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Old 05-23-2008, 01:28 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Boy has sex ... ... ... ... with his car.

http://www.closeronline.co.uk/RealLi...9%20May%202008

Like many men, Jordan Witham is obsessed with his car. But while most boy racers would draw the line at a wax and polish, his obsession has gone into overdrive.

The 20 year old is in love with his Volkswagen Beetle – and has been having sex with it for four years.

Despite never having kissed a girl before, virgin Jordan has become an experienced lover, covering his car with kisses and caresses before having penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.

“I don’t fancy people,” says Jordan. “It’s cars that do it for me – I don’t want to marry or have kids.”

Jordan’s mum, Debbie, 53, doesn’t know about her son’s habit but his dad, David, 50, a door installer, does – and amazingly hasn’t tried to put the brakes on his relationship.

Jordan says: “When I told my dad I was sexually attracted to my car, he just said that there are lots of different people out there who are attracted to lots of different things.

“I’m not ready to tell Mum, though. She sees the world in a different way and is always asking me if I’ve found a nice girl.”

Jordan is one of just a handful of extreme car lovers in the world known as mechaphiles, and says his obsession was fuelled as a child.

He says: “I had hundreds of toy cars as a kid and often played in my dad’s Beetle. I used to talk to it, but I didn’t think it was odd as all my mates had imaginary friends.”

After Jordan passed his driving test at 16, he spent his £750 savings on his first car, a 1967 VW Beetle.

Jordan says: “I just knew she was a ‘girl’ car and I named her Ingo. She hadn’t worked in years, but as soon as I saw her, I had to have her.”

It was only while restoring Ingo that Jordan, who has never been attracted to women, realised his feelings were sexual.

“I could feel myself falling in love while I worked on Ingo,” he says. “I once became so aroused, I started rubbing her bodywork and masturbating. It didn’t feel strange, just really exciting.

“After a few minutes, I felt a desire to connect with her further, so I had penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.”
Jordan began making love to his car a couple of times a week, while his parents were out. He recently moved out of their home to make it easier to carry on his relationship.



“I don’t always have sex with the car,” he explains. “Sometimes I stroke and kiss her bodywork, or rub myself up against her. If I’ve just been driving her, I have to wait for the exhaust pipe to cool down before I have sex. And I always use a condom because of all the dirt and dust inside.”

Jordan, who also masturbates while reading car magazines, has spent over £2,500 refurbishing Ingo. Most of Jordan’s earnings from his job stacking shelves at a supermarket are spent on her.

Now he has spent a further £200 on a “boy” car, a Trans Am he calls Todd, and is experimenting with a “gay” relationship.

Jordan says: “He’s very masculine. When I first bought him, I felt like I was cheating on Ingo, but now we all work well together.

“I have sex with Ingo more than Todd because Todd is kept in the driveway, not in the garage,” he explains. “I have to sneak outside in the middle of the night to have sex with him.”

Unsurprisingly, Jordan from Missouri, USA, describes himself as a bit of a loner – though he has now made friends with another mechaphile over the internet.

Jordan says: “I enjoy my life. If I end up an old man, living on my own with just my cars, I’ll be happy.”
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Old 05-23-2008, 01:29 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Boy has sex ... ... ... ... with his car.

It gets even strange
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Old 05-23-2008, 01:33 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Boy has sex ... ... ... ... with his car.

Now, that is just disturbingly sick.

Some people have really weird sexual fetishes, tbh.
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Old 05-23-2008, 01:38 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Boy has sex ... ... ... ... with his car.

Uh... Huh... Y'know, I bet there's somebody out there who's gonna stare at me and go, "HUH?!" but in pure honesty, I'm not all that shocked. Stuff like this just doesn't phase me as much as they did at first.

People wonder why I always say "Insanity Has No Bounds" well here's your reason. Not saying this guy is insane (insult wise at least...) More like "you honestly think humping a blow up doll is the highest level of insane, well just when you think that's it, something 25 frickin' levels higher on the 'what the ^#%$' meter is most likely to your right!"



.....


Why do I have a sudden urge to make a bad "Herby Fully Loaded" joke right now?
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Old 05-23-2008, 01:43 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Boy has sex ... ... ... ... with his car.

I've heard that some people are in-love their cars... but this is ridiculous
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Old 05-23-2008, 01:46 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Boy has sex ... ... ... ... with his car.

stroke her body work ? that car in the photo looks like a piece.But regardless if he wants to get off he should just go to a strip club or somethin'
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Old 05-23-2008, 01:51 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Boy has sex ... ... ... ... with his car.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JerseyScottie View Post
stroke her body work ? that car in the photo looks like a piece.But regardless if he wants to get off he should just go to a strip club or somethin'
I honestly do not think most strip clubs give... exhaust dances, or hood teases.
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Old 05-23-2008, 01:54 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Boy has sex ... ... ... ... with his car.

at hood teases.
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Old 05-23-2008, 02:02 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Boy has sex ... ... ... ... with his car.

This isn't real. It's a joke. I could tell immediately when he said "mates" and it later said he was from Missouri. Also the part where he bought a new car and was experimenting with a gay relationship was a dead giveaway. I can't believe I wasted a few minutes reading that crap.
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Old 05-23-2008, 02:06 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Boy has sex ... ... ... ... with his car.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JayBeeLoser View Post
at hood teases.
It's really sad I can imagine a few strip club for machaphiles...

"Yo' baby... Back that bumper up..."

"She's showing her interior! This mustang is buck wild!"
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