[Hollywood Johnson]

Hey guys, it's your top fella Hollywood Johnson bringing you another quality rant.

Bouncers, aka door guards, are among the most annoying people on the planet. One of them decided to snatch my id from me the other day for no reason. Because he had a horde of policeman to back him up, there is absolutley nothing you can say or do back. Luckily, the fat c*nt gave me it back. Also, the other night, some fella decided to kick me out of a nightclub for being *to drunk* Being the smart fella that i am, i managed to sneak my way back in with the help of a few fellas.

Don't you just wanna smack these dicks and take a shit in there face sometimes? Yeah right, it's never gunna happen. They're untouchable. One day, i'm gunna snap like Randy Savage and give one of these fellas a hiding. So if your top fella Hollywood Johnson is vacant from these forums for a while, then i'm probably slashed up in the cells somewhere getting raped every night by a skinhead. I'm treating every day on this forum like it's my last.

Love from your top fella, Hollywood Johnson.

 

[Rush]

Last night these two bouncers and one of em's alright the other one's the scary one. His way or no way, totalitarian. He's got no time for you looking or breathing how he don't want you to.So step out the queue he makes examples of you and there's nowt you can say. Behind they go through to the bit where you pay and you realize then that it's finally the time to walk back past ten thousand eyes in the line. And you can swap jumpers and make another move, instilled in your brain you've got something to prove to all the smirking faces and the boys in black. Why can't they be pleasant? Why can't they have a laugh? He's got his hand in your chest, he wants to give you a duff. Well secretly I think they want it all to kick off. They want, arms flying everywhere and bottles as well it's just something to talk about. A story to tell you

 

[Role Model]

^^^ exact song came into my head when i saw the title.

 

[Rawlin]

Last night these two bouncers and one of em's alright the other one's the scary one. His way or no way, totalitarian. He's got no time for you looking or breathing how he don't want you to.So step out the queue he makes examples of you and there's nowt you can say. Behind they go through to the bit where you pay and you realize then that it's finally the time to walk back past ten thousand eyes in the line. And you can swap jumpers and make another move, instilled in your brain you've got something to prove to all the smirking faces and the boys in black. Why can't they be pleasant? Why can't they have a laugh? He's got his hand in your chest, he wants to give you a duff. Well secretly I think they want it all to kick off. They want, arms flying everywhere and bottles as well it's just something to talk about. A story to tell you

this is gonna be the only good part of this rant thread.

 

[Rush]

^^^ exact song came into my head when i saw the title.

we were clearly separated at birth.

 

[DR JUPES]

Ah the Arctic Monkeys, I remember when I use to like them. Not so much now though, they were better when they were simple.

 

[SHIRLEY]

Bouncers have a target to hit each night. They have to turn away a certain number of people. If you give them even a remote reason to do so, they'll turn you away.

Best bet is to make some banter with them, while you wait in the queue, and they'll let you in with or without I.D. etc. in my experience.

 

[TheLoneShark]

Don't you just wanna smack these dicks and take a shit in there face sometimes? Yeah right, it's never gunna happen.

I wouldn't take a shit in anyone's face, but I am barred form my sister's local for knocking out one of the bouncers on her eighteenth. He refused accept her ID, despite it being a brand new valid passport, I was massively drunk and chewed him out like a dog with an old slipper. He pushed me, I smacked him straight in the mush and he went down like a sack of shit.

The lesson of the day here, kids? If they look like Audley Harrison, they probably go down like him too.

 

[punx06]

Just last week I had a run in with one. A guy who was wearing a similar jacket and had a similar hat to me was apparently pushing coke in the guys toilets. Someone grassed on him to the bouncers and they were following him on camera. When I went to leave the bar I was stopped and told to stand to one side, I was out of my skull drunk and didn't really get what was going on so I just waited with my mate. Next thing I know, I had a bouncer and a cop in my face saying they caught me on camera going backwards and forwards to the toilet and acting suspiciously. The police officer searched through my stuff, and then my mates stuff as the bouncer was telling me to "just admit it, you were seen on camera".

