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Discussion Starter #1
For some reason I yesterday while under the influence I wrote two freestyles/raps. They're both untitled.

"Untitled 1"

Hello, how are you?

Welcome to my place

My intricate bubble that floats in outer space

But it’s comfy up here, man

I have to admit

I don’t have to see our earth being destroyed and shit

By these pollutions, intrusions, and global confusion

All the insanity going on is bound to cause a contusion

In my brain, make me insane, splatter the walls with my membrane

But I’m going to have to scoop it up and try to fucking maintain

Uh-oh

Suddenly this bubble’s causing trouble

I have to decipher a plan right on the double

To escape my house, my home, my snazzy little bubble

But by plan has failed

The bubble’s been popped

Now I’m floating around space sipping on my private stock

Waiting, patiently, to deplete all of our air

So I can finally fly away

Fall away

To another hemisphere


"Untitled 2"

2:00 A.M on an anxious and conspicuous meet

Waiting on a hooded figure

Who creeps like death on side streets

Finally lurks to your Intrepid

And the mood’s immediately tepid

You grab the cash get the stash

And you’re out like speeding rapids

White water, rafting,

It’s really quite baffling

That these lyrics and these drugs

Get your mind fucking rattling

Battling, straddling,

Like drunk bitches at a bar

Over who sucked Billy’s dick first in his fancy new car

Now though, it’s ok

I’m totally fine

These fucking drugs have me writing these ridiculous rhymes

That I probably won’t recall

But it seems to be common protocol

That I won’t recall or forget

My actions, interactions, and wounds that I get

But fuck it, I guess

It’s my life to live

It’s my choice to wind up in jail and be shanked by a shiv

It’s my choice to have a job and some kids

But it’s not my choice to be alive or dead

And it’s not my choice to be fucked up in the head

I’m still breathing, though, physically

But my brain is about to explode

Explode out of my cranium

And when it finally happens my funeral will be in a stadium

But unlike Jackson’s it’ll be filled with seats of disappointed family

Thinking what happened, why now?

What happened to the old Bradley?



Anyway, there they are. Anybody think they're any good or terrible? Any feedback would be appreciated.
 

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I think first one doesn't need much work. It's got a good flow to it.

The second one needs some work.

I don't know shit about rap though, I'm coming from a rhythm and meter standpoint.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Yeah, I don't know shit either. These are the first two I've ever written. The second one I was trying a bit too hard to try and sound like Eminem.
 

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I'm not a huge rap fan or anything but I thought both raps were pretty good. You had some really good lines in them, my favorites were: And when it finally happens my funeral will be in a stadium

But unlike Jackson’s it’ll be filled with seats of disappointed family

Get your mind fucking rattling

Battling, straddling,

Like drunk bitches at a bar

Over who sucked Billy’s dick first in his fancy new car

Those were my favorite lines.
 

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i also agree with Mr Mister and McQueen. First one needs a little work but other than that its reasonably good. The 2nd one just doesn't have the right flow at all.
 
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