[realslimshady4545]

World Championship Wrestling Alliance is professional wrestling redefined. It's everything that the "big leagues" don't bring you, or are afraid to bring you. Fast paced, high flying junior heavyweight action featuring the best of the best from around the world, brutal and unbelievable hardcore wrestling, and stiff strong style wrestling. WCWA was established in July 2004 and has put together north of 100 shows in that time.

WCWA is set in 2006, not because I think 2006 is a particularly great year, but because when I started dating my shows and following a timeline, 2006 was the present day.. WCWA exists in a world where WWE is still the top federation, and TNA does exist. ROH, CHIKARA, CZW and the other indies out there exist, but are on a lower level to WCWA.

I'll be posting a bit of a back catalog of WCWA, because the shows are new to this audience. There's a good launch point where things were "reset", when I took out the last remaining WWE/TNA guys from my roster, CM Punk, Samoa Joe, Joey Styles, and really started developing WCWA into what it is today. There's about 20 shows between that relaunch and present day. I've got some pretty graphics and such that I had for this post, but I can't add them until I've got 10 posts or greater, it seems.

 

[hebtheeagle]

I'm super familiar with his work, and I think WCWA would be a good addition to the board. Hopefully you hang around for a while.

 

[realslimshady4545]

The fall, the final days of WCWA as it was known;

In early 2006, WCWA was bleeding money. Several large contract wrestlers were draining the small company, and crowds were falling. To make matters worse, sponsorships were falling due to the increasingly violent product, climaxing with the second King of the Death Matches tournament, to crown the first WCWA Deathmatch Champion

WCWA King of the Death Matches (PPV)
JC Bailey defeats Arsenal in a Light tubes & Ladders match to advance in the King of the Death matches tournament
SeXXXy Eddy defeats Drake Younger in a Light Tube Tables match to advance in the King of the Death matches tournament
"Spyder" Nate Webb defeats Jack Evans in a Light Tube Ropes match to advance in the King of the Death matches tournament
"Diehard" Dustin Lee defeats Super Dragon in a Barbed Wire Boards Match to advance in the King of the Death matches tournament
Trent Acid defeats Allison Danger in a Fans Supply the Weapons match to advance in the King of the Death matches tournament
Ryuji Ito defeats Homeless Jimmy in a Panes of Glass match to advance in the King of the Death matches tournament
Jun Kasai defeats The Messiah in a 5000 Thumbtacks match to advance in the King of the Death matches tournament
Eddie Kingston defeats Evil Ninja #2 in a Taipei Death & Taipei Bat match to advance in the King of the Death matches tournament
LuFisto defeats Marty Jannetty in a 2/3 Light Tube Log Cabins match to advance in the King of the Death matches tournament
Necro Butcher defeats Brain Damage in an Unlucky 13 Staplegun match to advance in the King of the Death matches tournament (SICK!!!)
"Spyder" Nate Webb defeats "Diehard" Dustin Lee in an Electrified Light Tubes match to advance in the King of the Death matches tournament
SeXXXy Eddy defeats LuFisto in a Four Corners of Pain match to advance in the King of the Death matches tournament
Jun Kasai defeats Trent Acid in an Exploding Barbed Wire Tables match to advance in the King of the Death matches tournament
Necro Butcher defeats JC Bailey in a Light Tubes, Leeches, and Lobsters match to advance in the King of the Death matches tournament
Ryuji Ito defeats Eddie Kingston in a Nail Board Death Match to advance in the King of the Death matches tournament
JC Bailey defeats Arsenal, Homeless Jimmy, Evil Ninja #2, Marty Jannetty, The Messiah, "Diehard" Dustin Lee, Drake Younger, LuFisto, and Brain Damage in a Last Chance Barbed Wire Battle Royal to advance in the King of the Death matches tournament
JC Bailey defeats SeXXXy Eddy, The Necro Butcher, "Spyder" Nate Webb, Ryuji Ito, and Jun Kasai in a No Rope Barbed Wire, 200 Light Tubes, Fans Supply the Weapons, and Whatever Else is Left Elimination Death Match with special guest referee Terry Funk to win the King of the Death Matches Tournament.


Following the King of the Deathmatches, WCWA's television sponsor, E!, became increasingly unnerved with the violent and profane content, and began threatening to pull content from the tape delayed shows, due to the content. Lead announcer Joey Styles & color commentator Shane Douglas opened the show to give their thoughts

JS: If this episode actually airs and this commentary is heard, I’d like to welcome you to Breakdown.. I’m Joey Styles and alongside me is Shane Douglas and Shane, we’ve got a great card lined up for tonight.

SD: Honestly, we should have just had Robby Mireno come out here and talk for the entire two hours. Have Jannetty tell stories about how he once woke up next to a prostitute that was really a man. This piece of (bleep) network doesn’t deserve any (bleep)ing wrestling. (Bleep) E!

JS: I was going to avoid it, but like usual, Shane Douglas is blunt and to the point, so I’ll get this off my chest right now. Network, WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?? You’re NO ONE to tell us which performers we can and cannot use! Does it really matter that Jack Evans has never been on Monday Night Raw? NO! The guy can out work anyone who is on that roster! Does it really matter that Samoa Joe hasn’t captured sixteen world titles? D(bleep)it it doesn’t!

SD: And to the network, I send out a giant (extended bleep). Tonight isn’t about what your bulls(bleep) standards and practices act says, tonight isn’t about whatever bulls(bleep) whacky storyline about a clown that scares kids you wanted us to do, and it sure as hell isn’t about a kids friendly program! Tonight is about what wrestling should be! This is down and dirty! This is violent! This is bloody! This is F(bleep)KING WCWA!!!


WCWA Breakdown #34
Jack Evans defeats Christopher Daniels to win the WCWA Junior Heavyweight title
Kurt Angle defeats Jimmy Jacobs
Chris Jericho defeats Chris Hero
Beef Wellington defeats LuFisto to retain the WCWA Junior Heavyweight title in a Light Tube match
Trent Acid & Johnny Kashmire N/C Ruckus & Sabian
Drake Younger defeats Arsenal in a No Disqualifications match
Samoa Joe defeats Necro Butcher


Unfortunately, the protests from the announcers, and from the various wrestlers throughout the evening were heard loud and clear, because Breakdown 35 was the final edition of Breakdown to air. Without a television deal in place, WCWA was dead in the water. A Pay Per View that was scheduled for that Sunday, Redemption, was renamed "A Fall From Grace" to meet the grave situation WCWA had found themselves in

WCWA Breakdown #35
Samoa Joe defeats Jun Kasai
Jack Evans defeats "Diehard" Dustin Lee to retain the Junior Heavyweight title
Beef Wellington defeats JC Bailey to retain the WCWA Television title
Ruckus defeats Trent Acid in a Cage Match
Kurt Angle defeats Nate Webb
Beef Wellington defeats Jimmy Jacobs to retain the WCWA Television title
Spanky defeats Eddie Kingston to retain the WCWA Heavyweight title


WCWA A Fall From Grace (PPV)
Chris Hero defeats Billy Roc
CM Punk defeats Abdullah the Butcher to retain the WCWA International title
Sabian & Ruckus defeat Super Dragon & Kevin Steen
Beef Wellington defeats Marty Jannetty to retain the WCWA Television title
JC Bailey defeats Drake Younger in a Barefoot Thumbtack Ladder Match to retain the WCWA Death Match title
Samoa Joe defeats Brain Damage
Jack Evans defeats Jimmy Jacobs, Christopher Daniels, Jerrelle Clark, and "Diehard" Dustin Lee to retain the WCWA Junior Heavyweight title
Beef Wellington wins a gauntlet match also featuring Jun Kasai, Nate Webb, Billy Roc, Super Dragon, Kevin Steen, Eddie Kingston, Kurt Angle, Chris Hero, The Messiah, & Jay Reso to earn a gaurenteed shot at the WCWA Heavyweight title
SeXXXy Eddy N/C LuFisto
The Backseat Boys defeat The Necro Butcher & Allison Danger by DQ to retain the Tag Team titles
Spanky defeats Chris Jericho in a 60 Minute Iron Man Match to retain the WCWA Heavyweight title

And A Fall from Grace was it. The Monday following A Fall From Grace, a press statement was sent out, announcing that WCWA had closed it's doors effective immediately.

BUT.. The death of WCWA was short lived. From the ashes of the dead product rose a new WCWA, a polished WCWA.. Without the television stars who had been draining the budget. Gone were Joey Styles, off to the WWE for an office job, Samoa Joe who took the contract he had been offered for so long by TNA, Chris Jericho, who opted to go on tour with his band Fozzy, and unfortunately, WCWA World Heavyweight champion Spanky, who returned to the WWE for a reign as tag team champion with long time friend Paul London. But a new band of misfits was formed, new roster members picking up the slack where the old guard left off. And a new TV deal was signed. WCWA would present Synthetic, live on HBO, a network that frankly didn't care how aggressive the content was that aired.

 

[realslimshady4545]

A podium stand is set up with two microphones, one sporting the WCWA yellow on black logo on the box cover and one sporting an HBO cover. “The Man Who Sold the World” by Nirvana begins to play through the small room’s speaker system and to through the curtain steps WCWA owner Dave Lenker. Trailing shortly behind him is Vice President and Senior Referee Jason Verdoes, Director of Talent Relations Mark Hawthorne, and senior road agent Ricky Morton, all clad in their Sunday best. Lenker approaches the microphone, tapping the WCWA one twice to clear the air.

DL: Members of the press, wrestling news reporters, and nerds alike, I welcome you to this press conference to discuss the future of World Championship Wrestling Alliance. As some of you may or may not know, following the “A Fall From Grace” Pay Per View extravaganza, our future was quite in the open. Our weekly television show that aired on the E! Network, WCWA Breakdown, was now off the air. We were heading to a new home on HBO with a program titled “Underground TV”. Unfortunately, due to some..

A slight cough from Hawthorne in the deep background.

DL: Many issues within contracts, that show was forced to be pulled from the air before it could even be produced. As many of you know, former WCWA superstar and the reigning WCWA International champion CM Punk has signed a contract and will now be competing for Ohio Valley Wrestling, soon heading to the World Wrestling Entertainment. What many don’t know is Brain “Spanky” Kendrick, the reigning World Heavyweight champion of WCWA, has also signed an exclusive contract outside of WCWA, with Zero-1 in Japan. Kendrick will no longer be appearing on WCWA TV.

The crowd begins to ruffle between themselves momentarily until Ricky Morton stands up. They all shut up. Ricky Morton is a badass like that.

DL: The original plan was for Chris Jericho to defeat Spanky for the Heavyweight title at the A Fall from Grace Pay Per View, but unfortunately, Chris Jericho is ALSO leaving, in favor of continuing his musical career. We wish Jericho the best of luck.

The crowd’s stammering has restarted, but is discontinued rather quickly when Lenker starts to speak once more.

DL: So the plan is made to put the Heavyweight title on the biggest star in the company. The man who has steam rolled the entire company since his debut. The Undefeated Samoan Submission Machine Samoa Joe. And then like a ball of crap hitting a proverbial fan, Samoa Joe informs us that he, too, has chosen to leave WCWA, in favor of an exclusive contract with TNA Wrestling.

The crowd is now uncontrollable, some members standing up in their displeasure and waving their arms around wildly. In the deep background, a man in a Yankee’s hat is beating his laptop with a baseball bat in displeasure of the announcements.

DL: We are here today to announce that WCWA is not, in fact, dead, and WILL be going live with new programming on the HBO network. The new television show will be called “Synthetic” and will be brought to you LIVE at 9 PM, hosted by “The Franchise” Shane Douglas and our new Play-by-Play man Kris Kloss.

A slight murmuring is heard in the crowd.

DL: Members of the press.. World Championship Wrestling is back.. And we’re here to stay!

Cut LIVE! To the US Bank Arena in Cincinnati, Ohio as an impressive pyrotechnics display explodes over a brand new staging set up, shooting up the green on black mechanic wall. Soon, a display above the ring has ignited as well, leaving the entire arena in a cloud of smoke.

KK: WELCOME TO THE DEBUT EDITION OF WCWA SYNTHETIC ON HBO!!

“Gouge Away” by the Pixies begins to blare over the loud speakers as the final pyros explode. A quick pan over the sold out and hyped audience shows the crowd absolutely electric.

KK: I am the new voice of World Championship Wrestling Alliance, Kris Kloss, alongside the man who will probably get HBO to bleep something.. “The Franchise” Shane Douglas.

SD: Hey Kloss, eat shit and die.

KK: We are here tonight for the debut edition of Synthetic! Six big matches signed tonight for our two hour telecast including for the first time on international television an Intergender Unlucky 13 Staple Gun death match!

SD: I’m not entirely sure but it may be a first staple gun match on TV, period.

KK: And for good reason! Tonight, LuFisto will try to prove just how hardcore she is as she does battle with the former King of the Death Matches, a man you and I both know all too well, in the Messiah.

SD: The Messiah has an unbelievable tolerance for pain. Look at Messiah when he comes out. Notice how he’s missing a thumb. That’s not make up. The man was attacked in his home by two armed assassins and they cut his thumb off. To his credit, The Messiah still fought back on them, then drove himself to the hospital with the missing digit. LuFisto is going to have a hell of a fight ahead of her tonight.

KK: In addition to the staple gun main event, we have two International title tournament matches, as “Spyder” Nate Webb does battle with Chrisjen Hayme and “Diehard” Dustin Lee takes on “Sexy” Chuck Taylor.

SD: You would call another man sexy..

KK (ignoring Shane): These four young men are looking to fill the void left by CM Punk and his leaving the company, and his International title behind.

SD: I’ve seen Nate Webb and I’ve seen Diehard. These other two have a hell of a road to drive if they plan on winning this tournament.

KK: All that, plus so much more, let’s send it to John House at ringside!

Cut to the ring, where John House stands with a microphone in his hand, a referee backed into the far corner.

JH: The following match is your opening contest for WCWA Synthetic and it is scheduled for one fall with a ten minute time limit. Your referee is Travis Young.

“Gimme Gimme Gimme” by A*Teens begins to play over the P/A system and Darin Corbin makes his way out onto the stage, a scrolling belt around his waist. Following shortly behind him in a pastel pink and neon yellow suit is his manager, Joey Eastman.

JH: Making his way to the ring, being accompanied by his manager, “Absolutely Tan” Joey Eastman, from the Dude Ranch, because he’s hung like a horse, weighing in tonight at one hundred and ninety three pounds, “Delicious” Darin CORBIN!

Corbin makes his way down the ramp a little bit, but pauses so the camera man can get a good glimpse at his scroll belt, which reads “Corbin Rocs WCWA”. Corbin makes his way to the ring, sliding in and removing his belt for some crotch thrusting and belt twirling, which is unfortunately cut off when his music fades out. The A*Teens are replaced by “For Those About to Rock” by ACDC and Billy Roc comes running out onto the stage with an abundance of energy. Roc makes his way down the ramp, slapping hands in route to the ring.

JH: And his opponent, from Lafayette, Indiana, weighing in tonight at one hundred and seventy five pounds, he is “Pure Dynamite” Billy ROC!

Roc hits the ring quickly and is immediately clotheslined by Corbin. The bell sounds and this match is underway as Corbin stomps away at Billy Roc.

SD: Smart thinking from Darin Corbin. He didn’t allow Billy Roc to get all hyped up and attack.

KK: He hasn’t even removed his ring jacket!

SD: That’s what he gets for wearing something stupid like that to the ring..

Corbin takes a quick lash with his scroll belt’s leather strap, but referee Travis Young admonishes him. The referee takes the belt away and while he’s disposing of it to the outside, Corbin proceeds to choke Roc with his own jacket.

SD: Nice technical wrestling from Darin Corbin.

KK: He’s choking him with a jacket!

SD: Technically, that is still wrestling.

The referee turns around and catches Corbin applying the illegal choke hold and confiscates the jacket. While getting rid of the jacket, Corbin removes a piece of his wrist tape and proceeds to choke with THAT! The referee catches this attack and Corbin simply releases.

KK: He’s going to get everything on him taken away by the end of this match! He’s like a little child!

Corbin up in the referee’s face momentarily, Roc comes in for a quick roll up, but it only scores a count of two from referee Travis Young.

SD: Roc with a sneaky underhanded roll up. What a cheater!

KK: But it’s perfectly acceptable for Corbin to attack with a belt, a coat, and wrist tape?

SD: Win if you can, lose if you must, but always CHEAT!

Roc back to his feet. Corbin comes running at him and he catches Corbin with a clothesline. Corbin back up and he takes a second clothesline. Up to his feet and this time he catches a back drop. Corbin retreats to the outside for some consoling with Joey Eastman.

KK: Darin Corbin is getting outclassed here by Billy Roc.

SD: Roc is cheating. He’s a cheater.

Roc claps his hands a couple of times and takes off running into the far ropes. Back into the near ropes and he dives through the ropes with a plancha, taking out both Corbin and Eastman as the crowd goes nuts.

KK: Excellent plancha from Billy Roc. Shades of the legendary Ultimo Dragon.

SD: Yeah, except Roc didn’t fall down during his entrance.

Roc back into the ring, Corbin slowly recovers and re-enters himself. Roc with a go behind waist lock on Darin Corbin. Corbin runs the corner and escapes it. Japanese girl dropkick from Corbin sends Roc stumbling into the corner, his head resting on the bottom rope. Corbin takes off into the far ropes and comes back, nailing a vile face wash on Billy Roc.

SD: That’s not just a face wash, that’s a face eraser! He knocked his face clean off!

Corbin climbs back into the ring and drags Roc to the center ring for a pin fall, but it’s only enough for two. Corbin works his way to his feet and grasps Roc in a headlock. Roc works his way back to his feet and lifts Corbin high into the air, driving him into the mat with a side slam. Joey Eastman climbs to the ring apron and immediately gains the referee and Billy Roc’s attention.

KK: What in the name of God is he doing up there?

With the referee distracted, Ryan Cruz runs in through the crowd. Corbin up as well, Corbin pulls Roc to the center of the ring with a handful of waist band. Corbin with a spinning heel kick as Cruz sweeps the legs. Cruz slides out of the ring as Corbin goes for a pin.

KK: Total Elimination! Corbin’s going to steal this one!

Referee Travis Young turns and starts the count, 1.…2.… kick out from Billy Roc and Eastman and Cruz can’t believe it!

KK: Billy Roc just kicked out at two.

SD: And Eastman and Cruz can’t believe it.

KK: …..!!

Cruz up to the ring apron and the referee turns his attention once more. On the far side of the ring, Joey Eastman hops up to the ring apron. Darin Corbin gets Billy Roc in a full nelson and Eastman reaches into his coat pocket, producing bag of powder.

SD: So that’s how Eastman got his job… He’s Jannetty’s dealer!

Eastman gets a handful of powder and takes aim, launching the powder, but Roc ducks and Corbin eats the powder! Roc goes behind and nails a lungblower. Roc down for the cover and it’s enough for three! The bell sounds.

JH: Your winner of this match, “Pure Dynamite” Billy ROC!

“For those About to Rock” by AC/DC begins to play and Billy Roc exits the ring quickly as the rudos invade for a beat down. Roc celebrates up the ramp as Corbin complains about the miscommunication.

KK: Big win for Billy Roc there.. Let’s send it backstage to Joel Gertner, who’s standing by with Beef Wellington!

Cut to the backstage area, where Joel Gertner stands with a smirk on his face.

JG: WELL, WELL, WELL! If it isn’t I, the Quintessential Stud Muffin Joel “I’ll crawl into her bed and snuggle between the warm folds” Gertner.. And I am here with reigning WCWA Television champion Beef Wellington.

Huge cheers from the crowd at the mention of Beef, even bigger cheers when the camera pulls out to show Beef, standing with a double thumbs up.

JG: Beef, the last time we seen you, you not only destroyed Marty Jannetty to return your Television championship, but you also won a Gauntlet match to earn a shot at the WCWA Heavyweight championship. We’ve been told that shot IS still valid.. But you have to wait for a champion.

BW: Joel, let me ask you something.. When you’re with a woman.. Getting your grove on.. Doing her from behind.. Grabbing the tits a little.. Smacking her ass.. Is it wrong to think about cake? Is it wrong to think of her ass as a big succulent piece of chocolate cake?

JG: Well..

BW: And when you’re in the ring.. And you’re battling the evil doers of the world.. Capturing gold and selling merchandise, is it wrong to expect the payoffs to come? What you earn? I should be the WCWA Heavyweight champion! I beat Kurt Angle!

JG: Who no longer works for us..

BW: And.. Wait, what? Kurtie doesn’t work here any more? Who am I going to ride with?! Who am I going to share hotel rooms with?! Who am I going to buy breakfast?!?

JG: Beef..

BW: This is horrible! Call my lawyer! Call my agent!! Call my mommy!!!!

We cut to a commercial break as Beef Wellington stomps away in a huff.

(commercial break)

As we come back from commercial break, John House stands in the center of the ring, microphone in hand.

JH: The following match is scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit and it is an International title tournament match!

A graphic that says “International title tournament” along with a picture of the belt flashes on the screen. “Hey Sandy” by Polaris begins to play over the PA system.

JH: Soon to be making his way to the ring, from Raccoon City, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty five pounds, “Sexy” Chuck Taylor!

Finally, Chuck Taylor makes his way through the curtain to a spattering of boos. Chuck starts down the ramp, but his eye is caught by a young fan in the front row. Taylor hops off the slightly sloped ramp and to the guardrail, where he gets in the face of the five year old in the front row.

KK: What did that kid ever do to Chuck Taylor?

SD: He shares a similar philosophy as me. Unless you can work, you’re worthless and waste the oxygen of this Earth that could be enjoyed by perfectly capable adults.

Taylor finally makes it to the ring, sliding in under the bottom rope and going to a far corner. “Remember the Name” by Fort Minor replaces Taylor’s entrance music and “Diehard” Dustin Lee makes his way out onto the entrance way.

JH: And his opponent, from Indianapolis, Indiana, by way of the RAAGE Dojo, weighing in tonight at one hundred and seventy one pounds, this is “Diehard” Dustin LEE!

Diehard rushes to the ring and slides in under the bottom rope as the bell sounds, officially starting this match. Diehard fights his way back to a vertical base and begins throwing wild forearms. Taylor responds with a hard chop to the chest and Diehard throws one of his own. Taylor begins to fire up, screaming wildly. Diehard presents his chest, ready to take the chop, but instead Taylor pokes him in the eyes.

SD: Ahh!! Chuck Taylor is quickly becoming one of my favorite wrestler’s here!!

Taylor with an arm bar on the left arm and he’s twisting hard. He yells out that he’s going to rip it off. Diehard with a series of punches to the mid section and he sends Taylor into the ropes. Taylor comes running back and Diehard jumps up and over. Taylor with an elbow to the face of Diehard and Diehard goes to one knee. Taylor into the far ropes and he comes running back with a high knee attempt, but Diehard catches the knee and flips Taylor over with a trapping power slam!

KK: An innovative move from young Diehard Dustin.

SD: Diehard can do more than swing light tubes and fall into barbed wire and a lot of people don’t understand that about him..

Diehard goes after Taylor but Taylor catches him with an undetected low blow.

SD: That’s the way to get a man down! When he’s not paying attention, punch him in the banana!

KK: The banana?

SD: The cock, the schlong, the ding-a-ling, the gimmick, the..

KK: I get it.

Taylor back to his feet and he grabs Diehard by the hair. Taylor balances on one foot, putting the other foot to Diehard’s face and falling back, nailing a modified standing face wash.

SD: Sole food from Chuck Taylor!

KK: And THAT’S not offensive to anyone!

SD: Fuck’em!

Taylor with a pin attempt but Diehard kicks out at a count of two. Taylor back to his feet and slightly frustrated. He goes to the corner and starts to the top rope, but gets cut off at the middle rope, where Diehard crotches him. Diehard comes in for a high upper cut and he climbs the ropes himself. Taylor trying to get to high ground, going all the way to the top. Diehard goes for a kick on the top but Taylor catches the foot. Diehard jumps and nails an enziguri on the top, sending Chuck Taylor CRASHING to the mat.

KK: I do believe that is the very first time I have ever seen a top rope enziguri.

SD: I’ve seen a lot of neat stuff out of Diehard Dustin.. His ex-girlfriend, for example.

Diehard down for a cover, 1.….2.… kick out at 2.99 from Chuck Taylor. Diehard back to his feet and he’s calling for something. He slowly pulls Taylor up to his feet, but Taylor head butts him. Taylor follows up with a knee to the gut. He goes behind Diehard and bridges Diehard’s neck in his hand. Lifting Diehard upside down, he brings him down hard into a piledriver type maneuver, dropping him right on his head.

KK: Modified Michinoku Driver from Chuck Taylor and Diehard may very well be out of it!

SD: He calls that move the Awful Waffle, Kloss.

Taylor down for the cover and Diehard is out of it for the count of three. The bell sounds as Taylor works his way back to his feet.

JH: The winner of this match and advancing to the second round of the International title tournament, “Sexy” Chuck Taylor!

“Hey Sandy” by Polaris begins to play over the P/A system as the referee raises Chuck Taylor’s hand. Diehard is still recovering from the deadly Awful Waffle as Taylor exits the ring and up the ramp.

KK: That Awful Waffle is one of the damndest moves I have ever seen..

Taylor throws up a pose at the top of the ramp as the referee is helping Diehard back to his feet center ring.

KK: We send it backstage to Joel Gertner, who’s standing by with Chris Hero.

Cut backstage, where Hero and manager Dave Prazak stand with Joel Gertner.

JG: Well, well, well, if it isn’t I, the Quintessential Stud Muffin, Joel “Like a bear, I love to stick my nose in the honey hole” ..

Prazak interrupts.

DP: Let’s save the cute limericks and sexual innuendo for another time Gertner. You are currently in the presence of greatness. THE greatest technical wrestler, catch as catch can wrestler, and strong style wrestler alive today. This man WILL be the new WCWA Heavyweight champion. Next week, the tournament to crown the new Heavyweight champion begins.

Prazak hands the microphone over to Hero.

CH: Some people may think I’m a long shot to win the tournament, given my first round draw of the Necro Butcher.

The crowd cheer wildly at the announcement of Hero-Necro.

CH: But the Necro Butcher is exactly what is wrong with this company. The fact that he is even considered one of the best in this company sickens me and is a spit wad in my face. What does Necro Butcher do that’s so impressive? Does he wrestler two out of three fall classics? Is he a fantastic all around wrestler? No. He wrestles barefoot on broken glass and punches people in the face. Next week. Live on Synthetic. I take Necro Butcher to camp.

Prazak and Hero walk away smugly as Gertner takes back his microphone.

JG: ….. Gertner?

(commercial break)

As we come back from break, the camera is on the entrance way. “Living After Midnight” by Judas Priest begins to play over the P/A system and Marty Jannetty makes his way out onto the stage.

JH: The following match is a special exhibition match with a ten minute time limit. Your referee is WCWA Senior Official Jason Verdoes. Currently making his way to the ring, from Clearwater, Florida, weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty six pounds, he is the “Midnight Rocker” Marty JANNETTY!!

Jannetty starts down the ramp to a spattering of cheers. He slides into the ring and runs the ropes slightly, pointing to Jason Verdoes with an angry face.

KK: And as if Jannetty being here wasn't enough of a joke, he now has a match where he's even lost to the referee!

SD: I remember that! Fucking pathetic.

KK: You're in fine form already, Shane.

SD: Just call the fucking match, Kloss

Jannetty’s music is cut off and quickly replaced by “Diamonds From Sierra Leone” by Kanye West. Eddie Kingston slowly strolls out onto the stage. He’s not alone, however, as he’s soon followed by “The Cambodian Ax Murderer” Joker, “The Pat Sajak of the Fat Paysack” Ruckus, “The Prince of Parkland” Jack Evans, “The White Girl with a booty that passes for black” Allison Danger, and “Primo” Robby Mireno

JH: And his opponent, being accompanied by the BLK Out, from Yonkers, New York, weighing in tonight at two hundred and forty eight pounds, he is “The Last of a Dying Breed” Eddie KINGSTON!

Kingston strolls to the ring slowly, teasing rolling into the ring, but instead opting to walk around the ring, BLK Out completely surrounding the ring.

KK: And Jannetty's surrounded by the BLK Out.

SD: As opposed to being blacked out.

KK: Clever.

SD: Will you just call the fucking match?

Kingston finally enters the ring. Referee Jason Verdoes calls for a weapon check and Kingston places his hands on the ropes in an arrest-esque manner. Verdoes quickly does a weapon check before the bell sounds, this match officially under way.

SD: I bet Verdoes planted something on Kingston.

KK: Oh, he did not.

SD: They be treating the brother's wrong, ya heard?

KK: And now I see why Joey Styles quit. Makes perfect sense.

Jannetty comes running at Kingston but catches a vile back fist. Kingston down on Jannetty with repeated closed fists to the face. Referee Jason Verdoes calls for the break and Kingston tells him he wants a five count, continuing to punch Jannetty in the face until the count of four.

SD: New WCWA, same Jannetty.

KK: Some things never change.

SD: I wish some things would...

KK: And what does that mean?

SD: That I want Styles back. He set up my lines at least...

Kingston back to his feet and he dares Jannetty to get up. Jannetty does and Kingston nearly decapitates him with a Yakuza kick. Jannetty is down and laying directly on his neck in a folded mess. Kingston unfolds him and goes for a cover, 1.….2.…. Verdoes’ hand is coming down for three and Kingston lifts Jannetty’s arm.

SD: He pulled him up!

KK: That could be a mistake.

SD: It's Jannetty. No, it isn't. I promise.

Kingston pulls Jannetty back up and whips him into the corner. Allison Danger hops up onto the ring apron and distracts referee Jason Verdoes, his back turned to the action. With this distraction, Sabian pulls Jannetty’s arms between the top and middle ropes, pulling him backwards and locking him in the corner. Kingston runs in and nails a second Yakuza kick, this time in the corner with Jannetty having no where to fall to.

KK: I truly think Kingston is just enjoying beating the hell out of Jannetty.

SD: I'm enjoying Kingston beating the hell out of Jannetty. Punk ass deserves what he gets. Has this big mouth, and can't back it up.

KK: Petty much, Shane?

SD: Shut the hell up, Kloss.

Sabian releases Jannetty and he crumbles to the mat. With an assist from Jack Evans, Danger climbs back down off the ring apron. Kingston with a cover, but again, he breaks it at two. Kingston pulls Jannetty back to his feet and hooks him from behind. Kingston with a clean jerk and he DESTROYS Jannetty with a backdrop driver.

KK: Shades of Takeshi Morishima with that backdrop driver.

SD: Shades of? Kingston been doing that for years.

KK: Yeah, but Morishima is one who has the most impact with it.

SD: Are you high? Steve Williams did.

KK: Yeah, because most of our audience knows who Steve Williams is.

SD: True.

Kingston with another pin attempt and this time he lets Jannetty stay down for three.

SD: Jannetty got in no offense, Kris!

KK: You sound surprised.

SD: Well, no. Just worth pointing out.

The bell sounds as “Diamonds From Sierra Leone” by Kanye West restarts. Kingston calls for the music to be cut and asks for the house mic, which he’s handed by the time keeper.

EK: What did I tell you? WHAT DID I TELL YOU? Every fucking time Eddie Kingston comes out here, someone gets KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT! Listen to me mother fuckers.. This is the restart.. The cards have been shuffled and the King of Diamonds is coming out on the top of the deck this time.. That isn’t a threat. That isn’t some idol statement. That’s a fucking promise that you can take to the bank. Look into my eyes.. Zoom your little camera close into my eyes.. I’m not playing.. This isn’t some big joke.. Some comedy schtick.. I AM THE LAST OF A DYING FUCKING BREED! I come from a long line of drug addicts, scum bags, and pieces of shit.. I’m a legacy.. WCWA.. Listen to me.. I’m your future..

Kingston hands the microphone off to Robby Mireno.

RM: And believe me mother fuckers… YOU ALWAYS BET ON BLACK!

Jack Evans hops in from the background.

JE: BIOTCH!

Quick cut to the parking garage to JC Bailey. JC leans onto a red pick up truck in the poorly lit parking garage, the WCWA Death Match championship draped over his shoulder.

JC: You know, a lot of people rat on hardcore wrestling, as just fat guys smashing shit. I may smash shit, but I’m about the farthest from fat you can get. Hardcore wrestling isn’t about light bulb tubes and barbed wire baseball bats and tables to me though.. To me, hardcore wrestling is about going out into that ring and giving your absolute best no matter if there’s fifty people or five hundred or five thousand.

JC shuffles around a little bit, switching the title from one shoulder to another.

JC: Drake Younger.. I thought you knew what hardcore wrestling meant.. I remember way back when.. When you were calling yourself Polarius, but you changed that because no one had any idea how to pronounce it. You used to know what hardcore wrestling was all about and I don’t know what changed in you, but I’m hoping to change it back. You tried to win my WCWA Death Match title at A Fall From Grace in the Barefoot thumbtacks ladder match and gave me one hell of a war. Let’s see if we can do that shit again.

(commercial break)

As we come back from commercial break, John House stands in the center of the ring, microphone in hand.

JH: The following match is scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit and it is an International title tournament match!

A graphic that says “International title tournament” along with a picture of the belt flashes on the screen. “Just Like You” by Three Days Grace begins to play over the P/A system and Chrisjen Hayme makes his way out onto the stage, wearing baby blue trunks with a matching vest.

JH: Making his way to the ring, from Huntsville, Alabama, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty five pounds, this is Chrisjen Hayme!

Hayme makes his way down the ramp, jaw jacking with some fans in route to the ring.

KK: What do you know about this Chrisjen Hayme kid, Shane?

SD: Other than the fact that he spells “Christian” goofier than anyone I have ever met in my life, absolutely nothing.

KK: I know a LITTLE bit more.. He wrestles primarily out of his native Alabama and the surrounding states. He’s a young kid looking to make a splash and he might just be able to do that tonight!

SD: Generic.

Hayme into the ring and to the top rope for a pose in gist. His theme music is cut off and replaced by the familiar scratching of “Teenage Dirtbag” by Wheatus. The crowd begins a slow clap as the team of camera men valiantly search the crowd for Nate Webb.

JH: And his opponent, soon to be making his way to the ring, from BEER CITY, by way of Flavor Country, weighing in tonight one hundred and eighty five pounds, he is “Spyder” Nate WEBB!!

Nate Webb makes his way through the curtain, dancing slightly as he makes his way down the ramp. Webb gets to ringside and high fives several fans. One fan is reluctant to high five Nate, due to an open beer cup in his hand. Nate relieves the man of his alcoholic beverage and proceeds to consume the entire drink.

SD: Nate Webb owes that man $6!

Webb climbs the ropes and does a flip into the center of the ring, but Hayme seems unimpressed. Webb’s music cuts off and the bell sounds, our second of two International title tournament matches underway. Hayme calls for a lock up. Webb grabs one hand and makes Hayme do the wave. Hayme with an attempted kick to the gut but Webb catches it and takes him down with a single leg trip.

SD: When you’re getting outsmarted by NATE WEBB, you know you’re in trouble..

KK: Hayme seems a bit frustrated at Webb’s pre-match shenanigans..

Webb with a leg drop attempt but Hayme rolls out of the way and back to his feet. Hayme with a leg drop attempt of his own but Webb nips up and out of the way, then nails a standing moonsault on Hayme.

KK: Amazing agility shown by Nate Webb.

SD: That last beer put Nate over the limit. When Nate gets so much beer in him.. He gets super powers..

Webb with a cover, but it’s only enough for one before Hayme kicks out. Webb up and he drags Hayme back to his feet. Irish whip into the ropes from Nate Webb, Hayme comes back and Webb leap frogs over him. Hayme with a go behind waist lock, but a standing switch from Nate Webb, Russian leg sweep attempt from Webb, but Hayme strong arms him. Hayme with a reversal into a hip toss, but Webb lands on his feet and taunts with a little disco move. Hayme with a clothesline attempt but he runs right into an arm drag from Nate Webb, who locks it into an arm bar.

KK: Excellent catch as catch can wrestling from Nate Webb..

SD: He may be goofy, but dammit, the kid can wrestle..

Hayme works his way back to a vertical base and out of the arm bar. Webb takes off running into the ropes and goes for a cross body block, but Hayme drops down and Webb misses him entirely. Hayme now on the offensive, locking in a front facelock.

KK: That’s all it takes for the tide of a match to change is one mess up..

SD: Webb’s gotta pass the breathalizer test here if he wants to advance in this tournament..

Webb slowly works his way back to a vertical base and lifts Hayme up, driving him into the mat with a side slam. Webb goes to the corner and quickly climbs to the middle rope, but Hayme catches him there. Hayme with a grasp on Webb’s legs and he lifts him up onto his shoulders on the second rope. Webb is in a bad way. Hayme grabs Webb’s right arm and pulls him down, sitting down off the second rope in the process.

KK: That’s the Assault driver! Shades of “Sick” Nick Mondo there!

SD: Perhaps Hayme is trying to get into the head of Nate Webb here..

Hayme down for a cover, but Webb gets his foot on the ropes at two. Hayme back to the ropes, climbing to the top quickly. He doesn’t move quick enough though, because Nate Webb catches him at the top with a rear waist lock. Hayme elbows out of it and Webb goes crashing to the mat. Hayme turns and jumps off, going for a shooting star press, but Webb is able to get his knees up.

KK: They call those moves high risk for a reason, Shane.

SD: Yeah, because if you fuck up, you get fucked up!

Webb into the ropes and he nails a rolling senton on Hayme. Webb with a cover, but it only scores two. Webb is up and frustrated. He goes to the outside and grabs a steel chair. He re-enters the ring and attempts to hit Hayme, but the ref catches the chair in mid swing. The referee takes the weapon away and goes to the ropes to dispose of it, Webb following in protest. With both Webb and the referee’s attention turned, Hayme is ready to attack, drawing a chain from his trunks, Webb turns around and is DRILLED with the chain.

SD: HEEEEEEEEL!

Hayme with a cover, 1.…2.…3! The bell sounds and the referee lifts Hayme’s hand, BUT HAYME STILL HAS THE CHAIN WRAPPED AROUND THE FIST! The referee calls for the bell once more and this match has been restarted!

KK: The ref found the chain and is ordering this match to be restarted!

SD: Hayme’s own stupidity just cost him this match. Had he put his little cock chain back, he’d be in the second round of the International title tournament right now!

Hayme protesting to the referee, but Nate Webb has recovered. Webb from behind with a school boy and the referee slides into position to see the shoulders, missing Webb grabbing a handful of trunks for leverage, 1.…2.…3! The bell sounds again, this time accompanied by “Teenage Dirtbag” by Wheatus.

JH: The winner of this match and advancing to the second round of the International title tournament, “Spyder” Nate WEBB!

Nate bails out of the ring quickly as Hayme tries to protest to the referee that Webb had the tights.

An advertisement airs for WCWA’s next Pay Per View extravaganza, HURT. HURT will see the crowning of two new champions in WCWA, as the finals of both the World title tournament and the International title tournament will take place there.

(commercial break)

As we come back from commercial break, John House is in the ring once more.
“Prayer” by Disturbed begins to play over the P/A system as the lights come to a dim.

JH: The following match is your MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING and it is an Unlucky 13 Staplegun Death Match! The only way to win this match is to staple seven one dollar bills to your opponent! Making his way to the ring, from Detroit, Michigan, weighing in at two hundred and ten pounds, this is THE MESSIAH!

Messiah makes his way down to the ring quickly, slapping a few fans hands in route to the ring. Messiah hops up onto the ring apron and slides between the top and middle ropes to go to the corner for a quick pose. Prayer cuts off and is quickly replaced with “We Die Young” by Alice in Chains. LuFisto brings this as her cue and makes her way through the curtain and onto the stage.

JH: And his opponent, making her way to the ring, from Montreal, Quebec, Canada, weighing in at one hundred and thirty seven pounds, she is the “Queen of Hardcore” LuFisto!

Out side of the ring are several light tubes and in the ring is a small pile of dollar bills and a staple gun. LuFisto casually strolls to the ring, passing these devices of devastation with an uneasy stroll.

KK: LuFisto seems a little unsure of what she’s gotten herself into here, Shane.

SD: Kloss, LuFisto knows EXACTLY what she’s gotten herself into! She isn’t known as the Queen of Hardcore for nothing!

Lock up over the pile of money and Messiah quickly over powers the much smaller LuFisto. LuFisto breaks the lock up and Messiah makes a quick lunge, snatching up a dollar and the staple gun. LuFisto turns back around and walks right into a staple. Messiah is already up one point.

KK: What sort of a strategy do you have coming into this sort of a match, Shane?

SD: How the fuck should I know? Do I look like I go around stapling people?

LuFisto rolls to the outside and pulls the dollar off of her chest. Messiah calls for a dive. He takes off into the far ropes and comes flying out to the outside, but LuFisto drills him with a light tube. LuFisto goes for another tube, but Messiah catches her with a blow to the mid section and she fumbles. Messiah grabs the tube and absolutely drills LuFisto over the back, blowing the tube to millions of pieces.

KK: And that light tube shot scores no points!

SD: No, but it does a hell of a lot of damage.. And instead of just worrying about stapling and running, I think Messiah wants to prove a point here tonight. The deck has been shuffled, Kloss. Messiah wants his card to come out on top..

Messiah with a quick shove and LuFisto goes sailing into the steel ring post. Messiah grabs two light tubes and waits for LuFisto to come back at him. She does and Messiah lifts them up to his chest and comes running at her, but LuFisto is aware and dropkicks them. The tubes explode into Messiah’s chest, sending debris everywhere as Messiah goes to the ground. LuFisto grabs a second staple gun that was on the floor and prepares the dollar that was already attached to her, firing a quick staple off to even the score at one-one.

KK: And the score is tied at one all!

SD: These are STAPLES IN FLESH, Kloss. The way you’re acting they are just throwing a ball throw a hoop like all those fake sports..

Messiah is down and hurting on the outside. LuFisto finds a barbed wire baseball bat. LuFisto swings wildly and DRILLS Messiah in the back. The barbed wire catches Messiah’s shirt and as LuFisto pulls back, it tears the back of the shirt. LuFisto drills him again and this time a large piece of the shirt comes with the bat. LuFisto staples a piece of the shirt to Messiah’s back. Messiah scrambles to his feet and grabs a dollar, picking up the staple gun in his spree. LuFisto turns him around and gets a stapled dollar right to her belly, bringing the score up to two-one Messiah.

SD: LuFisto with a grave mistake there. Instead of taunting and stapling a piece of the shirt, she could have stapled a dollar and went up a point, if even momentarily.

KK: But it’s now Messiah’s lead, as he has stapled two dollars to the lovely LuFisto. A former broadcast partner of mine would have called this “violent hardcore crap”.

LuFisto backs off of Messiah and goes to the ring apron. She comes out with a small yellow bottle, which she quickly sprays some of the contents on the barbed wire bat. Messiah is back up and comes in for a quick dollar staple to the left butt cheek of LuFisto for one point, bringing it up to three-one Messiah.

SD: ASS! ASS! ASS!!

KK: And here I thought you liked me..

SD: He got her in the ass!!

KK: And for all you sound boarders..

LuFisto wiggles a little bit and the dollar comes off of her skirt. Messiah seems displeased. He tackles LuFisto down to the mat and goes to quick work, lifting her skirt up and stapling it to her lower back. Messiah then produces another dollar bill and staples it directly to LuFisto’s panty clad buttocks for another point, bringing it up to four-one LuFisto. Flashbulbs from cameras go off rapidly as LuFisto struggles to get the dollar off her butt. Messiah pops a second staple in the dollar and her butt for good measure.

KK: Messiah with another staple.. Hey! What are you doing??

SD: Checking my email..

KK: There’s a match going on here!!

SD: Just gimme a minute…. ….I knew I’d have that there..

KK: Wait, is that, HOW IN THE HELL DID THAT GET THERE SO FAST??

Messiah backs off a bit and removes a dollar off himself. LuFisto back to her bat, igniting the bat and going after Messiah. Messiah with a light tube to LuFisto’s head and she drops the flaming barbed wire bat. Messiah grabs it and takes a swing, but LuFisto kicks him right between the legs. LuFisto with a double arm DDT right onto the burning barbed wire bat. Messiah scrambling on the fire, LuFisto grabs a dollar and staples it quickly right to Messiah’s back, making the total four bills on LuFisto, one actually attached to Messiah, but two points scored.

KK: DDT onto a flaming barbed wire baseball bat!

SD: Is Messiah from the South?

KK: No, I think he’s from LA, why?

SD: Because he’s doing a damn good job as a woman beater!!

LuFisto grabs the now extinguished barbed wire bat and whacks Messiah hard. LuFisto with the staple gun now and another dollar. She goes for Messiah, but Messiah produces a second staple gun and another dollar, firing a staple right into LuFisto’s boobs with a bull for a score of five to two, Messiah‘s lead.

SD: Messiah just fired one off on her tits!

KK: You’re having fun with this, aren’t you?

SD: Indeed I am Kloss, Indeed I am..

Messiah goes for LuFisto’s bill, but catches a low blow for his trouble. LuFisto makes a hand job motion towards Messiah, then staples a bill right across his crotch. Score is five-three, Messiah’s lead.

SD: SHE WENT DOWN ON HIM!

KK: WOULD YOU STOP IT??

SD: Be glad HBO said no to Gertner.. It was almost me and Gertner out here for this..

KK: “….”

SD: I also petitioned for SeXXXy Eddy, but that got the kibosh too.

LuFisto grabs another bill and staples it right to the thumb-nub of Messiah. The crowd hisses in displeasure and pain at this dastardly move.

SD: Somewhere, Rob Black is smiling.

KK: And somewhere, Lizzy Borden is having sex with someone she barely knows!

SD: You mean she’s introducing herself to people prior to intercourse now?

Messiah works the bill off his wounded hand and throws a wild haymaker at LuFisto, but she catches the arm and kicks him in the crotch. LuFisto with another dollar in hand and she drags Messiah to the ropes. Forcefully, she pulls his tongue out of his mouth and directs it towards the ring rope. With the dollar in hand, she pushes the dollar to Messiah’s tongue and staples downwards, making the dollar, Messiah’s tongue and the ring rope one big stapled package.

KK: TONGUE! She got his tongue!

SD: Cat got your tongue, Messiah?

Messiah is trapped to the ropes now with a score of five all. LuFisto with another dollar and she staples it right to his ass. Messiah is struggling to get free but is very trapped. LuFisto with another dollar in hand and she’s stalking Messiah. Messiah is trying to fight off, or even see her coming, but sees nothing but the entrance way. LuFisto ready to staple the final bill.. But there’s a fourth person in the ring with a bundle of light tubes in hand!

KK: That’s Mickie Knuckles! Mickie Knuckles!

SD: And she’s got light tubes, Kloss!

Mickie launches the light tubes at LuFisto’s unknowing head, busting the bundle of four tubes over LuFisto’s head and sending glass everywhere. Mickie pulls Messiah’s tongue free and hands him two staplers. With the two pieces of office equipment, he makes short work, stapling the last two dollars he needed to win. The bell sounds. LuFisto is starting back to her feet and Mickie bails out of the ring and up the ramp. “Prayer” by Disturbed begins to play as John House makes the announcement official.

JH: The winner of the Unlucky 13 staple gun death match, at a score of seven to six.. THE MESSIAH!!

Messiah seems a little confused from Mickie’s help, but accepting of it anyways. Mickie is already up the ramp before LuFisto gets to her feet, flipping her off at the top of the ramp.

SD: I have no idea what we’ve just seen, but I get the feeling it’s going somewhere and is going to lead to girl on girl violence..

KK (sighs): That is absolutely all the time we have, for “The Franchise” Shane Douglas, I am Kris Kloss, we hope you’ve enjoyed the debut episode of WCWA Synthetic!

LuFisto is in the center of the ring bloodied and makes a cut throat motion towards Mickie up the ramp as we cut away, a quick flash of the WCWA logo on screen before we fade to black.

© 2007 WCWA & Half Life Media Inc. All rights reserved.

 

[realslimshady4545]

WCWA Synthetic Episode 2
Live on HBO

Tag Team Match
The Naptown Dragons {Scotty Vortekz & “Diehard” Dustin Lee}
versus
The Northstar Express {Darin Corbin & Ryan Cruz}
Two young teams looks to prove and establish themselves in the tag team division of WCWA, both obviously looking to prove their worth and establish their desire for the Tag Team titles and a shot at the Backseat Boys. Whichever team that wins this contest will obviously move up the ranks in the WCWA Tag Team scene, perhaps impressing management enough to grant them a Tag Team titles match.

WCWA International title tournament match
Jimmy Jacobs
versus
Delirious
In the third of four International title tournament matches, Jimmy Jacobs does battle with the "Lizard Man" Delirious. Jimmy Jacobs is looking to prove himself to management as far more than just the skinny kid that got killed by Kurt Angle and following having his special attraction match cancelled for time on the debut edition of Synthetic, Jacobs has a lot to prove. When he comes face to mask with Delirious with the chance at WCWA International gold, will Jimmy Jacobs choke?

WCWA International title tournament match
Beef Wellington
versus
Trent Acid
It's a championship showdown in the International title tournament, as one half of the WCWA Tag Team champions Trent Acid does battle with the reigning WCWA Television champion Beef Wellington. One of these two champions has the opportunity to double their gold in the International title tournament.. Will it be "The International Superstar" Trent Acid advancing and trying to expand into the singles division, or will it be Beef Wellington proving he is no joke?

One on One match
"The Terminator" Brain Damage
versus
"The Black Jesus" Sabian
Sabian of BLK Out faces off with one of his biggest challenges to date, as he does battle with the Hardcore Terminator of WCWA, the nearly indestructable Brain Damage. Brain Damage is looking to continue his destructive killing spree in WCWA, while Sabian is simply hoping to survive to fight another day.

WCWA Death Match title Match
Barbed Wire Boards match
"Too Hardcore for a Gimmick" JC Bailey ©
versus
"The Hardcore Luchador" xOMGx
JC Bailey defends the WCWA Death Match championship for the first time since the barbaric Barefoot Thumbtacks Ladder match with Drake Younger, and he defends it against a man Drake knows far too well, "The Hardcore Luchador" xOMGx. xOMGx is looking to prove himself to a wide new audiance in this one, and there's no better way to prove yourself than to walk away with the WCWA Death Match championship. With JC's mind possibly in other places on Drake, will xOMGx be able to capitalize and capture championship gold?

MAIN EVENT
WCWA Heavyweight title tournament match
"The" Chris Hero
versus
Necro Butcher
Chris Hero and the SuperHeroes have been on a crusade against the evils that are hardcore wrestling. With his WCWA Heavyweight title tournament first round match, Chris Hero draws the opportunity to take out a key player in the Death Match division in the Necro Butcher. Necro was a finalist in the King of the Death Match tournament and has only one loss to his name in WCWA. Will Necro to be able to escape the brand of "Hardcore swinging crap" wrestler and advance in the tournament, or will Chris Hero prove his point that technical wrestlers are far superior to Death Match wrestlers?

 

[realslimshady4545]

The show opens with a mini-vignette showing highlights from last week’s episode, with Chuck Taylor and “Spyder” Nate Webb advancing in the International title tournaments by defeating “Diehard” Dustin Lee and Chrisjen Hayme respectively. The montage ends with the debut of Mickie Knuckles to close the show.

Cut LIVE! To the Lawlor Events Center in Reno, Nevada as an impressive pyrotechnics display explodes over the staging set up, shooting explosives up the green on black mechanic wall. Soon, a display above the ring has ignited as well, leaving the entire arena in a cloud of smoke.

KK: WELCOME TO WCWA SYNTHETIC ON HBO!!

“Gouge Away” by the Pixies begins to blare over the loud speakers as the final pyros explode. A quick pan over the sold out and hyped audience shows the crowd absolutely electric.

KK: I am the new voice of World Championship Wrestling Alliance, Kris Kloss, alongside the man of a thousand bleeps.. “The Franchise” Shane Douglas. Shane, what a card we have lined up tonight!

SD: The Necro Butcher tries to shut that pompous piece of shit Chris Hero up once and for all. We’re see how obnoxious Hero is about “anti-hardcore” when he’s standing face to face with Necro Butcher’s scarred up forehead!

KK: The International title tournament continues tonight with the last two first round matches. Jimmy Jacobs does battle with Delirious and Beef Wellington takes on Trent Acid.

SD: We’ve got two lost souls in this tournament. Beef because his mentor Kurt Angle has left him for dead and Delirious because.. Well, I’m not entirely sure.. But he always seems really confused..

KK: JC Bailey defends the WCWA Death Match championship against “The Queen of the Deathmatches” LuFisto

SD: JC is from Kentucky. He’s not afraid to beat a woman.

KK: One has to wonder if JC’s mind is elsewhere, other than LuFisto tonight. Like Drake Younger.

SD: It’d be fucking stupid for him to still be stuck up on Drake Younger, or any of the Super Heroes, for that matter. He beat Drake. He retained his title. It’s time to move on or he’s not going to have his title much longer..

KK: All that, plus so much more, let’s send it down to John House for the opening introductions!

JH: The following match is scheduled for one fall with a fifteen minute time limit and is a special tag team attraction.

“Heavy Metal Kings” by Jedi Mind Tricks begins to play over the PA system and “Diehard” Dustin Lee and Scotty Vortex

JH: Introducing first, from Indianapolis, Indiana, by way of the RAAGE Dojo, weighing in tonight at a combined weight of three hundred and thirty one pounds, “Diehard” Dustin Lee.. Scotty Vortekz.. The Naptown DRAGONS!!

Vortekz and Diehard make their way to the ring, slapping a few hands in route. Vortekz goes to one corner and Diehard to the other where they pose. The lights come back quickly, but are replaced by a techno strobe as “Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!” by Vengaboys begins to play over the P/A system. Joey Eastman makes his way out onto the stage first, followed by Ryan Cruz, then Darin Corbin. Corbin’s belt this week reads “Naptown puts me to Sleep”.

JH: Being accompanied to the ring by their manager, “Absolutely Tan” Joey Eastman, from Minneapolis, Minnesota, weighing in at a combined weight of three hundred and sixty eight pounds, “Delicious” Darin Corbin… “Ravishing” Ryan Cruz… They are the North Star EXPRESS!

Corbin and Cruz make their way to the ring, both opening the ropes for Eastman, who enters the ring and quickly removes the microphone from John House. In his best ring announcer voice, Eastman speaks.

JE: I regret to inform you that Darin Corbin’s belt will NOT be on the line tonight, because “Die Hard” is two words and Scotty Vortex spells his name incorrectly.

KK: What difference does that make?

SD: Well, the belt has to have some standards.

KK: It's held by Darin Corbin, Shane. How many standards can it possibly have.

SD: Probably as many as Larry Sweeney's ICW-ICWA Tex-Arkana Television belt does...

Eastman hands the microphone back to house and exits the ring as both teams warm up in their respective corners. The bell sounds and this match is under way. Vortekz and Cruz exit, leaving it to Diehard and Corbin. Lock up center ring and the much taller Lee gets the advantage, working Corbin’s shoulders all the way to the mat for a quick count of one.

KK: Obvious strength advantage here to the Dragons.

SD: Yeah, but North Star is faster.

KK: So, a slow pace would work to the Dragons style.

SD: Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Corbin back up and protesting to the referee that Diehard grabbed the tights.

KK: He grabbed the tights?

SD: That's what Corbin said.

KK: He just got over-powered.

SD: Yeah, because Lee had the tights!

KK: Oh, that's a load.

Referee distracted with Corbin’s protesting in the corner, which has now moved to a claim of hair pulling, allows Ryan Cruz to enter for a quick sneak attack and knee clip. Scotty Vortekz sees this, but enters the ring right as Cruz is exiting. Corbin turns the ref’s attention to Vortekz. The ref pushes Vortekz back out of the ring, which allows the Northstar Express to double team Diehard in their corner.

KK: This referee is blind.

SD: No, the Express is just that smart.

KK: C'mon Shane...it's cheating 101.

SD: And the Express gradulated in the top of that class.

KK: Was that a course you taught, Dean?

SD: Shut the fuck up, Kloss.

Cruz wraps the tag rope around the neck of Diehard as Corbin runs in for a splash. Untagged switch as the referee comes back to the match. Referee questions it, but Cruz and Corbin claim they tagged. Cruz now working over Diehard. Chin lock into a take over, followed up by a dastardly Dragon kick right to the spine.

KK: And that is spinal tap.

SD: What a fucking clown.

Diehard reeling in pain, Cruz into the ropes and he hit’s a basement dropkick right to the chin of Diehard. Cruz with a pin attempt, but it’s only enough for two says referee Mortimer Plumtree. Cruz with a handful of hair and he drags Diehard to his corner, tagging in Corbin. Corbin with a side headlock and he trash talks to the crowd, which gives Diehard valuable recovery time. Diehard lifts Corbin high into the air and drops him with a side slam.

KK: And Lee showing some signs of fighting back.

SD: It was one move, Kris. The Express has been controlling this entire match.

KK: Yeah, because of the blind ref.

SD: You call him blind. I'd say he's more of a dick.

KK: Well, he did hang around a couple of Johnsons for a while. Wonder what happened to them?

SD: Leave it to you to wonder about Johnsons....

Diehard now crawling for the tag. Corbin right behind him trying to pull him back. Diehard within inches of the corner. Cruz hops into the ring and diverts the referee’s attention right as Diehard is able to tag. Vortekz into the ring a line of fire on Corbin, but referee Mortimer Plumtree forces him back out, insisting that there was no tag.

KK: And more old-school tactics from the Express.

SD: Joey Eastman has trained them well.

KK: Eastman couldn't fight out of a paper bag.

SD: Well, no...but he has goons who could beat the shit out of said bag!

KK: I now see why Styles quit.

Corbin drags Diehard back to his corner, tagging in Ryan Cruz. Cruz with an arm ringer on Diehard, tagging back out to Corbin, who climbs to the top and drops a big double ax handle onto the ringed arm. Corbin with another arm ringer.

SD: And apparently it's Randy Savage tapes they've been watching.

KK: The quick tags are the thing here. Always keep a fresh man in the ring. Cuts down on the chances of an opponent sneaking away and making a tag.

SD: And you've been at the Cornette announcing tapes.

KK: Smart Mark had them on sale. I figured what the hell...

SD: Thank you for that. Real helpful. Idiot.

Diehard valiantly trying to pull to the ropes to get the tag to Scotty Vortekz, Diehard stretching as far as he can and Vortekz stretching the same direction. Diehard is pulling Corbin with him as he goes to the ropes. Inches away… But Joey Eastman slides into the ring! Referee’s attention is diverted away as Eastman slides in one side and out the other.

KK: What is that idiot doing?

Eastman up to the ring apron to banter with the referee, Cruz into the ring, grabbing Diehard’s legs. The two Northstar Expresses carry Diehard back to their corner army style. Vortekz into the ring to protest, which allows Corbin and Cruz another double teaming effort.

SD: Isn't it obvious? Win if you can...

KK: Lose if you must...

SD: But always cheat. You're not new to this, Kris. C'mon now.

Cruz now switches to be the legal man. The referee questions it, but again, the Northstars say they tagged. Cruz continues to work on the damaged right arm/shoulder with double ax handles and stomps. Diehard tries his best to crawl to the corner, but Cruz cuts him off and leaches onto a leg. Corbin into the ring and the two proceed to do the rowboat center ring on Diehard.

KK: That is the first time I’ve EVER seen that move done with non-midgets

SD: None of us needed to know what your video collection consists of, Kris!

KK: That was the best line you had for that?

SD: You're new. I'm trying to be nice.

KK: Right....

Vortekz into the ring to protest, but once more gets caught by the referee. Cruz slides out of the ring, leaving Corbin to manhandle Diehard. Corbin with some more hammering to the shoulder and arm area. Diehard fights out of it with a knee to the gut, followed up with a head butt. Diehard rolls to the corner and tags Vortekz.

KK: All that and he made the tag after a headbutt?

SD: Something doesn't seem right here...

KK: No kidding. A fricking headbutt?

SD: Who says fricking?

KK: Frick you.

SD: Tony Soprano called, he said we're on HBO and to watch the fucking language

Vortekz into the ring and he’s going crazy! Body slam for Corbin! Cruz into the ring and he eats a body slam. Corbin takes a clothesline. Cruz takes a clothesline. Joey Eastman up to the ring apron and he tosses a shoe to Corbin undetected. Vortekz knocks Eastman off the ring apron, but then gets clobbered in the back of the head with the shoe.

KK: He hit him with a shoe!

SD: Better then a fucking shovel.

KK: Yeah, you have been speaking to Tony.

SD: We go way back. I called in a favor he owed me.

KK I don't want to know...

Corbin with a cover on Vortekz. 1.….2.… kick out at a long two from Vortekz and Corbin can’t believe it. Vortekz back to his feet and Corbin grabs him with a Russian leg sweep, rolling it through into a second Russian leg sweep. Cruz starts into the ring, which diverts the referee’s attention. Corbin gets Vortekz in a full nelson and takes him to the ropes, where Joey Eastman waits with a handful of suspicious white powder.

SD: I got a buck that says this backfires...

KK: Wow, bringing out the big bucks there, Shane.

SD: I roll with the Washingtons.

KK: If you call yourself a Dollar Menunaire, I quit.

Corbin calls out instructions and Eastman throws the powder, but Vortekz ducks and Corbin catches the powder!! Corbin stumbles around the ring blindly, stumbling right into a school boy from Vortekz, which scores the count of three!!

SD: I knew it!

KK: The Dean strikes again!

SD: Shut up, Kloss.

KK: And meanwhile, the Dragons pick up a huge win!

SD: Think this earns them a shot at the Backseats?

KK: It should.

The Dragons bail out of the ring post haste, leaving the Northstars to figure out where they went wrong center ring. Cut backstage, where Joel Gertner is standing by with Lacey and Jimmy Jacobs.

JG: Well, well, well… If it isn’t I.. the Quintessential Stud Muffin.. Joel “Leather and lace isn’t my taste, but if you give me a wink, I’ll tickle your pink” Gertner and I am here with the bodacious and beautiful Lacey. Lacey..

Jacobs cuts him off.

JJ: Listen here, you over fluffed Chia pet, You’re not here to talk to Lacey. You’re here to talk to the star of the show. In fact, you’re not here to talk at all. You spit your little limerick, then the wrestler talks. Delirious. Tonight, it’s the International title tournament. Jimmy Jacobs’ destiny shall be fulfilled.. Delirious, you can make all the silly sounds and yelling you want..

Gertner winks at Lacey.

JJ: But when it comes down to it. When that referee counts, one… two… three.. It won’t be Jimmy Jacobs’ shoulder to that mat.. HUSS!

Jacobs walks away, dragging Lacey behind him as he walks away.

(commercial break)

As we come back from commercial break, John House stands in the center of the ring, microphone in hand.

JH: The following match is scheduled for one fall with no time limit and it is for the WCWA Death Match championship!

A logo with the Death match championship appears, a bloody light tube X behind it.

“We Die Young” by Alice in Chains begins to play over the P/A system and LuFisto makes her way out onto the stage.

JH: First making her way to the ring, the challenger, weighing in tonight one hundred and thirty seven pounds, from Montreal, Quebec, Canada, she is the “Undisputed Queen of Hardcore” this is LUFISTO!

LuFisto makes her way to the ring quickly, ignoring fans in route to the ring. She enters the ring and bounces off the ropes a bit. The lights dim quickly. “Living Dead Girl” by Rob Zombie begins to play over the loud speakers and JC Bailey makes his way out onto the stage, the WCWA Death Match championship over his shoulder and a trash can full of plunder in hand.

JH: And her opponent, currently making his way to the ring, from Bardstown, Kentucky, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty nine pounds, he is the WCWA Death Match CHAMPION!! “Too Hardcore For a Gimmick” JC BAILEY!!

JC to the ring quickly, putting his can in up and over the top rope and then entering himself. He removes his shirt and throws it into the crowd.

SD: Looks like we're getting ready for the Death Match title.

KK: This is stolen from XPW.

SD: No it isn't. We have good workers here.

KK: Says the former XPW champion.

SD: I only got that because Lizzy wanted on my dick...

KK: You mean, she wasn't?

Referee Tim Turner in to tell both participants the little rules as the bell sounds, officially beginning this WCWA Death Match title match. JC immediately goes to the weapons, tossing his entire can of weaponry at LuFisto. LuFisto is able to avoid the weapons and they go crashing down. LuFisto to the can and she comes out with a broom in hand.

SD: See, she knows her place!

KK: What are you talking about?

SD: She's about to clean the ring. Finally, she gets it!

KK: Will you shut up?

SD: No. But you can.

High swing with the broom, but Bailey ducks. LuFisto goes low with the broom, but Bailey jumps over it. Bailey to the can and he grabs a cookie sheet, walloping LuFisto over the head with it. LuFisto down to one knee, Bailey grabs a skate board out of the trash can and runs into the far ropes. He comes back and jumps, putting the skate board to his feet and hitting a modified dropkick with the skateboard.

KK: Dude, that was dynamic!

SD: Oh, shut the hell up.

KK: He even actually knows how to use that skateboard!

SD: Well, I can help that Ted Turner was smoking dope when he thought of it.

KK: Then what were you on to actually do it?

SD: Not sure. Must have been strong though!

Bailey back to the weapons. He comes out with a street sign, but is met with a shot right to the mid section from the broom from LuFisto. LuFisto drops the broom and grabs the street sign, drilling him with that as well. LuFisto goes to the can and empties all the plunder. Not finding anything that really suits her liking, she rolls to the outside.

SD: What, there isn't enough in the ring?

KK: Apparently not, Shane.

SD: And the "First Lady of Hardcore" makes her way outside.

KK: That's a set-up line.

SD: You right. For this...I've been told she only owns the wrestling version of that. Bridget the Midget has actual license.

KK: Bridget the Midget?

SD: Keeping it topical.

KK: Sure...

Bailey slowly recovers. LuFisto still under the ring searching for weapons. Bailey up to his feet and he runs into the far ropes. Back to the near ropes and he goes for a Tope Con Hilo, but LuFisto sidesteps and puts a light tube in Bailey’s path, resulting in a devastating crash and burn on the arena floor, an explosion of dust and glass flying everywhere. LuFisto with a cover, but it’s only enough for two says Tim Turner.

KK: That had to SUCK!

SD: She does? I heard she quit doing that in high school...

KK: And people wonder why Styles declined coming back. Gee, I wonder.

SD: I was too awesome for him.

LuFisto back to her feet and she climbs up to the guard rail. She’s struggling to maintain her balance on the rail. LuFisto turns her back as if she’s going for a moonsault, but Bailey catches a handful of booty and pushes her off the rail and into the crowd.

KK: He just got to second base!

SD: That's the tits, you moron.

KK: I'd rather grab what he did.

SD: I think you'd rather grab him!

Bailey over the guard rail. He grabs a bag of popcorn from the ground and eats a handful, smacking LuFisto with the rest of the bag and sending popped cornels of corn everywhere.

KK: That is several different kinds of gimmick infringement!

SD: Foley lost the rights to it.

KK: How?

SD: When he came back for the eleventh time.

KK: It's not been that many.

SD: The only person to come back more is Terry Funk! I hate that mother funker.

LuFisto fighting back with a hard right, followed by a left. She grabs a soda and throws it at Bailey. The soda splashes everywhere but does no real damage. Bailey running towards LuFisto, but LuFisto catches him with a backdrop, throwing him right into a row of chairs. LuFisto with another cover, but again, it’s only enough for two.

KK: Again, LuFisto with the cover.

SD: And again, Bailey with the kick out.

KK: I was getting to that.

SD: Too slow!

LuFisto grabs Bailey by the hair and starts to drag him, pulling him up a flight of stairs where they disappear into the sea of humanity.

KK: Oh, what the hell.

SD: We dropped the feed. This is XPW!

KK: I hear the ring rats are backstage already.

