Re: WWE 2012: Reboot
January 9th, 2012
WWE Champion: CM Punk
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan
Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes
United States Champion: Zach Ryder
Tag Team Champions: Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne
Divas Champion: Beth Phoenix
Opening segment: David Otunga comes out to introduce Interim Raw General Manager John Laurinaitis.
“I would like to ask for all of your attention. Attention, please. (Pause for boos) My name is David Otunga. I am a Harvard Graduate, and the personal assistant to Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim General Manager of Raw, John Laurinaitis. Now without further ado, I present to you, the most inspirational man on the planet! MISTER! JOHN! LAURINAITIS!”
There is a massive boo as Big Johnny’s music fills the arena. Laurinaitis and Otunga make their way to the ring. Otunga stands behind Johnny, arms crossed, while Johnny takes a mic and starts to talk. “My name is Mr. John Laurinaitis. I am the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim General Manager of Raw. Last week on Raw, I put together one of the most formidable cards in WWE history. This past week on Smackdown, my counterpart, Theodore Long put together an even better card, USING MY WRESTLERS!” Johnny starts to walk around the ring. “I have signed, sealed and delivered EVERY member of the WWE Universe. I believe that I should be given Mr. Long’s job… because of my fantastic track record of not only signing, but developing the Best Wrestlers in the World”
-“Look in my eyes! What do you see?” There is a massive pop for WWE Champion CM punk. He hurries into the ring and goes to all four corners to raise the belt and play to the crowd. He makes eye contact with Otunga, and does a quick lunge at the Harvard Grad, causing Otunga to jump backwards and trip into Johnny. The Crowd goes wild. “Listen here, Clown Shoes,” starts Punk. “I wasn’t signed by you, and I certainly wasn’t made what I am today by, well, a stiff like you. When I signed with the WWE, I was Ring of Honor Champion (This causes a minor pop) and I dominated FCW and now have been WWE Champ for hmmmm 2 months now? And YOU… made ME… best in the world?”
Johnny responds that it was his IDEA to sign Punk, and to give him the push he has received. It is now obvious to Laurinaitis that Punk is not the Champion the WWE wants or needs. He vows to take the belt off of him. And he has just the man to do it. “I will now introduce to everyone at home the Number One Contender for the WWE Championshi….”
“AWESOMEEEEEE” and out comes the Miz. He looks very sure of himself. He has the look of someone more confident than he has been in recent weeks. Johnny looks confused. “What are you doing here Miz…?” Miz responds that he read Johnny’s tweet and his “AWESOME” reference when talking about the new Number One Contender. “Miz… I haven’t seen you have an awesome match in months. The man I chose could have a great match with a laundry bag… Chris Jericho!”
“Break the Walls DOWN!!!!!” Jericho comes out onto the Stage next to Miz and plays the crowd. He doesn’t speak, but stares down Miz, while Punk claps in the ring and Raw cuts to its first commercial.
First Match: United States Title Match: Jack Swagger vs Zach Ryder. Ryder and Eve come to the ring, and Eve looks even less interested (if that’s possible) than last week. Swagger comes out with Vickie and Ziggler by his side. Ziggler is wearing a suit and some slick shades. Swagger dominates Ryder for most of the match. Ryder keeps trying to yell at Ziggler every time he gets Swagger off his feet, but Ziggler is unfazed. Ryder is able to roll out of the way of a Swagger “Vader Bomb” and starts to work on the midsection. He gets Swagger lined up for a Rough Ryder, but as he bounces off the ropes, Ziggler grabs Ryder’s ankle, and he falls. Swagger stands up, in shock.. there was no bell ring… He grabs Ryder’s foot and locks on the ankle lock. Ryder taps. Swagger pushes the Long Island Iced-Z out onto the floor at Eve’s feet. Eve doesn’t even attempt to help her “boyfriend.” Swagger, Ziggler and Vickie celebrate as Raw goes backstage.
Winner: Jack Swagger, The New U.S. Champion
Backstage Segment: Kofi Kingston is looking for John Laurinaitis. He needs to know what is going to happen with his Tag Team Championship, with Evan Bourne being out for the next year. Johnny is MIA, but Kingston crosses paths with Epico and Primo. They want the titles, and they just got a message from The Board of WWE, that they are in a number one contenders match with the Usos, tonight!
Second Match: Tamina Snuka vs Natalya (With Beth Phoenix). Natalya starts with the upper hand, and stomps a mud hole in Snuka. Beth is talking a lot of trash on Snuka, and Snuka keeps getting distracted. She eventually gets locked in the Sharpshooter, and is about to tap. Snuka is trying not to, but the pain is making her scream. Phoenix jumps onto the apron, with the title over her shoulder. Natalya turns to yell at Snuka and slightly loosens her grip. Snuka is able to fling Natalya across the ring, where she drills her head against the belt and falls on her back. Snuka hits the Superfly Splash and pins Natalya.
Winner: Tamina Snuka
After a commercial break, John Cena’s music hits, and Cena makes his way onto the stage. He isn’t dancing, he isn’t jumping, he doesn’t run. He walks to the ring, and grabs a mic “I can’t do this. Two weeks in a row, I don’t have a scheduled match. Two weeks in a row, I don’t get a chance to entertain YOU, the fans!” Cena looks like he is about to cry. “Can I get a ref down here?” A ref rushes to the ring, looking confused. “If there is anybody… ANYBODY back there who wants a shot at me, now’s your shot!” An unfamiliar music hits, and a large body stands facing away from the crowd on the ramp. It’s Mason Ryan! The Welsh Beast comes into the ring and stands toe to toe with Cena.
Third Match: John Cena vs Mason Ryan They start trading blows. Punch for punch, the two seems to be equals for the 6 minute match. But just as happened to Ryan on Smackdown! He makes a huge mistake and Cena is able to lock on the STFU. Ryan taps, and rolls out of the ring. Cena is celebrating when Ryan reappears directly behind him, chair in hand. He starts to tear apart Cena, eventually leaving him down on the mat.
Winner: John Cena, but Mason Ryan looked strong, and ended up in better shape than Cena
Triple H is seen walking towards the ring, and The Game is on next!
In-ring Segment: Back from commercial, and Triple H enters. He isn’t spitting water, but looks like he is resigned to being COO and not “The Game.” He talks about Laurinaitis not being able to control Raw, and having Three “Monsters” running rampant on the WWE Universe. Hunter gives Johnny one month to get it straight, or he would be given the ax. Triple H then turns his attention to Big Show, Kane and Undertaker. He’s battled all three, and he has beaten all three. They are all great in their own right, and together they are unstoppable. He then points out Big Show is 3-8 at Wrestlemania, Kane once held the WWE Championship for 24 hours, and Undertaker hasn’t wrestled in 8 months, and the last time HHH saw him, he was on a stretcher after Wrestlemania XXVII. Undertaker comes to the ring, alone. He grabs a mic and tells Triple H that if he thinks so lowly of the 3, why not take them all on? “Funny you should say that, because you need to have one more match to fulfill your contract, and it has to be done by April 5th. I say we just get it out of the way, Undertaker and Triple H at the Royal Rumble!” ‘Taker says there is no way it will be occurring at the Rumble, and he thinks it would be better for Wrestlemania! Triple H is obviously concerned about that idea. He vows to be back in one month to check on the status of Raw, and if Johnny is keeping the New Ministry in check. Triple H walks back up the ramp, looking obviously concerned, as Taker stares at The Game as we cut back to commercial.
Fourth Match: The Usos vs Epico and Primo for the number one contendership] to the WWE Tag Team Titles. This is a fast paced match, with lots of momentum switches. Jimmy and Jey are all over Epico, when Rosa Mendes jumps unto the apron and tries to distract the ref. Primo hits a low blow on Jey, and Epico does the same to Jimmy. The ref turns around, and Epico hits a double kneed back breaker on Jimmy and pins him. Jimmy and Jey plead with the ref, to no avail. Epico and Primo are the Number One Contenders!
