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Discussion Starter #1
My little cousin, who I baby sit when I was 12 and he was 6 hung himself yesterday. He'd been using drugs and got hooked up with a girl who ended up preggo. After she had the kid he wanted them to stop but they couldn't get together on it for the last couple of years. She'd use, sorry, quit, he'd be jealous of it, sorry, we'll quit. He was more and more depressed over it, but this was still off guard. She's going to a rehab program in another state tomorrow (hopefully that will work out), his mom and dad, my aunt and uncle, are taking custody of the baby.

I brought them spaghetti, meatloaf, and some brownies today (that's what you do at southern wakes - food) and they asked if since I just gave my bro back his hunting dogs, would I be willing to take in E's dog, a half Australian Shepard, half collie, it's a mix they favor a lot b'c they like them to go on horse rides with them.

His name is Lobo and he's a beautiful boy. 8 months, dark red with a white face, and golden eyes. They asked becuase he's so timid but he came and loved on me today so much (all dogs love me, it's not unusual). I like cats better, but he's a beauty and I think he'll be a good one. I've already loaded a dog hauler to snag him and got my bro to bring a barrel house down for him to sleep in and I've filled it with cedar chips.

I think he should be a good pet. It's weird because I also took in Fast Black, the cat, because her owner died.

I know it's just an animal, but it feels a bit strange to take in what is a bit of life, to keep the sweet boy alive right now, and it happens because of an especially tragic death.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Sorry for your loss. That's a heartbreaking story.
Meth and oxy. I despise meth, too may people I've seen throw away their lives on it. Oxy's seem to go along with it now, when I was a youngster it was Xanax.

I'm still spun over it, we're all Catholic so it's a sort of fraught situation right now. I'm not mad at him, just the kind of thing where I wish I could have known the extent of it and reached out. Of course, who's to say that would have helped, IDK.

One thing I'm sure, he'd be proud for a person that'll take good care to keep Lobo.

Weirdest thing tonight was not the dog, it was them wanting me to pray the Salve Regina. They all know the Hail Holy Queen, but I know all of the traditional prayers in Latin. I did it, but Latin ain't shit compared to saying it with the right intention and I'm not even sure I can.

Even if I still believed everything the Church teaches, it's not sure that a person committing suicide is committing a mortal sin, human beings can't know their culpability, only God knows that. For myself, it's hard to hold him personally responsible. Yes, there are people that feel awful about this, but he must have felt awful about staying alive. It was him or you, who's to say who was the more selfish for insisting the other ones stay alive and suffer through it.
 

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I'm so, so sorry. It's a horrible situation, but please take comfort from the fact that whatever demons were driving your cousin, he's now at peace. I'm also from a Catholic family, so I can imagine how things are for you right now. I am seriously lapsed but I have never believed that taking your life is a mortal sin. A loving God would love your cousin unconditionally and that's what you have to keep in mind no matter what other family members might say.
Drugs are the fucking devil. Your cousin was a different person on them and the strength it takes to quit is unimaginable when you are also struggling with other things too. His plate was simply too full.
I'm so glad you took in his dog. I'm sure he will bring you great comfort. Much love to you.
 

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Discussion Starter #7 (Edited)
Here's Lobo, he's laying on the front porch in the shade behind one of the rose bushes, he's all chill because I put some water in a big metal tub and he's been laying in it. Sad time going to get him. My aunt and uncle are so broken up over this. Thankfully they aren't holding it against their son, they wish they could have helped, but know they probably couldn't have penetrated his pain, which is probably the best attitude they could have right now to help them heal over this.

I brought down a high chair for the kiddo and helped them set up a bedroom for him. As an aside, it's really nice to be around family that knows and accepts me. One of E's aunties from out of state tried to give me the baby and my uncle said, "No, no, no, Case doesn't want to hold him." They laugh at the fact that I don't think kids are human until they turn four years old.
 

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Discussion Starter #8 (Edited)
Going to pick up some toys and a parvo shot for Lobo today. He stole the ceramic frog off the side of one of my potted plants and chewed it to bits. Also chewed some of the aloe, it won't hurt the aloe plant, they're hard to kill, but Lobo's going to be shitting like crazy this afternoon, aloe is a laxative if you ingest it.

ETA: Dammit, he's chewed up his plastic water dish, too.

ETA: Motherfucker, now he's chewed into a bag of potting soil.

ETA: Got a bunch of toys, maybe he'll be okay.

ETA: Not okay, he got on the porch swing last night so he could reach up high on the shelf where I keep my gardening supplies. He's acted like he was frightened to get in the swing when I was there, I guess he got bold in the middle of the night. Ate a leather glove, chewed into some fertilizer pellets, and stole all of the peat pots and tore them apart. Also went to the other side and chewed the bottom of the sisal rope from a hanging ivy pot. :(

ETA: Just came home and he's eaten more aloe. I said, "Goddammit, Lobo!" and this motherfucker is gonna slow-look over his left shoulder then his right shoulder. No, Lobo, there is not another suspicious dog standing behind you, it was you. You did it.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Swiped at Joubert's face and frightened her. This is not tolerated, as Lobo quickly found out. He hid under the big truck for an hour then crept out to nuzzle up and say sorry. All's forgiven for now.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
I'm so, so sorry. It's a horrible situation, but please take comfort from the fact that whatever demons were driving your cousin, he's now at peace. I'm also from a Catholic family, so I can imagine how things are for you right now. I am seriously lapsed but I have never believed that taking your life is a mortal sin. A loving God would love your cousin unconditionally and that's what you have to keep in mind no matter what other family members might say.
Drugs are the fucking devil. Your cousin was a different person on them and the strength it takes to quit is unimaginable when you are also struggling with other things too. His plate was simply too full.
I'm so glad you took in his dog. I'm sure he will bring you great comfort. Much love to you.
Thank you so much, I've re-read your post multiple times the last two days and it means a lot to me. I know we're strangers on the internet, but I feel like you can somewhat understand the ambivalent feelings I'm having about this. I appreciate it very much.
 

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Discussion Starter #12 (Edited)
Scared of Fred. There's an irony to the fact that my dogs are called Joubert (Bear), Lobo (Wolf), and then Fred, just Fred, that's all that means. Lobo had learned to fetch a tennis ball, he's still chewing on everything else.
 
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