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Discussion Starter #1
We see nothing but a black screen and as the following words appear a voice is heard reading them.

My past is a rather peculiar time in my life...
There were ups.

An image of Owen receiving a trophy for winning a high school sports event is shown.

And there were downs...

Now we see an image of an 8 year old Owen being towered over by a gang of other children.

We now zoom way far away from the words and images to see 8 year old Owen walking to school; he sighs before entering the gates, and then slowly walks in watching his back as he does so.

For me in my early life, walking into school was like walking on thin ice, you put a foot wrong and its game over for you. Why was it like this? Matthew Turner. He may as well of been a teacher because there was never any of them trying to stop him. But if anyone did you’d pay the price, though never by his hand. In retrospect he was probably one of the weakest kids in the class, but he somehow had a grip on the power side of things. He had his own little gang of thugs that would laugh at his jokes no matter how terrible they were; follow him in all his endeavours; jump into action at the click of his fingers and he even had that kind of cliché kid that would always repeat what he just said for emphasis and be a sort of yes man to him.

We watch as young Owen takes a seat before his class starts and a group of kids who are all coincidentally in ‘the gang’ also had seats completely surrounding Owen. The usual bullying methods went down; a few kicks under tables, wet willies, name calling and an annoying poke or two...
By this stage I was pretty used to this crap and it didn’t have a huge effect on me... break time was the hard part.
We fast-forward through the lesson and come to a playground where Owen is about to tuck into a ham sandwich. Out of nowhere the sandwich is slapped from Owen’s hands onto the ground. He looks up and stood before him is none other than Matthew and his thugs. Owen sighs, rolls his eyes and hands them his bag, they open it and tip the contents on the floor and search for goods. But to no avail as there are only rice cakes and a stick of celery in the bag.


“Where’s the real food nerd?” Matthew asks.
“My mum’s making me take on a healthier lifestyle so that’s all I got,” Owen answers.

Matthew growls before walking away with his group.

That day was supposed to be the day I found a way out and gained freedom, my plan was brilliant, but old Matthew wasn’t as dumb as he looked.

Owen quickly un-tucks his shirt and empties a bag of crisps and a bounty bar out of his shirt. His expression is proud and a slight devilish smile passes his face, but just as he picks us the crisps he is trampled by the gang. Matthew walks up and takes the food.

“Pleasure doin’ business with you”
he says with a smirk on his face as Owen sits on the floor covered in dirt with the gang staring down at him, the screen freezes.

Recognise this image? It’s the one you saw earlier... Not one of my greatest moments but there was another image presented to you earlier as well.

We fast-forward years later where a 14 year old Owen is running a cross country race. He is in a small pack of people and they have pulled away from the school and no teachers are monitoring the field leg of the race. A boy beside Owen pulls out a bag of marbles and as he is about to tip them out Owen hits him with a huge shoulder tackle, planting him into the ground. Another boy shouts

“The hell you doing James?”

Owen side-steps to him then stops and grabs him by the throat, he tosses him into a group of oncoming people. He catches up to the pack again and looks around staring at them. A few people back away from him and another three circle him. As two of them charge at him he ducks and rolls forward to avoid them and they crash into and fall on top of one another.

You see, I have turned my life around so much! And it’s only going to keep on getting better.

There is one left and as it seems he wants to slow down and back away from Owen, Owen stops right in front of him and hits him with a spine buster. There’s now only one person left in front of Owen, so he sprints to catch up to him. He doesn’t realise Owen is behind him but Owen realises they’re nearly back in view of the teachers. Realising this, Owen sneakily swipes the guy’s legs and leaves him in the dust. After a little more running the finish line is in view and Owen sprints to it and takes the trophy after crossing the line.

You’ve also seen this image earlier and to let you all know there’s going to be a very similar image come this week’s eclipse, except there won’t be a trophy involved, it will just be a bunch of broken men that are all losers, lying around in pain. And there will be one last man standing. His name will be Owen James!

Fade out
 

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Well, it is an improvement from your last work, at least in my opinion, but I think you used too many clichés, at least in the bullying part, and went a bit overboard on the race part.
Overall, I'd say you got the basics covered, but stuff like the story and the way you tell it needs improvement, imo.
 

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Well, it is an improvement from your last work, at least in my opinion, but I think you used too many clichés, at least in the bullying part, and went a bit overboard on the race part.
Overall, I'd say you got the basics covered, but stuff like the story and the way you tell it needs improvement, imo.
Its because you need to learn about how he was in highschool, I should of explained that somehow :/ he's basically what austin was in 98... everyone's out to get him and it was really cliche :p But if I was gonna put how people actually do get bullied in my are that would be bad... a lot of racist shit around here :/
 

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Its because you need to learn about how he was in highschool, I should of explained that somehow :/ he's basically what austin was in 98... everyone's out to get him and it was really cliche :p But if I was gonna put how people actually do get bullied in my are that would be bad... a lot of racist shit around here :/
Weird, I never really thought of UK as a racist place but then again I've never lived there =(
 

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Yeh some places in England especially where there are large Indian or African-American populations all in the same town/area then white people actually get racially abused quite a lot.

And also vice-versa with some white populations racially abusing anyone remotely different.

Racism is a 2-way street, and happens everywhere.

RP was an improvement Owen, getting better =)
 
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