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At this point in life I'm not quite sure where I'm going, what I want, or if I'll even recognize it when I get there. Yet at the same time I know I do not want the reality I currently find myself in. It is not a matter of being terribly depressed, it is more of a keen realization that this path will only lead to more of the same "so-so" mediocrity I view the world with. I feel like there is something within me to do so much more for myself. It's mostly the whole job situation that is bothering me most of all. A job is just a job, but when it's something you do all year long shouldn't there be some sense of satisfaction? And I don't just mean a paycheck, money really is not that important to me like some other people. Actually the level of greed and materialism in society disturbs me at times, there are more important aspects to life than "things".

Even considering that, it's like I always had this idea that I'd just be another suit, and for some time it seemed like I was okay with it. I remember thinking (knowing?) that in high school, I'd go to college for business and make my way in the world like anyone else. But now being a little older, done with school, working in corporate offices feeling like just another worthless number in some cubicle in a cold skyscraper it's all just, there. Life is so unremarkable it seems like I could go into a coma for a year and when I came out everyone and everything would be right where it left off. The same ride into the emotionless steel towers downtown, watching men and women in business attire wear their fake smiles and give out their fake handshakes, the familiar "good morning how are you?" being more of a robotic sound clip than a genuine sentiment. Calls, emails, meetings, that mostly never seemed to say all that much. Answering questions for the 100th time to peers who were somehow still employed. A sinking feeling knowing it would be like this all day, all month, all year, forever.

So after getting to where I thought I was supposed to be all along, I slowly realized I can't do this anymore. I mean, my mind can do it all very well, better than most in fact. But my soul felt like it was being ground down day after day. That freedom I used to feel within me had been stripped away. And it is not just a matter of having to go to work. It's a matter of having to do the type of work the rest of my life that quite frankly means nothing to me, that I'm in no way proud of, that in no way utilizes my creativity and spirit, and knowing that as a fact just crushes me inside. I must have jogged my mind around the concept a million times in an attempt to convince myself it wasn't so bad. But is there much else worse than wasting your life for the benefit or someone or something that you do not identify with at all?

Recognizing this, I have determined that the only way ahead is to work for myself. The work of course needs to be driven by profit. But the most important thing is that I am in charge, I determine the success or failure of this, on my own terms. With this I'm going to say my 9 to 5 can go to hell as of right now, I'm taking all the money I saved and going to work for me. Maybe I went to school for business for something after all, strange as I've been thinking I screwed up with that choice.

I've already found some products I can order from Asia and easily resell with a markup of 20%+ on eBay according to recent auction histories. You figure the entire time from a bulk wholesale order on your side, you receiving the product, to end customer delivery via auction is somewhere in the neighborhood of 2-4 weeks generally. Thus, for every $1,000 invested you should see a return of approximately $1,200 by a months time assuming all went smoothly. I recognize the potential for failure is large. That I could lose quite a bit of cash. I'm going to start small to make sure the plan is solid then expand if initial success is achieved, or try to determine what the issue may be if things aren't going as planned.

I just can't keep putting on the suit and tie, at least not until I try to do something on my own terms using my own ideas for what is best. It is no future for me.
 
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