My NEW boyfriend, claimed on our first date to be an outstanding fucker. He said he would make Ron Jeremy look an absolute cunt in the bedroom. Wonderful, my dream guy is a guy who can bang my shepherds pie.
Turns out, it was all talk. His fucking is atrocious. Last night, i found some of his leftovers in my cheese burger. Not only that, but his dick smelt like a giraffes ass crack. Why do guys fucking lie?
I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him that his fucking is nothing short of a travesty, i mean, hes a lovely guy, but why claim you can do something to an exceptional standard when you in fact, cannot. His dick gives me the shits all the time as well. I went to work today and i spent half my shift in the toilet, with the world falling out of my ass.
How can i tell him that i don't want to put his dick down my gob anymore without crushing his feelings? I can't cook by the way, but i'm not the one who was bragging about being a sex machine. All advice greatly appreciated.
Edit: And apparently, he's a Rock Slurper
My boyfriend can't fuck for shit
My boyfriend can't fuck for shit
is one of the rare people who know how this business works even years after this interview
