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SMACKDOWN!

NOTE: I made this a month ago. This show is supposed to take place the Thursday after 12/30.

(Smackdown intro plays)
(pyro technics goes off)
(fans are cheering)

Cole: The valley of the sun is the home of Smackdown! tonight as we kick things off in Phoenix, Arizona! Michael Cole and Tazz at ringside, and all I could say Tazz is what a night it’s going to be!

Tazz: I couldn’t say it better myself, Cole. If you thought Phoenix was hot, you haven’t felt nothing yet, tonight two of the most gorgeous women of Smackdown! will go at it, Amy and Joy!

Cole: And if that’s enough, Kurt Angle will have the honor and privilege to be the referee!

(PROMOTION SCREEN: Amy w/JBL versus Joy w/Show with Angle as special referee)

Tazz: And you just know that JBL and Show will be backing up their ladies in this one.

Cole: And how about a 4 way tag team elimination match to determine the number one contenders for the tag team championships at the Rumble.

(PROMOTION SCREEN: Booker T/Eddie versus The Bashams versus Suzuki/Dupree versus Reigns/Jindrak)

Tazz: It’s going to be off the hook!

(Heidenreich’s music hits as he makes his way to the ring)

Cole: And here comes one of the most twisted men to ever step foot in this company.

Tazz: When are you going to get over this kidnapping thing?

Cole: What do you mean?!

Tazz: You still have a grudge against Heidenreich for kidnapping you.

Cole: And I guess that if you were kidnapped, you would just forgive your kidnapper?

Tazz: No, I would take care of him before he even kidnapped me.

(Heidenreich steps in the ring)

Heidenreich: Cut the music!

(music stops)

Heidenreich: Undertaker…! Undertaker…! You tried to scare me last week! You brought that casket out and popped out of it! You were trying to intimidate me?! ME?! ME?! No… Never… You brought that casket out here, indicating you wanted to face me in a casket match!

(crowd chants “Undertaker!” “Undertaker!”)

Heidenreich: SHUT-UP!

Tazz: This Phoenix audience better let him talk if they know what’s good for them.

Heidenreich: You failed to intimidate me. FAILED! I will not face you in a casket match! No… That’s too easy… Because at the Royal Rumble, when I throw you in that casket, you will still be breathing! And then the next week I have to worry about you, and then the next, AND THEN THE NEXT! This thing between us will never end! NEVER…! The only way it will end is when one of us stops breathing.

Cole: “Stop breathing”?

Heidenreich: I don’t want your casket match! I want another match instead…

(Heidenreich unfolds a piece of paper and starts to read)

Heidenreich: Ever since coming to the WWE, I wanted you to feel pain!
We faced each other once, and you thought I was slain!
I was in my own kind of pain, the pain of defeat!
To ruin Undertaker’s title shot again, that would sure be neat!
I was not done with you, not by a long shot!
The match I want will end you, and then you will truly rot!
This match brought you back as the dead man once more!
I will bury you for good this time, all the way to the earth’s core!
A 6 feet hole in the ground and a shovel, that’s the only catch!
The only match I want at the Rumble is a Buried Alive Match!

(the crowd cheers)

Tazz: Did I hear right?! Did he say a buried alive match?!

Cole: Oh my god…

Heidenreich: That’s the only way it will end! No other way, just this way. You intimidated me?! Well, I say, I just intimidated YOU!

(Heidenreich’s music hits)
(Heidenreich leaves the ring)

Cole: I’m still in shock, Tazz. I just witnessed a death wish, as a buried alive match challenge has been made.

(commercial)

Cole: We’re back as Heidenreich made a disturbing challenge to the Undertaker.

REPLAY

Heidenreich: A 6 feet hole in the ground and a shovel, that’s the only catch!
The only match I want at the Rumble is a Buried Alive Match!

(CUT TO)

Heidenreich: That’s the only way it will end! No other way, just this way. You intimidated me?! Well, I say, I just intimidated YOU!

(Backstage in Kurt Angle’s locker room; Kurt is sitting down)

(There’s a knock on the door)

Kurt: Come in!

(A sexy Amy walks in.)

Amy: Kurt…

Kurt: Joy…

(Amy sits next to Angle)

Amy: You know, Kurt, I’m really looking forward to our little match tonight. You will be enforcing a match between 2 divas --oops-- I mean one diva and one whore.

