You all know why I'm here. This post has been months in the making. Ever since Froot was born I've done my best to steer him in the right direction. I've been the best mom I could. I bought him all the finest in My Little Pony merchandise. I've given him every Fozzy song on Itunes. I've even hired a Coolologist to investigate the entire house and make sure the cool levels in our house were greater than or equal to 20%. All this just to make sure young Froot grows up into a respectable member of anarchist society (the anarchist was supplied by his father, CamillePunk).
However, this last weekend after investigating Froot's internet history I have found some stuff. Scary stuff. Butt Stuff. Stuff that went beyond
just the tip. Now obviously I'm okay with that, as I want my children to grow up with an open mind so they don't become sexually repressed deviants. HOWEVER some of the images I have found have come awfully close to the line of being disrespectful to the sanctity of the ponies. That's right -- One of the sites Froot mentioned had image which came very close to being... CLOP MATERIAL
As you all know ANY disrepect to the SANCTITY of PONIES is FORBIDDEN IN MY HOUSE, and as such I've had to come to a conclusion.
Froot, this hurts me more than it hurts you but..... YOU'REEEEEEEEEEEEE GROUNDED
The following provisins go into effect immedietly as per the Froot Grounding Act of 3/18/13 and will remain in place until Rantsamania voting opens two weeks from now.
The Following Internet Search Keywords have been banned.
- BBC (As an extra precaution we have blocked access to all branches of British Broadcasting as well.)
- Shipping (Some may say it's awfully cruel of me to ban all forms of boats, including yachts and freight liners, however I feel drastic times come for drastic measures)
- Any website with "chan" in the name.
- Any at all image boards.
- Feet\Soles\Dr. Scholls\Dr. Scholls gel insert foot models.
- Plot (which I am told is slang for a pony's rear-end. Yes, this means Froot will not be able to research topics like "What is the Plot to Deep Blue Sea?")
- Sound docking
- Anything that even remotely sounds like seafood.
- Any-and-all-pony-related terms.
- Kim Possible.
- Totally Spies.
- Gape Ape.
- Bailey Jay
- Ladyboy Creampies
- Ding Dongs (Yes, the hostess cupcake. I just didn't want there to be any temptation.)
- Karla Lopez
- Karl Lopez
- Face Sitting.
- Dental Dams
Needless to say, Froot is also hereby banned from looking at my hard drive.
The Following Subreddits are now off-limits.
The folloiwng my little pony related subreddits are now banned. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY FUCKING MANY. Seriousy there's a button called "View posts from 50 MLP Based subreddits at once" I clicked it and my brain is now full of fuck
- CosbyPorn (What the fuck)
- TreesGoneWild (Most disappointing thing I have ever seen)
- TreesSuckingAtThings (Some images look rather phallic)
- ChristianGirls (Unless you are going there to meet a girl of virtue.)
- Xart (because fuck Xart)
- MylittleSpraySchool (Or anything with "Spray School.")
- Once a day, Froot will meet with WrestlingForum user Rush to learn how to play Cricket and be a rough-and-tumble Australian man.
- Froot will be required to cover his eyes everytime FANNNN DANGGGGG GOOOOO dances out to the ring.
- Froot's MP3 Player will be taken away and replaced with DubC's MP3 player until Froot can recite 2liveCrew lyrics off the top of his head.
- Froot will be required to help CamillePunk prepare pro-Anarchist fliers which will be distributed across town in order to help CamillePunk secure a place in the student body government, which he will then disband because he is an Anarchist.
- Froot will be required to return my Jem and the Holograms Blu-Ray box set seriously son where the fuck is it
- BULLY will take Froot along on his next date with his girlfriend, so as to Froot for to learn how to treat a woman with respect.
- Froot will no longer be allowed to go out and play with his friends until the grounding is over.
- When the family goes to Jack in the Box, Froot will no longer be allowed to order. That's right, we've taken away Froot's big boy privilages.
- Froot will be forced to play Tomb Raider to learn about strong women characters.
The grounding will be in effect for two weeks, until voting for Rantsamania opens.
This is your last chance to plead your case before WF as a whole, FROOT.