SD: What would you know about a ring rat?

KK: I worked for WSX.

SD: Huh? That's groupies. Not ring rats.

The camera focuses on where they were momentarily before cutting away to the backstage area, where Joel Gertner stands by.

JG: Well, well, well.. If it isn’t I.. the Quintessential Stud Muffin Joel “JC finished early.. But I never do” Gertner!

Pan out slightly to Beef Wellington.

BW: And I am Beef “Sometimes I enjoy to stare at the stars and your mom makes good cookies” Wellington!

Gertner sighs.

JG: Close, but not close enough.. The line was “Sometimes I enjoy to stare at the stars.. But I’d rather look at Uranus..

BW: Why would I want to look at Uranus?

Gertner whispers something in Beef’s ear. Beef’s look goes from a smile to a look of shock.

BW: You sir, are sick!

JG: Possibly. Beef, Kurt Angle is done with WCWA. And lately, you’ve seemed like a lost cause..

BW: Peanut butter without jelly. Wilma without Fred..

Gertner places his hand on Beef’s shoulder.

JG: Porn without KY.

BW: Please don’t touch me.. Like so many girls of my past, Kurt Angle has left me. And there’s only one thing that can solve this problem.. I need to beat up Marty Jannetty!

JG: If only that made everything better, there’d be world peace.

BW: I prefer corn. Jannetty.. This WCWA Television title is important to me.. But not as important as clowning around and partaking in general tomfoolery. Because Jannetty, I am in it, to win it! And believe me mother hubber, you ALWAYS bet on Beef. MOOOOOOOOOOO!

(commercial break)

As we come back from commercial break, the shot is backstage at the interview area. Joel Gertner stands next to Mickie Knuckles, decked out in pony tails and bibbed overalls.

JG: Well, well, well, if it isn’t I, the Quintessential Stud Muffin Joel “And as sure as the sun raises in the east, and sets in the west. By the end of the night, I'll be in Allison's pants” Gertner, and I am here with “The Walking Episode of COPS” Mickie Knuckles.

MK: Ahoy, ahoy.

JG: Mickie, last week, you cost LuFisto her Unlucky 13 Death Match against the Messiah, and given Messiah’s current position in the Heavyweight title tournament, likely a shot at that title as well. Care to explain exactly why?

MK: Lemme ask you something Joel.. If someone else started calling themselves The Quintessential Stud Muffin, wouldn’t you be a little pissed off?

JG: Probably.

MK: And wouldn’t it irk you THAT MUCH MORE if said person had only ten percent of the studliness of you?

Gertner seems a little flattered from Mickie’s comments.

JG: Well, yes, yes.. But most men can only dream of being ten percent as studly as I am..

MK: And LuFisto can only dream of being as bad as I am. LuFisto, you dumb cunt.. You think because you entered the death match tournament here, that you’re the Queen of Hardcore? You wouldn’t know hardcore if it snuck up behind you and fucked you in the ass!

JG: I like the idea of LuFisto sodomy.. Wanna be my friend?

MK: (ignoring Gertner): LuFisto.. I’m not playing your little monkey games.. We’ll see who the Queen of Hardcore is.. I’m not playing these little games like Marty Jannetty and Beef Wellington.. You dumb French Bitch, I will FUCK YOU UP!

Mickie exit’s the interview area, leaving Gertner standing with the microphone.

JG: I REALLY like where this is heading! Cat fight! Cat fight!! I’m off to take a cold shower.. Back to you guys at ringside..

Cutting back to the ringside area, John House stands center ring with a microphone in hand.

JH: The following match is scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit and it is an International title tournament match!

A graphic that says “International title tournament” along with a picture of the belt flashes on the screen. “Unorthodox Manifesto” by Dimmu Borgir begins to play over the loud speakers. Delirious comes running through the curtain, screaming gibberish and flailing wildly.

JH: Making his way to the ring, from the EDGE OF INSANITY, weighing in tonight at one hundred and ninety six pounds, this is DELIRIOUS!

Delirious slides into the ring and grabs John House by the leg. House bails and Delirious grabs the microphone.

Delirious: BOP! BOP! BOP! BOP! Hayolollipompincircumstance Jimming Jacobs frety uolmp Lacey mmmm toppilrevelus boobies boobies boobies touchy touchy touchy, Deliriousssss CHAMPION! BOP! BOP! BOP! BOP!

Delirious back to his feet and running in circles, the crowd applauding.

SD: What the FUCK did he just say?

KK: I think he said something about molesting Lacey..

Delirious’ fit is cut off as “The Touch” by Stan Bush begins to play. A loud “thump” echoes over the P/A system as Delirious throws the microphone to John House and goes to the corner, sitting with his hands to the mat in a crouching way.

JH: Making his way to the ring, accompanied by the lovely Lacey, from Grand Rapids, Michigan, weighing in at one hundred and forty nine pounds, he is the “Barbaric Berzerker” Jimmy Jacobs!

Jacobs makes his way to the ring quickly, going to the corner for a quick pose. Jacobs down and the referee checks him for weapons. He finds a chain in Jacobs’ knee pad.

KK: What’s THAT all about?

SD: Well, if you were coming in against a lizard man, would YOU come unarmed?

KK: Point proven.

Checking Jimmy’s tights, he finds a second chain.

SD: Cock chain.

KK: Would you stop it??

The referee disposes of the chains and calls for the bell and Delirious goes CRAZY!! He begins to scream, pound the canvas, then runs around the ring like a madman.

KK: Something about that bell just makes him go crazy..

SD: He also enjoys biscuits and gravy.

KK: So I’ve heard..

Delirious out of the ring and running around the ring, screaming and flailing his arms. Once around long then a second time. He rolls into the ring and runs the ropes. Jacobs with a clothesline attempt but Delirious ducks it and keeps going to the ropes. Delirious back and he nails Jacobs with a flying clothesline. Delirious up and talking trash, but no one can understand him.

SD: Has anyone ever understood him?

KK: There was talk about Daizee...but not really.

SD: So, that makes him the Warrior of WCWA?

KK: Well, minus the steroid addiction, yes.

SD: Nice one, Kloss. You're coming along.

Delirious pulls Jacobs back to his feet and starts for a suplex, but is distracted as JC Bailey and LuFisto brawl back down the stands and into the ring. Jacobs backs away as JC, LuFisto, and referee Tim Turner spill back into the ring. LuFisto with a hard chop on JC. JC with a kick to the crotch, but LuFisto doesn’t budge.

KK: Hey! Didn't that match leave ringside already?

SD: They came back, moron.

KK: Still...

SD: Besides...he kicked her in the cunt!

KK: It's a good thing we're on HBO!

SD: I could have said clitoris.

KK: You just did.

SD: I know.

LuFisto with another swing, but JC ducks and pushes her into the ropes. LuFisto comes running back for a clothesline, but JC puts Delirious in the way. Delirious takes the clothesline and yells, telling LuFisto to try it again. Once more into the ropes goes LuFisto, and a second time LuFisto clotheslines, Delirious does nothing.

SD: This have a point?

KK: Apparently the matches are joining together.

SD: No shit, sherlock. But why? Isn't it for the Death Match title?

Again LuFisto into the ropes, this time when she comes back, she’s met by a Yakuza kick from JC Bailey. Jacobs from behind Delirious with a school boy and referee Tim Turner counts, but it scores only two.

KK: He's not the referee!

SD: Yeah. More then one ref. Like that's a bad thing. Christ, Kloss.

KK: Well, most of our refs do need help.

SD: So, now it's okay? You cave too quickly. Fucking pussy.

JC covers LuFisto, which Turner also counts, but scores two before a kick out. JC and LuFisto work their way back out of the ring as Delirious and Jacobs continues.

KK: So, it's one ref for two matches?

SD: Appears that way. Need your seeing eye dog for more details?

KK: I can see, Shane.

SD: Then why ask?

Delirious pulls Jimmy back to a vertical base. Snap suplex from Delirious with a float over, but it only scores two says official match referee Bryce Remsburg.

KK: And finally, we've regained a sense of order.

SD: Bah, order is over-rated.

KK: I think that's the next PPV title.

SD: No, it isn't. Just call the match.

Delirious pulls Jimmy up and a hard Irish whip. Delirious runs in for a flying clothesline, which he repeats with another clothesline. Three clotheslines now, followed by a fourth and a fifth. Each clothesline gets a “BOP” from Delirious, as if he’s keeping track but all his numbers are exactly the same. Six, seven, eight, and Delirious shows no signs of stopping.

KK: Looks like we're in store for the Never Ending Story.

SD: The what?

KK: It's the name of the move.

SD: I always thought it was called a clothesline.

KK: Well, paid attention. I pulled the name from Wikipedia in research.

SD: Wikipedia's full of shit.

KK: No, it isn't. Troy.

SD: Don't ever call me that again.

A ninth, a tenth and the fans are counting along. Eleven, twelve, thirteen and Delirious isn’t even getting slightly winded, while Jacobs is crumbling in the corner. Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen. Delirious pulls back hard and hit’s the seventeenth, followed by eighteen. Delirious pauses for a moment and lets Jimmy fall forward, only to clothesline him back into the corner for a nineteenth clothesline.

SD: I'm getting dizzy.

KK: Imagine how Jacobs feels!

SD: Oh, he doesn't feel anything.

KK: I'd be he differs with that.

SD: Either way...I'm still getting dizzy.

Delirious lets loose, nailing three more clotheslines for a total of twenty two, before eventually letting the beat red Jacobs fall to the mat. Delirious runs around the ring screaming and flailing his arms wildly. Lacey gets up on the apron to protest the rapid clothesline and Delirious grabs her by the boobs. She fights it off and jumps off the apron, as Delirious runs around the ring screaming “BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES, TOUCHIE TOUCHIE TOUCHIE!!”

SD: That is second base, Kloss.

KK: Yeah, I get it.

SD: And for all you virgins, there's you're whack-off moment. Sponsored by KY Jelly.

KK: And Kleenex!

SD: Yeah, you'd know! Well, at least he’s a man of his word, even if they aren’t understandable..

Jacobs slow to his feet and Delirious grabs him. Delirious calls out his move, screaming “INVETRO FERTALIZATION!” but Jacobs wiggles out of it. Jacobs into the ropes. Jacobs between the legs of Delirious and grabs a rear waist lock. Standing switch from Delirious and he locks on the set up for the Canadian backbreaker once more, screaming out “INVETRO FERTALIZATION!!” Jacobs with a low blow and he escapes.

SD: Gee, wonder what move he was trying.

KK: Um, that would be Invetro...

SD: You're ruining the joke, Kloss.

KK: Sorry.

Jacobs grabs Delirious by the head, running up the corner for his variation of the Sliced Bread #2, the Contra Code.

KK: Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, A, B, Select, Start.

SD: You're such a fag. Call it was it is.

KK: Contra Code there by Jacobs.

SD: Thank you.

Jacobs gets the twist, but Delirious brings him back to the mat and his feet. Delirious runs into the corner and breaks free from the Contra Code grip. Delirious with a back grab and he locks in again. He screams loudly “INVETRO FERTILIVATION!” but Jacobs wiggles free again. Jacobs with a go behind waist lock, standing switch from Delirious into a neck breaker.

KK: Quick neckbreaker by Delirious, and it looks like the end may be near.

SD: I thought the end was in December.

KK: What the hell are you talking about?

SD: Nevermind

Delirious to the corner and he waits for Jacobs to get up. Jacobs slowly to his feet and Delirious dives, nailing his back splash and taking Jacobs back to the mat.

KK: Shadows over Hell back splash!

SD: Shadows over Hell?

KK: That's what he calls it.

SD: Man, what a weird name.

KK: It's Delirious. You expect something that makes sense?

SD: True.

Delirious with a cover, 1.…2.…3! The bell sounds and Delirious gets back to his feet, loosing his mind once more as he runs around the ring in panic mode. “Unorthodox Manifesto” by Dimmu Borgir begins to play over the P/A system as John House announces the official decision.

JH: Your winner of this match and advancing to the second round of the International title tournament… DELIRIOUS!!

Delirious to the outside and up the ramp quickly. Lacey into the ring to check on the wounded Jacobs. Jacobs slow to his feet and he fights off Lacey slightly as she assists him to his feet.

Cut backstage, where JC Bailey and LuFisto have now brawled into a concession area. Pizza boxes lay everywhere as LuFisto throws wild lefts and rights at Bailey. LuFisto goes for a kick, but Bailey catches the foot and proceeds to untie her wrestling boot and remove it. Bailey with a hair bail throw up and over the counter to LuFisto, which stuns the Queen of Hardcore.

JC: That’s where women belong, barefoot and in the kitchen!!

SD: I've heard that somewhere before.

KK: (Nervously) Uh, Shane...no you haven't.

SD: Yes. Yes, I have!

KK: NO! YOU HAVEN'T!

LuFisto grabs a pizza pan and jumps up to the counter. High smashing type move with the pizza pan from LuFisto and Bailey goes down. Cover from LuFisto, but it’s only enough for two. LuFisto back to her feet and she walks out of the concession area. She stumbles away, but Bailey grabs the boot and flings it in her direction. LuFisto catches the footwear confused.

LuFisto: Who throws a shoe?? Seriously..

SD: Man, what a wicked case of deja vu!

KK: For the last time, you haven't seen this before.

SD: But it all seems so familiar!

Bailey comes running at LuFisto, but LuFisto catches him with a boot to the face and Bailey goes down. LuFisto pulls Bailey up and she’s going for a suplex, but she can’t get the larger Bailey up. Bailey reverses it into a suplex of his own. Bailey scrambles to get away from LuFisto, running down a long corridor. Twenty feet or so down the hallway, he bumps into Necro Butcher.

NB: JC! Good man.. Hey, I’m looking for some.. Stuff.. You got any?

JC: I’d love to, but I’m kinda in a match right now..

This meeting of the minds is disrupted by LuFisto, who comes running down the hallway screaming and nails a clothesline on Bailey. Bailey stumbles, but gets back to his feet and runs away, LuFisto following closely behind. Necro seems confused by all this, and starts down a hallway, but is stopped by Dave Prazak.

DP: Necro Butcher! Long time no see!

NB: What do you want?

DP: Why the hostile nature, Necro? Aren’t we old friends? Listen, I’ve got a proposal for you. Because as you know, I am your friend.. We go a long ways back.. And I want to see you win that first World title.. Hero doesn’t know this, but he doesn’t have to, considering I have executive powers over his contracts.. You and Hero, tonight.. How about we make it No Disqualifications?

The crowd cheers wildly, but Necro isn’t buying it.

NB: What’s the catch?

DP: No catch.. Just looking out for your best.. Really.. No DQ tonight? See you out there..

Prazak walks away, leaving Necro confused as we cut to commercial break.

(commercial break)

As we come back from commercial break, John House stands center ring with a microphone in hand.

JH: The following match is scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit and it is an International title tournament match!

A graphic that says “International title tournament” along with a picture of the belt flashes on the screen. “The Chase” by Giorgio Moroder begins to play over the P/A system and Trent Acid makes his way out onto the stage, followed shortly behind by Jim Cornette.

JH: Making his way to the ring, being accompanied to the ring by the “Manager of Champions” James E. Cornette, from South Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty five pounds, he is one half of the WCWA Tag Team champions of the World, he is “The International Superstar” Trent ACID!

Acid makes his way to the ring slowly, taunting front row fans along the way. He slides up the ring apron, entering the ring slowly, but taking time to taunt first. Acid into the ring and his music cuts off. The lights come to a dim.. The opening cords of “Medal” hit over the P/A system.. But are replaced by a loud “MOO” and the crowd goes nuts. This leads into “Hangin Tough” by New Kids on the Block and Beef Wellington makes his way out onto the stage.

JH: And his opponent.. From the Backstage Area by way of the Masturbation Nation.. Weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty and one quarter pound with cheese, extra mayo, light lettuce, and extra mustard, he is the reigning WCWA Television champion.. Beef WELLINGTON!!

Beef makes his way down to the ring, a cow bell on a rope in one hand and the WCWA Television championship in the other hand. Beef slaps some front row fans hands, ringing his bell at random points. Beef slides into the ring and goes to the ropes, holding up his hand, then pointing to his butt.

SD: Why is he pointing to his ass?

KK: Ass punch?

SD: His own ass?

KK: Well, he's not close enough to Acid's.

SD: Scary visual.

Beef down off the ropes and he hands his belt to referee PJ Drummond. Reluctantly, Acid does the same. The referee hands both belts out to the time keeper and calls for the bell, starting the match. Beef tells him to look away and points up the ramp. He does and beef catches Acid with a ball tap. Beef with a small package and the referee goes down for the count, 1.…2... Kick out from Acid.

KK: And immediately Beef hits Acid in the nuts.

SD: Not just another nuts either. The midnight nuts.

KK: Can't we just call it the Express Lane?

SD: Nice one, Kloss.

Beef up to his feet and he protests that Acid had the hair. When the referee questions the still crotch holding Acid, he denies it. The referee tells Beef that Acid denies it and Beef claims that Acid had the tights. The referee questions Acid of this as well, which he denies. Beef claims that Acid poked him in the eyes. The referee argues with Beef. Beef proclaims that Acid did catch him in the eyes, then shows the referee how by poking Acid in the eyes.

KK: Poor Acid. He's but a mere straight man.

SD: And in the ring with a guy like Beef...that could be dangerous, how?

KK: He could get punched in the ass

SD: On the ass, Kris. If it were in the ass, we'd need a later timeslot.

KK: We're already on at 10 PM, Captain Profanity!

SD: Bah, fuck you.

Acid now holding his eyes with one hand and his crotch with the other. Beef goes behind and hooks the crotched arm of Acid. Pull through and he sweeps Acid off his feet. Beef drops a split legged leg drop onto Acid’s legs and sits on it for a pin attempt, but scores only two.

KK: That was Jeff Hardy-esque.

SD: Yeah, but less gay.

KK: That was uncalled for.

SD: You're right. About as gay.

KK: Shane!

SD: Fine! Gayer. Happy?

Beef up and claims Acid pulled the tights. Acid back to his feet and he comes running in, nailing Beef with a Yakuza kick right as Beef turns, nearly decapitating the Television champion. Acid down for a pin attempt, but Beef kicks out at two. Acid up and he can’t believe it. Beef to his feet groggily and he claims Acid pulled the tights.

SD: How the fuck did he pull the tights?

KK: On the cover?

SD: I think he meant on the kick.

KK: I don't know.

SD: I doubt Acid would want to touch Beef's tights.

KK: Are you doubting Beef?

SD: Um...yeah.

KK: Well, you tell him. Not me.

Acid tries to protest the utter silliness of Beef’s claim, but the referee is having none of it, telling Acid to stay out of the tights or it’ll be a DQ. The referee goes to Beef, but Acid comes in for a rear waist lock. Standing switch from Beef, which he hooks and turns right into an E. Coli Driver!! Beef starts to go for a pin, but lets him up at one.

SD: Okay...correct me if I'm wrong here...

KK: Alright.

SD: The E-Coli Driver is Beef's finisher, right?

KK: Yes.

SD: And he just pulled him up, right?

KK: You don't miss anything.

SD: Why the hell would he do that?

KK: Easy. He wants an ass punch. And I think the fans do too.

SD: Man, is our fanbase fucking perverted.

Beef goes to the corner and he calls for the Ass Punch, raising one hand in the air for everyone to see. The crowd cheers at Beef’s threat for hand to ass violation. Acid slow to his feet, bending over graciously for the set up of the Ass Punch. Beef comes diving off the ropes, arm thrusted outwards for the Ass Punch, but Acid turns, catching Beef and locking on an ARM BAR!!

KK: He countered the ass punch!

SD: Bet you never thought you'd have to utter that sentence.

KK: You'd win that bet.

SD: I know.

Acid working the arm hard, twisting away in the counter to the Ass Punch. Beef screams in agony as Acid turns at the arm. Beef wiggles slowly, wiggling right out of his tassels. Beef turns to Acid, giving an Ultimate Warrior style scream. Acid counters with a side headlock.

SD: And Acid shows Beef that queering ain't right.

KK: Beef's not gay.

SD: I meant Warrior. Fucking homo.

KK: Oh. That I'd believe.

Beef tries to figure out a way out, but can’t. He goes to the ropes, but Acid pulls him right back to the center of the ring. Beef is starting to get frustrated. He goes to his corner of the ring. Instead of just grabbing the rope to cause a break, he grabs his cow bell.

SD: That's what this match needs.

KK: More cow bell?

SD: No. A weapon. Who are you, Christopher Walken?

KK: No, but Beef may take Acid "Back to the Future".

SD: So, what the hell...use the bell?

KK: Thanks, Brain.

Referee PJ Drummond warns of a disqualification, but Beef doesn’t swing the bell, instead opting to ring the bell. Acid releases the side headlock and Beef runs around the ring wildly, screaming and flailing his arms. Acid seems confused as Beef runs around the ring. Beef into the ropes and as he comes back, he nails a clothesline.

KK: Huh?

SD: I have no fucking clue.

KK: Yeah, that makes two of us.

SD: I think Acid may have just been outsmarted by Beef.

KK: And that's saying something...

SD: Damn right it is. Fucking fraggle is dumb as dirt.

Beef pauses momentarily over Acid’s prone body, taking a moment to shuffle in Acid’s arm with his hand. Beef slowly removes his remaining tassle. He considers throwing it into the crowd, but instead stuffs it into his pocket. Beef runs into the far ropes. Beef comes back and nails an elbow drop. Back to his feet and he raises an eyebrow.

KK: You smell what Beef is cooking?

SD: Shut the fuck up, Kloss. Don't encourage the slow kid to make a fucking fool of himself.

KK: Looks like he's making a fool of Acid.

SD: Well, yes. But don't encourage it.

Beef to the corner and he starts to stomp. Acid slowly to his feet. Incredibly slowly. Beef’s stomp speeds up ever so slightly. Acid now back to his feet and stumbling blindly, his back still turned to Beef. Acid turns around and Beef motions to his heart.

BW: I’m sorry, I love you.

SD: That's it. I quit for this match. (Sound of a microphone dropping to a table)

KK: And it looks like I'll be going solo here. That saying look familiar. Just can't place it, though.

Beef steps in and drills a super kick on Acid. Beef down for a cover, but Acid kicks out at two.

KK: Looks like the band has stopped playing that sweet chin music.

SD: (though not completely audible) YOU FUCKING TOOL!

KK: Thought you left?

Beef up to his feet and he goes to the corner, calling for the Ass Punch again. But wait! Marty Jannetty comes running down the ramp. And he trips. Everyone laughs as Jannetty’s run in attempt fails.

KK: Well, that worked. (headset being placed back on)

SD: What an idiot. Can't even do a run-in right.

KK: Again, I thought you left.

SD: No. I got a pretzel.

KK: Why?

SD: Pretzel's rule.

KK: And I (sound of crunching) WOULD YOU STOP IT??

But while Beef’s attention is turned to Jannetty, Acid has recovered from the Hamburglar’s Elbow and climbs the ropes. He hooks Beef and brings him off the top, slamming him off the top and to the mat with an Angle slam. Acid with a cover, and Beef is out of it for an easy count of three.

KK: And Acid gets the win with a super Angle slam.

SD: How many times did we see Kurt use that move here. That was just an extra 'fuck you' from Acid for all the stunts Beef pulled during the match.

KK: The end result is the same. Your winner, is Trent Acid.

The bell sounds as “The Chase” by Giorgio Moroder begins to play once more.

JH: The winner of this match and advancing to the second round of the WCWA International title tournament.. “The International Superstar” Trent ACID!

Beef slowly to his knees, but Cornette is in the ring to NAIL him right in the back with a tennis racket shot. Cornette requests a microphone. With a little bit of leeriness, John House hands his in.

JC: James E. Cornette is the manager of champions! I’ve managed the WCWA Death Match champion! I’ve managed the longest running Tag Team champions in WCWA history to two championships. I would have managed an over weight Samoan to mangling a green hatted goofball to a Heavyweight title but TNA are a bunch of horrible bookers. A monkey could book better than that.

SD: Hindsight is 20/20..

JC: And now, 2006 is the year of the rivival of Camp Cornette. 2006 is the year of the International Superstar Trent Acid. The International Superstar.. Becomes the International champion. Bank on it!

Cut backstage to Joel Gertner, who is standing alone.

JG: Well, well, well, if it isn‘t I, the Quintessential Stud Muffin, Joel “Stick a fork in her, I‘m done porkin her“ Gertner. I was supposed to be conducting an interview at this time with LuFisto, but she has yet to arrive. Sources, namely Beef Wellington, because he has top secret confidential information, tell me that LuFisto is still participating in her Death Match championship match. WAIT! There she is!

Cut to LuFisto, looking sweaty, bloody and exhausted, seemingly trying to get away. She walks towards the snazzy dressed Joel Gertner, staggering as she walks.

JG: LUFISTO! Can I get a quick word about your Death Match title match??

LuFisto grabs the microphone just as Bailey runs into the frame. She uses the microphone to smack him in the face. Bailey does a slow fall, but catches himself on a piece of the interview set. LuFisto running towards him for a spear, Bailey redirects LuFisto and throws her face first into the set. LuFisto staggers backwards and Bailey hooks her, nailing a German suplex right on the concrete. Bailey bridges it for a pin attempt, but referee Tim Turner says it’s only two.

D: I haven't LuFisto this bloody since it was her time of the month!

KK: A period joke? Really necessary?

SD: I thought so.

KK: Meanwhile, Bailey gets two more off the German on the floor.

SD: I've seen less beat Jannetty. LuFisto's a tough chick.

KK: It's Jannetty, Shane.

SD: True.

Bailey grabs LuFisto with a handful of hair and pulls her back to her feet. LuFisto with a shoulder to the gut and she pushes Bailey backwards, right from the interview set and into a catering area. Bailey fights her off and whips her into a table, which sends delicious Quizno’s subs flying everywhere. Quizno’s, the official sponsor of WCWA.

KK: I wanted a delicious Quizno's sub!

SD: You're supposed to eat before you come out here, Kris. Rookie mistake.

KK: Dammit. No more delicious subs.

SD: You're worse then Foley with those plugs, you know?

KK: They pay us good money for that. Money that pays your contract. And money that buys more delicious Quizno's subs!

SD: Bah, fuck Subway then. Lazy assholes.

LuFisto fights back, grabbing a steel plate and nailing Bailey in the face hard. The two brawl past Arsenal, who is backstage as an unbooked mooch and is eating a free sub. LuFisto goes to Arsenal and reaches into his pocket, producing a pair of brass knuckles from him.

SD: I don't even want to know why he had a pair of knucks.

KK: Neither do I.

SD: Well, now I kind of do.

LuFisto equips her hand with the set of brass knuckles and takes a wild swing at Bailey, but misses and Bailey catches her at the arm pit. Modified atomic slam/throw from Bailey and LuFisto goes right throw a catering table. Bailey with another cover, but it only scores two once more says.

SD: It's the land of the living two counts.

KK: Theater, or straight to DVD?

SD: Oh, har har. Way to ruin a joke, asshole.

KK: Well, sorry.

SD: You should be!

Bailey up to his feet and he starts up a stairwell labeled “roof”.

(commercial break)

As we return from commercial break, the shot is on the entrance way. “I’m a Hustla” by Cassidy feat. Jay-Z begins to play over the P/A system and the parade of BLK Out begins to flow through the curtain. First comes Robby Mireno, followed by Jack Evans, Allison Danger, then Sabian.

JH: The following match is scheduled for one fall with a twenty minute time limit. Being accompanied to the ring by BLK Out representatives “The Prince of Parkland” Jack Evans, “The Queen of the Street” Allison Danger and “The Frank Sinatra of Marijuana, Primo” Robby Mireno, weighing in tonight at an estimated street value of two and a quarter million dollars, from Chocolate City, he is “The Black Jesus” SABIAN!

BLK Out make their way to the ring, Mireno and Danger sliding in, Evans opening the ropes for Sabian. Sabian shadow boxes for a moment as Mireno gets the microphone.

RM: Yo, yo, yo, what’s the dealio Las Vegas?

The crowd gives a lukewarm reaction, mostly because the show is actually in Reno.

KK: Was that an attempt at a cheap pop?

SD: Looks like. Because it sure didn't work.

Mireno is unfazed.

RM: Ya know.. All week.. I been hearing “Oh, your boy Sabian is gonna get murdered. He’s gonna get beat up by Brain Damage. Brain Damage is a hardcore terminator. Brain Damage bleeds oil.” Let me tell you mother fuckers, I don’t know what Sabian bleeds, because this mother fucker never gets beat down enough to bleed!

The crowd gives another mixed reaction, this time more boos than cheers.

RM: Do you see any fear in this man? Do you see this man ready to back down from a fight? Ahh hell no! “The Black Jesus” has come for a fight. He told all his bitches and skanks to be good little whores, because daddy was coming home tonight with a Terminator dethroned. Las Vegas.. Roll the dice.. Play the roulette.. Because believe me mother fuckers… YOU ALWAYS BET ON BLACK!!

Evans hops in.

JE: BIOTCH!!

SD: I would give up this week's salary to see Evans get fucked up.

KK: I'd contribute to that fund too!

SD: Great, together we have a combined total of five dollars. PAY US BETTER YOU FUCK!

KK: And that includes my allowance money..

SD: I knew you lived with your mother..

BLK Out seem proud of themselves, until the lights dim. "Bleed For Me" by Black Label Society begins to play as the lights come back with a dim red. Brain Damage makes his way through the curtain, punching himself in the face violently in route to the ring.

JH: And his opponent.. From Last Chance, Texas, weighing in tonight at two hundred and fifty pounds.. He is the “Hardcore Terminator”… This is BRAIN DAMAGE!!

Damage into the ring and BLK Out scurry, all exiting the ring through different corners. Evans re-enters the ring and takes a swipe at Brain Damage with a chain. The chain hits Damage in the back of the head hard, but doesn’t even faze him. Damage turns around and Evans slugs him right in the face, opening up a wound, but Damage doesn’t back down.

KK: Evans just hit him with a chain, and it did nothing.

SD: He looks annoyed. Not hurt, but pissed off. And I wouldn't want to be around a pissed of Brain Damage.

KK: Look likes our salaries may go away soon here.

SD: Well, it's like ten bucks total. Really. It'd just buy more three more pretzels.

Sabian comes from behind with a chop block as Evans DIVES over the top rope for a quick escape with a crash landing.

SD: Peace out Rabbit.

KK: Huh?

SD: He split like he was on 8 Mile.

KK: Again...huh?

SD: Christ Kloss, how white are you?

Damage back to his feet and Sabian chops him. Brain Damage looks at his chest and then back at Sabian, a now rather thick flow of crimson oozing from his forehead. Sabian chops him again and gets nothing back. Sabian yells for a chair, which Allison Danger happily supplies. Sabian winds the chair back and DRILLS Damage in the head, but Damage is unfazed. Robby Mireno scurries at ringside to set up a table for no apparent reason.

KK: The chairs aren’t working, so Mireno is thinking table..

SD: Remember the death of the mini-table between Samoa Joe and Brain Damage? I’d say a WCWA table may be the only thing that can take more damage than Brain Damage.

KK: That or Necro.

SD: You may have a point.

Sabian winds the chair back again and swings with all his might, this time bending the seat of the chair over the bloodied face of Brain Damage, but it’s not doing any good. Sabian takes off running into the ropes. He comes back and goes for a cross body, but Brain Damage catches him and slams him down hard.

SD: HE BENT A FUCKING CHAIR OVER THE MAN’S HEAD AND BRAIN DAMAGE DIDN’T BUDGE! Pull out your gun and shoot the fucker, Sabian!

KK: How do you know he has a gun?

SD: He’s black. That’s like asking if a twenty five year old Mexican woman has a baby.. He probably has several.

KK: And now that we've offended pretty much everyone, expect the apology from HBO tomorrow morning.

Brain Damage mounts Sabian and attempts to slug him in the face, but Sabian wiggles out and grabs the chair. Damage on his knees and Sabian CLOBBERS Damage square in between the eyes with the chair, hard enough to knock the chair out of his own hands, but it doesn’t even faze the Hardcore Terminator, who gets back to his feet and takes off after Sabian.

SD: RUN LIKE HELL! JUST RUN! NO ONE WILL THINK ANY LESS OF YOU IF YOU RUN!!

KK: I think a retreat may be the best method here..

SD: Or a gun.

KK: Didn't we have the gun discussion already?

SD: Yeah, but let's have it again

Sabian to the ring apron, just over the table that Mireno set up earlier. Sabian with a punch to Damage with all his might but it’s not even slowing Damage down. Allison Danger up to the ring apron and she catches Damage with a low blow. Damage turns, almost curious to see what just happened. He grabs Allison by the hair and puts her in piledriver position.

KK: Rhino-driver coming!

SD: Speaking of cumming...you see Allison's panties. Jesus Christ, that's not underwear. It's a god-damn napkin.

KK: When did you become Jerry Lawler?

SD: Listen here...Jerry Lawler is a (EXTENDED BLEEP) and the Red Sox too.

KK: Did he just get bleeped? Damn, even HBO is above your standards. You managed to last an episode and a half there, Shane.

SD: Fuck off, Kloss.

Sabian tries to get her down, but just ends up pushed off the apron for a wicked splatter to the hard arena floor. Mireno up to the ring apron with his cigar in hand. He stuffs the lit cigar into Brain Damage’s forehead, which gets him to drop Allison. Unfortunately for Mireno, Damage drops her straight down off the ring apron and to the arena floor, then comes after Mireno.

SD: THE MAN JUST GOT A CIGAR PUT OUT ON HIS HEAD AND IT JUST MADE HIM MAD!

KK: Don’t poke the bear!!

SD: I think the "Frank Sinatra of Marijuana" is about to get smoked!

KK: It's "high time" someone dealt with Mireno.

SD: Wow, that one wasn't bad either. You're learning, Kloss.

Damage back into the ring and giving chase for Mireno. Jack Evans comes running at Brain Damage. Damage catches him back body drop style and sends him up and over the top rope. It seems as if he’s aiming for the table at ringside, but drastically over estimates and Jack Evans ends up flying clean over the guardrail and into the first row of chairs.

KK: It’s take home a wrestler night here in WCWA. Children under five get to take home one of the wrestlers. That lucky front row fan gets Jack Evans.

SD: Styles just called. Told you to make up your own shit. And as far as Evans go...that has to be the record for furthest wigger tossing!

Sabian back up and he goes after Brain Damage with all his force and might for a clothesline, but just ends up sidewalk slammed onto the previously used and already mangled steel chair. Damage back to the ring apron and to the arena floor, where he picks Allison Danger back up. With Danger in piledriver position, Damage steps back up to the ring apron.

KK: He’s going back after Allison.

SD: He just needs a little lovin. Maybe a machine will be enough to convert Allison.

KK: Jokes aside, this looks really bad for Allison Danger..

SD: Who was joking? She's a straight up fish chaser...

Damage points down towards the table, then dives off, driving Allison Danger head first through the table with a devastating package piledriver. Almost uncaringly, Damage stands up from the wreckage and re-enters the ring, leaving Allison a broken and battered mess on the outside.

KK: SOMEONE CALL 911!! ALLISON DANGER IS DEAD!!

SD: 911? Someone call the god damn Army!

KK: Maybe a funeral director.

SD: Allison is in need of one..

Damage back into the ring and Sabian LAUNCHES the chair. It bounces off of Damage’s head and catches the ropes, stunning the Terminator slightly. Sabian grabs the chair again and tries the same thing. Once more and Damage has had enough, drilling Sabian right between the eyes with a punch and Sabian goes DOWN! Damage with a cover. Referee Mark Hawthorne makes a count, and Sabian is down for three.

KK: Thankfully, this one is over before someone is killed..

SD: How do you know Sabian isn’t dead? And Evans? Danger still isn’t moving either..

Hawthorne bails out of the ring as "Bleed For Me" by Black Label Society begins to blare over the P/A system again.

JH: Your winner of this match.. BRAIN DAMAGE!

The camera pans upwards over the wreckage. Jack Evans lays in a mess of scattered chairs in the front row. Robby Mireno is out on the outside. Allison Danger hasn’t moved out of the mess that once resembled a table and Sabian isn’t moving in the ring. Brain Damage stands in the ring and raises his hands in victory, but lowers them when his music cuts off. It’s replaced by the BLK Out theme, much to the confusion of everyone.

SD: Yeah, who ever fucked up.. Major fuck up.. BLK Out sure as hell didn’t win this one..

Through the curtain steps Joker, camo paint and pants with a green and black BLK Out t-shirt over the pair. Joker has a microphone in hand.

Joker: Brain Damage.. You killed my soldiers.. You killed my squad.. But you know what they say.. Never turn your back on a man you fear.

Joker pauses for a moment, then turns around on the stage. He speaks into the microphone, his back still turned to the ring and Brain Damage.

Joker: Brain Damage. I’ve seen the horrors of war. I’ve seen my friends and fellow soldiers mutilated and mangled beyond recognition. You are one man. And I don’t fear you. You’ve just fired the first shots in a war you will not win.

Joker exits through the curtain, never looking back to Brain Damage.

SD: And with that, Joker may have signed his death certificate..

Cut to the roof, where JC Bailey and LuFisto now brawl. Wild punches back and forth, JC taking the worst of them. JC stumbles away, but comes back and drills LuFisto with a stop sign. LuFisto stumbles backwards and leans against the entrance to the roof.

KK: Is there anyplace in this arena that haven't fought?

SD: The women's locker room?

KK: Oh, you just want a camera there.

SD: And you don't? Fag.

Bailey comes running at LuFisto for a Yakuza kick, but LuFisto side steps and opens the door and JC crashes back into the building. LuFisto from behind and she grabs a pumpkin on her way back into the building. JC up and she smashes the pumpkin over his head. LuFisto down for a cover and the referee counts, 1.… 2.…. Kick out at 2 from JC Bailey.

SD: What the fuck? Why the fuck was there a pumpkin there?

KK: You could say that about a lot of items used in these matches.

SD: Besides the point.

KK: I don't know.

SD: Then fuck it. Pumpkin for two.

LuFisto grabs JC and pulls him up to a vertical base. She tries to forces JC over the railing and to a suspected death, but JC fights off and LuFisto stumbles back out the door. JC after LuFisto. One foot through the door but BAM! LuFisto slams the door on JC’s crotch. JC goes down and LuFisto goes for another cover, 1.…2.… kick out at two from JC.

SD: Ouch! There go his plans for tonight!

KK: And it only got two.

SD: Oh, you wouldn't be able to move after that.

KK: Much less have plans tonight.

SD: Oh, you could stay play Dungeons and Dragons, Kris.

KK: And that we've offended pretty much everyone.

SD: Except the Mexicans!

KK: Now everybody...

LuFisto goes to the railing of the building and she’s trying to pull a brick loose. JC comes from behind with a handful of ass and pushes her over the railing, holding on to her legs and leaving her to dangle hundreds of feet above cement.

KK: Oh, come on! That's woman, JC.

SD: You're right. DROP HER! DROP HER! One less bitch in the world.

KK: Have a heart, Shane. C'mon, JC.

SD: Yes, drop her already!

KK: You're an asshole, Douglas.

SD: And? Your point?

LuFisto is screaming for mercy, JC is having none of it, screaming back for her to tap. With no escape beyond a several hundred foot fall, LuFisto screams out “I Quit”. With assistance from the referee, LuFisto is pulled back onto the roof.

KK: I'm sorry. I can't condone the actions of JC Bailey tonight.

SD: Neither can I.

KK: You're actually showing a conscienous?

SD: No. He didn't drop her when he could of!

KK: Oh, that's nice, Shane.

SD: Not paid to be nice, Kris. It's in my contract.

“Living Dead Girl” by Rob Zombie begins to play over the P/A system back in the arena as JC celebrates on the darkened roof over looking Reno. JC raises the Death Match title over head in celebration as we cut away.

The Messiah lingers in a darkened hall way, leaning slightly against the wall.

TM: You know.. They say that it’s a fresh start in WCWA.. A new beginning.. All sins erased and a rebirth.. But I don’t believe in that.. The sins of all previous lives shall be carried on, forged to the soul for all eternity..

Messiah looks at his hand, his missing thumb exposed for the world to see.

TM: Rob Van Dam.. International superstar.. Former ECW Television champion for twenty three months.. But what have you done HERE? You showed up, got the tar beat out of you in a Heavyweight title match, and bailed when you got asked to compete in King of the Death Matches.. That year.. I WON the KOTDM.. RVD.. I’ve bled for this company.. I’ve been burned alive for this company.. I’ve been here for two years.. Busting my ass week in, week out.. This is MY opportunity.. Your sins and vices will be the naught of you.. You’re facing the Son of God.. And you shall fall from grace..

(commercial break)

As we come back from commercial break, John House stands center ring with a microphone in hand.

JH: The following match is scheduled for one fall with TV time remaining. It is a WCWA World Heavyweight title tournament match and it is your MAIN EVENT! It will be no disqualifications, no count out, falls count anywhere, there must be a winner!

KK: You think Prazak has something in mind here, Shane?

SD: I'd say he has to. Especially since I doubt Hero is dumb enough to face him No DQ's otherwise.

A graphic that says “World Heavyweight title tournament” along with a picture of the brand new World Heavyweight title belt flashes on the screen. The chorus of “Wind Beneath My Wings” by Bette Midler begins to play over the P/A system and the crowd begins to buzz.

JH: Soon to be making his way to the ring, being accompanied by his manager, Dave Prazak, from Metropolis, weighing in tonight at two hundred and thirty pounds, he is “Your Hero” this is CHRIS HERO!!

“Wind Beneath My Wings” cuts off, but fades into “Kryptonite” by Three Doors down. The introduction to this song plays momentarily.

KK: Does he do this every time?

SD: Yes.

KK: TV Time remaining means you MIGHT get to see Hero make it to the ring!

SD: Well, halfway to the ring. Let's be realistic

As the chorus to Kryptonite hit, Dave Prazak makes his way through the curtain, followed shortly behind by Chris Hero. The two make their way to the ring, taunting fans along the way. To the ring apron, Prazak goes up one side of the turnbuckle and Hero goes up the other side for a double pose. They are still posing there as the lights cut off.

SD: This is WCWA.. We don’t have special effects.. We just turn the lights off..

KK: Very multipurpose effect.. A run-in, entrances.. The works..

The opening cords of “Freebird” by Lynyrd Skynard hit over the PA system.

SD: And of course these douche bags have to hold lighters up..

KK: Maybe they are afraid of the dark..

SD: Maybe you’re afraid of not being a dumb ass.

As Freebird plays, Necro Butcher comes stomping out of the curtain, barefoot as the day he was born.

JH: And his opponent, from WEST BY GOD VIRGINIA, weighing in tonight at two hundred and seventy pounds, The Necro BUTCHER!!

Necro down to the ringside area and he grabs a chair and tosses it into the ring. Hero quickly grabs the chair and throws it back. Necro grabs the chair and slams himself in the head with it. Necro into the ring with the chair swinging wildly as Freebird cuts off. Hero bails out of the ring.

SD: You can't really call him a human being, can you?

KK: He's more of a...(long pause)

SD: Exactly. There are no words to describe him. Either you love him or hate him. And he truthfully doesn't care either way.

Necro right after Hero as the bell sounds, officially beginning this match. Hero tries to take a break on the outside but Necro is right behind him. Necro throws him up and over the guardrail and into the crowd. Hero lands in the first row of chairs. Necro hops the rail and grabs up a knocked over chair, slamming it down hard on Hero.

SD: Is this Falls Count Anywhere?

KK: Yes. Can you not hear John House?

SD: I can...I just ignore him like most of our fans.

KK: Why do you ask?

SD: Well, what's the point of going out into the crowd so quickly?

KK: You want to be the one to tell Necro he can't?

SD: ....

KK: I didn't think so.

Necro with another chair and he throws it at Hero. A helpful nearby fan begins folding up chairs and handing them to Necro, who proceeds to throw each and every chair at Hero, burying Hero beneath a pile of chairs. With only Hero’s legs sticking out of the sea of metal, Necro feels it’s time to stop.

SD: I don't know about six feet under, but I see a foot.

KK: For a guy who played a 'Dean', you're a damn idiot.

SD: Yeah, it was a stupid gimmick.

KK: Cowabunga

SD: Next time the lights go down, I'm going to slit your fucking throat.

Necro walks away, climbing up onto the guardrail. Necro calls for a leg drop, but is disrupted by Dave Prazak, who pushes him off the guardrail. Necro does a flip and lands straight down onto the concrete with a vile splat. Hero slowly to his feet and he has a chair in hand. He’s daring Necro to get up. Necro to his knees slowly and Hero swings the chair. Hero hits Necro so hard with the chair that the set pops clean out! Necro looks on with an angered stare.

SD: JESUS CHRIST! HE BROKE THE FUCKING CHAIR!

KK: And Necro is just staring at him. How tough is this 'man'?

Hero grabs a second chair and lifts it high over head, but drops it on the backswing to kick Necro between the legs. Necro goes down.

SD: Well, that's one way.

KK: One way? It might be the only way.

SD: True.

Hero hops back over the guardrail. Hero going towards the ring, but he’s cut off by a chair throw right to the back from the already recovered Necro Butcher. Necro hops the rail and is giving chase for Hero. Hero grabs the time keeper’s table and shoves it into Necro’s way. Necro catches the table and throws it back at Hero, hitting him right in the spine with the table.

SD: It's like catch from hell.

KK: Yeah, and I think Necro is winning.

SD: I'd say so. Unless you're Hero's chiropractor. Then you're winning.

Necro with the undersized table as Hero is recovering. He sets the table up on the outside and grabs Hero by a handful of hair. Hero fights out of it with punches to the mid section and he grabs Necro with a Cravate. Necro with a side waist lock trying to escape the Cravate, but he can’t. Necro lifts Hero with the side waist lock and gives him a side slam, right through the time keeper’s table!

KK: And finally, after as hard as Joe and Damage tried, Necro and Hero finally killed the damn table.

SD: I don't think killed it, so much as it cried out uncle.

KK: And it's the Butcher in total control now.

Necro rolls over for a cover on Hero, 1.…2.… broken up by Dave Prazak at two.

SD: Does that little rat want to die?

KK: By the looks of things, yes.

Necro up and he gives chase for Prazak. Prazak out running the Butcher by a good way, but Necro isn’t giving up. Around the ring they go, Prazak running for his life in fear of the Necro Butcher. Back towards where they started and Prazak runs under Hero. Necro unaware of what’s going on and Hero catches him with a power slam for a nasty splat on the arena floor.

SD: Told you he had a plan!

KK: No, you asked if Prazak had a plan.

SD: It's the same thing.

Hero pulls Necro Butcher back to a vertical base, trapping him with a front facelock. Knees to the face from Hero. Hero tries to lift the Butcher but can’t get him up. More knees to the face and Hero is able to lift Necro for a side suplex, throwing him right onto the announce table.

SD: FUCK.

KK: Maybe we should move.

SD: You can move if you want. I want to see the action

Hero instructs Dave Prazak to hold down Necro. Bleakly, Prazak does as instructed. Hero up to the ring apron and to the top rope. A quick Superman pose from Hero and he dives off the top, sailing through the air and nailing a back senton, the announce table EXPLODING below the two men.

SD: (High pitched beep followed by static)

Both men now down on the outside, Kris Kloss screaming into the microphone, yet no words audible. Shane Douglas seems quite agitated as he looks down at the two wrestlers laying where his desk used to be. Hero slowly recovers, putting an arm over Necro’s chest. 1.….2.… kick out from Necro Butcher.

KK: Chris Hero just dove from the top of the top rope, down a good fifteen feet to Necro Butcher, putting him through our announce table and he kicked out.

SD: (coming in mid word): ike those ...... asses on CZWfans!

KK: We are now rejoined by Shane Douglas..
SD: That make air?

KK: Yes.

SD: Good. Fucking fags.

KK: Shane!

SD: It's true. It's simple folks. If you don't like it, don't watch it. If you do, let us know. Elsewise, fuck off.

Hero off of Necro and into the ring. Necro slowly back to his feet and Hero is taunting him to get into the ring. Necro slowly to his feet and he starts into the ring. Necro through the ropes, but the lights go out!!

SD: Can't this company pay the god-damn electric bill?

KK: Well, we were gone for almost two weeks. What do you think?

SD: Sheesh, going to have to pass a fucking hat around at these shows.

KK: Or bring in Sonjay Dutt with his tamborine.

A sea of black and small poofs of fire from the crowd is all the eyes can see. The lights come back up though, Hero backed into one corner, Necro Butcher center ring, and SABU behind him!! Sabu has a chair in his hand and he VIOLENTLY smashes Necro right in the back of the head with the chair. Bill Alfonzo into the ring, bouncing around wildly as Necro crumbles to the mat.

SD: Can't this company pay the god-damn electric bill?

KK: Well, we were gone for almost two weeks. What do you think?

SD: Sheesh, going to have to pass a fucking hat around at these shows.

KK: Or bring in Sonjay Dutt with his tamborine.

SD: To help Hero, duh.

KK: But why now?

SD: Um, because he can.

Hero over to Sabu, greeting the madman with a hug. Hero grabs Necro by the head and locks on a Cravate. Hero with a turn of the Cravate so Necro is on his knees. Hero twines the legs, the Cravate still locked on. Hero puts his back to the mat, elevating Necro into the air in a modified Surfboard type maneuver, the Cravate still locked on.

KK: And I'm being told that's the Super Hero Special.

SD: The what?

KK: Hey, he named it. Not me.

SD: Sounds like a damn Quizno's sandwich.

KK: Hey, don't knock Quizno's. They pay for us to be able to call these.
SD: Quizno’s, the official sub sponsor of WCWA

Sabu circles around the submission hold with chair in hand. Sabu with a wild swing and he hits Necro right in the knee with the chair. Necro screams in agony from the combination chair shot and submission hold. Again Sabu swings and again he nails him right in the knee. Once more to the knee and Necro is screaming in agony. Necro Butcher has no choice but to tap out.

KK: And with a huge assist from Sabu, Chris Hero is moving on.

SD: Yeah, but that's the important fact, Kris. That Hero is moving on. He's now one step closer to being WCWA champion. A title that had eluded him so far.

The referee calls for the bell, but Hero still has the submission locked on. The bell sounds again and the referee is telling Hero to let go of the hold. He’s threatening a reverse decision. 1.…2.….3.…4 Hero finally breaks the hold.

KK: And Hero almost gets himself disqualified..

SD: Wouldn’t it have been something if Necro Butcher qualified for the Heavyweight title by not escaping a submission hold?

John House announces the official decision as “Kryptonite” by Three Doors Down begins to play once more.

JH: Your winner of this match and advancing in the World Heavyweight title tournament, CHRIS HERO!!

Hero and Sabu stand over Necro’s broken corpse menacely, Bill Alfonzo blowing a whistle wildly. Dave Prazak gets between the two men and raises both of their hands high into the air.

KK: There you see the first man qualified for the three way World Heavyweight title match at Hurt.. But at what cost? Is winning really worth going these crooked roads? For Joel Gertner, “The Franchise” Shane Douglas.. I am Kris Kloss, we’ll see you next week on Synthetic.

© 2005/2008 WCWA & Half Life Media

 

[realslimshady4545]

Junior Heavyweight Battle Royal
Winner to Receive a Junior Heavyweight title shot at HURT
Arsenal, Darin Corbin, Ryan Cruz, xOMGx, Scotty Vortex, Chrisjen Hayme, Jerrelle Clark, Billy Roc, LuFisto, Marty Jannetty
Eight men, a woman, and Jannetty enter, one will leave with a shot at the WCWA Junior Heavyweight title guaranteed in this over the top rope battle royal.

WCWA International title tournament, semi-finals
One on One match
Chuck Taylor
versus
Trent Acid
In the first semi-finals match of the International title tournament, “Raccoon City’s Favorite Son” Chuck Taylor does battle with one half of the WCWA Tag Team Champions “The International Superstar” Trent Acid. One man will advance to the WCWA International title tournament finals at HURT.

WCWA International title tournament, semi-finals
One on One match
“Spyder” Nate Webb
versus
Delirious
In the first semi-finals match of the International title tournament, “Spyder” Nate Webb does battle with “The Lizard Man“ Delirious. One man will advance to the WCWA International title tournament finals at HURT in this battle of the unorthodox.

Special Grudge Match
Brain Damage
versus
Jimmy Jacobs
Jimmy Jacobs considers himself the Barbaric Berserker, a genuine Super heavyweight. On the debut edition of Synthetic, Jacobs called out Brain Damage. Call the funeral home now, Jacobs’ funeral will be Tuesday.

WCWA Television title match
Beef Wellington ©
versus
Michael Nakazawa
Beef Wellington defends his WCWA Television title for the first time since the Re-Up, and against the debuting Japanese superstar Michael Nakazawa. As Beef steps into the unknown, will he be prepared against an unknown challenger? Will the gold be changing hands? Find out on Synthetic.

MAIN EVENT
WCWA World Heavyweight title tournament match
No Disqualifications, No Count Out, Falls Count Anywhere match
Eddie Kingston
versus
Sabu
In the second of three title tournament, “The Last of a Dying Breed” Eddie Kingston does battle with “Homicidal, Suicidal, Genocidal” Sabu. Kingston is looking to prove himself as a credible challenger for the Heavyweight title and in the future of WCWA, while Sabu is looking to re-establish. Following the Necro-Hero match being made No DQ, No Count Out, and Falls Count Anywhere, it was ruled that all three title tournament matches will be in this style.

 

[realslimshady4545]

The show opens with a mini-vignette showing highlights from last week’s episode, with Delirious and Trent Acid advancing in the International title tournaments by defeating Jimmy Jacobs and Beef Wellington respectively. This cuts to a still of LuFisto hanging upside down from the roof of the building, which cuts to Allison Danger taking a package piledriver through a table from Brain Damage. The montage ends with the debut of Necro Butcher tapping out to a combination of Chris Hero’s submission and Sabu assaulting with a chair to close the show.

Cut LIVE! To the Cow Palace in San Francisco, California as an impressive pyrotechnics display explodes over the staging set up, shooting explosives up the green on black mechanic wall. Soon, a display above the ring has ignited as well, leaving the entire arena in a cloud of smoke.

KK: WELCOME TO WCWA SYNTHETIC ON HBO!!

“Synthetic” by Spineshank begins to blare over the loud speakers as the final pyros explode. A quick pan over the sold out and hyped audience shows the crowd absolutely electric.

KK: I am the new voice of World Championship Wrestling Alliance, Kris Kloss, alongside the man of a thousand bleeps.. “The Franchise” Shane Douglas.

SD: We’re at the Cow Palace and more than seventy five percent of the roster is getting paid!

KK: Huge card lined up tonight, as the semi finals of the International title tournament will take place. “Sexy” Chuck Taylor versus “The International Superstar” Trent Acid and “Spyder” Nate Webb versus Delirious.

SD: I think my head just exploded. As if Nate and Delirious isn’t insane enough.. The other side of the brackets have Taylor and Acid! When the guy that threatens to punch children is the baby face.. There’s problems..

KK: Beef Wellington defends the WCWA Television title tonight against the debuting Michael Nakazawa.

SD: And it’s a crock of shit. I really don’t care what you’ve done elsewhere. This isn’t Japan. This isn’t Chikara. This isn’t Ring of Honor. When you get here, you need to prove yourself. You don’t just come in and get title shots. I hope Beef punches this Jap’s colon out.

KK: And our main event tonight.. WCWA World Heavyweight title tournament.. “Homicidal, Suicidal, Genocidal” Sabu versus “The Last if a Dying Breed” Eddie Kingston. Tonight, just like last week, it’s no DQ, no count out, pin falls count anywhere.

SD: Last week, the stipulation was added to Hero-Necro, obviously in Necro’s favor. Kingston’s done death matches.. But he’s facing Sabu.. This HAS to lie in Sabu’s favor..

KK: All that, plus so much more, let’s send it to WCWA Ring Announcer John House for the opening introductions!

Cut to Ring Announcer John House standing center ring.

JH: Our opening contest tonight is a special over the top rope battle royal. The winner will receive a guaranteed spot in the Menage Et Trois tournament!

“Seven Nation Army” by The White Stripes begins to play over the PA system and Arsenal makes his way through the curtain, followed shortly behind by Billy Roc.

JH: And now, the participants! From Cochrane, Ontario, Canada, weighing in tonight at one hundred and fifty five pounds.. The Arsenal! From Lafayette, Indiana, weighing in tonight at one hundred seventy five pounds, “Pure Dynamite” Billy Roc! From The Dude Ranch, because he’s HUNG LIKE A HORSE, weighing in tonight at one hundred and ninety three pounds, “Delicious” Darin Corbin! From Anywhere But Here, weighing in tonight at one hundred and seventy five pounds, “Ravishing” Ryan Cruz!

The ring is starting to fill up with talent as House continues the introductions.

JH: From Mexico City, Illinois, weighing in tonight at a generic Junior Heavyweight weight, he is Conquistador DOS! From Firedome, Arizona by way of the RAAGE Dojo, weighing in tonight at one hundred and fifty five pounds, he is the Hardcore Luchador, xOMGx! From Indianapolis, Indiana by way of the RAAGE Dojo, weighing in tonight at one hundred and sixty pounds “Tex-a-Mex” Scotty Vortekz! From Pelmont, Alabama, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty five pounds, “Better than You” Chrisjen Hayme!

More participants file down to the ring as House continues.

JH: From Clearwater, Florida, weighing in tonight at two hundred and three pounds, “Mr. 630” Jerrelle Clark! From Montreal, Quebec, Canada, weighing in tonight at one hundred and thirty seven pounds, “The Undisputed Queen of Hardcore” LuFisto.. And from Clearwater, Florida, weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty four and three quarter pounds, “The Midnight Rocker” Marty Jannetty!

LuFisto and Jannetty enter the ring and the bell sounds, officially beginning the battle royal.

KK: Jannetty was JUST BARELY under the two hundred and twenty five pound weight limit.. That HAS to give him an advantage in this match, being almost twenty five pounds heavier than the next biggest person in the match.

SD: Am I the only one that notices that Conquistador has titties? That’s historically inaccurate.

KK: Sadly, not the biggest boob in this match, either.

Billy Roc and Scotty Vortekz struggle by the corner, Jerrelle Clark and xOMGx teaming up on Darin Corbin, Conquistador immediately going after LuFisto, everyone else sort of wondering around blindly and throwing random punches. Conquistador almost has LuFisto over the top already, but Arsenal makes the save.

KK: Notice how the Conquistador went straight for LuFisto?
SD: Yeah...so?

KK: Well, who's not out here that has problems with LuFisto?

SD: SeXXXy Eddy.

KK: Does he have boobs?

SD: Well, if you believe him, usually has a set somewhere near him...

Jannetty comes running at the Vortekz and Billy Roc struggle in the corner for an attempt to knock them both out. They both side step and Jannetty’s own momentum takes him over the top rope.

SD: And there goes the biggest boob in this match.

KK: I'm pretty sure LuFisto's are bigger.

SD: How would you know? You've never seen a pair of tits.

KK: Yes, I have!

SD: Yeah, Lizzy doesn't count. Everyone saw hers!

Ryan Cruz and Darin Corbin both go after Chrisjen Hayme, working him over with strikes and forearms, eventually trying to lift him up. xOMGx and Scotty Vortekz work a similar strategy on Jerrelle Clark. LuFisto and Conquistador are exchanging vile punches, Conquistador showing no regrets to slugging LuFisto right in the teeth. In the far corner, Arsenal is sent over by Billy Roc.

KK: And Roc sends out Arsenal.

SD: Kloss, you could eliminate Arsenal. He's like seventy-five pounds soaked.

KK: Thanks for your confidence, Shane.

SD: Call the fucking match, Kris.

Arsenal is just making his way to the back, but is almost hit by Jerrelle Clark, who is finally propelled up and over the top rope and to the arena floor by the combination xOMGx and Scotty Vortekz, with assistance from Billy Roc.

KK: I think 'Mr. 630' just crashed and burned.

SD: Oh, very funny Kloss.

KK: I thought so.

SD: Well, you thought wrong. Moron.

Ryan Cruz and Darin Corbin are still working on Chrisjen Hayme in the corner. LuFisto into the ropes and she comes back and nails Conquistador with a Japanese girl’s dropkick. Conquistador stumbles backwards and bumps into the human pretzel of the Northstar Express and Chrisjen Hayme. Cruz looses footing and is taken over the top via a hurricanrana from Hayme, eliminating both men.

SD: And unintentionally...the Mic...Conquistador takes out two participants.

KK: The what?

SD: The conquistador.

KK: What did you say before that?

SD: I don't know what you're talking about.

Vortekz with a backbreaker center ring to Billy Roc, xOMGx to the top rope. He’s calling for a Demolition Decapitator, but is interrupted by Darin Corbin running up the ropes. xOMGx catches him and throws him from the top to the outside with a hip toss, causing a horrifying landing for Corbin.

SD: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!

KK: There's an image of that going around the internet...

SD: Oh, crack a joke. Darin Corbin almost died, and you crack a joke.

KK: Didn't know there was an appropriate time to crack one.

SD: Well, there is, and that wasn't it.

xOMGx dives off the ropes, nailing a leg drop for the Demolition Decapitator on Roc. LuFisto has tackled the Conquistador and is trying to remove the mask. xOMGx pulls LuFisto off of Dos with a handful of hair, then nails a lung blower. Vortekz pulls Billy Roc up and sends him flying over the top rope.

KK: You notice it's always xOMGx saying the Conquistador's ass?

SD: Well, I guess the luchadores stick together.

KK: Even when one isn't a luchador?

SD: We don't that for sure?

KK: Really?

SD: Okay, we do...but the humanoids out there don't.

KK: I think they cracked it, Shane.

Conquistador with mounted punches on LuFisto, slugging her right in the face. LuFisto goes back for the mask and xOMGx tries to make the save again. Vortekz from behind xOMGx and he pulls him off. Slight argument between the two Naptown Dragons. xOMGx pushes Vortekz. Vortekz goes for a kick to the mid section but xOMGx catches it. Vortekz nails an enziguri instead.

KK: And now the two Dragons are going out it...

SD: Where's Steve when you need him?

KK: Um, didn't he leave that show?

SD: Yeah, but it still fits.

LuFisto pulls Conquistador up with a handful of hair. xOMGx rolls out of the ring under the bottom rope and grabs a chair from ringside. Back into the ring and he BLASTS Vortekz from behind with the chair. Vortekz stumbles to the ropes.

KK: I thought those two were partners...

SD: All's fair in love and wrestling!

KK: Love?

SD: It's to enter a 3way tournament...of course there's love.

KK: Not that kind of 3way, Shane.

SD: Man, is Gertner going to be pissed then!

xOMGx sets the chair up center ring. Vortekz back after him for a clothesline, but xOMGx arm drags him. Conquistador and LuFisto brawl across the ring. LuFisto going for the mask again and once more, xOMGx makes the save. LuFisto tosses away Conquistador and goes after xOMGx. Rapid punches and xOMGx is dazed. LuFisto grabs up the Hardcore Luchador in a torture rack esque position, but turns it and drops xOMGx right on his head, onto the seat of the chair with a burning hammer!!

KK: OH MY GAWD!

SD: Alright, Joey. Settle down.

KK: Burning Hammer through the chair.

SD: And that's no cheap plastic chair either. That is fucking metal!

KK: I think xOMGx is dead.

SD: Yeah, wouldn't surprise me.

Cut to a replay, showing xOMGx’s neck essentially fold from the burning hammer, the set of the chair bending with the impact of his head. The bottom left hand corner has a Quizno’s logo.

KK: The Quizno’s Toasty Fresh Slam of the Night here.. xOMGx’s neck gets rearranged like an assortment of ham, cheese, and salami. Quizno’s, the official sub sponsor of WCWA.

SD: Delicious. And only five dollars for a footlong.

KK: I've heard that somewhere before...

SD: Shush. We've never heard of any other sub companies

The chair is destroyed and seemingly so is xOMGx. Vortekz pulls him up and disposes of him over the top with ease. Conquistador and LuFisto brawling by the ropes again and LuFisto finally gets the mask off and it’s Mickie Knuckles!!

KK: (Deadpan) It's Mickie Knuckles.

SD: You don't sound surprised.

KK: I'm not.

SD: Me either.

Mickie and LuFisto firing sickening punches at each other. Vortekz from behind with a clothesline and he sends them both up and over the top rope. “Jedi Mind Tricks” by Heavy Metal Kings begins to play as Scotty Vortekz is the last man standing in the ring.

KK: And the two girls' beef with each other gets the better of them, as Scotty Vortekz wins.

SD: Mmmmm, girl on girl beef.

KK: Thank you, Joel Gertner.

SD: Shut up, Kloss.

John House at ringside.

JH: Your winner of this match, and receiving a guaranteed spot in the Menage Et Trois tournament, SCOTTY VORTEKZ!

Vortekz back to his feet center ring, referee Bryce Remsburg sliding in to raise his hand.

Cut backstage, where the BLK Out surround Joel Gertner. Joker, Sabian, & Ruckus swarm the left side, Allison Danger, Eddie Kingston and Jack Evans on the right side, with Allison closest to Joel.

JG: It is I, The Quintessential Stud Muffin Joel "The skinless banana in your tropical fruit salad of love" Gertner and I am here with..

Mireno snatches the microphone.

RM: Yo, yo, yo, what’s the deal San Fran? Let’s get the introductions done yo. To my left, “The Cambodian Ax Murderer and the Liquid Terminator” Joker. He is the “Lexington Steele of Professional Wrestling, The Black Jesus” Sabian, “The Pat Sajak of the Fat Paysack, The Chris Cash of Smoking Hash, and the Bruce Lee of OOHHH WEEE!!!” Ruckus! To my right, “The Whitney to my Bobby” Allison Danger, “The Last of a Dying Breed and your NEXT WCWA Heavyweight champion of the World” Eddie Kingston, and your current WCWA World Junior Heavyweight champion “The Prince of Parkland and the Second Coming of Brian Pillman” Jack Evans! Collectively, we are known as the BLK Out. The most dominant force in professional wrestling!

Mireno passes the microphone to Ruckus, who passes it to Joker

Joker: Brain DAMAGE! Last week.. You showed your dominance.. You showed your killing instinct.. You took out Evans.. You took out Allison.. Congratulations.. You beat up a hundred and fifty pound white kid and a skinny little girl.. Brain Damage.. Believe me mother fucker.. You don’t know what you’re dealing with. I’ve been to war. I’ve seen my men annihilated before me. I don’t fear you.

Joker passes the microphone off to Evans.

JE: Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo homie yo. This Menage Et Trois tournament.. It’s shit homie! Jizzak Evans is the most dominant chizzampion this fizzederation has ever had, yo, so they make me run the gauntlet. Street soldiers always run with homies though.. And the BLK Out comes equipped, armed, locked, cocked, and loaded.. This tournament.. It’s gonna be all BLK Out.. Jack Evans may be the first entrant.. But your second, third, fourth, and fifth entrants are right here, yo. Ruckus, Sabian, Allison Danger, Robby Mireno..

Evans passes the microphone off to Ruckus.

Ruckus: Backseat Girls. Gonna keep this short and simple. Me and my boy Sabian are comin for you. Those belts are comin home to the BLK Out. Yo ass is grass and I gotta pocket full of papers.

Ruckus passes the microphone off to Kingston

EK: All week.. All I’ve been hearing is.. Eddie Kingston, you’re gonna get hurt.. You’re gonna get beat up.. You’re going down in round one to Sabu. I don’t fear Sabu. I don’t give a damn about Sabu. I grew up on the streets. I lived on the streets for eight fucking years.. I’ve been hit with cars and bats because I was a fucking prick.. Sabu.. You’re nothing to me.. This is my fate.. This is my destiny.. I am the next WCWA World Heavyweight champion.. Sabu.. There’s nothing you or anyone else can do about it..

Kingston passes the microphone back to Mireno.

