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Premier Wrestling Circuit (PWC)
... Presents ...



Arena: Save Mart Center
Capacity: 12,000
Location: Fresno, California

Singles Bout:
Darius Black vs. Joey Holt

Singles Bout:
Sam Dancer vs. Kyle Elric

Singles Bout:
Alex Bowen vs. Lynch

Singles Bout:
Austin Angel vs. Bubba

Also on the show, Freddie Vos and Xander Black contract signing! Don't miss it!

***

Deadline for RP's is 11:59pm on September 10. I'm not sure what timezone I'm in so you will be given a 24 hour warning before the deadline so don't worry.

This thread will be used for posting your RP's, if you want to feedback on someone's RP then go ahead, post the feedback in here. Once the show is posted, you can feedback on that, if you like. Everything else can be posted in the discussion thread.

GFX Credit: CHAMPviaDQ
Also, let's try something different. Use the match card as a predictions template and post your predictions here. ONLY PREDICTIONS. You can post your predictions without even seeing the RPs posted so yeah, it'll just be a guessing game. Don't post anything else but your predictions and your RP's in here, and ofcourse the show will be posted on here as well. The winner/winners will get hmm...the joy of winning a predictions contest? Or if they really want something, you can PM me or one of the guys in creative and we can offer some direction for your character. Although, you guys can do this already, we're just waiting for you guys to PM us, lol. ONLY PREDICTIONS AND RP'S GO IN THIS THREAD. NOTHING ELSE.
 

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Singles Bout:
Darius Black vs. Joey Holt

Rematch from last week. Joey Holt will likely bring more intensity and put up a better effort but Darius looks to be on a roll right now. Very motivated and in form, so I think TFW edges out Brye here.

Singles Bout:
Sam Dancer vs. Kyle Elric

Face vs Face. Gonna vote for myself here, although I haven't really figured out what I wanna write yet. Gonna be tough playing off a face opponent but will do my best. Should be good.

Singles Bout:
Alex Bowen vs. Lynch

Both newbies, so don't have much of an idea. Alex Bowen seems to have some experience from other e-feds, so just picking him. Toss up really.

Singles Bout:
Austin Angel vs. Bubba

Gotta say, Bubba's got a big task ahead of him, debuting against AA. Will he be the next Shield or the next Curtis Axel? :lmao Gonna go with the more experienced AA here.


Btw, there was another entry called Jay Rush, he ain't booked?

Danny Boy, Islami, Trae Walker and Daiko seem to have the week off. Daiko's gonna be involved in me vs Dancer somehow. Not sure about the rest. Expecting some backstage segments and promos.

Contract signing between the top two players should be good.
 

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PREDICTIONS:

Singles Bout:
Darius Black vs. Joey Holt

Singles Bout:
Sam Dancer vs. Kyle Elric

Singles Bout:
Alex Bowen vs. Lynch

Singles Bout:
Austin Angel vs. Bubba


I've got the disadvantage of using a completely new character, as I know Phatso from another site where he uses Bowen.

Still, I'm looking forward to RPing for this match.

Good luck to all.
 

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You guys all been in another fed with each other? Anyways best of luck, looking forward to the new debuts :)
 

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Bring back Gary Oak!
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Singles Bout:
Darius Black vs. Joey Holt

Black has this.

Singles Bout:
Sam Dancer vs. Kyle Elric

Quoth's the better RPer here, so it should be a fairly simple win.

Singles Bout:
Alex Bowen vs. Lynch

Can't judge as I haven't seen any of their work.

Singles Bout:
Austin Angel vs. Bubba

Haven't seen anything of 'Bubba' so I have to vote Angel here.
 

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Quoth the Raven said:
You guys all been in another fed with each other? Anyways best of luck, looking forward to the new debuts.
Dammit, Raven! Didn't you read the OP? ;)

Jamjam22 said:
Use the match
card as a predictions template and post your
predictions here. ONLY PREDICTIONS.
Jamjam22 said:
ONLY PREDICTIONS AND RP'S GO IN THIS THREAD. NOTHING ELSE.
He even bolded it...
No, we haven't all been in a fed, but I know Uncle P, Fallout, Jam, Nightmare, Ryder and Prophet from that fed. Since I'm in the thread now, I might as well make my predictions (which I don't like to do) to avoid looking hypocritical.

Darius Black vs. Joey Holt
Brye is going to outdo himself and produce his best RP ever.

Sam Dancer vs. Kyle Elric
I was a prick to you, so I'm giving you the win.

Alex Bowen vs. Lynch
Don't know a thing about Lynch, but Bowen's pretty great.

Austin Angel vs. Bubba
I loooove Bubba's gimmick, but I have to give AA the opposite of the benefit of the doubt.

You can bet your sweet asses that Danny Boy is going to piss on that contract signing parade.
 

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Exploring Planet Alpha
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Singles Bout:
Darius Black vs. Joey Holt

He likes Austin Angel's singing and that makes him epic. Plus Brye is gonna pull out something great, I can feel it.

Singles Bout:
Sam Dancer vs. Kyle Elric

I enjoyed his RP last week, shot in the dark says he does it again.

Singles Bout:
Alex Bowen vs. Lynch

I've seen both guys work before and this could end up being a great matchup with 2 great RP's honestly. But Bowen has been at it MUCH longer so I gotta go with him here.

Singles Bout:
Austin Angel vs. Bubba

Can't bet against myself can I? Plus if that mother fucker Darius Black tries to get involved i'll Austin Kick him into the heavens. :cool2
 

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More predictions :D

1. Daiko makes an interference during or post Dancer's match. Either lays both of us out with a steel chair or puts Dancer through a table. Maybe cuts a promo.

2. Justin Cooper finally debuts. Enters into a feud with someone- maybe Joey Holt or Trae Walker.

3. Darius Black beats on AA some more.

4. Daniel Reese interferes in the contract signing. Vos was quite brutal to him on last Vortex, so I see them entering a feud after the ppv- gotta wait and see if it's for the title.

5. Backstage segments with Ernie Clement. Matches starting to be announced for the ppv for the card to take shape. Some focus on who the contenders may be for the new belts.
 

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All good things must come to an end.
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Five Years Ago



Darius is sat in a padded room, rocking back and forth, taking to himself.

DARIUS: That was only the start of it. I'd tell you more about what went on, but it's not like anyone is listening to me babbling on. I wish someone was. I've not had a real conversation in years. The guards are just as insane as the patients. Things just got progressively worse with the gang, it should be them stuck in here, not me. I'm not even insane, I'm mentally stable. Most of these idiots can't even talk properly without screaming or trying to start a scrap with the nearest guard.

Darius begins to pace around the room whilst talking.

