CHIKARA goes ROH - UNSCRIPTED!
The show opens up with Hydra and Ultra Mantis Black coming out for a promo. I swear to God, whoever the ring announcer is (Nick P!), he just called Mantis "Ultra Man Black". ULTRA MAN. Hydra is very very sick, but still weighs in at a ripping 146 thousand pounds, so clearly illness isn't preventing him from hitting the gym. That's the sign of a man of honour. The Order's Cradle of Filth music is all kinds of awesome. Create-A-Wrestler comes out for a match, I guess, but Mantis demands, "GIVE ME THAT MR. MICROPHONE" and announces that Hydra is too ill to, and I quote, "engage in the grapple". Mantis also calls Bob Saget "Mr. Sa-jay". Mantis shows Matt Dillon a note from Dr. Oceanic, which is exactly what a school sick note should be, but replacing "Lil Dan" with "Hydra", and "do sports" replaced with "wrestle". However, Hydra can do the Hydraulic, so here we go! No idea if the Lost box set is on the line. Hydraulic Challenge: Hydra vs. Create-A-Wrestler. The challenge is a fraud! Hydra goes to put it on, but then steps aside and Mantis applies it! This was hilarious, made all the better by the folks in the crowd going, "HEY!", as if they had just solved a mystery and needed justice! Amusingly, Mike Quackenbush on commentary treats this like a wristlock. Dillon throws the contest out, but I guess we have a singles match.
1. Ultra Mantis Black vs. Create-A-Wrestler. UMB has the advantage from the start, tying CAW in the tree of woe, dropkicking him almost in the nads and then in the torso. CAW makes a pretty smooth comeback, hitting a nice flipping neckbreaker. Mantis hits a move sorta like a Jackhammer with head dropping goodness. How very indy! Hydra interferes, necking CAW on the top rope, and Mantis finishes with the Tiger Driver '98. Very short, but wasn't too bad for the couple of minutes they got. CAW didn't mess anything up this time, and for a guy who debuted a month or two before, he's actually not half bad. 3/4*. Leonard F. Chikarason suspends Hydra and Mantis for a night due to violations of the CHIKARA wellness policy. This causes the Order to celebrate wildly. Those two will be having a drug-fuelled night on the town while everyone else is wrestling. Mantis suggests they go to the Amish country!
Billy Roc cuts a curious promo where he hopes he wins tonight, but nevertheless, HE'LL SEE US ALL THERE! What a nice young man.
2. Billy Roc vs. Fire Ant w/Worker Ant. Roc is debuting in CHIKARA here, and is doing a "Well-Mannered" gimmick. He's just a gentleman, good young man, may be a churchgoer, I don't know. I think I'm going with Roc here, as he has AC/DC music, which I will take over even You Start The Fire. That music may also be the only thing Roc has in common with Rich Franklin, unless Fire is a big black dude who speaks no English and does knee strikes. Billy's screwed then. Billy and Worker have words pre-match. They shake hands early. What a nice guy that Billy Roc is! His mother will be so proud. She raised him well. Billy ties Fire up and does headstand dropkicks. Leapfrog sequence and Billy counters the fireman's carry! I'm sure he watched the Fire Ant tapes, while making his grandmother hot tea, like a good grandson. Billy shoves out of the Royal Octopus into a headscissors by dropping Fire on his face. International arm drag trio by Roc. Fire does his tree of woe headscissors and crushes Roc in the corner with a cannonball. Roc counters a high cross with a gutbuster and a goardbuster for 2. Billy brings the side Russian leg sweep into a ground octopus stretch. It is so strange to see Billy Roc getting the heat on a man. Fire Ant may actually be bigger than him. Billy hits a slingshot splash for 2. Billy locks in a kamigatame and starts slamming Fire's head into the mat, sorta like little curb stomps. Curb steps, most likely. Roc climbs, but Fire catches him and hits a super fireman's carry for the double knockout. FIRE ANT FIRES UP, BABY. Fire locks in a 619 headscissors in the ropes, and then hits I guess a missile dropkick to the knee, followed by a low lariat to send Roc out. Fire tries a tope con giro but misses Roc and takes out Worker, seemingly injuring him. Looks like a knee. That's what YOU get for standing there and trying to help! Billy's reaction is to ask, "ARE YOU OKAY?!?!" as this ant lies dead on the floor. Aww. Fire blocks an Asai DDT and they trade a bunch of rollups until Fire hits a GODDAMN BURNING HAMMER, which is actually significantly less dangerous as he drops them on their front, and that gets the pin. That finish got no reaction, which was kinda sad. Otherwise, a very fun little midcard match. They tried really hard, and I really dig Billy Roc, who asks Fire, "ARE YOU OKAY?!?!" post-match, and also asks Worker, "ARE YOU OKAY?! ARE YOU GOOD?!" Goddamn I love Billy Roc. **1/2.
