Cena is a fat kid at the end of a chocolate assembly line with his mouth open. - Wrestling Forum : WWE, TNA, Debate League, Wrestling Videos, Women of Wrestling Forums
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-05-2013, 03:43 AM Thread Starter
Learning to break kayfabe
 
Pervythemilkman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 49
Points: 0
   
Cena is a fat kid at the end of a chocolate assembly line with his mouth open.



Yep.

Typical Cena night:

*Puts on millions of merch items*
*Runs out and waves to the camera*
"Hi mom! We sure have a crowd tonight, phew! Time to go to work!"
*Salutes and jogs slowly down the aisle*
Rrrrrrramuuundoooo!!!!
*Throws up Illuminati sign in the air*
(Hm, look at all those kids in the audience wearing my merch! No, in fact, I don't see kids, I see money, money, dollar signs, dollar signs)
*Audience boos*
"Well, what a crowd we have tonight on Monday Night Rrrraaaawwww!!!"
*More boos*
"I promise to win this next match, because I never back down from a fight, if u want some come get some!"
*BORING BORING BORING BORING*
*Cena stops talking and holds up the mic to the audience*
"That's what I love about the WWE Universe! You guys have so much passion and you pay to speak your mind!"
*Cena wrestles a 5 minute match, wins with the 5 moves of doom and AA, acts surprised when he wins, throws up Illuminati sign again*
(Guess I get another title shot for beating Darren Young! Woo hoo! Payday!)
*Exists arena with dumb cheesy smile on face, salutes*
"See you next week folks!"

The guy just doesn't get it. You're not playing yourself when you're a wrestler. You're playing a character. it's the same as a television sitcom, drama, etc. Neil Patrick Harris doesn't really sleep with a ton of women. Just like Cena isn't a bad guy in real life. We get that. The business is about entertaining people. That's the bottom line. If you're not doing that, then there's obviously something wrong, especially when the audience starts chanting BORING at you. We've just been seeing the same damn thing for 8 fucking years. It's time to change it up. Don't play yourself. Nobody wants to see the real John Cena. CM Punk is the only other guy who comes close to playing himself, but even his character has evolved and changed over the years to avoid getting stale.

Honestly, a heel turn needs to happen. I don't give a shit about the charities. You can still do that as a heel. Does Cena not know what kayfabe is? Being a bad guy on screen does not make you a bad guy in real life. I just honestly don't think he understand the business, or the fans. The guy has lost it. He's out of touch. Maybe he's blinded by his endless merch sales, title shots, being the face of the company... Look at what a heel turn did for Hogan's career when he was in the same position. But I guess Cena is too content. And who wouldn't be? I certainly wouldn't turn down 35 million dollars to play the same stupid ass goofy character every night.



I guess it just means more to him than the quality of the product. And this is why people hate him.

Ideally, I'd love to see him lose on Sunday, be devastated by the loss, break down and turn heel. Start attacking everyone backstage. This could be a great chance to build up your faces. Have him attack Kofi And Miz. Have him absolutely destroy them. Then Ryback comes and makes the save. Then make a fatal 4 way to determine who will face Rock at extreme rules. Cena wins of course. Then he cuts an awesome heel promo, blaming the fans for his loss at Mania, blaming the Rock, and says it's time for him to stop caring about the people and start caring about his own legacy. He's sick of being the squeaky clean corporate boy. And nobody is going to stand in his way anymore. He could even bring back the padlock chain and start attacking people with it, getting dirty victories with it, etc. His dominance could continue for a long time, all while building up faces and building the anticipation for someone to finally knock him down, just like Cena did to JBL years ago.

But of course, that's never going to happen, and Cena is going to keep stuffing his face with chocolate.