DARIUS: I just look at all these pathetic lowlife trash and just wonder what the fuck I'm doing in here. Do I look insane to you? Do I sound insane? No, exactly. I'm nothing like these idiots. That's something the guards and the idiots that brought me here don't realize. I'm nothing like them and I never will be like them. I'm not going to lie, this place is starting to making me hate everyone and everything but there is still one person I care about and that's myself. I will never let it get to the point where I start being pathetic like them. I'm just a normal guy. A normal guy that was in the wrong place at the wrong time and now I'm paying for it. Something I didn't even fucking do. Never call anyone your Friend and NEVER, I mean NEVER call someone your Best Friend. That's just a load of shit, there will always be someone they value higher than you. Just forget them and don't let them set you up, like they set me up.

Darius begins laughing hysterically at nothing.

DARIUS: Look at these ridiculous padded walls. Like I'm going to bother trying to do any harm to myself, what's the point? That will likely just mean you stay in longer as you're not deemed mentally stable. I want to be out here as fast as possible. That's the difference between me and those imbeciles. I want to get out, they have no idea who they are or why they are here. I do and I want to avenge that.

......................................

Present

Darius is sat in his apartment, recalling this memory. He's sat next to a recorder and is recording this story.

DARIUS: Things just got progressively worse from there, but I don't really want to talk about it now. Maybe another time. That place changed me but maybe it was a blessing in disguise. I was too naive, that place made me cold and ruthless. I don't care for anyone anymore and I don't care how much I hurt them or cause them pain. I don't care about anything anymore. The only word I care about is 'Success' and I'll get that success on my own path.

Darius stops the recording and stands up and looks out the rainy window at the city streets below watching the people and the cars go by.

 

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First my predictions.

Darius Black over Joey Holt. That boy's really, REALLY weird. And really fun to watch. I'm seeing some good things come out of this match.

Kyle Elric I think is just the better RP'r so I'm going for him.

Lynch over Alex Bowen, just to shake things up. I'm expecting an upset.

Bubba over Austin Angel. I'm going to make all your minds change after this episode.
 

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One time Author’s Note. (Please note that this whole RP is taken from the perspective of this guy’s camera.)


It’s a starlit night in an open field with a dirt road put in. The camera shakes a few times due to being propped up in a car on a bumpy road. “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” is playing on the radio. The song is abruptly halted when a hand moves over the radio and turns it off.


“Ha, ha. Such a great song” proclaims the unseen owner of the hand. A throat being cleared is heard.


“Hello, My name is Damien Putz. I am an intern at the Premier Wrestling Circuit and I’ve been assigned the momentous task of interviewing our newest recruit, who goes by the name of “Bubba”." The hand reaches for a McDonald’s Cup, and Damien slurps up the rest of it.


“The company was desperate for some footage of him, as he’s a man with no recorded footage of his infamous “Bar Room Brawls”. So I decided to step up and make a this video documentary about my encounters with him at his local bar called “The Watering Hole”. " The rest is nothing but a murmur, but something about a promotion and “a cute blonde technician named “Amy”” is overheard.


At the end of the road, turn left” says the GPS. The driver does so. “In 2.3 miles, turn….. " The car stops, Damien curses as he pick ups the GPS and examines it. “Great! " says Damien, “No signal! Now how am I supposed to find this god forsaken place!”.


Some deep breaths are heard, “Okay, keep calm Damien”, he says to himself, “Last you checked, you were almost there. Just keep your cool, keep driving, and you’ll eventually find your way there. " The car starts again and begins to go moving down the road.


“It’s currently 10:48 PM, I’m somewhere in Tennessee, I’m off to meet our client, “Bubba” at his place of business."


The car comes to a halt when it comes up to a stop sign. A deer is seen darting by the car, and in the distance you can see a small light and some cars. “Ah, there’s my destination, see? Nothing to fear.” declares a confident Damien.


BLAM!

A shot rings in the night! Damien shrieks and ducks down as the camera falls into the backseat, in the back seating window stands a giant red-bearded man in a hunting jacket and stained white shirt. He’s carrying a shotgun.


“Hey!” says the literal “Redneck”, “Ain’t you from that big wrasslin companin? Your car brakes ain’t loud nuff to be from round here!”. It’s not yet clear whether he sounds like because the rolled up windows are muffling his speech, or if that’s his southern dialect.


“Oh. Thank god! " says a really REALLY relieved Damien. “Hey, you comin a little early to my bar, hows about I get a ride with you and we begin that indiviewin?”. (In post viewing, Damien is probably sure Bubba was trying to say “Interviewing”.)


“Oh, um...sure." says Damien, the passenger side door is heard opening and someone getting in the seat next to Damien. Bubba’s shotgun is placed next to the camera. Damien says “Oh dear” and begins to pick up the camera and inspect it for damages. “Did I do that? " asks Bubba. “Sorry bout that, can I help?” as the camera is ripped from Damien hands, and begins shaking. “NO NO NO!" yells Damien “Get your hands off that! I can handle this!” He eventually settles the camera back into it’s proper position. The camera can now clearly see Bubba is in the passenger seat, and that the aforementioned stop sign now has a bullet hole in it that went straight through the “O”.


“Hope I didn’t break your fancy camera” says Bubba who can’t help but look into it during the drive. “Looks spensive, like I’d haf to sell a zillion of my finest whiskeys to be able a camera as nice as yous."



“The camera’s fine." says Damien, who comes up to “The Watering Hole”, he drives around the parking lot and finds a space next to what looks like an abandoned pizza truck. The two open their car doors. As Bubba gets out, Damien turns around and picks up the camera. He leaves the car and shuts the doors. He walks over to Bubba who’s inspecting his clothes.


“Shoot! " says Bubba. “Left ma gun in the car”. He walks over to the backseat doors, but can’t open them. “Oh, here you go. " says Damien who tosses him his key ring. “The key is the one with the company logo on it.” Bubba simply looks at the keys and tosses them back to Damien.


“I don’t need no keys” says Bubba, as he begins to continue playing with the car door. “Well what you’re doing isn’t going to work”, declares Damien who bends over to pick up his keys.

RIPPP!


Damien quickly looks up and sees that Bubba has literally ripped the car door off its hinges. “MY CAR! " yells Damien. “Oh quit your whinin. I’ll get this over to Big Al’s tomorrow mornin and he’ll fix this up good as new. " Bubba tosses the car door aside and walks toward the bar. Seeing there’s nothing he can do, Damien follows.


“So Bubba, tell us about yourself” says Damien. “Well Ima pretty simple guy” proclaims Bubba. “I was born in my daddy’s pick up truck, I was raised in a barn, and I’m running the family business. This here bar’s been here forty years! Come on, I’ll get ya a drink! You haven’t lived till you’ve met Sara!”



