BLACK MARKET SMILIES
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: The ESW arena with obese lumberjack cowboy hat guy
Re: Bad flatmates
Used to live in a six bedroom shared house for a two year period, generally all full time working (or scrounging) people apart from one student who became a good friend of mine. Unfortunately, pretty much every other person who came and left in that time was a massive twat.
One bloke called Barrie had absolutely no self control when it came to playing music through ear bone disolving subwoofers, often in the early hours of week days. Otherwise he was generally an okay bloke but had a tendency to hang around with some right utter spastics. One of his close friends that almost seemed to live in the house at times was an extremely irritating presence. Basically, this lad Danny was Barrie's bitch/butler and would fetch him cups of tea, put his laundry on and do his washing up in the shared kitchen. Now it wouldn't have been so bad if Barrie was actually around for this, but he often wasn't in the house and would just let this stranger in before fucking off to his girlfriend's house in Nuneaton. If Barrie was in the house then he would stay in his bedroom while Danny would sneak around running errands for him. That was the biggest problem, he would creep around and never say a word which was a very unsettling experience, especially when you're alone in the living room watching horror films with the lights off. My house mate Tim actually started calling him the 'ninja butler' because of this shit. It's not as if Barrie would warn us that this seemingly eunuch type autistic creature was going to be around at any given time!
Another cunt was Yorkshire Joe, he enjoyed playing the fiddle and was a member of the local morris dancing society, that should give you enough evidence as to what type of person I had to deal with. His worst crimes were using our kitchen as a bike shed (despite having an empty garden shed) while using the living room television unit as a hiding place for all of his other bike shit such as chains, spanners and grease. A destitute looking greb who may as well have been a reject from a Lord of the rings extras casting session, his personal hygiene was extended to his attitude when maintaining the house. He never washed a plate in his year long stay despite cooking a meal from scratch pretty much every night, the cunt even used a boiling pan to make hot chocolate (what's wrong with a kettle and some powder?), something that was also a regular occurance. Living on a the back of a cricket field it's probably not the best idea to leave dirty dishes around, but he did and we inevitably had an infestation of mice. Thank fuck I lived on the third floor. The thing that pissed me off the most was that he never payed his share of the bills. We had an electric key and a gas card which could be topped up at the local corner shop, usually it would cost us £10 each a month (until somebody else moved in...), sometimes a bit more in the winter, so nothing drastic and certainly not a mission in terms of fulfilling the task. Obviously he never payed any money towards it (despite me threatening him once, he soon left afterwards) after the first couple of months because he just had to live up to that Yorkshire stereotype of being a tight arsehole. He also once turned down the volume on the living room tv without asking when me and my girlfriend were watching it, his excuse being that he was finished in the kitchen and didn't need it turned up as loud, despite the fact that we had turned the fucking thing on and up to that level in the first place! I actually saw him in a local pub soon after he left, he even had the temerity to come up to my table and talk to me while I was with some mates, despite the fact that we never talked when we lived together. Weird fucker.
The last member of the ultimate triumvant of cunts was Pankash. This old bloke was jobless and would spend all day in the house avoiding the possibility of looking for work. I could live with that, but the problem was that he was from India and wasn't used to the cold, therefore he would absolutely cane the electric via the radiators which meant that everybody (apart from Joe) would have to shell out more money. This guy also had no idea how to clean plates and would use cold water when 'attempting' to wash up. He may as well have just not bothered because everything had to be washed again anyway.
Those three were the worst of what seemed to be a revolving door of dense wankers. I could go on but it would take far too much effort, it probably already has. The fact that I was probably the nicest person in that house over the two years that I lived there says a lot about that place.