Not removing until:
[] Cena breaks Undertaker's streak
[] Cena turns heel and becomes interesting again
[] CM Punk Becomes WWE Champion again
[] Vince McMahon gives the company to HHH
[] WWE stops hiring soap opera writers
[] The PG era ends
[] WWE stops force feeding us boring ass faces like Shaemus and Rybotch
[] I actually care about the midcard again (read: fire Cesaro)
Pervythemilkman is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-05-2013, 03:47 AM
Celestial Messiah
 
reDREDD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 33,588
Points: 0
                     
Re: Cena is a fat kid at the end of a chocolate assembly line with his mouth open.

youd think people would get bored of making this thread. I mean its been like 8 years

but still, thumbs up for the chocolate analogy

reDREDD is offline  
post #3 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-05-2013, 03:49 AM
Asking SCOTT STEINER for Wrestling Advice
 
fastfrosty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 403
Points: 0
   
Re: Cena is a fat kid at the end of a chocolate assembly line with his mouth open.

Illuminati sign?

1. wtf is with the title
2. give me the drugs you're taking, they seem to work
3. Alan Jones is a psychopath. He could have a 'hunch' about you and see you eating a salad sandwich and then go tell everyone you're chopping up live dogs and eating them. This illuminati stuff is the same.

Chocolate? Wut da heyyulll

Hate when children steal my sig. Find your own
fastfrosty is offline  
post #4 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-05-2013, 03:57 AM
Asking SCOTT STEINER for Wrestling Advice
 
BikerTaker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Mumbai, India
Posts: 496
Points: 3
           
Re: Cena is a fat kid at the end of a chocolate assembly line with his mouth open.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pervythemilkman View Post


Yep.

Typical Cena night:

*Puts on millions of merch items*
*Runs out and waves to the camera*
"Hi mom! We sure have a crowd tonight, phew! Time to go to work!"
*Salutes and jogs slowly down the aisle*
Rrrrrrramuuundoooo!!!!
*Throws up Illuminati sign in the air*
(Hm, look at all those kids in the audience wearing my merch! No, in fact, I don't see kids, I see money, money, dollar signs, dollar signs)
*Audience boos*
"Well, what a crowd we have tonight on Monday Night Rrrraaaawwww!!!"
*More boos*
"I promise to win this next match, because I never back down from a fight, if u want some come get some!"
*BORING BORING BORING BORING*
*Cena stops talking and holds up the mic to the audience*
"That's what I love about the WWE Universe! You guys have so much passion and you pay to speak your mind!"
*Cena wrestles a 5 minute match, wins with the 5 moves of doom and AA, acts surprised when he wins, throws up Illuminati sign again*
(Guess I get another title shot for beating Darren Young! Woo hoo! Payday!)
*Exists arena with dumb cheesy smile on face, salutes*
"See you next week folks!"

The guy just doesn't get it. You're not playing yourself when you're a wrestler. You're playing a character. it's the same as a television sitcom, drama, etc. Neil Patrick Harris doesn't really sleep with a ton of women. Just like Cena isn't a bad guy in real life. We get that. The business is about entertaining people. That's the bottom line. If you're not doing that, then there's obviously something wrong, especially when the audience starts chanting BORING at you. We've just been seeing the same damn thing for 8 fucking years. It's time to change it up. Don't play yourself. Nobody wants to see the real John Cena. CM Punk is the only other guy who comes close to playing himself, but even his character has evolved and changed over the years to avoid getting stale.

Honestly, a heel turn needs to happen. I don't give a shit about the charities. You can still do that as a heel. Does Cena not know what kayfabe is? Being a bad guy on screen does not make you a bad guy in real life. I just honestly don't think he understand the business, or the fans. The guy has lost it. He's out of touch. Maybe he's blinded by his endless merch sales, title shots, being the face of the company... Look at what a heel turn did for Hogan's career when he was in the same position. But I guess Cena is too content. And who wouldn't be? I certainly wouldn't turn down 35 million dollars to play the same stupid ass goofy character every night.



I guess it just means more to him than the quality of the product. And this is why people hate him.

