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Discussion Starter #1
So I sit here in the dark after taking 4 T3's and 3 cans of red bull. I want to rant but I dunno what I want to rant about, I guess I'll let the words come to me as I go.

I know the first thing I wanna talk about it bitches. Fuck them. Seriously, fuck them hard and every night. I recently went on a date with some chick and we hit it off. I was shy so I thought for sure she'd be turned off but she wanted to see more of me. She asked me on the date, picked me up, we pretty much did everything backwards, except I paid for everything. We went on a few dates and i asked her if she wanted to become a couple, that's when she hit me where it hurts. She dodged it for a while, trying to throw me off telling me she wasn't looking for a boyfriend because she had been hurt too many times in the past, but one day she told me the real reason. She was more interested in chicks then dicks. She told me she enjoyed talking to me and wanted to continue, but right now she was not looking for a boyfriend.

Which brings me to my next point, there is proof right there that you choose to be a lesbian. She made the choice when she was tired of guys fucking her over, being dead beats and decided it would be easier with a chick. I'm not too phased by it, it seems like her coming out to me first brought our friendship closer to the point I was able to tell her things I can't even tell my best friend. Like my pill addiction.

I've been addicted to pills (Percs, Ritalin, Depression Pills, T3,Sleeping Pills,etc) for almost 10 years. I was able to tell her this, I told her I have slowed down since 2007 when I was out of a job, broke, had nothing going for me except pills and weed. I told her how back then it was a mixture of 3 Perc, 6 advils, 4 sleeping pills and 4 cans of red bull a day for 5 months and didn't care about the consequences. I told her recently I started taking them again as I was getting stressed out with shit going on. Just last night after she finished work she showed up unexpectedly at my door and helped me flush my pills and made me promise to get help. I couldn't say no to her, but I have no plans on getting help.

I honestly feel like a dick now after coming on here and talking bad about lesbians and gays the way I did, because this girl came into my life, seen i was a decent guy, and even though she hates guys with a passion is going out of her way to help save me from death. i don't think I could ever repay her for that.

My sleep pattern has been thrown way off lately as I continue to pop these T3's and drink this red bull. My body doesn't know if it wants to rest or keep going it really is a great feeling, but I know if she ever found out it'd kill her and might kill the friendship we have developed over such a short amount of time.

This brings me to this next chick. A girl I met at work who I connect with on a personal level, I tell her about my fucked up upbringing and she tells me about her. i'm going to leave her out of this part because I feel i need to tell more people about what a piece of shit my mother really is.

My mother never loved me, I'm not talking about the typical child drama I'm talking about the fact she told me straight out. Maybe I should start from the beginning, when i was three. My mom came home from work early, let the babysitter leave and then sat me down and told me she was leaving my dad, when I asked why she told me because she couldn't look at me. She then told me it was my responsibility to tell him that it was all my fault. That is my earliest childhood memory, being 3 and being told by my own mother it was my fault she didn't love my dad anymore.

Lets skip to grade 5, my 11th birthday, such a great day, i remember this birthday for all the wrong reasons. having spent the last 8 years trying to figure out why it was all my fault I found out around 5PM that night when my mother called and told me that the reason she didn't love me was because her first born was supposed to be a female and I was a male. She told me she couldn't stand looking at me and loved my 3 brothers more then me because she had come to grips that she wasn't going to have a girl, but she couldn't look at me knowing I ruined her life.

That shit kills any child and fucks them up for life. A few weeks later my favorite aunt pulled me aside and told me she needed to tell me something. That is when she told me she heard about what my mother said on my birthday and felt it was now time for me to know that when i was a week old my mother tried to trade me to her for her daughter. When that didn't work my mom wanted to put me up for adoption, thank fuck I had a father who loved me.

My mother will never realize the pain she has caused me, she is the only person in the world I can honestly say I hate and wouldn't care if she was murdered, ....d or just dropped dead.​


This shit weighs on my mind every day and grade 7 I became a pothead, grade 8 I discovered pills they were my way of escaping the hurt my mother brought on me for the first 13 years of my life.

