Dwayne "The Failure" Johnson
let's face it though this guy has failed at being the best. don't get me wrong Dwayne "The Failure" Johnson has more money than everyone on this forum combined and has accomplished more than any of us ever will, but he's still failed at one thing. the thing that has been eating him up inside for years, he's not the best.
Dwayne started out as a boy clearly not wanting to follow in his father and grandfathers footsteps as a pro wrestler instead he tried his hand in football. he was pretty damn good too, but not good enough to make it in the NFL. not good enough to play with the elite. blame it on an injury if you will, but face it Dwayne "The Failure" Johnson couldn't make it in the NFL. he and Brock have that in common. they couldn't cut it with the gridiron elites. Jim Neidhart made it to the NFL, but I guess he was just a superior athlete. let's move on to wrestling though as this is wrestlingforum after all.
Dwayne tried his hardest to make it as the top guy in wrestling. we all know he wasn't the best in the ring. (probably due to his lack of athleticism see my above paragraph where I prove The Anvil was superior to The Failure) anyway, Dwayne tried to make a name for himself on the mic with countless unfunny jokes about sticking things up asses and Lilian Garcia's vagina. it got a crowd reaction no doubt, especially his countless annoying catch phrases that only children and adults with the lowest possible IQ would buy into. still though Dwayne was unable to hold his own on the mic with the likes of The Game, Mankind, Billy Gunn and of course the GOAT himself SCSA.
Steve Austin's injuries became too much though and the GOAT had to take a year off. FINALLY, The Failure had his chance. Dwayne took the ball and ran, but he didn't get far (probably because he sucked at football) you see Dwayne did the job to the rising star Triple H, one, two, three. right in the center of the ring at WM2000. Dwayne would spend the rest of the summer feuding with The Game before ultimately dropping the title to a rookie that was far superior to The Failure, Kurt Angle.
then 2001 rolled around and Steve Austin returned. Austin and The Failure were destined to meet at WrestleMania that year. in the Astrodome 70 thousand rabid fans cheered as Austin bashed Dwayne's skull repeatedly with a steel chair. let's face it nobody wanted to see Dwayne unless THE GOAT was destroying him. it was at this time that Dwayne took his ball and went home. he realized he couldn't make it in wrestling. this was Austin's game and Dwayne was just there to ride on his coat tails. so it was around this time Dwayne made the jump to Hollywood, hoping he could finally make it as the best on the silver screen.
Dwayne did return later in the year and eventually got booed against the god-awful-20-years-past-his-prime-stale Hulk Hogan. eventually Dwayne turned heel and was carried by Austin, who had nearly died just 12 hours prior, to the greatest match of his lifetime at WM19. Austin's career was effectively done, but a new young man had stepped into take Austin's place, John Cena. Dwayne knew his body (lol PEDs) could never compare to this young charismatic phenom John Cena. so he again returned to Hollywood.
Dwayne's film career didn't work out well either. after a string of terrible action movies Dwayne tried his hand at comedy. he decided to let his true colors show as he played a homosexual male in, Be Cool. indeed it was his realest acting performance yet, probably because he finally didn't have to act. this performance led to Vinnie Mac not re-signing Dwayne as he didn't need anymore gay characters with Rico around. Dwayne's film career continued to flop around reaching new depths of awful with the release of Doom. eventually The Failure found The Mouse and made some great kids movies for Disney. whether it be as a bald roided up taxi driver, a washed up football player (lol again not acting) or a transexual tooth fairy Dwayne had made some hits. eventually Dwayne would have a string of hits thanks to fast cars as well. that’s right Dwayne was carried to decent movies by some fast vehicles much like how Billy Gunn once carried him to a decent match.
still these hits didn't make him the best. he once again came to the realization that he couldn't be the best, this time in Hollywod. Dwayne wasn't even the best pro wrestler to switch to acting with the release of the Chaperone in 2010 solidifying Triple H as the greatest wrestler turned actor ever. Dwayne knew that with Austin out, he had to make the jump back to the WWE. but how could Dwayne compete with John Cena? the answer, STEROIDS. Dwayne bulked the fuck up and made his triumphant return leading to the worst WrestleMania of all time. sure it did a great buyrate thanks to CM Punk and Randy Orton, but the show was a bust and Dwayne was to blame. a month later Dwayne having coined many new terrible catchphrases and created a gay rights activist group known as Team Bring It, celebrated his birthday on Raw. it was effectively the worst Raw ever as D-list celebrities sang terrible songs as a tribute to Dwayne. Dwayne even got wished a happy birthday from LeBron James (another guy that can't live up to the GOAT, Kobe).
with this god awful WrestleMania and Birthday Raw in the books Dwayne had effectively killed wrestling. then on June 27th 2011, wrestling was saved. finally all was great again in pro wrestling thanks to the savior himself. trying to jump on the savior's hype, the failure returned for Survivor Series 2011. where The Failure himself did what he does best and that's failed as we got a 160k domestic buyrate for his first match in 7 years. chalk it up another failure in a long list of them.
will Dwayne "The Failure" Johnson ever be the best at anything? (besides failing to be the best lol)
will The Failure stick around for WM28? or will he try to be the best at something else?
oh well I guess there’s always 2nd place.