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Old 10-06-2012, 11:26 AM   #41 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

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Originally Posted by Modern View Post
Mark Henry is NO joke.
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Old 10-06-2012, 11:45 AM   #42 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

Kelly Kelly returns for one night only with her expose see clip below

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhpyDOIxbSA
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Old 10-06-2012, 11:46 AM   #43 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

Bribe Nielsen for ratings
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Old 10-06-2012, 11:47 AM   #44 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

Vickie Guerrero: Dolph, we have been together for years now, and we should be remembered as the best power couple in WWE history! But there is one problem, all anyone remembers is my ex-husband Edge and his sex celebration with Lita. I want us to...

Dolph Ziggler: Are you trying to say that you want us too...ummm...

Vickie Guerrero: We need to top them! We need a sex celebration of our own!

Dolph Ziggler: Vickie...i'm sorry...i can't do this.

Vickie Guerrero: (starting to get angry) Dolph, you know you need me, i'm the reason you are a former world champion! This WILL happen, and it will HAPPEN tonight! Promise me, NOW!

Dolph Ziggler: ....Vickie...i..uh...promise...there will be...a...a...a....Sex Celebra...tion tonight.

*Later on Raw, a bed is in the ring with a red carpet, all set up for the Vickie/Ziggler sex celebration, both Vickie and Dolph are in the ring*

Vickie: Would you like to do the honors of starting us off, Dolph? *grins*

Vickie gets on the bed, covering herself with the bed sheet.

Dolph hesitantly goes in there and as he uncovers the bed sheet, ITS ACTUALLY KELLY KELLY INSIDE! The crowd goes wild and Dolph Ziggler is surprised and relieved at the same time.

Kelly Kelly: I missed this last time because i was stuck on ECW, but not this time, i always wanted to do this *grins*

Kelly Kelly goes covers herself with the bed sheet this time and Dolph goes to uncover it, revealing....MAE YOUNG INSIDE.

Mae Young: No you bimbo, I always wanted to do this *grins*
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John Morrison wins World Title [ ]

John Cena losses cleanly [X]- Wrestlemania 28 Rock Beats John Cena


John Cena turns heel [ ]

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Daniel Bryan beats a Main Eventer cleanly [ ]

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Old 10-06-2012, 12:12 PM   #45 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shawn Morrison View Post
Vickie Guerrero: Dolph, we have been together for years now, and we should be remembered as the best power couple in WWE history! But there is one problem, all anyone remembers is my ex-husband Edge and his sex celebration with Lita. I want us to...

Dolph Ziggler: Are you trying to say that you want us too...ummm...

Vickie Guerrero: We need to top them! We need a sex celebration of our own!

Dolph Ziggler: Vickie...i'm sorry...i can't do this.

Vickie Guerrero: (starting to get angry) Dolph, you know you need me, i'm the reason you are a former world champion! This WILL happen, and it will HAPPEN tonight! Promise me, NOW!

Dolph Ziggler: ....Vickie...i..uh...promise...there will be...a...a...a....Sex Celebra...tion tonight.

*Later on Raw, a bed is in the ring with a red carpet, all set up for the Vickie/Ziggler sex celebration, both Vickie and Dolph are in the ring*

Vickie: Would you like to do the honors of starting us off, Dolph? *grins*

Vickie gets on the bed, covering herself with the bed sheet.

Dolph hesitantly goes in there and as he uncovers the bed sheet, ITS ACTUALLY KELLY KELLY INSIDE! The crowd goes wild and Dolph Ziggler is surprised and relieved at the same time.

Kelly Kelly: I missed this last time because i was stuck on ECW, but not this time, i always wanted to do this *grins*

Kelly Kelly goes covers herself with the bed sheet this time and Dolph goes to uncover it, revealing....MAE YOUNG INSIDE.

Mae Young: No you bimbo, I always wanted to do this *grins*
A few years ago, this wouldn't have been outside the realms of possibility, haha.

---------------

Vince McMahon: Ladies and gentlemen, today I come before you with a statement that will change the face of this company FOR-EVERRRRR.

*cheers*

VKM: Tonight, in THIS - VERY - RING....I will redeem the nature of this very business with what I am about to say today. You will not believe what you are going to he-

*Michael McGillicutty comes out*

MM: Vince, shut up! Now you know, I am the guy who does the long, rambling promos around here. I am sick to death of being on NXT! These people...will know...that I will be making my appearance on this show, and then I will deliver the epitome of excitement known to the man, when the genesis is born and-

*Stone Cold Steve Austin comes out*

SCAS: BOOOOOOORIIIIIIING! *stuns McGillicutty* Vince, what the hell is this damn announcement? Speak up you sorry son of a bitch!

VKM: Okay, okay. Tonight, The WWE UNIVERSE....WILL NO LONGER...........BE CALLED THE WWE UNIVERSE!

*gasp*

Ron Simmons: DAMN!
Michael Cole: OH MY!
Jerry Lawler: NO!
SCSA: WHAT?

VKM: They will be callled.....THE WWE.....VEGETABLE RACK!

*boos*

Jim Ross: This is absolutely asinine. How in thee hell can this man sleep at night?

