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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-26-2014, 06:30 PM Thread Starter
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Critique my novel plot

I'm writing a novel series in the sci-fi and fantasy genre. Any legit criticism would be appreciated..

I'm writing a science-fiction/fantasy genre novel series at present called Technology vs Beast. The name is subject to change. I wanted to share the plot with the community in order to get opinions, criticisms and advice in the field of writing. Any contributions to this thread are much appreciated.

Five hundred years before the start of the story, a group of religious scientists came together in the city of New Hope, the spiritual capital of the world. As far as the public knew, their aim was to come to an understanding on their differing beliefs in order to promote tolerance and enlightenment. But their actual goal was quite different.

Their actual plan was to create a God with their own hands. They thought that humanity needed this in order for all people to come together. The details of how to do it were unable to be agreed upon by the men, and they resolved to allow their creation to make that decision.

Secretly using government funding, they began to build a mechanized deity. The result of their labor was the super mech (or gundam if you will) Adrastos. Adrastos was instilled with a technology that allowed it to have the knowledge of everything that happened in the world up to the time it was created and every thing that would happen up until the time it would awaken.

The scientists programmed him to slumber for one hundred years and awaken in the future on the anniversary of its creation. On that day, it would decide the fate of all the worlds inhabitants. Shipped off into The Worlds Above ( story version of outer space), the scientists masked their work by introducing an army of mechs that were provided to any military willing to pay for them.

In the fifty years after the creation of Adrastos, mechs became so common to the point that there were theme parks where people could fight mechs for recreation and even sports leagues.

Eventually, the time came for Adrastos to awaken and so it did. Having slumbered for one hundred years, all knowledge happening on the Inhabited Spectrum was downloaded into its systems. It began to immediately undertake its purpose.

Adrastos resolved that the best thing it could do to lead humanity was to destroy it and repopulate Inhabited Spectrum with existences like itself, that all creation would be as God. A crystallized orb meant for serving its purposes was removed from its chest panel. It used those to create twelve powerful but lesser beings that were equal to each other and less than Adrastos.

Their purpose was to slumber until such time that twelve denizens on Inhabited Spectrum of pure heart, whether it be good or evil, came to exist. They would bond with those twelve chosen until such time that the bond was powerful enough to allow them to absorb them.

When all twelves bonds were realized, the bonded would come together and form one super weapon that Adrastos would use to destroy everyone and reanimate them as a mechanized Demi God.

Four hundred years after the awakening of Adrastos, a group referring to themselves as Acolytes arrived on Inhabited Spectrum from another world. They claim to have come because their world was no longer inhabitable. The Acolytes claimed they only wanted peace.

The Enlightened Brigade, a government organization that saw over all major world affairs, presented the Acolytes with two options: leave in peace or face mass extermination. The God of the Acolytes, Gerphalt, resolved to declare war on The Enlightened Brigade and liberate both Acolytes and Inhabitants from their influence.

Having come to know of the Acolytes arrival and the war on Inhabited Spectrum, Adrastos decided to use this to further his plans. This was made possible when the first of his twelve creations came into contact with its chosen one.

Adrastos began to search out the chosen ones remaining in order to bring them together with his creations, dubbed the Holy Flashes. If successful, Adrastos will use the war to bring about the end of all life as Inhabitants and Acolytes know it and usher in a new age.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-26-2014, 06:39 PM
 
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Re: Critique my novel plot

Not in a place to judge even though I'm writing my own stories, but I like this. A little complicated at the end, but this definitely peaked my interest.

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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-26-2014, 06:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Critique my novel plot

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Originally Posted by Undertaker23RKO View Post
Not in a place to judge even though I'm writing my own stories, but I like this. A little complicated at the end, but this definitely peaked my interest.
All opinions are welcome so thanks. What seems complicated to you?
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-26-2014, 06:44 PM
 
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Re: Critique my novel plot

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All opinions are welcome so thanks. What seems complicated to you?
Combo of Acolytes, Adrostos, Enlightened Brigade. I only read it once but I bet if I read it over again I'd get it better.

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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-26-2014, 11:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Critique my novel plot

I see. What about it came across as confusing?
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