The Future Has Arrived - A Dolph Ziggler Diary - - Page 5 - Wrestling Forum : WWE, TNA, Debate League, Wrestling Videos, Women of Wrestling Forums
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Old 09-13-2009, 01:31 AM   #41 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Future Has Arrived - A Dolph Ziggler Diary -

Here's another review from me!

First off, there were too many spelling mistakes and grammar errors here man. Stop trying to get as much posts as you can. Take it as if this is an actual wrestling show. You need to take it down a notch, and work on detail! Detail is key!

Second off, extremely extremely extremely unrealistic for Nick Nemeth to talk to someone like Joey Styles the way he did. Unless you're portraying him as someone who is big headed, Nick would never talk to Joey like that. "No chance in hell, I'm not doing it" The kid has been in the business for less than 3 years, and he thinks he could talk to a guy who has been in the business for decades the way he did. Now I'm not sure if styles has been in the business for that long, but he's been in the business much longer than Nick has.

Third off, this is BIG! I'm so happy that Ziggler is going to RAW! You have OFFICIALLY broken the WWE trend! That means that everytime someone starts a BTB, they have to do stuff that the real product is doing until they can finally break from that hold, and you've officially done it by moving Ziggler to RAW. I don't care if realisticly Orton would choose someone who isn't 2nd or 3rd born generation superstar. It's not so important, no need for someone to say "unrealistic for that to happen" because it's such a small detail, no big deal. But I like this decision.

Fourth of all, I really feel it's time to start writing shows. Write this particular angle out. You don't have to write the show out, but I feel like you should write every part of this feud.

Let me explain...

You know how you have updates of ziggler and his career, have updates on the feud. Not OUT OF CHARACTER...BUT IN CHARACTER.

You know how on RAW, there are backstage promo's and matches on the show. Sometimes, for a particular storyline, there is a match and a couple of backstage promo's for this storyline. Write those out for this feud. Every show, write out in full the backstage promo's between DX and the one's with Legacy, and the one's with Ziggler. Then write out the match or the matches that have to do with this feud.

Just for the time being, instead of writing the out of character updates, write the updates for this feud as it happens on TV. IF you want, you can have updates out of character, but for this particular feud/storyline...write it out as it would appear on TV!
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Old 09-13-2009, 04:16 AM   #42 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Future Has Arrived - A Dolph Ziggler Diary -

Hey, good update. Some thoughts and suggestions

- Ziggler to Raw/Legacy? Ehh, sounds weird, but I'll wait and see.
- I second the above posters comments re: writing promos/matches. However, I will also take a leaf from a poster on the previous page and suggest you write everything outside that environment in a paragraphed, story format.

i.e: "Hey" [insert personality here] nods to me in the locker room.

"Hey." I nod back.

- And not meaning to sound rude, but would it kill you to put some commentary into your matches at critical moments? (i.e: this upcoming Legacy angle)
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Old 09-13-2009, 10:49 AM   #43 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Future Has Arrived - A Dolph Ziggler Diary -

hmm, i like dolph as a singles guy, but will be interesting to see how you make randy come across out of kayfabe.
cool stuff dude, lets see randy and cody get rid of dolph cos dolph wins the title off of randy waiting for the day you make him a world champ man, keep it up!
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Old 09-13-2009, 03:17 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Future Has Arrived - A Dolph Ziggler Diary -

OK, like a lot of others, I'm not totally sure how to go about reviewing this!

First thing I will say is that it's refreshing to see something so different! That's really great to see.

Unfortunately, as some people have said, I think that your grammar could do with some work. It needs to be easy for people to read and the writing style should be smooth. Makes it much nicer experience to read through the thing, rather than having to stop or linger on punctuation, grammar and spelling mistakes which make it difficult to read at a good pace and difficult to understand.

I agree with what leeroy-riz said. You could split your posts into two parts. Dedicate part of it to full transcripts of interviews, backstage segments and full match-write-ups IN CHARACTER. Then perhaps use the other half to write about Ziggler backstage and out of character. I think, as leeroy said, you'd be better off ditching the out-of-character transcripts because they seem too unrealistic. Use first person paragraphs instead.

The thread title says that this is a 'diary', so write it like a diary. Ziggler wouldn't write like this in a diary. Write it like one of Ziggler's diary entries and take your time to write them by having him paint the scene for us so that we can use our imagination more, and have him describe, in first person, any important events or interactions. I think that'd work much better.