Ideally, I'd love to see him lose on Sunday, be devastated by the loss, break down and turn heel. Start attacking everyone backstage. This could be a great chance to build up your faces. Have him attack Kofi And Miz. Have him absolutely destroy them. Then Ryback comes and makes the save. Then make a fatal 4 way to determine who will face Rock at extreme rules. Cena wins of course. Then he cuts an awesome heel promo, blaming the fans for his loss at Mania, blaming the Rock, and says it's time for him to stop caring about the people and start caring about his own legacy. He's sick of being the squeaky clean corporate boy. And nobody is going to stand in his way anymore. He could even bring back the padlock chain and start attacking people with it, getting dirty victories with it, etc. His dominance could continue for a long time, all while building up faces and building the anticipation for someone to finally knock him down, just like Cena did to JBL years ago.

But of course, that's never going to happen, and Cena is going to keep stuffing his face with chocolate.
you've hit the nail on the head... his time is not now... it's up!
BikerTaker is offline  
post #5 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-05-2013, 03:59 AM
Wheel Man for SCOTT STEINER
 
Smoogle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,405
Points: 305
                   
Re: Cena is a fat kid at the end of a chocolate assembly line with his mouth open.

strange how satisfying that is reading it in john cena voice.
Smoogle is offline  
post #6 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-05-2013, 08:16 AM
Getting ignored by SCOTT STEINER
 
G-Mafia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 808
Points: 61
     
Re: Cena is a fat kid at the end of a chocolate assembly line with his mouth open.

OP is 100% correct. Cena simply sucks. There's no other way to view it at this point.
G-Mafia is offline  
post #7 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-05-2013, 08:39 AM
Wynter's Messy Glorious No Shame Bitch
 
SubZero3:16's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Behind God's Back
Posts: 5,499
Points: 0
                     
Re: Cena is a fat kid at the end of a chocolate assembly line with his mouth open.

I don't think the 'ok' sign qualifies as Illuminati But then again you have bigger problems if you believe in that ish.

We need footage of Dean in Cena's dressing room touching everything and Cena's standing there like
SubZero3:16 is offline  
post #8 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-05-2013, 08:44 AM
Little Poppa Pump
 
wrestlinggameguy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,102
Points: 94
                     
Re: Cena is a fat kid at the end of a chocolate assembly line with his mouth open.

Killuminati

Are you ready? #undisputed

wrestlinggameguy is offline  
post #9 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-05-2013, 08:59 AM
~
 
Alex's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: England
Posts: 4,708
Points: 255
                     
Re: Cena is a fat kid at the end of a chocolate assembly line with his mouth open.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pervythemilkman View Post
Nobody wants to see the real John Cena.
You're wrong about this. Just because the older demographic doesn't necessarily want to see John Cena doesn't mean "nobody" does, your post might come across better if you weren't completely biased and it didn't look like it was typed up by an angry basement-dwelling member of the "IWC". The fact is that people DO want to see John Cena, hell he's been one of, if not the, biggest seller of merchandise for the past 8 years. Although a lot of his promos are catered towards the child demographic (which is done by design, Vince hasn't become a multimillionaire by being a dumb-ass) he's still one of the most charismatic guys on the roster and despite what people say he's a great talent in the ring too.

Quote:
Maybe he's blinded by his endless merch sales, title shots, being the face of the company... Look at what a heel turn did for Hogan's career when he was in the same position. But I guess Cena is too content.
What do you mean he's blinded by it? It's not even his fucking call. Who runs the company? Who has final decision on everything concerning his talents? You should be aiming your insults towards Vince Mcmahon, not John Cena. I'm not even that big of a Cena fan but this post is moronic.

Alex is offline  
post #10 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-05-2013, 09:10 AM
You want it all but you can't have it.
 
Hypno's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Willamette Mall
Posts: 2,986
Points: 0
                     
Re: Cena is a fat kid at the end of a chocolate assembly line with his mouth open.

I really hope the illuminati sign was a joke.


Original Gif Credit = Cleavage
Hypno is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome