Bwahaha. This thread is pure FOOLISHNESS, and you know it.
All the while, the foolishness is what makes it so... unique! Haha.
Might as well drop some pred'ies while I'm here:
2. Jerry Lawler
3. KANE! ... Idk. Russo?
4. No Idea.
5. Definitely thinking it'll be Awesome if it doesn't get crashed.
The guest is definitely some transgender pop star. Lady Gaga?
(J/K, it's Beiber.)
& I'd definitely rather see Sheen than Schneider. I would stop reading forever if he showed up. I can't stand that guy.
I'm Back To Booking! Check Out My New BTB: ▪ WWE: Power, Prestige, PASSION. ▪
(Click The Text, Budd.)
------------------ "It's A PUNK Party!!" WWE SUMMERSLAM HAS BEEN POSTED!!
(Click "Summerslam" To See The SHOW!)
In case you haven't noticed, I'm a total mark for the Georgia font.
We see an establishing shot of outside the Neo-Nazi headquarters. It is clearly an out-of-business 7/11 with the Nazi emblem hungover the old store sign. The Neo-Nazi's are sat around the counter, when NaziCena runs in holding an envelope, buzzing with excitement.
Cena: Yes! Yes! Yes!
Daniel Bryan pokes his head in the door.
Bryan: Hey, that's my catchphrase!
Canned laughter. Bryan exits again.
Neo Nazi #1: Führer Cena, what has you so excited?
Cena: We just...got accepted...to go on...
Neo Nazi #2: Yes, yes?!
Cena: FAMILY FEUD!
NaziCena and the Neo-Nazi's all jump around whilst holding hands, like excited little girls.
Cena: Now, our world domination can really kick into gear. Playtime...is over.
Neo Nazi #3: I wonder who our opponents will be on the show?
Cena: Oh nobody important, I'm sure.
Cut to CM Punk and his family (Father Punk, Mother Punk, Sister Punk and CM Punk) holding their "Weekly Straight Edge Meeting"
Father Punk: So we're agreed, tomorrow we torch the Budweiser factory. Any further business?
Punk: Oh yeah, we accepted to go on Family Feud this week.
Father Punk: Excellent, now we can spread to the world our message of Straight Edge Supremacy.
Punk: Let's just hope we don't end up competiting agaisnt..I dunno...Nazi's!
The Punk family share a laugh as we head to the opening credits.
Opening credits. This week's theme song: What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction.
Scene Two, Ryback is sat in a doctor's office.
Doctor: You...want to enter the Olympics?
Doctor: Well, you've tested positive for steroids. Extremely positive for steroids. In fact, you've tested positive for steroids twice, and we only took one test.
Ryback is playing with his gum, not paying attention.
Ryback: Uh huh, uh huh. So I was thinking of going for the 200 meter sprint...
Doctor: Sir...I cannot give you permission to enter the Olympics.
Ryback snaps upon hearing this. We see things from his POV, which is a Terminator-style robotic outlook. His target zones in on the doctor, and "KILL" flashes on screen over and over. Ryback picks up the doctor, and literally snaps him in 2, blood flying everywhere. The doctor is screaming in intense, unbearable pain, as the studio audience laugh uncontrollably.
Ryback: Olympics...here I come...
Scene Three, inside JFK Airport. Daniel Bryan, AJ and Kane have just gotten off their plane. Kane is trying to make jokes to lighten the mood, but Bryan and AJ are both in a sour mood, with angry scowls on their faces.
Kane: Ha, so, ha, what about...those airplane peanuts, eh? Ha ha, those things sucked...huh? Sheesh...tough crowd! Ha ha. And those pillows?! I've slept on more comfortable lumps of...crap. Ha ha. Huh? Am I right?
AJ: (snapping) Kane, please, it's been a long flight, let's just get to the studio and find out who the father is.
Bryan: The studio? What?
AJ: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you...since we spent so much money on the wedding, I can't afford the DNA test...so we're going on Maury Povich.
Bryan: A national talk show?! This is ludicrous...LUDICROUS!
The studio audience laugh and the camera zooms out as Bryan, AJ and Kane continue to argue.