Bubba opens the door to the bar, the room is currently full of hicks drinking beers and whiskey. Some of them look at the camera guy really funny, as if he’s not of this world. One guy thinks the camera is a tiny mirror and checks his teeth in it.


“I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I TOLD YALL THEY WERE REAL! BUBBA AND THAT PIZZA FACED BOY FOUND ONE OF THEM PROBING MACHINS!" yells one of the rednecks.


"Quit trying to make us believe your alien abduction stories!” says Bubba, “This heres one of them camera boys from that big fancy wrasslin companin I was telling yall about”. The bar fills with drunken cheers. Damien waves his hand at them, Bubba guides Damien to the bar, but stops him and points to the teenage boy who mistook the camera for an alien device. “That there’s Ellis, he believes that he got probed by some Aliens that look like a combination of his Momma and that Taylor Swift gal on that there raydio. We never believed him cours.”


“Anyway” Bubba says. “I want ya to meet the mos importan people in ma life! Momma Bubba and Sista Bubba! " Damien is turned around and is greeted by two women. The first is a woman who’s as big as Bubba, only if you replaced those pounds of muscle, with fat. She also has a gigantic beehive of brown hair rather than a beard of red. The second is a buxom girl who looks significantly younger than the first. She has a long curly red hair and mans the bar. “Sis! Pour me and friend Damien a couple of Saras! " She nods and does so.


“The gal who just got ya drink is Sista Bubba! The purdiest young gal on this side of the rail road! She’s plannin to use the money she earns to save up and go to Beauty School”. The young woman giggles, “Ya know, I got some cream that will clean up them zits! " she says. Bubba brings his mouth close to Damien’s ear and whispers, “You get anywhere close to ha, I’m going to feed you to Doggy Bubba and her 15 hungry puppies. Ya got that?” Damien nods vigorously.


“This here’s Momma Bubba; The greatest Momma a guy could have!” He gives her a gigantic hug. “Aw shoot! You don’t need ta say that! You being the best little boy I could ever have is all that I ever needed!” She pinches his cheek.


Damien sets down the camera on the bar and positions it to focus on Bubba and Momma Bubba. After taking a drink, Damien goes back to interviewing.


“First of all, welcome to the Premier Wrestling Circuit. Now, your match is a few days from now. You’ll be going up against a PWC Vet, The Self Professed “Rock God” Austin Angel. What are your thoughts? Are you going to be utilizing any of your normal “Bar Room Brawl” techniques?"


“Well, before any match I have in this here bar, I always make sure I give my opponents a good ol; nillis. "(Damien is pretty sure that Bubba was trying to say “Analysis”)


“So, what we all got here is a “Rock God”. First thang we gotta note is the idea of him being a “God”, now there are only two gods in my world. One has a son who can make my water turn into whiskey, and the other is named Richard Petty”. The rest of them “Gods” and especially “Rock Gods” are all like Uncle Bubba, “elvestimparsonators” (Damien thinks the only thing that could’ve made sense there is “Elvis Impersonator”.)


“Now that we’ve dabunked his holiness. We know that this guy’s a Rock and Roll boy. Just like Elvis. Right?” asks Bubba. “Um, correct. Austin Angel is a crowd favorite. He’s been a life time fan of Rock and Roll music. Specfically from the 1980s, and he favors taunting to his opponents by mimicking their actions."


Bubba downs his “Sara” in one large gulp then slams it down on the table. “Now listen up y’all. I’m sure Austin Angel is a fine fine boy. I’m sure he’s a better singer than any of my pals on “Karaoke Friday”, but what he keeps forgetting is that he ain’t a wrestler. He’s a rock and roller.”


Bubba stands up, takes off his jacket, and rips off his shirt. Revealing his 90 miniature “Skull and Crossbones” tattoos.


“Each of these skulls represents someone I’ve either killed or beaten down. I’ve been keeping track since I beat down “Yogi and BooBoo.”


Bubba points over the camera, Damien turns it to reveal a flat screen TV, on both sides of it are two stuffed bear heads. Each one is dressed up to look like a real life equivalent of “Yogi Bear and Booboo”. Damien turns the camera back to Bubba.


“Out of my ninety skulls, 12 of them represent the various “Rock Bands” that have come in my bar and were appropriately put down. You ever hear of “Common Effect”, or “Red Alert”? " Damien shakes his head no. “That’s cause before they git famous, they decide to mosey to my bar, get drunk, and make Momma jokes to Momma Bubba.” Bubba proudly declares. “ And unlike ol weird Ellis, Bubba’s telling the truth.” Sista Bubba chimes in, pointing at a framed blood stained Bass Guitar.


Bubba then picks up a spoon and another bottle of whiskey, and climbs up onto a table. Signaling for everyone to pay attention to him.


“I’ve destroyed more rock bands than one of them pop music carp-or-ations! Austin Angel ain’t no different than any of the other “Rock Stars” I’ve beaten! As former World Heavyweight Champion of “Bar Fight Wrasslin”! Me and my Momma are gonna march into PWC! Play that elvestimparsonator like he was a drum kit! Then I’m gonna treat EVERY ROOTIN TOOTIN! CHUGGIN BUGGIN! BORN AND BRED REDNECK TO THE GREATEST HAPPY HOUR OF ALL! "


The bar explodes in drunken cheers from all the attendants. “Bubba! Bubba! Bubba!” Bubba chugs down his bottle, gets down from the table, breaks the glass case holding the blood stained bass guitar. Removes it, and slams the guitar over “Yogi’s Head”. Damien carefully moves over to a slightly quieter corner of the bar, but the cheers are still clear
.


"I think that’s enough footage for one day. This is Damien Putz of the Premier Wrestling Circuit, signing out.”
 

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Roy "Gambit" Mustang
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10,373 Posts
Sam dancer is sat at a bar like usual. He is drinking a pint of Strongbow cider (PRODUCT PLACEMENT). He is sat on a chair and then turns to the camera.

Sam Dancer: Daiko did you get my message? This is not over. Where I come from you cheat a man then you pay the price. Let me tell you a story.

Sam takes another sip of his pint before carrying on with his story.

Sam Dancer: Once in my home town there was this person who was a drug addict. Nicest way to describe them. They were always broke as they would be spending their money trying to get their next fix. Now they were a close friend of mine up to this point and while I disagreed with their choice of lifestyle I was still their friend. I had no ill feelings towards them.

Sam Dancer: One day they asks me to borrow some money and promise to pay me back. So I lend them about £50. Next week when they are due to pay me guess what happens? I ask for my money and he punches me in the face telling me I am a dick and I am not getting my money back. Now if there is one thing you don’t do is screw me over.

