The Wrestling Wars
January 1st, 2013
A camera is on, inside an old weatherboard house, where we see a sad looking, distraught man, in an all black suit that would have been in fashion ten years ago. The man has short grey hair, and his stubble is all over the place, looking almost as though heís given up on taking care of himself. In the background we can see some shelves filled with aging canned food. Upon a proper look around, it is noticeable that the man is actually sitting in a bomb shelter. The man gets up, and ducks out of screen shot for a second, presumably checking to see if the camera is actually switched on, before he sits back on his stiff stool.
???: 2012? The end of the world? Whether it was the Arabs, whether it was the Christians, whether it was global warming, the world was supposed to end. Has it actually ended? I couldnít tell you. My wife and kids all I thought I was nuts, but I decided to hide out in my bomb shelter just south of Carolina.
The fact that Iím still here makes me think the world hasnít ended, but Iím not going to pop my head out just in case. For all I know I could pop my head out and Satan himself could be standing around, waiting for me with his pitch fork, because god knows, Iíve committed a few sins throughout my time.
I donít want anybody, if anybody is actually out there, to get the wrong idea. Iím not afraid of anything, but before I deal with the demons outside, I need to deal with the demons that infiltrate my head every single day of my life.
Because you see, my world, my REAL world ended a long time ago. My world ended on the day that the REAL Satan, Vincent Kennedy McMahon purchased World Championship Wrestling.
For those of you who donít know, Vince McMahon is the owner of the World Wrestling Entertainment, formerly known as the World Wrestling Federation. And as far as heís concerned, he would love everybody to believe that the WWE has been the dominant force in all of sports entertainment for over fifty years... But do you know what that is? Itís BULLSHIT!
WCW was the premiere wrestling company for a long time, and I consider myself to be a huge part of that. For one reason or another, eventually WCW fell apart and lead to all of our programming being dropped from the AOL-Time Warner network. I tried and tried and TRIED to muster up the money to purchase WCW and keep it running myself, but it just didnít happen. Instead Vince McMahon purchased WCW, and within months he shitted all over the legacy that I helped build.
Hell, who cares about me? Vince McMahon shitted on every great wrestler who ever wrestled under the NWA/WCW banner...
And since then, whatís really happened? The WWE and Vince McMahon have gotten lazy, because they donít have any REAL competition. The wrestling talent put on the same old matches every week, the storylines are no longer enthralling and entertaining, the professional wrestling industry has become a joke, and it kills me inside that little bit more each day.
So I donít want to leave my little shelter here and see whatís happening in the real world. I want to stay in here and live inside my head, because thereís something I need to do, just to prove I could have done it. As of now, Iím going to give everybody a play by play of what would have happened had I been able to purchase WCW... Because WCW would have overcome the WWE once again.
Fuck the industry as it is today, fuck the WWE, fuck TNA, and fuck the Indies... Iím Eric Bischoff... and this is how things should have gone...
A damn near maniacal Eric Bischoff just stares into the camera for awhile, before he slowly, almost robotically, gets to his feet, and switches off the camera.