He absolutely was my best friend. It's not like I don't miss him or anything or wish he wasn't around. I've always had the ability to let people go, I don't know why. I was engaged once before my current fiance and when we broke up I was completely over her about 4 days later and we were together for almost 2 years. People have called me heartless a million times, which is the furthest thing from the truth. Although I could see why people would get that assumption. I can just accept things and let people go. And it's not like I bottle it up inside and in 10 years I'm going to have a stroke over it. Up until this year I was seeing a therapist and talking about it regularly, whatever my problems were. I think everyone should have a therapist, on tap at least.
Funny you should say that you would be hurt if someone died after a couple of meetings, my fiance met him about 4 times and it affected her WAY more than it did to me and we actually argued about it because she couldn't understand why it wasn't effecting me as much. I didn't have an answer for her and still don't. Ironically, I had a Black Lab named Alexis who died 2 years ago and when it happened I literally dropped to my knees and bawled like a baby and did for weeks after, that was my baby. I still can't look at a picture of her without crying. Same with my current Black Lab Bella. I love her more than I love myself and wouldn't hesitate to take a bullet for that dog.
I don't view myself as cold, though. I always express my emotions because it isn't healthy to keep them in. I'm not one of those guys who doesn't cry because it isn't manly or whatever macho reason some guys use. If I need to cry, I have a weep-a-thon because it's what needs to happen. My fiance has made me cry several times during our 4 years together, both from negative things and from happiness. I guess I can just compartmentalize things better than some people. I've always thought that this Hunter S. Thompson quote described me perfectly: "He who makes a beast out of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man". I fully intend on getting that tatted on me in the future, along with a line from a Mudvayne song: "I never seem to find rhythm for life's harmony". Both describe me perfectly.
That somewhat puts your feelings to a sense, your post before this just caught me really off guard.
I do know some people that don`t let deaths affect them too much, My uncles brother died a couple years ago when I was still a kid and I asked my parents why isn`t uncle crying, it`s just some people know that we all have to die and take it well.
Me on the other hand, I bawl my eyes out even if I hear about someone`s death on the news (obviously not all the time, mostly when it's a brutal accident like a murder) it`s happened many times before, and I`m pretty sure it`ll happen many times in the future, I just get really sad over deaths, If you give me a picture of a deceased and the brutal way they died in (if they did), I`ll get really sad because I look at them and say to myself "man this person looks so happy, I wonder if he knew what death would be like", because at the end of the day that person has a family who is going through hell, and I just realize that and tear up thinking about what they must be going through.