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1. 18 second world title losses at WrestleMania no longer count. By Daniel Bryan's logic, neither should 45 second world title wins at TLC.
2. AJ Lee is a very confused, and quite frankly, not very intelligent woman. But she can slap the shit out of you if messed with. Kaitlyn had the misfortune of catching her during that time of the month.
3. The Teddy Table, as ridiculous as it may be, is still an improvement over The Cole Mine.
4. Damien Sandow had his fourth and final viginette this week. His promo's message? Something about enlightenment, Buddha, and catchphrases that suck. I'd say more, but I was too simple-minded to comprehend the rest of his speech.
5. Alicia Fox used a move from "The Matrix" to battle The Bella Twins. The actual Matrix trilogy features a pair of twins. Does that mean Booker T is Morpheus?
6. When it comes to tag team matches, Mexicans pretending to be trashy Mexicans will always triumph over Samoans pretending to be black.
7. Cody Rhodes jobbed cleanly to The Great Khali. This is what happens when you forget to sing "Happy Birthday" to John Cena on Raw.
8. Hey Aksana, it took you 9 months to figure out Teddy Long is a 64 year old grandfather? Tell me more about how his sagging junk didn't give it away.
9. Jacob Kaye has more potential in his left pinky than Barry Stevens, Benny Camer, and Danny Lerman combined. He's the future of this industry. No shit.
10. Teddy Long's guest spot as commentator consisted of him sitting at a table, barely speaking, and letting the matches happen. By default, he's the best commentator WWE has given us in years.
11. According to Michael Cole, Ezekiel Jackson and Yoshi Tatsu are the "Rush Hour" team of WWE. Sorry, but unless I see Big Zeke sing "Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough", I ain't convinced.
12. If Jinder Mahal was richer than Randy Orton, he'd have a top spot in the company, rather than be a jobber. If Jinder Mahal was hungrier than Randy Orton first, instead of vice-versa. And if Jinder Mahal was smarter than Randy Orton, he would have hauled his Kwik-E Mart ass out of the ring the moment Orton said "Wait a second."
13.Tyson Kidd's testices now rival Dolph Ziggler in the selling department.
14. A yellow-and-black Mark Heny fought a red-and-white Sheamus in the main-event tonight, complete with a neon blue background. Careful children, this may cause seizures.
15. David Otunga missed both Raw AND SmackDown this week due to a lack of coffee. It had absolutely nothing to do with his wife going to court.
2. AJ Lee is a very confused, and quite frankly, not very intelligent woman. But she can slap the shit out of you if messed with. Kaitlyn had the misfortune of catching her during that time of the month.
3. The Teddy Table, as ridiculous as it may be, is still an improvement over The Cole Mine.
4. Damien Sandow had his fourth and final viginette this week. His promo's message? Something about enlightenment, Buddha, and catchphrases that suck. I'd say more, but I was too simple-minded to comprehend the rest of his speech.
5. Alicia Fox used a move from "The Matrix" to battle The Bella Twins. The actual Matrix trilogy features a pair of twins. Does that mean Booker T is Morpheus?
6. When it comes to tag team matches, Mexicans pretending to be trashy Mexicans will always triumph over Samoans pretending to be black.
7. Cody Rhodes jobbed cleanly to The Great Khali. This is what happens when you forget to sing "Happy Birthday" to John Cena on Raw.
8. Hey Aksana, it took you 9 months to figure out Teddy Long is a 64 year old grandfather? Tell me more about how his sagging junk didn't give it away.
9. Jacob Kaye has more potential in his left pinky than Barry Stevens, Benny Camer, and Danny Lerman combined. He's the future of this industry. No shit.
10. Teddy Long's guest spot as commentator consisted of him sitting at a table, barely speaking, and letting the matches happen. By default, he's the best commentator WWE has given us in years.
11. According to Michael Cole, Ezekiel Jackson and Yoshi Tatsu are the "Rush Hour" team of WWE. Sorry, but unless I see Big Zeke sing "Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough", I ain't convinced.
12. If Jinder Mahal was richer than Randy Orton, he'd have a top spot in the company, rather than be a jobber. If Jinder Mahal was hungrier than Randy Orton first, instead of vice-versa. And if Jinder Mahal was smarter than Randy Orton, he would have hauled his Kwik-E Mart ass out of the ring the moment Orton said "Wait a second."
13.Tyson Kidd's testices now rival Dolph Ziggler in the selling department.
14. A yellow-and-black Mark Heny fought a red-and-white Sheamus in the main-event tonight, complete with a neon blue background. Careful children, this may cause seizures.
15. David Otunga missed both Raw AND SmackDown this week due to a lack of coffee. It had absolutely nothing to do with his wife going to court.