(crowd boos)


Amy: Sorry, my mistake. And I know what you stand for, Kurt. You stand for integrity, pure integrity. Your little ‘Kurt Angle Invitational’ that you do every week proves that with a shadow of a doubt. And a man with integrity always does the right thing.

Kurt: Where are you getting at, Amy?

Amy: Joy has disrespected you and your team. She turned down a modest proposal from Luther Reigns to go on a date with him not too long ago. And instead, she chose to go out with The Big Show. Big Show over Luther Reigns, what the hell is she thinking?! Well, I’m making my own modest proposal. You make sure I pin Joy tonight… and I’ll make sure I pin you tonight.

(Amy moves her face closer to Kurt as she goes for a little peck)

(Kurt puts his hand in front of Amy’s face)

Amy: I don’t want anybody who’s pinned JBL and his cabinet to pin me.

(Kurt gets up)

Amy: How ironic, and you call Joy the whore.

Amy sits there with an angry look on his face.

(Chavo Guerrero’s music hits)

Tony Chimmel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Making his way to the ring, from El Paso Texas weighing in at 220lbs, Chavo Guerrero!

(Chavo makes his way to the ring)

Tazz: I just love his music. Ohhhhh Chavo!

Cole: Never do that again.

Tazz: It’s his music, Cole. You got one nasty, perverted mind, you know that?

Cole: It didn’t sound right.

Tazz: You don’t sound right.

Cole: Speaking of Chavo’s song, you can hear it on the new Themeaddict cd, in stores now!

Tazz: I tell you, Cole, I bought one for myself, and I just couldn’t stop dancing.

Cole: Right.

(Jesus’s music hits)

Tony Chimmel: Accompanied by Carlito Cool, from The Caribbean’s weighing in 280 lbs… Jesus!

(Jesus and Carlito make their way to the ring)

Tazz: Chavo Guerrero will have his hands full in this match. Jesus is a force not to be reckoned, you see what he did to John Cena?

Cole: Yeah, like a coward, he hit John Cena in the kidneys with Cena’s own chain.

Match Highlights

Chavo has the speed but Jesus dominates Chavo.
Carlito sits down on a chair the entire match next to Tony Chimmel, resting his arm next to the announce table.
Chavo catches Jesus by surprise, and rolls him up for the cover and wins the match.

Aftermath:

Cole: Chavo upsets Jesus!

Tazz: It wasn’t easy, Cole, but he managed. Good for Chavo. Sneaky… very sneaky.

(An angry and upset Jesus walks up to Carlito)

Cole: What’s going on?

Jesus: WHERE WERE YOU?! I LOST THE MATCH! WHERE WERE YOU?!

Carlito: Take it easy, man. I was sitting down! Look at my arm! It was hurting a little.

Jesus: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE MY BACK, WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?!

Carlito: HOW COULD I HAVE YOUR BACK LIKE THIS? LOOK AT MY ARM YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU LIKE THIS?!

Jesus: WE’RE SUPPOSE TO HAVE EACH OTHER’S BACKS! I HAD YOUR BACK WHEN JOHN CENA KICKED YOUR ASS!

Carlito: NO ONE KICKED MY ASS! POINT IS, MY ARM COMES BEFORE YOU AND YOUR MATCH! MY ARM IS MORE IMPORTANT!

Jesus: Is that so?

(an angry and upset Jesus starts walking away)
(Carlito takes a bite of his apple, runs up to Jesus, and spits it in his face)

Cole: Oh!

Cole: Jesus is punching away on Carlito! Oh! He throws Carlito in the stair steps!

Tazz: What is he doing now?

(Jesus jumps on his arm)

Cole: He jumped on his arm! Oh my…! 280lbs on that arm!

Tazz: I think it just got broken again, Cole.

(Jesus grabs apple, takes a bite out of it, and spits it in his face)

Jesus: Your arm is more important?!

Cole: He spat that apple right in the face of Carlito.

(commercial)

Cole: We’re back as a moment ago, that 280lb Jesus possibly broke Carlito’s arm again.

REPLAY

Jesus: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE MY BACK, WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?!

Carlito: HOW COLD I HAVE YOUR BACK LIKE THIS? LOOK AT MY ARM YOU WANT TO HELP YOU LIKE THIS?!

Jesus: WE’RE SUPPOSE TO HAVE EACH OTHER’S BACKS! I HAD YOUR BACK WHEN JOHN CENA KICKED YOUR ASS!

Carlito: NO ONE KICKED MY ASS! POINT IS, MY ARM COMES BEFORE YOU AND YOUR MATCH! MY ARM IS MORE IMPORTANT!