RM: Because believe me mother fuckers… YOU ALWAYS BET ON BLACK!!

JE: BIOTCH!

(commercial break)

As we come back from commercial break, the shot is on the entrance way. “The Touch” by Stan Bush. Jimmy Jacobs makes his way out onto the stage, trailed behind by the lovely Lacey. Jimmy slides into the ring under the bottom rope, demanding the microphone from House.

JJ: Two weeks ago on the debut edition of Synthetic, I was supposed to have my big break out match. I was supposed to be made into a star. But due to a lack of TV time, my match was cancelled. Because they wanted to fit in an extra lengthy BLK Out introduction or something.. My match got cut. Tonight, tonight is the night of Jimmy Jacobs. Hit the enhancement talent’s music.

"Bleed For Me" by Black Label Society and the crowd lets out a collective gasp. This gasp is only furthered as Brain Damage makes his way through the curtain, punching himself in the face in route to the ring.

JH: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is a special challenge match. Already in the ring, from Grand Rapids, Michigan, weighing in tonight at one hundred and forty nine pounds, he is the “Barbaric Berzerker” Jimmy Jacobs! And his opponent, making his way to the ring, from Last Chance, Texas, weighing in tonight at two hundred and fifty pounds.. He is the “Hardcore Terminator” Brain DAMAGE!

Brain Damage into the ring and Jimmy doesn’t even wait for him to get to his feet to start the onslaught. Referee Phil Drummond calls for the bell, officially beginning the match. Jacobs hammering away at Damage with rights and lefts, Damage working his way to his feet. Stomps from Jimmy and Damage is on his hands and knees. Jimmy with a back senton, but he just rolls right off Brain Damage, who is now back to his feet.

KK: Um, someone call 911?

SD: He's in the building tonight?

KK: I meant the ambulance.

SD: Oh, well that works too, I suppose.

Jimmy to the outside to try to come up with a plan, Damage right after him. Damage with a handful of Jacobs’ hair and he LAUNCHES him into the steel ring steps, sending the top piece of the steps flying. Jacobs slowly back to his feet and his face is now covered in a crimson mask. Jacobs trying to run away but Damage is right behind him.

KK: Um, Jimmy, run! No one will take less of you if you do.

SD: We can't think less of him as it is. We cut his match once already!

KK: That's not my point.

SD: But it is mine!

Jacobs into his boot and he pulls out a metal spike. Damage sees the spike but keeps coming after him. Jacobs in for a spike shot, stabbing Damage right in the forehead with the jagged metal spike. Damage pulls the spike and Jimmy’s arm away, a thin line of blood oozing from the open wound.

SD: So, it is real blood.

KK: What, were you expecting motor oil?

SD: Well, yes to be honest

Jimmy looks at his now crimson stained spike then back to Brain Damage, who gives him a devastating punch right between the eyes. Jimmy’s face rocks from the impact and he goes down on the outside.

SD: Where I come from, we call that a one hitter quitter. Because the fight is over.

KK: Where do you come for?

SD: Pittsburgh. Where did you think?

Jimmy is dead weight on the outside, but not a whole lot, as Damage easily lifts him up and rolls him into the ring. Damage up to the ring apron himself, Lacey tries to interject herself into the match by grabbing Damage’s leg. Damage kicks her off and she goes sailing back, violently smacking the back of her head on the metal guardrail. Damage back after Jimmy, who is still out on the mat.

KK: What was Lacey thinking?

SD: I'm a dumb slut whose going to try to get in Brain Damage's way?

KK: Thanks, Shane.

SD: Well, don't ask questions you don't want me to answer.

Damage with a handful of bloody hair and he pulls Jimmy up to his feet. Damage hooks the arms, lifting Jimmy into the air and delivering a nasty package piledriver, seemingly dropping Jimmy right on his head. Damage with a cover and Jacobs is out of it for a count of three.

SD: You know, that move is banned in certain parts of the states.

KK: And you can see why. Sickening impact of Jacobs' head into the mat
.
SD: Well, get what you ask for, Jimmy. See you in three months!

KK: As Brain Damage continues his roll.

The bell sounds as "Bleed For Me" by Black Label Society begins to play over the P/A system once more.

JH: Your winner of this match, BRAIN DAMAGE!

Damage looks in the camera and makes a cut throat motion.

KK: Could that have been a message sent to Joker here tonight?

SD: Jimmy Jacobs isn’t Joker though.. Joker has about fifty pounds and a legit mean streak on him that Jimmy doesn’t..

Damage grabs Jimmy by the hair and pulls him, dragging him to a vertical base. Damage lifts Jimmy above his head in a bench press style, then walks to the ropes, sending Jimmy sailing to the mats below with a vile splat.

With this, we cut backstage to Joel Gertner, standing by with Mickie Knuckles.

MK: My name is Mickie Knuckles.. And I am a professional wrestler.

JG: And then there's me, I'm like milk, I do a body good, the Quintessential Stud Muffin, the man who's wit is more tongue in cheek than a lesbian orgy, Joel “your girlfriend has me on her speed dial because she loves the way I star 69 her” Gertner.

Mickie seems displeased as the crowd chants in unison “GERT-NER! GERT-NER!”

JG: Mickie Knuckles, earlier tonight, you entered yourself into the Manage Et Trois battle royal, just to get a piece of LuFisto. Obvious jokes aside, what EXACTLY is your problem with LuFisto?

MK (taking the microphone): Joel.. You know a thing about hardcore.. What is hardcore? Barbed wire, glass, tables, chairs, fire.. And what isn’t hardcore? Anime pigtails and pink short skirts. Lemme tell you something Joel.. You don’t see me dressing up pretty.. You don’t see me trying to swoon the boys.. You don’t see me dry fucking SeXXXy Eddy. I may be a woman.. But I’m a wrestler.. LuFisto.. LuFisto is a joke. LuFisto. You’re dealing with one bad bitch. Your day will come..

Mickie walks away, leaving Joel with the microphone.

JG: Is there anywhere I could find a tape of LuFisto dry fucking??

Fade away to an advertisement for WCWA’s next Pay Per View offering, HURT. HURT comes to you live from the MGM Grand Ball Room in Las Vegas, Nevada. Tickets go on sale Tuesday via Ticketmaster.

(commercial break)

As we come back from commercial break, ring announcer John House stands center ring with a microphone in hand.

JH: The following match is scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit and it is a second round match in the WCWA International title tournament!

A graphic flashes on the screen with the International title, branded with the words “International title tournament”.

“Unorthodox Manifesto” by Dimmu Borgir begins to play over the P/A system and Delirious makes his way out onto the staging area on his knees, hoping up to his knees only when his name is announced.

JH: Making his way to the ring, from the Edge of Insanity, weighing in tonight at one hundred and ninety six pounds, this is DELIRIOUS!!

Delirious runs to the ring at a break neck speed, grabbing a hat along the way from a front row fan and winging it deep into the crowd. Delirious into the ring and he starts trash talking and slapping his chest. Unwittingly, John House provides him with the microphone.

Delirious: BAWK HODGY WODGY SPYDER NATE WEBB YUHOPILKIS CUERWEYU TENYRU INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP POPYQUE NO WAY FOR DELIRIOUS LOSE!! BOP!!!! BOP!!!! BOP!! BOP!!! BOP!!!

The crowd goes crazy for Delirious’ promo as he heads to the corner, perching himself with his fists to the mat in a crouching position. John House goes to the corner and retrieves the microphone.

KK: Did he just name-drop Genichiro Tenryu?

SD: Well Kloss, it is an INTERNATIONAL title.

KK: Still...I'm not sure...

SD: That's because the Delirish to English translation hasn't quite been mastered yet.

The lights come to a quick dim and the opening cords of “Teenage Dirtbag” by Wheatus begins to play. The crowd claps in unison, looking around the arena for Nate Webb.

JH: And his opponent, soon to be making his way to the ring, from Beer City, by way of Flavor Country, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty five pounds, he is the “Arachnid Superstar”.. “Spyder” Nate WEBB!!

The camera finally finds Nate lingering backstage, Beef Wellington lingering around suspiciously.

BW: You know, your entrances are pretty cool. You’ll have to let me be in one now.

Nate looks at Beef, then looks directly into the camera, then back at Beef, before shrugging.

NW: How about now?

Nate begins to dance, Beef looking on with a confused look. Nate passes the dance to Beef, who proceeds to attempt to do the robot. Nate takes off through the curtain, coming down the ramp for one of the first times in his WCWA stint.

SD: Time out.

KK: What now, Shane?

SD: Isn't there a clause in his contract that says he can't use the entrance ramp?

KK: No, but it just seems that way.

Nate down the ramp and he hops the guardrail, starting a group clap in the crowd. Finding an attractive girl in the crowd, Nate tries to get her to dance with him. Meeting a brick wall of resistance, Nate reaches into his pocket and produces money. The girl is still unwilling. Nate produces more cash, but she still won’t dance.

SD: Now, he's paying people?

KK: Apparently not enough.

SD: Think she makes Ashley money?

KK: Oh, will you stop?

Finally, a third handful of cash is pulled out and the girl gives an uninspired wiggle. Nate flips her off and stuffs all his money back into his pocket, much to the applause of the sold out crowd.

SD: Why would you carry that much money to the ring?

KK: He did well at the gimmick table?

SD: Wait, since when do we have a gimmick table?

KK: Quizno's got it for us. You can buy delicious subs there too!

Nate hops back over the guardrail and slides up to the ring apron, scaling to the top rope. At the bridge of the song, Nate does a backflip to the center of the ring, landing on the mat right as the song finishes.

SD: (singing) 'Cuz he's just a teenage dirt...

KK: Will you knock it off?

SD: That damn song is catchy. Another reason to hate Nate Webb.

KK: Wait, you're looking for reasons to hate people now?

SD: Well, no. But that is one.

Nate to Delirious, waving his hand over Delirious’ face to no response. He lifts Delirious’ arm, but it falls limp. Nate mocks him going to a like pose, but gets nothing from Delirious.

KK: Is he trying mind games with Delirious?

SD: That won't work. Everyone knows Delirious had a lobotomy.

KK: Oh, stop it.

Referee Michael Z calls for the opening bell and Delirious goes CRAZY! He’s up to his feet and running randomly around the ring. Delirious into the ropes, Nate drops down center ring. Delirious up and over and into the far ropes. Nate hops up and leap frogs over Delirious as he comes back. Delirious into the far ropes, Nate into the near. Both men come running into the center of the ring, both going for clotheslines and nearly decapitating each other.

KK: A double KO already?

SD: Hey, you try running around the ring that much and not getting blown up.

KK: Blown up?

SD: Nevermind.

Both men slowly and woozily back to their feet as referee Michael Z starts the obligatory standing ten count. Both men up. Delirious goes for a clothesline but Nate ducks and Delirious spins all the way threw. Nate goes for one but Delirious ducks it. Delirious with a leg sweep attempt, but Nate hops over it. Nate with a dropkick attempt, but Delirious simply backs away and Nate crashes and burns on the mat.

SD: Please not the indy applause stance!

KK: The what?

SD: The indy applause stance. It's a cheap way to generate a reaction from the crowd.

KK: Oh. Um, okay.

SD: Ya'know, when the crowd isn't made of paid extras like your other job

Delirious tries to drop an elbow on Webb, but Nate scrambles back to his feet and Delirious catches nothing but canvas. Webb with an elbow attempt, but Delirious is able to get back to his feet and Webb catches the mat. Delirious with an elbow attempt, but he misses completely as Webb is back to his feet. Webb with another attempt, but he gets nothing but another miss.

SD: Please, someone connect.

KK: Still more contact then the XFL.

SD: Very timely, Kriss.

KK: Well, thank you.

Delirious goes for one more elbow, but Nate gets out of the way. Nate with a leg drop attempt, but he lands ass first on nothing but canvas. Delirious hooks the legs and floats over into a bridging pin, 1.…2... Flip from Webb into a pin attempt of his own, 1.…2.… Delirious pulls it back into his pin attempt, 1.…2.… Webb springs out of it and back to his feet, going for an elbow but Delirious rolls out of the way.

SD: Near fall sequence there.

KK: Has any move even connected yet?

SD: The double clothesline at the beginning.

KK: Anything else?

SD: I don't think so.

KK: So, there have been more two counts then moves?

SD: Correct.

KK: It's like a Kevin Nash match!

Delirious back to his feet and he goes for an elbow drop, but Webb rolls out of the way and back to his feet. Webb with a standing front flip, but he crashes and burns on nothing but canvas. Delirious with a spinning splash attempt, but he too catches nothing but canvas.

SD: Okay, this is getting absurd.

KK: We passed absurd two and a half minutes ago.

Webb with a front face lock. Delirious spins out of it with a wrist lock. Webb with a standing switch into a wrist lock of his own, taking it behind the back of Delirious. Delirious works under the wrist lock, reversing it into a wrist lock of his own and pulling Webb back to a front face lock. Webb lifts Delirious up for a back body drop, but Delirious flips it and lands on his feet and both men get their hands up for an INDY STAND OFF~!, much to the applause from the crowd.

SD: Son of a bitch.

KK: That's what you meant?

SD: Yes.

KK: Oh, I knew that.

SD: And it doesn't piss you off?

KK: Well, no.

SD: You're a fucking moron.

KK: Yeah, you've told me that before.

Nate calls for a lock up center ring. Delirious agrees and drills Nate with a low blow. Delirious into the ropes and he goes for a bull dog, but Webb catches him and redirects him into the turnbuckle, crotching him between the top and middle ropes. Webb to the corner, slowly climbing. Delirious wiggles free and scrambles back to his feet. Delirious with a push and Nate Webb goes sailing from the top of the top rope to the outside with a violent crash.

SD: And they both get hit in the nuts.

KK: Plus Webb crashes violently to the floor in the process.

SD: After getting hits nuts attacked.

KK: Will you get off his nuts?

SD: And I'm the crude one here?

Delirious climbs the corner, perched on the top rope looking down at Webb. Webb slowly back to his feet and Delirious dives off the top rope, going for the Shadows over Hell backsplash, but Webb moves out of the way and Delirious hits nothing but arena floor.

KK: He went for Shadows Over Hell to the floor and came up empty.

SD: Ouch.

KK: That's all you have?

SD: Um, fucking ouch?

KK: (Sighs) Why bother?

SD: Because I'm your colleague.

Webb with a handful of mask, slowly pulling Delirious back to a vertical base and he rolls him back into the ring. Webb into the ring himself and he goes for a pin attempt, 1.…2... Kick out from Delirious and Nate Webb can’t believe it.

KK: I still think there should have been more two counts then connected moves.

SD: We get it. It's low on the snowflakes.

KK: I didn't say that. I just said it's low on the connected moves.

Webb grabs Delirious by the head and pulls him back to his feet. Webb calls for the Soylent Green, but Delirious slides out of it and hooks a sleeper hold. Webb runs into the corner and climbs out of it, into a pin attempt that scores just a count of one from Referee Michael Z. Delirious springs out of it.

SD: A one count!

KK: Well, we did mention there were a lot of twos.

SD: Still…a one count?

KK: It happens, Shane

Webb comes running in for a clothesline, Delirious ducks under and catches him with a rear waist lock. Standing switch from Nate Webb, Standing switch back from Delirious, Webb switches it back and locks on a half nelson, Delirious with a switch out of it and he locks on a full nelson.

KK: Masterlock.

SD: Shut the fuck up!

KK: Well, it is.

SD: Yeah, except Webb's not a no-nuts 'roid case.

KK: You sure are focused on his nuts today.

SD: Shut the fuck up again.

Webb wiggles out of it and catches Delirious with a chin crusher. Webb up to his feet. He tells Delirious to run into the ropes. Delirious does as instructed. Delirious comes back and Webb catches him with a drop toe hold into a float over. Delirious up to his feet and he questions why Webb did it. Delirious with a hard slap to the face of Nate Webb.

KK: I think Delirious is mad.

SD: Or is he happy? Nervous? Sad? You can never really tell with him!

KK: Oh, knock it off.

Delirious with an attempted kick to the mid section, Webb with a catch followed by a leg whip, but Delirious runs right through with it and to the corner. Delirious jumps off for a back splash, but Webb sees him coming. Delirious lands flat on the mat. Webb waits for Delirious to get up and hooks him from behind, Delirious nails him with a low blow, undetected to Referee Michael Z.

KK: Go ahead, Shane.

SD: What?

KK: Make a testicles joke.

SD: Why would I do that?

KK: Because that's what you do.

SD: Oh, that's just nuts.

Delirious goes under and he gets Webb into a torture rack position, but he turns it and drops Webb on his head with a Burning Hammer!! Webb is out!!

SD: Oh, that is beyond gimmick infringement. That is punishable by death in several states!

KK: Even Kobashi doesn't use that move that much any more.

SD: Delirious went legit international on us!

Delirious with a cover and it’s enough for three.

KK: And Delirious picks up the win.

SD: Well, duh. Let's see you kick out after getting dropped on your head.

KK: I have no intention of trying.

SD: I can fix that. I'll beat you like your name was Jannetty.

“Unorthodox Manifesto” by Dimmu Borgir begins to play over the P/A system as Delirious gets back to his feet, getting his hand raised in victory.

KK: We send it backstage to Joel Gertner, standing by with LuFisto!

JG: Well, well, well...It is I, Joel...The Quintessential Stud Muffin.. While the ladies here in Frisco love Barry Bonds for swinging a huge bat, they love me even more for having a huge sack! Gertner and I am here with LuFisto

LuFisto: I'm not here for fun and games and all that shit. I'm here to call out this little redneck cunt Mickie Knuckles. Mickie Knuckles. You want to fuck with me? I am the baddest bitch you'll ever meet and Mickie, I will cripple you. Fuck with me and I'll be your worst enemy.

LuFisto walks away as we cut to commercial break

(commercial break)

As we come back from commercial break, the shot is on the entrance way. “Tainted Love” by Soft Cell. Through the curtain steps an extremely oily Japanese man, with a bottle of oil in his hand.

JH: The following match is scheduled for one fall and will be for the WCWA World Television championship! Making his way to the ring, the challenge, from Kyroe, Japan, weighing in tonight at two hundred and three pounds, in his WCWA debut, this is Michael Nakazawa!!

Nakazawa makes his way to the ring, rubbing more oil on his chest in route to the ring. As he slides into the ring, he goes to the corner, applying MORE oil to his arms and chest. Nakazawa hops down off the ropes and oils up his hands, stretching them in a circle.

SD: The last time I saw that much baby oil, there was a pool and two ladies involved.

KK: Wrestling match?

SD: Well, they said it was, but I knew better.

KK: Was it Francine?

SD: Don't get me started on that bitch!

The lights dim and “Medal” hits over the P/A system and the crowd pops huge. From the intro of this, a loud MOO erupts through the arena, replacing Medal with “Hangin Tough” by New Kids on the Block. Through the curtain steps Beef Wellington, a cowbell on a rope in one hand and the WCWA Television championship in the other.

JH: And his opponent.. From The Backstage Area, with a seasonal residence in Allison Danger’s underpants, weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty and one quarter pound with cheese, he is the WCWA Television champion.. Beef WELLINGTON!!

Beef comes down the isle way as Nakazawa proceeds to pour more oil on his chest. Beef slides into the ring, tossing the WCWA Television title down, then kissing his cowbell and handing it off to referee Michael Z. Z retrieves the title and holds it high above his head for all to see.

SD: There is no way he's been in Allison's underpants.

KK: Yeah, I'm with you there. The only male she's even considered liking here was a referee.

SD: What ever happened to that shmuck?

KK: I heard he went out of business.

SD: Yet another poorly run career. So sad. Dumb fuck.

The bell sounds and this match is under way. Nakazawa rubs the last of his oil on his thighs and Beef calls for a lock up. Nakazawa is more than happy to oblige, but the oil on his hands causes Beef’s hands to slide right out of the lock up. Beef rubs the oil on his green cow pattern shorts and calls for another lock up. Nakazawa rubs his chest then locks up and Beef slides right back off of the lock up.

KK: You know, I’d almost think Beef is enjoying himself in there.

SD: Well, if you believe the rumors, he’s very familiar with the oil.

KK: How so?

SD: He was in Team Masturbation for crying out loud, Kris.

KK: Oh, there is that.

Beef has enough of this oily locking up and kicks Nakazawa in the mid section. Beef with a side headlock attempt, but Nakazawa slides right out of it. Nakazawa with a grab from behind and he takes Beef down with a Russian leg sweep. Nakazawa to the corner to grab his oil bottle.

KK: More?

SD: Apparently he doesn’t have enough…

KK: That or Beef’s wearing it.

SD: Well, it’s what he planned for.

Beef back to his feet and he goes after Nakazawa for a rear waist lock. Nakazawa slides right out of it. Beef reapplies it and Nakazawa slides out again. Beef grabs him once more and Nakazawa slides out again, this time spinning around and spitting a mist of oil right in Beef’s face. The referee warns of a disqualification.

SD: I hear baby oil is legal in NWWL, Kris
.
KK: Well, most of the performers there aren’t.

SD: Are you saying they’re breaking laws?

KK: If that’s considered wrestling, yes.

Beef stumbles around blindly. Nakazawa gets behind him on all fours and table tops Beef. Nakazawa with a roll up and a handful of shorts, 1.…2... Referee Michael Z stops the count when he sees the shorts pulling.

KK: He had the tights.

SD: That bastard! How dare he?

KK: You're in a chipper mood tonight.

SD: I'm always in a chipper mood. What the hell does chipper mean?

KK: Why don't you tell me, 'Dean'?

SD: Don't make me smack you.

Nakazawa back to his feet and he goes back to the corner to get his oil again, but Michael Z stops him this time. Nakazawa fights it, Beef from behind with a school boy but Nakazawa slips right out of it and gets back to his feet. Beef with a kick to the mid section and he grabs Nakazawa, nailing an E.Coli Driver on Nakazawa. Beef starts for a cover, but pauses.

KK: And why isn't Beef going for the win?

SD: Hey, no one ever said his happy meal had all it's french fries, Kris.

KK: Oh, that's nice, Shane.

SD: It's the truth.

Beef goes to the corner and grabs the bottle of oil. Michael Z warns of a disqualification. Beef shrugs. He proceeds to pour oil all over his hand. Beef to the top rope. He’s waiting for Nakazawa to get back to his feet. Nakazawa does and he stumbles around blindly, ass sticking out. Beef dives off for the Ass Punch, but Nakazawa turns around and Beef punches him right between the legs with the oiled hand.

KK: That has to be a DQ.

SD: Yeah. You can't attack a man's nuts like that. Think of the children!

KK: Nakazawa has children?

SD: Think of his lover!

KK: Yeah, that ain't happening either.

SD: Think of his blow-up doll. There, happy?

Nakazawa down and in a hell of a lot of pain. He’s on his face and holding his groin. Beef to his feet. Beef yells out “I LOVE YOU TED DIBIASE” then drops an oiled fist drop, right to the ass.

SD: So much wrong with that...so little time.

KK: You don't think DiBiase would approve of punching a man in the ass?

SD: No more then he'd approve of being Jake Roberts' roommate.

Beef with a cover, but it’s only enough for two on Michael Nakazawa says Referee Michael Z.

Beef to his feet and he’s looking at the cowbell. Beef goes to the corner and grabs the cowbell, Nakazawa going to the opposite corner and grabbing the oil bottle. Both men come in, hiding their respective foreign objects. Both turn, Beef ready to clobber with his bell, Nakazawa ready to spray with the oil. Both stop when they see each other, pointing with their free hands.

SD: I am done with this match.

KK: But I need you, Shane. Who's going to come up with wise-ass comments?

SD: Um, the bookers?

KK: The what?

SD: The people who write the show.

KK: I have no clue what those are.

SD: Yeah, because XPW didn't have one.

Beef yells out, verbally commanding Nakazawa to put down the oil at the same time he puts down the bell. Both lean down slowly with their items. Close to the mat, they both pull back up at the same time, brandishing their respective items at each other. Back down towards the mat they go, this time placing both items on the mat.

SD: What the hell?

Both men shake hands center ring over their respective items and head towards the ropes. Both men exit the ring and start up the ramp. Referee Michael Z starts the twenty count. Beef and Nakazawa are nearly up the ramp at the ten count when Beef comes to his senses.

BW: Oh shit, we’ve still got a match to wrestle.

SD: This is just so wrong.

KK: Yeah, I can't call this with a straight face.

SD: Trust me, you aren't the only one not straight there...

Beef grabs Nakazawa by the head and drags him back to ringside. He rolls Nakazawa into the ring under the bottom rope, then enters himself. Nakazawa has already grabbed the oil. He runs into Beef with a corner tackle, ramming Beef right into the corner. Nakazawa lifts Beef’s shirt up over his face. He proceeds to oil up his own hand, then chops Beef across the chest hard.

KK: If it's the ones that 'thud' that hurt, what do the ones that 'smack' do?

SD: Um, hurt? It ain't rocket science, Kloss.

Beef stumbles out of the corner, his ¾ Ass Punch jersey still up over his face. Nakazawa gets him with a drop toe hold and he goes down. Nakazawa starts to lock an STF on Beef Wellington, gathering up the legs in the typical STF style. Instead of locking it with his own legs, he sticks the legs up into Beef’s jersey, locking Beef with himself.

SD: He pretzeled him!

KK: Is that anything like potato'd?

SD: Don't make me potato you!

KK: Sheesh, just asking.

Beef screams in agony as his legs are locked in themselves, the jersey slightly choking him. Nakazawa sits in the corner, taking a breather as Beef is trapped in the perpetual submission hold. Beef crawls towards the ropes, trying to escape his own submission. Beef is nearly to the ropes, Nakazawa runs in and baseball slide kicks him in the face, effectively breaking the submission hold.

SD: And the kick is good!

KK: Oh, very funny.

SD: Fine, I'll try another route.

KK: Please don't.

SD: GOOOOOOOOOAL!

Referee Michael Z frees Beef from his shirt. Beef stumbles back to his feet. Michael Nakazawa oils up his elbow then comes running in, going for a roaring elbow type move, but Beef ducks it. Nakazawa turns back around and Beef catches him with a kick to the mid section. Beef bounces into the ropes and comes running back, grabbing Nakazawa’s head and nailing a Cutter, accidentally or not onto the cowbell that was still in the ring.

KK: I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S NOT CUTTER!!

SD: But it is..

KK: No, that’s the name of the move..

SD: That’s a dumb name.

KK: Blame Beef, not me..

Beef with a cover, referee Michael Z slides into position, 1.…2.…3!

KK: Who, Beef?

SD: No, both of you.

“Hangin Tough” by New Kids on the Block begins to play over the P/A system as Beef gets back to his feet, handed the WCWA Television title from referee Michael Z, then getting his hand raised in victory.

JH: Your winner of this match and STILL WCWA Television champion.. Beef WELLINGTON!

Nakazawa to his feet and he requests a hand shake. Beef is leery, but finally obliges, only to get an oily disgusting hand shake. Beef scrambles out of the ring as Nakazawa gives the crowd a cheesy grin and two thumbs up.

SD: I don't see why Beef's angry.

KK: What do you mean?

SD: Doesn't that baby oil help his plans for tonight?

KK: (Groan)

SD: You know it's true!

Cut backstage to Joel Gertner, who is with Arsenal.

JG: Well, well, well, if it isn’t I, the Quintessential Muffstuffer. Oops, I mean Studmuffin, Joel “I deliver more package than Fed Ex, but I never come early” Gertner! And I am here with Arsenal. Arsenal, earlier tonight, you were in the Menage Et Trois battle royal. If anyone knows about Menage Et Trois’s, it’s me.. Why do you think you were eliminated so early?

Arsenal: Well Joel..

Arsenal is cut off when Jim Cornette and the Backseat Boys barge into the scene. Cornette snatches the microphone away from Gertner.

JC: I can tell you why this stack of nickels got eliminated so quickly. I’ve seen wrestlers take bigger shits than him. Are those your arms kid or are they 3 toothpicks glued together? Hit the gym, kid, the grown ups want to talk..

Arsenal starts to step away slowly, but gets a little faster following a kick to the butt from Kashmire. Cornette turns towards the camera as the Backseats stand on either side of him, the WCWA Tag Team titles glistening on their shoulders.

JC: Now that that pipsqueak is out of the way, the champions can talk. And when Jim Cornette’s Backseat Boys talk, people listen. You know why they listen, Joel? Of course you don’t, because you think with your cock and not your brain. Go back to the internet and look at internet porn and hope you can find a Russian sex slave!

Gertner starts to walk away, getting exiled by a taunting Trent Acid making a masturbation type motion.

JC: When the Backseat Boys are on the TV screen, people pay attention. You know why? Because the Backseat Boys have all the gold. The longest reigning WCWA Tag Team champions of all time. And who can even compete with them? A bunch of street thugs and reefer heads called BLK Out? The “Where Are they Now” files of Christian York and Joey Matthews?? Those TN Wannabes Daniels and Flip??? There is NO ONE out there that can dethrone the Backseat Boys..

Kashmire makes a cut throat motion as Cornette hands the microphone off to Trent Acid.

TA: Tonight.. I expand my collection of gold. San Francisco, I’m in for a gold rush. You could call me the San Francisco 69’er. Tonight, I knock Chuck Taylor down about four pegs. I’m not a kiddie, Chuck. Go beat up on a seventy five pound half black kid and leave the serious stuff to the professionals.

Acid tosses the microphone forward, caught by the hand behind the camera, which comes forward in front of the camera to catch the microphone. The Backseat Boys walk away as we cut to commercial break.

(commercial break)

As we come back from commercial break, ring announcer John House stands center ring with a microphone in hand.

JH: The following match is scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit and it is a second round match in the WCWA International title tournament!

A graphic flashes on the screen with the International title, branded with the words “International title tournament”.

“Hey Sandy” by Polaris begins to play over the P/A system. Chuck Taylor makes his way out onto the stage to a roaring disapproval. In his hand he has a small baby doll

JH: Soon to be making his way to the ring, from Raccoon City, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty five pounds this is “Sexy” Chuck Taylor!

Chuck down the ramp, brandishing a fist at anyone who dares acknowledge him. Chuck slides to the ring apron and into the ring. He throws the baby doll down on the mat and drops an elbow on it, effectively squashing the plastic toddler.

KK: So, we've proven Chuck Taylor can beat up a baby doll.

SD: Heh, that was a tough baby doll! You should've seen the can of whoop-ass it opened on Jannetty!

KK: That doesn't make it tough. That makes it par for the course here.

SD: True.

“The Chase” by Giorgio Moroder begins to play over the P/A system and the lights come to a dim. Through the curtain comes Trent Acid, the WCWA Tag Team championship dangling from his waist band and nearly dragging the ground, manager Jim Cornette shortly behind him flailing a tennis racket wildly. Next out is Johnny Kashmire. Kashmire is in his street clothes, but still has his WCWA Tag Team title belt dangling from his waist.

JH: And his opponent, being accompanied to the ring by the “Manager of Champions” Jim Cornette and one half of the WCWA Tag Team champions Johnny Kashmire, from South Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty five pounds, he is Every Woman’s Dream and Every man’s threat.. This is “The International Superstar” Trent ACID!

Acid into the ring and he seems displeased. The music cuts off as Acid strolls across the ring mat. He grabs House by the collar and backs him into the corner, telling him something. House nods as Acid speaks.

TA: That introduction was absolutely deplorable.. Now please do it correctly..

JH (with considerably less enthusiasm): And his opponent, being accompanied to the ring by the “Manager of Champions” Jim Cornette and one half of the WCWA Tag Team champions Johnny Kashmire, from South Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty five pounds.. He is the Epitome of Masculinity, The Pimp of the Midwest, The Man who puts the X in Sex, The Gold Standard of Professional wrestling, the Dancing Destroyer, The King of Sting, The Ambassador of Kick Your Ass-itor, The Count of Manifesto, Every woman’s pet and every man’s threat, “The International Superstar” Trent ACID!

Acid grabs the microphone back from House.

TA: As you can see, the BLK Out aren’t the only ones who can have fifty different nicknames. Chuck Taylor.. It’s nothing personal. But tonight, you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time. I’m sorry about your luck.

Acid hands the microphone back to House, who exits the ring. Referee Rick Feinberg requests the WCWA Tag Team title from Trent Acid, but Acid instead opts to hand it to Cornette. Cornette and Kashmire finally exit the ring and the bell sounds, officially beginning the match.

SD: When the fuck did we hire Steve Corino? Christ, that entrance was long as hell!

KK: That's Acid for you.

SD: Talentless shmuck.

KK: I think the fans may be behind Chuckie T here.

SD: And he hates them too. Not a good situation for a fan to be in.

Lock up center ring, Acid works it into a side headlock, Taylor shoots Acid into the ropes and as Acid comes back, Taylor throws a picture perfect dropkick. Taylor with a cover, but it’s only enough for a count of one. Taylor to his feet and he confronts referee Rick Feinberg.

SD: Disrespectful kickout.

KK: You expect anything different from Acid?

SD: Well, no. But not at the beginning of the match.

Acid from behind with a school boy and he gets a handful of tights. Feinberg down for the count, but even with the handful of tights it’s only enough for two. Taylor up and he says that Acid had a handful of tights. Acid attempts to deny it. Taylor tells the referee to ask the crowd. He does and the crowd gives a resounding response of uninterestedness. While the referee is distracted, Taylor takes the opportunity to give Acid a low blow.

KK: These two are like brothers...

SD: Fellow cheaters, fighting the good fight.

KK: The good fight?

SD: Well, for them, it is.

Jim Cornette up to the ring apron to protest the low blow, referee Rick Feinberg goes to the corner to get him off the apron, Taylor takes the opportunity to absolutely assault Acid’s genitalia, delivering rapid fire punches to the lower nut sack region. Cornette is going insane on the ring apron as Acid’s junk takes the beating of a lifetime, but the referee is having none of it and is still trying to get Cornette off the ring apron.

SD: I haven't seen someone get his nuts beaten that hard since...

KK: Oh, don't even think you're going to get to finish that!

SD: But...

KK: No! Even HBO has standards!

SD: I was going to plug their late night movie!

KK: No you weren't!

Kashmire slides into the ring with a WCWA Tag Team title belt in hand. He comes in for a swing at Chuck Taylor’s head, but misses and hits Acid right in the crotch with the championship belt.

SD: Again, Acid takes it in the nuts!

KK: That sounds so wrong.

SD: You're telling me. I'm the one that said it.

Taylor to his feet and he goes into his tights, producing a chain. Referee Rick Feinberg turns around just as he’s wrapping the chain around his fist. The referee takes the chain away and tosses it to the outside. Chuck is not to be foiled though, as he produces a second chain from his trunks and wraps his fist in it.

KK: Looks like Chuckie came prepared.

SD: You'd think the ref would've check for weapons.

KK: Yeah, well, he didn't.

SD: And now Acid's going to pay for that!

Taylor takes a wild swing with the chain, but misses and is caught in a full nelson from Trent Acid. Acid instructs Cornette to give him the kibosh with the tennis racket. Cornette up and he’s ready to drill Taylor. Acid walks Taylor to the ropes, Cornette winds back and BAM! But NO! Taylor ducks and it’s Acid that takes the tennis racket shot to the face!

KK: And now Camp Cornette is zero for two.

SD: Sounds like a math equation.

KK: It is.

SD: Then no part of it for me. I have enough expierence with trying to be smart in wrestling.

KK: Didn't work out so well?

SD: Not really.

KK: So, class was out of session?

SD: Fuck you, Kloss.

Acid stumbles dazed, Chuck slides behind for a school boy. Count of one and Taylor lifts his own feet up and gets them on the ropes, two… Referee Rick Feinberg sees the feet on the ropes and stops the count. Taylor up and protesting.

SD: Cheated one time too many there, Chuckie.

KK: Give him time. He'll find a way. I'm sure.

SD: Win if you can. Lose if you must. But always cheat.

KK: Thank you, Bobby Heenan.

SD: My pleasure, Gorilla.

Acid is left alone momentarily, Cornette slides the tennis racket into the ring to him. Acid grabs the tennis racket and comes running in with an ax handle smash type move with the racket, but is caught by referee Rick Feinberg. Feinberg is getting rid of the racket and both men go to their tights. Both produce handfuls of powder and turn, each unleashing a powdery storm into the other’s face.

KK: How much do you want to beat that Tracy Smothers had something to do with this debacle?

SD: It wouldn't surprise me.

KK: And I think the fans are actually getting into the match now.

SD: What match? There's been like three wrestling holds.

KK: Two more then a Kevin Nash match!

SD: True.

Both men stumble around the ring blindly with powdered eyes. Center ring they meet up, both jabbing each other in the eyes at the same time. Both men now have powdered and poked eyes, but are still on their feet. Both men run blindly to the center ring and nearly decapitate each other with a double clothesline, taking both men down to the mat.

SD: I have nothing to say here.

KK: It's like a Beef match.

SD: But more shenanigans.

KK: And I didn't think THAT was possible.

SD: Me either.

Referee Rick Feinberg starts the standing ten count, but what is this?? Allison Danger is making her way down the ramp! Referee Rick Feinberg stops his count and turns his attention to Danger, who immediately hops to the ramp when she gets to ringside. Referee Feinberg goes to the ropes to try to get her down, but Danger grabs his hands and sticks them up her shirt!

SD: You know he isn’t enjoying it..

KK: Why not?

SD: Danger’s not a teenage boy.

KK: Oh… …..wait, what?

SD: I wonder what our old referee thinks. All he got was a hug.

KK: I’m guessing he’s not around any more..

Feinberg is getting a nice feel of Danger, but is trying to get away to go back to doing his job. Through the crowd from the opposite side is Robby Mireno, Jack Evans, Ruckus, Sabian, and Joker. Evans takes out Cornette with a spear and throws him into the crowd. Joker attacks Kashmire, destroying him as well. Ruckus and Sabian get chairs from ringside and slide into the ring.

KK: Yeah, this ends bad for Acid.

SD: You think?

KK: I know.

SD: It was rhetorical, Kris.

KK: Gunsendheit.

Acid stumbles unknowingly to the center of the ring, where he receives a DEADLY con-chair-to from Ruckus and Sabian. Acid down and out, BLK Out retreating back through the crowd the same way they came. Danger hops down off the ring apron and Feinberg is able to turn back to the match, just as Chuck Taylor gets an arm across the chest of Acid. 1.…2.…3!

KK: And Chuckie T takes it.

SD: That may have been the longest grope in recorded wrestling history.

KK: It is a good thing we're on HBO now.

SD: Hell, Allison's could pull them out, and it'd be okay.

KK: Are you saying she should?

SD: Are you saying she shouldn't?

KK: Well...

SD: Fucking queer. You're as bad as RF is.

The bell sounds as “Hey Sandy” by Polaris begins to play over the P/A system.

JH: Your winner of this match and advancing to the finals of the WCWA International title tournament, “Sexy” Chuck TAYLOR!

Chuck isn’t exactly sure what has happened, but takes the win regardless, choosing to head to higher ground before anyone comes to or changes their mind. Cornette slides into the ring and Acid is out of it, and bloodied.

Cut backstage to Joel Gertner. Joel stands near a WCWA backdrop next to a shirtless Beef Wellington, who has a soapy rag and is feverishly scrubbing his chest and arms.

JG: For it is I, the quintessential stud muffin, Joel "In a city known for queers, I offer something ladies do not fear. For if they do come near, I shall shoot them right between the ears" Gertner. And I am here with the reigning WCWA Television champion Beef Wellington.

BW: I can’t get this oil off of me! Why won’t the oil come off?? It’s like that time I accidentally fell asleep at SeXXXy Eddy’s house!!

JG: Try more oil. Oil takes off oil..

BW: That’s ludicrous..

JG: Believe me.. I know baby oil..

Gertner raises his eyes in a perverted manner as Beef looks on with confusion.

JG: Beef, tonight you retained you WCWA Television title. The immediate future is clear, with you defending that championship at HURT against Marty Jannetty.. But what about down the line? You’ve got to be watching the WCWA Heavyweight title tournament with eager eyes, considering you have a number one contendership and guaranteed title shot to cash in, whenever there actually is a champion.

BW: You see, Joel, most people would have hotshotted off their title shot, blew their load early and ended up disappointing Elsa Bangz to the point she had to leave me in favor of a man with a five pound penis, but that’s not me. Not any more. I could have traded off my title shot and entered the tournament. I could have been the one getting mauled by the Necro Butcher last week. I could have been the one getting a chair smashed across my head from Sabu this week, or getting Van Daminatored by RVD next week.. But I chose not to.

JG: A mauling by Necro Butcher is not all it’s made out to be.

BW: Indeed it isn’t. So what I’m doing.. I’m sitting on my title shot.. I’m waiting until the right time.. When there actually is a champion and I don’t have to beat like sixty nine people to win the title.. And then, I will job in a taped exclusively for the internet, but do so in a way that makes everyone laugh. Because that’s just the kind of guy I am!!

Beef walks away as we cut to commercial break.

(commercial break)

As we come back from break, a vignette airs for the WCWA HURT Pay Per View. HURT is coming to you live on Pay Per View Sunday January 21st 2006 from the Freeman Coliseum in San Antonio, Texas. Call your local cable or satellite provider and order WCWA HURT by name!

As we come back to the arena, the shot is on the announce table, where Kris Kloss and Shane Douglas sit.

KK: International WCWA fans, we have big news for you.. Three weeks from today, WCWA Synthetic will come live from the Sporthalle in Hamburg, Germany. This will be WCWA’s first tour of Germany in it’s four year existence. We will be filming four episodes of Synthetic in Germany, climaxing with a Pay Per View extravaganza from Olympiahalle in Munich, Germany, for the very first world wide shown Pay Per View wrestling event ever filmed in Germany, Trial and Error.

SD: This is a really big deal for WCWA, going on an international tour. This will be our first of hopefully many tours.

JH: Let’s send it to John House!

Cut to John House standing center ring with a microphone in hand.

JH: The following match is scheduled for one fall with TV time remaining. It is a WCWA World Heavyweight title tournament match and it is your MAIN EVENT! It will be no disqualifications, no count out, falls count anywhere, there must be a winner!

KK: Isn't that how Necro lost?

SD: Yeah, but that's because Hero is a cheating asshole. If Kingston and Sabu are going to do anything, they'll do it face to face.

KK: So, how does that favor?

SD: Us. We get to watch it.

A graphic that says “World Heavyweight title tournament” along with a picture of the brand new World Heavyweight title belt flashes on the screen. “I’m a Hustla” by Cassidy feat. Jay-Z hits, but cuts off from the intro and fades into “Diamonds from Serra Leone” by Kayne West ft. Jay Z. Eddie Kingston makes his way through the curtain, followed shortly behind by Robby Mireno, Jack Evans, & Allison Danger, with Sabian bringing up the rear, a bottle of water in his hand.

KK: If that's the case, why are Sabian, Mireno and Allison out here?

SD: Moral support.

KK: Somehow, I doubt that.

SD: Tell that to Kingston, Kris.

KK: Yeah, I'd rather NOT talk to him.

JH: Making his way to the ring, being accompanied to the ring by “Primo” Robby Mireno, Jack Evans, Allison Danger, and Sabian, from Yonkers, New York, weighing in tonight at two hundred and forty eight pounds, he is “The King of Diamonds” Eddie KINGSTON!

Kingston makes his way to ringside, grabbing a chair and throwing it into the ring over the top rope. Kingston makes his way into the ring and stretches out momentarily on the ropes as BLK Out swarms ringside. Mireno hops into the ring with a microphone in hand, Sabian, Evans, and Danger entering shortly behind him.

SD: We have to listen to this fag again?

KK: I don't think they want us to say 'fags', Shane.

SD: I'll say whatever the fuck I want, thank you.

KK: Why try? Why do I even try?

RM: Yo, yo, yo, San Fran what’s the deal?? This introduction from John Mobile Home was pathetic. Let me dig into the closet and pull out my old ring announcer gear and do this shiznit right!

Mireno reaches into his pocket and removes a pair of glasses. He puts them on his head and speaks into the microphone, essentially not changing anything.

RM: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall, falls count anywhere, no DQ, watch a ***** get slaughtered Heavyweight title tournament match! Already in the ring, she is the official valet of BLK Out, from every man and woman’s fantasies, The Lizzy Borden of Marijuna Hoardin’, she is Allison DANGER! The official corner man, from Parkland, Washington, he is the reigning WCWA Junior Heavyweight champion, The Prince of Parkland and Flyin Brian Pillman HIMSELF, this is Jack EVANS!

KK: The Lizzy Borden of Marjiuana Hoardin'?

SD: Of course she did. You honestly think most of XPW didn't wrestle in an altered state? Shit, we were higher then Jannetty and Jake Roberts combined.

KK: Matches might have been better if we weren't.

SD: Yeah, but who wants that? Boring! It’s just too bad we couldn’t collect enough to get Van Dam to jump ship and don’t think we didn’t try..

RM: From Brown Street, at the corner of High Avenue, weighing in at a felony’s worth, he is the official manager of BLK Out..

Sabian takes a drink of water for a small pose.

RM: He is the Lexington Steele of Professional Wrestling, The Floyd Mayweather of Fucking White Bitches because they pay better and the The Great Muta of Smoking Budha..

Sabian spits water in the air and goes to one knee for a pose.

KK: Nothing to say about Sabian?

SD: Why waste my time? Combat Zone asshole.

RM: This is the Black Jesus, SABIAN! I am your official BLK Out ring announcer, from Syracuse, Italy, the Pat Sajak of the Fat Paysack, and the modern day Tony Montana, I am “Primo” Robby Mireno..

The crowd gives a slight clap as Mireno continues.

SD: I know he didn't just call himself 'Scarface'.

KK: I believe he did.

SD: That motherfucker couldn't lick Tony's boots!

RM: And now, the feature attraction.. He weighs in tonight at a slim, trim, mean, lean, two hundred and forty seven and three quarter pounds, from the Home of the Brave, Yonkers, New York.. He is The King of Diamonds, the Last of a Dying Breed, and YOUR future WCWA World Heavyweight champion.. This is Eddie Kingston.. And together, we are the BLK OUT!

SD: King's obviously the toughest of this group.

KK: Yeah, but he has to deal with one of XPW's own tonight.

SD: Really? We pulled Johnny Webb for this match?

KK: Knock it off.

SD: Johnny paid me to drop his name. What can I do? Say no?

The crowd cheers, partly for the ring introduction and partly that the ring introduction is over. The lights come to a quick dim. “Huka Huka Blues” by Harry Slash & The Slashtones begins to play over the PA system and the crowd responds with a rounding chorus of boos. Reluctantly, Mireno hands the microphone back to John House.

JH: And his opponent, soon to be making his way to the ring, being accompanied to the ring by “The Manager of Champions” Bill Alfonzo, “The Mind behind the Madness” Dave Prazak, and “Your Hero” Chris Hero, from Bombay, Michigan, weighing in tonight at two hundred and thirty pounds.. He is Homicidal, Suicidal, Genocidal, SABU!!!

The lights come back on and Sabu and Bill Alfonzo are already in the ring, Sabu with a chair in hand. Sabu launches the chair at Kingston’s head, which bounces off and hits the ropes. Kingston bails out of the ring as Bill Alfonzo blows his whistle wildly.

KK: So, BLK Out has the numbers advantage here.

SD: By one person. And it's a women to boot.

KK: I'd bet Allison is tougher then Prazak and Fonzie together.

SD: Probably. But still.

Kingston on the outside for a quick conference with Mireno, Evans, and Danger. Sabu sets up the chair that Kingston brought in and takes off into the ropes far. He comes back and goes for a dive, but BLK Out scurry out of the way and Sabu hits nothing but the arena floor with his suicidal dive.

KK: And there's the "Squish of the Night" brought to you by Orkin. When you need bugs exterminated, call the Orkin man.

SD: Man, have we sold out.

KK: Shut-up and eat your sub, Shane.

Evans pulls Sabu up to a vertical base and gets him in a full nelson. Kingston begins to unload with palm strikes on the tied up Sabu. Dave Prazak tries to make the save, but is sacked by Allison Danger, who unloads with rights and lefts on Prazak, mounted style.

SD: I thought she didn't let dudes touch her. Now, in one night, she's gotten fondled by a ref, and she's mounted Dave Prazak.

KK: Really? Was that necessary?

SD: Actually, I hear from sources, that's the first time Prazak has ever had a chick on him.

Sabu finally frees himself from Evans, quick trip on Kingston. Sabian comes running in for a double ax handle but is tripped by Sabu. Sabu is distracted, Mireno hands Kingston a chair. Sabu turns around and Kingston DRILLS Sabu in the head with the chair, bending the seat of the chair around Sabu’s head.

KK: Damn!

SD: Damn? Damn nothing. Holy fuck! I don't think Eddie could have hit him harder if he tried! He bent the damn chair!

Kingston with a cover on the outside. Senior Referee Jason Verdoes out of position on the inside of the ring, slides to the outside and starts the count but Sabu kicks out at the count of one. Kingston off the cover and steps away for a moment to gather his thoughts, Evans right on top of him with stomps and kicks.

KK: What happened to King and Sabu only attack from the front?

SD: That look like King stomping Sabu to you?

KK: Well, no. It's Jack Evans.

SD: Exactly. I made no such promises about him!

Mireno pulls a table from underneath the ring and starts setting it up. Sabu gets to his feet and catches Evans with a double palm strike, sending the Prince of Parkland down to the ground. Sabu comes after Kingston, but Kingston catches him with an elbow to the mid section. Sabu doubles over, lingering just above the table.

KK: You die now!

SD: That is so not funny anymore.

KK: Oh?

SD: Don't oh me. It isn't.

Kingston up to the ring apron, Sabu clips his ankle and he falls to the apron. Sabu up, he pushes Kingston over so Kingston is now laying on the table. Sabu to the top rope. He points to the sky and prepares to jump, but Allison Danger drapes herself across Kingston on the table.

SD: She does realize he has nothing against hurting women, right?

KK: Well, if she doesn't, she's about too!

Sabu looks down at Danger momentarily, but then jumps anyways, driving both Danger and Kingston through the table with a leg drop.

SD: I rest my case.

KK: And meanwhile, Allison has just gotten wood!

SD: Oh, so many lines there. I'll be nice this time and let that side.

Sabu back to his feet. Jack Evans comes running in, but gets thrown right over the guardrail with a high back body drop. Sabu goes back after Kingston. Kingston comes up and nails Sabu with a blatant low blow, not even bothering to remove his hand from between Sabu’s legs as Sabu crumbles to the arena floor in a crumbled mess.

SD: And Kingston hits Sabu right in the Curry Men.

KK: Meanwhile, Dixie Carter prepares a lawsuit.

SD: Hey, I can say Curry Men all I want. They don't own that. And I wouldn't give a fuck if they did, anyway.

KK: Always making friends, Shane.

SD: Of course.

Kingston grabs Sabu by the head and rolls him into the ring. Kingston into the ring himself and he goes for a cover. 1.… kick out from Sabu.

KK: Very quick kickout from Sabu.

SD: I think that was more to wear Sabu down.

KK: Don't think that worked, Shane.

SD: Me either.

Kingston up and a bit frustrated. He smacks his leg, calling for the Yakuza kick. Sabu slowly to his feet, Kingston into the far ropes. Sabu all the way to his feet and Kingston comes back. He goes for the Yakuza Kick high, but Sabu ducks under it low and grabs a chair. Sabu scrambling back up, Kingston turns around and he catches a face full of steel chair.

SD: That's where Sabu's dangerous. He can nail you from anywhere in the ring!

KK: Usually with a chair.

SD: Well, it doesn't hurt his chances. I'll say that!

Sabu with a cover on Kingston, 1.…2.. Kick out from Kingston. Bill Alfonzo up onto the ring apron to protest, blowing his whistle. Robby Mireno up onto the opposite ring apron and he has an air horn in hand. Alfonzo is whistling, Mireno is air horning, Prazak hops to the ring apron and he an air horn of his own, but it’s a much higher pitched horn.

SD: I call Shenanigans!

KK: Maybe someone will comp it.

SD: I doubt people make comps anymore, Kris. It's what sites like Youtube are for. Fucking YouTube.

All three are making their annoying sounds, Danger hops to the apron and begins to scream at the top of her lungs in protest of Prazak and Alfonzo on the apron. Senior Referee Jason Verdoes looks around at all four managers and their noise devices, then proceeds to just cover his ears and get towards the ground.

SD: Ah yes. When all else fails, duck and cover.

KK: What?

SD: When all else...well, no fucking wonder. Remove the earplugs!

Kingston and Sabu both to their feet. Sabu goes after Mireno on the apron, Kingston from behind Sabu and he blasts him in the back of the head with a chair shot. All four managers stop with their sound effects as Sabu crumbles over the top rope. Kingston grabs Sabu by the waist and lifts him up, NAILING a back drop driver. Kingston up and he pulls his singlet straps down.

SD: Oh shit! Anklelock time!

KK: Wrong fed, Shane.

SD: Oh.

Kingston smacking his leg again. Sabu slowly to his feet. Kingston comes running in and nails Sabu with a Yakuza kick, Sabu’s neck violently snapping backwards upon impact. Kingston with a cover, 1.…2.… kick out from Sabu!

SD: Another kickout from Sabu!

KK: And meanwhile Kingston has to be thinking "what must I do?"

SD: A gun, maybe?

KK: Yeah, maybe.

Kingston can’t believe it, he’s up and arguing with referee Jason Verdoes. Kingston backs up to the ropes again, preparing for another Yakuza kick. Sabu slow to his feet. Kingston starts off for a run, but Chris Hero hooks the foot. Kingston stumbles but doesn’t fall. He turns around, turning his attention to Hero on the floor. Sabu grabs the chair he previously used to springboard from and blasts Kingston in the head, hitting him with the seat of the chair that’s still unfolded.

KK: And now, Sabu's buddy Chris Hero comes into play.

SD: Well, Hero and Kingston have a lot of heat. Granted, Hero trained Kingston, but King came in with one of his old running buddies in Blackjack Maricano. However, Hero was such an ass to Marciano that he quit the business, and King and Hero have hated each other every since.

KK: It's spilled over in several promotions too.

SD: And we might be the next.

Sabu tries to fold the chair up but it’s broken. Sabu lays the chair down as is on Kingston and heads to the corner. Sabu up to the top rope, Kingston up. Kingston goes to the corner and grabs Sabu. Sabu tries to fight it off. Kingston and Sabu exchanging blows on top.

KK: I'm willing to bet this ends badly for someone.

SD: Safe bet there, Nostradumbass.

KK: Oh, har har, Shane

Kingston with a ball tap and Sabu doubles over. Kingston grabs Sabu under the arm pit and THROWS him, throwing him with a hip toss. Sabu lands hard on the canvas, landing down onto the chair, nearly getting impaled by the legs of the chair that are sticking up.

KK: We need John House up here.

SD: Why?

KK: Because someone should call for 911.

SD: You're a retard, Kris.

Kingston slow down off the top rope. Hero up to the ring apron. Kingston yells at Hero, Hero comes running at him with a forearm attempt but Kingston avoids it and Hero hits nothing but ring post. Kingston with a wild forearm on Hero.

SD: Who is King fighting?

KK: Um, that would be Sabu.

SD: Then why is he wasting time with Hero?

KK: It's personal between them.

SD: But why risk you're chance at the Heavyweight title.

KK: Again, it's personal. Not about belts to them.

Sabu from behind with a rear waist lock. Kingston elbows out of it and Sabu stumbles to the center of the ring. Kingston spins around, going for a roaring elbow, but Sabu ducks it. Sabu with a drop toe hold on Kingston. Attempted flipping leg drop from Sabu, but Kingston rolls out of the way. Kingston up to his feet and he nails Sabu with a spinal tap.

SD: Some people call that a Dragon Kick.. Some people call it a spinal tap.. You know what I call it?

KK: What?

SD: Un fucking necessary!

KK: That’s not nice..

SD: Yeah, because nice is what I’m known for..

Kingston grabs Sabu by the neck and begins to twist with a Cravate. Sabu tries to work his way out of it, working his way to a vertical base. Hero up to the ring apron and Kingston spits on him. Hero into the ring but referee Jason Verdoes goes to him to get him right back out of the ring. BLK Out swarm in, Evans, Sabian, and Danger all punching and kicking Sabu wildly. Mireno watches for the referee and when he turns around, all four scramble out of the ring.

SD: This isn't a match. It's fucking Gang Warfare.

KK: You expected different?

SD: Well, I figured Sabu and King would ask them to stay out of the match.

KK: You didn't expect that to happen, did you? And I'm the retard?

Kingston with a Cravate suplex on Sabu into a cover, 1.…2... Kick out at two from Sabu and BLK Out cannot believe it!

SD: And that was a slap in the face to Hero!

KK: Is it possible Hero taught Sabu how to land without all that much impact?

SD: I suppose it is. But Sabu doesn't talk, so who knows if he asked.

Kingston into the corner. He’s stomping his foot. Sabu up slowly. Kingston comes running in and goes for the Yakuza kick, but Sabu ducks. Kingston continues running, hitting the far ropes and coming back. Sabu turns around and catches a Yakuza kick from Kingston on the second attempt.

KK: Rebound Yakuza Kick by Kingston.

SD: It's a jawbreaker.

KK: And I think Sabu may be out.

SD: A normal man would've been done after the first one!

Kingston with a cover, 1.…2.…3!

KK: And he does it!

The bell sounds and John House announces it over the P/A system as “Diamonds from Serra Leone” by Kayne West feat. Jay Z begins to play.

JH: The winner of this match and advancing to the WCWA World Heavyweight championship match at HURT, “The Last of a Dying Breed” Eddie KINGSTON!

BLK Out swarm the ring as Kingston gets to his feet. Hero, Prazak, and Alfonzo enter as well. Kingston makes a motion towards his waist and Hero is right in his face. Hero and Kingston are nose to nose as we fade out.

KK: Folks, that’s all the time we have for this episode of Synthetic, for “The Franchise” Shane Douglas, I am Kris Kloss, see you next week.

Fade to black

© WCWA 2006/2008 Extreme Entertainment Inc & Half Life Media Productions. No reproduction is permitted without express written consent from either or both of the producers

 

[MonsterK]

I just skimmed through this and it's looking fairly good! I'm glad you got rid of the Kurt Angles and Chris Jerichos. Having superstars of that caliber in a relatively small indy alongside some garbage wrestlers is the type of unrealism that I don't like. But now the roster looks good. There's plenty of people I'm not familiar with but I'm really enjoying the ones that I do know. This fed seems to focus on hardcore and death matches, am I right? I don't particularly like that type of wrestling so let's see how this goes.

I'll drop you some feedback on the last episode and read the rest later.

- I like the commentary. Shane Douglas seems to play the typical heel announcer who just bashes everything, but it's funny.
- Oh. My. God. Chuck Taylor is doing the scaring kids gimmick? That is amazing.
- Over-the-top-rope Battle Royal is a match you don't often see in an indy show. So many people I don't know in this match. I wish I knew though. Your nicknames makes these guys sound really interesting. LuFisto in there with the men is a big plus. And Marty Jannetty! Such a perfect ex-WWF/WCW guy for a fed like this. I love it. But nooo! He gets eliminated first. Boo. Oh, the Conquistador is Mickie Knuckles. I was wondering who it was... Scotty Vortekz wins. I've heard that name before...
- GERTNER!! Awesome. You've really captured his character here. I like the self introduction gimmick. Great interview by BLK Out, too.
- Jimmy Jacobs as a cowardly heel works fine. Not much to say about Brain Damage as I've maybe seen one match from him.
- Nice little Delirious promo there. Cool match between the two. I legit laughed at some of Douglas' comments.
- I've also seen one Nakazawa match before. I like the baby oil gimmick though. Apparently he's staying, or was this just an one-off appearance?
- Fun match with Taylor and Acid. Cornette and the Backseat Boyz is an interesting combo. I love Sexy Chucky T.
- King vs Sabu is a great main event. A lot of people in the ring side for this one. And Eddie wins. Good. I don't know if you're building towards Hero vs Kingston but that would be good.

I pretty much loved everything about this. I get a great, chaotic feel from this promotion. Almost like ECW. Not too much hardcore either, I liked that too. However, I think you should work on the format a bit. Right now it just looks kind of boring and hard to read. Try adding colors and bold and maybe separate the matches from the rest of the text somehow. The show was also somewhat long for my liking, but that's just me. Great job, overall!

 

[realslimshady4545]

deathmatch stuff has always been sort of a niche. Like WWF treated it's hardcore division. Mostly self contained. There's a King of the Deathmatches once a "year" (or whenever I feel the need to do one) that is either the focus of it's own card, or spread out throughout a long show. The launch point I chose just happened to come almost immediately after KOTDM 2.

The reason the shows aren't UBBC coded are because when they were originally posted, they were posted on a Freewebs page. Freewebs doesn't follow UBBC coding, and is actually a huge pain in the ass to code with. And "where I come from", coding has always been looked at as an aesthetic, rather than a mandated piece, so within the shows, I never bothered with it. My previews, however, which were originally posted on a Proboard, are very code happy. Just not the early ones, haha. These shows were written some four years ago (and this series originated in 2004 real time), so I've made a lot of progress and evolution. I just didn't feel that modern day WCWA was a proper launch point for ANYONE, because there's a LOT of character mythology, and things happening solely because of how the characters have been built within the WCWA universe. The reboot was more or less the start of this mythology, outside of Beef Wellington and Marty Jannetty, so I'll take a moment to explain them.

Beef is just the ultimate clown. Screws around at every opportunity and takes absolutely nothing seriously. The clown prince of WCWA was introduced as a super fan of Kurt Angle's, and made his way onto the roster leeching off of Kurt. Beef won a Royal Rumble style battle royal at A Fall from Grace to earn a future shot at the World Heavyweight championship, when there is a champion again.

Marty Jannetty is the Kamen to Beef's Ebessan. The ultimate loser. Jannetty was on the very first show WCWA promoted. He and Jack Evans were the only two to be on that show (a single match that was a part of another board's supershow, a ladder battle royal to crown the first WCWA Heavyweight champion, and to launch WCWA). Jannetty in that match got his nose broken. He became Joey Mercury 3 years before Joey did it. And for every match since then, Jannetty has been the whipping boy of everyone he's encountered, from referees, to women, to announcers. In an almost Mikey Whipwreck sort of way, Jannetty became a cult hero to WCWA readers through his constant failures.


I'm also using posting these old shows as a crutch to avoid getting to where I am now, where shows are only coming at a rate of one show every 6 months or so. Real life, work, and other projects have unfortunately taken a lot of the time I had for WCWA away from me. To be 16 again. So for now, I'm posting WCWA somewhat frequently, and as long as you don't go googling and spoil yourself, it's all new to you guys. And now.. with this being my tenth post.. I can finally use all the pretty graphics and links I have on this board

 

[realslimshady4545]

In the final Synthetic before the next WCWA Pay Per View, HURT, all of the WCWA Superstars look to prove themselves and solidify a spot on the Pay Per View. Plenty of title implications are to be determined on this edition of Synthetic, the most explosive Synthetic yet!

No Disqualifications match
Arsenal
versus
“Psycho Shooter“ Drake Younger
Following a shameful defeat in the Junior Heavyweight battle royal and backstage humiliation at the hands of Jim Cornette on the last episode of Synthetic, Arsenal looks to prove that he is not too small and that size does not matter. To do so, he’s looking to knock off the number one contender and the man who will be competing for the WCWA Death Match championship at HURT, Drake Younger. Drake, on the other hand, is trying to destroy Hardcore wrestling from the inside out. In a match with no disqualifications, weapons will surely become involved. Who will it benefit more? The hungry Arsenal that’s willing to bust some stuff up.. Or the bitter Younger, who wants to bust up hardcore wrestling as a whole? Find out only on Synthetic.

One on One match
“The Hardcore Terminator” Brain Damage
versus
Hardcore Evil Ninja #2
The Hardcore Evil Ninja #2 has proven that he is, in fact, the more evil of the two Hardcore Evil Ninjas. After a brief hiatus from WCWA, Hardcore Evil Ninja #2 looks to return to WCWA rings and regain his reign of evil. To do so, he has to go through one of the most dominating forces in WCWA rings today, Brain Damage. Brain Damage has become famous within WCWA for his incredible WARS with Samoa Joe and The Necro Butcher, both which left everyone watching them in shock and awe at the sheer brutality. At the same show that Brain Damage debuted, it was Hardcore Evil Ninja #2’s final match before his leave of absence, the second King of the Death Match tournament. These two forces cross paths for the first time on the next Synthetic. Who will prove to be more evil?

Tag Team match
Chris Hero & Chuck Taylor
versus
Jack Evans & Delirious
A match with plenty of championship repercussions.. Chris Hero, who will be competing for the WCWA World Heavyweight title at HURT, teaming with Chuck Taylor, who will be competing for the WCWA International title at the same PPV facing off against Delirious, the man that Taylor will be facing at HURT to determine the new International champion, and the reigning WCWA World Junior Heavyweight champion Jack Evans. Will Chris Hero attempt to send a message to one of his opponents at HURT, Eddie Kingston, through Evans, a cohort in BLK Out with Kingston? Who will come out on top in the initial clash between International title contenders? What kind of gibberish will Jack Evans and Delirious come up with between them? Find out only on Synthetic!

Inter Gender Tag Team Match
Mickie Knuckles & SeXXXy Eddy
versus
LuFisto & Jimmy Jacobs
It will be Mickie Knuckles’ official in ring debut for WCWA and she faces off with the woman who she has come to WCWA to destroy, LuFisto. Teaming with Knuckles will be a constant enemy of LuFisto, the man with five pounds of cock meat, SeXXXy Eddy. LuFisto isn’t on her own in this battle against two of her enemies, however, as she has Jimmy Jacobs on her side. This match is inter gender rules, meaning the men can face the woman. Standard tag team match with two genders. In the prelude to what will happen at HURT, will Mickie Knuckles be able to take out all her frustrations LuFisto before the PPV?

WCWA World Tag Team Titles #1 Contenders Match
Winners receive WCWA World Tag Team Titles shot at HURT
The Northstar Express (Darin Corbin & Ryan Cruz)
versus
BLK Out (Sabian & Ruckus)
A match with Tag Team championship implications, The Northstar Express take on The BLK Out. The winners of this match will receive a World Tag Team titles shot at HURT against the Backseat Boys. The Northstar Express has been using the help of “Absolutely Tan” Joey Eastman as of late to gain an advantage in their matches, but Eastman will be negated here with BLK Out’s strength in numbers, as well as the fact that BLK Out will likely be represented by Robby Mireno and Allison Danger at ringside, as well as possibly other BLK Out members. Which team will advance to the World Tag Team titles shot at HURT?

WCWA Death Match Title Match
Death From Above match
JC Bailey ©
versus
Scotty Vortekz
When it was announced that the winner of the battle royal on the last episode of Synthetic would receive a guaranteed spot in Ménage Et Trois, as well as a “title shot”, it was assumed that the title shot would be for the WCWA World Junior Heavyweight title. But thanks to word manipulation, Scotty Vortekz has inserted himself into a WCWA Death Match title match and a shot at JC Bailey. The match type will be a first time ever in WCWA, a Death From Above match. All four corners will have an elevated wooden pit strapped in it. The pit will have a trapped door held up by an eight foot long light tube, as well as vertical light tubes holding across the top and middle ropes. When the light tubes break, the trap doors will open releasing something from above onto the competitor below. JC Bailey looks to retain his title in this match to go on to battle Drake Younger at HURT, but should Scotty Vortekz win, it will be him advancing, not Drake. Vortekz is no stranger to Drake, the two training together at the RAAGE Dojo under American Kickboxer. Vortekz certainly cannot approve of Drake’s newfound attitude and likely would be out to silence him in the same way as Bailey.