Scene Four, Vince (of course wearing only his stained underpants) is sat in an empty office, speaking to himself in a mirror.
Vince: Well if it isn't Vince McMahon, you son of a bitch.
Mirror Vince: What happened to you? You used to have balls the size of steroid-aided grapefruits. Now you've just got 2 withered raisins down there.
Vince: I WAS ABDUCTED BY ALIENS, YOU SON OF A BITCH. The stress...1000 episodes...I can't do it anymore!
Mirror Vince somehow slaps real Vince.
Mirror Vince: Snap out of it, you son of a bitch. YOU'RE VINCE MCMAHON, DAMN IT. Sure the WBF failed, but that wasn't your fault. Sure the XFL was a colossal failure, but that wasn't your fault. Sure the WWE Network is going to be a humongous flop, that won't be your fault either! Maybe it's time you started over again! I want you to walk into those Stamford Headquarters, and apply for a job, on the front desk, answering phones, and build your way up again! CAN YOU DO IT, YOU SON OF A BITCH? Have you got one last round left in you, you son of a bitch?!
Vince: Yeah...YEAH! I CAN DO THIS. I. AM. MCMAHOOOONNNNNNNNNN!!!
The studio audience roar their support as Vince runs out of the room, his arms and legs flailing wildly.
Scene Five, Vince Russo and Shane McMahon are being interviewed by Fox News political commentator Bill O'Reilly.
Bill: America, I love America. I support guns. I hate foreign people. I SHOUT LOUDLY TO WIN ARGUMENTS. Okay, pinheads. Why should people vote for you? You both have 3 seconds to convince our audience.
Russo: Well, a vote for Rus...
Bill: Okay, time's up. Shane?
Shane: Hello, ladies and gentlemen. A vote...
Bill: Interesting, you both raise good points. But what do you think of the breaking news?
Shane: Breaking news? What breaking news?
Bill: A new, annonymous third candidate has entered the election.
Russo: Who is it?!
Bill: Well if I knew who it was, they wouldn't be annonymous then, would they, pinhead? GUNS. AMERICA. I HATE TERRORISTS.
Shane: Listen here, Russo, there's no competiting with an annonymous candidate...we'll have to join forces to win this thing.
Russo: I dunno. I'll need...exactly one week to think about it, then I'll get back to you.
Shane: ...you fucking douchebag.
CONFIRMED TO PERFORM LIVE AT SUMMERSLAM: "The Baddest Man on the Planet" JUSTIN BIEBER!
Act Two, Scene Six. The Punk Family and NaziCena & The Neo-Nazi's are lined up and ready for their episode of Family Feud. Host Steve Harvey looks uncomfortable.
Harvey: Can you believe this, viewers?! A family on nazi's against a family of straight-edge believers. It don't get more crazy than this, I tell ya...
The studio audience laugh and clap, but NaziCena looks irritated.
Cena: SILENCE! PLAYTIME IS OVER.
NaziCena and CM Punk head to the podium for the opening question.
Harvey: Okay...we asked 100 people, name a famous murderer.
CM Punk presses the buzzer before NaziCena can press his.
Punk: Chris Ben...
Suddenly, we cut to TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.
Scene Seven, The Miz is in the grocery store with Kelly Kelly, Eve, Layla and Alicia Fox. Miz is pushing a shopping cart as the Diva's cling on to his every word.
Miz: So then the doctor told me, you don't have Syphilis, you just have to stop putting your penis in the barbeque!
The Divas and Miz share a great laugh. As they turn the corner, they bump into Kofi Kingston.
Kofi: Hey, imagine seeing you guys here! So...uh...you buying some groceries for the big house party?
Miz: It's not a "big house party", Kingston, you idiot, it's the BIGGEST House Party of the Summer. And you're still not invited.
Kofi: Why nottttt? I'm cool! Remember that time I beat up Randy Orton?
Miz: Shut up, Kingston. I've hired the APA to be security at the door, so you have no chance in hell of getting into my party. Now get out of my way, we have to buy Lucky Charms, Hornswoggle's invited.
Kofi: You invited that little annoying shit, but not me?!
Miz: I said, get out of the way, LOSER.
