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Addicted to Sex & Candy
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1,284 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
*Mood* The opposite of not angry.
*Dick Level* Hard to even get a chub on.
At Fault? A goddamn cooze and a bunch'o guys.

I don't brag and I don't complain nor even hardly mention my sex life on the forum, so I'll keep this one (of two problems) short. I had the worst sex of my life last night. I thought it couldn't get any worse than the time I "softend-up" around the 18 minute mark (im good with knowing what time or keeping track of minute for some reason) with an overly thick girl, but noooo. I don't know if it was the condom - and it's been years since I've used them - no way I was going to fall for the "I'm on birth control" line this time! It felt like I was putting on a mega-tight rubber band and I don't know who was the driest, my condomn on the girl. We were fucking on the very chair I'm sitting on. She was a bit of a screamer and into it but I had to really try my best to think hard to... well.. stay hard. But the condom was tight and the dryness made me think, "Oh, this is how it feels when you take two bricks, stick your dick in between them and fuck them". Too much alcohol? Too much "partying"? I don't know... Fact of the matter is that I was back to playing on Pokerstars.net within minutes.

NOW THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE OF ALL TIME...
Dudes NEED to SHUT the FUCK up
SO I CAN WATCH MY
PORN!!!
Eh, man. No one needs to try to be slick and act all, like, "Whack-off? Psshh... I ain't gotta whack-off. I gets mine" Fine, playa. Go get you some. Hell, great if you are gettin' some day and night and bonus if she wakes you up to a "good morning" special. Whether you're married (and damn, I've found tons of my dad's stuff), have a girlfriend or you think you're a smooth pimp, you know you take that mouse a click to your "Favorites Section" whether it be puckys.com or hometwat.com or freeones.com or xtube.com or whatever, you know you pet that thing you consider to be an elephant with an afro (another thing - guys.. shaving is very much accepted these days... damn nasty ass mother fu.. -. Don't deny it. But the real problem is....

The fucking porn-star guy who is louder than the bitch he is fucking!
Ladies, my apologies on the word "bitches". I actually know a girl who works-out at the local gym who does Internet porn and she's just an average person... with an awesome BMW.
I'm tired of chaffing my carrot to what is supposed to be my straiht-guy private time that includes beautiful women getting fucked... Only to hear the men being louder than the woman! 'Scuse me, mind if I can keep my cock up? Is she fingering your asshole and that feels better than what you have in between her vaginal walls or something? Is your CLlT more sensitive than her's? I know if feels good to be all up in a girl and make her feel like she's got a jackhammer in her guts and all... But simmer down!
I can't help but to feel gay if I'm about to pop a nut with this dude screaming louder than the chica he's fucking. Just close your eyes when you're about to fling yogurt and try to think of the hot girl but all you hear is the guy and see if you don't feel gay. I mean, someone; uh, the director or someone has to tap the guy on the nuts and yell "cut" and tell the male porno star that he isn't making a gay porno! I don't matter if she snorted cocaine off your dick or she rubbed it all up in her vadge to make the sex even better... Shut the fuck up.
Men world-wide buy these or go onto the internet to waste 2 - 5 minutes (don't you lie now) and it's already bad enough we can't play fucky fucky with the chick your with, but do you gotta sound like a sensitive gay dude or something?

All I wanna do is fuck or jerk off and neither has given me satisfaction in the last 24 hours.

FUCK YOU, TROJAN!
 
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375 Posts
BRETT FAVRE
Puggle here.

I believe that GF here, is right on target.

You see, Prime Time Keim, you need to be more like Brett Favre. You must adopt his unwavering persistence.

When Brett Favre makes a mistakea, he doesn't just quit, he works on his mistakes until they are corrected. It is that dedication that has led to both his on field and off field success.

Be tough, be true.

Prime Time Keim, you need to be a Packer...

Puggle out.
 

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Wait, Brett Favre is the all time leader in interceptions. So you're saying he's persistent and determined to fail, especially in the biggest game at the worst possible moment?
 
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375 Posts
Wait, Brett Favre is the all time leader in interceptions. So you're saying he's persistent and determined to fail, especially in the biggest game at the worst possible moment?
Puggle here.

You're the one who said that, not me.

Note that Brett Favre is also the all time leader in touchdowns.

PTK (is it ok if I call you that), your life will be full of both successes and failures, make sure that the triumphs outweigh the defeats.

Puggle out
 

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Yeah he was a great QB at times, but he's his own worst enemy. Using him as a model of persistence and success is not seeing the big picture. I question your advice here.

Oh Jerry Rice and Emmitt Smith get inducted into the Hall of Fame tomorrow. Use those two guys as the paragon of persistence and success.

EDIT: I really just wanted to rag on Favre for a few minutes. Carry on.
 

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I love Favre's country boyness. Pretty damn hot if you ask me. :)


Also, the guy has what 20 seasons... and 19 of them are winning seasons... How fucking badass is that?
 
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375 Posts
Yeah he was a great QB at times, but he's his own worst enemy. Using him as a model of persistence and success is not seeing the big picture. I question your advice here.

Oh Jerry Rice and Emmitt Smith get inducted into the Hall of Fame tomorrow. Use those two guys as the paragon of persistence and success.
Puggle here.

Yes, I do acknowledge that Mr. Farve possesses flaws, just like you and I. However, he is the true model of resilience.

