"I don't know who told you pouting was an option for you, but all you're making me feel right now is hatred of Renee Zellweger."
"Jeffrey, I am the least racist person in the world. My best friend, when I was six years old, was a black man!"
"It's Valentine's week, when the Greendale Human Being is the Cupid Being, delivering your gift to that special someone. But, remember, Cupid's face is magic marker on nylon, so love is not only blind but also dizzy and a little belligerent."
"What? That is absurd! Why would someone who's paid to do things be at Greendale?"
"Green Week was a rousing success here at Greendale. And now for our band, Greene Daeye! By the way, they're not the real Green Day. Thought we should just rip that band-aid off quickly."