Jesus: Is that so?

(an angry and upset Jesus starts walking away)
(Carlito takes a bite of his apple, runs up to Jesus, and spits it in his face)

(CUT TO)

(Jesus throws Carlito in steps, and then jumps on arm)

(Jesus grabs apple, takes a bite out of it, and spits it in his face)

Jesus: Your arm is more important?!


Cole: During the break, EMT’s escorted Carlito out of the building, and to a local hospital.

(Mysterio’s music hits as Mysterio and RVD make their way to the ring)

Tazz: Here come the champs!

Cole: RVD and Mysterio had one hell of a match last week on Smackdown!

REPLAY OF LAST WEEK

(Rey pins Eddie to regain title.)

Cole: As you can see, Rey Mysterio off the ropes to surprise Eddie for the count.

Tazz: One hell of a match, Cole. Looks like they’re coming over here.

(Mysterio and RVD put on headphones to join Cole and Tazz)

Cole: How are you guys?

Mysterio (ignoring Cole; shaking Tazz’s hand): What’s up, Tazz?

RVD (ignoring Cole; shaking Tazz’s hand): How’s it going, Tazz?

Mysterio: We’re just messing with you, Cole.

Tazz: Don’t cry, Cole, they were just messing with you. This guy takes things too seriously, like kidnappings.

(Suzuki/Dupree’s music hits)

Tony Chimmel: The following contest is a tag team elimination match to determine the number one contenders for the tag team championships at The Royal Rumble. Introducing first, at a combined weight of 522 lbs, Renee Dupree and Kenzo Suzuki!

(they enter the ring)

Cole: The rules are simple in this one, 4 teams, 3 eliminations, 1 number one contender for RVD and Mysterio’s tag team belts at the Royal Rumble.

Mysterio: That’s right. We’re just out here to see who our opponents will be at the Rumble. This is going to be interesting.

Cole: Last week you guys barely retained the titles.

Tazz: Geez…

RVD: Barely or not, we beat them, Cole.

Mysterio (smiling): I pinned Eddie.

RVD: But we’re a team. That’s why these are called “TAG TEAM” Championships.

Cole: These are the two men you defeated to win tag team gold, and it’s a possibility that they can be your next challengers.

Mysterio: Whatever team it is, I’m sure that me and RVD will come out on top.

(JBL’s music hits)

Tony Chimmel: At a combined weight of 465lbs, The Basham Brothers!

(they enter the ring)

Cole: The Bashams are the latest additions in JBL’s cabinet. These two are no strangers to the tag team championships.

Tazz: Why are you so negative, Cole?

Cole: What is it this time?

Tazz: RVD and Mysterio know that Dupree, Suzuki, and the Bashams have been tag champs in the past. It’s all in the past, Cole. Stop making these two uncomfortable, take it easy. They’re our champs.

Cole: I’m aware of that, and as a WWE commentator, I have to announce these things.

Tazz: Well, you’re giving our tag champs a splitting headache.

RVD (holding head): The pain…

(Luther Reign’s music hits)

Tony Chimmel: At a combined weight of 543 lbs, Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak!

(they enter the ring)

Cole: Later on, Kurt Angle will be the referee in an interesting match. Big Show’s friend Joy, and JBL’s image consultant Amy will go at it later tonight.

Tazz: I can’t believe you said that, Cole. Big Show and Joy are going out, where have you been for the past 2 months? They’re not “friends”, they’re more than that.

Cole: How can you tell?

Tazz: Excuse me guys, but as you may know, Michael Cole has never had a girlfriend.

Mysterio: I understand.

Cole: I’m married.

(Booker T’s music hit as Eddie comes out with Booker T in a low rider)

Tony Chimmel: And at a combined weight of 521 lbs, Eddie Guerrero and Booker T!

RVD: Why don’t we come out in a low rider, Rey? You’re just as Mexican as Eddie is.

Mysterio: Hey, our next paycheck should cover that. And that doesn’t include the car.

(Eddie hits the hydraulics, they get out of the car and make their way to the ring)

Cole: Any predictions, champs?

Mysterio: Yeah, we’re going to face one team out of the four.

(Mysterio, RVD, and Tazz laugh)


Match highlights

Eddie hits frogsplash to cover Kenzo Suzuki for the pin count. Team Dupree/Suzuki eliminated.
Booker T hits the leg scissor kick on Jindrak. Team Reign’s eliminated.
Orlando Jordan low blows Eddie when ref isn’t looking, Bashams double clotheslines Eddie and do their finisher (whatever it is). Team Eddie eliminated.