Sam dancer: He went for another punch but I blocked it and kicked him in the face. I then punched him repeatedly in the face till he begged me to stop. I then took his wallet and found he had £250 in there. I took the £50 I was owed and walked off. Never saw that guy again.

Sam Dancer: So Daiko if you are wondering what the moral of that story is it is this. If I am owed something I will take it back by force. You robbed me of a rightful victory and last week was payback but I am still owed my victory. So I am calling the biggest diva in the locker room out. You see no one hides and cries like Daiko. And like the little bitch you are you will run and hide till you are forced to step into a ring with me. So keep running and keep hiding because the past is going to catch up with you.

Sam Dancer: Oh and my opponent this week? Wrong place wrong time as I am sending a message to Daiko. I have no problem with you Kyle and I respect you as you are a true warrior. You know how to respect your opponent and the way they fight in the ring.

Sam Dancer: You see unlike Daiko I have respect for others like you have a daughter who looks up to you. I look forward to facing someone who will fight me honourable win or lose. And after we can go for a pint to celebrate. May the best man win.
 

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Exploring Planet Alpha
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348 Posts
September 9th, 2013 11:00 PM
Save Mart Center, Fresno, California

The PWC cameras go inside the trainers room where we see the resident rock god, Austin Angel getting his arm heavily taped up after the brutal assault earlier from Darius Black in the parking lot. The doc finishes and Austin shakes out his arm before sliding a protective sleeve over it.

Doctor: This will help protect your arm from future injuries but I still suggest taking some time off and returning after Alpha & Omega.

Austin shakes his head in disagreement and hops off the table he was sitting on and walks towards the door.

Austin: Can't do that Doc. It's bad enough I have to wear this giant bullseye on my arm but I am not taking any time off. I need to get my revenge on Darius for not only this but what he did to Tommy Hendrix. Trust me when I say that by time I'm done with him, he'll be the one in here not me.

Austin opens the trainers room door and walks out as the doctor shakes his head in disapproval.

Doctor: Don't say I didn't warn you kid.

September 9th, 2013 12:30 AM
The Bourbon Room, Los Angeles, California

The cameras go inside the famous club in Los Angeles as Austin Angel walks in and goes straight to the bar and sits down next to a random guy, who is clearly intoxicated.

Austin: Get me two of whatever this guys drinking. One for me and one for him.

The bartender pours the drinks before placing them in front of the two men. It's now clear to Austin he's been handed a glass of whiskey and he takes a sip as the guy turns to face Austin.

Drunk Guy: Aye thanks for buying my next drink buddy. Cheers!

The drunk guy lifts up his drink as does Austin, but the drunk man misses the toast and ends up spilling half his drink on himself.

Drunk Guy: Aww w-what the ell!

Austin: Nevermind that! We have more important issues to attend to!

Drunk Guy: W-we do? L-Li-Like what?

The drunk guy hiccups as Austin puts his hand up to make him shut up.

Austin: Yes! Didnt you know that I need to find a way to get revenge on Darius Black! But our lovely GM Clement won't give me a match against Darius this week! Instead he's throwing me up against some scrub named Bubba, who from what I understand is a total drunk.

The drunk man slowly nods while he tries to figure out what was just said to him.

Austin: Hey wait a minute...Bubba is a total drunk...you're a drunk...YOU'RE BUBBA! AHA!

Austin leaps out of his bar stool and tackles the man he just bought a drink for and raises his fist, ready to strike but he doesn't yet.

Austin: So Bubba! You thought you could just walk into my favorite club in LA, get me to buy you a drink and tell you my strategy for how to defeat you this week on Vortex huh? Well guess again chump!

Austin fires off two quick left hooks to the jaw of the man who tries to cover up.

Drunk Guy: Bubba? Who's Bubba? My names Tom!

Austin: Likely story! So who told you to come here? Clement? Darius? Micheal Vick? Dr.Phil?

Drunk Guy: I don't know what you're talking about!

Austin pulls the man to his feet and walks him to the door by his collar then throws him out the club door before walking out after him as the guy gets to his feet and begs Austin to leave him alone.

Drunk Guy: Please s-st-stop! I don't know who you or this Bubba guy is! I just wanted to get drunk and listen to music!

Austin: Yeah we'll see about that when you walk down the ramp for our match on Vortex! Oh and tell your momma I said what's up?

Austin then takes a step back, and DRILLS the drunk guy with a nasty Superkick to the jaw to knock him out! Austin stands over the knocked out drunk man and mutters something under his breath until he hears the sound of sirens from police cars so he takes off running, even though he's not sure if they are even coming for him or not. Austin finally stops as he reaches an alley and he looks around before seeing the cops in a car chase with someone so he calms down and thinks about the events from earlier in the night.

Austin: I can't believe Bubba thought he could find out my strategy by drinking at my club! Who does he think he is?

Austin paces in the alley as the cameras stay focused on him.

Austin: Some people may think I'm over looking Bubba but I'm not. I know he's a big guy but the way I see it, the bigger they are, the harder they fall. There's no way this Bubba guy will be able to keep up with my high-flying skills and amazing speed. I will defeat Bubba and if Darius Black decides to come out and get involved in my match, I'll beat his ass too!

Austin now gets in really close to the camera.

Austin: In fact while I think of it, Darius I know were not against each other tonight but let me tell you now that I WILL get my hands on you at some point during Vortex this week. That much I can promise you.

Austin smirks and throws up the rock on symbol as the scene fades out with this being the last image we see.
 

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Exploring Planet Alpha
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348 Posts
Do you think I can have a 24 hour extension? I've got a meal I have to go to tonight and I won't quite be able to finish my RP tonight.
Yeah that's fine. I think you and Bowen are the only ones yet to RP anyway so i'll just extend the deadline for both of you since it's not fair to only give you the extension.
 

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Raevolution is a Mystery
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23,791 Posts
When: November 8th 2010
Where: Osaka Dome, Japan - Shockwave 2010

Joey Holt (23-2) vs Ben Rothwell (13-0)

Joey Holt sits in the back with his gym partner, Forrest Griffin. Holt is coming off the fight where he lost the PRIDE Heavyweight Championship.

Joey Holt: Is the brass here serious?

Forrest Griffin: What do you mean?

Joey Holt: They're putting me in a tune-up fight. Ben Rothwell? The guy hasn't even been here 3 months. Surely they think he'll be able to take me out, man. To think this place has turned it's back on me...

Forrest: What?! No, man. They put you in this because they think it'll be an amazing fight.

Joey Holt: Oh yeah? Well then where's my rematch for the belt? I held it for over two years, that's gotta be worth something. I'm sick of this company treating me like a puppet.

Forrest: You're not a puppet, man. Once you win this fight, they'll give you your rematch.