Either way, I'll be keeping an eye on this!
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Old 09-16-2009, 07:34 PM   #45 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Future Has Arrived - A Dolph Ziggler Diary -

- Monday September 14th -
- 10 PM ** On Air ** -


** I Hear Voices hits **


Randy Orton: Tonight on Raw, Batista announced that he was joining DX. This does not make me happy.

(** Crowd Cheers **)


Randy Orton: Tonight is supposed to be my night. I won at Breaking Point last night. I'm still the WWE Champion.

(*** Crowd Boo's ***)


Randy Orton: I beat up John Cena so badly last night I bloodied him to a pulp. He was so badly knocked out he couldn't even muster the words "I Quit".


(*** Crowd Boo's ***)


Randy Orton: Times are changing. Batista is joining DX. This means its 4 on 3. Having John Cena, Triple H, Shawn Michaels and Batista together vs Legacy is an unfair advantage.

(** Crowd Cheers **)


Randy Orton: This is unacceptable. Tonight Legacy will forever be changed. This week they're will be another member of Legacy added.

(*** Crowd Boo's ***)


Randy Orton: Yes, Legacy is an elite group of second and third generation superstars. But I need protection. The new member doesn't need to be second or third generation. This new member of Legacy needs to be good enough to even be in the same ring as me. I am the WWE Champion.

(*** Crowd Boo's ***)


Randy Orton: Just what in hell are you booing out? Legacy is bigger and better then Evolution, The four horse men or ANY other group.

(*** Crowd Boo's ***)


Randy Orton: We are better than you people. We don't answer to you... We have nothing in common with you people.

(*** Crowd Boo's ***)


Randy Orton: This week I will be looking for a new member of Legacy. This new member can be from Raw, Smackdown or even ECW.

(*** Crowd Boo's ***)


Randy Orton: So DX.. Yes I am ready. When you least expect it we will be coming for you. It could be in a match.. Backstage or even at your house. Just be ready, cause its coming. The question is... Are you ready?

(Show cuts to commercial)

(Show cuts backstage)


Randy Orton: Carlito.. Tonight is your big night. If you want to be even considered to be the new member of Legacy you need to beat John Cena tonight. You need to destroy John Cena. He is finished goods after what I did to him last night. So do what you have to do to finish him... And maybe I'll come to the ring and kick him in the skull.

Singles Match
Carlito vs John Cena

The Finish: The finish comes when Carlito attempts a diving cross body. Carlito leaps from the top turnbuckle. Cena catches Carlito. He lifts him on top of his shoulders. He attempts to hit the Attitude Adjustment. Carlito is able to counter and slide behind him. He attempts to hit the Backstabber. He is unsuccessful as Cena hangs tall. Carlito hits the mat. Cena locks in the STF. Carlito is about to tap out... When Legacy runs in. It's Rhodes and DiBiase Jr. The begin to trade blows with Cena. Cena knocks down Rhodes, he picks up DiBiase Jr. and sends him flying over the top rope. DiBiase Jr. skins the cat, Cena dosen't realize this. He goes to turn around he sees it. Cena throws Rhodes into the back of DiBiase Jr. sending him flying off the apron. Rhodes come wobbling back towards Cena. John Cena hits Rhodes with the Attitude Adjustment. DiBiase Jr. picks up Rhodes and drags him out of the ring. Cena picks up Carlito and delivers the Attitude Adjustment to him as well. John Cena is standing tall. Legacy's plan was foiled. They walk up the ramp in pain as Randy Orton is grimacing in anger at what he just saw. The "Viper" defiantly needs protecting with the anger he just saw in Cena. The odds are against The "Viper" for once. Will Randy Orton begin to feel his own wrath and finally pay for his sins? Who will the new member of Legacy be? We will find out.


End Of Show in sequence to Dolph Ziggler storyline on tonight edition of RAW.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- Tuesday September 15th -
- 10 PM ** On Air ** -



** I Hear Voices hits **


Randy Orton: Last night on RAW I told all of you people, that I would be looking for a new member of Legacy. I said I'd be coming on to ECW.. Which is the "C" show of the WWE.

(*** Crowd Boo's ***)


Randy Orton: What? You think ECW is a good show?

(** Crowd Cheers **)


Randy Orton: ECW'S championship isnt even considered a big championship. The United States Championship is bigger than ECW'S championship.


(*** Crowd Boo's ***)


** Tiffany's 's Theme Hits **


Tiffany: Randy in case your wondering. ECW is MY show. And I don't appricate you speaking this way to the fans.


