so i was outside my work the other night at a show with some friends, we were outside tail gating on his van with beers, throwing the empties at a store infront of us. All of a sudden i got this idea thinking it would awesome to take a bag of ice and smash it against a window. Not a normal window, these are thoe 3mm coated windows to withstand bullets and axes, so i smash this bag against a window, on the third time i set off the store alarm, so all my friends run like hell, i get the idea and decideto run as well. Here is where video games have fucked me over, for some reason i -BELIEVED- i could double jump. I run towards this little fence which i could walked over, but nooooooooo i have to make everything look cool and awesome. I do a little hop, honestly waiting for me to hit the peak of this jump before i do another one, i kick my legs out and NOTHING NOT A GOD DAMN FUCKING THING i land 2 steps infront of the fence, trip run into it, and flip over my left shoe goes flying and lands ontop of the roof i just set the alarm off to. I get up broken beer bottle in hand (note, i didnt realize it was broken.... yet) so i get up and see a few cars in this adjacent parking lot. AGAIN i thought i could double jump again, but this time was much worse. I actually did a good jump, tried to do it again in mid air, nothing, i land ontop of the car knee smashes front window, i slide off and take off the rear view mirror with my shoe less foot. i notice my beer was broken
so smash it against the car i just messed up. Realizing what i had done, i started tp kick and punch the car, thinking if i do enough "damage" to it, it will blow up and it will respawn. Logic kicks in i run to the train station, meet up with my friends, train comes they get in, i dont, thinking, there are secret agents on the train. So i go the end of it and jump on the bumper at the end, thinking i would fool those secret agents. the train started moving and for some reason i was shocked by this, like "why the fuck is it moving?!!?" i tried to get off, but i couldnt, then it did a little jolt that made my fall over into a ditch, which was loaded with nice fluffy grass. knowing i missed my train, i decided to run to my friends house, luckily she was having a party and it was still going, so i go into her room, change clothes, hoping the police wouldn't recognize me in hawaii flower shirts and shorts. She gets pissed off and drives me home. At this point i thought we were on a boat, so i roll down the window in this boat and start paddling, we pick up speed, thinking it had something to do with my amazing paddling skills, i paddled harder. Red light we come to a stop, i start crying because i think the boat which is a horse now, ran out of carrots and wouldnt run if it didnt get any, so i suggested we rob a grocery store for carrots so our horse could run. yeah, my friend took advantage of my drunken state and made me buy $50 worth of gas for her van
She drops me off, i was ABOUT to go through the front door when i remembered the secret agents were after me. So i decided to crawl up the side of my house like spiderman and go through my window. In reality i smashed the basement window and passed out on the sofa which i thought was a rejuvenation chamber.
So in the end, video games have ruined my life!