Miz and the Divas barge Kofi out of the way and laugh. Kofi looks determined.
Kofi: I'll be at that party...mark my words.
Voice from the overhead system: Kingston, we need you mop up a spillage on aisle seven.
Kofi: (quickly putting his orange vest back on) I'LL BE RIGHT THERE, SIR!
Scene Eight, Vince is being interviewed for a job in Stamford Headquarters by John Lauranitis. Lauranitis is in a wheelchair, with both arms and legs in casts after being pushed off a cliff by Vince Russo last week. Vince is still wearing his stained white briefs.
Lauaranitis: Sir, you are still legally the owner of this company, I really don't think this interview is neccesary.
Vince: Listen Lauranitis you son of a bitch, I'm starting over. Treat this like any other job interview.
Lauranitis: Okay, Vince...
Vince: THAT'S MR. MCMAHON TO YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH.
Lauranitis: ...Mr.McMahon...why are you qualified to be a receptionist for the WWE?
Vince: BECAUSE I'M VINCE MCMAHON, DAMNIT!
Vince stands up and throws boiling hot coffee at Lauaranitis' face. The coffee badly burns his face, and much of it spills down his throat, eviscerating his already destroyed voice. Lauranitis screams (as much as he can), as Vince starts dancing with joy.
Vince: I GOT THE JOB! I'M BACK!
Vince jumps up in the air, and the shot freezes.
Scene Nine, on the set of Maury Povich. Daniel Bryan and AJ are sat down talking to Maury.
Maury: So...okay, lemme get this straight. The one who says "YES" all the time got married to the crazy bitch, but now a burn victim in his 40's is part of the marriage as well. You engaged in a threesome, crazy bitch got pregnant, and you're here to find out who the father of the baby is?
Maury: Okay, here's Kane.
Kane comes out to a chours of boo's from Maury's studio audience. Kane has one hand on his hip, and one hand pointing to the audience. Kane is acting like the traditional Maury villain.
Kane: Nuh-uh! Y'all don't know me! Y'all don't know me! Mmmm girl you wish you got a body like this. Sit yo' ass down, girl. Mmmhmmm.
Kane finally takes a seat.
Maury: So, Kane...do you want the baby to be yours?
Kane: If that baby mine, ima treat him like my OWN. But if that baby Bryan's, I don't want nuthin' to do with it.
Maury's studio audience boo's. Kane again stands up and argues with the crowd.
Maury: Well, I have the DNA results here. The father of the baby is...
CONFIRMED TO PERFORM LIVE AT SUMMERSLAM: "The Second Baddest Man on the Planet next to Justin Bieber" BRYAN ADAMS!
Scene Ten, Michael Cole in being interrogated by police inside a police station.
Policeman: A lump of COAL at the crimescene. Did you really think you'd get away with it?
Cole: (being an exceptionally arrogant prick, laid back, acting like a wannabe rebellious college student) Anyone else smell bacon? Bacon, anyone?
Policeman: Listen Cole, you'll go down for a long time if you don't answer my questions.
Cole: What a goof. You're goofy. Oh no, not this goof.
Policeman: (calling to outside) JOHNSON, bring in the vibrator!
Officer Johnson brings in a massive vibrator.
Policeman: If you don't tell me what I need to know, Cole, it's going to be a rough night.
Cole unbuttons and drops his pants.
Cole: (waving his ass in the air) BRING IT ON.
Act Three, Scene Eleven. Family Feud host Steve Harvey is speaking to CM Punk, things seem intense.
Harvey: Okay Punk, get this answer right, and the Punk Family go through to play Big Money. Get in wrong, and NaziCena & the Neo-Nazi's have the chance to steal. Name a brand on alcohol.
Punk: This is ridiculous...but I'm going to say...Guinness?
Harvey: Show me GUINNESS!
A large X appears on screen, Punk's answer was wrong.
Harvey: Oooh bad luck, I guess we didn't ask any Irish people in our survey.
The studio audience laugh, as we see Sheamus sat along the top row of the audience, pouting.
Back to the set, Harvey has moved over to NaziCena and the Neo-Nazi's.