3. Chris Hero vs. Hallowicked. Hero has ditched the Superman mix in favour of Dead & Bloated by the Stone Temple Pilots. He is also rockin' the red pants! Some dudes cheer for Hero. Eject these men immediately. Especially considering he's wrestling Hallowicked, who is the man. Or so I say. Nick P is definitely above Ed O'Mac in terms of pronunciation, as he did not botch, "Hallowicked". Hallowicked babbles incoherently and I am wildly entertained. Wicked encourages annoying Hero chants by yelling, "KEEEEEEEYROOOOOOCK!" Wicked hits a shoulder block and again screams, "KEEEEEEEYROOOOOOCK!", but this time with more anger! Satellite headscissors into a schoolboy by Wicked. Are there schools in Sleepy Hollow? Hero stops Wicked's momentum by stomping on Wicked's head, which will do the job. Wicked picked a leg and a lucha leapfrog sequence ends into Wicked stomping I guess on Hero's ass. "Oh God!" Hero sighs. Quack describes this as, "a rough night at the office". Sucks to be a member of that office. Wicked goes arm draggy but a third is blocked and Hero dumps Wicked to the floor with a front suplex. God bless low rings, because otherwise he would be dead. "Shebumadeh!" Wicked whelps. Was that lewd? Hero controls back in the ring with a slam, taking time to jaw with a child wearing a lucha mask. Wicked tries the clinch Iconoclasm but Hero rolls through and hits a dropkick of doom for 2. Hero locks in a submission, slamming Wicked out of it and hitting a back senton for a 2 count. Meanwhile, Crazy Frank's Hair lurks around ringside. Hero says, "Look what I learned in Japan!" and hits a chop. He follows this up with Muay Thai knees. Maybe he's Anderson Silva! Wicked runs up the buckles and hits a courting hold arm drag, followed by an enzuigiri for the double KO. Wicked makes a big choppy comeback and hits the Terra Ryzin-inspired high knee. Hero bails, so Wicked follows with this awesome tope suicida. Inside, the Rydien Bomb gets Wicked only a nearfall. That was impressive. Wicked garbles and everyone goes, "YEAH~!" Hero goes for the mask to stop the Go 2 Sleepy Hollow and hits a gutwrench sideways powerbomb, followed by the Crash Landing for a close call. Hero lets out a PRIMAL SCREAM OF RAGE~! after this, which Quack describes as, "infantile". Wicked hits the step-up huracanrana but Hero counters to a sunset flip for 2. They trade a bunch of rollups, and then Hero dumps Wicked over the top. I wish they would just disqualify him for that. They brawl on the floor. with Wicked landing on his feet off a back suplex and WHACKING Hero with the Yakuza kick. TAKE THAT, JERK! Hero does a wacky Hero roll off the stage and hits a boot of his own, but inside the ring he still doesn't get it. People like this. Wicked hits Go 2 Sleepy Hollow and an AWESOME swinging 'rana for 2. The fans clap like paying seal customers! Hero with a cravate suplex but he botches the standing tuck moonsault, landing on his own head on Wicked's mid-section, but that's enough for the pin anyway. It's a shame they botched the finish, because that was AWESOME before the mess-up. I hope Hero's okay, because that was a rough landing. ***1/2. Claudio and Quack both chase Hero away post-match, with Hero teasing going into the women's bathroom in what would have been the ultimate rudo move. CC gets the fans to call Hero a coward. Claudio is Chris Benoit and Hero is Booker T. Hero calls himself the most sought after wrestler in the country, to which Wiggly emits a hearty chuckle. Hero ups the stakes for the CC/Quack match tomorrow, so not only is it for the King of Europe spot representing CHIKARA, but the winner also faces Hero. Hero leaves, and Claudio teases hugging Quack, only to then SHOVE HIM~! This whole angle is so great. These two men tease hugs, engage in a SHOVING CONTEST, and then they do battle! Just imagine if CC had hugged Quack. Quack delivers the parting blow by calling Claudio "IRScito". DNA TEST, PLEASE.
