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Congratulations, you played yourself
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So I wanted to make this thread cause the majority of you guys are around my age and may know a thing or two. Maybe some of you have even been in my spot, I don't know...

Anyway I'm 21 and I feel like my life is passing me by. I haven't really accomplished anything in my life and I haven't got a single friend. I spend most of my time on the internet, playing video games, and in my room. My eating and sleeping schedule is terrible and has been for a while now. I left school early cause I hated it and didn't have any friends. I had people I talked to but I was always under the impression that they were talking to me because they felt sorry for me, and quite frankly that made me feel a hell of a lot worse. It made me feel cautious and anxious. I kinda got bullied in primary school, but not the usual physical bullying. I didn't talk or fight much so a lot of people would take advantage of that and I guess I was kind of seen as a pushover. Looking back at this, I wish I kicked them in the face cause I was fully capable of it, I just chose not to. Obviously this type of behavior made me hate school and most people my age in general, so I took the first chance I got to get out of it.

But looking back, I regret it now cause I missed out on so many memories and opportunities. For example, I never went to prom or had a girlfriend. Despite being fairly good looking and having lots of opportunities with girls, I never ended up taking them because I'm too shy and anxious about it. Having no friends to hang out with or break the ice also makes things 10 times worse whenever I meet a potential GF. I met this amazing girl online a while back and we clicked immediately. But all I could think about if I met her, was how much of a * or weirdo she would think I am if she found out I had no friends.

I should probably leave the school bit out as I feel like it's not really relevant to the topic at hand but I wanted to make a point about why I left school. I'm not really as bitter as this post sounds but I keep it all in because I'm too embarrassed to speak to my family about this. I'm also too embarrassed to talk to anyone else because I don't feel like there's anything wrong with me. I just want a proper life...

I'm 21, I've never kissed a girl, I've never been clubbing, I've never been asked out for a few drinks in the bar... nothing. Zilch. I look at some other people my age and wonder what exactly the f-* is wrong with me? Why do they get all these things and I don't? Why does nobody ever seem to make an effort with me? Why is it when I meet new people, it never goes past the small talk? It's like nobody wants to get to know me.

I'm embarrassed to talk about this here but it's something that really annoys me sometimes. And I need advice quick because I feel like I was 16 yesterday. Before I know it, I will be 25 and in the same situation. I just want to make a change. My personality isn't bad, I admit I'm a little quiet and might come across as a bit boring at first but when you get to know me, I open up and become a completely different guy. I feel like I need to change my personality and lifestyle or I'll never get to experience life. When I'm 50, do I really wanna look back at my prime years and say "Well, I played a lot of FIFA..."? Hell no. I wanna remember all the nights I've been out, all the girls I've been with, all the cars I've driven, etc...

Has anyone ever felt like this? If so, what did you do?
 

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Sounds like you're gay




lol jk, stay strong dude. Don't change yourself based on societies expectations of what a young man should be, just be yourself.

Think you're stuck in a rut? I fucking hear you man. It's all about work. Work hard, earn money, drag your ass to different places and experience different things in this big old blue marble we call a planet. You may be stifled by your environment, and getting some money and doing a bit of travelling really could open your eyes and perhaps give you a bit of perspective.

With regards to lasses, don't sweat it. It is a bit odd to have never even kissed a girl at your age, but some girls will find that really endearing. Maybe like a religious girl? Someone with a brain at least, a romantic. Your chances of finding a girl like that will be multiplied tenfold if you explore new places and new scenes.

Don't be sad bud. We all get in a rut sometimes, and as gimpy as it sounds, it's because you're bored. Fix that by getting out and about!
 

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i told you this years ago and you denied my advice. you deserve to be miserable because you refuse to listen to those with superior knowledge to yours. when you act like that towards those who are trying to help you with your problems it's no surprise you have no friends.

you're probably gonna die a virgin buddy. shame because i could have gotten you laid in six simple steps if you followed my advice.
 
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You are still very young OP. Myself at 21 is vastly different than now. If you desire to change, to reinvent yourself you can. Just dont sit around and regret what you havent done. That kind if attitude gains inertia and before you know it, you'll be 30 and in the same situation. Good Luck.
 

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Get your money up. Once you've got money everything else falls into place.
 

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You need to meet people with similar interests. Think about what you really like and try to get in those same environments. I can't really speak on girls because I'm a virgin too but as far as friends go you just need to find people who share your interests. Don't be too worried about getting invited to bars or whatever if that's not something you want for yourself.

I have like 4 close friends and I'm perfectly happy with that. There are people out there who become buddies with everybody so easily and I don't understand it either, like how they can just chat with everybody and always have something to say. When I go out and meet new people I have a tendency to dislike people who I feel aren't being sincere or talk about stuff without really being that knowledgeable in whatever they're saying, basically they're just bullshitting each other and I don't know if it's because they don't know better or whatever but it pisses me off and I distance myself from them, even unintentionally sometimes. I think this makes people think I'm a dick when I don't think I am but I'm sure it's one of the reasons why I have a hard time being buddies with a lot of different people. Maybe you have this same behaviour and it drives people away from you.

I read that thread you made about college and I feel bad that you decided to quit but just like I told you then you need to be somewhere you can be near people whom you have things in common with. That's what I did after high school. Move to a different town if you have to, I did and I'm happy I did it.

As far as women go I don't really know what to say. In school there were girls that liked me but I was too immature to really go for it and now that I'm not in school anymore I don't really know what to do anymore. Going to clubs to meet girls isn't really something I'm suited for. I guess I'll just have to pray I meet someone I like at work.

