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    Cahill's needed waterboarded for about eighteen months. At least.

    You think Roman's getting ready to exhume Guus already? Conte doesn't last the season?
    On Alexis; I've been saying for a couple years now that I'd like for us to try a similar transfer approach to Dortmund, where we buy young and see develop. I mean, some are bound to pan out, right (RIGHT)? We have the resources (you'd think) to supplement that with a big money established star per summer as well, and the squad is ageing so blow it up and start over. Fuck it.

    So for Alexis I'm all in on these Malcom links. We won't replace him like for like ability-wise, because he's top 5 in the world in his position and no replacement on that level is available. I think we need two wide men anyway, and Malcom is direct, doesn't seem to persist on dropping deep every attack, and if he can work on the questionable shot selection I'd be really happy with that signing. For the other...maybe Mahrez, I guess? Leon Bailey might still be a wee bit raw, but I'd love for us to be in for him. Lemar isn't worth £90m but he's a wonderful wee fitba player and I'd be happy with him, too.
    I'm hesitant to say this because of how FOOLISH I'll probably end up looking, but I honestly feel like we might be able to keep Ozil. His PR team is fantastic and he knows how to keep Arsenal fans on his side in a way Alexis doesn't care to, but I think he's genuinely happy in London and if we offered him around about what he wants he'd stay.

    I am now prepared to be haunted by the image of him doing his little celebration at the Emirates...as he scores for United :hoganars
    Easy to say in hindsight, but of the Monaco centre mids from last season, Fabinho is probably the one someone should've thrown that 30 milly at (or however much it was).

    I think the Kalou thing is some dumb Arsenal twitter horse shittery but we've been linked with him in some way or another since about 1997. It's hard to tell what's dumb Arsenal twitter horse shittery and what's legit Arsenal horse shittery at this point. Maybe there is no difference.
    Felt like he's been pure fewmin' with the way the club's handled transfers for a while. There was this ridiculousness a few weeks ago where apparently whoever was in charge of transfers other than Conte was looking at trying to bring in Andy Carroll because Conte wanted another option up front. I mean, that's probably absolute nonsense, but it's at a point where some folk are actually half-buying it. As if Conte's told whoever Chelsea's Woodward/Law is that he wants a striker and they've gone "I think Andy Carroll would be the ideal option!"

    Meanwhile we're working on a deal to bring in Salomon Kalou as an Alexis replacement. So you could always have it worse, I suppose.

    (I had to break this into two messages because apparently Platt's decided to limit me to 1000 characters. Fuckin usual)
    You're actually expecting him to go? I haven't been paying a ton of attention to the Chelsea situation because our own situation depresses me enough, but I was kind of wondering if there might've at least been a hint of it. Looking a little deeper, though, it seems a fair number of Chelsea fans genuinely expect it now.

    You've been really flat the last few games, other than the 2-2 at the Emirates which doesn't even count because every Arsenal game is carnage at this point, and I'm not sure why he persists on being so cautious. A lot of the time it's felt like the main tactic is give the ball to Hazard and hope he can do a magic. I like Morata a lot, but his confidence looks dinged to bits right now as well. You think Bakayoko was one of "his" signings? I'd imagine he was and I think there's something there with him, but most of the games I've watched him in he gets dragged all over the place, and when he's good I'm not entirely sure what he offers that Kante doesn't.
    Joey. Brother. Allow me to step away from my own team's misery for a second and ask:

    Is big Antonio basically pissing around for the next five months while he listens to those PSG fellas whisper sweet nothings in his ear? Is he inclined to listen? Is he wondering how he might be able to take Kante with him?
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