Aftermath:

Cole: The Bashams want a piece of the tag champs early.

Mysterio: What, essa? Let’s go. No need to wait at the Rumble. No excuses, come on, let’s go.

Cole: An all out brawl has erupted right in front of us!

Tazz: Move, Cole!

(Orlando Jordan hits RVD and Mysterio with the steel chair)

Doug Basham: Those titles are ours, essa!

(RVD and Mysterio are laying on the ground out)

(commercial)

(Backstage; Eddie and Booker T are cooling off)

Booker T: I can’t believe you lost our chance to win those titles… again! You got pinned last week, and you got pinned this week.

Eddie: Holmes, you’re the one who’s always taking a cigarette break out of the ring. I mean, yeah, I’m the greatest champion ever, but I’m not good enough to take on three men. I mean, low blows hurt man. It hurts the ones more who were blessed with bigger maracas (balls).

Booker T (angry): Tell me, you did not just say that! What you trying to say? You trying to say I don’t have big kahunas?!

Eddie: No, you said that, essa, not me. Not me…

Booker T: Alright.

(Booker T kicks Eddie Guerrero in the balls)

(Back to arena)

Cole: Did you see that, Tazz. Booker T just kicked Eddie Guerrero, his tag team partner, south of the waist.

Tazz: Don’t know, Booker T just seemed real furious that Eddie’s always getting pinned.

Cole: He got pinned last time, but this time it was with the help of Orlando Jordan.

(John Cena’s music hits)

(the crowd’s on their feet)

Tazz: The U.S champ, baby!

Tony Chimmel: The following Contest is scheduled for one fall. From Westbury, Massachussetes, weighing in at 256 lbs, John Cena!

(makes his way to the ring)

Cole: He is the United States Champion, and he’s here in Phoenix!

Tazz: I love that title, Cole. Look at it spin. I get dizzy just looking at it.

(Charlie Haas’s music hits)

Tony Chimmel: Weighing in at 235 lbs, Charlie Haas!

(makes his way to the ring)

Match Highlights
Cena goes for FU twice, Charlie Haas gets out of it
Charlie Haas has the speed in the match
Charlie Haas loses by dq, hits John Cena with belt.

Aftermath:

Tazz: I’ve never seen Charlie like this before.

Cole: Just look at his eyes. No, what’s this… Oh! Charlie hits Cena with the belt again! The match is over damn it!

(Charlie Haas leaving ring)

Haas: I want what you have, Cena!

(commercial)

(Backstage announcer and Funaki)

announcer: Funaki, you have defeated Spike Dudley for the second time to regain your Crusierweight Championship. How do you feel?

Funaki: I feel like I’m Smackdown’s! NUMBER ONE champion!

(Spike shows up)

Spike: Look at you. Just look at you. You think you’re actually somebody just because you have that piece of gold around your waist. Well, you’re nothing! You’re a loser, Funaki. For years you’ve been a loser, a pathetic loser that everyone loved to laugh at. Face it, Funaki, people don’t like you because you’re a wrestler. People like you simply because you make them laugh. You’re a damn joke, that’s all you are! A short oriental joke who just got lucky the past couple times. You name the time and place, and I’ll take back what’s rightfully mine.

Funaki (angry): Okay… Royal Rumble me and you.

Spike: Sounds good…

(Spike exchanges glances with Funaki)

Spike: Enjoy that title while you can.

(Spike is about to leave but Funaki grabs him)

Funaki: Cage match.

Spike: What?

Funaki: No excuses next time, no luck involved.

Spike: Whoa, for a moment there, I thought I was talking to a real man.

(Spike leaves)

(Back to arena)

(Hardcore Holly’s music hits)

Tony Chimmel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. From Movile, Alabama, weighing at 260 lbs, Hardcore Holly!

(Hardcore Holly makes his way to the ring)

Cole: Well, Tazz, last week Daniel Puder had a few things to say to Hardcore Holly and his career.

Tazz: Knowing Hardcore Holly, Cole, you don’t want to disrespect him in any way, shape or form.

Cole: Ain’t that truth.

(Daniel Puder’s music hits)

Tony Chimmel: From Salt Lake City, Utah (don’t know where he’s from), weighing in at 220 lbs, Daniel Puder!

Cole: And this should be a very interesting match, veteran versus rookie. The UFC fighter against the king of Hardcore.

