WWE The Most Superduper Of All Showdowns
So, another user recently posted about a fantasy Attitude Era vs. Current Era card which got me thinking about how I’d book things. However, whereas he was looking at things in a purely fantastical way like Chyna vs. Ronda Rousey; I'm going to take a different approach and book this thing as if it could actually happen. So I won't be using those who have unfortunately passed away, or we know can't wrestle anymore for sure (like Bret Hart), or those currently in AEW (so sadly, no Y2J bay-bay.) I’m also not including any former WCW talent, so forget about Goldberg or Sting lacing up their boots.WWE: THE MOST SUPERDUPER OF ALL SHOWDOWNS
Basically, the Saudis have given me all the money and all the time in the world to put on an Attitude Era vs. Current Era WrestleMania sized card, so here's what I give them.
~THE FIGHT THAT IS SEVENTEEN YEARS IN THE MAKING~
‘The Texas Rattlesnake’ Stone Cold Steve Austin Vs. ‘The Beast Incarnate’ Brock Lesnar
Brock's obviously going to want that Arab money, and if there's one guy he could face that he hasn't yet, it's Austin. Although Brock debuted in 2002 at the very tail end of the Attitude Era, he's arguably the current face of the company, so I think we can get away with positioning him as being of this ‘era’ than that time. To protect Austin, I'd keep this as a street fight: let the two brawl in and out of the ring, use weapons, but ultimately have Brock put The Rattlesnake away with the F-5 and get the win he was due to get seventeen years ago.
Winner: Brock Lesnar
‘The People’s Champion’ The Rock Vs. ‘The Big Dog’ Roman Reigns
Again, we need an opponent for Reigns that he hasn’t faced yet and who better than family member Dwayne Johnson a.k.a The Jabroni Beating, Pie Eating, Trail Blazing Eyebrow Raising People’s Champ The Rock? A hard hitting affair that probably sees both men kick out of each other’s finishers about three times at least, since WWE loves finisher spam fests these days, and as we’ve got Austin going down to Brock; we’re going to have Rocky go over here. Besides, Roman’s already beaten Brock, Taker, Cena, Triple H and countless others while Rock has beaten Austin, Cena and Hogan...I don’t think it hurts Roman to take the L here.
Winner: The Rock
~A PHENOMENAL SHOWSTOPPER~
‘The Phenomenal’ AJ Styles Vs. ‘The Heartbreak Kid’ Shawn Michaels
This one is a given, obviously. Arguably WWE’s best worker of all time, let alone The Attitude Era, Shawn Michaels, takes on one of the greatest in the world today, a man who is often compared to him, AJ Styles. This would be your ‘workhorse’, hopefully show-stealing match that sees AJ go over, considering Shawn made more of a name for himself in losses than victories over the years.
Winner: AJ Styles
~MASTER VS. STUDENT~
‘The Game’ Triple H Vs. ‘The Architect’ Seth Rollins
I know, we’ve seen this one already. But we’ve not seen it in the context of the Attitude Era vs. Today. Not to mention, Seth has arguably grown considerably as a babyface since his initial feud with The Game and it’s been a few years so we could revisit the rivalry for the sake of giving these two a spot on the card where it feels like they belong. Despite being known for asking, “am I fucking going over?” in his heyday, these days the NXT mastermind is known for wanting to put his boys over, so I’d fully expect Rollins to pick up the win.
Winner: Seth Rollins
‘The Olympic Hero’ Kurt Angle Vs. ‘The GOAT’ Daniel Bryan
Okay, so it wouldn’t be the technical masterpiece that it could’ve been years ago and Angle is retired. But it’s a dream card and it’s money. However, I’m trying to find the ‘equals’ of guys in the Attitude Era to now, and as we’ve got Rollins and AJ busy with other opponents, Bryan is next logical choice to face Kurt Angle. Angle was the milk-drinking dork who turned into The Wrestling Machine, while Bryan is the goat-beard vegan who then became the leader of The Yes! Movement and overcame The Authority. Besides, Bryan is quite a safe worker for Angle to be paired with. Considering how much it SUCKED to see Angle lose to Baron Corbin of all people and the way he’s been booked like garbage since his return to WWE, and that I don’t see it hurting Bryan to tap out to the Ankle Lock, I’m giving Angle the W here.
