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CaZXL AKA Big Cas Addresses Dealing With Depression and Anxiety, How His ACL Made Him an Emotional Wreck, His WWE Release, Nearly Dying From a Seizure
– Earlier today the DDP Yoga channel released a new video featuring CaZXL, aka former WWE Superstar Big Cass. CaZXL addresses how he suffered from a deep depression that goes back for years and how it only got worse after he suffered his torn ACL injury. He reveals he suffered a seizure when he was self-medicating with alcohol and nearly died after suffering a seizure at a wrestling event.
Thankfully, CaZXL appears to be doing a lot better now and is living clean and sober and focusing on his mental health. Below are some highlights and a video of him discussing dealing with depression and anxiety.
CaZXL on making it to WWE: “I always dreamed of being a wrestler. I always dreamed of being in WWE. That was what I always wanted to do. I was always unsure of myself. Never 100 percent confident, but you do start to gain confidence the more success you’re having, the more people say you’re doing well. Sold out the Barclay Center in 2015. Crazy, crazy ovation when we came out, and from there out, that’s when I think that WWE might’ve decided, ‘We’re going to have to bring these guys up at some point in the next year.’ Two nights before WrestleMania after the TakeOver show in Dallas, Hunter [Triple H] came up to me and Enzo and said, ‘Hey, can you guys stick around?’ We were like, ‘Uh, OK.’ Told us we were going to debut on Raw that Monday, and like awesome. We went out there. Everybody knew every word. Came to the back, got a standing ovation from everybody in guerrilla position. Off the races from there.”
On dealing with depression: “Being depressed is one thing. Having depression on a daily basis is something different. Anyone that looks at them like they’re weak or a crybaby or whatever, that person is ignorant. ‘Why is this person upset? He has money. He has everything he dreamed of since he was a little kid doing wrestling matches in his bedroom.’ But man, that don’t mean fuck-all when you’re not well here man. Don’t mean anything. It’s hard to tell people about it because who knows what they are going to say. ‘You’re looking for attention. You have everything you ever wanted. You’re just seeking more attention,’ or whatever it is. So, you don’t tell anyone. You keep it to yourself. Dealing with that on a daily basis, TV’s were the worst for me because of anxiety. I had always had it, and it kind of ramped up after the debut. You don’t really tell anybody, and you try to hide it deep down, which is the worst thing that you can do. I had no medication, I had no means of talk — I had no one to talk to. I didn’t seek help for years. I self-medicated with alcohol. I was in my hotel room, and it was just — everything was going crazy, just depressed anxiety. Couldn’t fall asleep, just went to the bars trying to drink bears and just couldn’t really fall asleep. When I woke up, I was like, ‘I wish that God had just taken me in my sleep.’ Why am I thinking this? I had no idea. I was just so down so down that I was like, ‘I wish that I wouldn’t be alive today. I wish that I just would not have woken up.'”
CaZXL on his ACL injury: “But then I gotta go to work. So, I went to work, and I had a match against Enzo and tore my ACL. I got emotional. I was just a wreck man. I was just a complete and utter wreck. I didn’t know who to look to. Is god up there? Why would you do this after all that I’ve been going through? I don’t know how I’m alive today. Just the amount that I was drinking was ridiculous. The food that I was putting into my body was ridiculous. No physical activity. Chain smoking cigarettes. Like I said, the amount of alcohol that I was putting into my body on certain days, I don’t know how I’m alive right now.”
On getting let go by WWE: “When you’re making mistakes like that, you gotta go. And boy, did they [WWE] have every right int he world to get rid of me. And then I went to do that House of Hardcore show in Philadelphia. At that point in time going into the show, I hadn’t slept in two days. Two full days. And I know people say, ‘I haven’t slept in two days.’ And they slept like an hour here or there. I literally mean I hadn’t slept a second in two days. Don’t remember walking out through the curtain. Don’t remember going to the autograph table. Came to in the ambulance. And they told me, ‘You had a seizure.’ I’m like, ‘I’m not epileptic. I never had any issues with that.’ And I took that as a sign from God. God spoke to me that day. He was saying, ‘You wanna live this life? Well, you’re gonna end up dead. OK? So taste this because this is where your life is heading.’ I could have died that night. That’s what I was told in the ER. And I enacted change man.”
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