Winning World titles, Custom Made Clothes
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Bolton, England
Re: Total Nonestop Action : The Jerret Era
TNA Monthly PPV 1 Review
Your intro was very short, only 2 lines of dialogue isn't enough for a build up of a show and seing as this is your first show, you really needed to catch the reader's attention and show off your writing ability, but you took a short cut. I suggest that you go back and add more to it, perhaps West & Tenay talking through the nights matches.
The Scott Hall interview was short and sweet, it get's the message across but it would be ideal if you had Borash asking more questions and maybe let us know what the crowd think of what Hall is saying.
This match was very short, it wasn't realy long enough, it would be enough if it was a quick 2 minute swaush match, but you said it lasted 11mins. You've only given the base of the match, which is good that you can write a basic base, but that's all it is, basic. You need to add a bit more filler into your match details, maybe a bit of "Styles hits the ropes and attempts a ________" or "Ron picks up Styles and ________", give us a bit extra detail, let us know that you know what you're talking about.
Same with match 2, you've just listed a few moves, i suggest when your doing matches you write out a begining, mddle and an end then fill in the gaps and it will make your matches longer. If you wanted Lynn & Red to become tag-team partners, you could of had Lynn get on the mic and compliment Red, then perhaps ask him to tag. Or preferaby you could have built it up on your next show.
The main event passed by far too quickly, you've basically just written highlights of the match, the final bit with Jeff Vs. Savage was fine, but you maybe should have wrote it in a standard paragraph rather than having it
Overall this was a weak show, BUT when you take into account that this is your first ever BTB and that you're only 12 you did alright. You need to take more time on writing your shows, or maybe next time you write one, go back and then bulk it up with extra detail. Also, with you need to use colour in a more effective way, it seemed like you'd just thrown colour in there just for the sake of it to be honest.
I suggest with this show, you use the *edit* button, go back and add in extra things that you've missed, and maybe give us another 1 or 2 matches, remember this is your first show of the BTB so you need to grab people's attentions. I hope you don't take any of this critism badly, because i think you can do an okay show, you just need to take more time when writing and add extra detail in. Oh, and remember you're only a kid so you're gunna make mistkaes, this is what a show would of looked like if I had written it when I was 12, so don't be dis-hearten'd.
Right I've blabbed on enough now, good luck with the rest of your BTB, I hope you can improve, I'll be reading.