WCWA World Heavyweight title tournament match
The Messiah
versus
A Mystery Opponent
Originally announced as Rob Van Dam, due to a flaw in the contract negotiation that negates Van Dam from competing in WCWA, The Messiah must now face a mystery opponent. The winner of this match will advance to the WCWA World Heavyweight title match at HURT to battle Chris Hero and Eddie Kingston. The Messiah is looking to break out from the “hardcore mold” and prove himself as a solid competitor within WCWA, and possibly capture the vacated World Heavyweight title. The Messiah obviously comes into this match at a disadvantage, not knowing who his opponent is before hand. Will Messiah be able to overcome the odds, or will this Mystery Opponent be able to make a clean sweep and enter the WCWA World Heavyweight title match at HURT?

 

[realslimshady4545]

WARNING: The following show contains coarse language, graphic violence, and themes of a sexual nature. Viewer discretion IS advised.

The show opens with a mini-vignette showing highlights from last week’s episode, with Chuck Taylor and Delirious going to the finals of the WCWA International title tournament respectively. Brief highlights from both matches are shown, with Chuck Taylor defeating Trent Acid and Delirious beating Nate Webb. From here, we cut to a couple of clips from the Beef Wellington versus Michael Nakazawa showdown slip down on the century. The montage ends with the deadly Yakuza kick that Eddie Kingston gave Sabu to advance in the World Heavyweight title tournament.

From the previous week’s highlights, we cut to a preview for this week’s show. Motion graphics advertising Arsenal versus Drake Younger in a No Disqualifications match, Mickie Knuckles & SeXXXy Eddy versus LuFisto & Jimmy Jacobs in an intergender tag team match, JC Bailey versus Scotty Vortekz in WCWA’s first ever Death from Above match for the WCWA Death Match title. The final still is of Messiah, with text below advertising the dark he is going into, facing a mystery opponent in the final qualifying match to HURT’s World Heavyweight title match.

Cut LIVE! to the Arrowhead Pond in Anaheim, California as an impressive pyrotechnics display explodes over the staging set up, shooting explosives up the green on black mechanic wall. Soon, a display above the ring has ignited as well, leaving the entire arena in a cloud of smoke.

KK: WELCOME TO WCWA SYNTHETIC ON HBO!!

“Synthetic” by Spineshank begins to blare over the loud speakers as the final pyros explode. A quick pan over the sold out and hyped audience shows the crowd absolutely electric.

KK: I am the new voice of World Championship Wrestling Alliance, Kris Kloss, alongside the man of a thousand bleeps.. “The Franchise” Shane Douglas.

SD: Final stop before HURT and there’s gonna be some sick, twisted shit happening tonight!

Cut to the announce table as the final pyros explode in the ring. Kris Kloss and Shane Douglas are shown at the announce table, Kloss in a nice suit and Douglas in a WCWA polo with a backwards Hardcore Homecoming baseball cap. Kloss seems prepared, lots of notes in front of him. Shane Douglas has a Marty Jannetty action figure in front of him with a missing arm.

KK: “Official” in ring debut of Mickie Knuckles tonight, as she teams with SeXXXy Eddy to face off with LuFisto & Jimmy Jacobs in inter gender tag team action!

SD: Seeing as it’s inter gender, why are both people on LuFisto’s team women?

KK: Already?

SD: Hey, I’m in Pay Per View form tonight, Kloss!

KK: WCWA Death Match title on the line for the first time since the near murder of LuFisto, as JC Bailey defends the title against Scotty Vortekz in what’s being billed as a “Death from Above” match

SD: Consider this.. JC Bailey tried to drop LuFisto five stories to her death in his last Death Match title defense, in an outright BRAWL that lasted the entire show.. Scotty Vortekz REQUESTED a death match title match.. There’s going to be some sick, retarded, smashy shit happening tonight..

KK: Tag Team titles number one contenders to be determined tonight as The North Star Express of Darin Corbin and Ryan Cruz do battle with the BLK Out of Sabian & Ruckus.

SD: Usually, the ball falls into the court of the Northstars, because they have Joey Eastman at ringside. Lord only knows how many people BLK Out will bring with them.. Mireno, Danger, Joker, Evans, Marty Jannetty..

KK: Wait, Jannetty?

SD: I thought BLK Out was all about the drug references.. Jannetty’s a natural fit!

KK: And why do you have a Jannetty action figure?

SD: That’s not an action figure, Kloss. It’s the new Tokers and Smokers custom bong. Available at Drugs R Us or Ruckus’ Momma’s House!

KK: Moving along.. The final match of the WCWA World Heavyweight title contention tournament will happen tonight.. The Messiah versus.. Well, I don’t know..

SD: Nobody knows, Kloss. It was supposed to be Rob Van Dam, but Mister Big Shot decided to back out on us, so lord only knows who’s gonna come through that curtain tonight when main event time comes along..

KK: All this, plus so much more, let’s send it down to John House for the opening introductions!

Cut to the ring, where John House stands with a microphone in hand.

JH: Our opening contest this week on Synthetic is scheduled for one fall, with a fifteen minute time limit..

“L’Age de la Biere” by Mon’onc Serge begins to play over the P/A system and Hardcore Evil Ninja #2 makes his way out onto the stage brandishing a sword.

JH: Making his way to the ring, from Fabertown, Japan, weighing in tonight at one hundred and seventy six pounds of PURE EVIL!! He is the Hardcore Evil Ninja Number TWO!!!

Ninja #2 makes his way to the ring, swinging his sword in typical Samurai fashion. He enters the ring under the bottom rope and goes to the corner, posing with the sword raised high above his head. The lights dim. "Bleed For Me" by Black Label Society and Brain Damage makes his way through the curtain.. Followed by Joey Eastman?

JH: And his opponent, being accompanied to the ring tonight by “Absolutely Tan” Joey Eastman, from Last Chance, Texas. Weighing in tonight at two hundred and fifty pounds.. He is the “Hardcore Terminator” this is BRAIN DAMAGE!

Damage makes his way to the ring and immediately goes after Hardcore Evil Ninja #2, but is stopped by Joey Eastman. Eastman requests a microphone.

JE: CAMERA MAN!!! ZOOOOOOOOM!

The camera man does as instructed and zooms in on Joey Eastman’s face.

KK: Lord help us all..

JE: What you see here is the evolution of professional wrestling.. And the evolution of Joey Eastman Worldwide.

SD: J.E.W.?

KK: You’re not supposed to point that out!!

JE: Joey Eastman Worldwide already has the tag team division under a testicular vice hold with the Northstar Express.. And now.. I, “Absolutely Tan” Joey Eastman, have acquired the services of the death machine.. The Hardcore Terminator.. The indestructible.. Brain Damage! Together.. Joey Eastman Worldwide will rule the world! Brain Damage, attack!

Almost on cue, Brain Damage does a Pearl Harbor job on Hardcore Evil Ninja #2, attacking him with clubbing rights and lefts. Ninja unfortunately fumbles his sword and it falls to the outside. The bell sounds and the match is underway as Brain Damage bashes Ninja to the mat.

SD: Don't JEWs already rule the world?

KK: The views of Shane Douglas do not represent those of WCWA, Half-Life Media, HBO or Extreme Entertainment.

Ninja tries to fight his way back to a vertical base, but just catches a knee to the chin for his trouble. Damage grabs him by the head and arm and launches him through the air. Ninja lands awkwardly on his head and shoulders on the mat, but hops right up. He turns around and catches a DEADLY right from Brain Damage right between the eyes.

SD: Jesus christ. That was a Tyson-like right!

KK: Mike Tyson?

SD: No, Tyson chicken, you dumbass.

Ninja is down and possibly dead. Damage is just waiting for him to get up, but the Ninja isn’t moving. Damage pulls him to a vertical base. Damage lifts Ninja into a press slam position and walks him to the corner. He drops Ninja stomach first across the steel buckle that holds the turnbuckle to the corner ring post.

SD: I'll have the crushed ribs, to go.

KK: Very funny, Shane.

Damage grabs Ninja by the leg and simply jerks backwards. Ninja comes twisting off the top rope and plants face first into the canvas with a horrifying splat.

KK: And already, there’s the Trojan condoms Splat of the Night..

A split screen appears, the smaller of the two screens showing the live action, the larger screen with a Trojan logo showing Ninja falling on his face again.

SD: For unbeatable protection against disgusting ECW ring rats, there’s Trojans!

KK: WCWA, selling out arenas and selling out to corporate sponsors!

SD: Your ad here!!!

Back to full frame action and the Ninja is still out on the mat. Brain Damage lifts him up and places him in the ropes, his arms draped backwards over the top rope. Damage begins to unload with rights and lefts to the face, Ninja just rocking back and forth and absorbing the shots. Referee Bryce Remsburg is in to warn Damage to get out of the ropes. Damage ignores him and continues assaulting Ninja. Remsburg starts a count, 1.…2.…3.….4.… Damage hits one final punch that drops Ninja.

KK: Have we ever had a ref stop in WCWA?

SD: Not that I recall.

KK: Well, perhaps we should. Soon.

Ninja is slow to his feet, Damage after him. Ninja with a spinning back fist that staggers Damage. Running forearm from the Hardcore Evil Ninja #2 and Damage is rocking towards the ropes. Ninja comes running in once more, but Damage catches him by the waist, lifting him up and dropping him across the top rope with a stun gun. Ninja down on the mat, Damage drops a jumping knee right to the neck.

KK: Ninja showed signs of life.

SD: So, Damage killed him again. I'm starting to like this guy!

KK: That's nice.

SD: Seriously...makes you wonder.

Ninja slow to his feet again. Damage in for a few short blows to the kidneys and ribs. Ninja with a sickening head butt that THUDS through the arena, sending the echo of skull on skull contact echoing through the first five rows of seats. The crowd lets out a collective “OOOHH!!!” as both men are staggered. Damage’s forehead is now oozing a thin layer of crimson. Ninja comes in, grabbing Damage by the ears. He’s looking for another head butt, but Damage fights him off, shoving him down to the mat.

SD: Hey, it's blood!

KK: Of course it's blood.

SD: You just figure for a guy like Damage, it's going to be motor oil or antifreeze.

Ninja back up. He’s laying the punches to Brain Damage. Brain Damage backs up a bit. Ninja into the ropes. He goes for a hurricanrana, but Damage catches him. Ninja’s stuck in the power bomb position and in a bad way. Ninja tries his very best to get out of it. He’s able to flip himself upside down, but Damage still has a hold of him. Damage switches his arm position and drops him, driving Ninja’s head into the canvas with a package piledriver. Damage with a cover, 1.…2... Kick out at two from the Hardcore Evil Ninja and Joey Eastman can’t believe it at ringside.

SD: Now I know no-one has kicked out of the package piledriver before.

KK: Hardcore Ninja making a name for himself here.

SD: I'd say. And Eastman is irate.

Damage up to his feet, laying the boots to Ninja. Ninja seems to be hurt, but at least to his senses. Damage starts to pull Ninja up again, but Ninja fights him off with a series of body shots. Ninja up to his feet and into the far ropes. He comes running back in and Brain Damage catches him flush between the eyes with a punch and Ninja is DOWN!

SD: Toe tag!

KK: He's dead!

SD: Again!

Damage grabs Ninja by the head and pulls him to his feet. Damage stuffs the head of Ninja between his own legs and lifts the arms. He drops Ninja right on his dome with a package piledriver. Ninja is on dream street and Damage goes for a cover. Referee Remsburg slides into position, 1.…2.…3!

SD: And we're done here.

KK: Brain Damage picks up the win. But Evil Ninja got in his licks. It does make you believe that perhaps Joker has a chance against the "Hardcore Terminator" this Sunday on PPV.

SD: I'm still taking Damage there, but Ninja was impressive.

Damage is up but he’s not done. The bell sounds. Damage grabs Ninja up and gets him into a press slam position. Bryce Remsburg protests, but Damage is hearing none of it, launching Ninja up and over the top rope. Ninja clears the padding on the arena floor and lands on the steel ramp, his face bouncing off the metal like a basketball. Joey Eastman enters the ring with a microphone once more.

JE: Damage, stop! No more!! What you just seen there was the absolute destruction! Internet wrestling community.. You wanted someone evil? You wanted someone deadly? You’ve got him! You’ve got the sickest, most uncaring, absolutely demarcated son of bitch to ever set his foot into a wrestling ring!

KK: I don’t think Eastman knows what the word “demarcated” means..

SD: I don’t think anyone watching this show does either, so it doesn’t really matter..

JE: Listen to me.. Listen to me closely.. Joker.. I realize you’re a military man.. And I hope you have the military insurance.. Because at HURT.. You’re going to war.. And in the end.. Uncle Sam may lose another boy.. This man.. This is my weapon of mass destruction.. This is Brain Damage!!!

"Bleed For Me" by Black Label Society begins to play over the P/A system once more. Eastman instructs Brain Damage out of the ring. With a little bit of coaxing, Damage does as told and exits the ring. Eastman starts up the ramp, Damage trailing shortly behind. Damage pauses at the corpse of the Hardcore Evil Ninja #2, only to kick him once more in his bloodied mask. Eastman and Damage make their way up the ramp. Eastman raises Damage’s hand at the top of the ramp.

We cut backstage to Joel Gertner, standing by with Arsenal. Gertner stands in a robe and slacks, the chest of the robe open to expose his ample chest hair. Arsenal stands next to him, a determined look on his face, a WCWA HURT t-shirt over his wrestling gear.

JG: Well, well, well, if it isn’t I, the Quintessential Stud Muffin.. Joel “Something catchy, something catchy, something catchy that rhymes with the first catchy thing and has hidden sexual innuendo” Gertner! And I am here with..

Arsenal: You’re here with the man who’s too small to ever do anything in this business. You’re here with a fucking joke, someone who should be ranked right up there with Marty Jannetty in the levels of WCWA inside jokes. Am I just here so that the fucking mark ass tools on the CZWFans board can get their ha-ha’s? Explain something to me, Joel.. The Scotty Vortekz versus JC Bailey death match later tonight has the stipulation of “If Vortekz wins, he advances to the HURT Death Match title match”. I’m facing the other participant in that match.. Why the fuck doesn’t my match have the same stipulation?

JG: Well I..

Arsenal: You have no fucking answer, just like everyone else in this shithole company. When all the referees get knocked down, you send out a wrestler to get maimed, and tell him that if he fights back and makes your Samoan Submission Machine look bad, he’s fired. You prefer comedy antics over actual professional wrestling. I can speak fucking English, but I chose not to in this scenario..

JG: What the HELL is your problem??

Arsenal: Depuis deux ans j'ai été dans cette société et depuis deux ans, je n'ai rien été plus qu'une plaisanterie. J'ai saigné, la sueur, et pleuré pour cette société et cette fin en haut avec petit plus qu'une commotion et un cinquante jour de paie de dollar. J'ai été claqué dans plus de temps de verre que j'aimerais compter mais n'obtiens pas les coups de titre.

From behind Gertner, the former “Masterpiece” Chris Masters comes and clotheslines him, knocking him down to the ground. Masters puts the boots to Gertner, Arsenal bending over to get into Gertner’s face.

Arsenal: For two years I've been in this company and for two years, I've been nothing more than a joke. I've bled, sweat, and cried for this company and end up with little more than a concussion and a fifty dollar payday. I've been slammed into glass more times than I'd like to count but don't get title shots. Chris Mordetzky is here to change that. Tonight, it’s Drake Younger. Tomorrow, it’s the world..

Mordetzky and Arsenal exit the interview area, Gertner left on the ground.

(commercial break)

As we come back from commercial break, an ad airs for the upcoming WCWA German Rampage tour. The next month of WCWA shows will take place in Hamburg, Leipzig, and Oberhausen, all before finally stopping in Munich and the Olympiahalle for the next WCWA Pay Per View, Trial & Error. Call your ticket broker for information on these shows.

We switch back to the arena. The shot is on the entrance way. “Kiss2Kill” by Jimmy Jacobs and Jimmy Jacobs makes his way out onto the stage, wearing a flowing white jacket over long white tights. Jacobs has a small walking stick in hand. Lacey trails shortly behind him.

JH: The following match is scheduled for one fall and it will be a special mixed tag match. In this match, the men can wrestle the women, and the women can wrestle the men. Making his way to the ring, being accompanied to the ring by Lacey, from Revolution Avenue, weighing in tonight at one hundred and forty nine pounds, this is Jimmy JACOBS!

Jacobs makes his way down the ramp, sliding into the ring and going to the ropes, pointing his walking stick out into the crowd.

KK: What the HELL happened to Jimmy Jacobs? The last time we saw him, he was bouncing around and entering to the song from Transformers the Movie.. Now he’s singing his own theme song and looks.. Different..

SD: He’s went from loveable emo to angry emo. I bet his Myspace page has all the glittery stuff removed and replaced by scribbled cryptic messages..

KK: You’ve heard of Myspace?

SD: Yes, and I won’t friends you..

Jacobs slides down off the apron and sets his walking stick down on the ring apron. Jacobs’ music cuts off. The lights dim and “We Die Young” by Alice in Chains begins to play over the P/A system. The entrance begins to flash with red lights and LuFisto makes her way out onto the stage. She’s wearing a red velvety body suit with leather straps. Over it is a matching red hooded sweatshirt, the hood up and devil horns on top.

JH: And his tag team partner, from Montreal, Quebec, Canada, weighing in at one hundred and thirty seven pounds.. She is the “Queen of Hardcore”.. This is LUFISTO!

LuFisto makes her way to the ring, sliding in under the bottom rope. Jacobs approaches her and the two seem less than cordial.

KK: I don’t know if Jacobs and LuFisto are quite on the same page tonight..

SD: LuFisto’s never struck me as the emo type.. More like “crazy bitch that will cut your throat when you’re not looking” type.

KK: What are you saying?

SD: I’m saying, I’d fuck LuFisto, but I wouldn’t fall asleep around her..

The lights come back up as LuFisto‘s music cuts off, but immediately dim back and begin flashing in gold. “Me So Horny” by 2 Live Cru begins to play over the P/A system and SeXXXy Eddy makes his way out onto the stage. He’s wearing a gold and black vest, a red bowtie, and black break away pants, an outfit that makes him look very much like a male stripper. Shortly behind Eddy is Elsa Bangz, extremely cut off jeans that reveal most of a black thong, a white SeXXXy Eddy wife beater style t-shirt, cut in back and sewn together so that it’s even tighter over her boobs.

JH: And their opponents, first, being accompanied to the ring by “Tastes like Chicken” Elsa Bangz, from Very Long Beach, California, weighing in tonight at two hundred and ten pounds, plus five pounds of COCKMEAT, he is the “Triple X Sex Express” SeXXXy EDDY!!

Eddy to the ring side area, Elsa Bangz climbs up onto the ring apron and sits on the middle rope, parting the ropes open for Eddy. Eddy then hops up onto the ring apron, sliding in and dry humping the rope on the way in. Eddy in, then he sits on the middle rope, allowing Elsa to enter. Eddy lifts Elsa up and spins her around, laying her down on the mat.

KK: Okay, I realize that we're on late enough to air this, but does anyone really want to see Eddy dry-hump Elsa?

SD: Not really. Now, if LuFisto wanted to dry-hump Elsa...I'd be all for it.

KK: Likewise.

SD: Oh, quit lying. You want to see Eddy and Jacobs!

Eddy stands over her, slowly removing his vest. He uses the vest as a rope, wrapping it around her back, all the way under her and pulling it back under her feet. Eddy now standing over Elsa shirtless. He grabs the waist band of his pants and pulls, snapping off his breakaway pants in one easy swing, down to just his skimpy wrestling attire. Eddy’s music finally cuts off.

SD: Put it on! Put the fucking pants back on!

KK: Shane, you should be used to this by now.

SD: You NEVER get used to that, Kris.

The camera pans up the entrance way and “Redneck Woman” by Gretchen Wilson begins to play. Mickie Knuckles comes running out onto the stage.

JH: And his tag team partner, from Louisville, Kentucky, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty five pounds, she is the “Walking Episode of COPS” Mickie KNUCKLES!

Mickie into the ring and this match is under way. Mickie after LuFisto, Eddy with Jacobs. Clobbering rights and lefts from Mickie to LuFisto, and LuFisto sends them right back. Eddy sends Jacobs into the ropes and clotheslines him right over. Elsa Bangz and Lacey have not made it out of the ring yet as LuFisto and Mickie punch each other HARD!

SD: Can I just point out how sad it is that every female on our roster is involved in this match or the tag number ones contenders match?

KK: What are you saying?

SD: We need more ring rats! Duh!

KK: That's nice.

Mickie with a head lock on LuFisto, attempt for a running bulldog, but LuFisto throws her off and Mickie lands hard on her butt. Mickie slides out of the ring for a quick breather. LuFisto is not willing to give her this recovery time and comes running at the ropes. LuFisto dives between the top and middle ropes with a plancha, taking Mickie out on the arena floor.

SD: That is a lot of weight hitting Mickie there.

KK: Are you calling LuFisto fat?

SD: No. Just saying she has an ample trunk.

KK: A fat ass, you mean.

SD: You say that like it's a bad thing!

In the center of the ring, Lacey is keeping an eye on Jacobs and Eddy on the floor. Elsa comes from behind her and takes her to the mat. Elsa mounts Lacey and grabs a handful of hair. Lacey rolls it over with some hair pulling of her own. Elsa flips it back over and she’s pulling at Lacey’s shirt. Lacey rolls it back over and she bangs Elsa’s head off the mat.

KK: See, that is not bright on Elsa's part. Lacey is a trained wrestler.

SD: Didn't Elsa do some work with XPW?

KK: And I rest my case.

Referee Bryce Remsburg tries to break it up, but the two girls roll right over him. The two cat fighting girls slide to the outside as Mickie and LuFisto get back in. Mickie with a forearm to LuFisto. A hard forearm back to LuFisto from Mickie and LuFisto is rocked. LuFisto does a scream then spins, going for a roaring elbow, but Mickie ducks and LuFisto DRILLS Referee Bryce Remsburg with the roaring elbow.

SD: Okay, before that elbow, Remsburg was the luckiest son of a bitch on our roster?

KK: Now?

SD: He's probably hoping our contracts cover dental work.

KK: They don't.

SD: He's fucked!

On the outside, Eddy and Jacobs are still brawling. Eddy sends Jacobs sailing head first into the ring post. Eddy grabs a steel chair on the floor and goes after Jacobs, but Jacobs dodges him and Eddy hits nothing but ring post with the chair. Jacobs comes from behind Eddy and grabs him, pulling him to the arena floor with a Russian leg sweep.

SD: They are actually wrestling on the floor.

KK: What's your point?

SD: There isn't one. Just making a statement.

On the inside of the ring, LuFisto and Mickie are still going at it. LuFisto slaps Mickie across the face hard. Mickie grabs LuFisto by the sides of the hair and drills her with a head butt. LuFisto returns the head butt. A head butt back from Mickie and LuFisto goes DOWN!

SD: That is ONE TOUGH BITCH!

KK: I would say.

SD: JC Bailey had a hard time knocking LuFisto on her ass. Mickie just did it with a headbutt!

KK: I don't think we're allowed to mention LuFisto vs. Bailey.

SD: Bah, fuck it. Already did.

Jacobs rolls Eddy back into the ring and now all four are in the ring. Jacobs comes running at Mickie and catches a kick right to the mid section. Mickie grabs Jacobs and sets up for a suplex. Jacobs blocks it. Mickie can’t get the undersized Jacobs up. Eddy grabs Jacobs’ legs and lifts him up, Mickie still has the head grasped. Mickie drives Jacobs’ head into the mat, Eddy holding the legs and Jacobs SPIKING head first.

SD: Vertical drop DDT!

KK: I have never seen that move outside of Japan!

SD: And Jacobs lands right on the top of his head!

Mickie makes a cover, referee Bryce Remsburg with the count, 1.…2.… LuFisto breaks up the count at two.

KK: And LuFisto there in time.

SD: Jacobs was not kicking out there.

KK: Jacobs got dropped on his head. Of course he wasn't kicking out.

Remsburg wants one in and one out for each team, eventually bringing it down to Mickie and Jacobs. Mickie goes to work on the injured Jacobs, targeting his back with several Kawada kicks. Jimmy starts a crawl towards the corner to tag LuFisto, but Mickie grabs the leg and pulls him back to her corner, where she tags out to SeXXXy Eddy. Mickie’s still holding the leg when Eddy comes in, who quickly drops a leg drop on the leg of Jacobs.

SD: And finally, we have a tag match.

KK: You're saying it's not going to break down again?

SD: Of course it is. But for now, it's a tag match.

KK: Over-under on how long that lasts?

SD: About three minutes, knowing these four.

SeXXXy Eddy pulls Jacobs up to his feet. German suplex attempt from Eddy, Jacobs lands it on his feet but his knee gives out on him and he crumbles to the mat. Eddy is quick to stalk over him, but Jacobs gets up quickly and does the Ricky Morton roll, rolling right into the corner to tag out to LuFisto!!

KK: And that quickly, the tag is match.

SD: Something's fishy here.

KK: What do you mean?

SD: It's like our booker got lazy or something.

KK: (coughs) Kayfabe. (cough)

SD: Nice girl.

LuFisto in like a house of fire. She’s unloading on Eddy. Mickie runs into the ring and LuFisto plows her too. Eddy has reached into his tights during this girl on girl violence.

KK: Eddy is disgusting!

SD: Oh, come on. That's the reaction of most guys when two chicks get into it.

KK: Still, Shane. There could be kids watching.

SD: I sincerely doubt that. I don't think any parent is dumb enough to let their children watch HBO.

LuFisto goes back after Eddy, Eddy tosses something out of his trunks to Mickie. Mickie puts whatever Eddy just tossed her on her fist. Referee Remsburg is distracted with Eddy, LuFisto turns to Mickie and Mickie BLASTS her between the eyes. LuFisto crumbles to the mat.

SD: Were those brass knux?

KK: I think so.

SD: And here you thought Eddy was playing with himself.

KK: He probably was!

SD: That's beside the point!

Mickie out of the ring quickly, Eddy with a crotch-in-face cover on LuFisto, 1.…2.…3!

SD: And there's your payoff.

KK: When LuFisto finds out what happened, I won't not want to be SeXXXy Eddy.

SD: I would!

KK: Why's that?

SD: Mostly the five pounds of cockmeat, truthfully

Mickie slides into the ring, quickly disposing of the brass knuckles as she slides into the ring.

JH: Your winners of this match.. SeXXXy Eddy & Mickie KNUCKLES!

“Me So Horny” by 2 Live Cru begins to play over the P/A system as Mickie and Eddy celebrate, but Mickie’s right back to work on LuFisto, pounding away at her with rights and lefts. Jimmy Jacobs has not moved from his corner perch. The music quickly cuts off.

KK: With that, we send it back to..

SD: What’s this??

Lacey has seen enough of this two on one violence and slides into the ring, but is quickly caught by SeXXXy Eddy. Eddy grabs her in a rear waist lock and proceeds to slightly hump her backside. Jimmy slides into the ring slowly, grabbing his cane on the way in. Eddy looks over Lacey’s shoulder at Jacobs, who simply points the cane at Eddy.

KK: And what good does he think that's going to do?

SD: Well, it is a weapon. A crappy emo weapon, but a weapon non the less!

Eddy’s not budging from Lacey, Mickie is still pounding away at LuFisto’s unconscious body, but occasionally looking up at the situation in the ring. Jacobs slowly approaches Eddy. Eddy tosses Lacey down with no regard and Jacobs seems to snap. He grabs the head of his walking stick and pulls back, pulling out a giant sword out of the stick.

SD: THE FUCK?

KK: Oh, you CAN NOT BE SERIOUS! GO TO COMMERCIAL! SECURITY TO THE RING!

SD: Yeah, because they are going to get in there when he has a FUCKING SWORD!

KK: They have guns.

SD: Jimmy could stab before they pull.

Jacobs points the sword at Eddy and Eddy’s having none of it, quickly rolling out of the ring. Mickie follows suit as Jacobs clears the ring, brandishing his sword only slightly. He looks at LuFisto, laying prone on the mat, blood oozing from her forehead. Jacobs turns his attention to Lacey, who’s out on the mat, but then simply slides out of the ring, walking up the ramp without even turning back twice to her.

KK: I think we're supposed to say something here.

SD: Fuck that. The mother fucker had a fucking sword! I have nothing to say.

KK: We'll be right back, I guess...

From here, we cut backstage to Eddie Kingston. Kingston sits on a stairwell, looking downwards towards a camera.

EK: You know.. For the last few years.. I’ve been out to prove myself.. Prove myself as a tag team wrestler with the Wild Cards and my good friend Blackjack Marciano, prove myself as a singles wrestler on the indies.. Prove myself everywhere. Everywhere I’ve went, it’s been a fresh start.. From that fuck Kevin Knight, to Mike Quackenbush, to John Zandig, to Ian Rotten, to everyone in between.. Everyone has always expected Eddie Kingston to prove himself to them.. And I always did.. But secretly, I don’t know if I was proving it to them.. Or proving it to myself..

Kingston stands up from his seat on the stairwell and takes a few steps up.

EK: I was raised in the fucking gutter.. I had nothing growing up.. My only escape from the shit hole that was my life was drugs and wrestling, wrestling and drugs.. Cocaine and All Japan, weed and New Japan.. And now.. I’ve cleaned my life up some.. I don’t do the drugs and stupid shit any more.. So what does that leave me.. That leaves me with wrestling.. This Sunday at HURT.. I’m going to prove, once and for all.. That wrestling is more than just a weekend hobby to me.. It’s more than just an obsession.. Wrestling equals life to Eddie Kingston..

Kingston walks down a slight hallway from the stairwell, stopping at a door labeled “BLK Out locker room” with the BLK Out logo posted on the door in place of words.

EK: I’ve come from a long line of scum bags, dead beat dads, and pieces of shit.. All of them had the packs of rabid dogs that they ran around with, to get what they wanted and more importantly, to get what they needed. This time, I’m going to prove that I don’t need it. Fuck it.. I don’t want it.. They say I’m the Last of a Dying Breed. I’ve said it.. Right now.. The breed is dead.. Eddie Kingston is not a fucking stereotype. I’m not what you expected.. This Sunday, HURT.. I’m going to prove it to everyone.. Prove it to myself.. Eddie Kingston is for real.. Eddie Kingston is legit. Test my Gangsta.. Holla.

(commercial break)

As we come back from commercial break, we are backstage with Joel Gertner.

JG: Welcome back to WCWA Synthetic, live on HBO. I am your host with the most, with enlarged genitalia to boast, Joel “Mothers with girls, please don’t fret.. I’m not a super soaker, but I’ll make you super wet.” Gertner. And I am standing by with..

Camera pans outwards to show Delirious.

JG: Delirious.. Delirious.. This Sunday, live on HURT, you’re going to be competing for the International championship.. I regret saying this and the answer is probably no, but any thoughts?

Gertner hands the microphone over to Delirious.

Delirious: Testangtestang thisthing turnedon? Deliriious on Sundayay STRONNG STYLLEEEE!! Deliriious GIANTTT BABBBAHHH! Deliirious BURNING HAMMER to Sexy Sexy Sexy Chuckie T. Delirious INTERNATIONAL SHAMPION!

Delirious grabs his hand, handing the microphone back to Gertner.

Delirious: BAWK!! BAWK!!! BAWK!!!

Delirious walks away from the interview area in a confusion, as we cut back to the arena, and John House center ring.

JH: The following match is scheduled for one fall, with a thirty minute time limit, and it is for the number one contendership for the WCWA World Tag Team championships!

“Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!” by Vengaboys begins to play over the P/A system and Joey Eastman makes his way through the curtain, followed by Ryan Cruz, then Darin Corbin. Corbin’s belt reads “Blacking Out the BLK Out”.

JH: Being accompanied to the ring by “Absolutely Tan” Joey Eastman, first, from Anywhere but Anaheim, California, weighing in at one hundred and seventy five pounds, he is “Ravishing” Ryan Cruz! His tag team partner, from The Dude Ranch, because he’s HUNG LIKE A HORSE, he is “Delicious” Darin Corbin, together, they are the North Star Express!

The North Star Express slide into the ring and Joey Eastman grabs the microphone away from John House.

JE: Camera Man… ZOOM! You’ve seen Brain Damage, the most destructive force in professional wrestling today.. Just a few weeks ago, Brain Damage single handedly destroyed all of the BLK Out, and tonight, Joey Eastman Worldwide will reign supreme once again. I, “Absolutely Tan” Joey Eastman, am setting up an empire. These BLK Out thugs seem to have a problem with me, but just like when they crossed paths with Brain Damage, the BLK Out will fall to Joey Eastman Worldwide and the North Star Express.

Eastman hands off the microphone back to John House as the lights dim. “I’m a Hustla” by Cassidy feat. Jay-Z begins to play over the P/A system as the camera pans up the entrance way, meeting Robby Mireno as he comes through the curtain. Shortly behind Mireno is Allison Danger, then Jack Evans and Joker. Next through the curtain is Sabian, and finally Ruckus. Mireno has a microphone in hand.

RM: Yo, yo, yo, what’s the deal? Robby Mireno and the BLK Out takin’ this shit over, nationwide. John House fucked this shiznit up last week, so I am takin’ over. Ladies and gentlemen, I am “The Shane Douglas of taking blunt hits, The Pat Sajak of the Fat Paysack, and the Frank Sinatra of Professional Wrestling, your new ring announcer Primo” Robby Mireno and let me introduce, the BLK Out.

SD: Can't get in a fucking word with any of these big-mouths around.

KK: You talk too much as is..

RM: First, from P-Town, Washington, He is “The Next Brian Pillman, The B. Rabbit of Finding Weed and Grabbin' It, and the Prince of Parkland” he is the WCWA World Junior Heavyweight champion, “Mr. Corkscrew 630” Jack Evans! She’s from her momma’s spare bed room, she is “the Whitney to my Bobby, the Lizzy Borden of Marijuana Hoardin & The Anna Nicole Smith of Smokin that Sift” Allison DANGER! Now, he is the “Cambodian Axe Murderer and the Liquid Terminator”, Eastman, you better watch yo self, this is JOKER! And now, your future WCWA World Tag Team champions, first, from Chocolate City, weighing in tonight at a street value of $184 million dollars, “The Jake the Snake of Getting Baked, The Vinnie Mac of the Dime Sack, and The Bruce Lee of OHH WEEE” This is RUCKUS! His tag team partner, also from Chocolate City, weighing in tonight at a street value of $156 million dollars, he is “The Great Muta of Smoking Budha, The Floyd Mayweather of Fucking White Bitches because they pay better and the Lexington Steele of Professional Wrestling”.. “The Black Jesus” SABIAN! Together, we.. are… BLK OUT!

SD: The Lizzy Borden of Marijuana Hoarding'…

KK: That's what he said.

SD: I always figured one Lizzy was enough.

KK: One Lizzy is too many.

SD: That may be too… And did you notice he didn't even take a breath during that? So, apparently he doesn't smoke as much as he says he does

Sabian and Ruckus slide into the ring. Senior referee Jason Verdoes requests one in and one out. He gets Sabian and Darin Corbin in. The bell sounds and this match is under way. Sabian circles the ring clapping, the crowd claps along. Corbin slides out of the ring and Eastman grabs a microphone.

JE: Darin Corbin will NOT be wrestling until all this clapping stops!

SD: Clap louder, then. Make those pricks go away.

KK: If that's not the pot calling the kettle...

SD: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words will land you in the hospital!

Corbin, Cruz, and Eastman stand in protest on the outside as the crowd continues to clap. Sabian runs into the far ropes, back to the near ropes and he dives up and over the top with a Tope Con Hilo, diving right into Corbin, Cruz, and Eastman.

SD: Quick question.

KK: Go ahead.

SD: Where do you think he's higher? There or backstage?

KK: Well, seeing as we don't have a Wellness policy.

SD: A what?

KK: It'll mean something to the viewers.

SD: Moron.

Sabian up quickly, grabbing Corbin by the head and rolling him into the ring. Sabian with a cover on Corbin, but Corbin gets his foot on the bottom rope at the count of two, says referee Jason Verdoes. Sabian pulls Corbin up to a vertical base with an arm bar. He puts an elbow into the inner arm of Corbin, really working the arm. Sabian digs it low and snaps Corbin over with an arm drag, still holding the arm bar on the mat.

SD: I find it hard to believe this match is technical.

KK: And why's that?

SD: Because Corbin is shenaniganish and Sabian is flippedy-ish.

KK: Actually, Ruckus is flippedy-ish. Sabian is strong style-ish.

SD: Joker's the strong style one there.

KK: Or Kingston.

SD: True.

Ruckus comes into the ring and drops a leg drop onto the arm bar that Sabian was holding. Referee Jason Verdoes goes to Ruckus and gets him out of the ring. Ryan Cruz takes this as an opportunity to attack Sabian, pulling him off of Corbin. Cruz gets away and back out of the ring as Jason Verdoes turns around.

KK: And now the North Star's take advantage of a misplaced ref.

SD: What do you expect from a bunch of JEW's. Of course they cheat.

KK: We are so banned.

SD: Safe bet.

Sabian goes after Cruz on the ring apron, grabbing him by the neck. Referee is right on top of Sabian, trying to get him off of the illegal man, Corbin sneaks in and nails Sabian with a low blow, undetected. Corbin rolls Sabian up with a school boy, putting his feet on the ropes as Jason Verdoes slides in for the count, 1.…2.… Verdoes sees the feet on the ropes and stops the count.

SD: C'mon ref. People have done worse things then put feet on ropes here.

KK: Yeah, and they don't get caught. It's not Verdoes' fault that Corbin can't hide his cheating well enough.

SD: It's only cheating if you get caught.

KK: Well, Corbin did, so there you go.

Corbin gets up, stomping away at Sabian. Sabian starts a crawl towards Ruckus, Corbin taunts Ruckus and Ruckus comes running into the ring, quickly stopped by Jason Verdoes. Corbin raises his hands high above his head and claps, Ryan Cruz running into the ring as he does this. Corbin and Cruz proceed to double team until the referee turns back around, then Corbin leaves the ring.

SD: Beautiful.

KK: It's cheating, Shane.

SD: Yeah, but when it's done that well, it becomes an artform.

KK: It's still cheating.

SD: Okay, Freddy Fairplay. But either way, if the ref doesn't see it, it didn't happen.

When questioned about the tag, Cruz denies any tomfoolery. Cruz grabs Sabian and sends him flying into the far turnbuckle with an Irish whip. Cruz comes running in after him, but Sabian leapfrogs over into a victory roll, 1.…2.… kick out at two from Cruz.

KK: And like that, the match nearly ends.

SD: Well, it's a cliche, but it only takes three seconds.

KK: Cruz barely out, and the North Stars fight on for the tag title shot.

SD: You shill!

Sabian slowly back to his feet, working his way towards the BLK Out corner, Ruckus’ hand extended, ready for the tag. Ryan Cruz comes from behind Sabian and drags him back to the mat with a neck breaker. Cruz grabs Sabian by the arms and drags him back to the North Star Express corner, quickly tagging out to Darin Corbin.

KK: Just like that, North Stars back in control.

SD: What do you expect? JEW's run everything now adays.

KK: We are so getting fined for that.

SD: It's the truth!

Cruz lifts Sabian up and drops him across his knee with a back breaker, Corbin to the top rope and he drops a big elbow smash and Sabian flips over. Corbin with a cover as Cruz exits the ring, 1.…2.… kick out at two from Sabian.

KK: Varietion on the "Demolition Decapitation" there.

SD: With one big difference...

KK: And that would be?

SD: Cruz and Corbin can find the ring. Eadie was usually too drunk come bell time!

Corbin protests a slow count, but while he does so, Joey Eastman sticks his hands into the game and begins choking away at Sabian. Allison Danger’s seen enough and comes running around the ring. She goes after Eastman, but he takes off running. Eastman around the corner, Danger is chasing, but runs right into Ryan Cruz and a vicious clothesline. Eastman taunts Danger with an exaggerated laughter.

KK: Yeah, big man Eastman. Have Cruz take care of your dirty work.

SD: You've heard the "Allison is dirty" rumors too?

KK: (groans)

SD: What? Just saying. They are out there.

Back in the ring, Corbin works away at Sabian with forearms and elbows. He drags Sabian back to the North Star Express corner and sets him up. Cruz holds Sabian’s arms across his neck in a straight jacket like position, Corbin runs nearly to the BLK Out corner, then comes running in and nails a butt bump on Sabian, crumbling the Black Jesus.

SD: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL~!!!!!!

KK: The hell?

SD: If you don't get it, maybe the fans will.

Corbin with another cover, 1.…2.… kick out at two again from Sabian. Corbin up to his feet, Sabian with a single leg trip and a Ricky Morton roll to the corner, tagging in Ruckus! Ruckus comes in like a man on fire! Clothesline on Corbin! Cruz into the ring and he catches a clothesline! Corbin takes another! One more for Cruz! Corbin comes running in and he gets a flipping arm drag for his effort!

SD: And Ruckus is a flippedy-floppedy house of fire.

KK: Well, not as flippedy as usual.

SD: Give him time. He did just get back into the ring.

Cruz from behind Ruckus and he’s going for the typical double axe handle smash, but Ruckus rolls out of the way and Cruz nails Corbin. Referee gets Cruz out of the ring, Ruckus into the far ropes and he comes running in, flipping with a cartwheel into a standing moonsault, into a pin attempt on Corbin, 1.…2.… kick out at two from Darin Corbin.

KK: Two count off the handspring moonsault.

SD: Give him credit. He's flexible.

KK: Indeed.

SD: Bet that makes his boyfriend happy.

KK: Oh, I would love to see you say that to his face.

SD: He's too short to be face to face with me!

Ruckus up to his feet, Corbin still stunned on the mat. Ruckus grabs Corbin and drags him to the corner. Ruckus climbs the ropes and dives off, Corbin gets his knees up, but Ruckus apparently sees it, landing on his feet from the flip. Corbin gets to his feet and seems confused, Ruckus flips and nails him right in the back of the head with a Pelle kick.

SD: (Bleep) called. Wants his move back.

KK: Did you just get bleeped?

SD: I think so. I guess we can mention (bleep) by name.

KK: Apparently not.

Ruckus runs into the ropes and comes back, nailing a standing shooting star press on Corbin, hooking the leg for a pin attempt, 1.…2.…3!

KK: And the Ruckus Star Press spells the end for the North Stars.

SD: And JEW's everywhere are complaining.

KK: About that result?

SD: No, just in general. Eastman especially, though.

The bell sounds as Ruckus gets to his feet. BLK Out swarm the ring as “I’m a Hustla” by Cassidy feat. Jay-Z begins to play again. John House makes the announcement.

JH: Your winners of this match, and advancing on to the World Tag Team titles match at HURT, Ruckus and Sabian.. The BLK Out!

Ruckus and Sabian roll Corbin out of the ring, into the waiting arms of Joey Eastman. Joker makes a cut throat motion at Eastman.

KK: This Sunday at HURT, Joker has his own war with Joey Eastman Worldwide, and Brain Damage, but it’ll be the BLK Out, not the North Star Express, battling for the World Tag Team titles.

Ruckus and Sabian make a motion towards their waists for the belts as we cut backstage.

SD: Five bucks says Damage kills Joker, or visa versa.

Cut backstage to Marty Jannetty.

MJ: A joke.. People call me a joke.. People call me nothing but “ha ha”s.. But what people fail to realize is, I’ve been wrestling since before half the roster was even born. Marty Jannetty is not a joke.. And this Sunday at HURT.. Marty Jannetty will win the WCWA Television title..

Jannetty starts to walk away, but slips and falls in a small pool of oil.

MJ: What the fuck?

Michael Nakazawa walks into the frame, laughing, a bottle of baby oil in his hand. Jannetty tries to get up, but slips and falls in the oil again. Michael Nakazawa easily gets away as we fade to commercial break.

(commercial break)

As we come back from break, the shot is center ring, where John House stands with a microphone in hand.

JH: The following match is scheduled for one fall, with a twenty minute time limit, and it is a NO DISQUALIFICATIONS MATCH!!

The crowd pops at the thought of violence for the sake of violence. The camera does a quick ninety degree turn and pans up the entrance way as the lights come to a dim. “War” by System of a Down begins to play over the P/A system and Arsenal makes his way through the curtain, followed shortly behind by the excessively muscular Chris Mordetzky.

JH: Making his way to the ring, being accompanied by “The Masterpiece” Chris Mordetzky, from Cochrane, Ontario, Canada, weighing in tonight at one hundred and fifty five pounds.. This is ARSENAL!

Arsenal to the ring with a mixed reaction from the crowd. He goes to ringside and immediately grabs a chair, tossing it into the ring over the top rope, nearly hitting John House, before entering under the bottom rope himself. Arsenal grabs his chair and stands center ring as his music cuts off.

KK: And here's the official in-arena debut of the "Masterpiece", as he seconds Arsenal here.

SD: I'd say he was more of a narcissist, if you ask me.

KK: Thanks for the insight, Dean.

SD: Fuck you, Kloss.

A strobe light begins to flash on the entrance way as “Black Republican” by Nas feat. Jay Z begins to play over the P/A system.

JH: And his opponent, representing the Kings of Wrestling, from Indianapolis, Indiana, by way of the RAAGE Dojo, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty pounds, he is “The Psycho Shooter” Drake YOUNGER!

KK: You know, for a guy who is anti-hardcore, he's sure in a lot of these matches.

SD: It's called irony, Kris.

KK: No, it's called hypocrisy.

SD: Maybe he's just trying to take them apart himself.

KK: Yeah, but in a hardcore match? Defeats his purpose, does it not?

By this point, Drake Younger has made his way through the curtain. Drake, who’s sporting white boxing shorts and a black and white boxing style robe, makes his way to the ring quickly, walking down the ramp and only pausing to tell the random person to shut up. Drake slides into the ring and is immediately ambushed by Arsenal, with a brutal chair shot to the back. Drake’s music cuts off and the bell sounds. This match is officially under way.

KK: And a hot start it is...

SD: Arsenal's hot? You're a weird little man, Kris.

KK: You slept with Lizzy. You have no room to talk.

SD: That is a violent rumor! It's true, but it's still violent!

Drake tries to fight off Arsenal with lefts and rights, but Arsenal is fast to blast Drake right between the eyes with the steel chair. Drake crumbles to the mat as a thin layer of crimson oozes from his forehead. Arsenal sets the chair up in an unfolded position. He goes after Drake, who catches him with a low blow. Arsenal goes down. Drake finally gets a minute to remove his entrance jacket.

SD: When all else fails...

KK: Hit them in the nuts?

SD: Exactly. It's "Wrestling 101".

KK: With Professor Douglas, apparently.

SD: They thought I was a Dean in Stamford.

KK: Yeah...we know

Drake grabs a leg of Arsenal and sets it up on the set of the chair. Drake runs into the far ropes. He comes back and dives with a leg drop. He delivers a leg drop to Arsenal’s leg, driving the leg of his opponent right into the seat of the chair. Arsenal scrambles to get away. Drake to the outside, lifting up the ring skirt.

KK: Hypocrite.

SD: No, he's surviving. You go into one of these matches not ready to fight, and you're going to get your ass kicked. Just because Drake doesn't want to use the weapons, doesn't mean he won't, Kris.

KK: Still...

SD: Still nothing. It's survival of the sickest.

Drake comes back out with a barbed wire baseball bat in hand. Drake back into the ring, but Arsenal crowns him with the steel chair again and Drake fumbles the bat. The chair is stuck on Drake’s head, his neck over the seat and his head through the hole when the back goes.

SD: You know the saddest part, Kris?

KK: I'm afraid to ask.

SD: As vulgar as that chair shot was, it may be the calm before the storm.

KK: How so?

SD: Well, you weren't around for their first match. I was. You haven't seen anything yet!

Arsenal grabs the barbed wire bat and brutally smashes the legs of the chair with it. Once more. Drake is getting the chair smashed into his neck. Drake stumbles blindly and walks right into a drop toe hold, smashing Drake’s neck in the chair.

SD: And somewhere, Drake's chiropractor is smiling.

KK: And probably his massage therapist as well.

SD: Oh, I'm sure that the Kings cover that. They roll deep, you know.

KK: That or they find a ring rat.

SD: So, you've heard the same stories I have?

KK: No idea what you're talking about.

Drake’s neck is still in the chair as he is on the mat, struggling for air. Arsenal nails him across the back with a barbed wire baseball bat shot, then goes to work on the legs, immediately locking in a half crab. This adds pressure to the neck of Drake and he begins to gag. He’s looking for the ropes, but can’t crawl with the chair over his neck.

SD: This is the opposite of autoerotic asphyxia.

KK: What?

SD: Never mind.

Arsenal let’s off the hold. Drake’s still in the chair. Arsenal scrambles back to his feet and takes off running into the far ropes. Drake works his head out of the chair and jumps back to his feet with chair in hand. When Arsenal comes running back, Drake DRILLS him square between the eyes. Arsenal crumbles to the mat and Drake makes a cover, 1.…2.… but a kick out at two says referee Jon Howard.

KK: Tonight's "BOOM!" brought to you by tough-acting Tinactin.

SD: Man, have we ever sold out.

KK: Aren't you getting paid more?

SD: Well, yes. But still...

KK: Then shut-up!

Drake back to his feet. He grabs the chair up again and tries to fold it, but it’s far too dented. Arsenal back to his feet as well, snatching the barbed wire baseball bat on his way back to his feet. Arsenal from behind Drake with the barbed wire bat. He puts the bat in front of Drake and brings him backwards with a barbed wire bat assisted modified Russian leg sweep. Arsenal starts to go for a cover, but instead goes to the outside.

SD: Oh, he's got some sick shit in mind.

KK: I'm expecting a letter from E! tomorrow.

SD: But we don't work for them anymore.

KK: I still expect a letter.

SD: Yeah, fuck them. Fucking Kardashian’s. Kim's a nice piece of ass though.

KK: She's a whore!

SD: What's your point?

Chris Mordetzky lifts up the ring skirt at ringside as Arsenal slides out. Arsenal reaches under the ring, finally coming out. Mordetzky assists him with what he’s pulling out, a HUGE sheet of glass. The two slide the pane of glass into the ring, Arsenal follows it in. Mordetzky is quick to grab a few ringside chairs, sliding them into the ring as well.

SD: Holy fuck! Masters is hardcore.

KK: No, Mordetzky is a victim of 'roid rage.

SD: Yeah, I remember hearing about that. Some guy named Chris Benoit.

KK: What are you talking about? Benoit's the U.S. champion for another promotion.

SD: It'll mean something in a couple years. I promise.

As Arsenal gets back into the ring, Drake meets him with a shot to the mid section with the blunt end of the barbed wire bat. Arsenal doubles over and Drake starts to swing the bat, but stops, dropping the bat to the mat and instead opting to hit Arsenal with a jab to the chin, followed by a neck breaker.

KK: Oh, now he goes non-violent.

SD: That's the way he is. You expected anything else?

KK: Well, judging by the blood on Arsenal's forehead.

SD: Speculatory. How do we know Arsenal didn't cut himself?

KK: That's a whole different can of worms.

Drake gathers up Arsenal and applies an arm bar, yelling loudly that he is doing an arm bar. The crowd boos at this flagrant display of anti-hardcore. Arsenal struggles to get out of the arm bar, but it’s locked in really tight. Arsenal is finally able to get to the ropes, where Drake gives him a clean break.

SD: I don't know what was more offensive. The arm bar or the clean break.

KK: Well, aren't you a gentleman?

SD: Never claimed to be one, Kris.

KK: Still. You act like a clean break is foreign.

SD: Have you been watching lately? It is!

Arsenal grabs a chair and comes running at Drake. Drake catches him with a go behind waist lock and throws him with a German suplex, causing him to land on the chair on the way over. Drake goes for a cover, but again, only two says Referee Jon Howard.

KK: And now he uses the chair on the German.

SD: How did he know the chair was there? It was just a German.

KK: How could he not?

SD: He was facing the other direction. Duh!

Drake back to his feet and he pulls Arsenal up, but Arsenal still has the chair in hand and absolutely drills Drake with it. Arsenal unfolds the chair and takes it to the corner as Drake crumbles to the mat. Arsenal proceeds to set one chair up on the mat, then another next to it. Then he sets up two chairs across from the two already set up, so four chair seats are next to each other. Drake comes from behind Arsenal and tosses him right into the chairs. Drake goes to the corner and is calling for something off the top rope.

KK: I sense we're about to hit a high-spot.

SD: Yeah! Someone's about to get fucked up!

KK: That works, too.

Arsenal is quick to recover though, and he goes to the corner, shaking the ropes and causing Drake to crotch himself on the top rope. Arsenal grabs the large sheet of glass he brought into the ring earlier and sets it across the four chairs. Arsenal goes back to the corner, climbing the ropes, but he’s met with some stiff punches to the face.

KK: Warning. I may scream.

SD: What?

KK: Just saying.

SD: Good to know. Will you need someone to change your diaper as well?

KK: No. I can do that myself, thank you.

SD: It was rhetorical, Kloss

Arsenal is dazed on top. Drake grabs him in a fireman’s carry type position. Drake stands up and comes off the top rope with a Death Valley Driver, putting Arsenal right through the pane of glass and into the four chairs. Glass explodes in every direction as Arsenal’s body crumbles through the chairs. Drake hooks the far leg with a pin fall attempt. Referee Jon Howard in, making the count on a chair seat, 1.…2.… kick out by Arsenal!

SD: Okay, I call slow count!

KK: What do you mean slow count?

SD: How in the hell do you kick out of that without a slow count?

KK: Maybe he just has a big heart.

SD: And shrunken testicles.

KK: Uncalled for.

SD: Yeah...well, so is paying off the ref, and it looks like Arsenal did that. So who's to say what is and isn't called for.

Drake’s up and he can’t believe it. He grabs Arsenal by a leg and drags him through the broken glass. Drake looks around the debris, looking for something to put Arsenal away with. In the mean time, Mordetzky has tossed the recovering Arsenal something. Arsenal goes after Drake with whatever Mordetzky threw him, stabbing him right in the center of the forehead with a pair of scissors!

SD: Well, why the fuck not?

KK: Huh?

SD: We've seen everything in WCWA but scissors and a kitchen sink. Why not add scissors to the list.

KK: No kitchen sinks, huh?

SD: Not that I recall.

Drake’s blood FLOWS as he goes to the mat. Arsenal gets him into a camel clutch type position, bringing the blade of the scissors to Drake’s forehead, carving away at “The Psycho Shooter”. The blood flows from Drake’s forehead, covering Arsenal’s hands.

SD: Apparently Drake's on his period.

KK: I dare you to say that to his face.

SD: I look that stupid to you?

KK: Did you or did you not agree to a professor gimmick?

SD: Okay. Point taken.

Drake fights Arsenal off of him and Arsenal fumbles the scissors. Drake grabs them and immediately goes after Arsenal, but Arsenal catches him with a drop toe hold, dropping him with the scissors right into the shards of shattered glass.

SD: I will say this...there was been more scientific wrestling in this then you'd think.

KK: As my former colleague would put it, violent scientific crap.

SD: Ah, poor Larry. Had to get deported.

KK: I heard he's living in Mexi-Cali.

SD: I know not of what you speak of.

Arsenal goes for the scissors again by Drake throws a handful of broken glass into his face. Arsenal stumbles blindly around the ring, Drake grabs the scissors and stabs him right in the top of the head. The tip of the blade enters Arsenal’s head and crimson immediately flows like a river. Drake pulls the blade out and quickly runs it across Arsenal’s forehead before tossing it down.

KK: Okay, Shane explain that.

SD: Um, that would be a guy getting cut with scissors. Didn't know it was that hard to pick up on.

KK: I mean Drake using them.

SD: Well, it's slice or be sliced. And he was tired of being a roast beef slab.

Drake goes after Arsenal, but Arsenal catches him right between the legs with a kick. Drake doubles over. Arsenal comes after Drake, but Drake catches him with a hard uppercut. Drake grabs Arsenal and quickly hooks his arms. Drake turns him over and lifts him up onto his own back.

KK: Looks like Drake's Landing.

SD: Which may be the dumbest finisher name in this company.

KK: Says the man who had a move call the "Franchiser".

SD: Hey, I'm the fucking "Franchise". I get the right to call it that.

KK: Either way, it's a Kudo Driver.

SD: A who's a what now?

KK: Kudo Driver. Named after it's inventor, Megumi Kudo.

Drake carries Arsenal a few steps and then drops him, dropping him with the Drake’s Landing right onto the barbed wire baseball bat. Arsenal’s spine folds as he lands on the unlevel and razor sharp barbed wire bat. Drake turns around and goes for the cover, Referee Jon Howard right in position, 1.….2.…3!

KK: (SCREAMS)

SD: What the FUCK was that?

KK: I warned you about screaming.

SD: Still.

KK: What it was is a three count for Drake Younger. But you have to wonder how his fellow Kings of Wrestling will respond to him working the Hardcore style.

SD: Survival of the sickest, Kris. I'm telling you.

The bell sounds as “Black Republican” by Nas begins to play over the P/A system once more. John House makes the announcement official as Jon Howard raises Drake’s hand.

JH: The winner of this match and STILL the number one contender for the WCWA Death Match championship.. “The Psycho Shooter”… Drake YOUNGER!

Drake makes his way out of the ring as Chris Mordetzky comes in to check on Arsenal. Drake goes up the ramp, signaling to his waist.

KK: This Sunday on Pay Per View, it’s Drake Younger’s chance to capture the Death Match title, one more time..

SD: But you have to ask.. Why would he want it?

Cut backstage, where Chris Hero, Dave Prazak, Todd Gordon, Sabu, and Bill Alfonzo stand around a monitor. Chuck Taylor also joins the collective Kings of Wrestling in their television viewing.

CH: See, that’s what I’m talking about. That’s what the Kings of Wrestling are all about. Drake went out there and annihilated that kid.. Despite his motivation and hardcore weaponry, it wasn’t enough to overcome sheer talent.. Which brings me to you..

Hero looks back to Chuck Taylor.

CH: You are a King of Wrestling.. You have overcome the odds and made it to the finals of the WCWA International title tournament.. You are within inches of picking up the pieces that one CM Punk dropped when he left this company.. So I extend a welcome to you.. For tonight and forever, to join the Kings of Wrestling..

CT: Tonight, we revolutionize professional wrestling.. And beat up people that don’t speak proper English!

(commercial break)

As we come back from break, a special promo package airs for HURT.

I hurt myself today [A still of Eddie Kingston, bloodied from the King of the Death Matches]
To see if I still feel [Cuts into a still of Chris Hero screaming in pain]
I focus on the pain [A brief black and white clip of the WCWA World Heavyweight title being raised up]
The only thing that's real [Fades to Eddie Kingston face to face with Chris Hero]
The needle tears a hole [A black and white Kodak picture of CM Punk holding the WCWA International title appears on the screen]
The old familiar sting [Which fades into a quick clip of Chuck Taylor hitting the Sole Food]
Try to kill it all away [And splices into Delirious running around the ring in a panic]
But I remember everything [Another still, this time of the International title]

What have I become [A black and white clip of JC Bailey soaked in blood appears]
My sweetest friend [Which fades to Drake Younger dropping Arsenal on the ring steps with a Vertebreaker]
Everyone I know goes away [A still of “Sick” Nick Mondo holding the Death match title appears]
In the end [Which fades to JC Bailey and Drake Younger falling barefoot into thumbtacks]
And you could have it all [A still of the Backseat Boys posing with Allison Danger and the Tag Team titles]
My empire of dirt [Cuts to a still of Allison Danger with BLK Out]
I will let you down [And fades to Trent Acid and Ruckus coming off a cage with a Russian leg sweep]
I will make you hurt [A quick splice of everyone in all the championship matches, fades completely out as the following message appears on the screen]

WCWA HURT, live this Sunday, only on Pay Per View.

As we come back from commercial break, the shot lingers over the ring as “Kryptonite” by Three Doors Down plays over the P/A system. About halfway through the song already, Chris Hero stands in the center of the ring with a microphone in hand. Dave Prazak is behind him, Drake Younger and Todd Gordon in front of him.

CH: My name is Chris Hero. And I am better than you.

The crowd boos. Hero raises his hand for silence, but the crowd just boos louder.

CH: You know, I have all night, but this is only a two hour show, so if you actually want to see wrestling, you better sit down and shut up. Sit down slowly, please, we don’t need the arena complaining about broken chairs.

The crowd feverishly boos as Chris Hero continues his triad.

CH: I am better than each and every one of you. It’s not because I am drug free. It’s because I am the best wrestler in professional wrestling today. I know escapes to holds that haven’t even been invented yet.

A particularly loud heckler in the front row has risen from his seat and is spewing hatred towards the ring in Chris Hero’s direction. Security grabs him and steps between the drunkard and the ring.

CH: Sit down before you get yourself hurt. If you worked nine to five, exercising every second you were awake, you'd never look a quarter as good as me, now sit down and shut up and have another donut wrapped in bacon, you fat tub of lard.

The man screams something but it’s not audible to the camera, nor anyone at home.

CH: see, I have the microphone, so people can actually hear what I am saying, you middle school drop out. Get up, go to the concession stand right now, and use some of your food stamps on a hot dog, you inbred hillbilly piece of trailer park trash.

The man flips Hero off. Drake Younger starts through the ropes, but is grabbed by both Prazak and Todd Gordon, hanging him up in the top and middle ropes.

CH: Now as I was saying. I am better than each and every one of you. I am better than every professional wrestler today. I am not afraid of this mystery challenge. Should this blind man beat The Messiah, I’ll beat him like his name was Dale. Because that’s what I do to the blind. I beat them. I beat who I know. I beat who I don’t. Because Chris… Is… Awesome..

Hero hands the microphone off to John House, who starts his introductions. “Hey Sandy” by Polaris begins to play over the P/A system.

JH: The following match is a special tag team encounter, scheduled for one fall with a twenty minute time limit. Your referee is PJ Drummond. Already in the ring, representing the Kings of Wrestling, from Metropolis, weighing in tonight at two hundred and thirty pounds, he is “Your Hero” Chris HERO! And his tag team partner, now making his way down the ramp..

As House says this, Chuck Taylor is entering the ring, immediately going to the corner for a quick pose.

JH: From Raccoon City, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty five pounds, he is the self proclaimed next WCWA International champion, this is “Sexy” Chuck Taylor!

Taylor hops down off the ropes and heads to center ring, exchanging a quick high five, then low five with Chris Hero as “Hey Sandy“ cuts off. The two huddle center ring as the lights come to a quick dim. “Unorthodox Manifesto” by Dimmu Borgir begins to play and Delirious makes his way out onto the stage on his knees.

JH: And their opponent.. Making his way to the ring, from the Edge of Insanity, weighing in tonight at one hundred and ninety six pounds, he is “The Lizard Man”.. This is DELIRIOUS!

Delirious comes down the ramp, but pauses at ringside, pointing up the stage. His theme music cuts off and is replaced by “I’m a Hustla” by Cassidy feat. Jay-Z. The introduction of the song is all that plays, however, fading into “Bully” by Eminem. With this, Jack Evans makes his way through the curtain, the WCWA Junior Heavyweight title draped over his shoulder. Allison Danger and Robby Mireno come behind Evans.

JH: And his tag team partner, making his way to the ring and being accompanied by “the Lizzy Borden of Marijuana Hoardin” Allison Danger and “The Pat Sajak of the Fat Pay Sack, the Shane Douglas of Taking Blunt Hits, and the Frank Sinatra of Professional wrestling” “Primo” Robby Mireno, from Parkland, Washington, weighing in tonight at one hundred and sixty five pounds of solid reefer, he is the reigning WCWA World Junior Heavyweight champion.. “The Prince of Parkland..” Jack EVANS!!

Thanks to the incredibly lengthy introduction, Evans and BLK Out have made their way to the ring by the time John House has finished. Evans taps fists with Delirious and both men enter the ring. Hero and Taylor are right on top of them with stomps as they slide into the ring. The bell sounds and the match is officially under way.

SD: So, how well do you think Delirious and Jack get along here?

KK: About as well as we do.

SD: Doesn't bode well for them.

KK: No, it doesn't.

Hero goes after Evans, Taylor pounding on Delirious. Both of the heels have Evans and Delirious grounded, but the Kings of Gibberish work their way up slowly respectively. Taylor and Hero lock Evans and Delirious in dueling side head locks. Evans fights Hero off and Delirious fights Taylor off, sending both heels into the ropes. Taylor and Hero are both able to put on the breaks, stopping at the ropes and sliding under the bottom rope to the arena floor. Taylor and Hero both point to their heads.

SD: See, they aren’t smart.

KK: No, they aren’t.. Incoming!

Delirious comes running into the ropes and dives up and over the top rope, taking out both Taylor and Hero with double clotheslines, taking out both Taylor and Hero on the floor.

KK: Like I said. Incoming!

SD: Thank you, nostradumbass.

KK: I wish you'd quit calling me that.

SD: Yeah, well...keep wishing.

Delirious works his way up to his feet and pounds his chest proudly. Hero slowly up and he grabs Delirious, smashing his head into the ring apron. Taylor grabs onto Delirious as well on the arena floor and the two heels have a good pounding on the Lizard Man. But inside the ring, Jack Evans has made his way to the second rope. Springboard to the top rope, a turn and a dive and Evans does a modified Phoenix splash right into the three men on the outside and all four are down.

SD: Now why would Delirious just stand there?

KK: Holding Taylor and Hero in place?

SD: Or extra landing space for Evans?

KK: Shhhh! They don't need to know that!

Evans slowly up to his feet with the help of Allison Danger. He goes after Hero. He tries to whip Hero into the guardrail, but Hero reverses it and Evans goes sailing in. Evans with catlike balance is able to hop up onto the guardrail and dives backwards with a moonsault. Hero sees him coming and simply takes two steps backwards and Evans splats on the arena floor.

SD: See, told you Hero was smart!

KK: And meanwhile, Evans has just gone splat on our arena floor!

SD: Spatula in Ringside Row B. Thank you.

KK: How compassionate.

SD: I pride myself on it, Kris.

Back inside the ring, Taylor and Delirious are going at it. Taylor calls for a lock up. Delirious doesn’t trust him, but finally agrees, lifting his hands into the air. Taylor takes Delirious’ trust and jabs him in the eye, then stomps his foot. Delirious stumbles right into a body slam and Chuck Taylor is in control.

KK: Never trust a King of Wrestling.

SD: Delirious ain't the brightest bulb, Kris.

KK: Yeah. We've learned that.

SD: His Happy Meal is missing the french fries.

KK: This fancy bit of commentating brought to you by McDonald's.

SD: We're loving it.

Taylor reaches into his tights and comes up with a handful of nothing.

CT: This, is a grenade! And when I pull the pin, I’m going to blow him to pieces!

Taylor pulls the imaginary pin on the imaginary grenade, then drops an elbow. He hops back to his feet screaming “BOOM!” as Delirious wiggles in agony from the elbow drop.

KK: Speaking of not the brightest bulbs.

SD: But you notice he had offence before his ridiculousness. It's moronic, but effective.

Delirious slow to his feet, but he goes scrambling into his corner, where Jack Evans isn’t. Evans is still down on the outside so Delirious cannot make a tag. Taylor comes running in for a drop kick to the back of Delirious, driving his mid section into the turnbuckles.

KK: The guy may be nuts, but he has an amazing dropkick.

SD: Probably the best in the business.

KK: Hardcore Holly says hi.

SD: Who?

KK: Bodacious Bob

SD: Who?

KK: Bob Holly.

SD: Who?

KK: Sparky Plugg.

SD: Oh, that shmuck.

Taylor with a school boy and he grabs a handful of tights. Referee Bryce Remsburg is in position to see Delirious’ shoulders down, but not the tight grabbing. Taylor also gets his feet on the ropes as Bryce starts the count, 1.…2.… kick out somehow by Delirious!

SD: Next time, hit him in the nuts.

KK: Oh, that's nice.

SD: Maybe not, but it's probably a three count.

KK: You're an idiot.

SD: And yet still a 'Dean'. Irony's not lost on me either.