Joey Holt: I'm not so sure about that. I don't fit the model of what they want as champion. I swear on TV, I don't look like some rockstar. Losing the belt was the best thing the higher-ups here could see. Well you know what? Fuck them. I'm going to force them to put me into my rematch when I go out there and prove that I'm not a tune-up fight.

Holt walks off and starts skipping rope as his fight is coming up next.

15 minutes later

Bas Rutten: We're back with PRIDE Shockwave 2010. I'm here with my broadcasting partner Randy 'The Natural' Couture and Joey Holt seems to have a strong command of this fight.

Randy Couture: Indeed he does, Bas. This is a huge fight for Holt. It's amazing what a loss can do on the psyche, but two losses? I've seen guys never make it back up the mountain after two straight losses. It does a number on you physically but even more so mentally. Holt needs to win this fight to remain in command of the division.

Bas Rutten: Right he does, Randy. All he needs is one liver shot band BAM he's good!

We're in the third round and Joey Holt has been putting a beating down on Ben Rothwell. No doubt that the first two rounds went to him, 10-9. As Holt has Rothwell against the ropes, he goes for an uppercut and misses, getting caught with an overhead right and going down. Rothwell immediately pounces on but Holt manages to fight off the onslaught and get to his feet. After some brief exchanges, Rothwell lands a kick that 'accidentally' hits Holt in the groin. As Holt drops to a knee, the fight is momentarily paused.

Joey Holt: What the fuck?

Referee Mario Yamasaki: What? I didn't seem to see anything.

Joey Holt: He hit me in the goddamn dick.

Mario Yamasaki: Look, I'm going to give you a minute to get up but I'm not deducting a point, I didn't even see it.

Holt gets to one knee and then back to his feet. The fight continues, with Rothwell having some rest. After a couple of strong shots from Rothwell, a left handed uppercut sends Joey Holt down to the mat as his eyes glaze over.

Winner: Ben Rothwell

As Ben Rothwell is celebrating, PRIDE President, Yusuke Urameshi comes out to congratulate the winner of the main event, a PRIDE custom. As Holt lies on the mat, he regains consciousness to see Urameshi smirking at him, while Rothwell celebrates. Moments later, for reasons that he can't seem to recall, Holt is held back by two security guards as he mutters cusses in the direction of the president. Holt was then forced to take a six month suspension from PRIDE.

Bas Rutten: I don't know what Holt was thinking, but you can never lay your hands on the president of this company!

Randy Couture: Did you see him, Bas? He was smirking at Holt. That's not very professional at all and to be honest, I'm ashamed of our president.

Shortly after the fight, as the fans are clearing out, Joey Holt walks to the back of the arena and takes a seat in the locker room. Forrest Griffin is waiting for him.

Forrest Griffin: Tough loss out there man, huh?

Joey Holt: It was bullshit, absolute bullshit. Did you see that low blow? And the look Urameshi gave me?

Forrest Griffin: I don't know, man. I think you might just be paranoid.

Joey Holt: I know what I saw and I know what I felt. Whether or not you believe me is up to you.

Joey Holt brushes past Forrest and limps his way through the door that he slams open.

------------------------------

As the memory fades, we see that we're now in the present day and Joey Holt is sitting at a desk with his head in his hands, recalling that fateful night. At first, this looks to be his apartment, however as we pan out, we see that the room looks like a tornado struck. There is broken glass, a destroyed dresser, a broken bed post, three large holes in the wall and a television flipped upside down that is smoking. Holt is breathing heavily and bleeding from both of his hands. Holt smashes his hand down onto the table in pain as he connects his losing streak from PRIDE to his current losing streak against PWC talent.

Joey Holt: C'mon Joey, get it together. It's (breathing heavily) not the end of the world. You've bounced back from worse, much worse. No excuses...no fucking excuses this time. GODDAMMIT! THIS IS THEIR TOP TALENT AND I'M NOT GETTING ANYWHERE! GET IT FUCKING TOGETHER. YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE. IF YOU FAIL HERE, IT'S ALL OVER. NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING.

As Holt realizes that he's lost his two big shots in a row, he smashes the lamp off of the desk and rips open the door to the room. He walks by a calendar where the current day is circled and marked as 'fight day'. Holt heads off in his car to the Save Mart Center, still filled with anger and disappointment. Holt hits the highway and floors it to the arena, not showing a single expression on his face the entire way.
 

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“Are ya ready for me, Alex Bowen?” Lynch said to himself with a sense of pride. “Because I’m ready for you!”

Lynch then began to chew vigorously on his tobacco and deliver hefty, rapid blows to the punching bag in front of him. Lynch smiled throughout this, enjoying the rush of adrenaline flowing through his veins as he continued to pound the punching bag into submission.

“Ya’d best bring your best, Bowen!” Lynch exclaimed before chuckling to himself and rearing back. “Because ya don’t know who you’re messing with, don’t ya?”

Lynch’s right foot began to tremble at an alarming rate.

“The name’s Lynch. Best goddamn vigilante that’s had the pleasure of walking this Earth. Meanest son of a gun on the block. And you might be the King of Mayhem, but whether we’re in the ring or out it, one thing remains a certainty.”

Lynch then delivered a massive Mustang Hoof to the punching bag, causing it to fly off its hinges as he let out a happy cheer of “I AM THE LAW!”. The bag itself took flight until it crashed against the ribs of Lynch’s horse, Buck, who was peacefully eating out of his trough.

“Oh shit!” Lynch said before hastily running towards Buck in an attempt to calm him down, muttering under his breath “Please don’t get mad, please don’t get mad.”

Buck didn’t get mad.

He was enraged, flipping the horse trough over as he began to stomp the ground in a fury. He then charged at the door of the stable both he and Lynch were in, and with ease he head-butted the door open. Letting out a high-pitch whine and rearing back on his hind legs, Buck began to gallop at an alarming rate towards Doc Mitchell’s crops.

“No! Don’t stamp on the herbs, Buck!” yelled Lynch as he sprinted, trying to keep up with the crazed animal. With a swing of his head, Lynch threw out an incredibly long pony-tail beneath his slanted hat and managed to wrap it around Buck’s tail. Lynch’s pony-tail was his pride and joy, and he often considered it to be a third fist of sorts. He made sure that he showered twice a day to keep his hair clean.

And now he was putting it in grave danger by putting it adjacent to a horse’s asshole. Whilst being dragged at 40 miles per hour, screaming in terror and begging for said horse to stop.

Despite Lynch’s best efforts, this did nothing to stop Buck from galloping over the fence and dragging Lynch through the fence and herbs. But these weren’t just any herbs.

“DAMN IT BUCK, THIS HERE’S THE MARIJUANA!” Lynch bellowed with fright.

