It's become apparent to me that no matter how many court orders or grizzled henchmen I send around to your premises in relation to your plagiarizing of my name, you have effectively found your way around it each and every time. And to that I say, good job. You're clearly a persistent individual, and have gotten to me; when I received my latest failure report from the grizzled henchmen who I ordered and hand-picked based on medical records to forcefully give you chlamydia, I threw a fit and chucked my antique Angry Birds money bank at my Mum who is now in a coma (this rant is in her memory).
But, at the end of the day, all good things must come to an end. So, I offer you an ultimatum:
You must buy a premium membership and immediately change your name to "Thief", "Criminal Scum", or "CHODE 2.0" or something equally demoralizing.
Now, I am currently in Amsterdam on vacation with my comatose mother and while idly passing the time infiltrating some government buildings, we came across some old ground-to-air weaponry confiscated from Nazi Germany last Thursday.
If you do not comply with my name-changing demands, you and your entire family will die. Then I will put some banana peels underneath the noses of your corpses so you all have little moustaches, and I can have a little giggle.
The choice is yours.
Froot, Vice President of Malaysia and all subsidiaries