2.0 do their usual wacky promo post-match. They compare themselves to the Mighty Ducks again, noting how they got screwed out of a title shot, but not tonight! BOOYAH~!
4. 2.0 (Shane Matthews & Jagged)  vs. BLK-OUT (Sabian & Joker)  w/Eddie Kingston. BLK-OUT ARE BALLIN'! They haven't got anything on my boy MVP though. Joker and Matthews start off. Matthews claims a hair pull from the gangsta folk. I should point out BLK-OUT's music intro was not censored, so the people in Reading were mentally soiled even further. For some reason, despite the fact I'll probably enjoy this, on paper, I don't look forward to it at all. It may be a BLK-OUT thing, as I'm not a huge fan of them. Matthews bails after a devastating SHOULDER BLOCK, so Sabian brings Jagged in the hard way. That being over the top rope, folks. Sabian nearly ejects Jagged from the ring with a monkey flip into the rubbish ropes. Jagged complains that Sabian is too much of a slippery devil, so Sabian dropkicks him out and dives onto both 2.0 guys with a tope con hilo. Sabian locks in the Venus Flytrap and tags out to Joker when that fails. Joker hits a fireman's carry slam, ala MIYAWAKI, and Sabian hits a slingshot senton of squashiness. BLK-OUT bring the wacky combinations of dropkicks for a nearfall. Jagged wails and screams for a break while in a chinlock. Matthews breaks a long silence by screaming, "JOKER, you're not too funny!" which is a valid criticism. Comedy is not his forte. Jagged gets the heat with an STO, allowing 2.0 to isolate Joker with their own wacky combination. Bryce declares Joker is nicknamed "the Cambodian walrus". Wrestling could use more Cambodian wrestlers. And more walruses, now I think about it. Joker dumps Matthews to the floor, which isn't the widest move, as it allows Jagged to legally come in and keep him at bay. Joker mounts a comeback with an exploder and an overhead belly-to-belly. Sabian gets the tag and hits a missile dropkick on both 2.0 guys. Sabian gives Jagged a flatliner and Matthews the corner dropkick, leading to a Joker CAMBODIAN CANNONBALL OF DEATH~!~!~! Double grapevine DDT by 2.0 murders Sabian for 2, Joker saves. That HAD to have been a martinete. Jagged accidentally clonks Matthews and BLK-OUT hit an inverted atomic drop/clothesline, following by a giant swing/dropkick combo, but Matthews throws Joker out with a low bridge. That distraction allows Jagged to roll Sabian up and hold the tights for the pin. They didn't do anything wrong, but this didn't really hook me. The actual work was **1/2-ish though. It just was a match, I didn't hate it, I didn't like it.
Backstage, Shayne Hawke does an interview talking his return to "Shickara"! He is a very, very ginger man. He talks about a trip to Europe in his youth, and then gets the cameraman to zoom in on his passport - which is full of empty pages! HE WANTS STICKERS! He calls Ricochet a stepping stone, and a step to getting his first sticker!
5. Shayne Hawke vs. Ricochet. This is Hawke's return after a loss to Twiggy at Cibernetico Forever. This is the battle of the ginger Canadian Irishman vs. the black American Irishman. Hawke heels it up by saying he hates the States, and when that fails, "I voted Bush". This does the trick. Nick P's pronunciation of "Paducah" is interesting, and he knows it. Hawke starts the match by singing "O Canada", which apparently has more lyrics aside from "O Canada". Hawke is just confused about the wrestling of Ricochet. Quack explains that the abundance of Shane's in CHIKARA will lead to Storm becoming Bartholomew Storm. That would be a great gimmick. YE OLDE CONSTRUCTION WORKER. In the best spot of the night, Hawke raises his arms for an axe handle, runs with these little steps, goes, "OOOOOOOOH!", and Ricochet sidesteps, so they just continue a sequence. Shayne Hawke is a goofy, goofy man. Criss-cross and the ring may actually be about to collapse, like Big Show just took a superplex in it. Hawke adds little comments as Ricochet slams him into the buckles, such as, and I quote, "Please God, no!" That has never worked. God is an ass. Ricochet gets a nearfall off a snapmare. Yeah. Hawke hits this double stomp, I guess, in the corner. Ricochet reverses an attempt at something to a DDT and a standing moonsault gets 2. Ricochet gets trapped in the ropes and Hawke hits a reverse lungblower in the corner - a move I will dub the "Ginger Biscuit". Ricochet hits the backslide driver and a tornado DDT for 2. Hawke responds to the corner moonsault kick with a sweet Ace Crusher for 2, to which he responds with a passionate, "WHAT?!" Ricochet hits a spinning gamongere, a second rope moonsault, and a lovely standing SSP for the pin. This was a lot of fun, and I demand Hawke return. What is in Canadian water? It makes them all incredibly goofy, and thus awesome. **3/4. Leonard F. Chikarason gives Ricochet a spot in Rey de Voladores post-match, and then INDY MUSIC PLAYS!
Chuck Taylor describes to us all his love of Kentucky, his love of Titanic (except that selfish tart Kate Winslet - "Seriously now, that door is big enough for 2 people!"), his hatred of children and the elderly, his love of EATING MEAT and wearing a crown, and I will describe this only by moving on. Words cannot do this justice.
6. Chuck Taylor vs. ??? Taylor has his hair up like Chris Jericho in his WWF debut. he immediately gets this match *** by running out and going, "YEEEEEAH! YEEEEEEEEAH! YEAAAAAH!" into the face of a disturbed young man in a Los Ice Creams shirt. I love Chuck Taylor being randomly angry or overly happy at people for some reason. Chuck was originally supposed to face Worker Ant, but since Fire killed him earlier, he's, well, dead. A young man insults Chuck's hair, so Chuck points at him and says, "I WILL KILL YOUR PARENTS". Lenny Chikarason announces that, instead of allowing Chuck to go to the bar, he must wrestle Ruckus! 6. Chuck Taylor vs. Ruckus w/Sabian & Joker. Mantis is on commentary for this, so apparently the wellness policy does not suspend him from commentating. Chuck declares that the inclusion of Ruckus is "malarky"! Chuck jumps Ruckus at the bell. Chuck previews a fist by saying, "I'm gonna hit him with my closed fist! I'll do it!" And then he did. Someone get Chuck Taylor a headset for his matches. Chuck bails to get a drink. He asks the man at the bar for a shot of Jack Daniels, so Ruckus - ever the drinker - gives chase. They begin a cat-and-mouse chase, Jack-less. Chuck