Delirious up to his feet slowly. Taylor goes for a right but Delirious blocks it. Another and Delirious blocks again. One more and it‘s time for Delirious to fire back. Left, right, left, unloading on Taylor with lefts and rights. Delirious stops and grabs his crotch, twirling around for a moment before nailing an elbow! Taylor goes down and rolls right into his corner to make the tag to Chris Hero.

SD: That elbow looked familiar.

KK: Yeah, I've seen it before too.

SD: Remember where?

KK: No. But I think he was a common man.

SD: A polka-dotted common man, if I recall

Delirious comes running at Hero for a baby face fire clothesline, but Hero catches him easily with a drop toe hold. Hero with the float over into a front face lock. He rams Delirious’ face into the mat a few times in the front face lock, working his way to a vertical base. Front face lock still locked on Delirious, Hero hooks a leg and flips Delirious over, nailing a fisherman’s suplex with a bridge on Delirious. Remsburg into position for the count, 1.…2... Broken up by Jack Evans at two.

KK: That brings back memories.

SD: It was perf...

KK: Again with that. We're going to get sued!

SD: Yeah, but we have sponsors now, so we can afford it!

KK: True.

SD: It was perfect!

Evans continues to stomp on Hero, but is quickly forced out of the ring by referee Bryce Remsburg. While Bryce is forcing Evans out of the ring, Hero and Taylor are able to double team Delirious, stomping and kicking him relentlessly. Evans is now out of the ring, but Robby Mireno hops up onto the ring apron to protest the beating, shouting something about Rodney King. During this verbal debate between Remsburg and Mireno, Delirious is still being double teamed by the self proclaimed Kings of Wrestling.

SD: He has a point.

KK: Who?

SD: Mireno. They did Rodney King wrong.

KK: Fans, we at WCWA encourage you to let it go!

Mireno off the apron and Remsburg is finally back to the match at hand. The damage seems to be done on Delirious, though. Hero to work on Delirious, sticking his fingers into the mouth of Delirious and pulling back with a modified STF. Remsburg warns to get out of the mouth and starts a five count, 1.…2.…3.…4.… Hero breaks just before five.

SD: Hero is expeirenced. He knows that he can do that for so long, and then has to break.

KK: It's cheating, Shane.

SD: Yeah, but smart cheating. And you have to commend that.

KK: No, I don't!

SD: Well, you should.

Delirious slowly crawling towards the ropes on his hands and knees. Hero gets in front of him, taunting. Delirious just a few feet from the corner, but Hero grabs him by the foot and drags him back to the center of the ring, then a little bit more towards the Kings of Wrestling corner. Slowly and precisely, Hero locks on a figure four leg lock. Delirious screams incoherently in agony.

KK: Wooo!

SD: Fuck you.

KK: Figure four locked in, and Delirious is hurting...

SD: I am not sure, but I think Delirious just called Hero a jet-flying, limosuine riding...

KK: He did not!

SD: Okay. I will.

KK: You will not either.

Remsburg down to check for submission, Hero reaches back to Taylor for additional leverage on the hold. Remsburg up to check and Hero releases. Remsburg back down to check on Delirious and again, Hero goes to the ropes for leverage. Hero breaks it just as Remsburg is getting up again. Allison Danger has seen enough and hops to the ring apron to protest the shenanigans.

KK: I don't think Allison is doing Delirious any favors.

SD: Maybe not, but that dress is doing favors for me!

KK: That's...more then we needed to know.

SD: Felt like sharing. What can I say?

Remsburg over to Danger, turning his attention away from Hero. Hero pulls Delirious up and tosses him up and over the top rope. Drake Younger and Todd Gordon are quick on the assault with stomps. Drake pulls Delirious up and lifts his arm, exposing the ribs for an off the ring apron ax handle smash from Taylor.

KK: Not the axehandle!

SD: That was a finisher in older times.

KK: Yeah, when Deans, clowns, and giants were roaming the wrestling stages.

SD: I never wrestled Doink. That is a rumor! A violent untrue rumor!

KK: Yeah, and I’m a “Bourne Again” Christian..

Taylor gets Delirious up onto his shoulders and brings him over towards the ring apron, where Hero meets him, grabbing Delirious by the head and suplexing him back into the ring. Hero with a cover, Remsburg still with Danger. Evans into the ring and he nails a flipping leg drop on Hero to break the count.

KK: Unique twist on the Doomsday Device there.

SD: And Evans gets flippedy-floppedy to break up the count.

KK: You have something against the flippedy-floppedy?

SD: Generally, yes. But especially when that goof is in the ring.

Hero up and he chases after Evans, who bails out of the ring over the top rope. Taylor into the ring and after Delirious, Delirious rolls him up with a small package. Danger hops off the apron and Remsburg turns to see the small package, 1.…2.…. NO! Taylor kicks out at two!!

KK: C'mon Bryce! That was three.

SD: No, that was two.

KK: That's what Bryce counted.

SD: Which means it was two. It's how things work. It's all up to the zebra!

Delirious up to his feet, obviously still stunned from the beating he’s taken thus far. He looks to the corner and Evans is gone, escaping through the crowd with Hero giving chase. Taylor sneaks up from behind Delirious. Taylor gets a boot up under Delirious’ chin and goes for the Sole Food, but Delirious doesn’t drop!

KK: May want to try something else there, Chuckie.

SD: I'd say so. FIGHTING SPIRIT~!!

KK: You're an idiot. Meanwhile, it's come down to the two people who will meet at HURT for the International title.

SD: You want to talk about momentum!

KK: So very true.

Taylor now on the mat and Delirious grabs the free foot. Taylor kicks him off and Delirious goes running into the ropes. Taylor nips up and catches Delirious as he’s coming back, flipping him upside down and dropping him right on his dome out of no where with the Awful Waffle!

KK: Omega Driver! And that will be curtains for Delirious.

SD: That will be curtains for anyone!

KK: Evil, evil move there by Taylor.

Taylor with a cover, Remsburg into position, 1.…2.…3!

SD: How's that for Sunday, Kris?

KK: Huge momentum in the favor of Chuck Taylor here. As not only has he and Chris Hero defeated Delirious and Jack Evans, but Taylor himself with the pinfall on the man he faces for the gold at HURT!

SD: CM Punk did a lot for that International title. And that might be the next man to grab it in "Smooth" Chuckie T.

KK: Possibly fans. More WCWA after this.

The bell sounds. Taylor slow back to his feet, where Remsburg tries to raise his hand, but Taylor pulls it away. “Hey Sandy” by Polaris begins to play over the P/A system again and John House makes the announcement official.

JH: Your winners of this match, the team of Chris Hero and Chuck Taylor, the Kings of Wrestling!

Taylor exits the ring, joining Drake Younger and Todd Gordon as they exit up the ramp in celebration. Allison Danger and Robby Mireno enter the ring to check on Delirious, who is OUT!

KK: This Sunday at HURT, will the outcome be the same? Will Delirious be able to overcome Taylor one on one?

Cut backstage to LuFisto. LuFisto stands at the top of a stairwell in a glistening pink top and tight black jeans, looking down the stairs towards a camera halfway down.

LuFisto: You know, professional wrestling is a funny thing.. How almost anyone can succeed.. The undersized.. The Sean Waltman’s, the Dean Malenko’s, the Rey Misterio Jr’s.. The freaks of the world.. The Zach Gowen’s, the Andre the Giant’s, the Jim Ross‘s.. Even the midgets.. The Tiger Jackson’s, the Little Beaver’s, and the Sky Low Low’s of the world.. And despite all these people’s difference size, colors, and other abnormalities.. They’ve all succeeded.. And they all have one thing in common.. They are all men. It’s a man’s sport.

LuFisto steps around at the top of the steps for a moment before continuing her tirade.

LuFisto: And while you can be a drunkard like Jake Roberts.. A drug addict like Jannetty.. Or a hooker murderer like Jimmy Snuka.. You’ll always be accepted in this sport.. Because it’s the sport of kings! It’s a man’s world! And for a woman to succeed.. They have to be something special.. The Sherri Martel’s, the Fabulous Moolah’s.. the… LuFisto’s.. You see, I revolutionized woman’s professional wrestling. I fought and struggled for everything I have and everything I am getting. Women’s wrestling was BANNED in Montreal until I came along..

LuFisto has now looked down towards the ground while talking, pacing back and forth as she continues.

LuFisto: Which brings me to you, Mickie Lee Knuckles.. What have YOU done in professional wrestling, to have what you’ve earned? You were the last student of {LuFisto does air quotes} “The Undisputed King of Hardcore” Ian Rotten. Ian Rotten is a no good piece of shit that got famous off bludgeoning himself and Madman Pondo in front of fifteen people in butt fuck Kentucky, and that’s a fucking shoot! Mickie Knuckles, you’re trying to make a name for yourself off of me.. That’s a very bad move.. It’s going to get you killed, little girl..

(commercial break)

As we come back from commercial break, the Death From Above set up has been assembled. Four wooden boards are strapped to each corner, a trap door attached to the top. Underneath the trap door are two vertical eight foot light tubes taped together, as well as a horizontal light tube, taped to the top rope. When the light tubes are broken, whatever is in the trap door above will release onto whoever is under the trap. John House stands uncomfortably in the center of the ring.

JH: The following match is scheduled for one fall, with a twenty minute time limit.. It will be for the WCWA Death Match championship.. And it is a DEATH FROM ABOVE MATCH!!

The lights come to a quick dim. “Heavy Metal Kings” by Jedi Mind Tricks begins to play over the P/A system and Scotty Vortekz makes his way through the curtain. The crowd gives Vortekz some slight cheers as he makes his way down the ramp.

JH: Making his way to the ring, the challenger, from Indianapolis, Indiana, by way of the RAAGE Dojo, weighing in tonight at one hundred and sixty pounds.. This is Scotty VORTEKZ!!

Vortekz to the ring apron, carefully sliding under the bottom rope. The lights come back on and Vortekz inspects one of the light tube set ups in the corner.

SD: What has this dumb fuck gotten himself into?

KK: Well, it’s for the Death Match title.

SD: Yeah, against that man that tried to kill LuFisto. And she’s a woman. Allegedly. Imagine what he’ll do against a guy!

KK: One can only wonder…

SD: Fucked up shit. I promise

Vortekz is still checking out the contraption when the lights go down. “Living Dead Girl” by Rob Zombie and JC Bailey makes his way through the curtain, the WCWA Death Match championship over one shoulder, a small light tube bundle over the other.

JH: And his opponent.. From Bardstown, Kentucky, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty nine pounds.. He is the reigning and defending WCWA Death Match champion.. “Too Hardcore For a Gimmick” JC BAILEY!!

Bailey makes his way to the ring and starts to slide his light tubes into the ring, setting them on the ring apron. Scotty Vortekz runs and hits a baseball slide, kicking Bailey’s own light tubes into his face. Bailey stumbles backwards and down to the arena floor as glass flies everywhere.

SD: And a fast start to this one.

KK: (SCREAMS)

SD: What was that?

KK: A catchphrase.

SD: No, that was a scream.

KK: It's what I'm known for.

SD: No, it isn't. You're known for being incompetent.

KK: Thank you.

SD: Anytime.

Vortekz to the outside, going out the side of the ring to the left of where Bailey lays. Vortekz is looking around ringside, eventually finding a steel chair. Vortekz after Bailey. Bailey has had plenty of time to recover by the time he gets to Bailey and Bailey meets him with a stiff kick to the mid section, causing Vortekz to fumble the steel chair. Bailey sweeps the chair up and smashes Vortekz right across the back hard.

KK: And that whacks are tied at one.

SD: Yeah, but JC only got Scotty across the back. Whereas Scotty caught JC across the forehead, and appears to have busted JC open early in this contest.

KK: And losing blood this early is a bad sign for the champion.

Vortekz down to the ground and holding his back. Bailey unfolds the chair, setting the seat of the chair out and placing it down on the arena floor. He pulls up Vortekz and smashes his head off the seat of the chair. Bailey hops up to the ring apron. Two steps and Bailey hops off. He’s going for a leg drop, but Vortekz moves and Bailey hits nothing but the seat of the chair. The chair seat folds up under Bailey’s weight, crumbling to a mess of mangled metal.

SD: Ouch.

KK: All you have is ouch?

SD: Okay. Fucking ouch. Happy?

KK: A sense of déjà vu from Shane Douglas.

SD: What are you talking about?

KK: Never mind.

Vortekz is up to his feet. He gathers up Bailey and rolls him into the ring. Vortekz on top of Bailey with a lateral press. Referee Michael Z slides into position, but it’s only enough for a count of one before Bailey kicks out.

SD: Quick kick out by JC there.

KK: It was kind of early for that cover.

SD: Yeah. Except for the light tubes at the beginning, nothing sick has happened yet.

KK: You're a joy.

SD: Don't you forget it.

Vortekz is up and he points to one of the corners. The crowd cheers, ready to see what these corners are set to unleash. He grabs Bailey’s head and starts to go for a whip, but Bailey is able to reverse the whip. Vortekz is sailing towards the light tubes, but he’s able to put on the breaks just short of the tubes. Bailey comes running in for a cross body block, but Vortekz gets out of the way and Bailey hits the tubes. As glass shatters everywhere, the trap door above opens up and Bailey is showered in glistening silver thumbtacks.

SD: Oh, you sick fucks.

KK: Who?

SD: The people that made this match?

KK: Wouldn't that be our boss, Dave Lenker?

SD: Oh. In that case, great idea Dave!

KK: You sell out.

SD: Well, the rest of the company has. Why not me?

Vortekz in on the attack. He grabs Bailey by the hair and pushes him downwards, forcing Bailey’s face into the tacks. Several tacks stick into the face of Bailey. Vortekz rolls Bailey over and pulls him towards the center of the ring, dragging him through tacks and broken glass in route to the center of the ring, where he goes for a cover. Referee Michael Z in position and he goes down for a count, 1.…2.… kick out at two from Bailey.

SD: I think that was a wear down cover.

KK: How so?

SD: We've seen Bailey in wars. Scott knew that wasn't enough, but he made JC kick out just to expend a little more energy. Sound strategy. Unlike other companies where it was whack, whack, whack off, whack, whack.

KK: Been talking to Lizzy again?

SD: We're in touch, yes.

Vortekz up and he goes to the corner. He’s trying to get one of the broken tubes off, but the tape is hindering him. He tries to undo the tape, but it’s stuck good. In his fight with the tape, JC Bailey has recovered. Bailey from behind Vortekz with a handful of hair and he snaps Vortekz’s head right into the tacks!

KK: Dare I say that neck snap was Perfe..

SD: Don't finish that!

KK: And why not?

SD: We've been sued before. I'm sure Vince has no qualms about doing it again.

KK: Shades of Lelani Kai there..

SD: Yeah, because Lelani Kai was all about thumbtacks and light tubes..

KK: You ever read Fabulous Moolah's book?

SD: Has anyone?

Bailey back on the attack, pulling Vortekz up by a handful of hair. Vortekz now has tacks stuck in his head, almost making a small thumbtack hat. Bailey goes for a whip to the far corner, but Vortekz is able to put on the breaks. Vortekz with a kick to the mid section of Bailey and he goes for a hip toss, but Bailey is able to land on his feet. Both men still have their arms locked together, but Bailey delivers a chop to the chest of Vortekz. Vortekz responds with a sickeningly stiff chop that IMMEDIATELY turns a spot on Bailey’s chest bright red, the shape of Vortekz’s hand.

SD: Take that, you bitch Flair!

KK: What was that?

SD: Flair hasn't hit that hard in years.

KK: What is it you have against Flair?

SD: More like what isn't there to have against him.

Bailey goes for another chop on Vortekz, but Vortekz catches the hand and locks on a knuckle lock. Bailey frees his other hand and goes for a chop, but Vortekz catches this one the same. Both men are now locked in a knuckle lock center ring, neither over powering the other. They work their way into the corner accidentally, stumbling right through a light tube set up and unleashing another trap door, this time showering both men in salt!! The knuckle lock is broken quickly as both men’s cuts are filled with salt!!

Fans: YOU SICK FUCKS! YOU SICK FUCKS! YOU SICK FUCKS!

SD: Yeah, what they said!

KK: What, is there pepper in one of the other things?

SD: There might be!

The salt particularly seems to be stinging Vortekz, as he slides to the outside and grabs a bottle of water. He dumps the water into his mouth, drinking down almost the entire contents of the clear liquid. Bailey sticks his head threw the ropes, perhaps checking on his opponent. Vortekz turns and flicks a lighter, spitting the contents of his mouth into the lighter and blowing a HUGE stream of fire right in Bailey’s face!

KK: (SCREAMS)

SD: That again?

KK: He KFC'd him!

SD: Oh, real funny. We're looking at facial burns and you crack a joke. Real mature, Kloss.

Bailey is burned! Vortekz into the ring, spitting with almost every step, trying to get the disgusting taste of rubbing alcohol out of his mouth. Bailey turns his back to Vortekz and Vortekz grabs him with a rear waist lock. Vortekz backs Bailey up and LAUNCHES him into the third corner with a German suplex. The light tubes explode and Bailey is showered with pool balls and light bulbs!

SD: Okay, who's the wise ass with the pool balls? I knew my table was missing a few this morning.

KK: And I think Bailey is in big trouble.

SD: That's fucking brilliant.

KK: Brought to us by Guinness?

SD: Quit selling out!

Vortekz grabs Bailey by the leg and drags him threw some of the broken glass, Bailey rolling awkwardly over the pool balls. Vortekz with a cover, but referee Michael Z points out that a pool ball is under Bailey, thus his shoulder is not on the mat.

SD: Wonder if that's the first time a guy has been thankful to have a ball touching him?

KK: Oh, for christ sakes.

SD: I know. Disturbing.

KK: You're despicable.

SD: Warner Brothers on line two for you, Kloss

Vortekz up to his feet and he jumps high in the air, nailing a double stomp on Bailey’s stomach. The pool balls SHOOTS from under Bailey, sailing right into the first row of the audience.

SD: We may have the dumbest fans in pro wrestling.

KK: How do you figure?

SD: Most fans get out of the way. Ours put themselves in the way.

KK: Okay, you have a point.

Vortekz is up. He grabs a light bulb and smashes it over Bailey’s face. Bailey with a stiff shot to the mid section. Bailey follows up with a kick to the mid section. Once more with a knee and Bailey seems in control. Bailey grabs Vortekz with a front face lock. He goes for a suplex, but Vortekz sand bags. Standing switch from Vortekz. Vortekz goes for a suplex of his own, but Bailey is able to stop him as well.

KK: This ends badly.

SD: Safe bet there, Sherlock. You're probably the tJype that bets red and black on Roulette.

KK: You're not allowed to do that.

SD: Yeah, you'd know.

Vortekz has lost his ring positioning and is facing towards the final trap. Bailey lifts him with a suplex and throws him right through the light tubes. Vortekz falls to the mat in the glass as the trap door opens, sending INJECTION NEEDLES sailing down! Several needles hit Vortekz and stick deep in, while others connect but don’t stay.

SD: FUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!

KK: Is there a doctor in the house?

SD: Fuck one. We need several. And a toasted cheese on wheat.

KK: Hungry?

SD: A little. Where's the Quizno's guy?

Both men are down, Vortekz shaking as the needles stand at attention on his chest. He quickly pulls each needle out carefully, small trickles of blood oozing from each hole that the needles leave. Bailey down for a cover, referee Michael Z down for a count at a safe distance, 1.…2.… VORTEKZ GETS HIS FOOT ON THE ROPES!

SD: Oh, no fucking way.

KK: Bailey doesn't move Scotty away from the ropes, and it costs him.

SD: How much can Scotty have left, though?

KK: Probably as little as JC probably does.

The crowd can’t believe it. Bailey is stunned as he gets back to his feet. He gathers Vortekz up. Vortekz has a needle in his hand and he STABS Bailey right in the stomach. Bailey backs off in agony as the needle hangs from his chest. Vortekz comes running in for a drop kick, but Bailey deflects him and Vortekz lands stomach and face first right back into the needles.

SD: This is disgusting!

KK: Fans, we knew it would be violent. I don't think any of us saw it being this violent.

SD: And to think, the winner wrestles again this Sunday!

KK: Actually, both men do.

SD: You dumb fucks!

Bailey in, loosely weaving his leg between Vortekz’. He grabs Vortekz for a modified Cravate and Vortekz quickly taps out, moreso from the pain of the needles than the submission hold. Bailey lets off of the submission hold immediately.

JH: Your winner of this match.. And STILL WCWA Death Match champion.. JC Bailey!!!

KK: And mercifully, this is over.

SD: I wonder though, why the cravate there from Bailey? Was that a shot at Chris Hero?

KK: I don't know.

SD: Helpful.

KK: These two men just about killed each other, and you're thinking of Chris Hero?

SD: Just saying.

“Living Dead Girl” by Rob Zombie begins to play over the P/A and JC gets back to his feet. Vortekz has rolled out of the ring and paramedics have rushed from the back to assist him in the removal of the needles from his chest. Referee Michael Z raises Bailey’s, but Bailey pulls away and requests a microphone. John House happily hands his up.

JC: Cut the music..

The crowd begins to chant “Bay-Lee, Bay-Lee” but JC shakes them off.

JC: Let’s hear it for the guy out there on the outside.. He’s one hardcore mother fucker.. Scott-EE! Scott-EE!

The crowd follows Bailey’s lead and cheers for Vortekz, who fights off the paramedics and raises his hands high above his head.

JC: Vortekz, you’re one hardcore mother fucker.. You’re one sick mother fucker.. You’re one tough mother fucker..

KK: I think JC Bailey just broke your record for use of the word “mother fucker” in a single minute, Shane..

SD: (grumbles incoherently)

JC: Scotty Vortekz.. You’re what hardcore is all about.. Drake Younger.. Your buddy just gave me everything he had.. And he has a hell of a lot more guts, a hell of a lot more heart, and a hell of a lot more determination than you will ever have.. And if he couldn’t take this Death Match title away from me.. There’s no chance you’ll get it this Sunday at HURT!

“Living Dead Girl” by Rob Zombie starts to play once more and JC exits the ring, heading up the ramp with Vortekz as we cut backstage.

Joel Gertner stands near a WCWA backdrop, Mickie Knuckles standing near him.

JG: Well, well, well.. It is I.. The lyrical miracle.. The sexual intellectual.. And now more than ever, the Quintessential Stud Muffin, Joel “I took the last train to Anaheim, and I met an eight teen year old at the station.. And I taught her all the joys of mutual masturbation, and later in the evening, when she was experiencing penetration, I swear this girl thought long and hard that she was suffering from constipation!” Gertner!

Mickie snatches away the microphone.

MK: That’s fucking cute Gertner. Fucking hog my interview time. Because of Gertner’s long winded introduction, I’ll keep my speech like his penis, short and bitter. LuFisto. Your time on this Earth is nearing it’s end. “The Missionary of Violence”.. What a joke.. LuFisto, this Sunday, I’ll show you who the original bad bitch is. You’re in for the fight of your life, cunt.

Mickie walks away, tossing the microphone back to Gertner. Gertner stands with the microphone in hand, as Kris Kloss cuts in with a voice over.

KK: We now send it to our WCWA Television champion, Beef Wellington.

Cut away to Beef Wellington backstage, with Allison Danger. Beef stands by a water cooler, pointing to a picture of himself.

BW: Hey, do you think he's sexy?

AD: Yeah, he's a good looking man, I suppose..

BW: Would you do him?

AD: What?

BW: Would you fuck him?

AD: Err, uhh...

BW: I'm going to fuck him tonight.

Danger sighs a bit, then walks away. Beef turns so he’s looking directly into the camera.

BW (shrugging): She must be a lesbo.

Chuckles from the crowd as Beef continues.

BW: Hello, I am Beef Wellington. WCWA Television champion, lover of cake, & perpetual class clown. I am here to talk to you today about drugs. Drugs are bad. Drugs make you fall down a lot, and look lame. Doing drugs makes you a retard. So don’t do drugs. Or you’ll look like Jannetty. Or no-show like RVD.

SD (cutting in): And that’s a shoot!

The crowd pipes in with laughter a bit as Beef continues.

BW: This Sunday night at HURT, I am facing Marty Jannetty. Again. The last time, I kicked him in the butt, stomped his butt, smacked his butt, and nearly raped his butt. So this Sunday at HURT, to say his ass is mine would be an under statement. But I promise I will not molest him. Michael Naka hoppy doppy crowza taught me all about unwanted sex and how it’s not a good thing. So this Sunday at HURT. It’s going to be a wrestle fest. I’m going to pull a Chris Hero card, and do all kinds of funky European chain wrestling…. ……naw, who am I kidding? I can’t wrestle! I punch people in the ass! If Jannetty figures it out, I’m screwed. …. DAMN IT, I TOLD HIM! I’M GOING TO LOSE THE BELT! Allison, please come back! Sympathy fuck!!!

Beef runs off into the distance as the camera cuts away, cutting to commercial break.

(commercial break)

As we come back from break, a vignette airs for the WCWA HURT Pay Per View. HURT is coming to you live on Pay Per View THIS SUNDAY! January 21st 2006 from the Freeman Coliseum in San Antonio, Texas. Call your local cable or satellite provider and order WCWA HURT by name!

As we come back live from commercial, the shot is on the announce table.

KK: HURT! live, this Sunday.. And what a card it is!

“Hurt” by Johnny Cash begins to play as the screen is filled with a graphic for HURT. On the left side of the screen, Eddie Kingston. On the right is Chris Hero. The middle is black.

KK: WCWA World Heavyweight title is on the line as Eddie Kingston and Chris Hero do battle with a third man.. This one will be three way elimination, with only one man walking away with the WCWA World Heavyweight title.

SD: It’s gonna be crazy, Kloss. Hero & Kingston want that title more than anything.. I’m sure the third man will be just as determined..

The graphic switches to one promoting Chuck Taylor versus Delirious, the words “International title match” underneath their pictures.

KK: WCWA International champion will be decided as Chuck Taylor does battle with Delirious!

SD: These two are the finalists in the tournament to crown a new champion after CM Punk left for the WWE. Taylor wants to make sure the title never actually leaves the Kings of Wrestling, while Delirious is looking to claim the title for himself.

The International title graphic fades off the screen, replaced by one with JC Bailey and Drake Younger, the words “WCWA Death Match title match: Barbed Wire Nets match” below the two men.

KK: Barbed wire nets match live tonight for the WCWA Death Match title as champion Too Hardcore for a Gimmick” JC Bailey defends against “Psycho Shooter” Drake Younger.

SD: The amount of hate between these two men is indescribable. Have you ever hated someone so much you wanted to throw them barefoot in thumbtacks? They’ve done it. Tonight, it’s nets of barbed wire around the ring.. Gorefest 101.

A graphic with Beef Wellington and Marty Jannetty appears on the screen, the words “WCWA Television title match” floating below them.

KK: WCWA Television title on the line as champion Beef Wellington defends against Marty Jannetty.

SD: Remember back in the 80s, when the star would come out and absolutely squash some jobber?

KK: Yeah?

SD: That’s exactly what this is.. All the fans can go get popcorn and a soda during this match, because nothing in it’s gonna be watch able..

A graphic appears on the screen with The Backseat Boys and the BLK Out, the words WCWA World Tag Team titles below them

KK: WCWA World Tag Team titles on the line as The Backseat Boys defend against BLK Out.

SD: Earlier tonight, BLK Out beat the North Star Express to earn this shot. When was the last time we seen the Backseat Boys in tag action?

KK: Uhh, I think it was A Fall From Grace..

SD: Exactly! They are going to be well rested, replenished, and ready to go, while the BLK Out have been wrestling all month, and just wrestled tonight..

A graphic with LuFisto and Mickie Knuckles is the next thing up on the screen.

KK: Special women’s grudge match as LuFisto does battle with Mickie Knuckles..

SD: We’ve seen Conquistadors, we’ve seen crazy bumps on chairs.. This one is going to be a fight..

This graphic fades out, replaced with one for Brain Damage versus Joker.

KK: Speaking of a fight, Brain Damage versus Joker..

SD: Fight hell, this is going to be a fucking war! Joker, from all accounts, is a legit badass.. They don’t call you the “Cambodian Axe Murderer” because you take care of sick children.. He murders Cambodians with an axe! Brain Damage, you better be ready..

Two graphics now appear on the screen, both for Ménage Et Trois first round matches..

KK: Ménage Et Trois starts tonight with two first round matches. In the first match, it will be Jack Evans defending the World Junior Heavyweight championship against The Hardcore Evil Ninja #2 and the debuting Ricochet.. In the second, it will be “Diehard” Dustin Lee battling it out with “Delicious” Darin Corbin and “Pure Dynamite” Billy Roc.

SD: An entire tournament of three way dances.. I like to think that I had something to do with this..

Cut back live to the arena, panning high over the crowd. The words “World Heavyweight title tournament” flash on the screen, along with a picture of the belt as we pan inwards to John House, standing center ring with a microphone in hand.

JH: The following match is scheduled for one fall with TV time remaining. It is a WCWA World Heavyweight title tournament match and it is your MAIN EVENT! It will be no disqualifications, no count out, falls count anywhere, there must be a winner!

Pan from House to the entrance way as the lights dim. “Prayer” by Disturbed and The Messiah makes his way through the curtain. He has a determined look on his face as he makes his way down the isle, sliding into the ring under the bottom rope as John House is just starting his introduction.

JH: First, from Detroit, Michigan, weighing in tonight at two hundred and ten pounds.. He is THE MESSIAH!

Messiah requests the microphone, to which House hands it off.

Messiah: Tonight was supposed to be the in ring debut of “Mr. Monday Night” Rob Van Dam. But just like back in the day, when it was XPW versus ECW.. RVD is a fucking pussy the dodges me! I say this sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, and I think I speak for everyone in WCWA, Half Life Media, Extreme Entertainment Inc, and every other fucking person associated with us when I say, FUCK YOU, YOU OVER RATED PIECE OF PAUL HEYMAN DICK LICKING DOG SHIT! YOU COULDN’T WRESTLE A GOOD MATCH IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT IF JERRY LYNN WASN’T ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RING! ROT IN HELL COCKSUCKER!

The crowd goes crazy with cheers, then breaks out with a “Mess-I-Ah, Mess-I-Ah!” chant.

KK: Seriously Will, tell us how you really feel.

SD: That, my friend was a shoot.

KK: I can't be an XPW guy mentioned Paul Heyman by name.

SD: Yeah, because Messiah and Rob Black have such a great relationship.

KK: I heard they thumb war'd all the time.

SD: I think Messiah was playing with Lizzy.

KK: Which explains the aforementioned thumb wars!

SD: I’m really surprised none of that got bleeped..

KK: I don’t think we’re on air any more! I think we got booted off the air with the first “fucking pussy”!

SD: Only WCWA could manage to get booted off HBO..

Messiah: So now that we know RVD is the biggest vagina since Lizzy Borden..

SD: SHOOOOOOOOOOT!

KK: It’s like a hot dog down a hallway!

SD: And somewhere, one of our old referees is beyond pissed off.

KK: Who?

SD: We aren't allowed to mention him by name

Messiah: An interesting question is brought up.. Who am I facing tonight? Personally, I don’t think it matters.. Whoever walks through that curtain will be crucified and tied out for dead for their sins. I am the original fallen angel.. I am the son of God.. I am The Messiah..

Messiah drops the microphone to the mat and the camera turns out of the ring, doing a slow pan up the entrance way. The lights come to a dim.. “Living After Midnight” by Judas Priest begins to play over the P/A system and Marty Jannetty runs through the curtain to a shower of boos from the crowd.

JH: And his opponent.. From Clearwater, Florida, weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty six pounds and a felony’s worth, he is “The Midnight Rocker” Marty Jannetty!

SD: You're kidding, right?

KK: Well, Jannetty's been here a long time.

SD: Not counting his incarcerations, I guess.

KK: See, I expected a better joke.

SD: I'm as smacked up as he is tonight.

KK: Good thing we don't drug test.

SD: You're telling me. Half the roster would be fired.

Jannetty slides into the ring and runs right into a punch from Messiah. The bell sounds and this WCWA World Heavyweight title tournament match is under way.

SD: That seem planned?

KK: What are you talking about?

SD: The short distance between his entrance and the bell ringing.

KK: Well, that's how it works.

SD: It's almost like we're meant to say something here.

KK: You don't want to?

SD: Not really.

KK: Then don't.

SD: Fine. I won't.

Jannetty up. Messiah grabs him and launches him into the ropes. Jannetty back and Messiah catches him in a fireman’s carry position. Messiah spins it and drops Jannetty with a stunner.

KK: GODSMACK!

SD: That was quick. I mean, I didn't think that Jannetty would last long.

KK: There is a joke there I won't make.

SD: He went down quick. The joke makes itself.

Jannetty is out on the mat after the Godsmack. Messiah with a cover, senior referee Jason Verdoes slides into position, 1.…2.…3!

JH: Your winner of this match.. And the final entrant into the three way dance at HURT.. THE MESSIAH!

“Prayer” by Disturbed begins to play over the P/A system, but Messiah’s having none of it. He requests the microphone.

Messiah: This is a joke. This has got to be a fucking joke. Hero beat Necro Butcher. Kingston got Sabu.. And I got Marty FUCKING Jannetty? Hell even you (pointing to Jason Verdoes) have beat Jannetty! Give me a real fucking opponent, shot’s still on the line..

Messiah hands off the microphone and kicks Jannetty again, rolling him out of the ring. The lights black out and the camera pans to the entrance way. “For Those About to Rock” by AC/DC begins to play. The intro to the song completes and Billy Roc comes running out onto the stage, all fired up. The crowd gives Billy Roc a similar showering of boos, despite him being a baby face.

JH: Making his way to the ring, from Lafayette, Indiana, weighing in tonight at one hundred and seventy five pounds, he is “Pure Dynamite” Billy ROC!

KK: Is this the wisest choice of moves from Messiah? He's in the three way!

SD: He wants a challenge.

KK: And it's coming from Billy Roc?

SD: Heh, he just said he wanted another match. Don't ask me.

Billy Roc discards his entrance jacket on the way to the ring. He runs up the steps and climbs the turnbuckle, coming diving off with a cross body. Roc catches Messiah with the cross body block and Messiah goes down. Billy Roc goes to the ropes pointing to the hard camera for a flash in the pan. Messiah is immediately back up.

KK: Billy...Messiah's up.

SD: I think he'll find out.

KK: Safe bet there, Shane.

Messiah from behind Billy Roc with a neck breaker and climbs aboard for mounted punches. Roc is able to slide out from Messiah, working his way to his feet. Roc tries to take a swing at Messiah, but Messiah catches the hand. Messiah gets his head under Roc’s arm. He has Roc in a torture rack position, the wrist still clasped. Messiah turns it over and drops Roc right on his head.

KK: And I think Billy Roc just suffered a "Fall From Grace".

SD: I think Billy Roc got dropped on his God damn head!

KK: Well, there's that too, yes.

SD: Count it, ref.

Messiah with a cover, referee Jason Verdoes into position, 1.…2.…3!

KK: And count it he does. Messiah's back in the three way at HURT.

SD: Um, I don't think he's done, Kris.

KK: Oh, for crying out loud...

“Prayer” by Disturbed begins to play over the P/A system, but Messiah’s not done. He demands the microphone.

Messiah: Who the FUCK deemed Billy Roc one of the top six contenders to the World Heavyweight title? Is this some sort of sick inside joke?

SD: Couldn’t have been!

KK: And this WCWA shout out is brought to you by AT&T. With AT&T’s new mobile to mobile plan, you can call unlimited wireless calls within the AT&T network. WCWA wishes to send a shout of to Anthony from New Jersey.

SD: Quit selling out!

Messiah: I want some real competition.. Right FUCKING now!

The lights dim. The camera pans up the entrance way for the fourth time in this match.. “El Phantasmo” by White Zombie begins to play over the P/A system. The crowd begins to create a commotion, and through the curtain steps Lance Strom. The crowd goes absolutely NUTS!

SD: To steal a line...

KK: Don't do it.

SD: OH MY GAWD!

KK: I told you not to do it.

SD: Shut the hell up.

Storm is in his ring gear and ready to wrestle.

JH: And his opponent, from CALGARY, ALBERTA CANADA, weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty eight.. This is Lance STORM!!!

Lance Storm makes his way to the ring, entering under the bottom rope. The Messiah meets him with a series of rights and lefts. Messiah sends Storm into the ropes, but Storm comes flying back with a flying forearm, and The Messiah slides out of the ring. Lance Storm requests a microphone.

KK: Who would have ever thought we’d see Lance Storm in WCWA?

SD: Last I seen him, he was a hip hop dancer with a giant penis. How he’d end up here is my wildest guess, but I reckon it probably has to do with Beef Wellington in some way.

KK: Oh, really? How so?

SD: When I figure it out, I'll let you.

KK: Meanwhile, I think we're about to get words from Lance.

Lance gets a microphone.

LS: If I could be serious for a moment..

The crowd pops HUGE!

SD: We're actually going to let him be serious?

KK: First time for everything, Shane.

SD: Listen, booker man, if you have a soul, PLEASE book Storm-Beef! I will pay to commentate that!

LS: Messiah.. I understand that you are looking for a credible opponent.. You’re looking for someone with the name caliber of Sabu.. I’ve defeated Sabu for the ECW Tag Team title. I am a former WCW United States, Cruiserweight, and Hardcore champion..

KK: At the same time!

SD: But Russo was booking, so it really doesn't count. Belts are just props.

LS: And I am a true athlete. I came from the Hart Family Dungeons in Calgary, Alberta Canada.

A pause as the crowd pops huge again, this time breaking out into a “Lance! Lance! Lance!” chant.

SD: There's more than one dungeon?

KK: Stop. He's trying to be serious!

LS: Messiah, tonight is your lucky night. Tonight is the night of the resurrection of Lance Storm.

The crowd cheers huge as Messiah re-enters the ring.

KK: Folks, we’re going to take our last commercial break.. When we return, you will see The Messiah against LANCE STORM, for the final spot in the World Heavyweight title tournament..

SD: Hell has officially frozen over.

KK: We’ll be back!

(commercial break)

As we come back from commercial break, the crowd is still cheering rabidly.

KK: Folks, during the span of that three minute commercial break.. These fans have not stopped or even slowed down..

SD: It’s nuts! Why didn’t they cheer for me like this??

KK: You weren’t serious enough

SD: Fuck you!

The bell sounds and this match is finally under way. Storm calls for a lock up. Messiah obliges and Storm quickly works it into a double knuckle lock. Messiah is able to free one arm, Storm turning it into an arm bar with the other. Messiah with a hip toss attempt, but Storm lands on his feet, arm bar still locked on. Storm with a hip toss attempt of his own and Messiah is down.

KK: And now Storm outclassing Messiah.

SD: If Messiah has any chance of winning this, he can't go hold for hold with Lance. He has to find something to use to his advantage, or Lance will destroy him.

KK: Much like the dominating start we've seen.

SD: It's been three moves, Kris. Calm down.

Storm comes running in for an elbow drop attempt, but Messiah rolls out of the way and back to his feet. Messiah with an elbow drop attempt but Storm nips up. Storm with a leg drop attempt but he lands flat. Messiah with a rear face lock on Storm. Storm gets his legs up and small hurricanrana’s Messiah over. Messiah back to his feet, Storm meets him there, both men get their hands up and the crowd claps in appreciation.

KK: It's your favorite spot, Shane.

SD: Let me get this straight...

KK: Feel free.

SD: Lance Storm has spent the vast majority of his career in either SMW, ECW, WCW, or WWF/E, correct?

KK: Yes.

SD: And yet, he feels the need to use an indy applause stance?

KK: Maybe he just wanted to be applauded, instead of being called 'boring'?

SD: But he is!

KK: Besides the point.

Messiah comes running at Storm, Storm directs him through to the far ropes. Messiah comes running back and Storm leap frogs over. Messiah into the near ropes and back, Storm with a drop down. Messiah hops over but pauses. Storm up to his feet and Messiah catches him with a rear waist lock. Storm elbows out of it into a standing switch, taking Messiah into a lock of his own. Storm with a double leg take down and a float over, and he gives Messiah a clean break.

SD: I am telling you, Messiah. Don't try to screw around with Lance on the mat!

KK: He could end up out of that triple threat as quickly as he got into it.

SD: Should've just taken the win against Jannetty.

KK: Eh, it's Jannetty. The Billy Roc win would have been fine.

Messiah up to his feet, slowly. Storm comes running in and sunset flips Messiah, Messiah is struggling not to be taken over, but eventually is. Referee Jason Verdoes slides into position, but counts one just as Messiah’s shoulders are coming off of the mat. Messiah up and he grabs Storm in a side headlock before Storm can get up. Storm wiggles out of it, now standing behind Messiah. Messiah turns around and Storm DRILLS him with a super kick.

SD: Jesus Christ!

KK: No, that was Messiah getting hit there.

SD: Oh, shut up.

KK: Well, it was.

SD: I said shut up.

Messiah crumbles to the mat following the super kick and Storm follows up going for a cover, 1.…2.… kick out at two from The Messiah. Storm is back to his feet and protesting to Jason Verdoes, calling a slow count. Messiah is able to recover and he comes from behind Storm, hooking him up and immediately getting him in the torture rack position.

KK: Looks like Storm may take a "Fall From Grace" here.

SD: How? He just got here!

KK: And they called you a "Dean".

SD: Yeah, "they" weren't real bright either.

Storm wiggles out of it into a go behind waist lock. Storm with a Russian leg sweep. He scoots across the mat so his legs were pointing towards Messiah’s, then works his way up to a vertical base. He’s going for the half crab, but Messiah is able to get to the ropes.

SD: Okay, see that is where Lance's reputation proceeds him.

KK: How so?

SD: Messiah knew that Storm was going for his "Maple Leaf" submission finisher, and knew he had to get the ropes there.

KK: As opposed to a normal one where he'd just lay there?

SD: Oh, bite me.

KK: Pass. Thanks.

Messiah gets up to his feet with the help of the ropes. Storm comes running at Messiah and Messiah gets up underneath him, tossing him up and over the top rope with a back body drop. Storm sails over the top and to the outside, landing hard on the arena floor. Storm is slow to get to his feet, Messiah goes to the top rope. Storm finally up and Messiah dives off. He’s going for a cross body off the top rope, but Storm side steps and Messiah crashes and burns on the arena floor.

KK: And that gets returned to sender.

SD: More of a splat then a send there, Kris.

KK: Thank you, Mr. Obvious.

SD: That reference brought to you by your friends at the Bob and Tom show. Syndicated nationally.

KK: And I'm the one selling out...

Storm is right on top of Messiah, grabbing him by the head for a quick smack off the arena mats. Storm climbs to the ring apron. He prepares for a double ax handle off the ring apron, Messiah is to his feet slowly and groggily. Storm comes running off the apron with his arms up, but Messiah catches him right in the mid section with a punch and Storm does a hard rolling fall.

SD: And quickly Messiah turns the tables.

KK: But how good are his ribs?

SD: Um, not very, I'd guess. Seeing as that was a total crash and burn. But what do I know?

KK: Really. What do you know?

SD: Fuck off, Kloss.

Messiah over to the time keeper’s table and he grabs a steel chair. Storm up slowly. He turns to Messiah and Messiah drills him right between the eyes with the steel chair. Storm goes down, Messiah holds the chair above his head, now a skull-like dent right in the middle of the seat.

SD: I am curious as to how Lance would throw a chair shot here.

KK: Why's that?

SD: Have you seen Barely Legal '97?

KK: I have not.

SD: Well, Lance threw the weakest chair shot in human history. Just curious, after a dent-maker like that, if he'd step his game up.

KK: I see.

Messiah tosses the chair into the ring before going back after Storm. Messiah with a single arm lock on Storm and pulls it into a whip, sending Storm sailing back first into the ring apron with a mighty thud.

KK: And now Messiah sends Storm into the apron!

SD: Messiah's going after Storm's injured back. Remember Kris, people thought Lance's career was over because of a back injury, and now Messiah's exploiting that injury.

KK: Probably doesn't help any that our aprons have no padding either.

SD: I'm guessing not.

Storm doubles over at the ring apron, Messiah comes running in with a diving clothesline, sliding right back in under the bottom rope and following all the way through with the clothesline. Messiah back to his feet and Storm is hurting on the outside.

KK: Unique use of the ropes there by Messiah.

SD: He's adjusting his offence. He knows Storm is a student of the game, so he is trying to find ways to keep Lance off balance. A lot of people have pegged Messiah as just a "garbage wrestler", but he's also proven he can wrestle when he needs to.

KK: There's a Lizzy joke here.

SD: That neither of us is taking...

Storm slow to his feet, finally up on the ring apron, where Messiah catches him, grabbing him for a suplex. Storm fights him off and runs him down the apron, sending him right into the turnbuckle. Messiah stumbles to the center of the ring, Storm scales the buckles in the corner. Messiah turns around and Storm dives off the top, nailing a picture perfect missile drop kick on the Messiah. Storm starts to go for a cover, but stops himself.

SD: And now, Storm back in control.

KK: Notice how quickly the momentum has been changing?

SD: It's almost like this is planned.

KK: Oh, shush!

SD: Well, it does!

Storm up to his feet, his lower back still hurting him. He grabs Messiah by the head, but Messiah catches the chair that he threw in, jabbing Storm in the mid section with the top of the chair. Storm doubles over, bending so his back is sticking in the air. Messiah takes this as an advantage to drill Storm with the chair, assaulting the already injured lower back with the seating device.

KK: And just as quickly, Messiah goes to the back.

SD: Perhaps Storm should have eased himself in WCWA competition.

KK: Well, Storm is an athlete. He wants to test himself.

SD: Yeah, it's not going so well right now, is it?

KK: Not really.

SD: Hence my point.

Storm down to one knee. Messiah folds the chair up and leans it against Storm’s head. Messiah into the far ropes. He comes back, getting set to do something into the chair, but Storm has since recovered and has the chair in hand, clobbering Messiah right between the eyes with the chair.

SD: Okay, that was not as weak as expected.

KK: I'd say not. He just put the hardcore expert on his ass!

SD: You know the irony?

KK: What's that?

SD: That the name originally scheduled to face Messiah was the one Storm hit with the weak chair shot at Barely Legal.

KK: It comes full circle.

SD: Indeed it does.

Storm is at Messiah’s legs and he’s calling for the half crab. The crowd goes wild, Storm’s about to advance to the World Heavyweight title match.

KK: Storm is at Messiah's legs..

SD: He's calling for the half crab!

KK: The crowd is going wild!

SD: Storm is about to advance to the World Heavyweight title match!

KK: ........!

SD: It's like I've seen this before somewhere.

KK: Likewise.

Storm takes a moment to soak in the crowd’s admiration and it costs him, Messiah rolls him up in a small package. Referee Jason Verdoes is slightly out of position, a slide in, 1.…2.…. Kick out from Storm at two and a half.

SD: Ref's position cost Messiah there. That was three.

KK: Well, it's not like he knew Messiah was going to counter.

SD: Still, they are paid to be on top of things.

KK: Ha! You assume we pay our refs. Why do you think so many of them have left?

Both men back to their feet slowly. Storm grabs the chair and is about to lay into Messiah, but Messiah clotheslines the chair, smashing it right into Storm’s face. Storm goes down to the mat, Messiah comes at him. Messiah puts a knee into the back of Storm, grabbing in a chin lock and pulling backwards. Storm screams in agony.

SD: You have to give Messiah credit.

KK: Why's that?

SD: He's staying on the back. He knows that if he's going to win, that is the weakness he needs to exploit.

Storm is hurting, The Messiah has his knee in Storm’s injured back, also twisting away at the head. Storm is struggling to get to the ropes, reaching, but he’s far off. All of Messiah’s weight is pushing into the injured back.

SD: It looks like Storm can’t reach the ropes!

KK: Is Messiah going to make the Canadian Technician tap out to a chin lock?

SD: It's more of a knee in the injured back, with added force from the chinlock.

KK: It’s still a chin lock..

Storm is screaming in pain, trying valiantly to get to the ropes, but he’s still far off and all his crawling hasn’t gotten him that close. Finally, seeing how far the ropes still are off, and not being able to take the pain any more, Lance Storm taps out.

KK: And sure enough, Messiah makes Lance Storm tap out.

SD: That has to be considered an upset.

KK: And a huge one at that.

The bell sounds and Messiah immediately lets off the hold. Messiah up to his feet, his hand raised by Referee Jason Verdoes.

JH: Your winner of this match, and advancing to the World Heavyweight title match at HURT… THE MESSIAH!!

“Prayer” by Disturbed begins to play over the P/A system as Lance Storm slowly gets back to his feet. Verdoes has Messiah’s hand raised, facing away from Storm. Storm comes from behind them and JERKS Messiah’s hand down. “Prayer” cuts off and the crowd begins to murmur.

SD: Any other challenges you want to toss out, moron?

KK: I think Lance has something to say here, Shane

SD: And here I was hoping we'd see Barry Darsow return to WCWA..

KK: Knock it off. If anything, Rob Van Dam could still show his face.

SD: Cold day in hell, Kris. Cold day in hell.

Messiah seems confused. Storm extends his hand. Messiah embraces him, the hand shake leading to Storm raising Messiah’s hand high in the air as “Prayer” restarts.

KK: A sign of respect here in WCWA, as Lance Storm shakes Messiah's hand.

SD: Storm realized that Messiah beat him technically, despite both men using a chair during the match.

KK: And so your main event for HURT is set. Messiah, Eddie Kingston, and Chris Hero will meet, with the winner taking the currently vacant WCWA Heavyweight champion. And the next time we see you will be at HURT. For Joel Gertner, Shane Douglas...

SD: And Marty Jannetty's crabs...

KK: Lovely...I'm Kris Kloss, saying good night and we'll see you on the WCWA return to pay-per-view this Sunday!

© 2006/2008 WCWA, Half Life Media, & Extreme Entertainment Inc. All Rights Reserved

 

[realslimshady4545]

WCWA HURT
Live from the Hammerstein Ballroom in the heart of New York City
Saturday, January 21st 2006

Official theme song: "Hurt" by Johnny Cash

MAIN EVENT
Finals of the WCWA Heavyweight title tournament
WCWA World Heavyweight title match
All parties banned from ringside
Three Way Elimination Match

Chris Hero
versus
Eddie Kingston
versus
The Messiah
Following the immediate and unexpected release of WCWA World Heavyweight champion Spanky at the relaunch of WCWA, as well as undisputed number one contender Samoa Joe, AND the previous number one contender Chris Jericho AS WELL AS the last champion in Kurt Angle.. WCWA was in a hell of a predicament. The World Heavyweight title scene was essentially flushed. Other top contenders for the title included Jay Reso, who also left the company. You’d think the guy booking this stuff would have a better handle on things.. On the second edition of Synthetic, a tournament was set in motion to determine the contenders for the World Heavyweight title. The top six contenders were determined, and those six men were paired into three one on one matches. The winners of those three matches advanced on to this three way dance at HURT. In the first match, Chris Hero defeated The Necro Butcher in a match that set the stage for the rest of the tournament, no disqualifications and no count out. In the second week of the tournament, on the third episode of Synthetic, Eddie Kingston pulled off a shocking upset, defeating the one "national name talent" in the tournament in former Extreme Championship Wrestling Heavyweight champion, and ally of Chris Hero in the Kings of Wrestling, Sabu. Following Kingston's win, amidst a sea of Kings of Wrestling personalities and BLK Out colleges, Hero and Kingston had their first face off, center ring. The Messiah drew the most shocking "qualifying round" of anyone, defeating Lance Storm center ring, with a submission! This match has all the makings to be one for the ages.. And it will determine the brand new WCWA World Heavyweight champion. In late breaking news, WCWA owner Dave Lenker has passed down the ruling that all parties, be it BLK Out, Kings of Wrestling, or friends of The Messiah, will be banned from ringside, keeping this match exclusively to the combatants actually involved in the contest.


Finals of the WCWA International Title Tournament
WCWA International title match

Delirious
versus
Chuck Taylor
Likewise to the WCWA World Heavyweight title, the International title was also vacated, when CM Punk was signed to a contract with the World Wrestling Entertainment. While we here in WCWA know he’ll never do anything in the WWE beyond jobbing on Heat, we had no choice but to remove him of the International championship. At the Wargames Pay Per View, it was a fifteen man battle royal that determined the number one contender to Punk’s championship, and SeXXXy Eddy falling in defeat. At the A Fall From Grace Pay Per View, WCWA owner Dave Lenker brought in a hired gun in professional wrestling legend Abdullah the Butcher to try to get the championship away from Punk.. But again, Punk walked away with the title. In the end, Punk simply had to be stripped of the title. On the debut edition of Synthetic, a tournament began to crown a brand new International champion. In the opening rounds, Chuck Taylor defeated Diehard Dustin Lee, “Spyder” Nate Webb defeated Chrisjen Hayme, Trent Acid defeated Beef Wellington, and Delirious defeated Jimmy Jacobs. In the second round, it was Taylor defeating Acid and Delirious besting Webb. Now, with only two men left in the tournament, they will face off to crown the new WCWA International champion. Will it be “Sexy” Chuck Taylor and his hate for children or “The Lizard Man” Delirious and his incoherent babbling? Only time will tell.


WCWA Death Match Title Match
Barbed Wire Nets Death Match

JC Bailey ©
versus
Drake Younger
At the A Fall From Grace Pay Per View, Drake Younger came short of capturing the WCWA Death Match championship in a BARBARIC Barefoot Thumbtacks Ladder Match, a match that saw both men barefoot and falling in thumbtacks as such several times. In the end, it was Bailey who left A Fall From Grace with the Death Match title in hand, a fact that absolutely sickened Younger. In the weeks leading into A Fall From Grace, Younger aligned himself with the Kings of Wrestling stable and committed himself to destroying hardcore wrestling from the inside and forever ridding it from WCWA. Younger promised to destroy the WCWA Death Match championship once he won it at A Fall From Grace. One has to assume that Younger has the same plans should he win at HURT. The ante has been upped for HURT, as these two barbarians will do battle in a first time ever match up in WCWA, a barbed wire nets match. Nets of woven barbed wire will sit around ringside, ready to rip apart, maim, and mangle whoever lands in them. This match has the potential to steal the show with a death defying performance like no other!


WCWA World Television Title Match

Beef Wellington ©
versus
Marty Jannetty
One could say that Marty Jannetty did not deserve the initial shot he received at the WCWA World Television title at the A Fall From Grace Pay Per View. Jannetty has been with the company since the VERY beginning, appearing on the second ever television episode of WCWA Titans, within the first month of the company’s existence. In the time that Jannetty has been with WCWA, he has been beaten by women, announcers, women announcers, referees and has been mauled, beating, mangled, and jobbed out in every way imaginable. He’s been beaten by a who’s who of professional wrestling. From the Bret Harts, to the Shawn Michaels, to the Shane Douglas, all the way to the Brandon Prophets and Barry Darsows of professional wrestling.. They all have one thing in common.. They’ve all beat Jannetty in WCWA. So why is he receiving a title shot, much less a title rematch? When asked for comment, Wellington proclaimed “I don’t get paid to work hard. I barely get paid.”. We’ll accept that answer.


WCWA World Tag Team titles match
Ladder Match

The Backseat Boys © w/ Jim Cornette
versus
BLK Out
The Backseat Boys and the WCWA Tag Team titles have gone hand and hand for almost a year now. The Backseat Boys defeated Elix Skipper and Christopher Daniels for the titles and have reigned on top of the Tag Team division since then. In their time as champions, they’ve beaten, battered, and banged their opposition to the point there WAS NO opponents left. The Backseat Boys grew to such prosperity that one manager wasn’t enough for them. They needed two. And thus they brought in the legendary manager of tag team golden pairs.. Jim Cornette. In time, Danger seen the writing on the walls, eventually leaving the duo. Danger herself challenged for the Tag Team titles, teaming with the Necro Butcher in a losing effort at A Fall From Grace. Now, The BLK Out finally has the chance to shut up the Backseat Boys for good, with Allison Danger in their corner. To up the stakes about ten feet, this match has been made a ladder match! Will the BLK Out capture the gold or become just another notch on their Tag team belts.


Women's Grudge Match

LuFisto
versus
Mickie Knuckles
Mickie Knuckles entered the WCWA quickly and with an impact, immediately attacking LuFisto. When WCWA management didn’t immediately confront the issues between the two girls, Knuckles took it into her own hands, donning the hood as a member of Los Conquistadors (affectionately deemed “Conquistador Los Chi Chi’s by Shane Douglas) and entered herself in the Junior Heavyweight battle royal, brawling with LuFisto the entire time and eventually eliminating “The Queen of Hardcore”. In the coming weeks, Knuckles revealed the reasoning for her deep seated hatred for LuFisto, all laying in the tag name of the “Queen of Hardcore”. Knuckles took great exception to LuFisto assuming the role and looks to dethrone LuFisto of her crown forever at HURT.


Steel Cage match
Joey Eastman will be handcuffed to Allison Danger at ringside

Brain Damage
versus
Joker
Brain Damage has been arguably the most dominating, destructive force in WCWA to date. A glance at his win-loss record won’t tell a story.. But the tale that the tapes show when you watch the wars he’s had are more than enough to back up what Brain Damage says.. His match with the Necro Butcher at King of the Death Matches was deemed by and far the SICKEST match of the tournament. Following an outright war with Samoa Joe at A Fall From Grace that left referees, time keepers, Arsenal, and camera men in the broken path, Brain Damage seemed unstoppable. He even went as far as destroying BLK Out as a stable.. And perhaps this is where the line was crossed. In his beating on BLK Out, he delivered a deadly package piledriver off the ring apron through a table to BLK Out manager Allison Danger.. Something so vile that someone rarely seen in WCWA, the muscle of BLK Out, Joker, reappeared. Joker, a decorated military man who has had multiple tours of Iraq, seen his soldiers die at the hands of this Terminator, and was ready for war that week on Synthetic. Since then, Joker has been deep in training, preparing himself for the war that is sure to come with Brain Damage at HURT. To end the battle once and for all, WCWA management has declared that this match will be fought inside of a fifteen foot high steel cage, with managers Joey Eastman and Allison Danger handcuffed together at ringside.


WCWA Menage Et Trois Tournament First Round Match
WCWA Junior Heavyweight title match
Jack Evans ©
versus
Hardcore Evil Ninja #2
versus
Ricochet
The first Menage Et Trois tournament match, Jack Evans does as he will do through the tournament, defending the Junior Heavyweight title. Should Evans lose this match, he will lose the Junior Heavyweight title. All the matches in the Menage Et Trois tournament are one fall to a finish, meaning Evans could lose the title without even being involved in the fall. If Evans loses the title, the winner of the fall will continue to defend the title all the way through the finals. At HURT, Evans faces a big challenge, as he faces the Hardcore Evil Ninja #2. Hardcore Evil Ninja #2 is the more hardcore and more evil of the two Hardcore Evil Ninjas. Supposedly so hardcore and evil that he MAY have killed Hardcore Evil Ninja #1. Also in the match is Ricochet, who will be making his WCWA debut. It could be one hell of an accomplishment for Ricochet to win the Junior Heavyweight title in his debut. Who will survive??


WCWA Menage Et Trois Tournament First Round Match
“Diehard” Dustin Lee
versus
"Delicious" Darin Corbin
versus
"Pure Dynamite" Billy Roc
In another first round match in the Menage Et Trois tournament, three participants look to advance to the second round. Three enter, but only one will advance in this one fall to a finish first round tournament match. It will be "Diehard" Dustin Lee doing battle with "Pure Dynamite" Billy Roc and "Delicious" Darin Corbin. Only one man will advance in this battle of three men with cool aliases.

Plus, for the first time ever, WCWA will present a special one hour pre-show for HURT on the HBO network. This special will feature a total of two more matches, in addition to the Pay Per View portion of the card.

Pre-Show Match
The Necro Butcher
versus
"Ravishing" Ryan Cruz
Following the giant pull apart brawl on Synthetic between The Necro Butcher & Joey Eastman Worldwide member Brain Damage, Necro came looking for revenge on any and all JEWs. Unfortunately, most JEWs booked ahead of time and are occupied, except Ryan Cruz. In the final hour before HURT, it will be the Necro Butcher battling Ryan Cruz..

Pre-Show Match
Michael Nakazawa & SeXXXy Eddy
versus
Arsenal & Chris Mordetzki
On the last episode of Synthetic, "The Masterpiece" Chris Mordetzki made his shocking appearance, attacking Joel Gertner and revealing himself as the hired guns for Arsenal, who is long tired of being a laughing stock. Considering Nakazawa and Eddy quite enjoy being a laughing stock, this one should be quite interesting. With the new point system in play, this tag team encounter could definately be a jump start for one team towards a tag team titles shot, as neither team has any points.

 

[realslimshady4545]

The following were released over the course of about 3 months, to hype HURT.

_______________

Joey Eastman has issued the following statement to WCWABlogs.com, in regards to his client, Ryan Cruz.

Camer... Internet nerds... ZOOM! Ryan Cruz goes into the fight of his life at HURT, against the Necro Butcher. Ryan Cruz is not afraid of the Necro Butcher. The Necro Butcher is a garbage brawler, while Ryan Cruz is a well tuned professional wrestler. This Sunday at HURT, Ryan Cruz will prove to the world that he is the definition of JEW, and will put Joey Eastman Worldwide on the map by battering that barefoot blubberbrains hillbilly The Necro Butcher. You are dismissed.


______________________

PWInsider.com is reporting that professional wrestling legend The Iron Sheik WILL be in attendance at the HURT Pay Per View, backstage as a spectator. What role, if any, the Sheik will have on the Pay Per View is still unknown.

______________________

WCWAblogs.com has released the following statement from Beef Wellington, concerning his match at HURT.

Hello wrestling fans and internet pornography viewers alike, it is I, your WCWA Television champion and NUMBER ONE CONTENDER to the World title, even though there is no world champion, Beef Wellington. Today, I’m here to talk to you about sexually transmitted diseases.. Sometimes when.. What? I’m not here to talk about STDs? I’m supposed to be talking about Marty Jannetty? Well, herpes is a little bit more fun than Jannetty..

______________________

WCWA management, in a last minute decision, has turned the Brain Damage versus Joker match into a Steel Cage match up. This decision has been made to keep outside interferance from Joey Eastman Worldwide and BLK Out out of this match, and to ensure there WILL be a winner. WCWAblogs.com is franticly trying to reach the participants involved in vein.

______________________

WCWABlogs.com has released the following statement from The Messiah, concerning the HURT main event.

"If you don't have anything to die for, you shouldn't be living" quote Cory Miller. Do I have something to be living for, to be fighting for.. The son of God in the WCWA has a once of a lifetime opportunity this Sunday night, live on Pay Per View, to make history and to capture the World Championship Wrestling Alliance World Heavyweight championship, a title that in my two and a half years in this company, I've never received a single shot at. Now, in my first shot, in the main event of HURT.. It's do or die. This is my one big shot. Perhaps my last shot. My only shot. Eddie Kingston.. Chris Hero.. You can both talk about how this is everything you've ever wanted.. How this is your destiny.. I don’t believe in destinies.. And sometimes, a lot of times.. You can’t get what you want.. This Sunday, at HURT.. This is the climax of the story that is The Messiah. This is it, boys. I don’t want this.. I NEED this.. If you plan to take this away from me.. You’ll have to kill me and hang me from the cross to rot, because that’s what it will take to stop me.. This isn’t catch phrases, gang warfare, any of that stuff.. This is the closing of one book, and the opening of another. The first chapter in the story of the book of The Messiah: Champion.

______________________

Eddie Kingston released the following statement to WCWABlogs.com, in regards to the HURT World Title main event. Viewer discretion is advised.

"If you don’t have anything to live for, you shouldn’t be living.. Messiah, this Sunday.. I plan to correct that problem for you.

I guess you mother fuckers just don’t get it.. I drill it into your heads, but you just don’t get it. This ain’t a gimmick, this ain’t “test my gangsta”. This is my life. This is shoot. This is Eddie Kingston. What you see is what you get..

This Sunday.. HURT.. This is it.. all that gimmicks.. Try me.. I grew up on the streets.. I got hit by bats and ran down with cars, because I was a fucking prick.. Wrestling is the only thing that’s ever saved me in my life.. And you take that away.. *laughs* well.. I really don’t know what would happen.. Holla. Kingston out."

______________________

 

[realslimshady4545]

The show starts with a small Pay Per View warning, saying that while this show is Free For All to view, it is NOT free to be recorded, rebroadcast, redistributed in any way, without express written consent from WCWA, Half Life Media, and Extreme Entertainment Inc.

From here, a montage begins to play.

I hurt myself today [A still of Eddie Kingston, bloodied from the King of the Death Matches]
To see if I still feel [Cuts into a still of Chris Hero screaming in pain]
I focus on the pain [A brief black and white clip of the WCWA World Heavyweight title being raised up]
The only thing that's real [Fades to Eddie Kingston face to face with Chris Hero]
The needle tears a hole [A black and white Polaroid picture of CM Punk holding the WCWA International title appears on the screen]
The old familiar sting [Which fades into a quick clip of Chuck Taylor hitting the Sole Food]
Try to kill it all away [And splices into Delirious running around the ring in a panic]
But I remember everything [Another still, this time of the International title]

What have I become [A black and white clip of JC Bailey soaked in blood appears]
My sweetest friend [Which fades to Drake Younger dropping Arsenal on the ring steps with a Vertebreaker]
Everyone I know goes away [A still of “Sick” Nick Mondo holding the Death match title appears]
In the end [Which fades to JC Bailey and Drake Younger falling barefoot into thumbtacks]
And you could have it all [A still of the Backseat Boys posing with Allison Danger and the Tag Team titles]
My empire of dirt [Cuts to a still of Allison Danger with BLK Out]
I will let you down [And fades to Trent Acid and Ruckus coming off a cage with a Russian leg sweep]
I will make you hurt [A quick splice of everyone in all the championship matches, fades completely out as we cut..

LIVE! To the Hammerstein Ballroom in the heart of New York City! Fans are still filing into the building as the camera pans over the arena, WCWA banners with the HURT logo hanging from the ceiling and all the balconies. We cut to the announce table, where Kris Kloss sits in a blue suit, Shane Douglas in a black polo shirt.

KK: We’re less than an hour away from the biggest WCWA Pay Per View yet, HURT!

SD: Haha! All the PPVs are big Kloss, because I’m here!

KK: Kris Kloss alongside “The Franchise” Shane Douglas to bring you all the live action, as well as a run down for the paid portion of tonight’s event.. But now, let’s send it backstage.. Joel Gertner stands by with the World Junior Heavyweight champion.. Jack Evans..

Cut backstage to Joel Gertner. Joel is wearing a typical lounge jacket with a neck brace, a black bow tie strapped around the neck brace, because this is a special occasion. Near him stands the WCWA World Junior Heavyweight champion, Jack Evans, the title draped over his shoulder.

JG: Well, well, well, if it isn’t I, Joel “I’m not carrying a nine millimeter, but if you’d like, I will shoot you” Gertner.. Standing by with the WCWA World Junior Heavyweight champion..

JE: Yo homie don’t be trippin ova mah bling!

JG: Jack Evans.. Jack, tonight, you start the Ménage Et Trois tournament, with a defense of your World Junior Heavyweight title.. I ask you.. Are you afraid?

JE: Naw homie, balla not be trippin over dis shiznit, why Jack be tripping for?

JG: Was that a question? Or a statement? Was that even English?

JE: Yo, you be crampin’ my style yo.. Get to the puzzling!

JG: Tonight.. You face The Hardcore Evil Ninja #2.. The more Evil of the two Hardcore Ninjas. He’s so evil he may have possibly killed Hardcore Evil Ninja #1..

JE: Homie’s strapped with bullet proof swag yo.

JG: And Ricochet.. They say he’s flippy..

JE: Gravity forgot Jack Evans…

Evans starts to walk away, but turns and comes back into the camera view.

JE: And you know this… MAN!

Evans struts away as we cut back to the ringside area.

KK: Jack Evans seems confident.

SD: Perhaps a little too confident..

