Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: On the Rocks with a Bitch and a Bottle
Re: Official Indy DVD Help Thread
Takeshi Morishima v Bryan Danielson (ROH Manhattan Mayhem II, ROH World Title, 8/25/07)
WELL NOW! This just spoke to me in ways I never anticipated! Bryan Danielson – the quintessential 21st century Bob Backlund with skin head AND howdy-doody hairstyle resemblance – and Takeshi Morishima – possessor of humungous derriere and even more humungous derriere-based offence – beat the ever loving dribble out of each other and we all get to watch. It’s, like, RIGHT THERE on my TV, man!
This actually reminds me of a story. Well, it reminds me of a situation from my childhood that I can now translate into a story, but that’s all minor details that mean nothin’ to nobody. The story goes: there was a kid my age called Frazer that thought picking on a big ol’ lumpy kid, also my age, by the name of Paul would be fun… and when you were 12 years old, I imagine it would’ve been. So, one day Paul gets all pissed off at the constant degrading from little Frazer and decides to stand up for himself when Frazer calls him Barney the Dinosaur, which was evidently the proverbial straw that broke the proverbial (or maybe not so proverbial – you didn’t see Paul, man) camel’s back, challenging him to a fight after school. 3 o’ clock rolls around and shit goes down once everybody is long gone from the watchful eye of the (shitty) school that Paul and Frazer attended. Frazer gets all cocky because Paul’s a big Nell Carter lookin’ sumbitch that surely can’t move around with any ease let alone fight. Except Paul CAN fight, and Paul punches little Frazer right in the fucking face, and I swear to God little Frazer fucked no more with big, bad Paul.
That’s an honest to God true story, btw, and it’s what came to mind the very second Takeshi Morishima says “Fuck this pale motherfucker and his underfed, measly little leg kicks – MORI SMASH!” and goes total fucking Roman on Danielson’s ass by throwing him in the corner and pounding the fudge out of him with straight up PRIMITIVE fists o’ fat fury. That’s where this whole thing is so great – Morishima’s a big, rotund bully that knocks sons of bitches out with his gargantuan ass and Paul Bunyanesque arms that are just wont to lariat the snot out of people, so Danielson goes all strategic and shit and tries to chop this big tree down to size by hacking away at his massive legs. “Paul Bunyanesque?! FUCK Paul Bunyan! And his axe! LEG KICKS, MOTHERFUCKER!” And that’s basically the long and short of the entire psychology here – and it whips insane amounts of tail. Of course, any time Danielson isn’t trying to land Morishima on his ass he’s getting his own keester handed to him, and the dynamic of Mori being this unruly ass kicker that’s content to Adam Vinatieri Dragon’s pancreas out through his stomach is so simple but God DAMN if it ain’t how I like things to be done.
The entire final five minutes are just excellent because they don’t go into the familiar kick-out-a-thon that’s standard fare for ROH a lot of the time, and taking things simple with it being their first match and all is smart booking that keeps both guys looking good – especially Mori since Danielson is the messiah to 98% of ROH fans, anyway. Besides, after taking THOSE lariats and then a backdrop driver, you’d be fucking dead too and you know it.
Post-match Danielson gets on the mic and manages to cut a promo without looking like he’s choking back a smile for once, putting Morishima over even more by saying that it’s in fact big ‘n’ beefy Takeshi that’s the best in the world since he’s the one with the belt. Short and to the point, and he comes across as speaking with a certain kind of wisdom to his words. The kind of wisdom one gets when they staple their tongue to the wall and spend the rest of their lives going around the country speaking in high schools and community colleges about the dangers of stapling your tongue to the wall. Let that be a lesson to any fool in future that wishes to kick the legs of Takeshi Yokoshima out from under him – you will be dealt with. Your parents will be eaten and your village will be ransacked. All hail Takeshi Morishima – probably the greatest fat man in the history of skin. Get ALL of this, son!