gets the heat in the ring with some rudocity, but Ruckus makes a big flippy comeback with the Afterburner and a spinning heel kick, but the Razzle Dazzle is countered to a backdrop. Fans laugh at Chuck being Chuck, so he seriously looks at them and states, "I hate you". "Here it comes, here it comes!" and Chuck locks in a five-star chinlock. Ruckus breaks out and CROSSBONES CLUBS THE BABY SEALS, but Chuck cuts him off with the picture perfect dropkick. Chuck threatens to tear the Hurricane Ramirez mask off a youth and make him eat it! Dear lord. Ruckus is dubbed, "Flophouse McGillicutty" by Chucky T. Chuck threatens a top rope move, but just hops down and does a BIG SPLASH for 2! "That's my finish!" Chuck protests. Ruckus whacks Chuck with a kick in the face, followed by a dropkick and RAZZLE DAZZLE~! followed by the roll into the Fameasser for 2. SOAL FOOD~! and both guys are out. Ruckus makes a little jumping bean comeback but gets suplexed into the corner for 2. "Don't tell him what to do, he's a grown man!" Chuck tells the fans. He tries to get a, "Let's go Chuck Taylor! You're number 1!" chant going. Rolling neckbreaker by Ruckus for a nearfall. Chuck hits an enzuigiri, yells, "YEAH~!" and tries a suplex, which apparently is the YEAH~! Ruckus does a backslide and headstands in it for 2. Ruckus prawn holds out of the Omega Driver but the bell rings at 2.99 for a 10-minute time limit draw. Chuck refuses five more minutes, for he only goes by the rules, and the rules cannot be changed! He also takes a bump for Disco Inferno's nemesis, the invisible man. This match was all kinda of fun. Chuck Taylor may be my favourite wrestler on the independents today. He's so goofy and hilarious, but I still hate his guts for demanding us flips. Because, as we all know, flips are very cool! This was only hurt by the finish, which annoyed me. ***1/4.
7. Young Lions Cup Match: Max Boyer (c) vs. Soldier Ant. Boyer is still cup-less, as he apparently sold it at a garage sale, or something. He needs to bring a different sort of cup every time. An egg cup, a drinking cup, a plastic Stanley Cup, you know the drill. I have no idea why Soldier Ant gets a shot, but let's just go with it. Soldier is announced as representing the Colony and the CHIKARARMY~! Soldier dominates early with the saluting satellite headscissors, and Boyer bails to recover. However, Soldier dives onto him with this saluting tope out of NOWHERE, and it was AWESOME! Danny Havoc observes from a chair. Boyer recovers and posts Soldier, giving him the advantage. Boyer helps the kid in the lucha mask with his clapping endeavours. SNAP SUPLAY~! by the Boyermeister. Boyer holds the buckle to prevent an electric chair, drops Soldier on the top buckle and uses the ropes on a pin for 2. SHENANIGANS! Soldier slaps the Jesus out of Boyer. Bits of Chris Benoit actually flew off his face then. Boyer counters a round-and-round headlock takedown using the ropes to a back suplex. Soldier with the saluting high cross for 2. Soldier brings the saluting corner charges but Boyer murderizes him with a German suplex for 2. Meanwhile, Chris Hero comes out to observe. Soldier counters the Lifestyle to an inside cradle for 2. Soldier with his own German for 2. Boyer finally gets Soldier into a snazzy dealyabob leading to the Lifestyle for the pin. This was a tremendous little match. I didn't expect much, but Soldier continued his good 07 by working his backside off and really trying hard, and Boyer is just great. Arriba! ***.
