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Old 10-06-2012, 12:39 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

Main Event: John Cena on commentary as he announces a huge main event. Out comes none other than PRESIDENT OBAMA! He talks about how he is tired of that jackass Mitt Romney talking nonsense about him. He calls Mitt out. They cut a promo for the ages until, George W Bush comes out! He talks about how Obama stole his spotlight and how he banged Obama's wife. Obama slaps Bush. Out comes Vince Mcmahon. He tells how he will run for president in 2016. They all laugh. He declares that they have a No Holds Barred Match right then and there. They all agree. As the match is about to start, Vince announces the special guest referee: Big Dick Johnson. The match begins. Eventually, everyone is bleeding heavily, and Obama nails the Canadian Destroyer on Mitt and pins him. Obama celebrates as he points up to an American flag. Confetti falls down as Guile's theme song plays. Then, out of nowhere, Mario Balotelli comes out and hits the Rough Ryder on him. He celebrates like how he did against Germany as the camera focuses on him. Raw goes off the air.
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Old 10-06-2012, 12:48 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

-Bring all the divas into ring. They all strip naked and have a lesbian orgy.
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Old 10-06-2012, 12:55 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

6-man EC on Raw promoted for two full months. Hogan vs. Austin vs. Rock vs. Undertaker vs. HHH vs. Cena. Promote it as the very last WWE match ever to determine the greatest of all time. Austin wins, Vince comes out and says "lol, just kidding about whole last match thing. Raw will be on next week, come watch!" Then all the other legends come out from the match, hit their finishers on Vince which ends in all of them celebrating with Beer... the end. Whole roster comes out and celebrates. Think Raw 15th anniversary. The end.

Edit: On second thought, do what the above post says for the first hour, then what I said for the last 2 hours.
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Old 10-06-2012, 01:17 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

Get Vince McMahon to admit to every single huge mistake he's made in the past 30 years.

-Fucking up Invasion
-Nearly ruining Brock Lesnar
-Not pushing MVP
-Overpushing John Cena
-Hornswoggle as the anonymous GM
-Constantly humiliating Jim Ross
-AJ being GM of Raw
-Backing Linda's Senate Campaign twice, wasting tens of millions of dollars and purging the internet of Attitude Era videos
-Making Raw shitty PG (as opposed to the good PG of the 80s)
-The commercials every 5 minutes
-Way too much focus on Twitter, Tout and Social Media
-The atrocious booking
-Ruining Nexus by having Cena go over them constantly
-Not letting Dean Ambrose debut
-Not giving us Sting vs Undertaker
-The awful, awful writing
-Screwing Bret in Montreal
-Not using Awesome Kong while pushing Kelly Kelly and the Bellas instead
-Katie Vick
-Giving Hunter way too much sway
-Letting Stephanie lead creative
-Having Daniel Bryan lose in 18 seconds
-Using the military, breast cancer and Make a Wish to get John Cena over
-Exploiting Eddie's death for storylines
-Using Jake Roberts' real life alcoholism as a basis for a storyline

And everything else. Just have him apologize and beg our forgiveness.
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Old 10-06-2012, 01:24 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

H L A! H L A!
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Old 10-06-2012, 01:33 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

John Cena vs Mark Henry feud obviously.
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Old 10-06-2012, 01:51 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

Guys, the best way is to stop this being a wrestling show. No one likes wrestling. The casuals and general public aren't interested. Talk about lame! They just like Cena.

So we turn RAW into a zany comedy where Cena makes funny voices and faces for 45 minutes, with Daniel Bryan occasionally popping in and attractive women also showing up and Cena's mouth falling open and eyes popping cartoon style. And there are also fire-works.

The ratings would saw so much we'd never have to worry about the show again. WWE (World Wacky Entertainings) would be saved and everyone would be happy because the ratings were good.
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Old 10-06-2012, 03:29 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerLove View Post
Basically, create an episode of RAW where ratings are sure to skyrocket to like a 10.0.

The Rock returns and faces Punk for the title. Then, he wins the title and breaks CM Punks arm.
Then he straight up takes MITB from Ziggler like a boss and cashes it in on Sheamus and beats him in 17 seconds.
Then Austin comes back and finds Punk in the back and Stunners him 5 times.
Undertaker comes out and then says "I NEED A WRESTLEMANIA OPPONENT BUT I DONT KNOW WHO BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL BITCHES LOLOLOL"
then HHH music hits, but he doesn't come out.
Cena's music hits, he doesn't come out though.
Rock's music hits, doesn't come out.
Lesnar comes out!!!....but then he stops at the top of the ramp, smiles, and points to the ramp and then...GOLDBERGS MUSIC HITS.

Goldberg comes out, but he comes behind the ring instead of through the entrance and then spears Undertaker.
Then he picks up the mic and says "UNDERTAKER, YOU'RE NEXT!!!"...but not for me though.
Then he points to the ceiling and STINGS MUSIC HITS....and he beats up both Goldberg and Undertaker.
Then a 50 superstar battle royal happens to determine the RAW GM and mark henry returns and wins the entire thing.
This is friggin beautiful

Also, what Mr Cricket said.
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Old 10-06-2012, 03:34 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

Let people on this board book it.
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Old 10-06-2012, 03:51 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to give RAW the biggest ratings ever (Joke Thread)

Vince comes out and announces that the IWC will be incharge of the WWE watch the rating boom.
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