Recovering from a near fatal car wreck, picking up the slack for an injured Don Majkowski, or guiding your team to a victory just after hearing that your beloved father passed away.

That takes something else.

There are warriors and there are men, Puggle
 

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Moderator
Joined
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40,588 Posts
Puggle here.

Yes, I do acknowledge that Mr. Farve possesses flaws, just like you and I. However, he is the true model of resilience.

Recovering from a near fatal car wreck, picking up the slack for an injured Don Majkowski, or guiding your team to a victory just after hearing that your beloved father passed away.

That takes something else.

There are warriors and there are men, Puggle
I was wrong about one thing, Rice and Smith get inducted tonight.
 

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I must away and tend to my ravens
Joined
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11,236 Posts
*Mood* The opposite of not angry.
*Dick Level* Hard to even get a chub on.
At Fault? A goddamn cooze and a bunch'o guys.

I don't brag and I don't complain nor even hardly mention my sex life on the forum, so I'll keep this one (of two problems) short. I had the worst sex of my life last night. I thought it couldn't get any worse than the time I "softend-up" around the 18 minute mark (im good with knowing what time or keeping track of minute for some reason) with an overly thick girl, but noooo. I don't know if it was the condom - and it's been years since I've used them - no way I was going to fall for the "I'm on birth control" line this time! It felt like I was putting on a mega-tight rubber band and I don't know who was the driest, my condomn on the girl. We were fucking on the very chair I'm sitting on. She was a bit of a screamer and into it but I had to really try my best to think hard to... well.. stay hard. But the condom was tight and the dryness made me think, "Oh, this is how it feels when you take two bricks, stick your dick in between them and fuck them". Too much alcohol? Too much "partying"? I don't know... Fact of the matter is that I was back to playing on Pokerstars.net within minutes.

NOW THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE OF ALL TIME...
Dudes NEED to SHUT the FUCK up
SO I CAN WATCH MY
PORN!!!
Eh, man. No one needs to try to be slick and act all, like, "Whack-off? Psshh... I ain't gotta whack-off. I gets mine" Fine, playa. Go get you some. Hell, great if you are gettin' some day and night and bonus if she wakes you up to a "good morning" special. Whether you're married (and damn, I've found tons of my dad's stuff), have a girlfriend or you think you're a smooth pimp, you know you take that mouse a click to your "Favorites Section" whether it be puckys.com or hometwat.com or freeones.com or xtube.com or whatever, you know you pet that thing you consider to be an elephant with an afro (another thing - guys.. shaving is very much accepted these days... damn nasty ass mother fu.. -. Don't deny it. But the real problem is....

The fucking porn-star guy who is louder than the bitch he is fucking!
Ladies, my apologies on the word "bitches". I actually know a girl who works-out at the local gym who does Internet porn and she's just an average person... with an awesome BMW.
I'm tired of chaffing my carrot to what is supposed to be my straiht-guy private time that includes beautiful women getting fucked... Only to hear the men being louder than the woman! 'Scuse me, mind if I can keep my cock up? Is she fingering your asshole and that feels better than what you have in between her vaginal walls or something? Is your CLlT more sensitive than her's? I know if feels good to be all up in a girl and make her feel like she's got a jackhammer in her guts and all... But simmer down!
I can't help but to feel gay if I'm about to pop a nut with this dude screaming louder than the chica he's fucking. Just close your eyes when you're about to fling yogurt and try to think of the hot girl but all you hear is the guy and see if you don't feel gay. I mean, someone; uh, the director or someone has to tap the guy on the nuts and yell "cut" and tell the male porno star that he isn't making a gay porno! I don't matter if she snorted cocaine off your dick or she rubbed it all up in her vadge to make the sex even better... Shut the fuck up.
Men world-wide buy these or go onto the internet to waste 2 - 5 minutes (don't you lie now) and it's already bad enough we can't play fucky fucky with the chick your with, but do you gotta sound like a sensitive gay dude or something?

All I wanna do is fuck or jerk off and neither has given me satisfaction in the last 24 hours.

FUCK YOU, TROJAN!
Easy solution, stick to girl on girl with strap-ons :D
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I can't hire a hooker... I keep my wallet tighter than the vadge of a hooker... Whatever that... means?

I adore the fact that Smith has a crush on me, At first I thought a certain someone was jealous or looked upon me as an idol. But I now know that it's a cruxh. It's like growing up: The boy picks on the girl and the girl picks on the guy and then they fuck. No, P.Smith! No! I will not let you blow me! I'd rather stick and toxic acids down my pisshole then ever allow my cock in your mouth! You're such a pervert!

I didn't expect my dick and Brett Favre 'popping up' in the same thread, but what the hell? I'm getting tired of him waiting forever for his decisions because I want my Madden game to be as updated as possible! Plus the NFL; just growing up during his era, anyone can agree that it's a lot more fun and entertaining when Brett is on the field. Plus I respect good ol' country boys who are some tough sum bitches.

Anyway, I'm guess I'm going to have as much great sex as I will bad sex? With porn, I'm going to bust as much as to hearing the man as often as I hear the woman? I'd rather just keep my dick in the box. If not.. I guess I could be the Brett Favre or the Cy Young of fucking?

- And, yeah PTK is fine.
 

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As a Minnesotan I think Farve needs to stop his bullshit. If you want to play than play if you don't don't and I also wish the the radio would just shut the hell up about him.

In other news

Porn where women are loud= awesome

Porn where men are loud= awkward
 
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