SCSA: Well...I gotta say Vince. This is a hell of a good idea. Hell son, I've viewed these people as vegetables for the entire time I've been here. They're just a bunch of vegetating sacks of shit! (ooooh!)

JR: FOR THE LOVE OF PETE! *gets on mic* I'd also like to throw in my two cents. These people...are nothing but rotting vegetables of the lowest form. Hell, even my BBQ sauce won't make them any better.

King: Yeah, they're all vegetables!
Cole: To hell with the WWE Vegetable Rack!
SCSA: If you wanna be called the WWE Vegetable Rack - gimme a hell yeah!

*HEEEEEELLLLL YEEEEEEAAAHHHHH!*

VKM: You people will chant that at anything. You are so ridiculous.

SCSA: If you people are the dumbest sons o' bitches on this planet earth, gimme a hell yeah!

*HEEEEEEELLLLL YEEEAAAAAHHHHH!*

JR: They just won't sell!

SCSA: If you all like to indulge in a bit of self-fellatio, gimme a hell yeah!

*HEEEEELLLLLL YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!*

SCSA: I'm sick of this crap.

*WHAT?*

SCSA: I'm outta here.

*WHAT?*

VKM: CHRIS BENOIT!

*WHAT?*

VKM: THE ATTITUDE ERA IS COMING BACK!

*WHAT?*

VKM: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.....YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

*WHAT?*

King: Oh my god, the WWE Vegetable Rack has turned their backs on the WWE Universe!

*crowd keeps chanting 'what?' as Vince keels over in the middle of the ring*

*show goes off air*
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Old 10-06-2012, 12:17 PM   #46 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

Quote:
Originally Posted by A$AP View Post
Mid way through a divas match, Triple H just comes out and starts beating the shit out of like 4 of the Divas with his eyes closed.
Pedigrees for all.
Walks to the back with his eyes closed. Cameras follow him.
Goes into his locker room and back to sleep.
Cops are looking for Triple H in the arena while he's sleeping but Stephanie gets there first.
Wakes him up. He doesnt remember anything.
Every week, he assaults a different woman/group of women in his sleep.
This all leads to Stephanie getting him into a meeting with Dr. Some-generic-name-that-all-the-WWE-doctors-have. This ones a woman.
She consults him and asks him why he's been beating women in his sleep.
After a long pause, he opens his eyes, says that hes been awake all along and hits her with a sledge hammer!.
#SWERVE #RATINGS #TRIPLEHWOMANBEATER
I don't care if it was meant to be a joke, I'd watch that shit! I'm in near tears!
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Old 10-06-2012, 12:40 PM   #47 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

CM Punk starts Raw off by going to the ring and then he shocks the world by drinking alcohol and he says on the mic it was all a lie im not straight edged
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Old 10-06-2012, 12:48 PM   #48 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

Quote:
Originally Posted by ConnorMCFC View Post
I don't care if it was meant to be a joke, I'd watch that shit! I'm in near tears!
The feud basically continues until Wrestlemania until Chyna comes back.
Triple H dominates the match and beats the shit out of her with the ring bell.
Triple H suddenly tears a quad and is struggling to get back up.
Stephanie starts walking down to the ring mid way through the match.
Just when we think she's gunna help Triple H, she pulls out a golden dildo from her undercarriage, hands it to Chyna. #SWERVE
Triple H finally makes it to his feet, Chyna smashes Triple H in the face with the golden dildo.
She mounts him and suffocates him with her implants and he passes out.
Winner by submission, Chyna.
Chyna is interviewed by Josh Mathews about her victory in the parking lot.
Suddenly, an Ice Cream truck comes speeding towards the two.
Mathews pushes Chyna in the way and saves himself, instant kill.
We go to an instant replay.
In the ice cream truck are Vince McMahon, Marty Jannetty, Half of the Spirit Squad and David Arquette.

#Ratings #IceCreamTruckofDeath #GoldenDildoHeelTurn

The story continues.
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Last edited by A$AP : 10-06-2012 at 01:01 PM.
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Old 10-06-2012, 12:51 PM   #49 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

Quote:
Originally Posted by A$AP View Post
Mid way through a divas match, Triple H just comes out and starts beating the shit out of like 4 of the Divas with his eyes closed.
Pedigrees for all.
Walks to the back with his eyes closed. Cameras follow him.
Goes into his locker room and back to sleep.
Cops are looking for Triple H in the arena while he's sleeping but Stephanie gets there first.
Wakes him up. He doesnt remember anything.
Every week, he assaults a different woman/group of women in his sleep.
This all leads to Stephanie getting him into a meeting with Dr. Some-generic-name-that-all-the-WWE-doctors-have. This ones a woman.
She consults him and asks him why he's been beating women in his sleep.
After a long pause, he opens his eyes, says that hes been awake all along and hits her with a sledge hammer!.
#SWERVE #RATINGS #TRIPLEHWOMANBEATER
LOL I will definitely watch it!
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Old 10-06-2012, 12:56 PM   #50 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

eddie guerrero chris benoit come back from the dead but never really died along with randy savage. all 3 of em say they are forming a stable and it was all a hoax no1 ever died even nancy benoit and daniel benoit come out and are given free tickets to sit and view it all. then stone cold comes out and smashes themm with beer and tori wilson comes out dancin naked and mcmahon says we are now going tv ma
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