Winner: Epico and Primo
Backstage Segment: The Miz is furious. He wants the shot at the Number One Contendership. He goes to Johnny and asks what he has to do, and Johnny says that he must prove that he has the “fire” back. Miz looks like he just got a really good idea. Justin Gabriel, Drew McIntyre and Curt Hawkins walk into the office as Miz exits. They want into the Royal Rumble. Johnny tells them that they will have 2 spots on the line in a 3 on 1 tag match against Sheamus. If they win, two will be entered in the Rumble, if Sheamus wins, he gets to pick someone to go to the rumble with him. Oh and by the way, the match is….now
Fifth Match: Sheamus Vs Justin Gabriel, Drew McIntyre and Curt Hawkins. Sheamus comes to the ring, looking very happy. He loves to beat people up. McIntyre, Hawkins and Gabriel seem to be arguing pretty hard all the way to the ring. Sheamus is able to beat down McIntyre and Gabriel pretty easily, but Hawkins won’t enter the ring. He is telling Sheamus to “pick” him to be in the rumble with him. Sheamus just laughs as he dismantles Gabriel and pins him. Sheamus is handed a mic, and asks “Curt ‘Awkins, get in ta ring” Hawkins jumps in smiling, and is immediately hit with a massive Brogue Kick. “I won’t be taking ya, fella. I’ll be invitin’ good ol’ Fit Finlay!” Finlay comes out and waves a giant Irish Flag.
Winner: Sheamus (And, I guess, Finlay)
Backstage, Kofi is in Johnny’s office. He wants to know who his tag team partner will be moving forward. Johnny says that is not his concern, and he thinks that the WWE is passing Kofi by. Kofi is walking out, when a massive shadow covers the window on the door. In walks Brodus Clay and two females. Brodus hasn’t been seen since NXT and is wearing a goofy top hat and white jump suit, and is strutting. “What’s good, Big Johnny?!” Johnny asks if he is Brodus Clay, looking concerned about Clay’s “look.” Clay says that he doesn’t see a problem, and he just wants to have fun. Johnny looks at Kofi and Clay standing next to each other. “What about the two of you, become a tag team? We could give you a few matches to get ready, and then you defend the titles at the Royal Rumble?” Kofi agrees, and Clay is ecstatic. “First night on Raw and I’m a Tag Team Champ! Funky’s on a roll!” The two walk out of the door, and the camera turns back to Johnny. “Two birds. One stone,” Johnny chuckles as Raw goes to commercial.
CM Punk comes to the ring. He grabs a mic and states that the new year hasn’t been so great for him. He didn’t get a chance to beat Jericho, and got a beat down from Kane and Big Show for his troubles. Then he had to hear from Johnny how much the WWE Universe doesn’t need him as champ, and he needs a pick-me-up. Johnny comes back out, and invites Kofi and Brodus Clay out. “The three of you, will face Big Show and Kane, tonight. I’m confident that Kane and Big Show will have no problem taking care of you three.” The ministry’s music hits, and out comes the Undertaker, with Kane and Big Show in tow.
Sixth Match: CM Punk, Kofi Kingston, and Brodus Clay against Big Show and Kane. The team of Punk, Kingston and Clay are dominating the early part of the match against Big Show, grounding him with double teams, and keeping him away from his corner. Show muscles his way out of Clay’s grasps and makes a tag to Kane, who cleans house. Kane sets up a table on the outside of the ring, and climbs up onto the apron, waiting for the right time to strike.
“AWESOMEEEEEEE!” The Miz blasts down the ramp at full speed! He has his sights set on WWE Champion CM Punk. He is sizing him up for the Skull Crushing Finale. “Break the Walls Doooooooowwnn!” Jericho makes his way down, causing Miz to look up the ramp. In the ring, Clay nails a clothesline on Show, and both seem to be knocked out by the move. Kofi is watching the confrontation between Miz and Y2J unfold. Punk staggers near the table, and Kane sees his opportunity. He starts to climb to the top rope. Jericho sees it unfolding out of the corner of his eye, and sprints to the apron, and nails a Breakdown on Kane through the table. The Bell rings and Big Show and Kane are announced the winners! Raw goes off the air, with Jericho staggering to his feet, as Miz, Punk and Jericho all stand nose to nose.
Winner: Big Show and Kane, via disqualification.