Please don't get depressed or angry about your situation and, most importantly, don't start blaming others for your problems. There are many people out there who feel the same exact way you do so please don't start thinking you're some kind of anomaly. 21 is still young. If at 25, 26 you're still feeling that way then there's reason for concern.

Also, be honest with people, especially people you like. That is always a positive.
 

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Still psycho at heart.
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The only person who can implement change is you.

I've been where you are and it's a never ending cycle that just spirals down into a pit of depression. But only you can pull yourself out.

Stop caring about what other people think of you. Easier said than done, I know. But it really does help; you said you stopped talking to people because you felt they felt sorry for you. This is your insecurities getting in the way. Why on earth would those people have talked to you if they didn't care? People have so much going on in their own lives that they have little time to dedicate to people they don't care about.

Confidence is something you need. Fake it until you make is a pearl of wisdom. Fake it until you become it. Tell yourself you're confident, tell yourself so adamantly that you start to believe it.

Which ties into girls. Girls are not the magic solution to feeling great but you wonder why people your age get to go out? Because you have to take the initiative sometimes. A 10/10 knockout isn't going to knock on your door and say fuck me. She's out there in the world, not in your room. Rejection is a part of everyone's life, it's how you get back up again that makes regret go away. How do you know the person who is making small talk with you isn't thinking "Wow, I wished he'd ask something more about me."?

Don't let yourself get depressed and wither away in your room. Get out there and cultivate friendships, travel, go to the cinema alone and watch a film. Eat by yourself, invite someone out for a meal. Live.

Taking up a new hobby that it outside of your comfort zone is a great way to start.

I just started archery. Yeah, it sounds fucking stupid to just say it but I'll be damned if I don't feel like something out of assassin's creed.
 

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WeeWoo WeeWoo
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Sounds like the first thing you should do, OP, is get into some shape/form of therapy in order to deal with your anxiety.

Almost any advancements humans can make in life involve some interaction with people and if you can't connect with people in a emotional, social, or even just professional manner then it's going to be next to impossible to improve your life.
 

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This was lengthy read so i skimmed thru this, but if its girl trouble youre at the right place with the internet. There are countless women out there to run thrugh with self esteem way lower than yours. Thats if practice is all youre looking for. Not telling you to be a dog or liar by any means, because theres tons of chics who dont want anything serious.

You complaining about being lonely on the internet is kind of like complaining of hunger while trapped in a grocery store, man. Just get out there and browse the aisles! I promise theres a whore on every shelf, good sir
 

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The best advice I can offer other than just venturing out into the sunset trying to find someone who shares similiar intrests is to try and hold out for 9 more years since from what I understand,it is the point in which you become a wizard
 

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Alright OP, think you're just stuck in a bit of a rut. I'm 21 too and I struggle with social issues. I also have very few (albeit very good) friends, I'll advise what I can for when I got stuck in a rut a couple years back.

A lot of it is about not having a day-to-day purpose. What I mean by that is education, a meaningful hobby or some kind of job. You mentioned you left school, what qualifications do you have? Might be worth reconsidering going back to school or joining a college. Tons of things to study and you don't always need qualifications to join , depends where you are and who you apply to.

If you don't want to study, find some kind of job. Full time, part time, whatever. You can work wherever you like depending on your skills - what skills do you have? If earning money isn't what you want to do, you have to find a hobby and invest all your time into it. What are your interests?

I'm good with computers so my hobby is creating video games - I just do it on the side as I'm currently studying programming but I've been devoted to my hobby for a year and every day I feel like I have a purpose. Find something you love and go for it.

Don't worry about not drinking or clubbing or any of that - I'm your age, bored of all that shit (been there done that not worth the hangovers) - that's just what people our age are typically seen to do (at least in the UK anyway). Again, you gotta find your interest and run with it. See if there are any sports or games clubs near you and join them - it'll give you a chance to meet people on common ground.

Nothing wrong with finding friends or a girlfriend online either, don't let people tell you that's sad, it's absolutely fine. I bet you're just introverted, I am too. Gotta get out of your comfort zone though man. You gotta be prepared to meet people and develop friendships with them in person - it can be difficult believe me, I don't usually like talking to people I'm not comfortable with because I'm a weirdo. But once I get comfortable with those people, they're friends for life. It's just a step you have to take, once you're comfortable around people, your shyness will melt away. And believe me, you'll find a girlfriend in good time, but first you must work to improve yourself.

Other than that, make sure you eat well and healthy, get lots of exercise (join a gym maybe? Strength training is one of my favorite hobbies, maybe give that a try?) and get a good sleeping pattern down.

It takes motivation to do all this and make these positive changes, but you have to be willing to change and from your original post, I bet you are. So go for it.

Best of luck.
 

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Ted the Moth
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It's a tricky situation. The first thing that comes to mind is joining the kind of clubs where you meet people, like say a local sports league or a volunteering program. From personal experience though I know how deceptively easy it is to do all of those things while keeping mostly to yourself. Team sports would be a pretty good bet because they tend to build team spirit, regardless of your level of ability because joking about being crap can be just as fun sometimes. I don't know if they have that in your local area though. A lot of volunteering kind of stuff also requires a lot of teamwork it seems. I guess your anxiety might make people feel like you're not interested, so the encouraging body language like smiling and nodding would help, even if you're not feeling up to saying much.

It's also important to find excuses to get out of the house on a regular basis, which is why you'd do well to get a job part time or sign up to some sort of thing that will keep you occupied.
 
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