Buck suddenly began to feel extremely disorientated. He began to run wildly run in circles, sending Lynch spiralling through the marijuana plants. At this point, the plants themselves began to take effect on Buck, as his eyes turned red and he began to move slower and slower, until he stopped altogether.

“Buck's high” said Lynch, groggy after his rough ride. This was the last thing he said before he succumbed to the effects of the drug.

***​

When Doc Mitchell found Lynch and Buck, he was surprised to see that Lynch had decided to casually ram his head up Buck’s anus. Disgusted, Mitchell pulled Lynch away from the animal and let out a disgruntled glare at Lynch. Lynch was nearly blinded by the sudden burst of sunlight in his eyes as Doc Mitchell tugged him away. Confused and completely stoned, Lynch let out the first thing that came to his mind.

“Doc, youz a sexy beast” he said with a cheesy grin on his face.

“Good grief” snarled Mitchell angrily.

***​

Lynch and Doc Mitchell were both seated in Doc Mitchell's dimly-lit lounge. Lynch was holding a bucket of water in his hands and he was frantically trying to get foul brown stains out of his hair. Doc Mitchell himself was sitting adjacent to Lynch, shaking his head.

“Look, I’ve had it with your horse’s crazy antics” Doc Mitchell sighed. “He’s ruined my PERSONAL marijuana, he’s destroyed my stable door at least half a dozen times, he’s trampled my medical records and he’s eaten all my experimental penis enlarger pills.”

“Well at least ya know they work!” said Lynch before both men stare at Buck, harnessed to the wall with rope, leather and duct tape.

“You’ve gotta take that…that beast with you Lynch, I’m afraid. Before one of us gets seriously hurt” said Doc Mitchell with a sense of remorse in his voice.

“My hair’s pretty hurt, but that’s another story” Lynch said, continue to scrub the brown stains out of his pony-tail.

“That’s a low priority at the minute” Doc Mitchell said quietly, before a sincere tone came into his voice “Your main priority is to actually get to the match with Alex Bowen tonight. I don’t care if you win or lose, just go out there and perform. For the fans”

“I’m out there to have fun. A good fight always gives me a thrill!” said Lynch happily. "And of course, the fans deserve to be entertained, and by god, I'm going to make sure they are!"

"Just don't risk your health. I don't want a repeat of that day, you know that?"

Doc Mitchell then looked at Lynch carefully. Was he ready? He knew Lynch wasn't the sort to underestimate opponents, but he still didn't seem to be taking this fight seriously enough. Knowing Alex Bowen from research, he knew he could potentially cause a lot of harm to Lynch.

Doc Mitchell sighed again before he saw a glimpse of the brass knuckles in Lynch's duster.

"Now Lynch, this might be a fight, but this ain't no hardcore free for all. That means no brass knuckles." Doc Mitchell stated firmly.

"Aww man!" groaned Lynch. "I was hoping me and Bowen were going to have a hardcore brawl! I dig that stuff Doc, you know I do!"

"The last time you got into a hardcore brawl, you almost lost your life." Doc Mitchell declared gravely. "Anyway let's look at the time."

Doc Mitchell glanced at the clock briefly.

"Crap! You're 5 minutes late! We've gotta get Buck off the wall now!" he yelled in a panic.

"My hair ain't even ready yet!" moaned Lynch.

"Oh stop crying, and help me get this tape off!" roared Doc Mitchell, ripping the tape off the frantic horse.

Lynch then sprung out of his chair and in one single leap, he landed onto the saddle of Buck hard. Buck was furious, screeching loudly and attempting to flip Lynch off its back, but Lynch's grip was too strong and Buck eventually settled.

Doc Mitchell cautiously approached Buck, who gave Mitchell a dirty glare before speaking with Lynch.

"Look...are you sure you want to do this?"

"Positive, Doc!"

"It's just..." Doc Mitchell sighed for the third time "I'm concerned about your health, especially after that...event earlier. You and the horse, you're welcome to stay here. I was too harsh."

"Doc, don't worry." said Lynch reassuringly "I'll be fine, trust me."

Both men exchanged a stare before Doc Mitchell finally relented and nodded his head.

"OK then" The doctor said, before loosening the ropes on Buck. "Go get 'em!"

Buck immediately threw himself out of the lounge and sprung away from the house. With a "YEE-HAW!" from Lynch, the horse set off into the distance as Lynch casually lit a stick of dynamite and threw it into an air to give a firework-like effect.

***​

Two minutes later, Doc Mitchell's car pulled up in front of Buck and he gestured an open hand to Lynch.

"I wasn't even going to use them in my fight Doc!" complained Lynch.

"Just give them" said Doc Mitchell, clearly frustrated.

Reluctantly, Lynch handed over the dynamite and continued on his journey to the PWC arena.
 

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Sorry got delayed due to work, I hope it's not too late.


(Streets of New York, 5 years ago)

The neighborhood was deserted- dilapidated buildings and abandoned warehouses being the only occupants in a once bustling world. The walls were covered with heavy graffiti and filth covered the streets. Most of the streetlights had been stolen by local gangs. Under the flickering light of one of the few remaining streetlights, the camera zooms in to reveal a young guy smoking a joint and pacing impatiently. As we go closer, we see it’s a 19 year old Kyle Elric.

Kyle: Fucking bitch!! Making me wait this long this late.

Hearing footsteps, Kyle looks ahead and sees the person he’s been waiting for. It’s the girl he’s been with since the last three years- Jade.

Jade: (panting heavily) Kyle!! Oh Kyle I’m so glad you’re here. Let’s not do this tonight baby, I’m too scared!

Kyle stares at her coldly for a second, before taking a deep puff and blowing the smoke on her face.

Kyle: You stupid or what? I begged for this fight. That bastard’s been in the way of my business. Told him to stop but he wouldn’t listen. Now you want me not to fuck him up so the whole gang can laugh at me?

Jade: (holding back tears) Kyle!! You don’t know these guys! They are dangerous. The things I’ve heard about them! Carter didn’t send any backup, you’ll be all alone!

Kyle takes another long look at her, before erupting in laughter.

Kyle: Yeah why don’t you run along now and leave this stuff to someone who can handle it? Last thing I need in a fight is a distraction because of you screaming too loud. (chuckles to himself) I only like that stuff when you do it in the bedroom.

(Turns Jade around and nudges her on)

Go on!

Jade: Kyle! That’s…(looks down to her feet nervously)…..that’s not the only thing I wanted to tell you. (looks at Kyle, who now looks frustrated beyond limit) I-I’m pregnant. I need you to help, my parents will throw me out if they find out.

She starts sobbing heavily and looks at Kyle for some reassurance. Finding only apathy, she continues.