Cut to the ring, where new WCWA ring announcer Mel Phillips stands with a microphone in hand.

MP: The following match is scheduled for one fall, with a ten minute time limit, and it is a special attraction match!

“Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!” by Vengaboys and Ryan Cruz makes his way through the curtain, Joey Eastman following shortly behind.

MP: Making his way to the ring, being accompanied to the ring by “Absolutely Tan” Joey Eastman, from Anywhere but New York City, weighing in tonight at one hundred and seventy five pounds, he is “Ravishing” Ryan Cruz!

Ryan Cruz makes his way to the ring quickly, sliding in under the bottom rope. Joey Eastman snatches the microphone away from Mel Phillips.

JE: Camera man, ZOOM! Tonight, it’s the launch of the empire known as Joey Eastman Worldwide into the stratosphere. Darin Corbin advances to the second round of the Ménage Et Trois tournament.. Brain Damage destroys that shmuck Joker once and for all.. And listen to me, you blue haired butch bimbo.. Tonight, if you think you’re going to take liberties with Joey Eastman, you have another thing coming. I will beat the shit out of you! Tonight, it is Brain Damage massacring Joker.. Inside that steel cage..

The camera pans upwards to the steel cage that hangs dramatically above the ring.

SD: I sort of wondered why that was there, but I figured “hey, it’s wrestling”. I worked for WCW and learned not to ask any questions..

KK: WCW did it too? And here I thought it was only XPW that had random stuff hanging in buildings.. Either way, earlier this week, it was announced on WCWAOnline.com that the Brain Damage versus Joker match would be fought inside a steel cage, with Joey Eastman handcuffed to Allison Danger on the outside.

SD: You want to bet that as much as Allison hates being cuffed to a man, Eastman hates being cuffed to a woman more?

KK: You've heard those rumors too?

JE: And Ryan Cruz.. Right here tonight, you’re going to make a name for yourself! Right here on the pre-show!

Ryan Cruz nods in agreement.

JE: Now, I know we agreed that you needed a singles match. And Dave Lenker agreed as well.. Unfortunately, your opponent is Necro Butcher..

Cruz seems to lose his mind, grabbing his hair and pulling as the crowd cheers wildly.

JE: Fear not! You have the leadership of “Absolutely Tan” Joey Eastman..

“Freebird” by Lynard Skynard begins to play over the P/A system and Joey Eastman quickly bails out of the ring. Necro Butcher comes stomping through the curtain, barefoot as can be. Necro quickly down the ramp, stomping rather than walking.

MP: And his opponent, from West BAH GAWD Virginia, weighing in tonight at two hundred and seventy pounds.. He is the Necro BUTCHER!!

Necro comes to ringside and grabs a chair, tossing it into the ring. Necro slides in and Cruz immediately assaults him with the chair, jabbing him with the end of it. Mel Phillips scrambles out of the ring as Referee Bryce Remsburg slides in.

SD: I think Ryan Cruz dies.

KK: For once, we're in agreement.

Cruz swings the chair with all his force and nails Necro right between the eyes, but the shot doesn’t even seem to faze the Butcher, who simply shakes the chair shot off and swats the chair out of Cruz’s hands. Cruz looks down at the chair, then up at Necro, then back to the chair. He tries to run away but Necro grabs him by the hair and jerks him right to the mat.

KK: I don't think Cruz thought this through.

SD: I would guess you're correct.

KK: And he can blame Joey Eastman for it.

SD: Fucking JEW. Ruins everything for Cruz.

Cruz slowly gets back to his feet, Necro grabs the chair. He’s holding the chair in his hands as he grabs Ryan Cruz, putting the chair behind Cruz and lifting him, tossing him with a chair assisted scoop slam.

SD: Offense moves...Necro three, Cruz zero.

KK: He had the chair shot.

SD: On Necro?

KK: Good point.

Cruz slowly gets to his feet, his back hurting him greatly. Cruz slowly after the Butcher, Necro with a high swing and Cruz ducks. Basement dropkick from Ryan Cruz and Necro Butcher goes down. Cruz mounts the back of Necro, hooking the left arm between his legs and twisting the right arm with his own arms, spreading himself across the Butcher’s back.

SD: That may be the smartest thing Cruz has done yet.

KK: How do you figure?

SD: If he can't hit you, he can't hurt you!

KK: What is to say he can't hit Cruz from that position?

SD: Good point.

Necro works his way back to a vertical base and he falls back, dropping Cruz with a Samoan drop, causing the submission hold to be broken. Joey Eastman hops up onto the ring apron. Referee goes after him and so does Necro. Ryan Cruz from behind and he nails a low blow on the Butcher.

SD: Yeah, great idea. Piss him off!

KK: The guy has a death wish!

SD: I would say so.

KK: We're agreeing a lot today. I think I'm growing on you.

SD: I wouldn't be so sure. You're not as annoying as first thought, however.

Necro goes down center ring, Cruz points to the top rope. Slowly he climbs to the top. Perched up top, he looks down at Necro and jumps, nailing a huge top rope leg drop across Necro’s chest. Cruz goes for a cover, but it’s only enough for a count of two.

KK: And the Minnesota Jam gets two.

SD: Does he really call it that?

KK: No. But it's popular to take the state the wrestler is from and add jam to it for that more.

SD: I blame Chris Candido for this. Rest his soul.

KK: Indeed. And Sunny, call me.

SD: Classy, Kris.

Cruz up and he’s protesting to the referee. Necro gets up, but Darin Corbin has entered the ring. Corbin comes running in and nails a diving forearm on the Butcher, taking him right back down. Cruz with another cover, the referee confused, but counts anyways, 1.…2.… kick out from Necro at two.

KK: Going to take more then a forearm.

SD: Think he has a gun?

KK: That might work. Might.

SD: A shovel?

KK: Might.

SD: A can of beer?

KK: Who is he, Steve Austin?

Cruz up and he’s protesting a slow count. Cruz turns around and walks right into a straight jab from Necro and crumbles. Necro doesn’t pull his fist back to him, but rather just looks at it, amazed that it clobbered Cruz that hard.

SD: One H Q!

KK: What?

SD: One H Q! One Hitter Quitter!

KK: Huh?

SD: Oh, you're too out of touch, Kloss. A "One H Q" is a punch that instantly ends a fight.

KK: Oh. Well, yes.

SD: And you were starting not to annoy me. Sheesh.

Cruz is out cold on the mat. Necro tries to lift him back to his feet, but Cruz is dead weight. Necro with a cover, referee Remsburg slides into position, 1.…2...3!

SD: Like I said, One H Q.

KK: Indeed. Ryan Cruz is out. And Joey Eastman has no one to blame but himself.

SD: So, he's a stupid JEW as well?

KK: We're making friends with everyone, aren't we?

SD: You could say that.

“Freebird” begins to play over the P/A system, but Necro’s not quite done. He grabs Ryan Cruz and chucks him over the top rope. Joey Eastman looks on as one of his prize investments has just been mauled by Necro. Necro starts out of the ring after Eastman, but there’s no fear on Eastman’s face, as from behind Necro has come Brain Damage.

KK: What is Damage doing out here? Shouldn't he be getting ready for Joker in the cage later tonight?

SD: You would think so, but remember, Damage is in J.E.W. So I would guess Eastman has something to do with this.

KK: But why risk Damage getting hurt before Joker?

SD: Because Eastman's a dumb-ass. I thought you knew that. Like I said. Stupid JEW.

Brain Damage grabs Necro by the scraggly hair and slugs him in the back of the head, dazing the Butcher. Necro turns around and starts swinging wildly, but just gets met with a body shot from Brain Damage. Darin Corbin has made his way down the isle and slid into the ring, but is just cowering in the corner as Damage takes care of Necro.

KK: And Corbin just staying in the corner.

SD: Would you get in there with an angry Necro Butcher?

KK: No.

SD: Then, do you blame him?

KK: Well, no.

SD: Okay then.

Necro is trying to fight back but Damage is mangling him with rapid body shots. Necro starts to fight back, getting one good blow between the eyes of Damage, but Corbin comes in and clips the legs of Necro. Necro goes down and Damage mounts him, slugging him many times right in the face with both hands, actually splitting the Butcher open from the top of the head.

KK: The obvious question here is why would J.E.W. be antagonizing the Necro Butcher?

SD: One I can't answer. But I hope they are ready to deal with him.

KK: I don't think any living force is able to deal with a pissed off Necro Butcher.

Necro is now split wide open as referees and security slide into the ring to get Damage off of him. Corbin disposes of a referee or two over the top rope as Eastman stands around, shouting orders. Security finally is able to pull Damage off of Necro and gets him out of the ring, escorting Corbin and Eastman out as well.

KK: And finally, they are separated..

SD: But for how lo...

Shane is interrupted, as Necro Butcher comes DIVING over the top rope, taking out all of Joey Eastman Worldwide and several security guards with one giant dive.

SD: Get these guys out of here!

KK: They are RIGHT on top of us here!

Necro back to his feet and after Damage. Necro gets in a few body shots before security gets between them. Damage tosses the security out of the way and goes after Necro. Necro is backing up towards the security table. Damage comes running in and is going for a punch, but Necro ducks and Damage drills Kris Kloss right between the eyes.

SD: THANK YOU!!!!!

Kloss is down, security pulls the two apart, picking Necro up and carrying him away on their shoulders, pulling Damage away as well. Kloss is out of it on the floor, Shane Douglas stands up and spits on him. As fans cheer wildly, we cut backstage to Chris Hero. Hero is standing by a WCWA HURT back drop, a black wind breaker over his ring gear.

CH: Tonight.. Tonight it’s destiny.. Tonight is the night that Chris Hero captures the WCWA World Heavyweight title. That’s not a prediction.. A threat.. A promise.. It’s just what’s going to happen. To some people, professional wrestling is a job. A part time game, a weekend occupation.. To Chris Hero, professional wrestling is life. As far back as I can remember in my adult life, Professional wrestling has been all I know.. I would ride town to town to wrestle.. Between matches, in the car, I would watch matches.. Not because I’m just some big mark, but rather because with every match I watch.. I pick up something.. And it makes me the very best in the world.

Hero turns around slightly, stretching his wrists as he continues to talk.

CH: Tonight, Eddie Kingston and The Messiah.. Both men think they’ve come a long way and they have.. Unfortunately, the long road they have driven down is a dead end road, for Chris Hero’s championship destiny has cut them off dead in their trails. Mark my words.. In approximately four hours.. Chris Hero will be the WCWA World Heavyweight champion..

Hero walks away from the interview area. We cut to a separate interview area, where Joel Gertner stands with Robby Mireno, Eddie Kingston, Joker, Ruckus, and Sabian.

JG: Well.. Well.. Well..

Mireno snatches the microphone away.

RM: Cut the games, Gertner. BLK Out isn’t into the games tonight.. This isn’t a game of catch phrases and dick jokes.. This is the big night.. The gold is coming home to the BLK Out! The King is bringing home the World Heavyweight title.. Sabian and Ruckus are going to climb the ladder of success, both figuratively and literally, to bring home those World Tag straps.. And this man.. The Joker is going to show exactly why he is called “The Cambodian Axe Murderer”.

Mireno hands off the microphone to Joker.

Joker: Brain Damage. You punch hard.. You beat up women, announcers, referees.. I kill people.. You want to enter a cage with me.. Prepare to die.

Joker hands the microphone off to Ruckus, who seems quite amused by Joker’s short and sweet promo.

Ruckus: Yo, BLK Out 4:20 here, Pay Per View, this ain‘t a stable, this is a ma‘fuckin‘ empire. BLK Out 4:20 takin‘ this place over by force, climbin‘ the ladder of success.. We beat up those JEW punks.. And we got a shot. World Tag Team titles.. And a ladder match.. Let me tell you something.. No one gets higher than the BLK Out, especially on Pay Per View..

Ruckus hands the microphone off to Kingston, making a slight smoking motion with his fingers as he does so. The camera zooms in closely on Kingston.

EK: Sunday January seventh, two thousand and six.. Eddie Kingston.. This is my night.. This isn’t gimmicks.. This isn’t “test my gangsta”.. This is straight up fact.. I’ve lived in shit holes my entire life.. I’ve been stabbed.. I’ve been hit with bats.. I’ve been hit with cars.. Chris Hero.. Messiah.. NOTHING YOU CAN DO CAN HURT ME. I come from a long line of drug addicts, scum bags, and general shit heads.. I am the LAST OF A DYING FUCKING BREED! Chris Hero.. Messiah.. You’re going to take this away from me? You’re going to take away everything I’ve earned? Everything I’ve lived my whole life to get? Let me tell you mother fuckers.. You’re going to have to kill me if you want to walk out of this Pay Per View with the Heavyweight strap..

Kingston hands the mic back to Robby.

RM: Believe me mother fuckers.. YOU ALWAYS BET ON BLACK!

Evans comes from out of no where, tossing in his two cents.

JE: BEYYYOOOTCH!

Cut back to ringside, where just Shane Douglas now sits.

SD: Seems like I’m flying solo for this one..

A graphic for HURT appears on the screen, with Johnny Cash’s “Hurt” playing in the background.

SD: We are just moments away from the biggest WCWA Pay Per View of all time.. You got your order in? What are you waiting for! Don’t get shut out of this one! Click the little button on your remote and buy the damn Pay Per View!

A graphic flashes on the screen with Messiah, Eddie Kingston, and Chris Hero.

SD: Vacant WCWA World Heavyweight title on the line tonight as Chris Hero does battle with Eddie Kingston and The Messiah. As par the course for this tournament, this one will be no disqualifications, no count out, pin falls count anywhere.. Elimination rules, meaning there WILL be a clear winner..

A graphic appears on the screen, Chuck Taylor on one side of the screen, Delirious on the other, the words “WCWA International title match” below the two.

SD: Finals of the tournament to decide the new WCWA International champion here tonight, as Chuck Taylor does battle with Delirious. This one should be off the charts!

The International title graphic fades off the screen, replaced by one with JC Bailey and Drake Younger, the words “WCWA Death Match title match: Barbed Wire Nets match” below the two men.

SD: Barbed wire nets match live tonight for the WCWA Death Match title as champion Too Hardcore for a Gimmick” JC Bailey defends against “Psycho Shooter” Drake Younger. The amount of hate between these two men is indescribable. Have you ever hated someone so much you wanted to throw them barefoot in thumbtacks? They’ve done it. Tonight, it’s nets of barbed wire around the ring.. Gorefest 101.

A graphic with Beef Wellington and Marty Jannetty appears on the screen, the words “WCWA Television title match” floating below them.

SD: This is what we call the “popcorn” match of the Pay Per View, as WCWA Television Champion Beef Wellington retains the title against Marty Jannetty. Unless you’re into men touching each other inappropriately and other silly crap, go get a drink, use the bathroom.. This match will suck.

A graphic appears on the screen with The Backseat Boys and the BLK Out, the words WCWA World Tag Team titles below them, followed by the phrase “ladder match”.

SD: On the last episode of Synthetic, The BLK Out earned the right to a World Tag Team titles shot here tonight against champions The Backseat Boys.. And just last night on WCWAOnline.com, it was revealed that this World Tag Team titles match will be fought under ladder match rules. Meaning, those two belts will be high in the air tonight.

A graphic with LuFisto and Mickie Knuckles is the next thing up on the screen.

SD: If you’re expecting bra and panties and sex and shit, you’re looking at the WRONG match. Special women’s grudge match tonight, as Mickie Knuckles does battle with LuFisto. This is the definition of a blood feud.. These two girls are going to beat the hell out of each other!

This graphic fades out, replaced with one for Brain Damage versus Joker, with the words “Steel Cage Match” below.

SD: And we go from what should be a fight.. To a war. Brain Damage versus Joker.. Brain Damage is the unstoppable Terminator of WCWA.. He doesn’t feel pain.. Joker is not in the least bit intimidated by him, even going as far to call himself the Liquid Terminator.. I just pray we didn’t put a damage deposit down on the arena, because these two are gonna tear the place apart! Luckily, thanks to a ruling on WCWAOnline.com earlier this week, they won’t be taking out the commentation station, because they will be battling it out inside a steel cage.

Two graphics now appear on the screen, both for Ménage Et Trois first round matches..

SD: Ménage Et Trois starts tonight with two first round matches. In the first match, it will be Jack Evans defending the World Junior Heavyweight championship against The Hardcore Evil Ninja #2 and the debuting Ricochet.. In the second, it will be “Diehard” Dustin Lee battling it out with “Delicious” Darin Corbin and “Pure Dynamite” Billy Roc.

“El Phantasmo” by White Zombie begins to play, the live New York crowd going absolutely nuts as Lance Storm makes his way down the isle way. Lance is in his street gear, a pair of tight blue jeans and a tank top. He makes his way down to the ring, then gets the microphone from Mel Phillips.

LS: Please cut the music..

The music cuts off, as par request.

LS: If I could be serious for a moment..

The crowd pops at this, cheering wildly.

LS: Last week on Synthetic, I made my triumphant WCWA debut. And I lost. And now, I am without a Pay Per View match up. WCWA management has Lance Storm at their disposal, but have chosen to leave him off the Pay Per View. I am more talented than everyone in that locker room. I could wrestle circles around anyone back there. But instead of having a wrestling showcase, management has chosen for a comedy match between Beef and Jannetty, a girl’s match, and a death match.

The crowd is confused a bit at Lance’s sudden attitude.

LS: You see, I am born to wrestle. I come from the dungeons of Calgary, Alberta, Canada. I have come to the WCWA to make an impact. And if management doesn’t want to let me make an impact with a Pay Per View match.. Well then I’ll just have to find some other way..

Storm drops the microphone and exit’s the ring, raising his arms in the air as he exits up the ramp. With this we cut backstage to Billy Roc, standing by a WCWA HURT backdrop.

BR: YEAH DADDY! WCWA HURT! “Pure Dynamite” Billy Roc here to give you a few thoughts about my match tonight. Diehard Dustin, I’ve known you for many years and I respect you.. Darin Corbin, I don’t respect you or anything you and your band of thugs do. Tonight, Billy Roc is winning this match, and going all the way in the tournament!

Pan backwards to Smooth Pleasing and Chrisjen Hayme, standing on both sides of Billy Roc.

SP: You see, Billy Roc may have failed in his quest on Synthetic.. But now, he has the power of friendship.

Cut back to Shane Douglas at the announce table.

SD: We are just moments away from the biggest WCWA Pay Per View of all time, HURT. Don’t get shut out. Click the button, call your local cable or satellite provider, do whatever it takes.. You DON’T want to miss HURT!

Pan back away from the announce table slightly, as a rather chubby and bald man is walking up, wearing a nice suit. He casually sits down where Kris Kloss was sitting.

SD: Who the HELL are you?

Man: I’m Ben Jordan.. Mr. Lenker sent me out here, cause he said you needed a new play by play man?

SD: Need is the wrong choice of words there, greenhorn. So I go from Joey Styles, to Kris Kloss, to you? It’s bad when I actually want Kloss back

BJ: I’m just here to do my job.. I don’t want any trouble!

SD: There’ll be trouble….

Cut to the ring, where Mel Phillips stands with a microphone in hand.

MP: The following match is a special attraction tag team match!

“Tainted Love” by Soft Cell begins to play over the P/A system and Elsa Bangz makes her way through the curtain, followed shortly behind by SeXXXy Eddy. Next out is Michael Nakazawa, looking very oily, bent over towards Elsa’s bum as he walks.

MP: Being accompanied to the ring by “The Internet Sensation” Elsa Bangz, first, from Kyroe, Japan, weighing in tonight at two hundred and two pounds, he is “The Japanese Oil Man” Michael NAKAZAWA! And his tag team partner, from Very Long Beach, California, weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty pounds, plus five pounds of COCKMEAT! This is SeXXXy EDDY!

Eddy and Nakazawa make their way to the ring, Nakazawa applying gracious amounts of oil to his chest and legs as they make their way down the isle way. Elsa is first into the ring, hoping up onto the ring apron and bending over between the top and middle ropes. SeXXXy Eddy starts up, but is stopped by Michael Nakazawa. Eddy seems a little confused as Nakazawa applies oil to his hands, slathering Elsa’s exposed butt cheeks in the baby oil. Nakazawa then enters the ring, flagging Eddy to do as he wishes.

BJ: Well, you gotta use proper lubricant..

SD: (mocking): Gotta use proper lubricant.. Shut the fuck up and call the matches!

Eddy hops up onto the ring apron and slides between the ropes, proceeding to hump her now oiled butt on the way into the ring. Eddy slides in, removing his vest, then whipping away his break away pants. “Tainted Love” cuts off as Nakazawa and Eddy exchange hand shakes.

SD: I fear the worst with these two..

BJ: Double penetration?

SD: You can’t say that! This ain’t the PPV yet, fucktard! Clean up the fucking language!

BJ: Sorry, I didn’t know!!

BJ: Sorry, I didn't...hey, wait...isn't the preshow on HBO?

SD: And the preview channel... Kids watching, fucking dumbass..

BJ: Then I can say whatever I want. We are a Rated R enter....

SD: We are NC-17. Rated R doesn't come for another six months.

“War” by System of a Down begins to play over the P/A system, the crowd booing in response to the formerly loved one Arsenal’s music. Through the curtain steps the massive “Masterpiece” Chris Mordetsky, his muscular body well oiled. Stepping behind him is the much skinnier Arsenal.

MP: And their opponents, first, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in tonight at two hundred and seventy pounds.. He is “The Masterpiece” Chris MORDETSKY!! And his tag team partner, from Cochrane, Ontario, Canada, weighing in tonight at one hundred and fifty five pounds this is “The Walking One Man War” ARSENAL!

Together, Arsenal and Mordetsky make their way to ringside, the crowd showering them in boos and disproving thumbs down. At ringside, Arsenal and Mordetsky are slow into the ring. Once they enter, referee PJ Drummond checks both men for weapons then calls for the bell. Bell sounds and this match is under way.

SD: Do you see the irony of Chris Mordetszky not making it to pay-per-view here either?

BJ: It’s going to be a long night.

SD: You have no idea

One in and one out, opens with SeXXXy Eddy and Chris Mordetsky. The crowd is really getting on Mordetsky with a chant of “He’s on Ster-Oids *clap, clap, clapclapclap*. Mordetsky is trying to ignore the people, but Eddy is encouraging them. A couple moments into the chant, Eddy decides that HE is on steroids, pointing to his genital area to the beat of the chant.

SD: If that chant is accurate, we have a definite contrast in the ring…

BJ: How do you figure?

SD: Eddy’s is about five pounds. Mordetsky’s are about five ounces. If he’s lucky.

BJ: I’m shocked Kloss didn’t quit.

SD: Oh, he definitely punched out. BWAHAHAHAHA! See what I did there?

BJ: You’re an idiot.

Eddy goes to the ropes to play to the crowd and it proves to be a mistake, as Mordetsky comes in for a Pearl Harbor job on the Triple X Sex Express. Mordetsky pounds on Eddy with some clubbing rights and lefts, taking the man with five pounds in his underpants down to his hands and knees. Mordetsky nails Eddy with a knee right to the chin and Eddy is reeling. Mordetsky is signaling for his full nelson.

BJ: Master lock.

SD: We can’t call it that. Nor would we want to.

BJ: It’s not a copy write. Not a wrestling one any way.

SD: Shades of Billy Jack Haynes would be the reference.

BJ: I was more of a Hercules fan.

Eddy slow back to his feet, unknowingly backing up towards Mordetsky. Mordetsky goes for the grip on Eddy, referee PJ Drummond in front of Eddy. With the blind spot, Eddy takes advantage, kicking Mordetsky right in the groin. Eddy makes the roll towards the corner and tags in Michael Nakazawa.

SD: And here comes the greasiest man in WCWA?

BJ: Where is Josh Abercrombie when you need him?

SD: Who?

BJ: Nevermind

Nakazawa in, graciously dumping baby oil all over himself. Nakazawa tells Mordetsky to put him in the Masterlock. Mordetsky seems a bit confused as Nakazawa turns his back to him. Mordetsky comes in and goes for the lock, but Nakazawa slides right out of the lock. Mordetsky is frustrated, trying to rub the baby oil off his arms as Nakazawa rubs more in.

SD: The last time I saw that much baby oil in a wrestling ring…

BJ: When you ordered that WEW ppv?

SD: No. Was the last time I saw Nakazawa wrestle. What is this WEW you speak of?

BJ: Think a real XWF.

SD: We don’t mention them anymore. Our bosses don’t like them.

Nakazawa turns his back to Mordetsky again, telling him to try it again in broken English. Mordetsky considers the “unbreakable” full nelson, but then reconsiders and simply short arm clotheslines Nakazawa to the back, taking him right down. Mordetsky jerks Nakazawa back to his feet and THROWS him across the ring, sending him flying across the ring and into the Mordetsky/Arsenal corner.

SD: Did Chris Mordetsky just show some brains?

BJ: I think so

SD: Man, this is going to be a long night!

Mordetsky after Nakazawa for an attack, Nakazawa trying to fire back on Mordetsky, but the muscular Mordetsky shrugs off the blows, shoving Nakazawa right back into the Mordetsky/Arsenal corner. Mordetsky with a couple of body shots on Nakazawa, then simply backs away, distracting referee PJ Drummond and facing him towards SeXXXy Eddy. Arsenal takes this distraction as an opportunity to wrap the tag rope around Nakazawa’s neck.

BJ: And a shortcut by the “Walking One Man War”.

SD: This is the first time I have ever heard him referred to as such.

BJ: Must not watch any IWS.

SD: You keep mentioning other promotions, and Mr. Lenker is going to replace you.

Eddy is furious and tries to run in to save his amigo, but Drummond stops Eddy and forces him back to the corner, giving Arsenal even more choking time and Mordetsky an opportunity for more kidney shots to the Japanese Oil Man.

SD: Have Eddy and Nakazawa thought of a team name?

BJ: Oh lord…

SD: Just saying the possibilities are endless.

BJ: Remember, there are fucking children watching

SD: Hey! You can’t say fuck! I say fuck! Fuck is my fucking gimmick!

Referee PJ Drummond turns around just in time to see Mordetsky tag out to the Arsenal. Arsenal in with kicks to the mid section of Nakazawa, finishing the brief combo with a spinning roundhouse kick. Arsenal grabs Nakazawa by the wrist and attempts to send him into the ropes with a whip, but simply slides off of Nakazawa’s well oiled wrist. Arsenal opts to instead just grab Nakazawa and deliver a snap suplex.

BJ: Despite the fact that he is out of his god-damn mind, the baby oil thing is pretty smart on Nakazawa’s part.

SD: Makes him slippery.

BJ: And thus able to escape certain moves.

SD: Except for snap suplexes. Those leave him leaving flater then Elsa on that one web-site.

Arsenal with a pin attempt on Nakazawa, but it’s only enough for two. Arsenal gets back to his feet, darting into the ropes. He goes for a back senton on Nakazawa, but Nakazawa rolls out of the way. Nakazawa is going towards the corner, his hand extended for SeXXXy Eddy. Eddy has his hand out as well, extended over the ropes as far as possible, Elsa Bangz cheering on at ringside, slapping the mat and getting the fans behind the Japanese oil man.

BJ: She is full of spunk over there.

SD: Fans, I’ll let you write your own joke there. Best submission get the AT&T ShoutOut on the next PPV. AT&T, the official phone company of the World Championship Wrestling Alliance.

BJ: And you’re a shill.

SD: Shut-up, and enjoy your cell phone.

BJ: I’m with Sprint.

SD: You blasphemous bastard

Nakazawa is nearly to the ropes, but Arsenal grabs his leg. Arsenal tries to pull Nakazawa back to the center of the ring, but slips right off of the well oiled leg and Nakazawa is able to make the tag to SeXXXy Eddy! Eddy comes in on fire, a right for Arsenal, Mordetsky comes in and he catches one to the chin as well. Arsenal back and Eddy catches him with a mule kick. Eddy into the ropes and he comes back, dropping Arsenal to the mat with a Fame Asser.

BJ: I believe Eddy calls that the Pound Asser.

SD: That would not surprise me, at all

BJ: Straight from the horses’ mouth.

SD: So, Elsa told you? (silence) Nothing?

BJ: I will let you hang yourself with that.

Eddy is on fire. He goes to the corner, preparing himself for the Total SeXXXtasy split legged moonsault. Mordetsky runs over and knocks him off the top rope and Eddy crotches himself on the turnbuckle. The crowd lets out a collective “OOHHHH” as Eddy’s face turns to one of sheer agony.

SD: If it is true, then the five pounds would give him cushion.

BJ: Or hurt even more.

SD: That could be possible.

Arsenal to the corner and he makes the tag to Mordetsky. Mordetsky comes in and from behind SeXXXy Eddy, who is still nutted on the top rope. He puts Eddy in his Masterlock and jerks him right off the top rope and to the center of the ring. Eddy has no choice but to submit.

SD: And Mordetsky gets the win, tapping Eddy with his MasterLock submission.

BJ: And I have my first WCWA match under my belt

SD: And under the new WCWA rule, that means Mordetsky and Arsenal need 2 more wins and they get to challenge our tag champions. Which will be either the Backseat Boys or the BLK Out team of Sabian and Ruckus.

The bell sounds as “War” by System of a Down begins to play over the P/A system. Mel Phillips comes on for the announcement.

MP: And your winners, Arsenal and “The Masterpiece” Chris Mordetsky!!

Mordetsky reluctantly releases the Masterlock as Nakazawa and Elsa Bangz enter the ring to assist Eddy. Triumphantly, Mordetsky and Arsenal raise their hands as we cut backstage, where JC Bailey stands by the already famed HURT backdrop, a light tube in his hands.

JC: Drake Younger, tonight, we do battle again. We’ve done battle a few times now and done a lot of stupid stuff, but tonight.. This is it.. You lose again, it’s over. No rematches after this match. This will be our final encounter..

JC drops the tube to the ground, where it explodes into a million pieces, the white dust from inside floating upwards, from here, we cut to Joel Gertner, standing at a doorway.

JG: Well, well, well, if it isn’t I, the Quintessential Stud Muffin, Joel “Eddy’s five pounds is my warm up act” Gertner and I am backstage with Chuck Taylor.

CT: “Sexy” Chuckie T to you, marshmallow neck.

JG: I’ll have you know that this neck brace is on the direct supervision of a panel of doctors!

CT: And I’m a former Women’s champion.. Get to the point, Gertner.

JG: Tonight, you compete for the WCWA International title, against the Lizard Man, Delirious.

CT: Yeah, Delirious is gonna go out there, talk some Ebonics jibberish, act weird, run around, and I’ll stab him right in the throat! And then, I’ll be champion! For the Kings of Wrestling! YEAH!

Taylor walks off the set triumphantly.

JG: Doesn’t the stabby stuff come later? Either way, I’m Joel Gertner, off to pump out a quickie with Elsa Bangz

Cut back to ringside with Ben Jordan and Shane Douglas.

BJ: Guys, HURT is just minutes away! Don’t miss out on your opportunity to see the biggest WCWA Pay Per View of all time. Make the call, call your local cable or satellite provider and order HURT by name.

SD: Or, if you’re in the 21st Century unlike Benji here, hit the order button on your remote.. It takes about ten seconds and your cable company won’t think you’re retarded.

BJ: Either way, get your order in.. For Shane Douglas…

SD: No! Fuck you, you’re the green horn, so I’m signing out! For the dill hole that reeks of cheap weed, I’m The Franchise, see you in about two minutes on HURT!

Cut away.. Dead air is all that is heard. A black screen is all that can be seen. Slowly, we fade into a shot from Synthetic. Chris Hero and Sabu stand over Necro Butcher’s broken corpse menacingly, Bill Alfonzo blowing a whistle wildly. Dave Prazak gets between the two men and raises both of their hands high into the air. Kris Kloss cuts in for a voice over.

KK: There you see the first man qualified for the three way World Heavyweight title match at Hurt.. But at what cost? Is winning really worth going these crooked roads?

The shot from Synthetic fades down, bringing up a black screen. A heavy voice over kicks in.

V/O: One man would do anything for the championship.. He would sell his soul to the devil himself.. Align himself with his enemies..

Cut to a clip of Chris Hero. His hair is down over his eyes, looking intimidating. He’s removed his Superman-esque logo shirt, standing only in a singlet and baggy pants. The camera pans out from Hero, showing CM Punk standing with an evil smile, but then the picture blacks out.

V/O: One man has fought his entire life for this moment.. Through blood, sweat, and tears.. He’s taken years off his life for this one moment..

Cut to a clip from Wargames. The Messiah is up on the top of the steel cage, Johnny Kashmire as well. Messiah bends down and hooks Kashmire on his shoulders. Messiah holds him there for a moment before jumping off, nailing a Samoan Drop to Johnny Kashmire through all three tables! Cue a voice over from Joey Styles.

JS: OH MY GAWD!!!!!

And we fade back to black..

V/O: And one man has abandoned everything he knew..

A photo of a very young Eddie Kingston, standing with Blackjack Marciano in front of Kevin Knight’s gym in New Jersey appears on screen.

V/O: To get to this point.

Kingston into the corner. He’s stomping his foot. Sabu up slowly. Kingston comes running in and goes for the Yakuza kick, but Sabu ducks. Kingston continues running, hitting the far ropes and coming back. Sabu turns around and catches a Yakuza kick from Kingston on the second attempt. This cuts quickly to Kingston pinning Sabu and getting his hand raised in victory, as a voice over from Kris Kloss cuts in.

KK: And he does it!

Tonight.. Two men will fall short of their dreams.. While one man.. Will forever seal his destiny as one of the greats in this sport. One man will etch his name into the record books alongside names such as Bret “the Hitman” Hart, Shawn Michaels, and AJ Styles as WCWA World Heavyweight champion.. A lifetime of build has led to this one moment..

Fade to black, only briefly does a WCWA logo flash on the screen before complete darkness covers the screen

© 2006/2008 WCWA & Half Life Media. All rights reserved.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

The Pay Per View portion of the show opens with a stern message, simply white text over a plain black screen.

WARNING: Unauthorized interception or receipt is prohibited!!

This Pay Per View Event is the exclusive property of Extreme Entertainment Inc. The World Championship Wrestling Alliance. Federal Law provides civil remedies and criminal penalties against any person divulging, publishing, intercepting, receiving, or assisting in intercepting or receiving this broadcast except as authorized by Extreme Entertainment Inc., by a cable operator authorized by Extreme Entertainment, or by others authorized by Extreme Entertainment.

Unauthorized viewers beware and be forewarned!!

As the Pay Per View portion of the show opens, a video begins to play with a deep voice giving voice overs (Fade from black into a shot of The Messiah taking Johnny Kashmire off the Wargames cage with the fireman's carry slam through tables) These men put their lives on the line. (Which fades into ) They break their bodies to entertain you all. (clipped into JC Bailey coming off a ladder barefoot into thumbtacks) Please don't take the money out of their pockets…(This clips into Beef Wellington diving off the top rope to Ass Punch Marty Jannetty) Respect the copyright laws associated with this product. (Which cuts into Jack Evans break dancing on the mat) This Pay Per View event is protected by local and national copy write laws. Any and all copying of this event is forbidden by federal laws, and if you found to be doing so, WCWA and Home Box Office Entertainment will prosecute to the fullest extent of the law. (This cuts into Allison Danger going through the table off the ring apron after the Yakuza Kick from Trent Acid before finally fading to black) Thank you.

This fades off into a music video, the slow guitar riffs of Johnny Cash’s “Hurt” starting, as the WCWA logo flashes on the screen, slowly switching out to the words “Est. 2004”

I hurt myself today.. (A black and white still of JC Bailey bloodied all over appears on the screen)
To see if I still feel.. (A similar still of Drake Younger appears on the screen as JC’s fades out)
I focus on the pain.. (Which fades back into JC Bailey, holding his feet in the air, covered in tacks)
The only thing that's real.. (This fades out to a stunning still of Drake Younger getting smashed with a light tube, as ends of the tube fly both directions)
The needle tears a hole.. (And fades back to another JC Bailey photo, this time with him getting stabbed with a needle on Synthetic)
The old familiar sting.. (And back to Drake, holding up his hand as blood pours from his arm pit)
Try to kill it all away.. (Cuts to a short clip of JC Bailey post match, dried blood everywhere as he tapes his wounds shut)
But I remember everything.. (Fades into a panning outwards clip of Drake Younger, focusing on the scars on his arm)

What have I become.. (This brings us to a black and white clip of LuFisto bloodied from the second King of the Death Matches)
My sweetest friend.. (Which fades to quick clip of Mickie Knuckles hugging xOMGx on Synthetic)
Everyone I know, goes away.. (This cuts to a clip of Mackie & LuFisto stumbling over the top rope)
In the end.. (And fades to SeXXXy Eddy letting off a mouse trap on LuFisto‘s butt)

And you could have it all.. (This fades into a still of Jack Evans holding the Junior Heavyweight title high over his head)
My empire of dirt (That cuts to Diehard Dustin posing, quickly cutting Hardcore Evil Ninja #2 looking hardcore and evil)
I will let you down.. (This cuts out to Darin Corbin sailing over the top rope and landing on his head on the floor on Synthetic)
I will make you hurt (And fades to black with Jack Evans break dancing..)

I wear this crown of thorns.. (A small clip of Joker, zooming in on a scar on his forehead)
Upon my liar's chair.. (Fades into Brain Damage getting tossed onto the time keeper’s table at A Fall From Grace)
Full of broken thoughts.. (Cuts to Joey Eastman and Brain Damage in the ring, with a small voice over from Eastman of “Camera Man.. ZOOM”
I cannot repair.. (This fades to Brain Damage throwing Robby Mireno up and over the top rope violently)

Beneath the stains of time.. (Which fades into Beef Wellington smiling and making a masturbation motion)
The feelings disappear.. (Splices into Marty Jannetty getting dropped on his head with an E.Coli Driver)
You are someone else.. (A quick clip of Marty Jannetty from the 90s transforms into modern Jannetty)
I am still right here.. (A quick turn of his hands and pose from Beef Wellington fades to black)

What have I become (A shot of BLK Out collectively, beating down the Backseat Boys, gang style appears on the screen)
My sweetest friend (and fades into the Backseat Boys celebrating a Tag team titles win)
Everyone I know goes away (A cut to Allison Danger with the Backseat Boys cuts in from here)
In the end (But splices into Trent Acid tackling Allison through a barbed wire board at KOTDM 2)
And you could have it all.. (A shot appears of Ruckus & Sabian with the Tag Team titles)
My empire of dirt.. (And fades out to The Backseat Boys and Jim Cornette with the same titles)
I will let you down.. (Which finally cuts into Johnny Kashmire falling off the Wargames cage)
I will make you hurt.. (And fades out with Trent Acid power bombing Allison Danger through a table on Breakdown)

If I could start again.. (A quick clip of Eddie Kingston, BLK Out standing behind him in arms)
A million miles away.. (This fades into Messiah standing center ring, his arms out stretched in a crucifix pose)
I would keep myself.. (Which fades into Chris Hero standing on the top rope, his arms high over his head)
I would find a way.. (The screen finally settles on a shot of the WCWA World Heavyweight title, sitting on a pedestal)

As the guitar riffs of Hurt end and Johnny Cash’s words trail off, the entire screen goes black, but brings up a talking head of Eddie Kingston.

EK: This is everything I ever wanted.. You will NOT take this from me..

Kingston fades away, being replaced by a talking head of Messiah.

Messiah: So it was written, so it shall be.. Tonight is destiny..

And Messiah fades into a talking head of Chris Hero.

CH: When I say I am the greatest wrestler ever.. It’s not a claim.. It’s the truth. Tonight, I prove it.

Hero fades off screen as we cut LIVE! To the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City, as a small pyro display explodes on the stage, the camera panning over the crowd, ruckus and cheering wildly. “Hurt” By Johnny Cash plays as the camera soaks in the crowd, at a fever pitch.

BJ: From the Hammerstein Ballroom, live in the heart of New York City, WCWA and Half Life Media bring to you HURT!!

SD: We are packed to the raptors here for what should be one of the greatest WCWA Pay Per Views of all time..

“Hurt” cuts off as we slowly pan down to the announce table at ringside, where Ben Jordan sits in a nice suit next to Shane Douglas, a black polo shirt hanging off him loosely.

BJ: Tonight, we have nine big matches.. The biggest of all being the WCWA World Heavyweight title match.. Chris Hero, The Messiah, and Eddie Kingston.. Three men and only one title..

SD: These three have gone down some of the hardest paths in wrestling to get to this match.. And this one is going to be crazy.. Three men come into this match looking to claim the WCWA World Heavyweight title.. And only one is actually going to get it.. Should be off the charts!

BJ: WCWA International title up for grabs as Chuck Taylor battles it out with Delirious..

SD: A month ago, CM Punk was holding that title and neither Taylor or Delirious were even in this federation.. Now, they do battle for one of the riches prizes in the sport, the International championship!

BJ: WCWA Television title on the line tonight as once again champion Beef Wellington defends against Marty Jannetty!

SD: And once again, Beef’s going to kick Jannetty’s ass, he’s going to punch Jannetty’s ass, and according to what he said on Synthetic this past week.. He’s going to fuck Jannetty’s ass..

BJ: And make him humble?

SD: Quite possibly..

BJ: Moving along, WCWA World Tag Team titles on the line as champions the Backseat Boys defend against The BLK Out of Ruckus and Sabian.

SD: How long have the Backseat Boys held the World Tag Team championships?

BJ: Several months.. You’ve been around longer than I have, but I’d guess around six months, if not more..

SD: Exactly. They’ve held those titles for seven months. Almost to the day. They’ve held those titles for longer than the BLK Out have even been in this federation. I really don’t see tonight going any differently than any past nights..

BJ: Special grudge match tonight as Brain Damage does battle with Joker. This one should be a war.. And it’s in a cage!

SD: These two are going to kill themselves and kill each other, and I’m still not exactly sure why..

BJ: Well, Brain Damage violently pile drove Allison Danger on Synthetic, and roughed up the rest of BLK Out pretty badly..

SD: So Joker’s gonna come in here, play knight and shining armor and run right through Brain Damage? He’s called the Terminator for a reason and I expect to see Joker’s guts splattered all over New York City by the end of the night..

BJ: All this, plus so much more.. Let’s send it down to Mel Phillips for the opening introductions!

Cut to the ring where Mel Phillips stands in a nice suit holding a microphone.

MP: The following match is scheduled for one fall with a twenty five minute time limit and it is a first round match in the Ménage Et Trois trios tournament!

“Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!” by Vengaboys and Darin Corbin makes his way out onto the stage, Joey Eastman trailing shortly behind him, the crowd booing them both greatly. The camera zooms in on Darin Corbin’s electronic belt, which reads “Joey Eastman > Robby Mireno”.

JH: Making his way to the ring first, being accompanied to the ring by “Absolutely Tan” Joey Eastman, from “The Dude Ranch, because he’s Hung Like a Horse” weighing in tonight at one hundred and ninety three pounds, this is “Delicious” Darin Corbin!

Corbin and Eastman make their way to the ring quickly, Corbin sliding up the ring apron and into the ring, pelvic thrusting and dancing badly as his music continues to play.

BJ: What is that retard doing?

SD: Being Darin Corbin, Ben.

BJ: This is how he acts?

SD: All the time.

BJ: This is going to be a long night.

Corbin’s music cuts off and is replaced with “Heavy Metal Kings” by Jedi Mind Tricks. “Diehard” Dustin Lee makes his way out onto the stage to some cheers.

MP: Opponent number two, from Indianapolis, Indiana, weighing in tonight at one hundred and seventy one pounds, he is “Diehard” Dustin Lee!

Diehard makes his way down the ramp and slides into the ring, careful to keep to his corner, not bum rushing Eastman and Corbin.

BJ: And there you see RAAGE...

SD: (cutting Ben off) Do not mention that ass wipe's school.

BJ: What happened?

SD: He fucked with family. That's all you need to know.

BJ: The Dan Maff of WCWA?

SD: Well played.

Diehard’s music is quickly cut off, replaced by the opening cords of “Just Like You” by Three Days Grace. Billy Roc comes running out onto the stage, a red button up jacket replacing his usual black one. Shortly behind Billy Roc is Smooth Pleasing, finally by Chrisjen Hayme, wearing a red jacket identical to Roc‘s.

MP: Being accompanied to the ring by his new manager Smooth Pleasing and his new best friend forever, Chrisjen Hayme, from Lafayette, Indiana, weighing in tonight at one hundred and seventy five pounds, he is “Pure Dynamite” Billy Roc!

Roc down to the ringside area, sliding into the ring as he removes his jacket. All three men in and the bell sounds, setting this opening Pay Per View match in motion.

BJ: Ahh, so they are BFF’s..

SD: And you’re a homo!

Diehard calls for the lock up. Billy Roc obliges, grabbing the left hand with his right. Roc puts his left hand in the air, Diehard his right, both calling for Darin Corbin to lock into the triangle. Corbin comes forward and jabs both men with an eye poke.

SD: Well, give Corbin credit. He outsmarted both of them.

BJ: He poked them in the eyes!

SD: Tomato, tomahto.

BJ: I bet Kloss is glad Damage punched him.

Corbin points to his head. Roc and Diehard both grab Corbin, throwing him with a double hip toss up and over their Greco Roman knuckle lock. Roc and Diehard go for a double elbow, their fingers still laced together, but Corbin is able to roll out of the way. Corbin with a standing senton, but both men nip to their feet, the knuckle lock still locked on. Diehard with his free hand chops Billy Roc roughly across the chest, breaking the knuckle lock at last.

SD: That was floppidy.

BJ: You can expect a lot of that here. Roc has lucha influences, Corbin is a cruiserweight himself, and for a guy his size, Lee is incredibly light on his feet.

SD: More floppidy!

BJ: Give them a chance, will you.

Roc returns the favor with a chop of his own. Darin Corbin back to his feet and he comes running in, running right into a double chop from both men, sending Corbin down to the mat and Joey Eastman into a frenzy at ringside. Billy Roc tries to drop an elbow, but Corbin rolls out of the way. Diehard with an elbow, but Corbin out of the way again. Roc tries for an elbow on Diehard, but Diehard is able to get up to his feet in time, going for a standing senton on Corbin, but Corbin gets up. All three men to their feet for a three way stand off as the crowd claps politely.

SD: GOD DAMN IT!

BJ: Huh?

SD: That damn indy stand-off.

BJ: The what?

SD: You know. We're out of moves, so let's stand here like idiots and hope the crowd applauds!

Corbin comes running at both Roc and Diehard for an ax handle, but takes a double drop toe hold for his trouble. Roc in the face of Diehard now. Diehard with a high right hand, but Roc ducks under it and slides into a rear waist lock. Standing switch by Diehard into a rear waist lock of his own. Corbin back to his feet and comes running in, sunset flipping over both men, rolling up Diehard with a sunset flip and causing Diehard to German suplex Roc. Corbin holds Diehard in a pinning position, but it’s only enough for two says referee Bryce Remsburg.

SD: And now we go from floppidy to spotty.

BJ: In zero flat.

SD: Well, it happens around here.

BJ: I have noticed that. Too bad we have all that garbage stuff.

SD: I know, right? No actual wrestling allowed.

Corbin up and protesting a slow count. Billy Roc back to his feet. Roc comes at Corbin, Corbin ducks and Roc goes over with a leapfrog over the back. Corbin tries to get Roc up for an electric chair, but Roc flips backwards, throwing Corbin with a reverse hurricanrana, spiking the ginger superstar’s head into the mat.

BJ: Reverse 'rana!

SD: Some call it the poisoned 'rana.

BJ: Which may be apt, because I think Corbin is dead!

Billy Roc on his knees on the mat, Diehard comes from behind with a STIFF Dragon kick, snapping the kick pad covered foot off the bare back of Billy Roc. Corbin back to his feet and woozily. Diehard goes for a spinning roundhouse kick at Corbin’s head, but Corbin ducks and Diehard lands on his face. Corbin hooks the legs and puts a foot in Diehard’s back for a modified surfboard. Billy Roc comes running in and nails a double stomp right on Diehard’s head.

BJ: Double team curb stomp!

SD: Or, if you are Dustin Lee there, FUCK that hurt!

Diehard out of play momentarily, Corbin and Roc pair off with a lock up. Corbin over powers and sends Roc into the ropes. Roc puts on the breaks and stops with assistance from the top rope. Corbin comes running at him, but Roc gets underneath him, tossing Corbin high over the top rope and to the arena floor with a high back body drop.

BJ: And out of the ring goes Corbin.

SD: I am guessing since we had floppidy earlier, it's time for some flippidy here.

BJ: I think you may be right.

Joey Eastman is over to Corbin to check on him as the screen doubles up, a Quizno’s logo below the larger of the two screens.

BJ: What’s with the sandwich logo?

SD: It’s the Quizno’s slam of the night.. Quizno’s.. the..

BJ: Wait, how can it be the highspot of the night, when we’re only five minutes into the PPV?

SD: Shut up, Ben. We’ve got a lot of selling out to do, and you sure as hell aren’t making this easy! Now shut up and eat your sub! Quizno’s, the official sub sponsor of World Championship Wrestling Alliance!

Back to live action, Corbin is slowly getting back to his feet on the arena floor and Billy Roc is calling for a dive. He stomps his feet momentarily before turning around and running towards the far ropes, running right into a fatal Yakuza kick from Diehard Dustin.

SD: Hey! Asshole! That was to be the flippidy!

BJ: And Lee just murders Roc with that boot.

SD: He hit him harder that Ike hit Tina!

BJ: Oh, very relevant.

SD: It's a long show.

BJ: This is match one.

SD: Hence, my point.

Diehard immediately down for a cover, hooking the far leg. 1.…2.… kick out at two and a half from Billy Roc and Joey Eastman can’t believe it at ringside, rolling Corbin into the ring as he expresses his shock. Smooth Pleasing has begun to cheer on Roc for the near fall as well.

SD: Why is it that Lee doesn't have a manager?

BJ: I don't know.

SD: It's racism.

BJ: What?

SD: The fact that he has black hair.

BJ: Oh, you have to be kidding me.

Diehard gathers up the still groggy Corbin in a suplex position, pulling him to center ring. Corbin wiggles out of it and into a rear waist lock. Standing switch by Diehard as Billy Roc gets back to his feet. Corbin is fighting the German suplex, getting down to his knees and Diehard doesn’t have enough muscle mass to get him up.

SD: Comparably speaking, he should have chucked Corbin.

BJ: Corbin fighting it off.

SD: But he weighs like 90 pounds.

BJ: He does not.

SD: It's close. Eat a damn sandwich!

BJ: Make sure it's a go...

SD: Do not EVEN go there.

Billy Roc comes running in and nails a shining wizard, clobbering Corbin right in the face with the knee, which allows Diehard to easily take him over for the German, which he bridges into a pin attempt. 1.…2.… count broken up by Roc at the near fall.

BJ: Shinning Wizard into the German.

SD: A Japanese move, and a German move by a pair of Americans. Nice to see how cultural we've become.

Diehard up. Billy Roc comes after him with a push. Diehard backs up a bit, but comes right back in to DRILL Billy Roc with a European Uppercut and Roc goes down. Diehard takes a moment to taunt, so Darin Corbin takes advantage, tossing himself on Billy Roc for a pin attempt. 1.…2.. Diehard sees it and pulls Darin Corbin off.

BJ: I think Corbin just angered Diehard.

SD: May be Diehard smash time.

BJ: "Diehard smash"?

SD: Like "Hulk" smash. But less green. Okay, Dustin is nearly a rookie. About as green

Corbin and Roc to their feet woozily. Diehard goes after Corbin, tossing him right over the top rope. He tries to attack Roc quickly with an elbow, but Roc blocks it. Roc for a lung blower attempt, but Diehard sand bags him and Roc hits the mat. Corbin slides back into the ring and school boys Diehard, hooking a handful of tights, 1.…2.… count broken up at two and a half by Billy Roc.

SD: That little guy is sneaky.

BJ: You'd think he was a leprechaun or something.

SD: Please, don't give our bookers any ideas.

BJ: Leprechauns in wrestling? HA! That'd NEVER get over!

All three men up to their feet. Roc with a dive towards Corbin, but Corbin ducks and pulls down the top rope and Roc crashes to the arena floor. Corbin stumbles to center ring talking trash. He turns around, Diehard comes after him, but Corbin sees him coming and catches him with a kick to the gut. Corbin gets Diehard in a power bomb position, but pauses to say exactly what he‘s going to do.

SD: Yeah, my ass that is happening.

BJ: You don't think Corbin can powerbomb him?

SD: Well, no.

BJ: Smart answer.

Corbin takes too much time and Diehard reverses it into a back body drop, but holds onto Corbin’s legs. Diehard drops down, dropping Corbin right on his dome with a Jig & Tonic.

BJ: And Dustin calls that the "Hard Drive".

SD: That is a retarded name. Doesn't fit his gimmick.

BJ: Blame Dustin.

Diehard holds it to a pin attempt, referee slides into position, 1.…2...3!

BJ: And Dustin Lee has become the first person to advance in Ménage a Trios.

SD: Want to bet Gertner was pissed when he found this tournament had mostly dudes?

BJ: Speaking of, Joel's standing backstage...

SD: That was not meant to be a segue!

The bell sounds as Darin Corbin crumbles when being released. Diehard back to his feet as “Heavy Metal Kings” by Jedi Mind Tricks hits over the P/A system.

MP: Your winner of this match, and advancing in the Ménage Et Trois tournament.. “Diehard” Dustin LEE!

Referee raises Diehard’s hand and instead of opting for a pile on with managers and friends, Diehard opts to head out the ropes and up the ramp. On his way up the ramp, he catches a camera man.

DDL: Hide yourselves.. The government is out to get you!!

Diehard walks away from the camera man and up the ramp, cutting a quick pose as we cut backstage.

Cut away to the interview area, where Joel Gertner stands by with Beef Wellington.

JG: Well, well, well, if it isn’t I, the Quintessential Stud Muffin, Joel “A tisket, a tasket, I’ll stick my brisket in your basket” standing by with the reigning and defending WCWA World Television champion Beef Wellington. Beef, tonight, you defend against your smallest challenge yet. I’m not sure what makes Jannetty a credible contender for the Television title.. Hell, I’ve ever beat him..

Beef goes from being jovial, to looking upset.

BW: You wanna go? I’ll fuck you up man, seriously, I’ll fuck you up..

Beef raises his fists, but brings them down, along with his jaw, when a third man steps into the interview area. Carrying a belt, albeit one much larger than the WCWA Television title, a replica WCW World Heavyweight title to be specific, is the one and only Iron Sheik. Beef stares on with shock as the Sheik wobbles towards him.

IS: Beefie baybay.. Choo not want to fite zee Gurtner, you focust on dat Jeebroni Marty Zajetty. Dat Jeebroni wanstu take jew shampeonchip, zee shampeonchip jew werks so har for Beefie..

BW: I have no idea what you just said.. But it seems important.. Go on..

IS: Ahh, Beefie, you are good peeple.. Zee Sheikie needs some help..

BW: Oh?

IS: Zee Sheikie needs he’s medesin, you know, from the black folk.. Where are zee black peeple around here, Beefie baybay?

BW: Uhh, there’s Evans..

IS: And zhis Evans, he have zee medicine?

BW: Possibly.. Hey, you’re a former champion.. You have any advice for me, in my match tonight?

IS: Beefie, jew git dat Jeebroni in zee camel crutch wif a suprex, den jew break his fuckin back, and jew fuck his ass!

BW: I don’t usually fuck asses.. My thing is punching asses..

IS: Jew fuck his ass an make’em umble, zee ol coontray way..

Sheik wobbles away from the interview area, albeit very slowly.

BW: I’m kinda glad I wasn’t around in the old country, if they were fucking each other in the ass..

Cut to the announce table, where Ben Jordan looks shocked and Shane Douglas looks absolutely disgusted.

BJ: What the hell did we just see? Does that usually happen around here?

SD: No, and I thank God for that, because knowing Beef, he’s probably going to try to anally violate Jannetty tonight now..

BJ: *shudders*.. Moving to a much less gay topic..

“Hurt” by Johnny Cash begins to play, as a graphic appears on screen for the upcoming Mickie Knuckles versus LuFisto grudge match.

SD: These two women are seriously disturbed..

BJ: This one is an issue of respect, Mickie thinks LuFisto has disrespected her by calling herself the Queen of Hardcore.. And to get to this match, Mickie has jumped through hoops.

SD: And Conquistador outfits!

BJ: And broken bonds with long time friends.. Let’s send it up to Mel Phillips for the introductions..

Cut to the ring, where Mel Phillips stands with a microphone in hand.

MP: The following match is a special attraction women’s grudge match.. It is scheduled for one fall, with a thirty minute time limit.

“We Die Young” by Alice in Chains hits over the P/A system and LuFisto makes her way through the curtain in a stunning pink pleather mini skirt and matching top. LuFisto makes her way down the ramp quickly, passing by several fans who have their hands extended.

MP: Making her way to the ring, from Montreal, Quebec, Canada, weighing in tonight at one hundred and thirty seven pounds, she is “The Missionary of Violence” and the “Queen of Hardcore Wrestling”.. This is LUFISTO!

LuFisto slides into the ring, stretching out in the ropes momentarily as her music cuts off.

BJ: And true to her music, “We Die Young” may be appropriate.. Because these two young ladies are going to try to kill each other.

The camera pans up the entrance way as “Redneck Woman” by Gretchen Wilson begins to play over the P/A system. Mickie Knuckles wastes no time running down the ramp.

MP: And from Louisville, Kentucky, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty five pounds, she is Mickie KNUCKLES!

Mel barely finishes his abbreviated introduction before Mickie hits the ring. Mel bails out of the other side as Mickie gets up swinging. LuFisto with a hard chop, Mickie rubs it momentarily and comes back, striking LuFisto right above the ear. LuFisto comes back with a kick to the ribs, a punch, followed up by a Lou Thesz press and mounted punches.

BJ: And it hasn’t taken long for this to break down.

SD: Ben, you’ve not been here. These two have had some wars. And now, with a pay-per-view stage, I only expect the violence to get worse.

BJ: This match will determine who the true “First Lady of Hardcore” is.

SD: Um, it was Lizzy Borden, Ben.

BJ: Not that kind of hardcore, Shane.

SD: Oh

LuFisto off of Mickie and a house of fire as the crowd showers her in cheers, but from behind comes Mickie Knuckles, catching LuFisto with a chop block and taking out the knee.

BJ: You know, for wanting to prove how "hardcore" she is, that chop block seems like a shortcut.

SD: Call it what you want, it's still effective, Ben.

LuFisto slow back to her feet, crawling on her hands and knees. Mickie walks up to her and VIOLENTLY kicks her right in the forehead. LuFisto is rocked backwards from the vile kick, and lands on her rear end on the mat. Mickie into the far ropes, but LuFisto nips up. Mickie comes back at her, and LuFisto dives through the air and nails Mickie with a spinning heel kick.

BJ: Some striking early, but for now they seem content to wrestle.

SD: That won't last long. These two will be beating the shit out of each other in no time. That kick you saw is just the beginning

LuFisto grabs Mickie by her pony tail and jerks her back to her feet. Referee Derek Sabato tells LuFisto to get out of the hair, but LuFisto tells him to fuck off. Mickie with some shots to the mid section to escape the hair pulling. Mickie out of the grip and she grabs a handful of LuFisto’s hair, whipping her backwards to the mat by her pig tails.

SD: A hairmare? Really?

BJ: What's so wrong with a hairmare?

SD: These two can wrestle. That move is straight up diva bullshit.

Sabato warns Mickie of the hair pulling as well, but Mickie’s having none of it as she goes right after LuFisto. LuFisto is able to regain her composure though, and drills Mickie right between the legs. LuFisto pulls back, her hands still in knuckles, no pun intended, as Mickie crumbles to the mat.

SD: Did she just punch Mickie in the...?

BJ: We're in enough trouble with the censors. Yes, she punched her there.

SD: And somewhere in southern California, Chris Bosh is bitching.

LuFisto up to her feet, into the far ropes and she comes back, diving with a back senton, her legs extended upwards, squashing her full body weight down across the chest and mid section of Mickie. LuFisto back to her feet and she’s calling for the roaring elbow.

BJ: And talk about adding insult to injury.

SD: What are you talking about Ben?

BJ: LuFisto just used a kicking back senton. Another person that makes good use of that move is Chris Hero, who also happens to be one of Mickie Knuckles' trainers!

Mickie up to her feet slowly and LuFisto comes spinning in for the roaring elbow, but Mickie is able to duck. Mickie with a go behind into a full nelson. Mickie lifts LuFisto up, then drops her down with the full nelson across her knee.

BJ: Full nelson backbreaker!

SD: That looked like it hurt like a bitch! Beyond ridicious! Who keeps inventing new ways to back break people?

BJ: No clue, but they certainly have no remorse

SD: That, or they are from the next generation..

BJ: Trying too hard there, Shane.

Mickie backs up a bit as LuFisto slowly gets to her knees. Mickie comes running in, one leg out, going for the shining wizard, but LuFisto gets both arms up and blocks it. LuFisto up to a vertical base, she spins for a roaring elbow, but Mickie ducks it and LuFisto goes right over her head, but LuFisto spins back and NAILS Mickie with a back fist and Mickie goes DOWN!

SD: HOLEE SHIT! That back fist would make Kingston jealous!

BJ: So, we've had a Hero, and a Kingston reference in this match. Where's Messiah's plug?

SD: Didn't we mention Lizzy Borden earlier?

BJ: I said Messiah plug, not butt plug..

SD: Now who’s trying too hard, Ben?

LuFisto with a lateral press on Mickie, referee Derek Sabato into position for the pin, 1.…2... Kick out from Mickie and LuFisto can’t believe it! LuFisto back to her feet and she’s calling for another back fist. Mickie slow back up, using Sabato’s shirt for leverage. LuFisto spins, going for the back fist again, but this time, Mickie is able to duck it and LuFisto clobbers Sabato.

SD: I'd say I feel bad for Sabato, but that is the first time a woman has touched him since the first Bush administration!

BJ: Well, that's not true.

SD: Regan?

BJ: Yeah, election talk. Topical. It’s 2006 you numbskull. Wait until 2008 for those jokes.

LuFisto checks on the downed referee for a moment. Realizing he’s dead, LuFisto goes back after Mickie, but Mickie has recovered quite a bit and drills LuFisto with a heart punch. LuFisto stunned, Mickie grabs her in an arm bar and sends her sailing into the ropes with an Irish Whip. Mickie comes running in herself and hits an elbow. LuFisto starts to fall out of the corner, but Mickie pushes her right back.

SD: I think we’d be better off if we gave our refs more protection.

BJ: You mean those Trojans backstage weren’t for the wrestlers?

SD: I am not even going to go there.

Mickie to the second rope and she’s really laying into LuFisto with the punches as the crowd counts along. One, two, three.. Mickie pauses to tell the crowd to shut the hell up and flip them off, which proves to be a fatal mistake, as LuFisto gets underneath Mickie. With a handful of waist band for leverage, LuFisto comes out of the corner and brutally power bombs Mickie Knuckles center ring. LuFisto with a cover, but Sabato is still out of it.

BJ: Is there a doctor in the house?

SD: I do not think so.

BJ: How about a Dean?

SD: Didn’t take you long to go there, did it?

BJ: Well, when in Rome…

LuFisto’s had enough, rolling to the outside and grabbing a steel chair. She tosses the chair into the ring, but Mickie, slow to her feet, holding her lower back, is able to intercept the chair, simply tossing it out of LuFisto‘s reach. LuFisto back into the ring, sticking her head in first. Mickie is fast on the attack, drilling LuFisto right in the forehead with a sickening Kawada kick. LuFisto stumbles into the ring. Mickie with a cover, but Sabato is still down.

SD: God damn!

BJ: Sickening Kawada kick there from Mickie Knuckles!

Mickie goes after the chair now. A few taps on the mat with the chair and she’s prepared to take LuFisto’s head off with it. LuFisto slow to her feet. Mickie swings it sideways going for a full facial shot, but LuFisto ducks under the chair. Mickie thinks quick and tosses the chair to LuFisto. She’s going for the Van Daminator, but LuFisto is thinking on her feet, throwing the chair right back at Mickie, crowning the red head with the chair. Mickie goes down with the chair over her head like an excess necklace.

SD: Looks like Mickie just picked up some extra black bling.

BJ: You are way too white to be saying that!

SD: How dare you! My homies love me!

BJ: And that proves my theory

LuFisto is calling for another back fist. LuFisto spins in for the back fist, but Mickie ducks this time as well. Mickie firing back with chops and kicks, but LuFisto has gained fighting spirit and feels no damage, simply yelling off the pain. Mickie grabs LuFisto by the ears and begins to lay in the head butts. LuFisto takes two, then is able to return them, grabbing Mickie’s head the same way and bashing skulls together.

SD: You know, when I picture two chicks banging, this isn’t what I have in mind.

BJ: And that pretty much guarantees we lose one of our providers.

SD: Hey, I’d recommend the channel up two from us. They have the good stuff. After the PPV, of course.

BJ: Of course.

Both girls ram their heads together for sickening thuds. Mickie is now split wide open, either from the head butts, the chair shot, or a combination of the two. Mickie’s blood is flowing thick enough from the head butts that it leaves blood behind on LuFisto’s forehead and stains of crimson through LuFisto’s blonde locks. The crowd is shocked at what they are seeing. LuFisto is finally able to knock Mickie down, but is very woozily herself, eventually falling to her butt

BJ: And both girls go down!

SD: Speaking of…

BJ: Shut the hell up, Douglas. Show some respect.

SD: Is that a spine, Jordan? You may be okay after all.

Both girls are down, Sabato slowly back to his feet. He’s feeling woozily, but in the time he was down, has become the best conditioned person in the ring. Once he’s regained his bearings, he starts the standing ten count on both girls.

SD: And even after getting the absolute SHIT knocked out of him, Sabato is the only person standing.

BJ: That’s because Mickie and LuFisto have beaten the hell out of each other

LuFisto is the first to stir. Mickie back up, but very slowly. LuFisto from behind Mickie and she’s going for the torture rack. She gets Mickie up onto her shoulders, but Mickie’s able to slide down and back to her feet.

BJ: Looks like LuFisto was going for that Burning Hammer, but Mickie escaped.

SD: Good thing too, because if LuFisto hits that, it’s curtains for Mickie.

Mickie with a couple of elbows to the back of the head of LuFisto. LuFisto turns around and Mickie catches her in the gut with a kick. LuFisto doubles over and Mickie grabs her head, jumping high and nailing the double arm DDT, intentionally or otherwise dropping LuFisto’s dome on the steel chair.

BJ: Double-arm DDT!

SD: Bang, bang!

BJ: Groan.

Mickie down for a pin, quickly sliding the chair out from under LuFisto and out of the ring as Sabato slides into position. 1.….2.…3!

BJ: And the double-arm DDT on the steel spells the end for LuFisto here.

SD: Why do I get the feeling this isn't over, though?

BJ: Probably because it's not.

The bell sounds as Mel Phillips comes over the P/A system to make the announcement.

MP: Your winner of this match, “The Walking Episode of COPS” Mickie Knuckles!

“Redneck Woman” by Gretchen Wilson begins to play as Mickie slides out of the ring, heading up the ramp, raising her hands in victory. LuFisto has yet to move from the brutal Rotten Rush on the chair. Mickie through the curtain and LuFisto is finally stirring, making her way to the back with help from various referees and ring attendants.

Cut backstage to Joel Gertner, who is with Ruckus, Sabian, and Robby Mireno. They stand near a WCWA HURT backdrop, a solid aluminum ladder standing in front of them.

JG: Well, well, well, if it isn't I, The Quintessential Stud Muffin, Joel "Not the Jake the Snake of Getting Baked, but you should say your prayers, your psalms, and all that other jazz, because Gertner 4:69 says I just fucked your mom’s ass" Gertner.

Gertner pauses for a moment as the live audience has erupted into a deafening “Gert-Ner! Gert-Ner!” chant. Once the crowd calms down, Joel continues.

