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Discussion Starter #1
Lately, I've been looking at my life in a whole new perspective. I've been asking myself, should I quit smoking? Should I stop drinking? Should I finally grow up since I'm pretty much on my own now and soon will be on my own for probably the first time. Over this past year, I've experienced a lot. I've lost friends, gained friends, gotten closer to others...I've even had my heart pretty much broken by a bitch of a woman. Lots of things happened this past year that made it good and bad.

I started smoking heavily over this past year. Out of the past 365 days, I've smoked over 300 of them. It's what got me through the year. Well, I've had to grow up to. I told my mom that once I turned 18, I was getting out the house when I got a job. Well, that adventure started in February. I worked through a temp agency at the World Ag Expo and made enough money to buy me an old blazer. It got me through a lot this past year. I used to roll with friends. I look back and realize I was stupid. I usually let them run over me, not caring....or not speaking up. Well, to be honest, I became a different person when I got hired onto my first permanent job. It was all thanks to my stepbrother. I got hired on at Kidron and was around a whole different crowd of people. I was starting a whole new portion of my life that I didn't know if I was ready to, but was still determined to follow through on it. I began to hang out with an older crowd, a crowd that taught me a lot. Most of them are around 25 - 38. I have my buddy Marcello, who has proven to be a good friend on many occasions. There's Luis, Matt, Richard, Rob....we were the click. Well, they didn't come in until July, but until then, I was going to work like nothing...not caring about anything since I was only 18 and it seemed like a lot of money. I was still around my 'young' friends and I could always step back and look at them. I would be ashamed at times because they were going no where in life. I was the only one elevating myself. Luckily...no, thankfully and I'm glad for him, one of them is beginning to get his life together and go to school. Either he finally realized or he just went with the flow. WEll, he's no longer really around anymore since he is off going to school . He's down for Christmas break, but I really havent had time since I've started my new job.

Well, I keep going off track, but I always saw them and would regret a lot of stuff I did. Wasted money on some. One fucked faggot in particular, Andre, that bitch of a coward is somebody I truly hate now. I would literally beat the shit out of him if I saw him. He was a user. I'm glad I cut him loose as a friend. Well, They always came over when I first got a house with my older brother Paul. Sometimes, they came over too much, and I wouldn't say anything since I was still in my quiet phase. Well, work was chaning me more and more over the weeks. I began being a abnoxious, foul-mouthed person. It's all thanks to Kidron and Vicky. :) Kidron's employees and its dirty ways of running things got me to be the strong person I am. I take no shit and show no emotion. I've always been good at showing no emotion though. Well, Vicky...what can I say? The bitch broke my heart. I hate her for that. I thought things were going cool. She claimed she 'cared' for me, but that was a lie. All the bitch was doing was trying to get back at her ex, or current, or whatever she's into now. I liked her so much. SO MUCH. She made me realize girls are a waste of your time at my age. Thats why I'm going to stick to what I do now, just talk to girls I meet every now and then. Leave them at one night stands. Relationships are for people my age. All they do is ruin you emotionally. Some try to act like they're old and mature, when in actuality, they can't hold their own. They still need that backbone there. Then they become hypocrites and tell you to grow up when they can't even keep their own bills paid. I do. When that right one comes around, I'll just let it happen. I'm just not going to go out looking.

Once I started hanging out with my buddies from Kidron after work hours, everything began to come together with me. They became my guides. They gave me advice, helped me through a lot, and pretty much kept me under their 'wings.' I thank them for that. I even had a very good friend through the internet. Shane Winders. We called him good ole Swindy on my forums and others. He was there to help me out through a lot this past year and I also thank him a lot. 'Stryder' has also helped a bit and I thank him very much. Well, back onto the original thing, my buddies from Kidron nurtured my ways and I became more independent everyday. Even some of their ghetto ways started to get on me and I have become some sort of a badass, so to speak. Well, I wouldn't change anything about myself now that I think of it. I didn't finish school. Instead, I went back and got my GED. I didn't go to college. Instead, I got myself my first job, some responsibilites, and now I'm on my second job, making 13 an hour and I should be loving everything about it. I was gaining a best friend, but even that seems to kinda be going away because of some shit. I'm losing contact with people I should've never lost contact with.

I know it's all for the better, but emotionally, everything is tearing me apart. I miss my friend Marcie a lot. She used to be my world, but things kinda change when you aren't around each other for over a couple years. I just hope everything doesn't continue to upset me. CPI seems like it will be a good job for me. I hope 2006 doesn't really turn out to be a bad year. I'll make sure it doesn't. I'm going to start off fresh with people, bar one. I'm not going to take shit from anybody. I'm just going to work, hang out with the people I've been hanging out with now. They used to be just my brother's friends who I grew up just admiriing. Now they're my homies too whom I hang out with. Gus, Angel, Ray, Teung. They're all my buddies and throw me in the right direction. I just want to start getting everything on track. Within a few weeks, I'll have me a car. I'll be having a lot of money in my pocket. I'll finally be doing well. Now maybe my emotion side will finally leave. I don't want to be somebody with now personality, but I don't like these feelings. I've had unsaid feelings for a particular person over this past year. I haven't really talked to them for a couple months. My mind was taken off them courtesy of someone else, but it keeps breaking through every now and then. I hope 2006 becomes a good year and I want to start off fresh. I won't take shit and won't hesitate to fuck somebody up for starting shit. I'm a new Johnny. I've been a new Johnny. I'm going to grow up.