Harvey: Okay, John, you've had time to collaborate. What's your answer?
Cena: We're going for...Germany's finest, BECKS!
The scoreboard lights up, the answer is correct. Nazi Cena & the Neo-Nazi's jump around holding hands and celebrating, as the Punk family leave. At this point, NaziCena & the Neo-Nazi's lift up Harvey, and throw him straight into a dumpster.
Cena: PLAYTIME IS OVER. At Summerslam, we take over the world, and take CM Punk's WWE Championship. And if we don't...I will personally put myself in the electric chair and allow The Executioner to execute me...executionally. Playtime...is...over.
Scene Twelve, Ryback training sequence.
We see Ryback in the gym, benching 600lb, as Eye of the Tiger plays in the background. Shots of Ryback working out are mixed with shots of him injecting himself with steroids. The benchpress goes from 600lb, to 900lb, to 4,000lb. Ryback also picks up a yellow school bus and throws it straight at an orphanage, causing both to explode into flames, as Ryback runs along, smiling. Ryback runs along the same path that Rocky runs along in the first two Rocky movies. Along the way, he kicks kittens into an electric fan, drops puppies into blenders, and picks up wheelchair-bound John Lauranitis and throws him into a river.
Ryback: FEED...ME...MORE. FEED...ME...WHORE?
Ryback picks up a prostitute on a street corner and devours her in a single bite.
Ryback: Olympics...here I come.
Scene Thirteen, Vince is answering phones at the front desk of Stamford Headquarters.
Vince: World Wrestling Federation, one moment. World Wrestling Federation, one moment. World Wres...ah, I'm bored. I PROMOTE MYSELF TO VICE PRESIDENT.
John Lauarnaitis (wheelchair-bound, with both arms and legs in casts, wearing a neck and back brace, a giant steel frame to keep his body from moving, and now fitted with a Stephen Hawking-style voice box enters the headquarters).
Vince: Lauranitis, you old son of a bitch! I'm Vice President now!
There is a long silence as the agony-ridden Lauranitis cannot move or speak.
Vince: Well, aren't you going to congratulate me, you son of a bitch?
There is further silence.
Vince: I WON'T BE DISREPSECTED LIKE THIS, YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Vince picks up a bottle labelled "ACID", and throws it straight in Lauranitis' eyes, blinding him. Vince then walks away smiling, and humming the presidential tune.
Scene Fourteen, back on the Maury set.
Maury: The results are in. Kane...you...are NOT the father!
The studio audience goes nuts as Kane jumps up celebrating, more or less every word he says being censored. He dances like a stripper right in AJ and Bryan's faces.
Bryan: I'm so happy, I'm going to be a dad!
Maury: ...not exactly.
The studio audience, and Kane, all go "oo0o0o0o0o0o".
Maury: Daniel Bryan...you are NOT the father!
The audience and Kane go nuts at this.
Bryan: AJ, you cheated on me?! You're a slut...SLUT! Who is the father?!
From off-stage, we hear the voice of Joey Styles.
Joey: Oh...my...God...I'M THE FATHER!
Joey Styles walks on stage as the audience go nuts. Bryan and Kane both look shocked, as AJ stands up and passionately kisses Joey Styles.
Joey: AJ, I have one more thing to ask you...will you marry me?
The audience again go nuts, as Bryan and Kane still look shocked.
AJ: YES! YES! YES!
Bryan: Hey, that's copyright...
AJ: YES! I will! I'll be Mrs. AJ Styles!
Kane: (sarcastically) Ohhh, a dig at TNA...original.
AJ and Joey Styles passionately kiss as we go to...
Scene Fifteen, Michael Cole is walking to his car in an otherwise empty parking lot. We hear footsteps.
Cole: Who is that?! I swear, if this is that loser Zack Ryder...
1. Will NaziCena capture the WWE Championship at Summerslam? Yes!
2. Who shot J.R? Kristin Shepard
3. Who is the father of AJ's baby? Nazi Cena
4. Who will win the General Manager Election? Vince Russo!
5. On a scale of 1-to-Awesome, how awesome will The Miz's House Party be? 9. The last number before awesome.