Breaking News: Local Wrestling Fan Contemplates Suicide
This is Crossface reporting from wrestlingforum.com. Mass shock and fear has spread throughout the internet as legions of wrestling fans stare in horror at the terrifying events unfolding on their computer monitors. Rumours are circling that adored wrestling historian Austin101 may be approaching his final moments. Multiple witnesses have revealed breathtaking footage with dramatic implications:
"Hello everybody, this is my final night on the forum. I just wanted to say thanks to all of you for reading and commenting on my reviews. Where I'm going doesen't matter but I'll miss you all."
One fan in particular has been inspired by this great man. We've followed his journey and he made one last plea:
"Austin101 don't do it...people here really care about you. Dude, the forum's future lies in your hands. Who will we turn to when we need to learn of Bret Hart's technical ingenuity? Who will we turn to when we need the greatest wrestling historian of our time to observe our flaws? Who will we TURN TO when we desire the inspirational, scholar written wrestling reviews of which your legacy has been founded upon? Such masterpieces must not be kept from us. Elegance, intelligence and a general flawlessness. Whenever we feel down, we always know we have at least one shoulder to cry on. Until now. We love you, we need you, we depend on you. Where there is tragedy there is still hope and through this hope we can overcome all obstacles that face us. Together, we can brave this cruel world and survive at least another day. For we are wrestling fans and we will stand the test of time.
Please, Brett, hold on for just a little longer. For us.
Riots are forming, babies are crying and Austin101's archiving is approaching a dramatically stagnant rate. We have one last chance to convince wrestling's finest connoisseur that his absence would be unbearable. If Austin101 has ever touched you (either figuratively or literally), then here is the place to share your story. A dark day could be approaching. Only through one united Internet Wrestling Community movement could we possibly stop the devastating consequences of such a tragedy.
We now head up to Mike for the weather forecast...