I figured I would do a Be The Booker dream promotion so without further ado, the debut episode of the flagship TV show Collision which takes place at the Collision Zone.
*crowd cheers as the lights come up in the arena, to show a single suited figure in the ring*
Andrew: Thank you, thank you all, and welcome to Ultimate Wrestling Federation's debut broadcast of Collision...
*crowd cheers louder*
Andrew: ...live, from the Collision Zone here at the Williams Arena in Minneapolis, MN!!
*crowd cheer louder at the namedrop*
Andrew: over the course of the evening, we will be revealing the exciting roster we have, and building to our first PPV, Day of Reckoning. Right now, i would like to call out UWF's first talent pick, ladies and gentleman, Hulk... Hooooooooooogaaaaaaaaaaan!
*Hogan makes his way to the ring, slapping hands with the fans on the way, then spend 2 minutes posing and posturing before asking for a mic, as Steve looks on*
Hogan: wow, thank you, brother, for that introduction, man. it's great to be here, and to be part of UWF, dude.
Andrew: that's good to know, Hulk...
Hogan: and i'm honored to be named the first UWF Heavyweight Champion, Brother, and i will hold the title with pride, and defend with honor
*crowd again cheer, and a "Hogan" chant begins, until Andrew signals for the crowd to quiet down
Andrew: again, that's good to know. but, you see, you're not the UWF Heavyweight Champion, "Brother"
*gasps from the crowd, followed by boos. Hogan looks confused*
Hogan: what are you talking about, Andrew? we agreed to this...
Andrew: yes, we did. we agreed that you would be gifted a first run with the UWF title. but you've been around long enough to know that things change. and things definitely change after interviews like this...
*Andrew points to the Titantron, where footage of the Hogan interview with Pat Lennon plays. as it finishes, he turns back to Hogan, who still looks confused, as the crowd continues to boo*
Andrew: what you see there is two people that i am paying. i paid Lennon to give you the spots to push UWF on an international stage. he gave you the lead-in questions for you to say you are now a part of the greatest promotion in the history of wrestling, or Vince McMahon's "sports entertainment" bullshit, and you didn't! even with that jumped up little ass kisser giving you massive hints at what you should have said, you, Hulk Hogan, were either too egotistical to realize you need to promote us, or too stupid and just promoted yourself.
*crowd boo louder and jeer Andrew*
Hogan: Listen, Andrew...
Andrew: no, to you, and all of you...
*points out to the crowd and walks around in a circle as he says it*
Andrew: ...it's Mister Deegan. You, Hogan, should be grateful that i was willing to take you on after the mess you made of that company in Tampa. and all of you should be grateful that i have bought my promotion to your backwater, inbred little town
*louder jeers and chants of "get the fuck out", Andrew smiles*
Andrew: oh, don't worry, i'll be out of here as soon as i can get out, but first, i have some business. so, Hogan, i am not going to gift you the title. you will earn it, in a title match at Day of Reckoning, against an opponent to be selected, by ME. But for now, you can do your little pose down, you can show off your new back, your new hips, which i paid for, old man...
*more loud jeers as Hogan's jaw clenches in anger*
Andrew: ...show that you are almost the Hogan of your prime, but just remember one thing.
*Andrew steps faces to face with Hogan, and pokes his finger into Hogan's chest with every following word*
Andrew: remember. who. you. work. for.
*Hogan steps back, fuming as a sly smile plays across Andrew's face. Hogan raises his right hand to punch, and the smile disappears off Andrew's face almost as quickly as he manages to drop and roll out of the ring and just before Hogan gets to the ropes to exit the ring*
*crowd explodes as music hits and Brock Lesnar alongside Paul Heyman head towards the ring*
Heyman: Hogan, Hogan, Hogan. You just don't get it, do you. You just can't seem to understand that you sir, are the biggest douchebag backstage politician in professional wrestling history and all you people know it, but myself and my client understand. You are either too scared....... or too stupid to admit it.
*crowd boos loudly*
Heyman: Thank you for your irrelevant opinion. Anyway, You're gonna learn real fast that your crap you have brought into other companies will not be welcome here and if you think for one second that...
*crowd explodes as Brock Lesnar grabs the mic out of Heyman's hand*
Lesnar: Hulk, The only reason you were king of the WWE and headlined the first 8 WrestleMania's back at Vince McMahon's circus is because I was still a kid and I wasn't even remotely relevant. You see, eleven years ago, I TOOK YOU OUT!!! And Mr. Deegan, if I get the chance to face this scum of the earth, I will without a doubt do it......... AGAIN!!
*mixed reaction from the crowd*
Andrew: that's it, keep a lid on your "client", there, Heyman.
