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So… we have watched Night of Champions, a PPV strictly about championships, where none of the matches ended with a title change… and we have watched Battleground, which showcased one of the worst conclusions to ever grace a main event match. Will Hell in a Cell prove to be the trifecta of the PPV shitstorm, or will we, the viewers, actually get to watch something that’s halfway decent for a change?

I must confess, I haven’t watched Raw for the past few weeks, and I have felt so much better for making this choice. So yeah, I’ve missed all the eleventy billion Cena return video packages, and all of the other dull promos they usually throw up in our faces with. I’m sure there’s one or two good story segments and matches that I missed out, but overall, I’d rather spend my three hours doing something else.

Anyway, on with the predictions for HIAC 2013:

So the kickoff match is Curtis Axel vs Big E Langston for the IC title. Now I know I haven’t been keeping up to date, but to me, this just feels like something completely random and thrown together in the last two seconds. Well, it’s different, I give you that much. Big E is sure to pull off a few devastating moves in the ring, but overall, Curtis will highly likely retain the title. Paul Heyman will probably cause little interference in the match. Overall, it will be nothing memorable.

The match that’s starting on the card is Los Matadores against The Real Americans. This could be mildly entertaining for an opening match… could be, but it probably won’t be. I expect a few ‘rope bouncing around’ spectacles, and Antonio spinning the chibi bull around six hundred times. Los Matadores will probably go over clean, but what I would like to see are a few miscommunications between Swagger and Cesaro, throwing in subtle hints that the team would split up in the long run. Cesaro really needs a face push in my estimation.

The next match is Cody and Goldust vs The Shield vs The Usos. Interesting. Another tag team match, and it’s a triple threat to boot. I’m not sure about this one; I think it would be better if it was just The Shield and the Rhodes, because it would feel more personal between the two teams. No offence to the Usos, but they just come off to me as a third wheel, in this kind of matchup at least. I reckon this will be a fairly decent match, with the Rhodes retaining the tag titles. I would be very, VERY surprised if the Usos pull off the upset.

AJ Lee vs a dumb lump of cheddar for the Divas Championship. Even though I like AJ, I can’t see this match being a spectacular smash hit. I honestly don’t care who wins, and I will be genuinely astonished if this match reaches the grade of overwhelmingly average.

CM Punk vs Ryback and Paul Heyman in a Handicap HIAC match. The interactions between Punk and Heyman will be the only entertaining segments of this matchup. Ryback has really gone downhill in terms of wresting and promos (not that he was amazing to start off with), and it’s doubtful he will pull off anything memorable tonight. Punk deserves better than this, and if it wasn’t for Heyman being there, than this match would be even more boring to witness. I reckon Ryback will win, by hook, crook or steel chair.

Randy Orton vs Daniel Bryan, with Mr Wrestlemania as the special guest referee – The Hell in the Cell Match that should be the match of night. Lots of people have been saying this, and I’m going to agree with the majority; when the odds are stacked in the Face’s favour, chances are, something sinister is waiting to happen. Either Shawn Michaels will turn heel or it will turn out to be a tragic accident. Either way, some sweet chin music is bound to end up in the face of one Daniel Bryan, and Randy will once again become the WWE Champion.

However, although this is what I predict is going to happen, I really, really want to see Daniel Bryan win the championship in a legit clean fashion. I know it won’t happen, but I think it’s about time they pushed this son of a goat to the stars and beyond, mainly for one reason; he is everything that Vince does not want to see in a wrestler. Even though the Yes chants are kind of grating on my nerves now, Daniel Bryan is one of the few guys in this industry that is actually entertaining. Flying heatbutts, backflips off the top rope, running knees and a few submission moves thrown into the mix; to me, Daniel Bryan really has the makings to be a WWE champion, regardless of height or physique.

And lastly, is this really the main event? Alberto Del Rio vs John Cena? The guy returns after an absence of only two months, and he instantly gets shoved into the top spot?! Whatever.

So anyway, Cena vs ADR for the Heavyweight Championship. In my humble opinion, these two are the most dullest, most lacklustre superstars ever to grace the WWE, so it’s only natural that these two are positioned in the main event hotseat.

I predict this match will be boring as hell, perhaps even worse than Rock/Cena at WrestleMania29. I hope to God that Damien Sandow cashes in on whoever wins this borefest, and bring some interest to the Heavyweight Championship. I don’t want to see Cena/Orton for the umpteenth time, I really don’t.

Overall, my expectations for HIAC will be exactly like most of the WWE’s PPVs for this year: low. There are only three things I’m looking forward to:

1. The Triple Threat Tag match should be entertaining.
2. So long as there are no stupid interferences, I’m looking forward to the WWE Championship. Whether Randy wins or Daniel triumphs, this should easily be the match of the night.
3. Sandow cashing in and becoming the World Heavyweight Champion.

Also, since there are only six matches on the card (7 if you count the kickoff show), chances are there are bound to be a couple of extra ones squeezed in as extras… which will turn out to be crap.

My predictions aside, this PPV should at the very least be marginally better than Battleground and Night of Champions. A lot of people actually demanded their money back after witnessing the horror of the previous two PPVs, so if that’s not an incentive to create better matches this time round, then I get the impression that the WWE really do enjoy taking a shit on their loyal fanbase.
 
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