Re: The Wrestling Wars
February 15, 2001
We are in a room full of reporters, all donned in their suits, trying to look as important as can be. The room is jam packed, and everybody in there either has a microphone or tape recorder in their hands. Right at the back of the room, a few lucky fans have managed to sneak in, all wearing their old school WCW t-shirts. There’s a slight buzz reverberating throughout the room, however it picks up massively, and cameras start flashing, as the new owner of World Championship Wrestling Eric Bischoff steps onto centre stage. Bischoff is dressed in a flashy, business like, black suit, and flanked by two tough looking security guards. Bischoff walks behind the podium, adjusts the microphone to the correct position for his height, and then flashes a quick toothy grin.
Eric Bischoff: Firstly, I’d like to thank everybody for attending this press conference tonight... I know these things aren’t exactly everybody’s cup of tea, and I promise to not keep everybody here too long. But I’m pretty sure everybody in this room has one thing in common with myself, we all want World Championship Wrestling to succeed!
Bischoff pauses for a moment, as some excited whispering can be heard from many of the people in attendance.
Eric Bischoff: WCW isn’t just WCW... WCW isn’t just about me; WCW isn’t just about the current wrestlers. WCW is about a legacy that is greater than any other wrestling company or association in the world. The WCW is about the National Wrestling Alliance, the NWA; WCW is about the legends of this business...
Easy E stops for a moment again, thinking before continuing.
Eric Bischoff: And I want to promise everybody that I didn’t purchase WCW just because I want to own a wrestling company. I didn’t buy WCW because I wanted to be in the spotlight again. I didn’t buy WCW to dethrone the ‘almighty’ Vince McMahon... although I must admit that would, better yet that WILL be rather sweet.
Eric lets off a little smirk at this statement, whilst a few interested glances can be seen in the audience.
Eric Bischoff: But the real reason why I purchased WCW is because I love the wrestling business. I love EVERY little thing about the wrestling business, and I refuse to let those guys up in New York kill the business. I want to bring the art of wrestling and the art of in ring psychology back to this business. I want to turn this business back into what I fell in love with as a kid, and I plan to do it the RIGHT way.
A few more murmurs can be heard, as it seems as if Bischoff is about to get to the juicy stuff.
Eric Bischoff: Yeah, yeah, I’ll be the first to admit, during my previous times at the helm of the company, I’ve made some errors. I constantly put my friends first, only ever cared about ratings, and I didn’t exactly help the younger, unproven talent of the company to excel... But things will be different this time. As much as I love the Ric Flairs and Scott Steiners of WCW, and as much as they will continue to be valuable assets to the company, I want to make new stars. I want to make new stars that will revolutionise the business and take it to the next level from what it is today!
Bischoff pauses again, a certain gleam in his eye, proving to the reporters in attendance that he’s not talking shit.
Eric Bischoff: That’s why I’m using my position to make some huge changes to WCW immediately. I fired Vince Russo because he’s washed up... I’ve got us a place to put on shows in Orlando, Florida, and I refuse to confuse personal issues with business issues. I refuse to pay all my friends and all the big names a whole bunch of money just for everybody to get lazy. As of last week, everybody associated with WCW is on a performance based contract. That means if you don’t perform, you won’t get that much money. It’s a controversial decision and its causes guys like Hogan, Nash and Hall to walk out on the company... but that just proves they’re not worth the new WCW’s time!
The owner of WCW seems pretty fired up at this point, as everybody still listens intently.
Eric Bischoff: Anyway, I don’t want to give too much away at this time, I just wanted to give everybody a little bit of an idea of what I’m going to try and do with the new WCW... And speaking of the new WCW, as everybody would know by now, it has been announced that we will be returning to television on FX on May 6, 2001... But what everybody doesn’t know is that we’re not just going to give you an episode of Nitro or Thunder, this is a new beginning, so we will be giving the WCW faithful a rebirth pay per view. It will be titled “The Big Bang”, and it will emanate from Orlando, Florida!
There’s a louder gossip throughout the room now, as Bischoff nods appreciatively. Everybody seems to be happy with his announcement, and he seems to be happy with the reception his announcement has received.
Eric Bischoff: The match card and everything that will take place at “The Big Bang” will be released at a later date, but I make a personal guarantee that this historical event cannot be missed! Now, as promised, I’ll have some question time, if anybody has any questions they would like to ask?
Bischoff stands in front of all, a confident figure, waiting for some questions to come his way...
All of a sudden, this fat, slightly tanned mother fucker with a WWF t-shirt and a Kane mask on rushes the stage. He does the same motion that Kane does when he sets of his pyro, and then attempts to Chokeslam Bischoff, just being an absolute dick. Security grabs him, and Bischoff grabs the guy’s wallet, and checks out his id.
The cunt can be seen yelling “KANE AND D’LO BROWN ARE BEST WRESTLERS EVAH”!!!
Eric Bischoff: You, my friend, are RETARDED!
The man then gets dragged off the stage, his shirt that’s two sizes to small showing off his fat gut.
Eric Bischoff: Any other questions?
Nobody comes forward, and Bischoff smirks.
Eric Bischoff: Okay, thanks to everybody for coming along... and one last warning, get ready. Because Eric Bischoff’s new and improved World Championship Wrestling is about to usher in the new era of professional wrestling!
Easy E then casually walks off the stage, leaving everybody buzzing...