I just felt the need to get that out for really no reason. The internet is the place to release everything bottled up inside so I don't do it in real life and hurt somebody. idk I'm in just one of those moods.
 

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Dat Dude Dropkick
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Wow your rants are always deep.They make me think.I wish you luck in your future endeavors.On a side note,I can't even pronounce your name.
 

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Totally feelin this rant. :agree:

The thing about getting older...everyone changes. (For better or worse) People drop off the radar. Some ya wish wouldn't, others you eagerly kick away. Pro or con...it always betters you in the long run.

It sucks...but many things in life suck. Once you've endured them though, you realize the purpose they serve. And the lessons they bear.

Women? I've gone over 8 years without (the occasional make-out session excluded) and if I hadn't, would probably have completely lost it. They fuck with your head. (Sometimes in a good way...but not usualy) But for some reason, our cocks always lead us back to'em. Going out and looking for love...never tends to yeild good results. Best way to go about it is just say fuck it, if it happens it happens. That way there's no pressure to put on yourself (or others) when it comes to that. If it's meant to be, it'll materialize. If it's not...well, you still got tube socks and an imagination. Put it to use! :D

Here's to an enjoyable 2k6. With your mindset the way it is, I'm sure it's gonna be a good year. (Barring the things you can't control)
 
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Pronouns: They/Them/Their
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i read all that...seems you had a shitty time but seems you can come thru it better than what you started.

Good luck with the new year bud, hope things go well.

Kudos..
 

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Banned
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glad to hear it. I think you got your life on the right track. hope things work out. It takes alot to spill your thought to hundreds of strangers.
 

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The North Remembers
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Shit, that was deep into you.

I'm glad you've resurrected yourself from the bottom. Guidance and support from friends and family is one of the most crucial aspects a person will deal with in their lives. If you're friends are leading you down the wrong path, the results can be severe, and possibly deadly. I'm glad you saw which direction you were headed in, and stopped it before it got too serious. It takes a lot from a person to stop being friends with people you've known for a long time, no matter how dangerous those friends can be. What you've done was rather impressive.

Good luck with your future. Hopefully on December 31, 2006, you'll feel you've just had an extraordinary year. :)
 

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It makes me think alot. It speaks volumes for Lacrimosa that I think he can speak so much sense after a week or so of bitching at each other. I don't want to be seen to be copying him, but I will open up my own thread that doesn't necessarily just cover the year, mainly because I can get some things off my chest where I know it won't get read by certain people. Thanks for the inspiration Lacrimosa.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
I was in one of those moods....Cody used to hate them last year. :) Just had to let everything out., I was just typing and typing. I didn't even mkae paragraphs, but thought I'd give a space every now and then.
 

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You're growing up. It's all part of life, right?

About women and relationships...ha, I've always doubted love. I think love is just too good to be true. I mean, it is possible to love someone, but if they don't love you back...it isn't really love. I do think "love" exists, I just think it's rare for two people to love each other in the same way. If you're in love with one person, and they don't love you back...are you still capable of loving someone else? Or is lust just taking over? Is loving another human being really worth it?

Relationships, love, etc., it's all just confusing to me. Maybe when I'm older I'll find the answers to all my questions, or maybe "love" is just another way of explaining the attraction to the beauty of a girl. Then again, doesn't this make you shallow? Argh...what the fuck is love in the first place?? Meh...so confusing. :(
 

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STRIVE TO SURVIVE
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Dude, that's some deep stuff. You're a forum GOD to me, and what I read there was like 100 percent real!
 

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Lacrimosa said:
I was in one of those moods....Cody used to hate them last year. :) Just had to let everything out., I was just typing and typing. I didn't even mkae paragraphs, but thought I'd give a space every now and then.
Oh, the mood where you hate everything and everyone and bitch and take your frustrations out on whoever you're talking to? Yeah...good times. :agree: Now I've learned to enjoy that. Mmmm, talk mean to me. Smack me around a bit. Ooooohhh.
 

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The Old Man
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Kaneanite said:
Oh, the mood where you hate everything and everyone and bitch and take your frustrations out on whoever you're talking to? Yeah...good times. :agree: Now I've learned to enjoy that. Mmmm, talk mean to me. Smack me around a bit. Ooooohhh.
Oi!


You still owe me sex first slut...& this thread is about BB, not you... (or I).


Lets get it on elsewhere. :cool:
 
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Enough about that.

You want a good year? Talk to me. I have a plan that'll take some work, though.
 
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Old people don't have the brain capacity, although you may have the funds.

oooo, going to ask you to help me, then you'll forget you did, and I'll use the funds to carry out the plan.

oooooooo
 
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