Match Highlights

Al Snow distracts ref as Daniel Puder hits Holly with a garbage can lid (under the ring).
Puder picks up the win via pinfall.

Aftermath:

(Al Snow and Puder leave the ring while smiling at Hardcore Holly; Hardcore is furious)

Cole: Oh my, is there going to be hell to pay.

(Backstage; Big Show and Joy are there)

Show: Now don’t you worry about a thing. This is your first match on Smackdown! and I know that. But I’m going to be there at ringside, making sure everything is taken care of. Okay? Don’t you worry about a thing.

Joy: Thanks, Show.

(Joy hugs Show)

Show: Now, let’s go out there, and kick that bitch’s ass!

(Big Show and Joy leave)

(commercial)

(JBL’s music hits)

Tony Chimmel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Being accompanied by JBL and his Cabinet, from Los Angeles California (don’t know where she’s from) weighing in at 120 lbs, Amy!

(Amy, JBL, Orlando Jordan, and the Bashams make their way to the ring)

Cole: This rivalry between Amy and Joy has been red hot.

Tazz: Literally.

Cole: As you may have remembered, both women were in the 250,000 dollar diva contract signing not too long ago.

Tazz: I tape recorded that whole thing, Cole. I tivoed it actually. My tivo was happy.

Cole: This match will contain all three men who are in this triple threat match at the Rumble. JBL, who is in Amy’s corner; Big Show, who’s in Joy’s corner; and Kurt Angle, the referee in this match.

(Big Show’s music hits)

Tony Chimmel: Making her way to the ring with the Big Show, from Washington, DC, weighing in 132 lbs, Joy!

(Big Show and Joy make way to the ring)

Cole: Big Show, not taking his eyes off JBL. Big Show wants that title, but he knows he doesn’t only have to go through JBL, but Kurt Angle.

Tazz: Olmpic gold medalist, baby.

(Kurt Angle’s music hits)

Tony Chimmel: Your special referee in this match, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 240 lbs, Kurt Angle!

(Kurt Angle make his way to the the ring)

Cole: You have to wonder, Tazz, whose side Kurt Angle will be on. Earlier Amy’s “modest proposal” didn’t work. And well, you know what’s been happening between Joy and Kurt Angle’s team.

Tazz: Let’s just say Joy doesn’t bring joy to some people. Get it?

Cole: Good one. And what’s this?! Kurt Angle is kicking JBL, his cabinet, and Big Show out!

Tazz: Can he do that?!

Cole: He’s the referee, he can do anything!

(Teddy Long’s music hits)

Teddy: Hold on playas. Kurt Angle, you may be the referee, but I’m the GM. I say that all those people stay.

(JBL is smiling at Kurt Angle and clapping for Teddy’s decision)

Teddy: Because this match is no longer a one on one woman’s match, it’s now an inter gender tag team match.

Cole: What?!

Teddy: Get this. It will be Amy and his man, taking on Joy and his big pimp.

(JBL is pointing to Orlando, saying he’s Amy’s man)

Teddy: Let be more specific. After all, I guess you can say all of JBL’s cabinet are Amy’s men, if you know what I mean.

(Amy’s furious)

Teddy: It will be Joy and The Big Show, against Amy and JBL! Oh and for The Bashams and Orlando Jordan, you can have JBL’s back tonight.

(The Bashams and Orlando smile and shake their heads yes)

Teddy: Because Big Show, as big as he is, will be backed up by the two men the two men you jumped earlier tonight. RVD and Rey Mysterio!

Cole: Oh my!

(RVD’s music hits as RVD and Rey make their way to the ring)

(The Bashams and Orlando are furious)

(JBL is frightened as Show is smiling right at him and shaking his head)

Cole: JBL and Amy versus Big Show and Joy with Angle as referee, NEXT!

(commercial)

Match Highlights

JBL acts like a pus, and makes sure this is still a one on one women’s match.
JBL and Show face each other for a little bit, but as JBL starts to get his ass kicked, he tags in Amy and Show tags in Joy.
RVD/Mysterio take the fight between Orlando and The Bashams backstage.
Joy and Amy are fighting by ringside while their men are fighting each other in the ring.
Finally, Big Show chokeslams JBL, and then goes for the F5. He connects. Big Show covers JBL, but Angle hooks the ankle lock on Show. He then goes for the Angle slam and makes it.
Both Show and JBL are down. Angle counts to 10 as none of the men get up, and rings the bell. No winners in this one, only Kurt Angle.

(End Show)
 
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