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If you've not seen the drugged-up looking Jeff Hardy rant his mouth off about CM Punk, then you are missing out... here is my analysis of the video:

JH: What’s straight edge mean again? The first straight edge world heavyweight champion. I think Christian said it best... erm... CM Punk, I think you’re a nerd.

Ooh, big scary Jeff Hardy calling Punk a nerd! This is like when Michael Cole calls Danielson a nerd, it just comes across as really kiddie. I wonder if CM Punk is crying huge tears into his glass of Pepsi Raw? Crying until his tear-ducts burn because a drug-wreck called him a nerd... Crying like a child who’s been left in a supermarket... you can play by the escalators all you want kid, but your mum’s never coming back...

JH: I get cocky every now and then, say you pay to see me, you pay to see me, but... I made CM Punk a motherfucking superstar... and that’s a fact, Jack... and I went in like this {raises middle finger]... baaaaannng!

At this point Hardy has laid it all on the line, he made Punk into a superstar, a superstar who seems to have gained his fame from copulating with his mother. Hardy then makes reference to that time when he “went in like this” and all the sycophants that surround the Hardy’s went “ooooh” like they were eleven and someone said a swear near a teacher... “oooh... you’re naughty.” On a serious note, I’m not how one would go in like that, but it seems pretty creepy to me. “Baannng!”

JH: You can’t do that shit in your company anymore, but in this world [makes a triangle with hands], you can do it all we want to. You should follow me, you should listen to my preaching because it’s gonna get you through life; it’ll make you live life the right way.

From this, it would seem that Jeff Hardy believes that triangles are banned from the WWE. The reasons for this are not explained by Hardy, but one must assume that WWE fear lawsuits for the use of triangles (though they do have the rights to use the logically impossible square-circle). I think what Hardy is saying here is that if you follow Hardy, you will transcend geometry.

JH: Your way’s not the right way, brother. That’s what’s cool about planet Earth; we’re all different. If we were all like you, man, I would rather live on Pluto.

If we were all like CM Punk, then Jeff Hardy would rather live on a fictional cartoon dog? Now, I don’t want to come across as preachy, but if you’d rather live on a cartoon dog than in a world without drugs, then maybe it’s time to consider going straight. I’m not preaching, it’s just a suggestion.

JH: You [points to the cameraman], my friend, are way too cocky; inside and outside of the ring.

At this point I would like to know who is behind the camera? And why is the cameraman so cock inside the ring as well as outside? These questions are never answered.

JH: It’s kinda strange when you go up and see your homeboys at a show... you got guys like Undertaker coming up and saying “hey Jeff, how’re you doin’, man?” all these other guys going “hey Jeff, how’s it going for you, man, you alright?” [incomprehensible] CM never even say hello to me, never did, walk away [mumbles] I just leave [mumbles] fuck that guy.

Wow, Jeff Hardy is pissed off because someone who doesn’t like him at his old work place didn’t go over to him and pretend to like him. How insecure is this guy? I’ve worked at places and have hated people, that’s part of working in a place with other people in. He then descends into the mumbling grumpiness of an old wino, no doubt reaching down to can of Special Brew for a dirty swig once the camera cuts.

JH: I just have one message for CM Punk [raises both middle fingers], fuck you.

The way Hardy delivers his swears here reminds me of someone who has just learnt a naughty word and feels assured with himself that by its mere utterance, the recipient of said swear will not be able to fathom, nigh, comprehend a word of such power and magnitude.

JH: I made you the straight edge superstar that you are, and I still don’t believe that because I think you take Ambien to go to sleep motherfucker [laughs], that’s a prescription if you didn’t know it, so hey-woah.

So hey-woah, Mr Punk, you’ve been hey-woahed, baby. Whatcha gonna do now? I feel sorry for Punk: he’s been accused of having sex with his mother, of being banned from triangles, of making Jeff want to live on a cartoon dog, of taking prescription drugs; he’s been told to fuck him, and now, with the final nail, the final barb of poison, he’s been hey-woahed... Jeff, you’ve crossed a line.

