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10 Dumbest Names For Modern WWE Wrestlers

13K views 99 replies 77 participants last post by  GetDown 
#1 ·


Credit: http://whatculture.com/wwe/10-dumbest-names-for-modern-wwe-wrestlers

Imagine how different wrestling would be if Steve Austin hadn't gone to Vince McMahon and shot down the likes of "Chilly McFreeze" and "Otto Von Ruthless" as potential ringnames in 1996. Or if Mick Foley doesn't suggest Mankind as a curious alternative to a name like "Mason the Mutilator". And wasn't professional wrestling better off for Bret Hart resisting being called "Cowboy" instead of his later choice, "The Hitman"?

Presentation is everything in wrestling, especially when it comes to a ring name. Names like Razor Ramon, Lex Luger, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, and others projected an air of danger for their portrayers, while a birth name like Brock Lesnar fits an action hero type, indicating menace from the first grunt of the B-R sound. Even if someone like Jack Swagger didn't live up to his pushes, it's at least a cool-sounding moniker.

Other times, you wonder just what in the hell WWE was thinking when it came to naming its talents. In the days before NXT became a fire-breathing entity of excitement, WWE developmental was a haven of some pretty derpy choices for character names. It's safe to say that if NXT was filled with characters possessing the following names, it wouldn't be quite as popular as it is today.

Here are some of the dumber names WWE has ever foisted upon their employees.
10. Osama Rodriguez Alejandro

You might recognize the man in the photo better as Armando Alejandro Estrada, the shady businessman with the nasally squawk that guided Umaga through a destructive 2006. Despite playing a Cuban national at that stage in his career, Estrada is actually Palestinian (real name: Hazem Ali), and his time in Ohio Valley Wrestling saw him work under the unusual name listed here.

Originally, he was simply "Osama", a bodyguard in Muhammad Hassan's squad whose name was no doubt meant to conjure up angry thoughts of Al-Qaeda less than three years after the events of September 11, 2001. When Paul Heyman took over as OVW booker, he expanded the name with the Latin affects, and "Osama" campaigned to be "Dictator of Kentucky". Not the sharpest attempt at inspiring jingoistic sentiment among fans.
9. Kenny Dykstra

As the sole survivor of the Spirit Squad implosion in late-2006, the mononymed "Kenny" stuck around on the main roster, and was going to need more than just a two syllable first name to get by. This was right around the time WWE became extremely insistent on performers not using their birth names, so the real-life Ken Doane was going to need something different.

That's where "Dykstra" came in. There's nothing wrong with the name itself, except that it was a clear play on Lenny Dykstra, the line-driving outfielder for the Mets and Phillies whose personal life was riddled with poor choices and a number of arrests. It's hard to take a wrestler seriously with such a put-on name. Who's next, Clark McGwire?
8. Abraham Washington

The ill-fated ECW-brand talk show host initially took the name in Florida Championship Wrestling, albeit with a middle name. Similar to the Osama example, Washington worked as Abraham Saddam Washington, which sandwiched the name of the infamous Iraqi President between the names of the United States' two most famous Presidents. You know, instant heel heat! Because I guess you're supposed to boo him for a middle name that presumably his parents chose for him.

Even then, Abraham Washington itself is a pretty lame name, completely lacking imagination. If you're going to go the "Presidential" route, pick two more obscure choices for a hybrid label. What about Millard Van Buren? Yeah, it's still pretty bad, but it shows more effort than what creative services had put into their badness.
7. Kassius Ohno

Apparently, blame for this one falls on Chris Hero himself. This will not be a knock on Hero's considerable talents and versatility, and it remains a shame that his WWE tenure ended so tersely in late-2013. That said, the man with a million eclectic names for the tools in his moveset could surely have come up with a better name than Kassius Ohno, couldn't he?

Long before Kevin Steen signed his WWE contract, Hero wanted to have the initials 'KO', which makes sense, given his propensity for doling out all varieties of elbow smash. Kevin, Kirk, Kurt, Kyle, etc, would have been better choices than Kassius, which is the cutesy alternate spelling for the first name of actor Brian Austin Green's son. Maybe Hero was a big Beverly Hills, 90210 fan?
6. Buddy Peacock

This one didn't come to pass, and we have William Regal to thank for that. Of all of Regal's many wonderful contributions to the wrestling industry, convincing Bryan Danielson to use the inversion of his given name as his professional identity may have been his greatest gesture. One of the alternatives was the charming choice listed here.

When Daniel Bryan was coming up with potential names for his WWE debut, the list he meted out included Buddy Peacock, combining Bryan's dad's first name, and the last name of English wrestler Steve Peacock. Bryan had a hard enough time ascending WWE's mountainside, even with fans screaming their heads off for him. Somehow, I don't see Buddy Peacock laying out Batista with the flying knee before slapping on the Yes Lock at the Superdome.
5. Lucky Cannon

Upon his arrival in FCW, he wrestled as Johnny Prime, which is a bit cliched in the "I'm a cool guy and I wrestle" vein, but it was workable. Certainly a lot better than Lucky Cannon, which conjures up memories of "Lucky Day" in the movie Three Amigos. You'd think his gimmick would be that of a silent-film actor with a name like that, but you'd be very wrong.