JG: And I am here with the BLK Out, Ruckus and Sabian, along with Robby Mireno, who are just moments away from their WCWA World Tag Team titles shot against The Backseat Boys, and tonight, it’s a ladder match. Your thoughts?

Gertner hands the microphone over to Ruckus.

Ruckus: Yo, listen to this shit, Gertner, no one get higher than the BLK Out. Tonight, we gonna smoke Acid and Kashqueer like high class weed.

Sabian (leaning in): Then we gonna fuck some white bitches.

Ruckus: And we gonna party all fuckin night long like only the BLK Out can.

Ruckus hands the microphone off to Mireno.

RM: Because believe me motha fuckas, you ALWAYS bet on black!

The camera pans backwards a bit, Mireno holding the microphone in awkward silence.

RM: Yo, where’s Evans for the “BIOTCH?”

The camera does a quick spin to Jack Evans, standing by with the Iron Sheik.

JE: Fo’rizzle? That’s how shiznit was dizone in da ol contray yo?

IS: For rizzeal. Now, jew know vat de Cheekie nee for ’es medesin?

JE: Yo, homeboy got you covered.

Pan back to the BLK Out, who all are staring at Evans.

JE: Oh shiznit, homie dropped da ball. Too late for mah pizart homies?

Fade out and back to ringside, where Shane Douglas looks more upset than usual.

SD: We brought in Sheik, for this?? Couldn’t we at least put him in a battle royal??

BJ: Jack Evans may be the whitest guy ever.

SD: I dunno, Bryan Danielson is damn white.

BJ: True dat, playa.

SD: I sit corrected.

BJ (Chuckling): All joking aside, this next match has all the makings for a high impact car wreck..

A graphic appears on the screen promoting the next match, The Backseat Boys on one side, Ruckus and Sabian on the other, a ladder between the two teams. “Hurt” by Johnny Cash plays as the graphic is displayed.

SD: These two teams are going to destroy each other and use ladders in ways that they obviously weren’t intended for. I’ve never been more excited with my pants on in my life!

BJ (sighs): Let’s send it up to Mel Phillips for the introductions!

Cut to Mel Phillips standing center ring, a microphone in hand.

MP: The following match is scheduled for one fall, it is for the WCWA World Tag Team championships, and it will be a LADDER MATCH!

Pan upwards to the title belts already hanging high above the ring as the crowd cheers wildly. Pull back from the titles and up the entrance way, where one ladder stands in the middle, and several more line the guardrails.

MP: First.. The challengers..

“I’m a Hustla” by Jay Z hits over the P/A system and Robby Mireno comes stomping out onto the stage and down the ramp. Following shortly behind Mireno is Sabian, dragging the ladder that they had previously had at the interview area, then Ruckus.

MP: Being accompanied to the ring by “The Frank Sinatra of Professional Wrestling, Primo” Robby Mireno.. First, from Chocolate City, weighing in at an estimated street value of $14 million dollars, he is the “Jake the Snake of Getting Baked, The Michael Hayes of Getting Blazed, and the Bruce Lee of OHHHHH WEEEEEE” this is RUCKUS! And his tag team partner, also from Chocolate City, weighing in tonight at an estimated street value of $12.5 million dollars, he is “The Floyd Mayweather of Fucking White Bitches because they pay better, The Barrack Obama of Smokin Marijuana, and Pistol Pez Whatley HIMSELF” He is “The Black Jesus” SABIAN! Together, they are the BLK OUT!

BJ: Can we say that about Barrack Obama?

SD: I can't see why not. We've done it before.

BJ: This will mean something by the time this airs.

SD: It airs in January 2006.

BJ: Oh, yee of little faith.

The BLK Out have hit the ring, Mireno simply staying on the outside for this one. Cut to a pre-taped promo, where the WCWA World Tag Team Champion Backseat Boys stand by a HURT backdrop, manager Jim Cornette standing with them with his trusty tennis racket in hand. In the upper right hand of the screen, it says “earlier tonight”

JC: Tonight, in that very ring, you will bare witness to stupidity and retardation behind comprehension. And then Jannetty and Beef will get out of the ring and let the wrestlers actually wrestle. Tonight, my Backseat Boys are being forced to defend their titles in a ladder match. What climbing a ladder and pulling down some belts has to do with rasslin, I’ll never know, but the geniuses that book this dog and pony show thought that there wasn’t enough plunder on the show, so my Backseat Boys get to do some stupid gimmick like this. BLK Out, you common criminals, you may think you’re “street” and that you “run with a big posse” but boys, that don’t have nothing to with rasslin. And believe me mother f’ers, when you always bet, you eventually lose your buck.

With a genital motion, Acid hops in.

TA: Biotches~!

Back to a live shot, the BLK Out’s music has long faded out. Ruckus and Sabian stand center ring, anxiously awaiting the champions. The lights come to a dim, a strobe focusing over the entrance way as “The Chase” by Giorgio Moroder begins to play over the P/A system. Acid and Kashmire make their way through the curtain, Jim Cornette following behind them, tennis racket in hand.

MP: And their opponents, being accompanied to the ring by “The Manager of Champions” James E. Cornette, first, from South Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty five pounds, he is “The International Superstar” Trent ACID! And his tag team partner, also from South Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in tonight at one hundred and ninety two pounds.. He is Johnny Kashmire, together, they are the reigning and defending World Championship Wrestling Alliance World Tag Team Champions.. The BACKSEAT BOYS!!

Acid and Kashmire to ringside, slowly removing their ring jackets and walking single file up the ring steps and into the ring. Ruckus and Sabian try to make the jump, but referee Bryce Remsburg gets between them, Acid and Kashmire only adding fuel to the fire by taunting the BLK Out.

BJ: Makes you wonder what Lane and Eaton think about Acid and Kashmire stealing their music.

SD: They did not steal it. They recycled it. It's green team to the rescue.

BJ: And to think, you used to be a 'dean'.

SD: Hey, it was a dumb gimmick.

Acid and Kashmire finally enter the ring and Bryce calls for the bell, officially starting this World Tag Team Titles ladder match.

BJ: And we’re under way.

The two teams circle around the ring. Double lock up, Acid with Ruckus, Sabian with Kashmire. Acid and Kashmire over power the much smaller BLK Out members and send them into the far ropes. BLK Out come back, Acid and Kashmire duck down for back body drops, but BLK Out nail them with double drop kicks right to the top of the head. The Backseats go down and slide out of the ring.

BJ: And young meets old, as a double dropkick takes the Backseats out of the ring.

SD: Ruckus and Sabian may goof around a lot, but they can both bust ass in the ring. Acid and Kashmere better not take them lightly or the WCWA tag straps won't be going back with the Backseats

The Backseats are trying to regain their composure on the floor. The BLK Out start clapping in the ring then dart into the ropes. Ruckus dives up and over the top rope with a tope suicidia, Sabian between the top and middle ropes and with a dive and both Backseats are effectively taken out with dives. BLK Out get back to their feet as the fans go crazy.

BJ: And the BLK Out are flying high.

SD: Well, no higher then usual.

BJ: It was a metaphor, Shane.

SD: Well, it was a bad one, Ben.

Once back to his feet, Ruckus wastes no time, grabbing a ladder from the guardrail and sliding it into the ring. Ruckus slides the ladder into the ring, then hops up to the guardrail. Kashmire is back to his feet. Ruckus backs up like he’s going to go for a dive, but Trent Acid comes in and clips the foot, causing Ruckus to trip right on the apron, smacking his face violently off the unpadded apron before crumbling to the floor.

SD: Smart move by Kashmire.

BJ: Ruckus face first into the ring apron, and it looks like the Backseats are back in control here.

Sabian comes diving in after Acid, clobbering him with a forearm. Meanwhile, Johnny Kashmire has slid into the ring and set the ladder up just underneath the tag team title belts. Kashmire starts up the ladder, climbing quickly, but Sabian spots him. Sabian slides back into the ring and pushes the ladder over, but Kashmire sees him coming and is able to land on his feet

BJ: Kashmire again thinking quick, able to land on his feet.

SD: And with Ruckus down, if Acid makes his way to his feet, Sabian could be in trouble here.

Kashmire comes running at Sabian, but Sabian catches him and drops him with a VICIOUS spine buster, right onto the ladder! Sabian hops up, victoriously taunting to the crowd, much to their approval.

SD: And now, even Kashmire's smartness has come to an end.

BJ: Evil spine buster by Sabian there, sending Kashmire back first into the ladder.

SD: Which I am going to guess doesn't feel good.

BJ: Seems like a safe bet to me there, Shane.

Back into the ring is Trent Acid, immediately going after Sabian. Acid grabs Sabian by the arm and attempts to whip him into the ropes, but Sabian reverses it and sends Acid sailing in. Sabian runs in for a splash attempt but Acid gets out of the way and Sabian ends up crotching himself, sitting on the middle turnbuckle and facing outwards.

SD: Well, we knew Sabian was nuts. And now, he just landed on them! HAHAHAHA!

BJ: Oh, that's real funny. Been reading Jerry Lawler's joke book?

SD: Do not compare me to that pompous ass, new guy. Or your stay here will be shorter then Kloss'.

Acid pulls Sabian’s head down and puts him in a modified tree of woe position, Sabian’s lack of height making up for the hook not being over the top rope. Acid grabs the ladder that was previously set up and lays it across the face of Sabian. Acid makes devil horns on his head as he backs up into the far corner, then runs in for a missile drop kick right into the corner into the ladder, into Sabian’s face.

SD: B-Boy in the house, yo.

BJ: As Acid has just put to use a move from a former stable mate of his from another promotion.

SD: A promotion all four have worked for.

Ruckus is back in play, but is met immediately with rabid forearms and kicks from Johnny Kashmire. Ruckus tries to fight back, but Acid gives him a Pearl Harbor job from behind and the Backseats have Ruckus down. Acid calls for a second ladder, which manager Jim Cornette gladly hands into the ring. Acid lays the ladder down in the center of the ring, positioning it for something.

BJ: For someone who didn't want his team in a ladder match, Cornette sure passed it in there quickly.

SD: Well, Ben, when in Rome...

BJ: It's okay to be a hypocrite?

SD: Apparently.

Acid goes back to work on Ruckus, he and Kashmire double teaming Ruckus and pulling him up to a vertical base. Double whip into the ropes from the Backseats, sending Ruckus as far as possible into the ropes without him having to pass over the ladder center ring. Ruckus rebounds back into them, where they both catch a leg and lift him high into the air, dropping him with a double gut buster right onto the ladder.

BJ: Double face first flapjack!

SD: Gut first into the ladder. He's not going to be able to process food correctly for a month!

BJ: About the time of Trial and Error.

SD: Nice segue.

BJ: Why thank you.

Acid back to the ladder that he previously dropkicked into Sabian. Acid starts the climb up, but Sabian is right back into action, walking right behind Acid, who was three rungs up the ladder by this point. Sabian hooks Acid by the belt loop and pulls him off the ladder for a SICKENING power bomb!

BJ: And Sabian power bombs Acid off the ladder!

SD: But you'll notice Ben, that he did not sit out with it. While sitting out would have generated more force, it would have also made it take longer for Sabian to be in the position to climb the ladder. Sometimes, you have to make those sacrifices in a match like this!

BJ: That is an excellent point, Shane.

SD: I wasn't a 'Dean' for nothing.

BJ: You aren't a 'Dean' either.

SD: They know what I meant.

Sabian and Kashmire are the last two standing at this point. Kashmire with a clothesline attempt on Sabian, but Sabian ducks right under him and Kashmire ends up clothes lining nothing but the previously climbed on ladder. The ladder lands on the top rope and stays laying diagonally partially standing.

BJ: Oh, I do not have a good feeling about that.

SD: I think Sabian's about to fuck Kashmire up!

BJ: Appears to be the case...

Ruckus back up and with the second ladder in his hands. He lifts it up and puts it over his head and arms. He begins to spin. Trent Acid gets up and walks right into a ladder shot to the chin. Johnny Kashmire back to his feet and Ruckus pops him right in the mouth with the steel ladder leg. Sabian is up and Ruckus nearly takes him out with the ladder, but Sabian is able to duck and avoid it. Ruckus stops with both Backseats down on the mat.

BJ: And Ruckus paying tribute to the "Living Legend" Terry Funk.

SD: That old, heat stealing fucker.

BJ: I don't even want to know.

SD: Trust me, you don't.

BJ: Drilling the Backseats with the ladder..

SD: Would that be gay bashing?

BJ: Would you stop??

Sabian goes to the ladder that’s leaning on the ropes and pulls it back to a standing position. Sabian starts the trek up the ladder, but Trent Acid quickly climbs the other side. They meet at the top. Switch to a camera angle from up top, showing the two men standing high in the air.

SD: QUICK! WIL-E-COYOTE CAM!

BJ: Will you calm down? I don't think we have one here. (As the angle switches)

SD: Oh, but we do! And apparently the view comes with peanuts.

BJ: Well, they fly high. No lie.

SD: Not funny.

BJ: Someone will get it.

A hard right ten feet in the air from Acid, Sabian returns the blow. Ruckus wants Acid off the ladder and he takes his ladder and nails Acid with it. Acid loses his balance and falls from the ladder, but in the process knocks the ladder over, taking Sabian off as well. Acid stumbles to the outside of the ring.

SD: Car crash!

BJ: Remember folks, they know how to land!

SD: Who are you, Jim Ross?

BJ: Well, it was supposed to be a parody.

SD: It was supposed to be funny, but it wasn't that either.

Ruckus stands the ladder back up and starts to climb it. Kashmire gets up enough to lift the ladder up from the side Ruckus wasn’t climbing, sending Ruckus sailing to the arena floor. A close up from the camera man on Kashmire’s face, his mouth now oozing blood, down his chin and dripping onto his chest.

SD: You bust my mouth, I bust your ass!

BJ: Payback for the ladder shot from earlier, as Kashmire sends Ruckus to the floor!

SD: Next thing you know, he's going to make him humble!

BJ: Well, we know Sheik is in the house. It's possible.

Kashmire starts climbing the ladder now, his blood dripping from the ladder and leaving a bloodstain on the mat far below. Sabian gets back to his feet and comes up from behind Kashmire, climbing the ladder just below Kashmire. Kashmire is now to the top of the ladder, his fingers just inches away from the World Tag Team title belts. Sabian comes from behind him and grabs him, bringing him off the ladder with a hellacious Russian leg sweep, both men violently crashing to the mat far below.

BJ: Russian leg sweep from the ladder!

SD: So impressive, I think I heard Nikita Kolov go "DAMN" from here.

BJ: If you are joining us, Nikita...we thank you. If you ordered it legally, of course.

Ruckus back up to his feet and he tries to scale the ring apron, yet another ladder in his hands, but Trent Acid meets him there and takes the ladder away. Ruckus with a standing drop kick on the ring apron into the ladder, sending Acid and the ladder sailing backwards off the ring apron, the ladder nearly flying over the guardrail.

SD: Jesus Christ, you fucking morons! We've been sued enough as it is!

BJ: Ruckus wiping out Acid, and nearly the front row too!

SD: That was not bright, guys!

Ruckus scrambles back to his feet and back into the ring where he starts the trek up the ladder center ring. He’s halfway there, but Johnny Kashmire stops him with a low blow and Ruckus falls backwards right off the ladder.

BJ: And Kashmire goes low, taking Ruckus off the ladder.

SD: I've heard stories of Kashmire going low on dudes, but I do not think that is what they meant...

BJ: Oh, will you stop it?

Kashmire makes a quick climb up the ladder. He’s going unopposed to the championship belts. He’s at the top of the ladder. The Backseat Boys have this match won.. But Robby Mireno darts into the ring and swoops the ladder right up from underneath Kashmire. Kashmire is now hanging from the belt loop high in the air. Mireno folds up the ladder and walks under Kashmire, casually jabbing him between the legs with the top of the ladder. Kashmire loses his grip and falls flat back all the way back to the mat.

BJ: Now, that is how you go low on someone!

SD: Do you have any idea how gay that sounded?

BJ: Sadly, yes I do.

Mireno sets the ladder back up and grabs Sabian, sending him to the top. Sabian is moving slowly, but moving with the encouragement of Mireno. Trent Acid back into the ring now, Sabian nearly to the top of the ladder. Acid runs in and nails Mireno with a super kick, and Mireno falls into the ladder, knocking it over and sending Sabian flying to the outside off the top of the ladder.

BJ: Oh, Mireno's going to hear about that one!

SD: Assuming Sabian gets up, you mean.

BJ: Well, yeah. Mireno better hope he doesn't.

Acid sets a ladder up across the top rope, grabbing up Ruckus and smashing his head against it, just for good measure, before climbing the ladder center ring. Acid starts his climb up the ladder, scaling the steel one hung at a time. He’s to the top and reaching for the titles. Ruckus regains his senses and goes after him. Acid has a hold of one of the Tag Team title belts, but he’s having issues keeping it steady enough on the belt hook to unbuckle it.

SD: Ruckus better hurry the fuck up.

BJ: Looks like Acid is about to retain the tag belts for the Backseats!

Ruckus comes up the ladder quickly. He nails Acid with a low blow and Acid loses his grip of the title belt that he had. Acid doubles over on the top of the ladder. Ruckus is standing just behind him, slowly working his way so he’s balancing on both sides of the ladder at once. Ruckus grabs Acid by the head and shoves him off the ladder. Acid does a flip as he falls before crashing into the ladder he had previously set up across the ropes. The ladder bounces as it crumbles, folding up slightly as Acid crumbles.

SD: And it's Acid going off the ladder.

BJ: I think we can assume that they are within moments of losing the belts now!

SD: Well, with Ruckus about to climb back up...

Ruckus slides back up to one side of the ladder the way a ladder is meant to be climbed and right to the top. Ruckus reaches up and unhooks one of the WCWA Tag Team title belts.

SD: Ruckus has the belt!

BJ: And we have new tag champions!

The bell sounds as Ruckus slips off the ladder, crashing to the mat, clinching one of the two WCWA World Tag Team titles as he lands to the mat. “I’m a Hustla” by Jay Z begins to play over the P/A system, Mel Phillips making the announcement official.

MP: And your winners of this match.. And the NEWWWWWW!!!!! WCWA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLDDDD!!!!! The BLK Out.. Ruckus and SABIAN!!!

Robby Mireno immediately hits the ring, quickly climbing up the ladder to retrieve the other World Tag Team title. Ruckus has problems getting to his feet, but with help from Mireno, he does exactly that. As Sabian rolls back into the ring and accepts his Tag Team title belt, Allison Danger and Jack Evans make their way down the ramp, Evans with the WCWA Junior Heavyweight title draped over his shoulder. Mireno finds a near by camera man as BLK Out celebrate behind him.

RM: I TOLD YOU! I TOLD ALL YOUR MOTHER FUCKERS!! THE BLK OUT ALWAYS BRINGS HOME THE GOLD!! TAG TITLES, JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE.. KING IS BRINGING HOME THE WORLD TITLE.. BET ON BLACK BITCHES!!

Pan to the outside, where Jim Cornette has gathered his Backseat Boys, both looking worse for wear. Kashmire’s face is completely covered with blood spatterings from his busted lip, Acid clutching his ribs that are already externally bruised. The Backseats and Cornette retreat to the backstage area, their heads hung low, as the BLK Out continues to celebrate in the ring.

Cut backstage to Joel Gertner. Gertner is standing in front of a WCWA HURT backdrop. Standing next to him is Marty Jannetty.

JG: Well, well, well, if it isn’t I, the Quintessential Stud Muffin, Joel “I showed up at HURT, and wouldn‘t you know.. I found a pretty young thing and she swallowed me whole!” Gertner, standing by with Marty Jannetty. Jannetty, tonight you’re going to lose in another Television title match to Beef Wellington.. What are your plans afterwards? I hear Elsa Bangz will screw pretty much anyone.. You might have a chance..

Jannetty looks less than pleased, walking away from the interview area without saying a word.

JG: See, I knew he liked cock. Back to you, Shane.

Cut back to ringside, where Shane Douglas sits with a smirk on his face, Ben Jordan shuffling through notes.

BJ: What a title match that was that we have just seen!

SD: A competitive, high flying car wreck! And now.. We move on to something completely different.

A graphic comes up on the screen. On the left side is Beef Wellington, the right Marty Jannetty. Below both of them is the words “WCWA World Television Title Match” as “Hurt” by Johnny Cash plays in the background.

BJ: It’ll certainly be something..

SD: I’m saying Beef over Jannetty in around five minutes. Probably with ass-based offense..

BJ: Let’s send it to Mel Phillips!

Cut to the center of the ring, where Mel Phillips stands. Several ring crew attendants are still hauling away ladders.

MP: The following match is scheduled for one fall, with a thirty minute time limit, and it is for the WCWA World Television championship!

The crowd goes nuts, knowing that perpetual fan favorite Beef Wellington is about to grace the ring. Their cheers quickly turn to boos with a spattering of laughter as “Living After Midnight” by Judas Priest hits over the PA System. Marty Jannetty makes his way out onto the stage.

MP: First, the challenger, from Clearwater, Florida, weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty six pounds and a kilo, he is the “Midnight Rocker” Marty Jannetty!

Jannetty makes his way down the ramp, quickly sliding into the ring and going to the corner for a quick pose.

BJ: What I want to know is how does he get into the building with the kilo?

SD: You'd have to ask Robby Mireno that.

BJ: And what does that mean?

SD: Where do you think he gets it from? And if you make a Tyrone Biggums joke here, I will personally pay Eastman to have Damage punch you hard. In the face.

The lights go dim.. On the big screen is nothing but black. However, we hear slams and a hot, fiery crowd cheering loudly. A new noise is heard, a grunted laugh familiar to everyone in the crowd and at home. Suddenly, over the big screen, come the men who revolutionized the 90s.. That inspired an entire generation and revolutionized the music industry as we know it. Sitting on a couch, side by side, are Beavis and Butthead.

Beavis: *grunting guitar*

Butthead: Shut up Beavis.. Wrestling’s on..

Beavis: Hey look.. LOOK! This guy is touching himself

Butthead: That is kick ass..

Beavis: Heehee.. He's touching himself.. On TV..

A quick ninety degree spin in Beavis & Butthead’s world goes to a TV screen, where Beef Wellington is simulating masturbation. This leads to the opening cords of "Medal", cutting off following the intro with a loud "MOOO", which leads into "Hangin Tough" by The New Kids on the Block. After five introductions to his song, Beef Wellington finally makes his way through the curtain, the WCWA Television championship in hand.

BJ: I can’t believe we aired that..

SD: I can’t believe we paid for that..

BJ: We didn’t..

Mel Phillips makes the introduction.

MP: And now, the WCWA World Television champion. From the Backstage Area, weighing in tonight at two hundred and nineteen and one quarter pound with cheese, light lettuce, and extra pickles, this is Beef WELLINGTON!

BJ: It tells you how over Beef is that a wrestling crowd is not booing him out of the building for using a New Kids on the Block song.

SD: I think it's more telling that you know who the New Kids on the Block were.

BJ: Oh, fuck off.

SD: Hence, the problem.

Beef makes his way down the ramp, slapping several hands, shaking his cow bell in a comical way. Beef slides into the ring and goes to the ropes for a pose, but Jannetty attacks him from behind, jerking him right off the top rope. Referee Ollie Tharp calls for the bell, retrieving the WCWA Television title from the mat and lifting it in the air, telling all that while this match will be shenanigans filled, it IS for the World Television title.

SD: How this chicanery is involved with the TV title, I'll never know.

BJ: Beef's over. He deserved a belt. And it's not like the TV title has done much before.

SD: I don't know. Shelley used it as a springboard.

BJ: Yeah. To be Kevin Nash's bitch. Real impressive.

SD: Yeah, because what an accomplishment it would have been to main event an Elite Pro show

Opening bell and this World Television title match is under way. Jannetty attacks the downed Beef with stomps and kicks, Beef actually cowering in pain from Jannetty’s attack. Jannetty grabs the cowbell that Beef brought to the ring with him and smacks Beef across the back. Referee Ollie Tharp warns Jannetty of a disqualification. Jannetty tosses the bell to the outside.

BJ: It saddens me that we lost out on a Heenan opportunity there.

SD: Agreed. Very sad indeed.

BJ: You even know what I am talking about?

SD: Yes. One of us has worked with Bobby Heenan before, and it's not you, pal.

BJ: So, you're acknowledging your time with WCW?

SD: Acknowledging, yes. Proud of? No.

Jannetty pulls Beef up to a vertical base. Clubbing rights from Jannetty, actually on the offense for once. Jannetty locks on an arm bar, twisting away. Beef seems to be thinking. He sticks his free arm underneath the arm barred arm, wiggling his fingers a bit. Jannetty grabs that hand with his free hand. Beef uses their newly formed under bond to break the arm bar, lifting up and busting through.

SD: Time out.

BJ: What?

SD: These two are wrestling?

BJ: That is what's on the marquee, right?

SD: Well, yes. But this is supposed to be the comedy relief/piss break match. What the fuck, guys?

Jannetty seems a bit frustrated that Beef has out smarted him. Jannetty comes running at Beef for a double axe handle smash, but Jannetty takes him down with a belly to belly suplex. Jannetty back up and tries the same, Beef throwing him with another belly to belly. Jannetty up again, running for ANOTHER double axe handle and once more, Beef catches him and throws him with a belly to belly suplex.

SD: It's an old truth. If you can't do a lot. At least do one thing well. And apparently, Beef is the WCWA equivalent of Scott Steiner with those belly to bellies.

BJ: That he does too many of them?

SD: Something like that, yes...

Jannetty rolls to the outside, seemingly trying to gather his thoughts momentarily. Beef begins to stomp his feet. He yells to the crowd, asking them if they want to see a dive. Jannetty seems to hear this as well, ducking down and preparing himself for Beef on the outside. The crowd responds unanimously that they do, in fact, want to see a dive. Beef motions to referee Ollie Tharp to do a dive. Ollie protests. During this brief argument, Jannetty slides back into the ring.

SD: See, there’s our chicanery.

BJ: Will you put the popcorn down?

SD: (crunching) What? I’m hungry. It’s a long show!

Beef tells Jannetty to do a dive, motioning with his arms for a flipping move. Jannetty won’t do it. Beef pokes Jannetty in the eyes. Beef points afar and the referee looks that direction and Beef kicks Jannetty between the legs. Jannetty crumbles to the mat, Ollie turning back and asking Beef what happened. Beef says that Jannetty fell.

SD: Now what I don’t get is here is how that moves affects him.

BJ: What do you mean?

SD: Well, it’s fairly apparently to pretty much everyone here that Jannetty has no nuts. How does that affect him?

BJ: I don’t know. Kick to the tailbone?

SD: Or the vagina.

BJ: Oh, lovely

Beef on the attack now, locking on a headlock on Jannetty. Jannetty bites Beef’s arm. Beef backs off to the corner. Ollie asks Beef what happened and Beef says that Jannetty bit him, giving a visual along with it, nearly biting the referee. Jannetty denies the bite. Ollie calls for them to start fighting again. Jannetty bum rushes Beef, and Beef tosses him right over the top rope.

SD: Is there a doctor in the house?

BJ: Why?

SD: He bit him. And I am pretty sure rabies is contagious.

BJ: I had to ask.

Ollie begins the count on Jannetty, Jannetty slow back to his feet on the outside. Beef climbs the ropes on the inside, climbing up and over the top rope, to the second rope facing outside. Jannetty is slow back to his feet, ass sticking out. Beef shrugs a bit then dives off, nailing Jannetty right in the ass off the second rope to the outside with a crazy ass punch. Jannetty goes down, holding his ass in agony. The crowd begins to chant unanimously “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!!”

BJ: That move is over.

SD: (over the “Holy Shit” chant) All this for an ass punch?

BJ: It was a dive with ass punch. Big difference.

Beef scoops up Jannetty and rolls him back into the ring. Beef slides in himself and pulls Jannetty up to a vertical with a front face lock. Jannetty is fighting it, Beef switches to a waist lock, then lifts Jannetty up, throwing him to the mat with a side suplex.

BJ: And the Dino Bravo side suplex connect.

SD: Man, were you even around for Dino Bravo?

BJ: I have seen it.

SD: Still. That is a reference even our fan base won’t get.

BJ: What fan base?

SD: Beside the point

Beef goes after Jannetty, Jannetty rolling to his stomach. Beef steps over Jannetty, scooping Jannetty’s arms up. Beef takes a moment to announce exactly what he’s going to do.

BW: I’m going to break his fucking back, then fuck his ass!

SD: I told you that was going to happen.

BJ: All this and a Death Match. It is a night of the hardcore.

Beef is about to lock in the camel clutch, but has taken too much time for comedy relief, and Jannetty is able to flip him off, pinning Beef’s shoulders to the mat with a Gedo Clutch. Referee Ollie Tharp gets into position for an unexpected pin attempt, 1.… Beef kicks out.

SD: HOLY SHIT!

BJ: Why the yelling?

SD: JANNETTY GOT A NEARFALL! THAT NEVER HAPPENS!

BJ: But is it scream worthy?

SD: Well, maybe not. For him, it would be.

Jannetty back to his feet, Beef meets him there. Beef goes for a clothesline, but Jannetty ducks it. Jannetty goes for a basement drop kick, but Beef is able to side step, immediately going for an elbow drop, which Jannetty rolls out of the way from. Jannetty up to his feet and he goes for an elbow drop of his own, but Beef rolls slightly to the side and scoots up to his feet. Jannetty gets up as well and the crowd claps for the indy stand off.

SD: I think they agreed backstage to show Cornette they weren’t a joke.

BJ: But they are. And all the fans know it.

SD: Well, they aren’t wrestling like it.

Jannetty looks around for a moment as the crowd’s clapping subsides. Beef stomps on his foot. Jannetty lifts his stomped foot up and grabs it. Beef easily takes him down with a leg trip on the one grounded leg still. Beef goes after Jannetty, but catches a kick right to the face

SD: I can’t believe I am saying this, but I think this has had more actual wrestling then the ladder match did.

BJ: Well, that’s because that was a train wreck. These two are working an actual mat-based match.

SD: Which is going to piss off everyone who sees this expecting the funny business.

BJ: Tradition be damned, Shane.

SD: Don’t I know it..

Jannetty gets up. Beef is a bit woozily from the kick to the face. Jannetty runs from behind him. He’s going for a bulldog. Beef sees him and simply steps out of the way, Jannetty doing a giant sit down dive and hitting nothing. Beef steps in and kicks him violently to the spine with a Dragon kick.

SD: Spinal tap.

BJ: Dragon kick.

SD: Un-fucking necessary.

BJ: Call it what you want, it hurts.

Beef is seeming to get a bit frustrated. He grabs Jannetty up with a front face lock. Once Jannetty is back to his feet, Beef grabs Jannetty’s tights, flipping him up and over with a Fisherman’s suplex with a bridge, pinning Jannetty’s shoulders to the mat. Referee Ollie Tharp counts, 1.……2.……. Kick out at a long two from Jannetty.

BJ: Two guys, a girl, and a pizza plex. The extra cheesy remix.

SD: That is retarded.

BJ: It’s Beef.

SD: Point taken.

Beef back to his feet, claiming Jannetty pulled his hair. In the mean time, Jannetty has reached into his tights for something. Beef back to Jannetty with some stomps before pulling him up to his feet. Jannetty nails Beef right in the forehead with a sucker punch, quickly stuffing a chain back into his tights, right in front of the camera but in the blind spot of Referee Ollie.

BJ: Oh, how does Ollie not see that?

SD: Blind referee syndrome?

BJ: That’s real?

SD: Well, if it’s not, it should be.

Jannetty with a cover, hooking the leg deeply. So deeply, in fact, that he hooks the tights. Referee Ollie into position for the count 1... Jannetty puts his feet up on the second rope, 2...3!?!

BJ: That looked awfully fast from my angle.

SD: And Jannetty uses every dirty tactic in the book to win the TV title.

BJ: How much do you think he paid Ollie to quick count Beef?

SD: Maybe that’s why he weighed in at one kilo instead of two tonight…

BJ: I had to ask…

The crowd absolutely cannot believe it. Ollie’s hand struck the mat a third time. Ollie calls for the bell. The crowd in a stunned silence. Mel Phillips hands in the Television title, then with a bit of confusion makes the announcement.

MP: Your winner.. Of this match.. And new.. WCWA Television champion… Marty Jannetty…?

Ollie hands the title to Jannetty, who quickly scrambles out of the ring with the title in hand, the chain he cracked Beef with still dangling from the waistband of his tights.

BJ: What a bastard! What a damn bastard!

SD: Language! This is a god damn family fucking show!

BJ: And for irony sake.. We send it to Joel Gertner..

Beef is still out in the center of the ring, not moving at all. Ring attendants rush to the ring to assist the now former WCWA Television champion. Cut backstage to Joel Gertner. Joel is standing by a WCWA HURT back drop, a matching microphone in his hand. Standing next to him is the Hardcore Evil Ninja #2.

JG: Well, well, well, if it isn’t I, the Quintessential Stud Muffin, Joel “Ninjas are from Japan.. All their women are looking for a good man.. But when they find Joel, they scream “OI CHEE DANGAN!!” Gertner.. And I am here with the Hardcore Evil Ninja #2. Ninja #2.. Tonight, you’re in with two of the flippiest guys around.. The WCWA World Junior Heavyweight champion Jack Evans and the debuting Ricochet, both who break the gravity barrier.. How are you going to combat these two zero-g superstars?

Ninja looks at Joel, the only exposed part of his face, his eyes, looking more evil than normal. He then walks away from the interview area without saying a word.

Cut to a pre taped vignette. The screen fills with random digits between zero and nine. The numbers are falling from the top of the screen, but they slowly start to change, from random numbers to mostly ones and zeros. Through these numbers, an image can be seen. It’s Eddie Kingston from the second King of the Death Matches tournament and he’s bleeding badly, but this image quickly cuts to Kingston celebrating a win. This image cuts to The Messiah on the burning cross, but cuts quickly to him pinning Lance Storm on Synthetic, then splices to him getting his hand raised. Finally it comes to Chris Hero standing ominously. The words “Trial and Error” appear as the numbers disappear. A WCWA logo fades in above the words, then below the words “coming soon on Pay Per View” appear as we cut away.

Now, we cut backstage once more, to Jimmy Jacobs. Jacobs is standing in a darkened room, the only light in the room coming from a dimmed lamp in the corner, sitting on the only furniture in the room, a dusty table. Jacobs is wearing torn jeans and a leather trench coat, the lovely Lacey sitting at his feet in a leather skirt/top, with stockings over her entire legs and arms. Her mascara is extremely smeared, as well.

JJ: You said you wanted a revolution. You said you wanted something new, fresh.. Revolutionary. And when you got Jimmy Jacobs, you cried foul. You cried that it wasn’t what you expected, wasn’t what you bargained for. You expected the mundane and the average, but you ended up with the super human planted in your lap. You wanted hardcore violence, blood and guts.. Women being hung from buildings.. But when Jimmy Jacobs pulls a sword.. It’s too far.. This is exactly what I knew would happen. This socialist nation does not know what they want. They want everything.. And they want nothing. They want the world to be hardcore, brash, and uncensored, but in a way that their children can also watch. And they want change.. Jimmy Jacobs will bring change.. But once the change has occurred.. You may not like it.. And it’ll be too late to stop it.. Like what you see…? Stay tuned.. It’s about to get VERY interesting..

As the camera fades to black, an ear piercing scream is heard, suspect Lacey.

Cut to an unknown backstage area, where Chris Hero stands alone. He’s already in his ring gear, a track suit jacket over his upper body, the sleeves rolled up as he tapes up his hands.

CH: I’ve heard the claims.. That this is Eddie Kingston’s night.. That this is Messiah’s destiny.. The fact of the matter is, this is Chris Hero’s time. This has been Chris Hero’s time ever sense I entered this God forsaken company almost a year ago. In that time, I’ve seen one retarded thing after another.. I watched as Spanky made an absolute mockery of the World Heavyweight title.. Then left before he could be told to drop it cleanly.. I wish him the best in all his future endeavors.. Because you see, with that class clown freshman exiting.. It opened up the opportunity.. It opened up the gate.. For your hero, my hero.. Chris Hero.. To ascend to the throne of World Championship Wrestling Alliance.. When the Heavyweight title tournament was announced.. I knew this was my time to shine.. That’s why I VOLUNTEERED to face the Butcher in round one.. Because I knew, like all the others knew.. That this was Chris Hero’s tournament to win.. And now, as Chris Hero prepares for the World Heavyweight title match.. Where is the Necro Butcher? Not even on the PPV.. He’s in the pre-show.. That just goes to show you how Chris Hero compares to the Necro Butcher. Butcher, Sabu, Lance Storm.. None of them have spots on the PPV.. Because they all came up short.. And that’s one thing that tonight, Chris Hero will not be doing..

The camera cuts back to ringside, the fifteen foot high solid steel cage now in place, ring attendants putting the final touches on securing the enclosure. A graphic appears on the screen as “Hurt“ by Johnny Cash begins to play once more, Brain Damage on one side, Joker on the other. Below them are the words “Steel Cage Match”

BJ: Looks like we’re setting up for Delirious versus Chuck Taylor..

SD: Cage.. Cage match.. Damage-Joker..

BJ: Sorry.. Format sheets are impossible to read..

SD (ignoring) Here we go Benjo. Steel cage warfare. Brain Damage versus Joker.. Damage has went on a one man crime spree through all of WCWA, putting the hurt, pun intended, to Joker’s comrades in the BLK Out, even giving Allison Danger a vicious package pile driver through a table..

BJ: Benjo? Didn’t I tell you that wouldn’t stick?

SD: The hell you say.

Cut to Mel Phillips, standing outside of the steel cage with a microphone in hand.

MP: The following match is a special grudge match and it will be fought inside the fifteen foot high steel cage!!

The crowd cheers for the barbarianisms that are sure to follow.

MP: During this match, managers Joey Eastman and Allison Danger will be handcuffed together to prevent outside interference. The only way to win this match will be escape from the cage, either over the top of the cage with both feet touching the arena floor, or through the door.

“I’m a Hustla” by Cassidy feat. Jay-Z begins to play over the P/A system, but fades into “No Mas Control” by Roadrunner United following the introduction. With this, Allison Danger makes her way out onto the stage, shortly behind her, Joker, his face painted in possibly the most demonic clown make up imaginable, the color scheme being nothing but red and white..

BJ: Who do you think hates this more? Eastman or Allison.

SD: Definitely Allison.

BJ: How do you figure?

SD: Well, we know Allison likes girls. We assume Eastman does as well.

BJ: I wouldn't be so sure...

MP: First, making his way to the ring, being accompanied by “The Queen of Green” Allison Danger, from Chocolate City, weighing in at an even two hundred pounds, he is “The Cambodian Ax Murderer” this is JOKER!

Joker makes his way to the ring, sliding right up the steps and into the cage. He bounces off the ropes hard, seemingly ignoring that the cage is there and is raking his back every time he hits the ropes. Joker’s pre-match sprint comes to a close and the lights dim. "Bleed For Me" by Black Label Society hits over the P/A system and the crowd lets out a spattering of boos. This spattering of boos is turned to a SHOWER when Joey Eastman steps through the curtain, Brain Damage stomping behind him.

MP: And his opponent, being accompanied to the ring by “Absolutely Tan” Joey Eastman.. From Last Chance, Texas. Weighing in tonight at two hundred and fifty one pounds.. He is the “Hardcore Terminator” this is BRAIN DAMAGE!!

Damage down the ramp quickly and right into the cage, ambushing Joker before the lights even come back. The bell sounds and this match is under way. Two referees on the outside, senior referee Jason Verdoes for the action, referee PJ Drummond for Eastman and Danger. Drummond fiddles with the handcuffs provided for him by WCWA, struggling to get one cuff opened for Joey Eastman’s wrist.

BJ: Somehow, I doubt this is the first time PJ Drummond has put Joey Eastman in handcuffs..

SD: That’s so gay..

BJ: Glad you see the problem..

Eastman is cuffed to nothing on the outside as Damage and Joker slug away at each other on the inside. Eastman goes to the cage and begins to rattle it, trying to distract Joker. PJ pulls Eastman by the cuffs back to him, slapping the remaining cuff on the wrist of Allison Danger. Neither Eastman or Danger seem real happy about being cuffed together, as Damage and Joker continue to trade blows on the inside.

BJ: So, how long until either Eastman or Danger decks the other?

SD: Are we betting?

BJ: Well, closest to the pin. Or the time, in this case.

SD: I'll take six minutes.

BJ: Put me down for nine.

SD: Five?

BJ: You're on.

Damage grabs Joker by the head and forces his face right into the fencing of the cage. Joker’s face paint peels off on the cage, leaving bits of paint behind. Joker elbows Damage in the gut and forces his face into the cage. Damage is split wide open from his contact with the cage.

BJ: And three minutes into the match, Damage is busted wide open.

SD: I'd make a joke, but we aren't allowed to mention the guy.

BJ: Has that ever stopped you before?

SD: Well, no. But we have sponsors now, so I actually do get paid

Damage a bit weary, stumbling back to the center of the ring. Joker comes in for several punches to the open wound, staining his own knuckle tape with Damage’s blood. Joker grabs Damage by the head and tries to whip him into the cage, but Damage puts on the breaks. With a ton of force, Damage reverses the whip, sending Joker sailing face first into the cage. Joker goes right over the top rope, getting stuck between the ropes and the cage, sliding down the metal grating before sliding out under the bottom rope and back into the ring.

SD: FUCK! That must be the industrial strength fencing!

BJ: A 280 pound man just hit steel, and the cage went nowhere!

SD: Sucks to be Joker about now, eh Ben?

BJ: Eh? You're Canadian?

SD: I miss Styles.

BJ: He's Italian.

SD: Kloss?

BJ: Moron.

Joker stumbles back to his feet. Damage comes in and goes for the knockout punch, but Joker ducks it and showers Damage in blows to the body. Damage clubs down on Joker with a downward punch. Joker fires back on Damage, sending blood spatters from Damage everywhere with each shot.

SD: Ladies and gentleman, let the ass whopping commence.

BJ: I think it already has.

SD: Well, then we’re officially starting it.

BJ: Folks, this is going to get ugly in a hurry.

Damage stumbles backwards, going all the way into the corner. Joker puts the boots to Damage in the corner, getting him down to a seated position in the corner. Joker backs up a bit and comes diving into the corner with a cannonball senton, squishing Damage in the corner and grinding his face right into the side of the cage with disgusting force.

BJ: Squish!

SD: That shit ain’t right!

BJ: Cambodian cannonball, and the already bloodied face of Brain Damage meets the steel again!

Joker back to his feet, Damage’s blood all over his back. Joker starts out of the cage over the top, but Damage is right back up, grabbing Joker by the waist band of his shorts and jerking him right back down to the mat. Joker hits the mat hard, his head bouncing like a basketball upon impact.

SD: That may be the most disgusting twist on the flapjack I have ever seen

BJ: Not really a flapjack. More of a show of strength, as Damage just pulled Joker off the cage to the mat with sickening force.

SD: You see his head? It bounced! (Silence) Well?

BJ: Waiting for the joke.

SD: There is nothing funny about this, Ben.

Damage mounts Joker, going for the ground and pound, but Joker jabs him right in the eye with a thumb. Damage grabs his own eye, not pounding on Joker, but not getting off of him either. Joker reaches up and grabs at the bottom of Damage’s mouth. He pulls Damage’s mouth open, Damage trying his best to fight him off or bite him. With Damage’s mouth WIDE open, Joker socks Damage in the top of the right side of his face, shaking his jaw brutally.

SD: That was fucking depraved!

BJ: He just tried to break his goddamn jaw, Shane!

SD: Fans, you know I love to goof around here. There is nothing funny about this. There may be an actual murder in that ring tonight

BJ: I hope our medical expenses are caught up.

SD: Will you shut the hell up??

Damage slides off of Joker, his jaw out of whack. He’s bent over, holding his mouth in agony. Joker gets back to his feet and runs up, punting Damage right in the face like a football, kicking with such a high kick that he himself lands on his back flat on the mat, Damage going down from the force of the kick.

BJ: And the field goal kick by Joker lands both men on the mat.

SD: Think about this Ben. How hard do you have to kick someone to fall yourself?

BJ: I don’t want to know. Nor do I want to find out.

Joker gets to his feet and he calls for the door to be open. Referee Jason Verdoes down as asked and opens the door. Joker starts towards the door, but Damage catches him, stopping him from escaping through the door. Verdoes shuts the door as Damage throws Joker with a belly to back suplex.

BJ: If I kicked someone as hard as Joker kicked Damage, and that person got up that quickly, I will seriously reconsider my career choice.

SD: To be fair, you hit like a girl. They’d probably get right back up.

BJ: You get the point, Shane.

SD: Yes, I do. And I think Joker’s about to get a point made

Damage mounts Joker again, this time slugging him several times right to the face with the ground and pound. Damage goes to the door, Joey Eastman “assisting” referee Jason Verdoes in pulling the door wide open for Damage. PJ Drummond and Verdoes are both trying to get the door away from Eastman as Damage is exiting. Allison Danger does a straight back fall, pulling Joey Eastman down too and effectively slamming the cage door right in Damage’s bloodied face.

SD: Quick thinking by Allison!

BJ: And Damage eats steel thanks to Eastman!

SD: How thanks to Eastman?

BJ: Well, if Joey was in the way, Allison couldn’t have fallen and taken him out!

SD: Well, there is that. Yes.

Damage stumbles to the center of the ring, Joker gets under him, hooking him up in an electric chair position. He grabs Damage’s arm and brings him down to the mat, violently spiking his head into the mat with the Joker Driver!!

SD: WHAT THE SAM FUCKING HELL WAS THAT SHIT?!

BJ: Electric Chair Driver! In some circles, it’s known as the Rubix Cube, but Joker calls it the Joker Driver.

SD: I call it, lights out Brain Damage. You see the angle his neck hit at?

Joker holds it in a pin attempt, but realizes he cannot win the mat this way. Joker goes to the door and starts out, but Damage catches him. Damage rams Joker’s head right into the steel frame of the cage door, Joker crumbling over the middle rope. Damage grabs the top of the cage door, pulling it in to him enough that he can grip the steel mesh. From there, he pulls the door back as fast as he can, violently smashing Joker’s head and shoulders in the cage.

SD: And to think, this isn’t even the death match title match!

BJ: Which is next.

SD: No, it isn’t.

BJ: Son of a BITCH! Can I get a readable piece of paper here?

The side of Joker’s head is now split open from the slamming mesh. Damage on the attack on the wound, punching it several times to split it further than it already was open. Joker fights back with a slap. A second slap from Joker. He spins, going for the back fist, but Damage ducks it. Joker turns around and Damage slugs him right between the eyes.

BJ: Knockout punch!

SD: Also known as the “You Die Now!”

BJ: Huh?

SD: Nevermind.

Joker is down and out on the mat. Damage starts out the door. Allison Danger is doing her very best to get to the door to stop him, but Joey Eastman has her firmly trapped with the cuffs. Allison reaches into the pocket of her skirt, pulling out a can of mace and liberally coating Eastman’s face in the spray. Damage starts out the cage, but Danger gives him some spray too, before slamming the cage door in his face.

BJ: Well, combined we were right.

SD: Huh?

BJ: You said six. I said nine. It actually happened 15 in.

SD: Does no one win?

BJ: Oh, you owe me five dollars, Shane.

SD: Pay you when Heyman pays me.

BJ: (groan)

Damage is blinded, Joker slowly getting to his feet, still woozily. Eastman falls down, scrambling to find something to rinse the mace from his eyes. In falling down, he pulls Allison Danger’s head right into the cage, her forehead hitting the hardest right into a support pole on the cage. Both managers are effectively incapacitated at ringside.

BJ: I think Eastman just killed Danger.

SD: Allison head first into the pole.

BJ: Rimshot

SD: And to think, I wasn't going to go there

Joker is up, but still dazed. Damage is up, but blinded and in the wrong corner. Damage holding on to the cage for a guidance. Joker comes running at him, delivering a sick Liger drop kick, sandwiching Damage’s head between the force of his feet and the steel cage.

BJ: Joshi dropkick from Joker..

SD: I am so telling Joker you called him a Japanese girl..

BJ: Uhh, uhh.. Shades of Jushin “Thunder” Liger?

SD: Too late.

Joker up. He’s crawling towards the cage. Damage is out and would have no idea where he was even if he wasn’t. Eastman is down on the floor crying like a baby. Joker calls for the door to be opened. He’s halfway out the cage.. But the door slams shut hard on Joker’s head! Through the crowd has come Lance Storm, and he’s slammed the cage door right on Joker’s face.

BJ: Lance Storm!

SD: What the hell is Lance doing?

BJ: Well, remember Lance did say he was going to make an impact tonight.

SD: And me thinking that meant he was going to watch Justin Credible tapes. Silly me.

BJ: (groan)

Lance knocks referee Jason Verdoes out of the way and enters the cage. Immediately, he starts putting the boots to Joker, kicking him hard with his patented leather shoe. Damage is up to his feet, still blinded slightly. Storm grabs a hold of Damage and guides him to the door like a blind man, every few seconds taking time to kick Joker back down.

SD: Why is he doing this though?

BJ: Why are you asking me?

SD: I figured you might know.

BJ: Well, you figured wrong, pal.

Damage is about to escape the cage with the help of Lance Storm. Joker comes running at the pair, but Storm cuts him off with a decapitating super kick, Joker’s neck snapping violently backwards from the kick before he crumbles to the mat. Storm leads Damage out of the cage down and to the floor. Reluctantly, referee Jason Verdoes calls for the bell.

BJ: That is bull shit.

SD: Say what?

BJ: You heard me, Shane. A good hard hitting match ruined by that pompous Canadian ass.

SD: I think you need to look at the bigger picture. Is this a one time thing, or has Lance Storm joined Joey Eastman Worldwide?

Mel Phillips makes the announcement official as “Bleed for Me” by Black Label Society hits.

MP: Your winner of this match.. Brain DAMAGE!

Storm to the outside, quickly grabbing several bottles of water from the commentator’s table to rinse out Eastman and Damage’s eyes, PJ Drummond making quick work of the handcuffs to unhook Eastman from Danger..

BJ: Hey! They took my water!

SD: Shut up and eat your delicious Quizno’s sub. Quizno’s gave you the water for free anyways. Quizno’s, the official sub sponsor of WCWA.

BJ: That was the most shill-tastic thing I’ve ever heard..

SD: Quit your bitching, they took mine too. Quizno’s boy, more water!

Eastman liberally pours the water into his face, drowning himself in Ben’s refreshment. Damage applies a little bit and shakes off the pain. Standing between Eastman and Damage, Storm raises their hands in victory.

BJ: This cage match was supposed to prevent outside interference but dammit, that JEW rat Joey Eastman still pulled one over!

SD: That’s incredibly racist..

BJ: Joey Eastman Worldwide..

SD: Still racist.

Cut back to ringside. Joker lays in the center of the ring a bloodied mess, Danger on the outside leaking a bit of color as well. Cut back to the isle way, where Joey Eastman Worldwide and Lance Storm celebrate, Eastman and Damage being joined by Darin Corbin and Ryan Cruz.

BJ (sounding disgusted): Let’s send it backstage to Joel Gertner..

Cut backstage to Joel Gertner, standing near a WCWA HURT backdrop.

JG: Joel "When I was but a wee lad, my teacher asked me to write a haiku. I looked her in the eye and said "too bad", then whipped out my Meng" Gertner and I am here with the reigning and defending WCWA Death Match champion, JC Bailey. JC, in a few minutes, you will be defending the WCWA Death Match title in a barbed wire nets match.. Any thoughts?

JC: I’ve beat Drake Younger in a Barefoot Thumbtacks match, I’ve beat him every time we’ve faced.. Tonight, it’s the final match. Tonight, there will be no rematches. Win, lose, draw.. This is it Joel.

Cut away from the interview area to a pre taped vignette. It appears to be filmed in a corn field. In the deep background behind a field of corn is a silo, standing next to a barn. Onto the screen pops a goofy face, an afro looking very out of place on his white body, a flannel shirt completing the confusing look. The name badge attached to the shirt says “Danny Havoc”.

DH: Hi, I’m Danny Havoc. This is my home town, the unrecognized hardcore capital of the world, Cylinder, Iowa. I’m not entirely sure why it is unrecognized, or how I would go about getting the recognition it deserves, but I get the feeling it involves a lot of self mutilation and doing horrible things to my body in front of a national audience. So that’s exactly what I intend to do. WCWA, prepare yourselves, cause I’m bringing the havoc. No, crap, that’s terrible. Can we try that again? No? What do you mean no, this is my vignette! Live? Who does a live vignette? Crap..

The shot fades to black, white words of “Danny Havoc: Coming Soon” as “What a Waster” by the Libertines plays in the background.

Back in the arena, the cage has been lifted back high above the ring.

BJ: Up next, the WCWA World Heavyweight title match..

SD: Reading the format sheet wrong again, Ben..

BJ: Son of a bitch.. Need a rocket scientist to figure this thing out..

A graphic appears on the screen. Ricochet is on one side, the Hardcore Evil Ninja #2 on the other, Jack Evans in the center holding up the Junior Heavyweight title. Below the three men are the words “WCWA Junior Heavyweight title match” and “Ménage Et Trois First Round Match”. While this graphic is on the screen, “Hurt” by Johnny Cash plays over the P/A system and for the home audience.

BJ: Folks, prepare yourself.. Strap on your seat belts.. This one is going to be a high flying war for the Junior Heavyweight title.

SD: Are you just going by whatever the pictures say at this point?

BJ (seeming sad): Yeah.. It’s all I know!!

SD: *sighs*

Cut to Mel Phillips standing in the center of the ring, a microphone in hand.

MP: The following match is scheduled for one fall. It is a first round Ménage Et Trois tournament match.. And it IS for the WCWA World Junior Heavyweight title!

“Let’s Go Crazy” by Prince begins to play and WCWA audiences get their first look at Ricochet, a skinny black-ish kid with shoulder length poofy hair. Ricochet seems to be full of energy as he darts down the entrance ramp, giving anyone a high five who wants one.

MP: First, from St. Louis, Missouri, weighing in tonight at one hundred and seventy pounds.. This is RICOCHET!!

Ricochet slides into the ring as his music cuts off. He seems slightly disappointed.

SD: Can I ask who the queer in the back is that let Ricochet come out to Prince?

BJ: Are you calling Prince gay?

SD: No. Just people that like him.

Replacing his theme is “L’Age de la Biere” by Mon’onc Serge, the theme of the Hardcore Evil Ninja #2. Carrying a kendo stick with him, Ninja #2 makes his way through the curtain.

MP: From Fabertown, Japan, weighing in tonight at one hundred and seventy six pounds, he is the Hardcore Evil Ninja Number TWO!!

Ninja swings his stick around, nearly fumbling it as he walks down the entrance way.

SD: Not too ninja like there, nearly dropping the stick..

BJ: He can't have his focus on that. He's got a title match.

SD: Still. Most people who rather lose a toe then drop their stick.

Ninja to ringside, casually throwing the kendo stick into the ring over the top rope. He slides into the ring, going to the top rope and flipping off, landing on his feet after the flip.

BJ: Your Ninja has mad hops, Shane.

SD: Never say “mad hops” again. You’re white. Besides, he’s not my ninja.

BJ: You ever recall Ninja doing that before?

SD: He shows off new tricks for the big shows, Ben. You should do the same..

BJ: This is my first show!

SD: And you're already resting on your laurels.

Ninja’s music cuts off and is replaced by “Bully” by Eminem. Through the curtain comes “Primo” Robby Mireno, leading Jack Evans down. Evans dances down the isle way, wearing the WCWA World Junior Heavyweight title like a really exaggerate necklace.

MP: And finally, being accompanied to the ring by “The Frank Sinatra of Professional Wrestling, Primo” Robby Mireno, from P-Town, Washington, weighing in tonight at one hundred and sixty five pounds, he is “The B-Rabbit of Finding Weed and Grabbin It, the Tito Santana of Santeria, and the next Brian Pillman” he is “The Prince of Parkland” and the reigning and defending WCWA World Junior Heavyweight Champion.. Jack EVANS!

SD: I was really starting to wonder if Mel was gonna slip another nickname in there for Evans..

BJ: Don’t tempt him..

A microphone at ringside picks up Evans.

JE: And you know this, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

Evans into the ring, handing the Junior Heavyweight title to referee Derek Sabato. Sabato raises the title high above his head for all to see as Evans hands off his jewelry to Robby Mireno. Mireno starts to walk away, but Evans stops him to hand off his cell phone as well.

BJ: Why does he have a cell phone?

SD: 'Cuz bitches get itches that they want daddy mac Jack to scratch?

BJ: Never do that again.

SD: Could be that's he's getting ready to give Harry in Ohio an AT&T shout-out.

BJ: It's like you two planned this...

SD: AT&T. The official phone company of WCWA.

Bell sounds and this World Junior Heavyweight title Ménage Et Trois match is under way. The youngest man in the match, Ricochet, calls for a lock up. Evans locks his left hand with Ricochet’s right. Ninja just stands back and watches them. The two get the hint that Ninja isn’t going to lock up, and lock their other hands together.

BJ: Not real Ninja like either.

SD: Yes it was. Stealth, my friend. Attack only when you have to. Why wear yourself down when it has no meaning?

BJ: But it's not elimination rules.

SD: And if he's not entangled, he can break falls up. Think, Ben.

Test of strength, Evans easily over powering the much smaller Ricochet and taking him to the mat. Referee Derek Sabato slides into position. Count of 1.…2.… The Hardcore Evil Ninja breaks it up at two with a standing shooting star press.

BJ: Ever see him do that before?

SD: Not that I can recall. But even if he did, it's not like The Guppy or that other retarded fuck from IWS would've called it properly anyway.

BJ: I've seen their shows. I know what you mean.

Evans up, wondering when exactly Ninja got all flippy. Evans pushes Ninja. Ninja pushes him back, pushing him right into a table topping from Ricochet, suspected or otherwise. Ricochet still on all fours. Ninja steps up onto his back and turns around, nailing a slightly elevated moonsault onto the Junior Heavyweight champion.

SD: All right. What gives?

BJ: How so?

SD: Now there is breaking out new moves, and there is breaking character. "The One Man War" Arsenal is going to pound people, JC Bailey brings the smashy, and Jack Evans the flippy. Not Ninja!

BJ: Did Arsenal pay you to name drop him here?

SD: So what if he did?

BJ: Sheesh.. Maybe he’s sharing that stuff in the gym bag too..

SD: No he’s not. If I was high, you’d know it.

Ninja with a pin attempt on Evans, but Ricochet breaks it up with a simple forearm. Hardcore Evil Ninja gets back to his feet and Ricochet nails him, doing a full moonsault in order to kick Ninja. Ninja stumbles backwards, walking right into a reverse hurricanrana from Jack Evans.

SD: And order is restored.

BJ: How? A guy just got dropped on his head!

SD: Yes, but by a flippy Jack Evans. Hence, normality.

Evans and Ricochet are left standing. Ricochet comes running at Evans, Evans catches him from the cross body. Ricochet spins it over, going for a tornado DDT, but Evans plants his feet back to the mat. Northern lights suplex attempt from Evans, but Ricochet lands it on his feet.

SD: Wait, did he just front flip out of a Northern Lights attempt?

BJ: It appears so.

SD: Man, that gravity forgot him!

Ricochet turns it back over with a hip roll, but Evans tries to suplex him again. This time, Evans is able to suplex Ricochet, but Ricochet scrambles right back to his feet. Ricochet comes running at Evans, Evans tosses Ricochet with a hip toss, but Ricochet grabs the arm on the way over, throwing Jack Evans with a Mexican arm drag.

SD: Drink!

BJ: This isn't lucha, Shane.

SD: Doesn't have to be. My Quizno's water ran out! Drink, water boy! Drink!

BJ: We have sold our sells.

SD: For delicious Quizno's subs...I know. Sad right?

BJ: Maybe. But delicious.

SD: Just be glad I haven't tried to get the Trojan's spot in there yet..

BJ: There’s a Trojan’s spot?

SD: Several, but we only use one.

Ninja is back to his feet. He goes after Ricochet, but Ricochet catches him in a side headlock. Ninja wiggles free from the headlock, but he leaves his cloth mask behind. Ricochet seems a bit confused, as select members of the crowd cheer. Standing now is an unmasked Hardcore Evil Ninja, not looking a bit Asian. The Ninja lets out a smile, his teeth covered with a black mouth piece that says “PAC”.

SD: I think we have an explaination for the flippdyness.

BJ: That can't be a word.

SD: It doesn't have to. That is the "Man that Gravity Forgot". You think Jack can fly. You haven't seen anything yet!

Pac makes quick work of the typical ninja gi, peeling the belt and top off and throwing it to the outside. Evans gets back to his feet and seems confused as to where Pac came from. As the two are bantering, Ricochet comes cart wheeling in. He goes for a handspring elbow, but both men move out of the way and Ricochet splats back down.

SD: Thus, too flippidy.

BJ: Enough of the flippidy!

SD: But it is. Very much so.

BJ: Still. We get they can flip, they can flop, they can flip-flop.

SD: You're the next contestant on...

BJ: Knock that shit off.

SD: Why?

BJ: Because HBO isn't involved with CBS.

Evans looks at back, then does a standing moonsault, dropkicking Pac and moonsaulting onto Ricochet. Pac, not one to be out staged, goes to the ropes and goes for a lion sault, nailing a double forearm smash onto Ricochet from the moonsault.

SD: Man, I hope we cleared this with air traffic control.

BJ: I think I heard King use that joke before.

SD: And like that, I hate you.

BJ: Sorry.

SD: Too late.

Evans does a simple elbow smash onto Pac, much to the crowd’s boos. Evans gets up, a bit confused about the boos. Pac gets up and tries to dropkick Evans, but Evans jumps up. Pac lands flat on his face, then Evans lands down from his dive up in a seated position, giving Pac modified butt bump.

SD: That may be the most perverted twist on the whoopie cushion I have ever seen.

BJ: Did you just reference Doink?

SD: And if I did?

BJ: I don't think Doink has cared about Doink recently.

SD: And like that, we've said his name three times in 30 seconds.

Ricochet is back to his feet, but he’s obviously hurting. Ricochet pulls Pac up and nails an Unprettier on him rather quickly, not necessarily focusing all the force needed on it. He gets up and is met with a kick to the mid section from Evans. Evans hooks Ricochet like he is going for a Vertebreaker, but Ricochet presses him up, over, and off. Ricochet nails a low blow, mule kick style, earning a warning from referee Derek Sabato.

BJ: Now, where have I seen that before?

SD: If you say his name, I will punch the dog shit out of you.

BJ: I can't say C.M. Punk?

SD: That's not who you were thinking, and you know it!

Ricochet points to the corner, saying he’s going up top. Pac up and he stops Ricochet at the corner, Ricochet facing out. Pac pulls Ricochet down, trapping him in a tree of woe. Pac goes to the opposite corner, then dives off, going for a coast to coast moonsault drop kick. He nearly hits it, but Ricochet is able to lift himself up and Pac takes the huge bump for nothing.

BJ: Moonsault van terminator MISSES.

SD: Man, is Nate Webb going to be pissed! That is his move.

BJ: And he didn't even make it onto the PPV. Not a good month for the "Spyder".

Evans gathers Pac up, dropping him with a reverse DDT. He follows up the reverse DDT with a double stomp, rolling right off of it into a senton. Ricochet is now back up top, Pac laying in the center of the ring. Ricochet looks around, then turns around up top. He does a moonsault, but gets a huge dive and rotation, doing TWO full flips in the air off the moonsault before crash landing on Pac.

BJ: DOUBLE GOD-DAMN MOONSAULT!

SD: Okay, even I have a flippidy limit. And that is past it.

BJ: How did he not land on his head?

SD: How would I know? I've never done one moonsault, let alone two at once.

The crowd is chanting in unison, “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!!”. Very few fans are sitting following the huge double moonsault.

SD: That was the damnedest thing I have ever seen..

BJ: ……..

SD: Say something!

BJ: I’m speechless!

SD: Then say that! At least Kloss would scream for highspots..

Ricochet slowly back to his feet. Evans condescendingly applauds him, then kicks him in the already weakened gut. Evans grabs Ricochet in a pile driver like position, but dives all the way over him, putting his knees in the back of Ricochet, then flipping him over in a Canadian Destroyer like move, nailing him with a vicious lung blower off of the flip.

BJ: I don't know what he calls that, but damn!

SD: GOD DAMN SHIT AND TERRY FUNK!!!!

BJ: I don't think that's the official name, but I can ask.

SD: I believe that he calls that the Bling Breaker.

BJ: I think you heard wrong.

Pac is out of it, Ricochet’s entire torso is mutilated. Evans makes the cover on Ricochet. Referee Sabato into position, 1.…2.…3!

BJ: And Jack Evans has retained the belt.

SD: Somehow, someway...Evans' is the king of the flippidy's.

BJ: To Mel Phillips to make it official

The bell sounds, “Bully” by Eminem beginning to play over the loud speakers as Robby Mireno bum rushes into the ring with the Junior Heavyweight title in hand. Mel Phillips comes over the P/A system to make the announcement.

MP: Your winner of this match, advancing to the second round of the Ménage Et Trois tournament.. And STILL your WCWA World Junior Heavyweight champion.. “The Prince of Parkland” Jack EVANS!

Mireno hands Evans the World Junior Heavyweight title, the two celebrating their way out of the ring. The camera follows them out of the ring, before switching back to the ring, where Pac and Ricochet are both back to their feet, each hurting in their own ways. The crowd gives them both a standing ovation, before showering them in a multi-purpose “PLEASE COME BACK! PLEASE COME BACK!!” chant.

BJ: I think they want Ricochet and Pac to come back..

SD: Gee, what gave you THAT idea?? From now on, you’re the dean.

BJ: I think WCWA may have found two new junior heavyweights, Shane.

SD: And I am going to get a thesarus to find new ways to say "flippidy".

BJ: Be that as it is may, Chuckie T and Delirious is next.

SD: Look again.

BJ: What?

SD: JC-Drake.

BJ: Dammit!

Pac takes a bow before exiting out of the ring. Ricochet moves into the waiting arms of ring attendants as we cut backstage.

Cut to the interview area, where Arsenal and Chris Mordetsky stand alone, Arsenal holding the microphone.

Arsenal: Tonight, it was the first step to a championship conquest. Nous sommes fourni avec des forces, nous sommes fourni avec des esprits.

CM: And tonight, we scored our first of three points. You’re looking at the next WCWA World Tag Team champions.

Arsenal: Les garçons noirs, nous venons pour vous. L'or sera le nôtre. Aucun paris, c'est une promesse

As Arsenal finishes spitting this tirade in French, the Naptown Dragons, Diehard Dustin Lee and Scotty Vortekz approach the interview area. Diehard still has on his ring shorts, but a Naptown Dragons shirt on over his upper body. Scotty Vortekz is still covered in bandages from his war on Synthetic.

DDL: What makes you guys so sure you’re the dominant tag team in this federation? You’ve only got one point.. And just as easily as you earned that point, we can take it away..

Without saying a word, Chris Mordetsky bum rushes Diehard and clotheslines him to the ground. Vortekz tries to help him, but is easily taken down by Arsenal, who immediately peels off Vortekz’s shirt and then his bandages, ripping the wounds from Synthetic right back open. Arsenal gathers up Vortekz, then lifts him up, giving him a vicious suplex right onto the concrete. Security and arena workers rush in to separate the group, the damage already done from Mordetsky and Arsenal.

Arsenal: We are a peaceful group. We shall leave now. Il a fait des garçons d'ordures, vous avez scellé votre sort.

Before the camera fades out, Nate Webb can be seen in the background, waving to the camera. Then, we fade away from this scene.