We then cut to Mr Sleepy, AKA Fat “Matt” Hardy, who somehow manages to piece together these words of wisdom in the same way a retarded kid would piece together the entrails of dead bird, believing them to be a jigsaw puzzle.

MH: I have no idea what CM Punk’s deal is with Amy Dumas.

It’s pronounced Lita, dumb ass.

MH: But I do know [falls asleep......wakes up] he’s a very dramatic and very emotional. Anytime she finds herself in a tough spot, I’m the guy she calls.

... and this is why CM Punk is better than you.
 

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I didnt care much for Jeff Hardy because that guy is a trainwreck but Matt Hardys was just too much LOL the fat ass was eating his fries and unemployed trying to hate on a 3 time heavyweight champion
 

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thread wasn't really needed as we already had a thread for the entire event, and this is like two weeks late, but whatevs. too much text for me to bother with anyway.

think we can all sum it up with "Jeff Hardy's butthurt. and on drugs. lol."
 

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He was drunk not on drugs, how many people does it take telling you for you to understand that jesus. When you get older and go out and get drunk and see other people drunk you will understand
 

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He was drunk not on drugs, how many people does it take telling you for you to understand that jesus. When you get older and go out and get drunk and see other people drunk you will understand

EXCUSE ME IT'S SO WRONGFULLY TO ASSUME A MAN WHO GOT 'ATTEMPT TO SELL' IS ON DRUGS, he's obviously blown outta his mind
 

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I didnt care much for Jeff Hardy because that guy is a trainwreck but Matt Hardys was just too much LOL the fat ass was eating his fries and unemployed trying to hate on a 3 time heavyweight champion
I didnt care much for Jeff Hardy because that guy is a trainwreck but Matt Hardys was just too much LOL the fat ass was eating his fries and unemployed trying to hate on a 3 time heavyweight champion
Holy deja-vu Batman!

Oh, and Jeff can FOAD.
 

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they did it for publicity and the more you talk about it the more they are succeeding just so you know
 

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I actually used to be huge fans of the Hardy's during their tag team run... even Matt in 2005-2007 was great and I was a fan of Jeff from 2007-2008... but damn they've really let themselves go mentally and physically... Such a shame to see this happen so often in the wrestling world.
 

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Oh hey look, wwe fan calling out a tripping hardy.
 

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I really don't care whether you were drunk or high, nothing excuses that type of behaviour from a guy that's suppose to represent a company to a world wide television audience.I understand having a good time and getting a few drinks but nobody is forcing you to go overboard and do stupid stuff like this...don't tell me but he was high or drunk and all that crap, if he did this because he was high or drunk that's his own damn fault because nobody forced him to make a video that stupid...and for the people who say that yeah but jeff is right cause punk...get over it, you are not part of the locker room and do not know punk on a personal level, most people who have had an encounter with punk don't complain except for maybe 1 or 2 people here and there, just remember anybody can have a bad day. I'm not a punk mark, but jeff was unproffesional. If he had problems with punk then he should keep it between them, whether or not people want to believe it or not, this DOES NOT do anything for TNA or the hardy's image except make them look like unsatisfied SOB's with too much free time on their hands
 

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It's really a shame how far they've fallen, considering what they used to be, and that Matt's convinced Jeff to get in on the retarded internet messages.
 

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He was drunk not on drugs, how many people does it take telling you for you to understand that jesus. When you get older and go out and get drunk and see other people drunk you will understand
Alcohol is a drug, believe it or not. A legal one, but a drug nonetheless.
 

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He was drunk not on drugs, how many people does it take telling you for you to understand that jesus. When you get older and go out and get drunk and see other people drunk you will understand
I would expect someone who has Hardy in their avatar to say this......

I'm 19 and have been drunk plenty of times, and seen people drunk and they are not as zoned-out of this world as them too..... they both must be on drugs because Fatt Hardy is eating the menu twice over by the looks of it.
 

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OP failed horribly at being funny in his post. Pluto the dog? really?
Why wouldn't matt hardy refer to lita by her real name?
And taking the insult "mother fucker" literally...
 

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Lita also stated recently that she doesn't really speak to Matt anymore so he's a liar as well.

Jeff is high, I'll bet my bank balance on it.
 
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