Come to think of it, what was Lucky Cannon's gimmick? What exactly was so 'lucky' about him? He did cut a promo on NXT about having no friends, which is probably the most memorable thing he did as a WWE employee.

After his release in August 2011, Cannon appears to have vanished from the business.
4. Michael McGillicutty

JTG talked about this one recently: why can't Joe Hennig use "Hennig" in any capacity? Mr. Perfect is a wrestler more than worth paying tribute to, and for his son to be unable to carry on the legacy with the surname is a bit of a crime.

"Curtis Axel" is a decent make-up choice, paying homage to Curt and Larry "The Ax" Hennig, and it's worlds better than his original name.

Say this about Vince McMahon, he's quite proud of his Irish heritage. So proud that he stuck Axel with the ungodly-long last name of McGillicutty, and put him over as being Mr. Perfect's son, albeit with the name McGillicutty.

The unusual choice of name didn't exactly get McGillicutty over as a strong-willed Irishman. In fact, it didn't get him over at all.
3. Cable Jones

Cable Jones never made it to the main roster, spending the bulk of 2010 wrestling in Florida Championship Wrestling before his release that November. The 6'6'", 300 pounder possessed a menacing look, with a bald head the size of a medicine ball, which makes one wonder how a person earns the first name "Cable". Maybe a game of "I Spy" among the creative folk one afternoon led to the name, when an HDMI cord was the object of choice.

Jones' gimmick played on his real-world job of a chiropractor, making him an evil doctor that dispensed pain to his victims. Say what you will about Dr. Isaac Yankem, DDS, but at least Isaac's a plausible first name. Dr. Cable Yankem sounds like the guy who disconnects your illegal Xfinity hookup.
2. Skip Sheffield

The man known today as Ryback possibly got that name from Steven Seagal's character Casey Ryback from the Under Siege movies. Kind of an odd choice for a mononym, but it sounds pretty reasonable for a grunting tough guy. Certainly it's better than Skip Sheffield, the name with which Ryback was given upon joining the original NXT cast in early-2010.

For some reason or another, Sheffield was presented as a simplistic cowboy, one who proudly took the derisive, and silly, nickname "Cornfed Meathead" for himself when William Regal offered it up as a pejorative. Besides, what kind of name is Skip Sheffield for a bronco-buster, anyhow?

Skip Sheffield is half fifty-something with a fishing boat, half aristrocrat with a keen sense of style.
1. Eli Cottonwood

So you've got a seven-foot goliath who looks like a long-haired, gothier Walt Goggins. Knowing that seven-foot monsters are at a premium, and you want to eventually find giant replacements for the aging Undertaker, Kane, and Big Show, you bring in a man like Kipp Christianson, an ex-basketball player with height that can't be taught (thanks, Enzo).

Then you give him a stupid name like Eli Cottonwood, which is sure to strike fear into the hearts of mortal men the world over. Imagine how different The Undertaker's career would have been had he debuted at Survivor Series 1990 in the same hat and trenchcoat, but his name was Rufus Peachtree.

Rufus Peachtree isn't amassing a WrestleMania win streak, and Eli Cottonwood isn't making it past NXT at its corniest.
 
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#2 ·
Dolph Ziggler and Baron Corbin not on the list?
 
#5 · (Edited)
Dolph Ziggler - Plays off if Mark Wahlberg's character from the movie 'Boogie Nights.' The character? Dirk Diggler, a well endowed pornstar. They've referenced it on WWE television. Given Dolph's connections to the porn industry, it was clearly a rib/inside joke of sorts. All things considered, he overachieved with that being his name.


Apollo Crews - Wouldn't say it's silly or a dumb name but it is obvious someone saw a buff black guy and, being a fan of the films 'Rocky 2' and 'White Chicks', decided to combine the names of Apollo Creed and Terry Crews.


+
=





Lazy but it could have been worse. :mj4
 
#86 ·
Dolph Ziggler - Plays off if Mark Wahlberg's character from the movie 'Boogie Nights.' The character? Dirk Diggler, a well endowed pornstar. They've referenced it on WWE television. Given Dolph's connections to the porn industry, it was clearly a rib/inside joke of sorts. All things considered, he overachieved with that being his name.
I thought it was a throw back to Adolf Ziegler

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolf_Ziegler
 
#15 ·
Eli was okay with his early association with Bray. Beautiful Buddy Peacock would have run wild on the divas. Brodus Clay used to be G-Rilla, which probably wouldn't have been well received on the main roster. Otunga is a far better name than Dawson Alexander, and Alex Riley was Carson Oakley ,which left a lot to be desired.
 
#18 · (Edited)
Eli was never gonna get anywhere he was almost 40 when on NXT. But hey Eli Cottonwood was gonna get him further than his real name (Kipp Christianson). But none of that really matters hes half owner of FCW now (bought it after WWE cut ties with it and renamed it Florida Hardcore Wrestling).
 
#29 · (Edited)
I liked Kenny Dykstra's name...

Anyways why Dolph Ziggler and Bo Dallas aren't on here I will never understand. Oh, and Blue Pants. What in the actual fuck.

Honorable Mention to Leakee aka Roman Reigns back in FCW. That name change was desperately needed and I applaud whoever came up with 'Roman Reigns' for him.
 
#31 ·
Kirk Angel
Chris Benoyt
Mitchell Cole
Brent Heart
Bork Lazer

:curry2
 
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