*the smile returns to Andrew's face*
Andrew: see, i had a feeling, and i told McCracken this too, that you would screw us over, Hogan. i just didn't think it would be before you even stepped foot in the ring.(laughs)
*louder boos from the crowd*
Andrew: so, Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman are out here because, unlike you, THEY read your contract. basically, what it says is, you lay a hand on me, the owner of UWF, and not only do you forfeit your title opportunity, not only do you lose your job here, not only do you lose your money, but you owe me damages. and trust me, i will screw you harder and longer than Heather Clem ever did
*gasps from the crowd, as Hogan first stops in shock, then continues to try and get around Paul Heyman, as Andrew walks away laughing back up the ramp*
Andrew: enjoy the rest of the show, folks!
*Andrew drops the mic, and continues to laugh as the boos get louder.*
*crowd pop again as the sprinklers go off and Goldberg emerges from them, and makes his way to the ring. Warrior has been handed a mic and Goldberg is handed one as he enters*
*crowd chant "Goldberg"*
Warrior: The stars are lined up right tonight! I am in my realm! Can you feel that? Can you feel that? Can you feel that? Oh my god, I know I feal that! Yeah, I feel it! I feel it good! I am the Warrior! And all my warriors out there feel it too! Tonight as the stars aline in my favor, I will be the victor! And to you ask why this might be? Well the son of all temptation will tell you why! Because I am the Warrior! Do you still feel it?!? Oh, I know I do! The warriors are all in their seats! They STILL feel it! And I know you all do too! When I come to the ring I call domination's liar... I will come out on top And when my hand is raised showing I am the victor, All enternity will shine in my rectum of imagination that is known as The Warrior! I am the Warrior! I am the freakin Warrior! GOLDBERG!!!!!! GOLDBERG!!!!!! I am going to make you feel it tonight Goldberg! I am the Warrior! I AM THE WARRIOR! Goldberg, when the warriors go against the hulksers, there can only be one... And with the stars and planets of this universe in my favour, I will be the one to win in the end! THE WARRIOR IS HERE MY FRIENDS! OH FEEL IT!
*crowd cheer louder as Goldberg looks from Warrior, to his left, to his right then back at Warrior, then hits Warrior with a stiff clotheslines. crowd collectively go "ohhhhhhh!" as Goldberg then kneels down next to Warrior and raises the mic to his lips*
Goldberg: You're next....
*crowd cheer then chant "Goldberg" as he drops the mic next to a prone Warrior, smirks at the crowd and walks away*
Collision returns from break
PM: welcome back folks, i'm Phil McCracken, alongside our Spanish Legend, Pedro Phile. we're so glad you've invited us into your homes. all the team in UWF have been extensively going around the world, pushing the best wrestling promotion of the modern era.
PP: si, we have been all over
PM: though, you chose to do the tour of Thailand, for some reason...
PP: less said, the better, mi amigo. so, what you've missed if you're just joining us...
PM: yes, we kicked off the show with the owner of UWF coming to the ring to introduce the legend that is Hulk Hogan, who showed what an ungrateful son of a bitch he is during his recent tour of the UK...
*cuts to footage of Hogan in UK, no mention of UWF in any of his interviews, even when pressed*
PP: to be fair to him, when he did say to anyone over there if they knew of UWF, they did think he was talking about David Cameron.
PM: well, nevertheless, that was followed by another returning Legend, The Ultimate Warrior, who immediately after his win was attacked by Goldberg, which forced Mister Deegan to create a match for them at the Day of Reckoning Pay-Per-View. and it has an interesting stipulation.
PP: si, it has a 5 minute time-limit, and if there is no winner by then, both men will be kicked out of UWF.
PM: five minutes? there's nearly ten times as long as both of these guys normally take.
*Mister Deegan looks at Hart quizzically, eyebrow raised, then leans back in his chair*
AD: say that again... ssssssslllllloooowwwweeeerrrr.....
*Hart takes a deep breath*
JH: mister Deegan, baby, i would like you to reconsider not having the big man, Hulk Hogan, as the first UWF Heavyweight Champion, of ALL time, baby. if anyone is deserving of that accolade, it's the man behind Hulkamania, which is running wild all over UWF, baby, and you know it's true...
*Mister Deegan laughs*
AD: you are right, there is no bigger guy who would represent UWF as it's heavyweight champion...
JH: exactly baby, you know it makes sense.
AD: of course. but, what if i were to say, there is another?
JH: i'd ask if you were Yoda...
AD: i'll tell you what, Jimmy. i'll put Hogan in a match, tonight, against a local talent. if he win, i'll reveal who he will face at Day of Reckoning. if he loses, then the guy i have in mind will be named the UWF Heavyweight Champion next week. deal?
JH: ohmygosh, Mister Deegan, yes we have a deal baby, i'm going to go tell the Hulkster right now, baby...
*Hart opens the door and puts his megaphone to his mouth*
JH: HEY, HULK BABY, YOU BETTER HAVE YOUR GEAR, WE GOT A MATCH TONIGHT. TIME FOR THE BIG TIME BABY...
*Hart walks away, Mister Deegan reaches for the phone and presses one button*
AD: Yeah, it's me. i know i said you could just watch the show tonight from your box, but you will have some work to do, so be ready.
