Re: WWE 2008: Bringin' the Pain!!
I believe this is the first time I’ve ever read any work from you, so I’m interested to see what you bring to the table. Starting off with a video package to highlight WrestleMania 24 is the right way to go, but already I’m noticing quite a few typos/grammatical errors in the early parts of the show. Hopefully it doesn’t continue on throughout, as it’s an unneeded distraction.
Kicking thongs off with Orton seems the right way to go considering his big victory from the previous night. He was alright here, talking up his victory and running down the people that could face him after winning the battle royal, but it was missing that Orton feel, if you know what I mean. At this time he was big on his ‘One Man Dynasty’ and ‘Age of Orton’ stuff, and there wasn’t one reference to that. There also wasn’t the pausing that you see from Orton, nor the awesome raised intensity which he pulls out when he’s really drilling a point home. The material of this was fine and the idea was all good, but it just wasn’t pulled off in a way that made me think “yeah, that’s Randy Orton” if you get what I mean. Him being interrupted by CM Punk is interesting, although this already seems very, very similar to what Rocker was doing in his ’08 thread. Again, I have to say grammatical issues are quite annoying, and not having a question mark after a question isn’t a mistake you should be making. Punk here was pretty good, talking up his briefcase well, with the delivery being pretty good too. Orton, again, seemed a little off in his rebuttal, but Punk was again pretty good, even if the straight edge stuff was stuck in randomly and just seemed a bit odd. Orton vs. Punk main event? Again, I’m quite sure this is what Rocker did, so it’s seeming very similar. Still, not a bad opening to the show, even if Orton could do with a bit of work.
Erm, Triple H seemed a little awkward here. Much too formal, and calling Umaga “that fat Samoan” just didn’t sound quite like him. I get that you were going for the joking side of Tripper, but I don’t think it was quite right. Again, the idea here was right, but I felt the delivery was off. Lines like “and tonight I have a chance to earn that shot tonight” make the writing seem really sloppy. Still, interesting to see the dissension between Batista and Tripper. Perhaps a possible feud coming up? The interaction between Tripper and Shawn also seemed much too formal. Your ideas again, haven’t been bad, but the delivery is off.
I’m not going to worry too much about the action here as apart from it starting out with some higher impact moves than I’d like, I thought it was solid. The main problem I had with this match was the sentence structure, which at times made it awfully hard to read. It seems that you either have short choppy sentences, or you have multiple short choppy sentences joined together by commas with no words that join them together and allow the sentence to ebb and flow. Sentences can’t just be connected together by a comma instead of a period to make a longer sentence. I suggest you read matches from someone like Wolfy or Legend to get an idea of what I mean. Still, Shelton pinning Jericho is interesting, and should lead to a nice little feud over the title between the two.
Don’t mind seeing Drew McIntyre coming to RAW. I think he’s got loads of potential, so he should be a handy addition to the midcard.
Alright promo from Cena here. I thought in parts he was again a little formal, with even things like calling Grisham by his full name being a little weird. Still, it had a Cena feel to it this promo for the most part, and was probably your best promo of the night thus far. Again, grammar issues seem to sneak in a bit too easily, but still a pretty good promo.
Again, the sentence structure was a bit of a worry in this match. The other thing that worried me a bit was that in two matches you’ve had two champions pinned. I understand you’re starting feuds, but your champions are meant to be the best wrestlers in the company, and them getting pinned shouldn’t be a regular occurrence. An upset every now and then is fine, but you need to start feuds in other ways too.
I don’t really like Kennedy doing his announcing shtick at the start of an interview. He usually does his name business to end the interview instead. Kennedy talking about Flair was also a bit odd. By memory they feuded and wrestled at No Way Out, but without mentioning that to give a context, it seems odd that Kennedy is talking about it. I should also say that Kennedy doesn’t speak of himself in the third person so much. The exchange between Tripper and Kennedy was alright, but again, not enough emotion and much too formal. Your writing really needs to convey more feeling in it.
Before this match begins, just thought I should let you know that Big Show was on the SmackDown! roster at this time. I know he spent a lot of time hyping his match with Mayweather on RAW, but he was a SmackDown! superstar. The other thing in the entrances that I noticed and thought was a nice touch was Tripper cutting off Kennedy talking himself up. Not going to comment on all of the action, but I will say that it seems you’ve got some interesting feud teasers here. First of all, there is the obvious feud between Kennedy and Tripper that’s developing, but what I find more interesting is a possible Cena/Shawn feud if I’m not reading too much into it. Shawn earlier said he doesn’t have long in his career left and that he needs to take the chances he can get. Michaels and Cena then worked together to eliminate Big Show, but Cena ultimately eliminated Michaels to end the match, and deny Shawn a title shot. Again, not sure if I’m reading too much into it, but I expect Shawn to get involved in Orton/Cena at Backlash.
London and Kendrick are meant to be face, aren’t they? Suddenly they have a whole lot of attitude for a face team. Too much, imo. Still, I guess this is an alright way to plant the seeds for a Londrick/Hardcore Rhodes feud, especially since London and Kendrick seemed more natural in this promo than others have previously. Rhodes still seemed a bit stiff and emotionless, but Londrick were an improvement.
Holly and Cody on commentary was alright, but they were pretty generic. They didn’t have any real personalities at this point, but I wouldn’t have minded you giving them at least some swagger. The match and the aftermath to this match all seemed a bit surreal to me. I had a bit of trouble trying to follow the actual match, and what happened afterwards seemed really odd. I guess you’re setting up for a three way feud though.
I’m not going to speak too much on the grammar again, because I feel like I’m beating a dead horse, but I will say that James/Phoenix is a pretty good match, and probably the best you can do atm in the women’s division. Hopefully the feud is more than just your regular run on the mill feud, as these two are the top divas you’ve got right now.
Again, grammar, although emotion was better in this promo, and it’s nice to see you really trying to push this Tripper/Kennedy program. More tension between Tripper and ‘Tista? Not sure what to make of this right now with Kennedy involved too, but Batista was a bit lacking in any real feeling here, with it sounding like he was blurting out one giant blob of text.
Alright main event in that the action seemed pretty cool and the finish was pretty surprising. Even though you had Orton dominate the majority of the match, I’m a bit disappointed that this is the third champion to have been pinned tonight, which, as I said earlier, I do not think is at all a good thing. The aftermath was pretty cool, although like the opening to the show, it reminded me a lot of Rocker’s first show, except you’ve replaced Carlito with JBL.
I’m not going to comment much on the Flair tribute, because this was just your way in sending Flair off. I will, however, say that it was nice to see devote a segment to Flair, even if it is BTB, and write out a goodbye for him. Triple H coming down along with Batista is a nice way to see Flair go out with his WWE buddies.
I know this review has probably sounded harsh for the most part, but I’m not going to lie. Some of your ideas I think are quite good and that you are trying to go in the right direction. Some not so good, but some decisions I liked. The problem is that you need to convey these things with your writing, and that part is what needs work. I feel I’ve said enough about it above, but again, I’d say look at Legend’s thread, because the guy really knows how to make you excited about something through writing. The promise for you is there, I think it’s just going to need some work. I hope you persist with this and that you can allow that promise to eventually come out, because it would be good to see.