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Re: Forever-Delayed and Kane01 Do WWE

TKoW's review of Smackdown:

I have to be honest; I haven't been reading your thread since I only just started really getting back into the BTB section. However, I'll review the show as best as I can.
-Good opening segment with Edge/Orton. Both men were very much in character, which is an important element of Realism. The only thing I didn’t like was:

And personally deep inside and I have no problem telling you this, but I think you’re a NO GOOD PIECE OF SHIT!
I just couldn't imagine Edge saying that.

Edge goes to catch Orton off the ropes with the spear but Edge quickly drops to the mat and rolls to the outside.
I think you meant Orton dropped to the mat and rolled outside. I know you might think "its one little mistake", but it definitely effects what the reader thinks of your skills.
Although the opening angle was good, you have to be careful even for one sentence which can change the balance of the angle. I think this was a very good way to open the show.
I'm taking a point off because of grammar. Spelling seems OK (I noticed a couple of mistakes though), but your grammatical layout needs to change. 8/10

-Kidman vs. London was quite good, but I don't like DQ finishes when it comes to the Cruiserweights. They are a breath of fresh air in the WWE and I'd rather have seen London get the win. Then again, it puts Kazarian over as the cheating, sneaky heel champion. What is the match at SNME? 7/10

Two weeks ago I advised you to go to the nerd convention with your fellow spotty geeks who have yet to go through puberty !(like yourself) - unnecessary, and !(your) - spelling mistake still here ruining my reputation by just !(standing) - no emotion next to me.!(wrong punctuation) Now get the hell out of my sight before I slap the yellow off your teeth.!(wrong punctuation)
-I don't know what everyone else thought but I really liked the opening for the Kennedy interview! Once again you immediately establish character, which is a good thing. On the downside, you take no notice of spelling and grammar. Here's a sample of what you should try and do (note - take notice of the red exclamation marks in the quote above; they are where I think you can or need to correct yourself):

Two weeks ago I advised you to go to the nerd convention with your fellow spotty geeks who have yet to go through puberty, and you're still here ruining my reputation by just STANDING next to me! Now get the hell out of my sight before I slap the yellow off your teeth!
Hopefully you understand what I am trying to get at and you improve for next time. There are more mistakes but I feel I've made my point. Anyway back to the interview: a great segment from Kennedy and Carlito:

lets speak so the………Chain gang can understand me. Yo man take a peek at this yo, I’m here pimpin my ride thinking I am black yo. I’m here representing the US of A dawg. Worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrddddddd for hizzile for shizzle. Now where the hell did you pick up that accent Mobile Alabama that’s what I want to know?
If he is a wrestling God, Adolf Hitler was a nice guy.
If you spit that in your face I will take the rest of that apple and stick it so far up your ass you will see it popping out of that fungus on your head.
-All great quotes; I think you are a very good booker when it comes to the Quality/Entertainment factor. 9/10

-If it were me, I'd have a match then have JBL do his speech, but it's your thread so I guess I'll just have to live with it. However, it was yet another fantastic promo. I started laughing when you said:

How dare the man get involved in my business, a Wrestling Gods business and gets his twenty inch nose in my way costing me a title. That man does not deserve to be standing in the same country as me let alone the same ring as me. Pinocchio you might of cost me the US Title but let’s just say payback is a bitch.
Your wrestlers are in absolute character and it is very enjoyable to read your show. Just one thing:

I smelt like smoke son because I went through fire.
Don't copy things that have been said before unless they are a catchphrase which is said all the time e.g. "I am a Wrestling God".

Obvious bail for JBL; I guess we'll see JBL vs. Trips in some shape or form soon. Is Trips going to recreate D-X with Shawn Michaels? Interesting.
I think you did extremely well with this segment, a lot of humour as well as action towards the end. You totally deserved to get full marks (although, I'm being a little generous. More grammar and spelling mistakes next time and I'll be much harsher!) 10/10

-Another collision on the road to WrestleMania between Brock and Batista. OK segment. I wonder who will win at WM? 7/10

-OK match for Rey Mysterio, although I would have preferred if Kurt Angle had accidentally cost Eric the match. 7/10

-Good Tag Team match, although I don't think the face wrestler would use brass knuckles. Still, it builds up the Kennedy/Carlito feud as well as an important Tag Team victory for Kane and Big Show. 8/10

-Batista destroys Brock again? That makes Brock look weak. I hope you'll have Brock do something "monstrous" in their next confrontation to give him some credibility back. 6/10

-A great Main Event match between Edge and Orton. So Benoit is the only face in this equation? I guess he'll win the championship. Good announcement for SNME; I can only imagine it ending in a 3-way brawl. 9/10

OVERALL SCORE: 7.8 ~ 8 = Good show.
CONCLUSION: Overall a very good show. Wrestlers were in character and the promos were good. Matches were OK, but could've been better (Rey squash, face Carlito using brass knucks, Cruiserweight DQ). Next time you should take more care on spelling and grammar.

I hope you find my review useful and I await your return review on my BTB:D.
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