I know most people aren't going to read this or if they do they're going to give a typical "suck it up fuckjob" response, and you know what maybe I deserve it, I have gotten a bad rep around here. But at the end of the day we all have our own problems, we all have our own way of escaping them. It's not like I wrote this for attention, I've come to realize that in order to start getting over this shit i need to let it out to as many people as possible.
 

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Hey man. I know we aren't exactly the best of friends, but anyway I want to say sorry. It always sucks to hear stories like this. I hope you can find the strength to actually stop the pills and stuff, that shit is never going to end well if you keep doing it.

As for your mother, that's a pretty brutal thing to tell a child, if she's going to be that way towards her own son, she doesn't deserve to be loved. By you or anyone.

I'm sorry man, hope you're dealing with it all okay.
 

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Parents really can fuck with a kid so bad it's unbelievable. I'm in a similar situation with my dad. While he was drunk and I was high on pills I told him that he was a shitty father to me and he FREAKED out.

But it was true what I said. My childhood memories of my dad were of him occasionally taking me fishing where he would sit up at the front of the boat drink, smoke weed, and bitch at me for tying a knot wrong. The other memories were me sitting alone in my house while my dad was getting shitfaced in the garage and me cleaning up after his drunken messes he would produce.

I'm also addicted to benzos and oxycodone. Which is what I use to deal with these problems. It's my fault that I take these drugs in such excess, but bad parenting and family relationships can easily trigger such abuse.

I hope you get off the pills soon, man. They've pretty much ruined my life and broke me down into a delusional, depressed psychopath. And honestly, don't even involve your mom in your life anymore. It will just trigger you to want to keep using and using.
 

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Discussion Starter #8 (Edited)
I'd just like to say I have taken my mom out of my life. I haven't talked to or even seen her in 9 years. I'm the kind of person who if you hurt me like this I bottle it up, I know its not good, people tell me all the time I need to talk to her and get it all sorted out. What they don't realize is I have no interest in talking to her, even to tell her how much she fucked me up. People don't seem to get that, they want me to talk to her and ignore the fact that it's all up to me. It's usually when people tell me I need to confront her about it that I become stressed and grab the pills, because I do not want to even talk to her.

I guess one positive I can take out of this whole situation is the fact that while 5 of the people from my group counseling group have committed suicide, I have never even thought of it.
 

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Well, you can't force or demand love. You've got a bad deal with this story, but there are just weak idiots out there. Always thank destiny when you're better and can keep yourself together, against your individual psychological failures and egoism.

I wouldn't talk to such a mother neither. There is no reason. It would only make sense, if I'd still love her. But when someone really realized that someone else doesn't love him/her, he/she can't love the other person in return. Only problem is, some people tend to not actually realize it. They have still doubt. That's why, kill doubt!
 

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It sounds like a really sad story... Can't say I care and there is at least a 50% chance that Mr.Styles made everything up.
No, it was an 100 percent factual tale about your adventures of cock fondling, ball gurgling, and semen swallowing for a naked picture of Rajah. Which would be used to bribe him to get your multimedia rights back.
 

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Nice, deep rant, even if it is fake I still think this is a good rant, something where many people can relate too, being neglected by their parents and drug abuse. If its real, sorry to hear about all that shit Styles, thats mad fucked up about your mom. She's one fucked up women, and I can't blame you for the way you feel. If my mom was like that, I would never talk to her again, wouldn't care if she dropped dead.
 

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Two bits of advice.

1. Your mum is mentally ill. Take what she says with a pinch of salt.
2. RE: Girls. Don't fall into the trap of confusing co-dependency for love.
 

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Look at it this way, you have a dad that obviously cared about you.
Even if he was the only one you weren't alone.

I've learned that you should never forget those you trust and fuck those who you don't
 
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