[seancarleton77]

I am making my first "appearance" on stage as a stand up Comedian, well sort of. I'm actually performing stand up for a crowd in Pensacola, Florida live from Belleville, (dramatic pause)Ontario, Canada via telephone. I have a lot of material, and I've used it on friends and family and people who workout at my gym, I've just yet to perform in front of a crowd of strangers.

Anyone have any advice, criticisms or scare tactics they can give me?

 

[SHIRLEY]

Is this some kind of joke?

 

[Rawlin]

that sounds like the dumbest thing i've ever heard, tbh. good luck on your phone date?

 

[seancarleton77]

Is this some kind of joke?

It's more like a series of jokes, and a couple of observations.

The original venue in my city is closed down, and this sounded like a good challenge, it's probably going to be pretty difficult to read the audience. I still stand by my material and say it smokes most "popular" comedians writing out of the water.

Thank you for the feedback guys, it actually brings a smile to my face.

 

[geraldinhio]

It's more like a series of jokes, and a couple of observations.

The original venue in my city is closed down, and this sounded like a good challenge, it's probably going to be pretty difficult to read the audience. I still stand by my material and say it smokes most "popular" comedians writing out of the water.

Over the phone is what makes it most sound like a joke.

Share some of your material and we'll give feedback

 

[seancarleton77]

Okay this is my most traditional joke:

What did the nose say to the handkerchief?

BLOW ME!

I like when people answer the joke before I get the chance, it works better that way.

I've always wanted to be a stereotypical white comedian, but in the end I settled with stereotypical (accent) CHICANO Comedian, Holmes!

I often wonder if there are outside jokes that everyone gets... except for the person telling them?

I'm completely against child labour... children make terrible clothes.

When cannibals die do they prefer to be cannibalized, or are they just hypocrites.

Say you run into Noam Chomsky at a highway rest stop and he gives you $30 dollars for a hand job, does that qualify as a stroke of genius?

If the History Channel has taught us one thing it's that Hitler was way more popular than Stalin.

 

[SHIRLEY]

I was joking when I said it was a joke btw.

 

[stevefox1200]

Okay this is my most traditional joke:

What did the nose say to the handkerchief?

BLOW ME!

I like when people answer the joke before I get the chance, it works better that way.

I've always wanted to be a stereotypical white comedian, but in the end I settled with stereotypical (accent) CHICANO Comedian, Holmes!

I often wonder if there are outside jokes that everyone gets, except for the person telling them?

BOOOOOOOOO

YOU SUCK!!!!!

(throws drink at phone)

 

[seancarleton77]

BOOOOOOOOO

YOU SUCK!!!!!

(throws drink at phone)

As long as it's not my phone.

I think I should call my act "Hit, Miss, What the fuck!?" no?

Someone else is supposed to shout "Blow Me" and I say not "Thank you, not tonight, sir."

How about this one....

Have you ever noticed how fisting is always funny... until it's happening to you!

I burned the corner store to the ground... they were all out of Chinese finger cuffs.

I like this feedback keep it coming.

 

[stevefox1200]

As long as it's not my phone.

I think I should call my act "Hit, Miss, What the fuck!?" no?

Someone else is supposed to shout "Blow Me" and I say not "Thank you, not tonight, sir."

How about this one....

Have you ever noticed how fisting is always funny... until it's happening to you!

I burned the corner store to the ground... they were all out of Chinese finger cuffs.

I like this feedback keep it coming.

BOOOOOOOOOO

YOU STILL SUCK AND I DIDN'T GET ANY OF THOSE!!

(starts rioting)

 

[MrMister]

Say you run into Noam Chomsky at a highway rest stop and he gives you $30 dollars for a hand job, does that qualify as a stroke of genius?

This made me chuckle. None of the others did.

The telephone thing from Ontario to Florida is a bit a bizarre.

 

[geraldinhio]

I liked your jokes ,it's more of a thing you'd say to some one on a bar to get a few chuckles.

How about startings things off with a yo momma joke,nothing breaks the ice like it ,i'll give ya one.

Your momma is so fat she downloaded cheats for wii fit .

 

[seancarleton77]

This made me chuckle. None of the others did.

The telephone thing from Ontario to Florida is a bit a bizarre.

The odds of this working are only slightly better than the odds of dick jokes going over well with a nun. That's why I'm drinking a little rum, I hope the rum relaxes me a bit if I start to bomb.

If this career in stand up doesn't quite go the way I had envisioned I think I'll have to go with my second career choice... professional hobo.

I hope to be like no one else, and just win people over due to my strangeness and subtlety and drive.

If you look at half of Mitch Hedberg's jokes on the surface they didn't make much sense either, but he was actually pretty clever and he even got over with a mainstream crowd. I'll get there, I've only been at this consciously since November, been writing down lines and making people laugh for a lot longer though.

 

[MrMister]

Well I'm sure some of these need to be heard rather than read.

EDIT: Oh and I got the subtle reference to Bill Hicks in that Chomsky joke. At least I think that's part of what you were doin there.

 

[TheLoneShark]

Okay this is my most traditional joke:

What did the nose say to the handkerchief?

BLOW ME!

I like when people answer the joke before I get the chance, it works better that way.

I've always wanted to be a stereotypical white comedian, but in the end I settled with stereotypical (accent) CHICANO Comedian, Holmes!

I often wonder if there are outside jokes that everyone gets... except for the person telling them?

I'm completely against child labour... children make terrible clothes.

When cannibals die do they prefer to be cannibalized, or are they just hypocrites.

Say you run into Noam Chomsky at a highway rest stop and he gives you $30 dollars for a hand job, does that qualify as a stroke of genius?

If the History Channel has taught us one thing it's that Hitler was way more popular than Stalin.

The Chomsky joke made my smile slightly. You need to name drop a better genius in there, and he needs to be giving you the hand job. Oh, and tell it like it actually happened:

"I ran into Stephen Hawking the other day - he gives great hand jobs. Some would call it a stroke of genius. I enjoyed it so much that I fucked him in the bathroom afterwards. He couldn't walk strai-- oh..."

The rest are fucking awful, btw.

Then again, I do stand-up professionally on the weekends, so take my advice with a pinch of salt.

 

[Rawlin]

if that really is your material, it doesn't smoke "popular" comedians at all. i mean, it's not bad i guess, but none of it really made me crack a smile. i enjoyed the child labour one though.

oh, and i do stand-up professionally on days that end with y, so take my opinion with a pinch of your ass.

 

[seancarleton77]

I did alright ( show was really late so I was all nerves waiting). It was a short set but I accomplished what I set out to do. Someone can close this thread now if they wish to do so. I'll get much better.

 

[Ph3n0m]

If there is no other saving grace here, it's that you can always use the classic "Ah shit I'm losing my sig- BEEEEEEEEEEEP" if your stuff is bombing.

 

[Enigma]

Chomsky isn't a genius.

 

[seancarleton77]

Chomsky isn't a genius.

I'm assuming most people wouldn't notice if he wasn't, it's how absurd the line is that makes it.

Professor Chomsky is one of the great minds in the world today.