Winner: Kurt Angle
~DEMON VS. DEADMAN~
‘The Demon’ Finn Bálor Vs. ‘The Phenom’ The Undertaker
I know some won’t see the logic in picking Finn as Taker’s opponent here, as he’s nowhere near being Taker’s ‘equal’, but look at the available rosters and you’ll have a hard time finding anyone to slot in this position, IMO. You could go down the Bray Wyatt route, and I did even consider the possibility of Bray and Finn taking on Kane and Undertaker. However, in the end I decided I want to keep Taker away from Bray as we’ve already got a rematch on the card with Seth facing Triple H, and because the prospect of this match does somewhat interest me, and much more than Bray/Finn against BOD. Taker can barely work these days anyway, so we need to put him in there with someone who can go like Finn, and someone small like Finn who Taker can easily scoop up for his big power moves. Finn to come out as The Demon for a cool standoff with The Deadman. Finn to run circles around Taker, but ultimately be put to rest with the Tombstone Piledriver.
Winner: The Undertaker
~TAG TEAM WARFARE~
The Hardy Boys and The Dudleys (Bubba, D-Von and Spike) Vs. The Usos and The New Day (Kofi, Big E & Woods)
Originally, I had The A.P.A mapped out as the third team on The Attitude Era side to make theirs a six-man team, but then felt it would be a bit weird to add someone to the Current Era side who wasn’t in a tag team. So, if he’s available I’d maybe bring out Spike Dudley as a surprise fifth man for this match. If not, I would maybe consider Bradshaw or Ron Simmons under their A.P.A persona. And yes, I know Kofi is the current WWE Champion, but on this show this is where he fits and if we’re going to play that game, Jeff Hardy is a former multi-time world champion but he’s still here too. Anyway, we’re going for a mixture of wins between AE and Current Day on this show and this is one match where I feel it could go either way. My gut feeling, however, is for the old-school boys to get the win here.
Winners: The Hardy Boys and The Dudleys
‘The Big Red Machine’ Kane Vs. ‘The Monster Among Men’ Braun Strowman
I had a hard time trying to figure out this one, mainly because Big Show was also around in the Attitude Era. However, I’ve disqualified him for a number of reasons. One, because he was also in WCW for a time before coming to WWF, and two, because despite being a giant, he spent more time goofing around than Kane did. Three, because fuck you. Anyway, despite my enduring fondness for the original Big Red Machine of 1997, Braun would have to go over.
Winner: Braun Strowman
~20/30/40 Man ROYAL RUMBLE~
Including names from both The Attitude Era and the Current Roster
You just know this would happen. WWE love a good battle royal to get all their guys on the card, and it would be a fun way to get some old names back in the ring for a short time. I’ve deliberately chosen a Royal Rumble style battle royal as opposed to a traditional battle royal where everyone starts in the ring for the sake of those good ol’ fashioned countdowns from 10 that lead to a surprise at the entrance stage.
Winner: I don’t care, but probably a nostalgia act for the pop and because battle royals mean jack shit so you can give them a win anyway without it hurting anyone
(if it’s even allowed)
~THE TRAILBLAZERS OF THEN VS. THE TRAILBLAZERS NOW~
Trish Stratus & Lita Vs. Becky Lynch & Ronda Rousey OR Charlotte
Not only does this work because it’s billed as the girls who broke through the ceilings back in the Attitude Era like Trish and Lita, but also because it pits former bitter enemies together in a tag team. Now, originally I had Ronda Rousey pencilled in as Becky’s partner, but this is WWE, so you know they’d be tempted to find a way to shoehorn Charlotte into this match. And, despite what most people say, Charlotte is a great performer and has been the face of the Women’s Division of today for quite some time, so she wouldn’t feel out of place in this match. Despite Trish and Lita putting up a good fight, I’d have the girls of today go ever with a handshake at the end to cement how much women’s wrestling has ‘evolved’ since The Attitude Era.
Winners: Becky Lynch & Ronda Rousey OR Charlotte
That’s all I’ve got. You may be wondering where the likes of Randy Orton and John Cena are. Well, I thought it would be a bit odd to put up Cena against any Attitude Era star he hasn’t already faced, and besides that, both men belong to that odd period where they’re not quite Attitude Era stars, but they’re not so relevant as stars of ‘today’ anymore either. If they had to be on the card, I’d probably have them appear in the Royal Rumble.
So what do you think? Like it? Hate it?