I started to argue (incoherently) and told them this was pure bullshit and I was either outside smoking or at the bar with my mate for the whole 2 hours we were there, but he gave me all this "I didn't see you out here" stuff. After more arguing and the copper's inability to find any evidence, the manager came back down and admitted there had been a fuck up and they had checked the camera outside and had seen me outside smoking at the same time the other dude was in the bar. Turns out the guy had left while all this shit was going on.

Somehow though because I called the guy some names and used some rather colourful language, I've been banned from going to that bar for a month. Banned for not letting the meathead bouncer and his rent-a-cop buddy from putting me through all that shit when I had done nothing wrong.

 

[Toots Dalton]

Never had much fuss with them to be honest, I just don't let them get to me, whenever I've been refused entry, I just go elsewhere, I'll take my money to another establishment, their loss, not mine.

 

[Silent KEEL]

Don't get frustrated just because you are a loser that can't get into the club. Just be more awesome next time and you'll get in, dude.

 

[Hollywood Johnson]

Don't get frustrated just because you are a loser that can't get into the club. Just be more awesome next time and you'll get in, dude.

You clearly have not read the post clearly fella. I'm old enough to go clubbing. I'm nearly 19. Please re read the OP and get back to me. Cheers.

Love from your top fella, Hollywood Johnson.

 

[What 3:16]

This rant was a bit of a letdown tbh Hollywood. I didn't get the same lulz from this as I do from your usual shtick.

Most bouncers where I go are always flirting with girls they will never get. Makes me laugh really.

Love from your top fell ... ah you know what, I can't do it. Not anymore.

 

[Hollywood Johnson]

Heh? Theres no lulz intended fella. Just a rant for us fellas to discuss the scum that are bouncers.

Love from your top fella, Hollywood Johnson.

 

[geraldinhio]

I never really had much fuss with bouncers.The best thing as Shirley said to do is make small talk and try and get to know the bouncers so you can get in without i.d ,skip the line and get in and get in immensley trashed.This all benefited me and my friends last night.We skipped the line that would of took us at least half an hour to line up in and we where wasted as fuck and got in without any questions.

Oh ,and Hollywood Johnson ,stop signing off all your posts .That was Puggles thing .He's dead and gone leave it at that.

 

[PWG Six]

I worked as a bouncer for a little while and you cant blame them for being assholes. Most of them are pretty cool in real life. You know that each night you will have to argue with a bunch of assholes when you have to turn them back and you never know if you will be in a fight. Then there are those drunk guys who will start fights and argue with women and just be very innapropriate with them. The drunk guys are the worst. They think they can kick your ass but they can barrely stand. You kick them out and they are like what the fuck did I do wrong. If you did nothing wrong then they wouldnt be fucking with you. If you did nothing wrong then you wouldnt have caught their attention.

 

[MrMister]

Belligerent drunk people deserve to be bounced.

 

[GOD OF CUNT]

Hey guys, it's your top fella Hollywood Johnson bringing you another quality rant.

Bouncers, aka door guards, are among the most annoying people on the planet. One of them decided to snatch my id from me the other day for no reason. Because he had a horde of policeman to back him up, there is absolutley nothing you can say or do back. Luckily, the fat c*nt gave me it back. Also, the other night, some fella decided to kick me out of a nightclub for being *to drunk* Being the smart fella that i am, i managed to sneak my way back in with the help of a few fellas.

Don't you just wanna smack these dicks and take a shit in there face sometimes? Yeah right, it's never gunna happen. They're untouchable. One day, i'm gunna snap like Randy Savage and give one of these fellas a hiding. So if your top fella Hollywood Johnson is vacant from these forums for a while, then i'm probably slashed up in the cells somewhere getting raped every night by a skinhead. I'm treating every day on this forum like it's my last.

Love from your top fella, Hollywood Johnson.

So in other words, he took it from you, read your date of birth, and then gave it back.

 

[DR JUPES]

In real life, after you finish a sentence do you go "love from your top fella, name"?

 

[Chadwick Winebarger]

Bouncers are just doing their job. It's the drunk people fucking with them making their job more difficult that are the real assholes.