Jade: And- and my brother!! Kyle, he’ll kill you, please, please just run away. We could go to Jersey. Or even further!

Kyle: You’re pregnant? How is this possible? We took precautions. Jesus Jade, I always expect you to piss me off to some degree, but you always exceed it don’t you?


(Jade is sobbing heavily now, which only angers him further)

Don’t you? Look at me!! How did this happen?

Jade: I dunno Kyle, I-I know we didn’t want this, but what do you want me to do now?

Kyle’s eyes take in her shivering form from head to toe. What he sees reminds him of how pathetic he finds these clingy, weak, pathetic losers.

Kyle: Well it can’t be mine so take it to whoever put it in you. We’re done here.

Jade shakes her head in disbelief, trying to grab Kyle’s arms, trying to make him stop. She only angers him further, who snatches her hands in his and looks at her, eyes seething with red hot fury- a fury that always scared her.

Kyle: Listen to me. Listen. Very. Close.

I have serious shit to deal with already ok? There are punks that need dealing with. You can’t spring stuff like this on me now. Go home, we’ll talk later. I’ll call you.

Jade: (in almost a whisper) No you won’t.

Kyle: I will. Here, take this.


(passes the joint to Jade and turns around)

Oh and thanks for wishing me luck in the fight. Oh you didn’t! Too busy being pregnant and shit.

Leaving Jade alone in the ominous neighborhood, Kyle walks away.


(Present Day, PWC Locker room)

We see an Elantra arriving in the parking lot. Kyle Elric steps out of it and slings his bag on his shoulder. Before he can move further, Danny and crew approach him from behind.

Danny: Excuse me, Mr Elric! Can we ask some questions please?

Kyle simply nods and motions for them to keep walking with him as they do the interview.

Danny: Mr Elric, fans of PWC last week saw the debut of The Gaijin and you have created quite a buzz. How do you feel about it?

Kyle: You know what’s a hanami Danny san?

Danny: (looking with a confused expression towards his crew members) Err, I’m not sure I follow.


Kyle: (stopping and turning around) You’ve seen the sakura that blooms on the cherry blossom tree? Very beautiful. They have this tradition to feast under the tree when the sakuras are in full bloom. They have food, sip sencha

(Pauses looking at the bewildered faces of the entire PWC crew)

Sencha- green tea? No? Okay then.

(Another brief pause)

Thing is Danny san, the sakura doesn’t last long. It’s all very impermanent. Two weeks of beauty and it withers away and only the tree is left standing.

Danny: Well, that’s interesting to hear, I guess.

Kyle: See Danny san, this buzz, this fame, this is just like the sakura. Today everyone’s talking about me, discussing me, digging up more stuff about me- that’s a hanami. Give it two weeks and it will pass.


(Motions Danny closer and puts his hand on his shoulder)

What remains though, is the tree, is it not?

Danny nods, still unclear where all this is going.



Kyle: I’m not here for the bright lights and money. I’m not here for the flash Danny san. Once all of that is stripped away from you, what remains is your essence- your belief, your principles. I’m the tree that may not bloom all year, but my roots will always be firm. Unshakeable.

(Motions Danny and the crew to start moving alongside him again)


Kyle: You know, when I was younger- I was a massive ball of fury. I was a volcano ready to erupt. I was a hurricane, ripping everything in it’s path.

(Looks at the camera once before resuming)

Those things pass though. Like a comet, they shine brightly before vanishing. Too beautiful, too short lived.


(Reaching his locker room, he goes inside and keeps his bag on the floor. He seems to be wondering something before resuming)

See, I’m no longer the merciless ocean waves, but the rock that withstands it. I’m no longer the fierce storm but the tree that keeps standing tall. Not the burning comet but the pole star that stays fixed and true to it’s nature.

Danny nods his head, finally beginning to understand what Elric wants to say.

Kyle: This buzz, Danny san- it will fade. People will find others to cheer for. What will remain the same though- is my spirit. My honor. My bushido.

(Danny takes note of the fierce pride Kyle exhibits while talking about these things)


Sam Dancer, you are like I once was. You live for the moment, you are reckless- rushing headlong at Daiko, unaware of everything else.

A true warrior never overlooks or underestimates his opponent Dancer san. The past week, I have studied you, analyzed you, focused on you. I have seen you for the man you are Dancer san and you are a man of honor, but I’m afraid you committed a folly. You looked past me to see what’s ahead.


Dancer san, remember this- a true warrior isn’t one who tries reaching a destination on the path you choose. A true warrior simply is one who stays the way.

I (pointing towards himself) am staying the way and YOU (pointing at the camera) – you just want to reach the destination as quick as you can. As much as I respect your abilities in that ring, I have to and I will triumph to prove my sensei right. Because I’m not here to be the blooming sakura that charms everyone.


(Kyle sits down Indian style and closes his eyes before speaking the next line)

I’m here to be the deep rooted tree that lasts forever. For my daughter.

(He nods at Danny saying the interview is over)

Danny: Well there you have it ladies and gentlemen. Kyle “The Gaijin” Elric. Watch him take on Sam Dancer later tonight, right here on PWC Vortex.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Here's my feedback for everyone who submitted an RP. Bowen wasn't included because he no-showed and well, he has asked to take a hiatus from us and that's fine. But anyway, here's the feedback. Try not to reply back here. Instead, reply back at the DISCUSSION BOARD. Please and thank you.

Darius Black/The Fourth Wall
For some reason, I just couldn’t get into this RP. The dialogue was decent but the lack of description here prevented this from being a really good RP. If you had described your surroundings more and the mannerisms of Darius, I think this may have been the best RP you ever wrote. But the lack of detail here just didn’t work for me. Not a fan of using pictures in RPs as well, I’d rather you write it out and let the readers use their imagination to see what you want them to see.

I think that this idea can be used again. What I mean by that is that what you have here is an RP being done by Darius while he’s in his cell in the mental institution. I think it would’ve been best to maybe have saved this and maybe use this RP idea for the PPV because I think it would’ve been really good. But since you used it here, I think it should be a while before we see this happen again. I hope this is just step one in the transformation of Darius Black. He seemed pretty chill here, almost too chill. It sort of reached the RVD-level of chill. You’re a mental patient, act like it. But I’m sure in the next RP, you’ll come up with something better.

Bubba/Ben Moran
I’m not sure how you got Damien Putz as an interviewer because we don’t acknowledge him. If there was ever a person you could’ve used here, it’s Danny Eriksen, who is PWC’s backstage interviewer. But anyways, like I’ve said, I’m not a fan of using pictures in RPs so I’d avoid that. Write it out, paint us the picture you want us to see. I like the way the RP if formatted though, it’s not the script-like style that we’re used to seeing, it’s formatted in a way that a real book is formatted.

