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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 01-27-2013, 01:02 AM Thread Starter
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The Bobby Heenan Quotes Thread

Lets get a thread going where we gather the largest collection of Bobby Heenan quotes out there.
Here are some I gathered:

-- "Every time I have sex with my wife, it's doggy style. I sit and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."

-- "What does Sadam Hussein and pantyhose have in common? They both irritate bush."

"I've been hit so many times over the head with a chair, the top of my head smells like ass."

Bobby: It amazes me that Lou Ferrigno can talk with 15 pounds of crackers in his mouth.
Gorilla: Will you stop?!

Gorilla: Concerned look on the face of Stu and Helen Hart.
Bobby: You know why they're concerned? They snuck in. They scared the usher away.
Gorilla: Will you be serious?!


During Macho Man's wedding
Bobby: I can't wait to see what kind of cheap blue light special dress Elizabeth has on.

Bobby: The ring bearer's really a midget.

During the Tito Santana/Shawn Michaels bout at Wrestlemania

Gorilla: El Paso de le Muerte!!!

Bobby: Extra thick Pace Picante?!?!?!


Same Mania, Bobby refers to America The Beautiful singer Reba McEntire as Ariba McEntire and implies she is related to Tito Santana.


When asked what he would tell guys who are trying to get into the business today during his RF shoot interview

"Put a 38. to the roof of your mouth."


Royal Ruble 1993 on Bob Backlund with his small boots.

BH - "You know Backlund's been in there so long, when he first got in his boots were up to his knees."



Mr. Wonderful comes out with brand new theme music, and over the top operatic number with operatic vocals, which Tony Schiovane absolutely hates. A soprano voice blares over the PA and Heenan says:

Heenan: "Did you know that Mean Gene sang this part? They pulled down his pants and sat him on a block of ice."
Schiovane: "Oh jeez..."


"If you ever had your moon salted you'd know how painful that could be."

(after Juventud Guerrera took off his mask)
"Maybe that's Okerlund under there?" and later. . .
"Now when he delivers pizza, everyone will know who he is."

"You know what slows down Typhoon? Twinkies--Hostess Cupcakes."

(Talking about Typhoon)
"He uses his weight advantage at dinner."

"Doink is like Jell-o: there is always room for more."

"It's a dog eat dog world, and Mr. Perfect is a Milk Bone."

(When Bob Backlund is entering the arena)
"At 234 pounds, from Mayberry, Opie Taylor."


"If you're poor and you do something stupid, you're nuts. If you're rich and do something stupid, you're eccentric."

"You know you put too many lemons in your lemonade when you pucker too much."

Tony Schiavone: "Scott Hall is looking a little better this week."
Bobby Heenan: "It's only Monday."

"There's another way to look at this: there are 153 Villanos wrestling."
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 01-27-2013, 01:19 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The Bobby Heenan Quotes Thread

Bobby Heenan: "I figured out who the Patriot is."
Tony Schiavone: "Who?"
BH: "Where is he from?"
TS: "Washington, DC."
BH: "It's Al Gore."

Mike Tenay: "He's got Roman numerals on his trunks."
Bobby Heenan: "His numerals shouldn't be roamin'."

Mike Tenay: "What took us so long to come to Chapel Hill?"
Bobby Heenan: "We couldn't find it."

(Talking about Tony Schiavone)
"Next week I'll be on the Cartoon Network with pictures of your last date."

(Talking about Jim Duggan)
"He's has a disadvantage when he wakes up."

"What good is shaking your hands? If you want to shake something, put your hands together and wrap them around your opponent's head."

"I remembered when Tony came to WCW. He took the mask off and his career skyrocketed."

"You spend nine years in a hardcore punk band--of course you'd be deaf."

Mike Tenay: "Just who is the leader of the nWo?"
Bobby Heenan: "I'm not sure, but I wouldn't be surprised if Tony Danza comes out."
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 01-27-2013, 02:02 AM
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Re: The Bobby Heenan Quotes Thread

-During WrestleMania 9 in the match with Hogan/Beefcake vs Money Inc. right after Beefcakes accident when he had to get screws in his face. I'm just going by memory so it may be off a little.

Heenan: What's that sound?
Vince or Gorilla: I beg your pardon?
Heenan: When Beefcake gets hit, it sounds like a trip to the hardware store, I can hear the screws moving!
Vince or Gorilla: How dare you say such a thing! You're talking like he's a robot, that man is a human being!

-During the Survivor Series 91 first Survivor match when Piper and Flair were feuding when both teams were done being introduced and were talking smack at each other.

Gorilla or Vince: Oh yeah, Piper wants some of Flair you can see him pointing at him.
Heenan: He doesn't want any part of Flair, he's pointing to the guy selling Cokes and peanuts.

Heenan always makes me laugh. Wish there was a commentator like him again.
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