(** Crowd Cheers **)


Randy Orton: I don't give a damm what you think Tiffany. I am the WWE Champion. You answer to ME. You think I care that.. This show is your show? What's stopping me from coming down their right now and kicking you in the skull?

Tiffany: Randy Randy Randy.. You have two choices. You can stay here, and be put in a match.. An extreme rules match, or you can vacant the ring immediately.

(** Crowd Cheers **)


(Show Cuts to commercial as Orton leaves the ring)

(Show Cuts to Orton backstage)

Randy Orton: Shelton Benjamin... "The Gold Standard" Tonight you have the chance to join Legacy... All you have to do is beat Christan. You don't belong on this show... This show dosent even compare to the talent you have... You should....

Shelton Benjamin: Randy as much as I appriacte the opportunity and all.. I am "The Gold Standard" I am nobody's lacky. And I'm defiantly not going to be.... Yours... So leave my show... Go rub some baby oil on your back with your two butt buddies.

Randy Orton leaves grimacing in anger


Shelton Benjamin defeats Christan hitting the paydirt. He has just pinned the ECW Champion.


The Aftermath: Shelton Benjamin has just connected with the paydirt. He has just pinned THE ECW CHAMPION! He's gotta get a championship match soon. Doesn't he? As Shelton Benjamin turns around "The Viper" gets in the ring and connects with an RKO. He stands tall over Benjamin and then slithers his way out of the ring holding the WWE Championship up as ECW fades to black.Who will the new member of Legacy be? We will find out.

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Old 09-16-2009, 08:02 PM   #46 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Future Has Arrived - A Dolph Ziggler Diary -

I saw a couple of grammar and spelling mistakes. You must be careful, take good care of your work. I see you have taken my advice, good good. Orton couldn've been a little bit more in character, but you'll work on that. Don't be scared to have your stuff be looooooong...there's nothing wrong with that. The matches are good...they're long...don't make them shorter...they're at good length.

Keep going, man. No need to rush things, when you take your time...you tend to improve the quality by finding some mistakes or adding stuff to the show, possibly taking away stuff. I suggest doing that, in addition to like re-reading what you're about to post. Look it over a couple of times. My English teacher once told me, "When you complete a writing assignment, leave it alone. Come back to it a few days later, and re-read it." Good advice, because you tend to catch things you don't necessarily catch in the first place.
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Old 09-17-2009, 01:30 AM   #47 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Future Has Arrived - A Dolph Ziggler Diary -

completely agree with leeroy, this is such an awesome thread, really enjoying reading it, but its the littlest things like grammar, but is not a hard thing to get over.
And yeah take your time, no ones rushing you haha, just post after you think you cant improve it anymore than you have.
hope ziggler ends up getting betrayed for being to good and im looking forward to see how you portray randy out of kayfabe, considering he got Mr.kennedy fired supposedly just by bitching to Mcmahon, will be cool to see how you write him.
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Old 09-21-2009, 07:26 PM   #48 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Future Has Arrived - A Dolph Ziggler Diary -

- Preview for Friday Night Smackdown! -
- September 25th 2009 -


At Breaking Point last sunday a NEW Intercontinental Champion was crowned. Dolph Ziggler defeated Rey Mysterio at Breaking Point to win his first ever Championship in the WWE. Rey Mysterio will use his rematch clause tonight on Friday Night Smackdown! Will Mysterio win back his belt? Or will The "Dolph Ziggler" ERA reign over Friday Night Smackdown?

According to "The Viper" and WWE Champion Randy Orton, he is looking for a new member if Legacy. Legacy talked to RAW member Carlito but he lost his match, and "The Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin turned Orton and CO. down but ended up paying the price for it. Who will Orton target on Friday Night Smackdown! this week? Tune in to find out.

Confirmed Matches

Intercontinental Championship Match - Rey Mysterio vs (C) Dolph Ziggler
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Old 09-22-2009, 01:27 AM   #49 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Future Has Arrived - A Dolph Ziggler Diary -

gunna be interesting to see how you get orton to get ziggler to join, will it be threat or willingly?? cant wait
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Old 09-22-2009, 03:24 AM   #50 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Future Has Arrived - A Dolph Ziggler Diary -

People praise this thread likes it's something out of this world, when essentially you're doing about a quarter of the work every other booker is doing; booking one superstar compared to other booker's in the twenties at least; producing some rather mediocre writing with a lot of grammar, punctuation and spelling mistakes and in some parts not having great realism. It's different, that's a fact but quality-wise, it's not great at all.
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