WWE: A True Change
New York Times, January 1st 2012.“Yes sir, we promised you a great main event…”
Press release: Huge change in place at next week's WWE RAW!
Tonight on WWE RAW, WWE Chairman Vince McMahon will adress the WWE Universe and reveal the future plans for the company. Since last year, the WWE stock has been dropping like a stone on the NYSE and has caused the company executives to act. No word has been revealed regarding what will happen, but sources close to the board of directors say that there might be shake ups in the leadership of the company.
thehottestwrestlingscoopstoday.org, January 6th 2012.
Several unknown have been spotted backstage at Madison Square Garden for tonight's WWE RAW. No one knows if they are attending or being a part of the show, but sources say that something big is about to happen.
“…Andre the Giant…”
“…Everyone has a price…”
“…Ladies and Gentlemen, it is electric!...”
“…If ya’ smell!...”
“…Give me a hell yeah…”
“…The Champ is here!”
Monday, January 6th
Live! from Madison Square Garden in New York City
The crows is going crazy as a popular tune blazes through the PA system and the RAW / WWE logos are flashing on the TitanTron.
"Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
In the wind of change"
Michael Cole: Welcome to Monday night RAAAAAW!!! Change is in the air!!
Spotlights and red lazers are flashing trough the crowd and everyone is pumped up for some action, when suddenly a pumped up version of "No Chance" starts playing, and out walks Vince McMahon with a huge smile on his face. McMahon struts down the ramp like never before. His arms are swinging back and forth so that they almost fall off with his legs spread while walking like only Vince can. Vince gets into the ring and grabs a microphone.
McMahon: HALLELUJAH!!! CAN YOU FEEL THAT ENERGY?! This is the spirit of the WWE. The spirit of the WWE Universe that's made WWE so powerful and successful over all these years. From the bottom of my hart, I would like to thank each and every one of you people. You have made me a very very rich man since the end of the 80s and for that I am forever grateful.
The crowd looks confused.
McMahon: But onfortunatley, we have been losing a lot of money the last couple of years. Some people have blamed those of us who are in charge of WWE. Some people have blamed the product! Some people have even blamed ME, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, for not putting on a product that's exciting enough. They are dead wrong! WWE has always been about quality and giving the fans what they want. So we will get out of this crisis without any troubles. I will lead us into the new era and there will be good changes coming. I am finalizing some deals that will give you even more exiting programs in the future. I assure you, we will get out of this even stronger than before, and those who ...
Suddenly, the lazers and spotlights go out. Vince looks troubled and confused. Then, the music and TitanTron animations stop. Then, the lights go out. The crowd goes crazy and are waiting for the GONG to hit, but that doesn't happen.
Instead, a candle light can be seen from the stage. It looks as if several people in suits are coming down to the ring. They get into the ring and one of them steps forward and asks Vince to hand over the microphone.
Man: Sorry for interrupting you, Vincent, but we needed to step in. There is simply nothing left.
Vince: What the hell are you talking about, Colin?
Colin: As we told you last week, Vince, you cannot afford to keep this up any longer. All these lights, smoke and expensive licenced music from the early 90s are costing WWE a fortune. The company is at the verge of bankrupcy and this is why we need to step in and make a true change.
Colin: We, the company accountants, headed by me, Colin Shuster, are now in charge of the company. This means that we do not have to pay any executive salaries. In fact, we have limited the board activities to an absolute minimum and we cannot affoard to keep you on TV in any capacity.
COMMERCIAL BREAK (which is about 5 minutes longer than usual)
When RAW returns, Colin Shuster and the accountants are standing in the ring and Vince has left. The whole WWE staff, both superstars and other workers are on the stage. For lighting purposes several lamps have been placed around the ring and the stage.
Colin: Dear work staff! As we are trying to save some money, staff meetings will now take place on air as we cannot affoard to pay you the extra time. Let me calm you by saying that we are doing everything we can to avoid letting any one of you go. I cannot rule this out as a possibility, so anyone who feels like doing the right thing and lowering their wage can speak to me after the show. Of course, anyone who wants to work for free as a volunteer or an intern is welcome to do so.
The staff looks at each other and seem upset.
Colin: We have already decided on some of the changes that will take place in WWE. First of all, there will be no more music. If any talent wants to have music for their entrances; and this is if we keep entrances as we havn't decided on their impact on the company finances yet, they will need to compose them themselves free of charge.
The staff looks worried.
Colin: Smoke, pyro, lazers and fireworks will not be avaliable. You may bring confetti or other props to the show and a fellow staff member may volunteer to throw that during the possible entrance. Also, the term Superstar is no longer going to be used. We feel that this doesn't fit well with the company situation and more moddest terms should instead be incorporated. Right now, we think we will just go with entertainers and staff.
Colin: Let me finish by saying that more changes will be posted on WWE.com in the coming weeks and there you will also find some details on the upcoming WWE auctions. We are having a huge sale where we will be selling our rings, the set, the old tape library, a huge stock of unsold JR's BBQ sauce bottles, the corporate jet and much much more. Here you can also buy a lot of outgoing WWE merchandise to slightly higher prices than before, since we will be introducing a new line of merch in the coming months - the WWE basic brand.
Colin: I want to thank everyone for tuning in and I promise you that next week will be even better. We will start discussing if we can affoard to put on a match next week and who will be participating. Be sure to look out for that news on WWE.com. The remaining time of programming this week has been sold to some friendly sponsors and President Obama's re-election campaign. Be sure to catch that interesting programming!
Colin: In closing, I would like to thank some of our sponsors this week. Toyota - I love what you do for me! Burger King - have it your way! And finally, TNA Wrestling - where wrestling matters! Thank you and good night!
THE CHAMP IS HERE!
Not removing until:
[ ]Cena has more than 16 world title reigns (2 more to go)
[x]World titles are unified (TLC 2014)
[x]Hogan shows up in WWE (RAW 2014-02-24)
[ ]Cena leads a stable
[ ]Goldberg has one more match on US TV
[x]Stephanie McMahon returns (as part of the Authority)
[x]Cena beats Brock Lesnar (Extreme Rules 2012)
[ ]Paul Heyman admits that ECW dying was his fault
[x]CM Punk leaves/is fired from WWE (Royal Rumble 2014)
[ ]Kelly Kelly returns
[x]Cena beats The Rock (WrestleMania 29)
[ ]The untalented fat piece of shit Shmoe Joe retires