1. Some people would say that John Cena pwned The Rock by bringing back his The Doctor of Thuganomics. Problem is, the idea of The Rock...as Rocky Mavia...taking a shit in the middle of the ring...is STILL more entertaining than Cena when he actually WAS a rapper.
2. After 2 men beat the hell out of each other in a steel cage chamber, the most logical thing to do is have them face each other in a singles match 24 hours later. John Morrison's hurt leg may not be real, but CM Punk's ass rape looks legit.
3. CM Punk assumed that Randy Orton was crippled after the Elimination Chamber match. What he forgot to realize is that like Cena's bowl of Fruity Pebbles, Orton's baby oil has the power to turn him back into a superman 24 hours after a PPV.
4. For those of you that didn't watch Raw tonight....IT WAS STING!
5. The Bella Twins, having grown tired of chasing vegan penis, after looking for some gold. Interesting. Maybe if one of them wins the Divas title, they'll pull a LayCool and destroy the butterfly as well. No titles means no Divas division, and the tag team matches can officially become the new piss breaks.
6. His name is Alberto Del Rio, and he's a SmackDown superstar that randomly shows up on Raw every single fucking week. But you already know that.
7. I'm starting to wonder if that guy from creative is just pissed Sheamus didn't offer him a blowjob, because once again the King of the Ring jobbed to Sexual Chocolate. Kool Aid 2. Mayonaise 0.
8. Daniel Bryan couldn't look Sheamus in the face. It's not because he's afraid, but because being a vegan, Sheamus's neck reminded him of tasty cauliflower.
9. The easiest way to challenge The Undertaker for his streak on the grandest stage of them all is to simply walk into the ring, don't say shit, stare into the abyss, and crotch chop your nuts. It's so easy, a dead man could do it.
10. If Jerry Lawler lays a finger on Michael Cole, then he's fired. But if Jerry Lawler lays all 10 fingers on Michael Cole, shit dosen't compute, and the stipulation gets cancelled out.
11. Michael Cole's plastic cup of unidentified drink > CM Punk's can of hairspray > Wade Barret's glass of "delicious" Fiji water (it's not the same thing).
12. If John Cena and The Miz are the PG reincarnation of The Rock n' Sock Connection, then I can see why. Cena is about entertaining as a rock, and when things go A-Ry, Miz uses a sock.
13. Ladies and gentlemen, you're new WWE Tag Team Cha....oh...that didn't last long.
14. Did any of us ever think in a million years that Heath Slater would hold THREE title reigns before Wade Barrett even held one? Of course not. But who knows? Maybe he payed Vince off with a Wendys cheeseburger.
15. P.S. If anybody actually believed me and thought it was Sting, there's no hope for you. IT WAS RIKISHI! HE DID IT FOR THE ROCK!