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Barman goes, "Why the long face?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay, I want to hear more jokes, that was one of the best ones I've heard, post yours.
 

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- A ham sandwich walks into a bar...

the bartender says "Sorry, we dont serve food here"

- What did the Mexican guy say when his house collapsed on him?

"Get off me homes"!
 

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A bear walks into a bar and sits down and the bartender says "What can I get you??" and the bear sits there for like 3 minutes and then he finally says "I'll have a beer." Then the bartender says "Why the big pause(paws)" lol. I loove that joke but it works better when it's told out loud instead of typed
 

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I'm a Batman fan so I'm going to post some Batman related jokes:Q: How does Batman's mother call him to dinner?

A: (tune of 1960's theme) Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Batman!!!


Q: What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile?

A: Get in the Batmobile Robin!


Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn decide to go rob a bank.

"Now, remember the plan," Ivy tells Harley.

"Yeah, yeah, no problem!" She says, and walks into the bank. Ivy waits in the getaway car.
Time passes. Five minutes...ten...Ivy starts getting worried...fifteen...
Suddenly Harley comes rushing out of the bank, dragging a safe behind her all tied up in rope. Behing her, the guard comes running out...with his pants down!

Ivy groans. "Harley, you idiot! I said to tie up the guard and blow the safe! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!!"
 

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A duck goes into a bar...
Duck "Alright mate, got any bread?"
Bar Tender "No, sorry pal". The duck just turns around and leaves. 10 minutes later the duck comes back.
Duck "Alright mate, got any bread?"
Bar Tender "No, I told you before mate. We don't serve bread!". The duck just turns around and leaves. An hour later the duck returns...
Duck "Alright mate, got any bread?"
Bar Tender "Are you havin' a laugh? You've been in here twice already asking for bread and twice I've told you, we don't sell bread! Now then, either order something or get out.". The duck just walks out. 2 minutes later the duck returns.
Bar Tender "Look, I've told you 3 times now, we don't sell bread, what do ya want!?!?"
Duck "Got any bread"
Bar Tender "Right, that's it! You're barred and if you come back, I'm gunna nail your beak to this bar!" The duck turns around and walks out...
5 minutes later the duck returns.
Duck "Alright mate, got any nails?"
Bar Tender "No?"
Duck "Good, got any bread???"
 

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copy of a copy of a
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A duck goes into a bar...
Duck "Alright mate, got any bread?"
Bar Tender "No, sorry pal". The duck just turns around and leaves. 10 minutes later the duck comes back.
Duck "Alright mate, got any bread?"
Bar Tender "No, I told you before mate. We don't serve bread!". The duck just turns around and leaves. An hour later the duck returns...
Duck "Alright mate, got any bread?"
Bar Tender "Are you havin' a laugh? You've been in here twice already asking for bread and twice I've told you, we don't sell bread! Now then, either order something or get out.". The duck just walks out. 2 minutes later the duck returns.
Bar Tender "Look, I've told you 3 times now, we don't sell bread, what do ya want!?!?"
Duck "Got any bread"
Bar Tender "Right, that's it! You're barred and if you come back, I'm gunna nail your beak to this bar!" The duck turns around and walks out...
5 minutes later the duck returns.
Duck "Alright mate, got any nails?"
Bar Tender "No?"
Duck "Good, got any bread???"
I actually laughed. Might have been the fact that it's close to 6am here and I haven't slept in forever.
 

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A women puts an add in the paper looking for a man to date with. In the add she states that the man must not abuse her, run away from her and he also needs to satisfy her sexually.

A few weeks past and there is a ring at the doorbell and she see a man in a wheelchair with no arms.

'I read your add in the paper that you were looking for a man so here I am.'

He continues to say, 'Since I have no arms I can't beat you up, since I'm in a wheelchair I can't run away'

The lady asks 'So how are you meant to sexually satisfy me then?'

The man replies saying 'How do you think I reached the doorbell :hmm:'
 
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