8. Los Ice Creams vs. Mucha Lucha (Sicodelico, Jr. & Lince Dorado). The ice creams are at their jolly best tonight. Nick P almost blows his spot by announcing the ice creams in a most awkward manner. Mucha Lucha come out to their third theme in 3 shows, apparently trying to beat the Undertaker record, coming out this time to a wacky rap tune. It's no Voices. Hijo is Hijo early. Lince seems nonplussed by this. Hijo does a horribly disturbing ass shake to the sweet sounds of the rhythmic crowd clapping. Hijo breaks a submission by going for Lince's ears. The mask ears. Lince gets caught in a half crab but he escapes and goes arm draggy. And, consequently, Hijo bails and sits in the crowd. In next are Sicodelico and Junior, and Sico immediately shows himself to be a JERK by CRIPPLING THE CONE! Arrest him now! In a GREAT moment, Sico grabs Hijo's chin cone, causing him to weep, while Junior pets Lince. This violation causes Hijo to dive under the merchandise table in fear. He just got HUMBLED! Junior and Sico continue to wrestle as Hijo steals stuff from the table. He's only doing it so he can buy Junior a sterdier cone. Junior shockingly comes out with stinging hands following a test of strength with Sico, so he tags out. Mind games allows Hijo to chop Lince and emit a cackle of previously unseen proportions. Quesadora and Lince basically double legs Hijo to the floor, resulting in Hijo falling into the funniest position I have ever seen an ice cream fall. And think of the ground that covers. Inside, Lince hits a toreador and they go through a neat lucha leapfrog sequence, ending in Hijo cowering off the cat-man thing. Sico backflips out of a double top wristlock and arm drags both ice creams before following that with the London Bridge. Junior takes a drop toehold into the nuts of Hijo, and Sico immediately kicks Junior in the backside. Sicodelico, Jr. is not a man of tolerance. Lince goes to support the upset delicacies, only to get chopped. Learn from the mistakes of Billy Roc, my friend. Lince dropkicks both ice creams but eats EL ASESINO~! for 2. Junior connects with one scoop slam and a vertical splash for 2. Earthquake lives in ice cream form. Hijo clamps on a wacky abdominal stretch with a half crab, into a pin for 2. Hijo with a back senton for 2. I love how he does that. It's like he's strolling along, slips on a banana peel and just flings up to a horizontal position. The ice creams hit a variety of wacky double teams, such as the corner dropkicks of doom. Junior hits the second scoop slam for 2. Gotta hook the leg, MAN. Hero on commentary criticizes the fans for being fickle and showing no respect. Mantis rips on them for their poor schooling and other such matters. Lince tries a big wacky comeback but is promptly squashed by delicious ice cream. Junior with a sweet, sweet chinlock. Lince tries to fight out but gets pulled down by the mask. Lince finally makes his comeback and huracanranas two men at one time. That is impressive to say the least. Sico gets the hot tag and runs wild on all things caloriffic. Sico presses Lince onto Hijo for 2, Junior saves, and Sico kicks his head in. Sico with a spinebuster, leading to the kick to the face, back senton, and Lynxsault from Lince for 2. The ice creams hit a double Cold Stone stunner and a double team rollup on Sico gets 2. That was AWESOME. Hero notes the referee does not have a belt. Lince blocks a corner charge and dropkicks Hijo right in the noggin. Sico hits a mat slam and Lince nails an assisted 450 for 2. Sico superkicks Junior hard off the apron, and Lince hits a SPIKE HURACANRANA OF DEATH AND PUNISHMENT to send Hijo to defeat, hell, back and probably defeat once again. This was awesome. They worked the basic tag match, with the ice creams getting the heat on Lince forever, finally Sico got in, hit all his cool stuff, they did the nearfalls, and finished. Can't get much better than that. ****.
9. Claudio Castagnoli vs. Eddie Kingston. No Queen mix for Claudio today, he's back to the Olympic theme. Hero says that he has no issue personally with Claudio - he turned on him to teach him a lesson. King, however, is a scumbag, in the Book of Hero, if such a book were to exist. They go about things in a very calm, contained manner early on. Mantis cackles at the very notion of Kingston cackling to a submission hold from Justice Pain. I'm sure it was not intended that way. King tries the spinning backfist and Claudio tries an uppercut, but both miss. Claudio goes for the ankle, King forearms him away, Claudio slaps him, and THIS~! IS~! ON~!~!~! That was fricking awesome. They trade a few suplexes, King slaps CC in the corner, and Claudio hits a big jumping boot for a nearfall. Fisherman suplex by Claudio for 2, followed by the diving uppercut to the upper back for, er, 1. Claudio drops a leg on King across the bottom rope. King grabs a choke to prevent Claudio from going for the ankle, so Claudio deadlifts him with a gutwrench suplex. Claudio is a very strong man. King slaps Claudio REALLY hard, and they trade backfists. Corner Yakuza by Kingston followed by the uranage for 2. That was a tremendous trade there. Claudio blocks another corner Yakuza and leaps across the ring off the second with an uppercut. Deadlift German suplex by Claudio for 2. My lord. They trade their signature strikes, ending with King clobbering CC with his lariat for 2. Claudio rolls through into an ankle submission and King IMMEDIATELY taps out. This was pretty short, but told a tremendous story. King sold his ankle like a mother bear, asking Claudio not to go for it, and when Claudio finally got his hands on it, it was over. Add to this the awesome strike exchanges, and you have an awesome little match. ***1/2. It was exactly as long as it needed to be. King takes his boot off, throws it around, and then hobbles away in pain and anger.