Cut away to a pre-taped vignette. The entire screen is black and white, a grainy picture fading in and out. Finally, a long haired man appears on the picture, his entire body being the same black and white, except the logo on his shirt, a vivid red. The man looks to the sky and screams. The words “Tyler Black: Coming Soon” appear on the screen in bright red letters. Fade out.

Cut backstage to Joel Gertner, with Joey Eastman, surrounded by the Northstar Express, Brain Damage .

JG: Well, well..

JE: Well CAMERA MAN, ZOOOOOOOM! Gertner, I’ve got it from here. You see, Joey Eastman Worldwide did exactly what we said we were going to do. We took out the Cambodian Ax Murderer..

Eastman hands the microphone over to Lance Storm.

LS: And we made an impact.

Storm passes it to Darin Corbin.

DC: And we got eliminated from the Ménage Et Trois tournament! Wait..

Eastman casually takes the microphone back from Corbin.

JE: Remember these faces, WCWA dorks.. These men are your future of professional wrestling.. And by trial and error.. We will take over the world.. You are dismissed.

Cut back to ringside. The arena lights fall and a set of lights come on over the entrance way. Smoke begins to stem from the runway and up the ramp, leaving the entire arena in an eerie glow. “Black Republican” by Nas slowly leaks into the arena and Drake Younger starts out onto the ramp, Todd Gordon trailing shortly behind him. Drake and Gordon have a brief conference before making their way down the ramp.

MP: The following match is your LIGHT TUBES AND BARBED WIRE NETS DEATH MATCH for the WCWA DEATH MATCH CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!! Making his way to the ring now, being accompanied to the ring by his manager, Todd Gordon, representing the Kings of Wrestling, from Indianapolis, Indiana, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty pounds, he is the “Psycho Shooter” Drake YOUNGER!

Younger to ringside and he taps his hands with the hands of Todd Gordon before entering the ring, careful to avoid a light tube bundle as he slides into the ring. Younger makes a quick survey of the barbed wire net, held together by a metal rigging type contraption, similar to scaffolding without the stretch board.

BJ: Is that Todd Gordon?

SD: Yeah. He sleeps on Hero's sofa, and we were nice enough to give him a job.

BJ: Somehow, I doubt that's true.

SD: Maybe not, but it is funny.


The lights come to a quick dim. “Living Dead Girl” by Rob Zombie begins to play over the loud speakers and JC Bailey makes his way through the curtain, the WCWA Death Match championship draped over his shoulder carelessly, the once tightly wrapped barbed wire now dangling loosely from the championship medallion

MP: And his opponent, from Bardstown, Kentucky, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty nine pounds, he is the WCWA King of the Death Matches and the reigning WCWA Death Match champion.. He is “Too hardcore for a Gimmick” this is JC BAILEY!

For this brutal match, JC Bailey has for some odd reason neglected to tape his hands or wrists at all and enters the war shirtless. Bailey makes his way down the ramp and stops at ringside. Slowly JC rolls in under the bottom rope, handing the WCWA Death Match championship off to referee Bryce Remsburg, followed by his ear rings.

BJ: Fans, we’re approaching one of the biggest matches of JC’s career here. He is defending the belt against a man who wants to destroy the division.

SD: Tad hypocritical on Drake’s part, isn’t it?

BJ: As we’ve said before Shane, when in Rome…

SD: Try the pizza?

BJ: (sighs)

JC out of the ring, going over to the barbed wire net and grasping at a single strand of barbed wire, pulling back and seeing that the wire is in fact secure. JC Bailey into the ring and he climbs to the top rope, posing for the crowd for a moment as “Living Dead Girl” cuts off. JC Bailey off the top rope and a stare down with Drake Younger.

BJ: And it appears we’re ready for the bell.

SD: Wonder what gave you that idea?

BJ: Oh, call the match

Opening bell and a lock up. JC Bailey tries to take Drake down, but the taller, stronger, and heavier Younger over powers and sends JC Bailey into the corner. JC lands in the steel buckles hard and comes back out, holding his back in agony. Younger bends down and catches Bailey, scooping him up and snapping him down hard to the mat with a vicious spine buster. Drake on top of Bailey quickly for a pin attempt, hooking the far leg, but it’s only enough for one and a half says referee Bryce Remsburg.

SD: See, Drake planned this well. Stay on the attack, and get the win before any of the crap comes into play.

BJ: JC’s not someone you’re going to defeat within two minutes, though.

SD: Can you blame a guy for trying?

BJ: Well, maybe if he’d hooked the leg, man.

SD: Huh?

BJ: Never mind.

Drake lifts Bailey back to a vertical base. Rear waist lock from Younger on Bailey, Bailey counters out of it with the old Russian how-do-you-do kick to the lower nut sack region and Drake crumbles. Bailey right on top of Younger, sticking a thumb in the left eye and gouging away deeply. Remsburg tries to protest but is powerless.

BJ: Is Bryce really protesting an eye gouge?

SD: In a match with barbed wire, and light tubes...

BJ: Un-advertised light tubes. Thanks for purchasing the show, folks.

SD: Shill…he’s protesting an eye gouge

Younger fights Bailey off with punches to the mid section, working his way back to a vertical base. Bailey grabs Younger and whips him into the far ropes. Younger back towards Bailey and Bailey leapfrogs over him. Younger puts on the breaks and stops, grabbing Bailey with a rear waist lock. Standing switch from Bailey and he takes it right into a Russian leg sweep.

SD: These two are wrestling?

BJ: Well, we are the World Championship WRESTLING Alliance.

SD: But this is the match for the smashy.

BJ: I'm sure we'll get there, Shane.

Both men work their way back to a vertical base. Younger holds his arms up, calling for a test of strength. JC teases that he’s going to lock up, but instead kicks Younger right in the stomach. JC Bailey against the ropes. High drop kick attempt from Bailey, but Younger sidesteps and Bailey lands flat on his stomach.

SD: So far, Younger is out thinking Bailey. That could prove fatal for the Death Match champ.

BJ: No pun intended?

SD: What? Oh...you're an idiot.

Younger down to his stomach for a half nelson, but Bailey rolls out of it with a standing switch, locking Younger in a half nelson of his own. Younger works his way back to his feet and elbows Bailey, elbowing out of the half nelson. Both men into the ropes and they come back, meeting center ring and colliding with a double clothesline. Both back up for a stand off as the crowd claps politely.

BJ: Show of respect from the crowd.

SD: Surprised these animals aren't booing the hell out of these two.

BJ: So am I, but this is the pace that Drake wants this match. If JC gets in control, there will be smashy.

Bailey into the ropes again, but Drake meets him this time and goes for a clothesline, but Bailey dodges and Younger just hits the ropes. Bailey into the far ropes and he comes back for a Yakuza kick attempt, but Younger catches him and throws him up and over the top rope to the measly padded concrete arena floor.

BJ: Well, that could have been worse.

SD: How do you figure?

BJ: If we'd been anywhere but New York, JC would've landed on the concrete.

SD: So, basically, the NYSAC are a bunch of pussies?

BJ: More or less.

JC Bailey slow back to his feet and starts into the ring, but thinks twice about it. He walks around the ring and slides underneath the net of barbed wire. Drake Younger blindly reaches his hand outside and Bailey grabs his arm, pulling him right into the net of barbed wire. Several light tubes break upon Younger hitting the net.

SD: SMASHY!

BJ: I told you it was a matter of time.

SD: And somewhere, Tomoaki Honma is smiling.

BJ: Yeah, our fans will get that reference.

Younger is trapped in the net of barbed wire as Bailey slides back into the ring. Younger struggles to get loose as Bailey scales the top rope. Quickly, Bailey dives off, nailing a double stomp right to the stomach of Drake Younger and driving the net of barbed wire deeper into the back of Drake Younger. Bailey grabs one of the broken light tubes and begins to carve into the forehead of Younger, drawing a crimson mask rather quickly.

SD: Now that we've pissed off the Red Cross...

BJ: Have you not seen the rats that Chris Hero hangs out with?

SD: I have.

BJ: Then do you think the Red Cross would want Drake's blood?

SD: I suppose you have a point there.

Drake Younger fights off the broken glass and slowly works his way off of the barbed wire net and back to his feet, but this proves to be a mistake because JC jerks the barbed wire strand upwards and into Drake Younger’s lower nutsack region. Bailey grabs Younger by the head and tosses him hard into the solid steel frame of the barbed wire net.

BJ: This may be the literal version of busting someone's balls.

SD: I get the feeling it can get worse.

BJ: I'd hate to see that...

Younger tries to fight back but ends up tangled in the barbed wire again. JC climbs out of the barbed wire and to the top rope. Drake slowly pulls himself out of the barbed wire and goes after JC. Drake gets to the ring apron, where JC meets him with a kick right in the face.

BJ: I am willing to bet this ends badly for someone.

SD: I think you may be correct here.

BJ: Oh, I know I'm correct here.

Drake slides into the ring and climbs the inside of the turnbuckle. Drake is now face to back with JC, JC is trying to fight him off with elbows, but Drake grabs him a choke. Both men standing on the ropes, JC slowly turning around. Drake dives and tackles JC and both men go sailing downwards into the barbed wire net.

SD: I think you're right.

BJ: I'm not worried about that. Medic!

SD: Both men go crashing into that barbed wire monstrosity.

Todd Gordon into panic mode as Drake slowly pulls himself out of the barbed wire. JC is doing the same, albeit much slower than Younger. Younger slides into the ring with the assistance of Todd Gordon, but Gordon takes too much time in the ring and ends up trapped in the hands a stunned JC Bailey.

BJ: And this would be were Todd Gordon dies.

SD: Not nice knowing you, Todd!

Drake with a bundle of light tubes. He comes at JC from behind, but JC sees him coming and turns, kicking the light tubes right back into Drake’s face! The crowd goes crazy as Younger stumbles to the outside, JC quickly getting a gasp on Todd Gordon’s collar once more.

SD: There was hope for Todd with Drake, but with Drake otherwise disposed, JC may kill the guy now.

BJ: You sound almost remorseful.

SD: I am. I wish Paul E. was here to see this. Kill the leech, JC!

JC is asking the fans if they want him to murder Gordon, the fans going nuts. Drake has slid under the ring and comes back in quickly, a second light tube bundle in his hand. JC begins to choke Gordon as Drake lines up with the tubes, ready to maim Bailey. Bailey frees Gordon and turns around, and walks right into a brutal stomach shot from the tubes, shrapnel flying everywhere.

SD: Oh, for the love of Beulah naked, pull the damn trigger JC!

BJ: Beulah naked?

SD: You've not seen it? It is as close to God as man can get here.

Drake drops the remains of the tubes to the mat and goes after Bailey. He hooks him for a Drake‘s Landing, but Bailey is able to get away, sliding out of the ring as blood pours from the wound on his stomach.

SD: Can we seriously get a medic? I don't need to be seeing what JC had for lunch three days ago.

BJ: Huh?

SD: I'm afraid his stomach is going to come flying out.

BJ: (voice lowers, as he restrains the urge to hurl) That's a pleasant visual, Shane.

JC grabs a roll of tape from a ring attendant and begins to tape his mid section, slight assistance from the ring attendant brings it around his back and back around his stomach, taping the wound shut. Bailey up to the ring apron, but Drake pushes him off and he crashes into the untouched barbed wire net, light tubes exploding everywhere as he hits.

BJ: Well, Shane...you asked for the smashy.

SD: And we're fucking get it now.

BJ: But soon you have to wonder how much blood can JC lose?

SD: I'm hoping we don't find out.

JC is stuck in the barbed wire net. Drake climbs the ropes on the inside of the ring, looking down at JC Bailey. Drake lifts his arm up and dives, hitting an elbow on JC Bailey in the barbed wire net. Several cords of barbed wire snap under the two men’s weight, the steel frame bending under the impact.

BJ: How much gauze do we keep backstage?

SD: Not enough, if you're implying what I think you are.

BJ: Probably not. Meanwhile, they bent the metal frame!

SD: Well, that is a decent sized guy landed on a miniture decent sized guy. It shouldn't be surprising.

BJ: So, you're calling JC a midget?

SD: No, a miniture. You called him a midget. And I have it on record!

Drake is briefly stuck in the net until Todd Gordon gives him a hand out. Drake is now standing on the slightly bent frame, JC still stuck in the barbed wire net. Drake nearly loses his balance, but instead of stepping down, opts to do a standing moonsault right back into the barbed wire net and JC Bailey, the barbed wire completely snapping. Both men spill through the wire and to the arena floor.

SD: That moonsault was not pretty.

BJ: May not have been pretty, but it was definitely effective.

SD: And both men go crashing to the arena floor.

BJ: You have to believe that the barbed wire got stuck there too.

SD: I'd hope not for their sake.

Drake is up first, pulling a few barbs out of his legs and slides into the ring. JC, however, is much more mutilated, vertical and horizontal strands of barbed wire locked into his back, almost making a mesh t-shirt of barbed wire. Bailey slowly pulls away, each individual barb popping out of his flesh, leaving behind a horrifying crimson blanket on the barbed wire and a disgusting stain on the arena floor.

BJ: Folks, we truly hope you are not eating while your watching.

SD: And if you are, please send your carpet cleaning bills to Dave Lenk...

BJ: You want to keep your job?

SD: Well, for the food, I suppose.

BJ: Then can it.

JC slides into the ring slowly and walks right into a light tube shot to the face from Drake Younger. Blood is pouring from the back of JC Bailey, his pants torn and more blood pouring from his legs. Drake grabs a hold of him and tosses him over the top rope, to the arena floor in an area where there is not a barbed wire net.

SD: Drake showing some compassion there.

BJ: How?

SD: He didn't throw him into a net there.

BJ: That's because they've basically destroyed them.

SD: Besides the fact.

Drake goes to the outside, where JC meets him with several rights and lefts to the mid section. Drake stops this come back with a kick right between the legs. Drake Younger grabs JC by the head in a front face lock, then lifts him into the air, dropping him with a vertical suplex onto the steel ramp. JC leaves a bloody outline of his body on the ramp as Drake immediately pulls him back to his feet.

SD: There is a chalk line joke to be made here...

BJ: The guy is bleeding from pretty much everywhere possible and you're making jokes.

SD: No, I said there was one there. I didn't take it.

Drake goes for an Irish whip on Bailey, but Bailey reverses it and Drake goes sailing face first into the ring post. JC immediately crumbles to the ground, unable to follow up his attack. Drake recovers before JC does. He scoops him up in a slam position and brings him to the unbroken barbed wire net, tossing him with a slam right back into the wire.

BJ: Okay, I sit corrected.

SD: How do you figure?

BJ: Now, they attacked all the barbed wire nets...

Drake slides into the ring under the bottom rope then makes his way across the ring, reaching under the bottom rope to grab JC Bailey, rolling him out of the net and into the ring. Drake grabs Bailey by the neck and begins to choke him, referee Bryce Remsburg simply requesting that he stop.

SD: Yeah, good luck with that Bryce.

BJ: I don't think Bryce is going to get through.

SD: Not now. After all that's happened in this match.

BJ: It's like complaining about rain during a tornado. Yeah, you can, but what point does it serve?

Drake lets Bailey up eventually, Bailey rolling away and leaving a bloodstain on the mat where he laid. Bailey weakly fighting back with punches as Drake swarms him. Drake lifts him up, getting under him and putting him onto his own back.

BJ: Looks like Drake is looking for the end.

SD: I would hope so.

BJ: Drake appears to be trying to hook JC for that devastating Drake's Landing, known by most fans as either the Kudo Driver or the Vertebreaker.

SD: A move invented by a female, if I recall correctly.

BJ: Hence the name Kudo Driver. Megumi Kudo.

Bailey in place and Drake falls back, crushing the vertebrae with a devastating Drake’s Landing. Drake with a cover and referee Remsburg into position, 1.….2.… and the bell sounds!

SD: What the hell?

BJ: I think he waited too long. Drake was too focused on punishing JC, and the time limit has expired! To Mel Phillips to let us know for sure...

Drake hops to his feet, raising his hands in the air, but referee Remsburg is having none of it. He goes to the ring apron, meeting ring announcer Mel Phillips and special guest time keeper Phil Margera there.

SD: Who the fuck is that?

BJ: That is Bam Margera's dad.

SD: And again, who the fuck is that?

After a brief meeting and two penis references from Margera, Mel Phillips is able to come over the P/A system with a decision.

MP: The result of this match at thirty minutes even, is a TIME LIMIT DRAW! THERE IS NO WINNER!

Drake can’t believe it. JC seems relieved that he’s retaining his title, but Mel continues.

MP: Furthermore, due to a clause in the Death Match contract, on a draw, the title becomes vacant.

The crowd boos and begins to throw garbage towards the ring. Drake makes a quick exit up the ramp. JC moves much slower and needs assistance from the ringside area.

Cut away to an unknown area, where Delirious sits on a stairwell, perched over. Delirious says nothing, nor does he even look up. Finally, the camera man has to say “we’re on” for Delirious to look up.

Delirious: Sexyxis Chuckies Taylorssshs Tonightthe Delirious hascometowin the Internationalchampionship! Delirious gonna chopchopchip kickkickkick BURNING HAMMAHHHHH!! German suplexyouknowhowitgoeswith the crazyshenigans. Delirious knows InternationalwrestlinglikeElGenerico and Sexyxis Chuckies Taylorssshsh knowsnothing. Tonightssshemd, Deliriouschampion, Deliriousnostabby, BOP! BOP! BOP!

Delirious walks away from where ever he was as we cut away.

Cut back to the ringside area, where Shane Douglas looks absolutely disgusted.

SD: What the FUCK was that?

BJ: I think it was Delirish..

SD: So you understood what he was saying?

BJ: I’m quite fluent in idiot.

SD: Yeah, being around Brandon Thomaselli will do that to you..

BJ (ignoring): Let’s send it to Joel Gertner.. Standing by with the former Television champion, Beef Wellington.

Cut backstage to Joel Gertner, standing outside of a room labeled “Beef Wellington” but underneath a small scribbled in crayon sign says “Leave Cake”. Gertner knocks on the door before opening it. Beef sits without a shirt on a bucket in the middle of the room, despite several nice chairs lining the walls empty. Gertner approaches Beef.

BW: Why? How? How did he beat me? I lost over a pound, dropping myself to a slim, trim, two hundred and nineteen pounds, so I could be in the Ménage Et Trois tournament.. That’s French for “Flippy Retards”, you know.. I’m the number one contender for the World Heavyweight title.. How did JANNETTY beat me??

JG: It may have had something to do with the brass knuckles, the hooked tights, and the feet on the ropes..

BW: Or I’ve lost my smile..

JG: Probably the former..

BW: Probably..

Cut back to ringside, where the sweeping and clean up from the Death Match title match has finished. Mel Phillips stands center ring.

MP: The following match is scheduled for one fall, with a forty five minute time limit.. And it will be the finals of the WCWA International title tournament!

“Hey Sandy” by Polaris hits over the PA system and the crowd immediately goes sour, nearly drowning out the music with boos.

MP: First, representing the Kings of Wrestling, from Raccoon City, weighing in tonight at one hundred and eighty five pounds.. “Sexy” Chuck Taylor!

Taylor makes his way to the ring, sliding in under the bottom rope and immediately going to the top rope and raising his arm with a “BEEYEAAHHH!”

SD: Neither one of the guys in this match is what you could term stable.

BJ: Agreed. One speaks jibberish, and the other is Delirious

Taylor goes to the far corner, referee Bryce Remsburg starts to check him for weapons. Taylor turns it around, checking Remsburg. Flustered, Remsburg abandons his search mid way through.

BJ: Now, if you believe the rumors...that's just because Chuck likes touching other guys.

SD: I would love to see you say that to his face. He'll punch you like you were a grandma.

BJ: Or a little child.

SD: Equal-opportunity. I think it's admirable.

The lights dim. The vocals hit over the loud speakers.. “Gentlemen.. DESTROY!” “Unorthodox Manifesto” by Dimmu Borgir comes in from there and Delirious comes running out of the curtain and down the entrance way, flailing his arms and running wildly.

MP: And his opponent, from the Edge of Insanity, weighing in tonight at one hundred and ninety six pounds, this is DELIRIOUS!!

Delirious runs around the ringside area, slapping hands wildly. He grabs a man’s hat and sends it flying into the ring. Chuck Taylor goes after the hat, dropping an elbow on it before kicking it out of the ring.

BJ: Folks, I hope you aren't expecting us to take this match seriously.

SD: Yeah...why should we when the wrestlers won't? This is like Jannetty-Wellington II tonight.

BJ: Which one would be Jannetty?

SD: Good point...

Delirious slides into the ring and immediately calms down, going down to a squatted perch in the corner, his knuckles to the mat. Referee Remsburg tries to check him for weapons, but Delirious isn’t moving. Bryce abandons his quest, simply calling for the bell. With the ringing of the bell, Delirious goes CRAZY! He runs around the ring on the inside, then runs out, grunting and screaming incoherently.

SD: Longest un-intellectual sentence ever.

BJ: This coming from a 'Dean' folks. He would know.

SD: That joke is beyond old, Jordan.

Delirious back into the ring, still going crazy, he runs right into an arm drag from Chuck Taylor, which Chuck holds in an arm bar. Chuck yells out that he’s done with the craziness, and now it’s time for wrestling. Delirious puts his fingers in his mouth.

BJ: Chuck must not see a lot of Delirious...

SD: Well, this is a title match. Maybe Chuck wants to be serious.

BJ: I do not think either guy is physically capable of such.

Chuck protests to referee Bryce Remsburg about the finger lubrication, telling him to “make Delirious stop being weird”. Remsburg pulls Delirious’ hand out of his mouth and Delirious runs it down the arm of Chuck Taylor, soaking the two’s arm bar connection in ample saliva. Chuck breaks the arm bar quickly, going to Remsburg’s shirt to remove the spit

BJ: One way to get out of a armbar.

SD: A disgusting way.

BJ: We just saw to guys bleeding all over the place, and THAT is disgusting?

SD: Well, yes.

BJ: You have some serious issues..

Chuck seems to be out of his game a little bit. He tells Delirious to run into the far ropes. Delirious does as instructed and Taylor brings him down to the mat with a drop toe hold and a float over. Taylor back to his feet and Delirious is angry. Delirious makes a motion into the ropes, then slaps his shoulder. He then makes a running motion to the ropes closest to the hard camera, then slaps his shoulder again a moment later.

SD: What the hell is he doing?

BJ: How am I supposed to know? No-one ever does.

SD: There are rumors about Dai...

BJ: Sorry. Can't let you finish that. Not a contracted employee.

SD: Asshole.

Chuck seems confused. Delirious runs into the ropes and Chuck hits him with a shoulder block take down. Delirious up, clapping his hands as he runs into the nearest ropes. He comes running back at Chuck Taylor, Chuck jumps out of the way, Delirious still takes a shoulder block from thin air and both men are down.

SD: All this makes me wonder what Punk must be thinking. Since his reign established the belt.

BJ: I am afraid to ask...

SD: I am going to say. Punk strikes me as the type to sue.

Chuck up to his feet first, the air shoulder block seeming to take a lot out of Delirious. Taylor pulls Delirious up with a rear waist lock. Delirious tries, in vain, to counter, before putting his right hand in his mouth again.

SD: What the hell is that nut doing now?

BJ: I'll tell you when I figure it out.

Delirious uses his lubricated figures to slide out of the grip, before doing the same with his left hand. Delirious slides his left hand out as well, and reverses the waist lock, before taking Taylor up and over with a German suplex.

BJ: Ah. Lubrication, it always makes things easier.

SD: You've been speaking to Lizzy Borden, haven't you?

BJ: And Delirious tosses Taylor with the Germ...wait, how does Lizzy tie into this?

SD: She's used a lot of lubrication with Germans?

BJ: I had to ask.

Delirious holds onto the suplex on the mat, rolling his hips and getting right back to his feet. Taylor seems a bit confused as to how the waist lock is still locked. Delirious takes him up and over for another spine bending German suplex. He holds on again, rolling his hips and getting back to his feet again.

SD: Is Delirious going to for the "Three German Amigos"?

BJ: Actually, I believe the official name is "BOPBOPDABADABAROLLINGGERMANSDADABOP".

SD: Good thing there is no spell check on speech.

BJ: Agreed.

Taylor has been sincerely knocked loopy at this point, Delirious loopy since before the match started. Delirious takes Taylor over with a third German suplex, this time releasing as he dumps Taylor onto his spine. Delirious up, slapping his chest and pointing to the corner. Delirious yells out, calling for the “FROGGYWOGGY SPLASHYWASHY”.

SD: Did he just call for a Frog Splash?

BJ: Did you just understand Delirious?

SD: I got hit in the head way too often in ECW.

BJ: And in the other head way too often in XPW.

SD: You had to go there.

BJ: When in Rome, Shane...

Delirious climbs the corner, briefly pointing to the Heaven’s before diving off for a frog splash, nailing a picture perfect frog splash on Chuck Taylor. Delirious stays on him and hooks the leg, 1.…2.… kick out at two and a half by Chuck Taylor.

SD: Delirious ever wrestle Eddie?

BJ: Not that I am aware of?

SD: Then why is he stealing his gimmick?

BJ: It's called paying tribute.

SD: No. It's called oweing royalties!

Delirious up and he goes to the corner again, calling for another splash. He doesn’t immediately splash onto the downed Taylor, but instead waits for Taylor to get to his feet. Taylor is still doubled over in pain when Delirious dives, going for his signature back splash, but Taylor sees it coming and moves. Delirious hits nothing and crash and burns on the mat.

BJ: And Shadows Over Hell misses.

SD: Why even bother letting him back up? Why not another Froggy Woggy?

BJ: You sound like a member of the Wiggles.

SD: Fuck you, Jordan.

BJ: Okay. The pissed off Wiggles.

Delirious down on the mat, rolling over to his back to hold his stomach. Taylor reaches into his tights. Remsburg in to inspect, but he just sees Taylor has a handful of nothing. Taylor announces to the world what he has.

CT: This is a GRENADE! And when I pull the pin, BLAMO!

SD: Oh shit, he has a grenade!

BJ: He does not.

SD: You're going to deny it? Fine, get yourself blown up.

BJ: Idiot.

SD: Yes, you are. I've noticed.

Remsburg looks shocked that Taylor has brought imaginary explosives into play. Taylor takes too much time announcing his plans for an imaginary mass destruction though and Delirious is able to recover. Delirious with a kick to the mid section of Taylor and he sends him into the far ropes. Delirious catches Taylor as he comes running back in, driving him into the mat with a vicious spine buster, right onto the imaginary grenade!!

SD: Man, Chuck better move before that thing blows.

BJ: Surely, you can not be serious.

SD: But I am serious.

BJ: If you add "don't call me Shirley", I'll call Leslie Nielson myself.

SD: Spoilsport.

Taylor jumps up high off the impact, selling the shot like he has just been blown to bits, Remsburg dives up high as well, landing flat on his butt from the impact. The crowd begins to chant in unison “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!!”

BJ: And referee Remsburg will be out for two weeks, recovering from a broken tailbone from an invisible grenade.

SD: Man, where is your sense of humor?

BJ: What do you mean?

SD: The guy is busting his ass, and you're as dry as regular toast up here.

BJ: Busted his ass. Har har.

SD: See, it's not funny when you explain the joke, Jordan.

Delirious with a cover, but Remsburg is still down from the grenade explosion. Delirious smacks his own hand to the mat three times, then gets up. Remsburg slow to his feet, Delirious protesting the shenanigans.

SD: Now, I know Delirious isn't getting mad about other people's chicanery.

BJ: Well, when it costs him a title, he should. He had Chuck beat.

SD: Because Remsburg got blown by a grenade. Biggest ref bump in history.

BJ: You're as deluded as Chuck is.

Taylor from behind Delirious with a school boy, hooking an ample amount of the waistband of Delirious in doing so. Remsburg into position for the count, 1.…2.… kick out at two by Delirious. Delirious back to his feet and he claims Taylor had the tights.

BJ: Okay, if we believe that Tracy Smothers is Chuck Taylor's dad, does that mean a hairpull is next?

SD: But he didn't hook the leg, man!

BJ: That's because he had the tights!

Taylor argues that he didn’t. Remsburg not sure who to believe, the insane lizard man speaking gibberish or the sneaky Chuck Taylor. Delirious grows bored with the argument and comes in, grabbing a hand full of Taylor’s hair and pulling. Remsburg starts a count for the illegal hair pulling. 1.…2.…3.…4.… Delirious breaks the hair pulling at four, only to grab another handful.

BJ: Delirious watching Sumie Sakai lately.

SD: Who?

BJ: Hopefully someone else gets that.

Delirious pulls back hard on the hair, Remsburg restarting the count, 1.…2.…3.…4.… Delirious breaks the hair pulling again, only to restart with the other hand. The crowd chuckles, but this time Delirious isn’t able to get a long count, as Taylor catches Delirious with a kick to the stones, undetected by referee Remsburg.

BJ: So, now it's who can out-cheat the other.

SD: Yeah, this match has broken down.

BJ: It never had any sembelence of order in the first place!

SD: Still. It has broken down further.

Delirious doubles over. Remsburg asks him what happened and Delirious clearly yells “HE KICKED ME IN THE FUCKING DING DONG!” sprinkled in with some gibberish. Cut to a split screen with a Trojan logo, a slow motion replay of Chuck Taylor indeed kicking Delirious in the fucking ding dong.

SD: The Trojan Splat of the night. Brought to you by Trojan. For her pleasure. And yours.

BJ: Time out...

SD: It's irony, Ben. Seeing as Delirious won't be needing them tonight.

BJ: So, he had big plans before that?

SD: You never know with some of these rats.

Remsburg questions the low blow, Taylor denies it and goes right back on the attack on Delirious. He straightens Delirious up, Delirious still holding his junk in pain. Taylor puts a boot to the face of Delirious and falls back, nailing a picture perfect Sole Food on Delirious.

BJ: (chuckling) And there's Sole Food.

SD: What's so funny?

BJ: That is the clearest I have ever heard Delirious, and it is because someone kicked him in the junk.

SD: You are a mean, mean man.

Taylor goes for a pin attempt, Remsburg is reluctant to count, 1.…2.… kick out at two and Taylor can’t believe it. Delirious slow to his feet, shaking his arms. Taylor pounds away at him with forearms. Rights, lefts, stomps, but none of it’s registering with Delirious, he’s just shaking off all the blows, pulling himself to his feet with the ropes. Taylor with a clubbing right on Delirious and Delirious turns around, pointing and yelling “YOU!!!!!”, most of the people in the arena catching on to what he was doing and yelling the “you” along with him.

SD: Oh, for Christ sake.

BJ: Delirious is not Jesus.

SD: The man he is pretending to be thinks he is.

BJ: Shane Douglas' comments do not reflect those of the WCWA. Therefore, Mr. Hogan, should you feel the need to sue...sue him.

SD: Way to show a spine there, Ben.

Taylor falls into his part and backs off as Delirious stalks after him, rejuvenated. Taylor tries to fight back with a punch, but Delirious isn’t feeling it. Another and nothing. Taylor goes for one more and Delirious catches the fist. With his spare hand, Delirious clobbers Chuck, sending him sailing across the ring.

SD: And queue the overselling.

BJ: I have seen this before. A pay-per-view from August last year...

SD: If you say his name, you will do the rest of this show with a broken jaw.

BJ: Sheesh. Someone's bitter. Besides, I wouldn't want my jaw broken, because up next is Mickie Knuckles versus LuFisto!

SD: Dude, that was like two hours ago..

BJ: Fuck! Damn format sheet! *sound of papers flying through the air*

Delirious cups his hand to his ear, calling for the support of the rabid New York City crowd, who are eating up Delirious’ comeback. Delirious into the far ropes and he comes back, nailing a leg drop on Taylor and the crowd goes insane. Delirious with a cover, 1.… kick out from Taylor.

SD: There’s no way he was going to pin him there. All he did was a leg drop..

BJ: And that is a shoot, BROTHER!

Delirious is up and seemingly confused. Taylor from behind with a clubbing forearm to the neck of Delirious. Delirious goes down a little bit and Taylor casual face washes him. Taylor backs up a little bit, Delirious slow to his feet. Taylor comes running in and nails a lariat on Delirious, taking Delirious down. Taylor with a cover on Delirious, 1.…2.… kick out at two from Delirious.

SD: And the lariato gets dos.

BJ: Lariato?

SD: Japanese announcer way of saying it.

BJ: And dos is Hispanic.

SD: I bring diversity to the commentary position, Ben.

Taylor up and he pulls his elbow pad off. He’s calling for another lariat. Delirious slow to his feet, Taylor comes running in, Delirious ducks it and grabs Taylor in a rear waist lock on the way around. Taylor with an elbow and a standing switch into a rear waist lock of his own. He grabs Delirious’ arm and pulls it upwards in a chicken wing type position, lifting him in the process, then sits down, dropping the Lizard man right on his head with a sickening impact, sitting down with it for the Awful Waffle.

BJ: OMEGA DRIVER!

SD: We call it the Awful Waffle.

BJ: Either way, Delirious right on the top of his damn head.

SD: This one is academic, folks.

Delirious is out of it. Taylor with a cover, 1.…2.…3!

BJ: And sure enough, Chuck Taylor is the International champion.

SD: And Delirious is in need of a medic. Right on his head. And not the one Taylor kicked earlier either.

BJ: Stop it!

The bell sounds. “Hey Sandy” by Polaris hits over the P/A system and Mel Phillips makes the announcement official.

MP: Your winner of this match and NEW WCWA International champion.. “Sexy” Chuck TAYLOR!

Taylor is handed in the International championship by Mel Phillips. He lifts it high over his head, then goes to Delirious to taunt with his new title. Taylor exits out of the ring, holding the title over head most of the way. Spotting a youngster in the front row, Taylor opts to take a swipe at him with the title, causing the youngster to cower in fear, Taylor stopping before striking him.

BJ: This man does NOT like children..

SD: Who does, really? Sniveling brats.

One last pose from Taylor before he exits through the curtain and we cut backstage to Joel Gertner, standing by with the Messiah.

JG: Well, well, well, it is I.. fuck it, it’s been a long night.. I’m with Messiah.. Messiah, this is the final hour.. We’re just moments away from the match that could make or break your career.. The three way dance for the vacated WCWA World Heavyweight title.. Your thoughts..

Messiah: Ignoring the ignorance of the man standing beside me, it has been a long night. It's about to get longer for two other people however. Chris Hero. Eddie Kingston. Tonight, destiny finds its' way home. And the gold goes where it belongs.

Messiah looks at Gertner for a moment, a determined fiery look in his eyes, then looks away and steps out of the interview area. The camera follows him briefly, to a hallway labeled “entrance” before cutting away.

Cut away.. Dead air is all that is heard. A black screen is all that can be seen. Slowly, we fade into a shot from Synthetic. Chris Hero and Sabu stand over Necro Butcher’s broken corpse menacingly, Bill Alfonzo blowing a whistle wildly. Dave Prazak gets between the two men and raises both of their hands high into the air. Kris Kloss cuts in for a voice over.

KK: There you see the first man qualified for the three way World Heavyweight title match at Hurt.. But at what cost? Is winning really worth going these crooked roads?

The shot from Synthetic fades down, bringing up a black screen. A heavy voice over kicks in.

V/O: One man would do anything for the championship.. He would sell his soul to the devil himself.. Align himself with his enemies..

Cut to a clip of Chris Hero. His hair is down over his eyes, looking intimidating. He’s removed his Superman-esque logo shirt, standing only in a singlet and baggy pants. The camera pans out from Hero, showing CM Punk standing with an evil smile, but then the picture blacks out.

V/O: One man has fought his entire life for this moment.. Through blood, sweat, and tears.. He’s taken years off his life for this one moment..

Cut to a clip from Wargames. The Messiah is up on the top of the steel cage, Johnny Kashmire as well. Messiah bends down and hooks Kashmire on his shoulders. Messiah holds him there for a moment before jumping off, nailing a Samoan Drop to Johnny Kashmire through all three tables! Cue a voice over from Joey Styles.

JS: OH MY GAWD!!!!!

And we fade back to black..

V/O: And one man has abandoned everything he knew..

A photo of a very young Eddie Kingston, standing with Blackjack Marciano in front of Kevin Knight’s gym in New Jersey appears on screen.

V/O: To get to this point.

Kingston into the corner. He’s stomping his foot. Sabu up slowly. Kingston comes running in and goes for the Yakuza kick, but Sabu ducks. Kingston continues running, hitting the far ropes and coming back. Sabu turns around and catches a Yakuza kick from Kingston on the second attempt. This cuts quickly to Kingston pinning Sabu and getting his hand raised in victory, as a voice over from Kris Kloss cuts in.

KK: And he does it!

Tonight.. Two men will fall short of their dreams.. While one man.. Will forever seal his destiny as one of the greats in this sport. One man will etch his name into the record books alongside names such as Bret “the Hitman” Hart, Shawn Michaels, and AJ Styles as WCWA World Heavyweight champion.. A lifetime of build has led to this one moment..

Cut back to the arena and a live shot. The lights have been dimmed. All that can be seen is Mel Phillips standing in the center of the ring with a microphone in hand.

MP: The following match is scheduled for one fall.. This match will be fought under elimination rules. It will have no time limit, no disqualifications, no count out and it is for the World Championship Wrestling Alliance Heavyweight Championship of the WORLD!

Mel Phillips steps back a bit as the lights dim. The camera shoots from the ring to the entrance way. Suddenly, “Prayer” by Disturbed hits over the P/A system and the crowd erupts.

MP: First, from Detroit, Michigan, weighing in tonight at two hundred and ten pounds.. He was a finalist in the first King of the Death Match tournament.. He is THE MESSIAH!!

The Messiah finally makes his way through the curtain. Messiah has a determined look on his face as he makes his way down the isle, sliding in under the bottom rope and going to the corner. Messiah outstretches his arms at the top rope and the crowd showers him in cheers.

SD: Here’s a fun fact for you, Ben.. While the Messiah has been in WCWA for SEVERAL years.. This is his very first WCWA World Heavyweight title shot..

BJ: Not sure how fun he thinks that is.

SD: Well, look at it this way. It's his best chance to make a first impression.

BJ: And a shot to walk out WCWA Heavyweight champion.

The Messiah off of the ropes as his music finally cuts off. Messiah stands eagerly center ring. The crowd starts up a “Mess-Eye-Ah! Mess-Eye-Ah” chant, which brings Messiah out of his focus momentarily to soak in the admiration from the crowd. The lights dim once more. “Diamonds Over Sierra Leone” by Kanye West hits over the P/A system and the crowd goes crazy once more.

MP: Opponent number two.. Representing the BLK Out.. From the Home of the Brave, Yonkers, New York.. Weighing in tonight at two hundred and forty eight pounds.. He is “The Last of a Dying Breed”.. “The King of Diamonds” Eddie KINGSTON!

SD: Another man getting his first shot at the belt.

BJ: True, but there are outside factors in the favors of both Kingston and Hero, despite the fact that they hate each other. That being, Kingston and Hero both have backup in the building. Hero has the Kings of Wrestling, and Kingston has the BLK Out.

SD: Well, that is a graphic illustration of one thing.

BJ: And that would be?

SD: Messiah has no friends.

BJ: I should’ve seen that coming.

As Mel is making this introduction, Kingston makes his way through the curtain, his singlet straps down. As he makes his way down the isle way, he pulls his singlet straps up and rubs his index finger across his cheek, applying black war paint to each cheek. Kingston to ringside, slow to walk up the steps, waiting a moment for The Messiah to back off to a corner.

BJ: Mind games there, as Kingston waited for Messiah to move.

SD: But does that affect Messiah? I dare say not.

Kingston slides into the ring and goes to a perch in a corner as his music cuts off. The camera slides out of the ring and back up the entrance way. “Kryptonite” by Three Doors Down hits over the P/A system. Quick switch back to the ring, where Eddie Kingston looks absolutely disgusted. Chris Hero makes his way out into the entrance way.

MP: And finally.. Representing the Kings of Wrestling.. From Metropolis.. Weighing in tonight at two hundred and thirty pounds.. He is “Your Hero” Chris HERO!

Chris Hero makes his way down the isle way, a confident grin on his face, one that not even the heckling from the rabid New York City fans can take away. Hero slides into the ring and Kingston tries to immediately attack, but senior referee Jason Verdoes gets between the two and sends Kingston back to his respective corner.

BJ: You can tell Hero is taking this match seriously.

SD: How so?

BJ: His entrance didn’t take an hour tonight.

SD: And with no Nate Webb on the card tonight, we’re suffering from a lack of extraordinarily long entrances.

BJ: I think we’ll live.

Mel Phillips to the outside grabs the WCWA World Heavyweight title and hands it in to Verdoes, who stands in the middle of a triangle of the three participants and holds the title high in the air. Verdoes hands the title back outside to Mel Phillips and calls for the bell. Phil Margera does as instructed for once and the bell sounds, officially beginning this WCWA World Heavyweight title match.

BJ: Fans, Shane and I have been goofing around up here most of the night, but the time for that has come to an end. We are at the main event.

SD: For the WCWA Heavyweight title.

BJ: This is as serious as it gets. Bell rings, and we’re underway

Kingston immediately after Hero, backing him into the corner and showering him with rights, lefts, and forearms, nearly sending Hero down. Hero is finally able to mount a comeback with a poke to the eyes. As Kingston stumbles to the center of the ring, Hero comes in for a HARD European uppercut, stunning the King of Diamonds. Messiah simply stands back and watches.

SD: See, this is where Kingston and Hero could end up hurting each other more then they think.

BJ: How do you figure?

SD: Well, as much as they hate each other, if one takes the other out, then how much will that person have left for the battle with Messiah?

Kingston shakes off the blow and goes after Hero. Leg sweep take down and he mounts Hero for rabid punches to the face. Hero is able to roll Kingston off and get back to his feet. Hero is calling for a Yakuza kick early. Kingston slow to his feet. Hero is ready to take King’s head off. Messiah sneaks up behind Hero and grabs a handful of hair as Hero takes off running for the Yakuza, bringing a sudden stop to Hero’s momentum and sending him to the mat.

SD: Bad idea by Messiah. Why inject yourself in that when you had smooth sailing to a one on one title match?

BJ: Pride. He wants to be able to say that he eliminated both of his opponents.

SD: Well, pride goeth before the fall. He may want to heed those words.

Kingston on top of Hero for a ground and pound. Messiah exits the ring and grabs a chair from ringside. He sits down and simply watches the melee between his two opponents.

BJ: I think he heard you, Shane.

SD: No. He just got his head out of his ass.

Hero rolls Kingston off of him and goes to the corner for a brief breather. Kingston comes running in for an avalanche style splash, but Hero sidesteps out of the corner and Kingston hits nothing but turnbuckles. Hero with a dropkick to the back of Kingston, sending him back into the corner. Hero gets behind Kingston and waits for him to back out of the corner, catching him with a school boy. Referee Jason Verdoes into position for the count, 1.…2... Kick out at two from Kingston.

BJ: And the first two count to Hero.

SD: Off a roll-up. A quick roll-up at that.

BJ: Flash pin, Shane. Catch your opponent off-guard and put him down for a three count.

SD: On a guy like Kingston? Unlikely.

BJ: Agreed. But worth a shot in a situation like this.

Hero up to his feet, Kingston still stunned a bit. Hero on the attack, grabbing Kingston’s head in his patented Cravate and pulling him back to the center of the ring. Kingston is able to elbow his way out of the Cravate and sends Hero into the far ropes. Hero back in, Kingston ducks down for a back body drop, but Hero’s able to put on the breaks and lock in another Cravate.

BJ: Trademark hold there with the Cravate from Hero.

SD: Wear down.

BJ: I don’t know. We’ve seen Hero use some big moves from this. The plex, the cutter, and the blockbuster.

SD: And given the chance, I’m sure he’ll create a couple here tonight.

Kingston seems more frustrated at the Cravates than actually in pain. At this point, The Messiah has decided to re-enter the ring, bringing his chair with him but leaving it sitting in the corner. Hero is turning with Kingston in the Cravate, and turns right into a palm strike from The Messiah, dazing Hero but not forcing him to relinquish the three fourths chancery.

SD: I thought you learned, Messiah! Let them fight!

BJ: Again, it’s pride, Shane.

SD: Well, he needs to get the fuck over that. What’s more important? Your pride or the Heavyweight title?

BJ: To a guy like Messiah, it’s possible that there may not be a correct answer.

Kingston, still in the Cravate, hooks a leg of Hero and lifts him in the air, dropping him with a modified side slam and escaping the Cravate once more. Kingston back to his feet and he walks right into a side headlock from The Messiah. Kingston whips Messiah off into the far ropes. Messiah back and he leapfrogs over Kingston. Messiah into the near ropes, Kingston dives out of the way as Hero enters the picture, drilling Messiah on the rebound with a vicious diving forearm.

BJ: And to your point, Messiah get hit for the first time in this match.

SD: He should have bided his time. For a guy who cut such a powerful speech before this show, he sure isn’t wrestling like he wants it.

Hero goes down for a cover, but Kingston is right on top of him, pulling him off with a handful of hair. Kingston pulls Hero up to his feet and slaps him hard across the face. Hero with a slap right back. Kingston backs off a bit, then spins back, DRILLING Hero with a back fist and Hero goes down.

BJ: BACKFIST TO THE FUTURE!

SD: And down goes Hero.

BJ: One of King’s patented moves, and he hit it early in this match!

Messiah down for a cover on Hero, 1... Broken up at one by Kingston. Messiah is up to a vertical base and he shoves Kingston. Kingston comes back and drills Messiah and Messiah goes flying backwards. Kingston goes back after Hero, giving Messiah the time needed to recover, and grab the chair he brought in previously. Kingston and Hero battling it out, Messiah from behind Kingston. He taps him on the shoulder with the chair. Kingston turns around ready to fight but ends up catching a chair right between the eyes for his trouble.

SD: Ah yes. What fun is a WCWA title match without the sound of steel cracking someone in the head?

BJ: And down goes Eddie Kingston.

SD: Sheesh, you sound like Howard Cossell. (Mocking Jordan) Down goes Frazier.

BJ: Back to the match…

Hero backs off a bit as Messiah still has the chair in his hands. While Messiah is distracted with Hero, Kingston is able to get his senses from the chair shot and drills Messiah with a low blow. Messiah crumbles, dropping the chair in the process.

SD: And Messiah gets hit in the….

BJ: If you make a penis euphemism, you’re doing the rest of this show on your own.

SD: Gee, not even a slight sense of humor.

Kingston is back to his feet, but woozily. Like a vulture, Hero swarms in and locks on another Cravate. Instead of the typical submission Cravate, Hero pulls Kingston up and flips him over with a Cravate suplex. Kingston down and Hero goes for a cover and Verdoes slides into the count, 1.….2.… Kingston gets his right shoulder up at two.

BJ: And there is that aforementioned Cravate-Plex.

SD: Wow, you called Hero using a move based on a Cravate. What genius revelation do you have for us next? The sky is blue? The sun is hot?

BJ: Shane Douglas was a ‘Dean’.

SD: Fuck you, Jordan.

Messiah has grabbed the chair once more. He meets Hero at his feet with a jab to the mid section and Hero doubles over. Messiah winds the chair back and swings, but Hero gets out of the way, running into the far ropes. Messiah turns towards Hero, who comes back and kicks the chair hard with a Yakuza kick, sending the chair sailing back into Messiah’s head, the lip of the chair ricocheting off of Messiah’s temple.

BJ: Yakuza into the chair!

SD: And the kick is good!

BJ: Oh, real funny.

Messiah is down on the mat. From the lip of the chair, he now has a thin crimson mask running down his forehead. Hero leans over Messiah to trash talk, but Eddie Kingston sneaks up from behind and KILLS Hero, dropping him right on his head with a vicious Back Drop Driver. Kingston is the last man standing. He looks at Hero, then at Messiah, and opts to go for the pin on Messiah. Verdoes down for the pin, 1.…2.… Messiah kicks out and the fans cannot believe it!

SD: What the HELL was King thinking?

BJ: How do you figure?

SD: He hit one of his finishers on Hero, and tries to pin Messiah. Who had time to recover from the chair shot, while King was hitting Hero with that Backdrop Driver.

BJ: Maybe he wants to beat Hero for the belt.

SD: And technically, the belt is on the line, so he could have done that right now.

Kingston off of Messiah and Hero traps him with forearms to the back of the head. Kingston turns around, Hero with another forearm attempt, but Kingston traps him and throws him with a belly to belly suplex Hero stumbles back to his feet and Kingston dives at him, nailing him with a shoulder block and sending Hero between the top and middle ropes, a hard fall to the outside.

BJ: And Kingston takes Hero to the floor.

SD: Now, does King do the smart thing, and try to wear down Messiah in the ring, or act like an idiot by going to the floor and going after Hero?

Kingston at the ropes, about to go to the outside after Hero, but The Messiah catches him. Messiah with a whip to Kingston into the far ropes. Kingston comes back, Messiah goes for a clothesline, but Kingston ducks under it, scooping the chair up. Messiah now has a full fledged crimson mask, which is splattered right from his face from a chair throw from Eddie Kingston.

BJ: Messiah makes the choice for him.

SD: What kind of moron is Messiah? He had a chance to lay back and recover while King went after Hero on the floor. Instead, in his weakened state, he picks a fight with the man in the best shape in the match. Well, at the moment.

BJ: I was about to say.

SD: You know what I mean, Ben.

Hero, on the outside, has pulled a table from underneath the ring, slowly pulling the legs out and setting it up on the arena floor. Kingston back after Messiah, but Messiah is able to fight him off with a couple of potato shots, a vile thump off the head of Eddie Kingston. This just seems to fire up The King, who comes back at Messiah with punches of his own. Messiah tries to get away, but King traps him with a handful of shirt for more shots.

BJ: What a bunch of hypocrites the Kings of Wrestling are!

SD: How do you get that?

BJ: “No hardcore. No place for that in wrestling”, and yet here is Hero pulling out a table.

SD: It’s irony, Ben.

BJ: No, it’s hypocrisy.

SD: Well, yeah, but you expect anything else from Chris Hero?

BJ: Touché.

Messiah is now bleeding everywhere after Kingston’s facial shots, opening the wound on his head WIDE open. Hero back into the ring, Kingston goes after him, but Hero meets him with a European Uppercut. Hero after Messiah with a Cravate, but Kingston comes diving at the pair, clipping Hero’s legs from underneath him, which causes Hero to spike Messiah right into the mat with a modified neck breaker.

SD: See. Told you he’d come up with some wacky variation we hadn’t seen before.

BJ: I think that was more Kingston’s doing then Hero’s.

SD: Either way, I called.

BJ: So, from a ‘Dean’ to Carnac in a decade. Not bad work, actually.

SD: Bite me, Jordan.

Messiah is almost out of it, Hero wobbles back to his feet, his knee obviously bothering him. Kingston grabs Hero and tosses him over the top rope, but Hero lands on the ring apron. Hero lands in such a way though, that his knee takes a great deal of force, and his legs simply buckle under him, but he holds himself up with the ropes.

SD: And to the surprise of many, it has been Eddie Kingston with the best strategy here.

BJ: Weren’t you just bashing him like 5 minutes ago?

SD: Well, now his strategy has taken effect. With that one chop block, he has rendered both Hero and Messiah at a disadvantage. With Hero’s knee, and Messiah’s head.

Messiah goes to the ring apron, going after Hero. Hero meets Messiah on the apron with some punches, both men battling just above the table that Hero set up earlier in the match. Messiah with a hard right hand and Hero goes toppling off the ring apron, but clears the table entirely for a hard back splat on the arena floor.

BJ: I think going through the table would’ve helped Hero there.

SD: I think I’m with you there. Would beat that sickening splat he just made on the concrete down there. Having cleared the NYAC mandated pads.

Messiah thinks he’s come out victoriously in the duel, but has forgotten about Kingston. Kingston comes from behind Messiah. A hard chop from Kingston and he scoops Messiah up. Kingston dives off the ring apron and PLANTS Messiah right through the table with a Michinoku driver. The table explodes under the weight of the two men. Referee Jason Verdoes scrambles to the outside as Kingston has hooked Messiah’s leg following the driver. Finally in place, Verdoes counts on the arena floor, 1.…2...3!!

BJ: And there’s our first elimination!

SD: And one destroyed table.

BJ: As Messiah falls victim to the Michinoku Driver, leaving us with Hero and Kingston for the belt.

SD: Guess Messiah was over-stepping his destiny there.

BJ: Oh, give it a rest.

The fans are shocked.. The Messiah has been eliminated. Over the public address system, Mel Phillips makes the announcement official.

MP: The Messiah has been ELIMINATED!

Messiah still down in the wreckage of the table, Kingston slowly pulling himself out of the debris. The screen splits in two, one showing the live shot, the other showing the replay of the Michinoku driver. Below the replay screen is a logo for Orkin. The replay plays through with Messiah’s head spiking through the table and to the arena floor.

SD: Messiah’s elimination brought to you by Orkin. That pest has been exterminated!

BJ: Oh, give it a rest.

SD: Hey, blame our producers for selling the elimination to them in the first place.

BJ: Who is our producer?

SD: Hell if I know. We never mention the little guys

Back to live action, The Messiah is being helped to the back by several referees around. Hero, wobbling, has gone back on the attack on Kingston, smashing half of the table right into Kingston’s face. Hero pulls Kingston back to a vertical base and rolls him into the ring.

BJ: And as Messiah leaves, the battle for the title rages on.

SD: Down to the two men with the biggest backing foundations in the WCWA.

BJ: Makes you wonder if the BLK Out or the Kings are going to get involved.

SD: You almost expect it.

Hero after Kingston, Kingston’s trying to shove him off. Hero with a palm strike to Kingston’s forehead. Kingston up to his knees. He’s firing back, but Hero puts a stop to it with a brutal knee to the face. Kingston down momentarily and Hero goes for the cover, 1.…2.… kick out at two from Kingston.

BJ: Fans, the good wrestling part of this match has ended. With these two, it’s a brawl.

SD: Which is to say, these guys are going to knock the SHIT out of each other.

Hero up and he’s beginning to get frustrated. Hero goes to the top rope nearest to Kingston. Hero dives off with a senton bomb, but Kingston gets his knees up and Hero splats over the knees. Hero bounces from the knees and springs into the ropes. Kingston to his feet, Hero bounces back with a spin. He’s going for a roaring elbow, but Kingston gets his arms up for a block. Hero spins around and nails a back fist right to the mouth of Kingston.

SD: And let the move stealing begin!

BJ: Backfist to the Future by Hero!

SD: Like I just said…

Kingston wobbles, but he doesn’t fall. Hero spins for another back fist, but Kingston is able to duck it. Kingston grabs Hero and pulls him backwards, dropping him right on his head out of no where with a back drop driver. The crowd explodes into cheers, but Kingston’s too winded to immediately make the cover.

BJ: Backdrop driver again to Hero!

SD: That’s the second one this match.

BJ: Thanks for that insight.

SD: Anytime.

BJ: This time, Kingston is too worn out to make the cover, though.

SD: Which goes back to my point earlier about how he should have covered Hero with it the first time.

Kingston slowly crawls over to Hero and drapes one arm across the chest of Chris Hero. Referee Jason Verdoes slides into position and starts the count, 1.…2.… kick out before three by Hero and the fans cannot believe it!!

BJ: And a kickout by Hero!

SD: It was that delay to catch his breath. King allowed Hero a few seconds there, and it was all the time Hero needed to recover.

Kingston up to his knees and he’s shocked. Kingston slaps the mat a few times before pulling down his singlet straps. Kingston pulls Hero up with a handful of hair. Hero is trying to fight him off, but Kingston backs him up into the corner. Kingston with a stiff chop, but the shirt on Hero deflects some of the sting. Kingston is unimpressed, grabbing the collar of the shirt and ripping it right down the center of the Chris Hero logo.

SD: Oooh. You ripped Hero’s t-shirt! That is gimmick money out his pocket!

BJ: Will you stop?

SD: It’s the truth. You think these shirts are free?

BJ: Well, no. But Hero could just ask the boys in the store for one.

SD: When’s our online store opening, anyway?

BJ: About the time we announcers get paid.

SD: We get delicious Quizno’s subs, don’t we?

BJ: (Groan)

Kingston opens up on Hero, one chop, another, another, Hero’s chest is lighting up an awkward shade of red as Kingston demolishes him with brutal chops. Kingston with more chops out of the right hand, Hero’s chest becoming very discolored. Hero is finally able to block one of the right hand shots, but Kingston drills him with a left that echoes through the arena.

BJ: Jesus Christ, that’s a lot of chops.

SD: How many chops was it?

BJ: Huh?

SD: I thought that was a set-up line.

BJ: Well, it wasn’t. Quit screwing around.

Hero with a thumb to the eyes of Kingston and he comes back with chops of his own, backing himself out of the corner. Hero is firing back on Kingston, he flips Kingston into the corner and is opening up with chops, discoloring Kingston’s chest in the same way Kingston just did his. Without missing a beat, Kingston throws a wild head butt, not using his hands to steady Hero and simply drilling him right between the eyes. Both men wobble, Kingston falling back into the corner, Hero to his butt on the mat.

BJ: (shrieks)

SD: Normally, I would take offense to that, but man, that was shriek worthy.

BJ: And both men are out of it thanks to that.

Hero is still dazed in his seated position. Kingston has regained composure enough to dash out of the corner and drill Hero in the chin with a running knee. Kingston makes a cover on Hero, Verdoes down for the count, 1.…2.… kick out from Hero and the crowd can’t believe it.

SD: Okay, a bit liberal with the kickouts there, Chris.

BJ: WCWA title is on the line, Shane. Hero is going to do anything he has to, in order to win it.

SD: True. But still.

Kingston pulls Hero back to his feet. Hero tries to fight off Kingston with some elbows, but Kingston has a strong grip. Kingston attempts a whip, but Hero uses Kingston’s momentum to spin and clobber Kingston right in the ear. Kingston stumbles downwards, losing his balance from the shot.

SD: Hero messing with the equilibrium.

BJ: Must have been watching Homicide and Steve Corino.

SD: Yeah, people will get that one, I guess.

Hero in on the attack, grabbing Kingston with a Cravate, interlacing his fingers and locking in the three fourths chancery tightly. Kingston tries to bust the Cravate with a small ax handle, but Hero has it locked in tightly. Hero pulls Kingston up and over and Cravate suplexes him, tossing him right into the bottom turnbuckle. Kingston is folded up awkwardly from his landing.

BJ: And a second Cravate-plex by Hero puts King down.

SD: Not just a Cravate-plex. A Cravate-plex into the buckle. For that extra added asshole touch!

Hero on the attack, pulling Kingston by one leg out of the corner. He thinks about going for the pin, but instead opts to lock on a leg lock of sorts, putting his leg between the two legs of Kingston in an STF position, then locks in a Cravate in combination with the hold.

BJ: Hangman’s Clutch!

SD: The fans know what that move is.

BJ: Hey, I’m the play by play. It’s my job to call them rather the fans know them or not.

SD: Does that mean it’s my job to have faux heart attacks and shill baseball cards?

BJ: You shill everything else. Why the hell not?

Kingston squeals in pain, his neck worn down through the match from various Cravates and head drops. Kingston is struggling to get to the ropes, pulling all his body weight, as well as dragging Hero on his back. The crowd shows their support for Kingston, chanting his name loudly as his valiantly struggles to get to the ropes. Kingston is just inches away from the ropes, but Hero breaks the hold.

SD: Now, why would Hero let go?

BJ: Thinking that he is clean enough to the ropes to get the break, this way he could drag him back to the center of the ring.

Hero pulls Kingston up to his feet and locks him in a rear waist lock. Hero lifts Kingston up into the air and drops him across his own knee with an atomic drop, but Hero doesn’t release, whipping Kingston right backwards for his own variation of Kingston’s backdrop driver.

SD: And a back-drop driver from Hero!

BJ: For a guy that knows as many moves as Hero does, you’d think he wouldn’t have to steal any from Kingston.

SD: It’s not stealing. It’s liberal borrowing.

BJ: Right. And I’m a prince in England.

SD: Nice to meet you, Prince. And here I thought you were from Chicago.

Kingston’s knees and neck are hurt, and Hero goes right back after the submission hold. He gets the leg lock halfway locked in, but Kingston is able to roll himself over. Hero modifies his own positioning and mounts Kingston, pounding away at the face of the King of Diamonds with a brutal ground and pound.

SD: MMA Hero?

BJ: Hey, if they can call what they do wrestling, we can call ours MMA.

SD: Ground and pound from Hero here.

BJ: Probably not something Kingston was expecting.

SD: Which makes it that much smarter to do.

Kingston is trying to cover himself up, but Hero is brutally bashing him with severe strikes to the face. Kingston opts to quit protecting himself, instead nailing Hero right in the throat with a palm strike. Hero climbs off of Kingston, gagging and coughing for air. Referee Jason Verdoes reprimands Kingston for the somewhat illegal strike, Kingston loudly tells him to fuck off.

SD: Isn’t this No DQ?

BJ: Yes. As has been the entire tournament.

SD: Then why is Verdoes yelling about that throat strike?

BJ: Course of habit, I’d imagine.

Hero has bowed his head on the top rope, trying simply to regain his air and be able to breath again. Kingston comes running in and nails a Yakuza kick to Hero’s head, sandwiching Hero’s head between the top rope and the turnbuckle, but Kingston falls backwards in agony from the knee abuse as well.

BJ: And both men down again.

SD: About how far into this match are we?

BJ: Close to, if not a little over 30 minutes.

SD: See, that is a lot of wear and tear on these guys. Add in that King has had his knee worked over, and Hero is having trouble breathing, makes sense that both would try to catch their breath here.

Kingston down on the mat now from his own offense. Hero falls backwards and drapes an arm across Kingston’s chest. Referee Verdoes goes for the count, the crowd counting along in dismay as the referee’s hand hits the mat, 1.….2.….. KICK OUT BY EDDIE KINGSTON AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!

SD: Man, these fans would have rioted if that was the finish.

BJ: Do we have a riot squad here?

SD: I do not think so. Though we should!

Hero up to his feet. He pulls off his elbow pad and goes to the legs of Kingston. Several exposed elbow smashes to the injured knee of Kingston, Kingston screaming in pain with each one. Hero jumps in the air and drops a knee drop right onto Kingston’s knee. Hero grabs one of Kingston’s legs. Slowly and methodically, Hero grapevines Kingston’s two legs around one of his own and then drops down center ring, locking in a figure four leg lock.

BJ: Figure four leg lock locked in, shades of the legendary “Nature Boy”..

SD: Don’t even say. I swear to God and my father..

BJ: Buddy Rogers?

SD: Oh.. Well played..

Kingston screams in misery immediately, the submission hold ripping and pulling away at the injured knee. Hero props himself up with his own hands for leverage, Kingston screaming in pain. Kingston tries to sit up, possibly to reverse the hold.

BJ: Going for the reversal here..

SD: I somewhat question if Hero has the leg strength left at this point for a full fledged figure four.. And if Kingston gets it reversed.. How long will Hero be able to take the pressure?

BJ: Good point..

Both men now holding themselves up, Hero still applying massive amounts of pressure with the figure four leg lock. Hero screams at Kingston to tap out. Kingston replies with an affirmative fuck you. Hero pulls one of his arms off the mat to slap Kingston. The shot resounds through the arena as Hero falls to the mat. Referee Jason Verdoes quick to see the shoulders on the mat starts a count on Hero, 1... Hero gets the right shoulder up.

BJ: Hero almost pinned himself..

SD: Hero’s gotta watch those slaps.. And putting his own shoulders to the mat. At this point in the match, Hero could believably pin himself from exhaustion.

BJ: Good point..

SD: What’s with the repetitive lines?

BJ: It’s been a long night.. It feels like we’ve been here for a week!

SD: Get used to it..

Hero back up to his hands and he’s trash talking Kingston. Kingston spits right in Hero’s face. Hero pulls a hand from underneath his balance to slug Kingston again, this time popping him right in the eye. Blood begins to ooze from the eyebrow of Kingston as he crashes to the mat. Verdoes makes a count as both of Kingston’s shoulders are down, 1.….2.…. Kingston gets the left arm up.

SD: SUCKER PUNCH!

BJ: I don’t know how much damage that did to the King, but I’m sure it’s going to fire him up, which could be VERY dangerous for Hero..

SD: And he’s still locked in that figure four.. If Kingston’s knee wasn’t hurt before.. It almost surely is now..

Kingston leans up, screaming in pain as the figure four tears at his knee. He’s trying to turn the figure four over, to reverse the pressure back to Chris Hero. Hero is fighting it, leaning all his weight to the left while Kingston goes to the right. Kingston makes a quick switch and rolls to the left, rolling the figure four right over and reversing the hold.

BJ: HE REVERSED IT!

SD: Hero’s gotta get out of there quickly.. He can’t take that pressure turned back on him.. That knee’s taken a lot of abuse..

BJ: And even applying the figure four for this long likely did damage on it, not to mention the reversal..

Hero is now the one in agony, but quickly breaks the hold. Kingston is down on the mat, his knee in a bad way. Hero grabs the leg of Kingston and tries to lock in the figure four again, but Kingston is able to kick Hero’s legs from underneath him.

BJ: Kingston’s a scrapper.. You’re not just going to lock him in the same hold again..

SD: And a shout out goes to Zack Gowen.. At this point, he’s like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest..

Kingston crawls to the ropes, using the ropes to pull himself up. Hero goes after Kingston and grabs him up in another Cravate. Once more, Hero tosses Kingston to the center of the ring with a Cravate suplex. Kingston’s head bounces off the mat with a great deal of impact before he lands flat on the mat.

BJ: CRAVATE SUPLEX!!

SD: HE DROPPED HIM RIGHT ON HIM DOME!!

Hero goes back after the legs, locking in a figure four leg lock again, but Kingston isn’t moving. Referee Jason Verdoes counts the shoulders down to the mat, 1.…2.…3!

BJ: Did he tap??

SD: I think he got knocked out!

The bell sounds, referee Verdoes forces Hero to break the hold. With a bit of a limp himself, Chris Hero gets to his feet. Mel Phillips comes over the public address system with the announcement.

MP: The winner of this match.. And the NEW World Championship Wrestling Alliance UNDISPUTED World Heavyweight champion.. “Your Hero” Chris HERO!

“Kryptonite” by Three Doors Down hits over the P/A system as the crowd rains Hero in boos, as well as a spattering of paper cups and other garbage. Mel Phillips hands in the WCWA World Heavyweight title into Chris Hero, narrowly avoiding a low flying plastic cup in doing so. Hero gasps the title and holds it close to him, almost like a baby would his blanket.

BJ: Hero fought for that title.. He gave it everything he had..

SD: All three men laid their balls on the line here..

BJ: But in the end, it was Chris Hero that came out on top..

Hero turns back to Kingston, who is being helped out of the ring by referees and Robby Mireno. Hero goes over to Kingston, but Mireno leaves Kingston’s side and gets right in the face of Hero. Hero pie faces Mireno to the ground and steps over Kingston, talking trash to the unconscious King of Diamonds.

BJ: Oh, he’s a brave man, talking trash to a knocked out Kingston and beating up on Mireno..

SD: Mireno’s a grown man.. He can take care of himself..

Hero holds the championship belt high over his head over the prone body of Eddie Kingston, striking a symbolic pose as the crowd continues to bombard the ring with garbage.

BJ: There you have it.. Once more, the WCWA has a definitive “top man” and that man is Chris Hero.

SD: But what permanent damage was done to Eddie Kingston here tonight.. And more importantly, what damage was done to Hero?

BJ: Only time will tell.. For “The Franchise” Shane Douglas, Joel Gertner, Chuck Taylor, and everyone here in WCWA, I am “The Mouth of the Mid South” Ben Jordan..

SD: You haven’t earned a nickname yet.

BJ: Signing out.. We’ll see you on Synthetic from Germany!

Hero stands over Kingston with the title in hand victoriously as the Pay Per View fades to black.

BJ: (hardly audible): I think I got this format thing figured out finally..

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