Another thing I’d critique you on is the color of Bubba’s sister’s dialogue. As much as possible, try and use colors that are easy to see so it makes it easy to read. Simple as that.

Also, when writing Bubba, I think you gotta stick to one way of writing. What I mean by that is if you write him in the southern accent, keep writing him in the southern accent during the entire RP. There were a few instances where Bubba spoke with a normal accent. So yeah, be consistent on that.

I’m not sure about the skull tattoos. When you say it signifies the number of people you’ve killed or beaten, I’m not sure how I feel about that. I think you may have to explain that more in your upcoming RPs. Maybe instead of people you meant that the skulls signify the number of bears you’ve taken down? Because if you meant people, I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Other than that, I think I’m really gonna like this Bubba character. There was some comedy in this RP which I really liked. Bubba looks like someone the fans will enjoy cheering and that’s important to build up in your character. The characters you have that surround Bubba such as his mother, sister, and Ellis, I’m already a fan of. This is a really good gimmick for you and I hope we see you really develop Bubba. For a first RP, I like this one, you may even beat Angel.

Sam Dancer/Gambit
I’ll be blunt and say that I didn’t like this RP at all. It may have been an RP done just to submit something or due to time constraints, which I understand, but judging this, I did not like this RP at all. There was again a lack of description which really helps out an RP. For everyone reading this right now, description is a very big part of an RP. It really gives the readers a picture that we can see. Not only that but description also helps develop your character which is what everyone should be doing in their RPs. So yeah, the lack of description here disappoints me.

The dialogue wasn’t that great either. I’m not being mean, I’m just giving my thoughts on this one. I think you wanted to show that Dancer isn’t a guy to mess with because he always gets the last word. I think that’s what you were trying to convey Dancer as. But for me, you didn’t make him look tough at all. The story you told is that basically Dancer gave a junkie some money to get their next fix, despite saying that they were friends. I don’t think you’d help them do what’s wrong if you were his friend. But anyway, you basically said that the junkie asked for money and when it was time to pay back, the junkie didn’t pay. Instead, Dancer got angry and beat up a junkie aka his friend so I’m not really sure you conveyed what you were trying to convey too well.

Also, this RP was pretty much aimed towards Daiko which is fine. But you gotta remember to RP about your opponent for this week as well. We got maybe 5-7 sentences about your opponent and that simply won’t do. It also seemed kind of sudden because Dancer was probably all riled up after addressing Daiko then he suddenly becomes calm talking about Elric? Just seems kind of sudden to me.

Overall, I think you could’ve gone a different route here to convey that Dancer is a tough guy. Because with the story you told us, it didn’t make Dancer look tough at all in my opinion. I hope this helps you because that’s all I’m trying to do. I don’t want you to take this as me bashing you because it’s not my intention to do that. I know you can do better man.

Austin Angel/HollywoodNightmare
The first part of the RP was pretty interesting and I think you could’ve exposed that more in the second part of your RP. Because the way I read it, it looked like the guy didn’t notice the protective sleeve. Now if you meant for the drunk guy not to notice because well…he’s drunk then I understand but I really think that if he asked about it, like ask about it constantly, that could rile up Angel a little and warrant Angel to have a tussle with the guy. It sort of seems like Angel attacked an innocent guy which I’m not sure if what faces should be doing.

I guess you were trying to be a little comical with Angel running away from the scene after hearing police sirens which was okay but ehh, it just fell flat for me. I do like that you didn’t just talk about Bubba here though and managed to add in some stuff about Darius since you guys are feuding.

Overall, I think this RP was decent but it could’ve been better but this’ll do.

Joey Holt/Brye
You do a good job of continuity here. Now, Holt has two losses whereas he started with a perfect record. This is a very interesting route that you’re going with and I approve of it. The match description that you wrote was pretty good and really added to the story. You made me instantly hate the PRIDE president after what he did in this RP. Not just him, but the referee as well. This is why description is important people, it makes you care about the character. What you wrote really had me rooting for Holt to get the upper hand but of course that doesn’t happen as you can save it for another RP for another day.

The ending part of the RP was good too but it was a little too short. The description you wrote for Holt’s house really showed us just how much these losses are affecting Holt. There’s really not much to critique you on because this RP was pretty spot on. Make some of these parts a little longer and you’ll be in great shape man. Good job! (Y)

Lynch/Backstage Fallout
Now this was a fine RP you put out here. I think the only thing I’d critique you on is that there wasn’t enough mention of Bowen in this RP. There’s maybe about two lines about Bowen at the beginning then a little more towards the ending but I think what you wrote was just enough.

I’m not sure how exactly you want to portray Lynch, whether you want him to be a comedy character or not, so I wanna find that out very soon. But judging from this RP, it looks like Lynch is someone who just wants to have fun and that’s a pretty good route to take for your character. It keeps you neutral, you can go comedy or you can go serious at any time.

I definitely had a laugh at the horse getting high and Lynch himself getting high as well. It was a good way to put some laughs in your RP, so good job with that. There were other comedic elements in this RP and I enjoyed reading them. But the thing about his pony-tail being that strong, it’s still weird to me but I think I’ll get used to it. It’s definitely a unique feature your character has.

Overall, this was a very good introduction to your character. You give us a picture of what Lynch is like on a regular basis and leave us wondering about other stuff. Like who is this Doc Mitchell guy, what happened to Lynch that Doc is so worried about? Nice job leaving some unanswered questions that’ll surely be answered in your upcoming RPs. Very good intro to your character, loved it. Guys, take note, this was a good one (Y)

Kyle Elric/Quoth The Raven
Eversince you signed up for the fed I was already digging your character because it just interested me so much. For the first part of the RP, I get that you gave us a look into Elric’s past but there are just some things that are unclear, which may have been your intent. Who was Elric fighting? Is that the mom of your daughter? Is that the daughter that you’re doing all of this for? I really liked that you had us already guessing from the beginning because this really makes a reader interested in your character. But then the ending of the first part kind of ended abruptly. I think there may have been a smoother way to end that but that’s probably just me nitpicking. Also, description totally helped you out here. So guys, take note please.

The second part of your RP, I already knew what route you were going using all of those Japanese elements. I think that it may be a little confusing to some people who don’t really know the Japanese culture but you brought it back full circle to where it was easy to understand. That’s what I liked most about the promo part. You got into character, meaning you did all of your Japanese mumbo-jumbo but you did well in making sure that everyone could follow what you were saying.

Overall, you’re a good RP’er man. Definitely see you becoming a big player in PWC. Continue on with RP’s like these and you’ll be fine. Nothing too much to critique. Keep up the good work (Y)
 
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