*Mister Deegan hangs up, leans back in his chair and smiles to himself as the camera fades*
RA: and his opponent, coming down the aisle, weighting 307 pounds, from Venice Beach, California, the Immortal, Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuulk, Hooooooooooooogaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
*Hogan makes his way down to the ring, tears open his shirt, poses for a minute and a halk, then heads to his corner. the bell rings to signal the start of the match, with Hogan quickly taking control. 2 minutes later, he bodyslams Less to the ground, signals for the Leg Drop of Doom, performs it and pins the jobber for the 1,2,3*
*Hogan stands, briefly celebrates with the crowd, then calls for a mic. once he is handed one, he signals for his music to stop*
HH: Cut the music, Jack...
*Music stops, Hogan chants slowly dies down as the crowd wait to hear what he has to say*
HH: Okay, "Mister" Deegan, dude. you said if i won the match, you would tell me who i'm facing at Day of Reckoning. so come on, brother, let's see who's going to face me, and ALL these Hulkamaniacs....
HH: for the UWF Heavyweight Championship...
AD: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
*crowd boo loudly at that as Deegan walks out from behind the curtain and stands at the top of the stage*
AD: you don't get it, do you Hogan? you're not in control here. you have no say in anything; matches, what you do, when you work, how often. you do what i say, when i say. if i say jump, you're allowed to ask two questions; how high, and what if i break my new hips.
*crowd boo louder*
AD: you should not have won that match. not because that guy is better than you, but because someone didn't do their job... and trust me, they will pay for that. but, i am a man of my word, so, here's the guy who will beat you for the UWF Heavyweight Championship at Day of Reckoning...
*crowd cheer as Deegan stands to the side and points at the entrance. the music continues, but no one comes out. Hogan comes closer to the rope nearest the entrance ramp, then suddenly, a guy in a Idaho Stampede basketball jersey jumps the barrier and slides into the ring*
PP: Ay dios mio
PM: that's... that's John Cena! he can't be the guy, surely?!
*Cena stalks Hogan. as the boos get louder, Hogan finally steps back and turns into Cena, who lifts him onto his shoulders and smirks at the crowd, then waves his hand in front of his face*
PM: he's got him on his shoulders, that can only mean...
*Cena throws Hogan over his shoulder onto his back on the mat, crowd boos*
PM: FU! he just hit the FU on Hogan!
PP: Hijo de puta!
PM: you said it Pedro. what will happen next week, in the Collision Zone
*camera fades to black as Cena bends over a prone Hogan, doing his "U Can't C Me" pose*
*boos as Cena makes his way down to the ring, big smile on his face as he fakes saluting the fans, then flips them the bird*
JC: How y'all DOIN' tonight?!
JC: ha! you think I care? I put up with your boos for 7 years in that circus in Stamford , your opinions don't mean a damn thing to me...
*even louder boos*
JC: I got my nice house, loads of hot cars, and, hey guys, seriously, if I wanted your girlfriend, slash wife slash sister, even if she's stood with you now booing me too, I could have her...
*boos grow as Cena first walks around the ring laughing, then stops, winks at a hot girl in the front row, then points to her as he looks to the ramp*
JC: hey, someone make sure she's in my dressing room after the show tonight. i'll show you I can rise above more than hate, if you know what i'm talkin' about.
*girl flips Cena the bird*
JC: oh, that's cold, especially since i'm probably your best chance of getting out of this dumb town. in any case, i'm not here to pull some skank, i'm here, because I got business. see, last week, I was supposed to be just taking it easy. I was going to watch the show, have a beer or two, some dip, all in my box. but then, I got a call...
*Cena looks around the crowd, who have stopped booing and are listening intently*
JC: Mister Deegan called me while I was sat in my box, watching what had happened. not the Warrior match that was over quicker than sex for a guy suffering PE, but the start of the show. the one where Mister Deegan unveiled Hogan as "the main attraction". and Hogan was supposed to be the main attraction. see, all I was guaranteed when I signed up to UWF was that I would get the first title shot against Hogan at The Wound That Never Heals. I still get that, but now, because Hogan was a jackass during his press junket, he's lost the advantage he would have had going into that match...
JC: and i'm happy to announce that, after a word with Mister Deegan today, a stipulation has been added to the match, which is....
*certain members of the crowd actually lean in to hear the announcement*
JC: ...something i'll reveal to you and Hogan when we're in a better arena than the Collision Zone
JC: boo all you want, it doesn't change the fact that, come Day of Reckoning, i'll be the UWF Heavyweight Champion, and Hogan will be able to join his old hips; on the scrapheap
PM: strong words there from the doctor of Thuganomics. hello again, everyone. i'm Phil McCracken, usually joined by my broadcast partner Pedro Phile, but he's currently being talked to by Thai officials... but boy do we have a show for you tonight, stay tuned for details, after these messages.