The moment you've all been waiting for. The man Vince McMahon decided to pick up the phone and call was none other than...JIM CROCKETT. SWERVE!
Nah, the person he called was Vince Russo, just thought I'd set the tone already
PRESS CONFERENCE HOSTED BY VINCE ON WWE.COM
: We here at the WWE feel that Monday Night Raw has been lacking EXCITEMENT in recent months, and I have decided that drastic measures need be taken. So without further ado, I introduce to you the man I have brought back to the WWE to shake this company up....VINCE RUSSO
: wwe.com? If you want to hear my thoughts, buy my latest RF video shoot, it's only the 14th I've done this year. I'm not hear to talk a whole bunch of hyperbole and bull, I just want you all to know RIGHT NOW that I GUARANTEE YOU that today is the day that the WWE became current once again in modern culture, today shall henceforth be known as VINCE RUSSO DAY. Starting this Monday night on Raw, I will show you all exactly what a world created by Vince Russo looks like. Thank you.
So, I'm not going to write this as a straight-up parody like WWE the Sitcom, this will be pretty much as realistic as possible, with the hook being it's a modern Russo-written WWE. Well, there'll be some stuff that stretches the imagination, BUT THIS IS FANTASY DAMMIT
I'm only going to be writing Raw & PPVs. In this UNIVERSE, Smackdown, NXT etc still exist, but we'll just work with the pretext that nothing that happens on those shows means anything, so you don't need to read them. Hell, just for interests sake, we'll say HHH is 100% in charge of NXT and runs it as a territory to feed into WWE, but Raw is strictly RUSSO, BABY.
Here's THE ROSTER:
: Drew McIntyre, Epico, Ezekiel Jackson, Jinder Mahal, JTG, Primo, Ted diBiase, Yoshi Tatsu, Aksana, Tamina Snuka
Promoted from NXT
: Kassius Ohno, Paige
Alberto Del Rio, Alex Riley, Antonio Cesaro, Big E Langston, The Big Show, Bo Dallas, Brad Maddox, Brock Lesnar, Brodus Clay, Chris Jericho, Christian, CM Punk, Cody Rhodes, Curt Hawkins, Damien Sandow, Daniel Bryan, Darren Young, David Otunga, Dean Ambrose, Derrick Bateman, Dolph Ziggler, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Evan Bourne, Fandango, The Great Khali, Heath Slater, Hornswoggle, Jack Swagger, Jey Uso, Jimmy Uso, Jinder Mahal, John Cena, Justin Gabriel, Kane, Kassius Ohno, Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, Mason Ryan, Michael McGillicutty, The Miz, R-Truth, Randy Orton, Rey Mysterio, Ricardo Rodriguez, Rob Van Dam, Roman Reigns, Ryback, Santino Marella, Seth Rollins, Sheamus, Sin Cara, Tensai, Titus O'Neil, Triple H, Tyson Kidd, The Undertaker, Wade Barrett, William Regal, Zack Ryder
AJ Lee, Alicia Fox, Brie Bella, Cameron, Kaitlyn, Layla, Naomi, Natalya, Paige, Nikki Bella, Rosa Mendes
Commentary: Michael Cole & JBL
General Manager: to be announced THIS MONDAY ON RAW
WELCOME BACK, CHOSEN ONE