Backstage, Team F.I.S.T. call their loss in King of Trios one of the most embarrassing losses in their history. Icarus calls tonight's match more important than previous YLC, hair and mask matches, because they're for the tag belts. Next month, they take out Cheech and Cloudy, with the same result.
10. Campeonatos de Parejas Match: Team F.I.S.T. (c) vs. Shanesaw . Nick P calls the belts the CRAMPEONES DE PAREJAS pre-match. Storm is also the "uniolised" traffic regulator. Get this guy back every damn show, please. He then tops himself by apparently calling Icarus the "Wing-Ding Warrior". Akuma is a smart man, so he STARES Nick in the eyes and visually threatens to kill him if he does not pronounce his name correctly. Icarus jumps Jig at the bell but gets the Jesus chopped out of him. Heel kick by Jig, followed by a corner high knee. Jig then inside cradles Icarus and wins the first fall in under 2 minutes. OH MY LORDY LORD!
Icarus jumps Jig at the bell, throws him out, and gives him this HILARIOUS pedigree on the floor. I'm not ripping on the guy, because you do land hard on your knees, but I still cackled. Anyway, that's what happens when you mispronounce his name. Storm tries to help his bud but is rapidly beaten. Storm hits the cartwheel splash but is rapidly kicked to death by Akuma. Akuma gets 2 off a dropkick to the back of the head with Storm seated. Akuma vaults Icarus into a back senton on Storm. Meanwhile, Mantis and Lenny discuss the wellness policy on commentary. "LISTEN YOU!" Mantis yells. Storm gets beaten more for quite some time. Version of the Total Elimination by F.I.S.T. for 2. The "Britney Spears" by F.I.S.T., and Chikarason notes that F.I.S.T. have different stages of Britney Spears hairstyles, causing Mantis to yelp in a VERY amusing manner. Back in that bubble, Lenny. Jig is in a corpse-like state on the floor. Assisted tilt-a-whirl stunner by Icarus and Gran Akuma gets the pin for fall #2 with a crucifix bomb.
More kicking by Akuma in the third. Icarus connects with double knees in the corner a couple of times. Storm neckbreakers Akuma, causing him to DDT his own partner, and Jig gets the tag. He makes a crippled comeback, superkicking Akuma right in the face and hitting Icarus with a spinning out powerbomb eventually for 2. Jig causes Icarus to tornado DDT right into Akuma and both men tumble to the floor. Storm with THAT JAPANESE MOVE~! for 2, and everyone gasps. Icarus catches Jig going for the Leap of Faith with a GODDAMN LUNGBLOWER and Akuma takes out Storm, allowing Icarus to get the pin. What an AWESOME finish to a good match. The injury stuff was very reminiscent of previous matches, such as Men@Work vs. F.I.S.T. at the Tag World 06, and also Jig vs. Icarus in their hair vs. mask match, and it always works. This was pretty short though, which is the only thing I point out if you want some sort of criticism. Good stuff, but not the best match of the show. ***.
Overall, a pretty good show, but not the best I have ever seen. I expected a thoroughly average show, so when I got this, I was pleasantly surprised. Nothing sucked, and I would definitely check out Mucha Lucha vs. the Ice Creams, which was the best match of the show and lots of fun. Most likely a thumbs up just for that match, Wicked/Hero and Claudio/Kingston.